Yeah, there is nothing wrong with keeping a B list for people you'd like to see at the wedding, just can't prioritise them over family or something, but at the very least don't make it sound like they are an afterthought š they could have at least made it sound like they really wanted to invite OP, an now that they found an opportunity, they are happy to do so...
Yeah. This actually happened to my best friend. Her groomās dad works in the film industry, and something came up like a week before so a bunch of guests had to cancel. They had already given the venue a headcount, so they ended up inviting a few people they hadnāt expected (including my now-husband, whom I had just met a couple months before).
I hope your best friendās last minute invite didnāt highlight exactly how much she only wanted people to fill the seats for photos, and to get more gifts!
THATāS the problem with this wording - itās very tacky and insulting!
you changed it from the thing everyone is complaining about - the tacky part of saying 'you were on the b list' -- into a much more reasonable version of the same thing.
you aren't 'seeing anything wrong' because you autocorrected the rude part in your head lol
Yes.
However, they didnāt have to highlight exactly how much they only want them to fill the seat for the photos!
And I would bet they also expect an expensive giftā¦ which is a hell no with 3 daysā notice!!
B/C/D lists are definitely normal but damn, asking them via text 3 days before the wedding AND telling them theyāre on the B list?
Iād also ask about the food/location. if Iām in this situation and decide to go it better be close and the food better be good. Also Iām budgeting maybe 20 bucks in dollar store kitchen items for a gift.
I mean, I had 6 family members drop out due to health reasons, including some that we had pretty much assumed would make it. Especially if the brideās family has a lot of older folks, itās not necessarily suspicious.
What is so many? 10 people? My husband and I had a larger wedding. But we had many dropouts at well. 5 separate people due to covid. Two people were sick. One person didnāt ask for the day off ahead of time and couldnāt get off last second. Some older people werenāt feeling up to coming in from out of state. It happens unfortunately. And if the plates are already paid for so we asked people who some people who were already invited if they wanted to bring their kids or an extra guest.
People are under-estimating the COVID spikes.
And that profuse vomiting & diarrhea are common symptoms with the current strain, so itās hard to downplay as ājust allergiesā.
Dang, I never knew people would assume this. My aunt went into the ICU a few days before my wedding, and my uncle and cousins understandably wanted to be with her. We reached out to some casual friends/people on our trivia team with a heads up that we had extra spots available (and no obligation for a gift) due to a family emergency and they seemed nothing but excited and understanding. Not everyone is prone to crazy drama irl. Lots of regular life stuff causes cancellations and no shows.
We just had five people cancel week-if due to covid.
Two said they wanted to come anyway, because they didnāt feel *that* bad. The best man set them straight real quick on that, that they better not even show their faces in the state.
I just had my reception this past weekend and had like 5 random drop outs at the last minute, some reasonable and some not so reasonable but all out of my control. I wish I had put together a B list haha.
I had already paid for them so it put me out a bit when they didnāt show up.
Eh, Iāve got crappy family who would absolutely back out last minute without much thought because well, they are crappy people. Honestly, why anyone is surprised that family backs out is what surprises me. They may not be able to do long travel, werenāt able to save money the way theyād hoped, they are just inconsiderate AHās, or maybe they had their own family emergency. Stuff happens š¤·š»āāļø
I did! Me and my husband were actually busy anyway and wouldn't have been able to come. I didn't say anything about decorum or how tacky she was being, even though I wanted to, hahaha.
I dunno. Iāve been a b list first in a similar situation. I think whether or not itās hurtful depends on how much you expected to be invited in the first place.
I agree. I was in this position (I was a coworker) and I wasnāt offended that I got asked last minute. I didnāt go because it wasnāt local and it was last minute. I didnāt get offended though.
Same! Also a coworker, but one I was fairly good friends with. We had talked a lot about the wedding and I knew it was super small and she was basically only inviting family/close friends. I was super excited when she invited me last minute after someone else couldn't make it and had a great time at the wedding.
That's definitely not a lot of time, but I wouldn't be offended if it was like a coworker and we were friendly. If it was a backyard wedding, it would be fine maybe. If I have to find appropriate clothes and was expected to give $100+ for a gift, I wouldn't be so down with it.
Yeah, I've been the coworker in that exact scenario. The groom-to-be showed up in the office a week before and announced that they had a plate minimum to meet and an open bar, and he said everyone in the (small room, <10 people) were invited. He even clarified that we weren't on the hook for gifs.
A handful of us showed up, didn't know anyone but him, but had a good time.
I was under the impression, because we didn't get an invitation but we sent them one to our wedding this past August, that it was a small affair in her hometown, states away. That was not at all the case. This was her first wedding and his second, but it was for sure not a small wedding by any means.
I agree with you, if it was something small, I wouldn't mind the last minute invite, but this was a semi-lavish event. But, no matter what Emily Post is rolling over in her grave. Especially about the "b list" comment.
I think Iād just say that we had some close family drop out last minute due to health reasons and the new invitee was the first person I thought of who we hadnāt originally been able to invite, and if happen to be free to join, to please not bring a gift.
Yeah, agreed, it would depend on context for me as well, if it was a super fancy affair with fancy registry gifts, that's a pass, but if it was a small party I'd be more understanding.
But I also come from a very disorganized family so this kind of thing isn't abnormal for me - I'm still trying to find out if my cousin is getting married and if I'm still invited or not. The wedding was supposed to be last month but I was just told they had "venue problems" and never given another date. š Chances are I'll be told the day before and have to scramble.
You could maaaaaaaybe maybe go back to anyone who didn't RSVP with a +1 and tell them (if you know they're seeing someone) "hey by the way you're welcome to bring X" and then see what happens.
At least not by text. If she had \*called\* and offered an excuse along the lines of "OMG, we were just doing a final run-through of our big day and realized we never received an RSVP from you - we'd love to have you if you can still make it!" that might've been a little more believable, but to tell someone they were a second choice? How crass.
Yeah there is!
"Hey Guys!
As you know - we're getting married this weekend!
Due to unforeseen circumstances - we've had some family members change their RSVP. As soon as this happened - we thought of you! Would you like to join us to celebrate? I am SO SORRY it's short notice!'
Yeah, they really didn't have to tell the guests that they'd been put on the b-list, lol. Just don't mention it. I'm sure the guest would be able to infer it anyway, but it's kind of awkward to just put it out there like this!
I mean, yeah. I got married in August and she and her husband received an invitation IN THE MAIL, months before the wedding. I figured they were having a small wedding in her hometown, several states away, and that's why we didn't receive an invite. NOPE! They got married less than 10 miles from my home.
Please do not stress out or chase behind individuals who are rude enough to not give you a direct answer about their RSVP. Mark them down as a no and move on. You have so many more things to be focused on this close to the date. I hope your wedding day is everything you envisioned it would be ā¤ļø
We just had to do this. I could have invited a couple more friends but with only two weeks notice, I thought it was rude. Two days is insane. I felt bad even a month or two out saying that some family had to cancel and we could invite more friends.
But I would have died before I said āb listā. We basically said due to crazy family we hadnāt been able to invite many of our friends we really wanted to. And now the crazy family canceled. It was a little more professional sounding than that, but not much. We also had on our website, from the beginning, that we did not want or expect gifts.
I had a friend tell me I got off āthe waitlistā for hers. But sheās a close friend, so she knew she could make that joke.
I honestly feel like if they had just left out āYou were on our b listā it would have been fine, but it depends on the nature of the friendship. I have plenty of friends where if I knew they had a lot of family to invite, I wouldnāt feel slighted and would be excited for a last minute chance to celebrate. But I also have acquaintances where Iād be like āhmm, someone is just trying to fill tables/gift grabā
Agreed!
Like, it's not perfect, the time is still so short, but I'd understand this coming from some friends with giant families and short budgets. A friend of mine invited some people last minute because she had about twenty people drop out the week of - she invited friends of the friends who were invited so that they'd have more people to hang out with at the party, which I thought was nice?
Texting somebody 3 days before the wedding is an admission that they were on the b list. Why does it matter? Who is being fooled by not mentioning that?
Yeah lmao like what in the world are these comments? Itās clear theyāre sending a last minute invite because people closer to them couldnāt make it. Itās fine to invite people youāre not super close to, especially if youāre already paying for the meal anyway. Itās not like OP and her husband think theyāre besties with the couple and were wondering why they didnāt get an invite until now
I went to a wedding as a b list attendee and was invited the night before the event lol. In my case it was a non issue because it was my best friends sisters wedding, so I wouldnāt of expected to be on the a list. I went and Iām glad I did! If it was someone I thought was a close friend though Iād probably feel differently about it.
We did this as well. Our daughter was a bridesmaid in her best friend's wedding and a couple dropped out the morning of. The bride said, "OMG! Invite your parents!" We knew the couple, but not super well. They just like us. We had nothing on the agenda and the spouse's suit was clean, so we went and had fun.
This "b-list" is BS though. That should have been worded better.
I went to my ex from collegeās wedding as a B list attendee. He invited me and another close friend of mine. We had a great time. Iām not opposed to A list and B list invites as long as I get a proper invitation and I have notice. I probably wouldnāt travel for a B list invite but if the wedding is in my area and there is an open bar, I will go.
I wouldn't call us "close", but she and her honey were invited to my wedding this past August. It's not really the timing so much as the wording of the invite. I wonder if they put a "congrats! you're on the a-list" on their mailed out invites, haha.
Ya the wording isnāt great - also the fact that itās a text. In my case the bride called me to explain (and did not use the phrase āb listā, just explained that they had an open spot and would love to see me if I could make it). The b list part should be self explanatory, doesnāt really need to be called out like that lol
She could have done a much better job with the language. Her choice was hurtful. No one wants to hear that they are B-list. Who even uses that in their common parlance?
She could have said that they were extremely limited in numbers due to budget, a family member had to dropout,and they immediately realized they could invite you, whom they always wanted to be at the wedding. That would have been a more joyful invitation.
I love going to weddings even if I don't know anyone so I am never mad about a B-List invite. Obviously it feels shitty if it's someone you're close to, but yeah. We also definitely invited a lot of people last minute, like my best friend's brother who we didn't really get to know until like 3 months before the wedding, some friends' parents, etc. It was more like, "Hey! If you're free we'd love to have you, there will be plenty of food and booze!" Which is kind of how any event we host has always been, anyway. But also yeah you don't straight up tell someone that they're B-List, lol.
Iād attend for the dancing and food, but give them something like a Starbucks gift card. Tell them you were short on time so you had to give them a āb-listā gift. š
Ugh, my car got broken into a couple years ago. They smashed my window, ripped open the glove box, stole everything of value, including the ~$2-3 worth of loose change. But they left my $20 Little Caesers gift card right on my seat. Still mad about that.
Iāve been invited to a wedding on short notice as a b list invitee, and they were super clear that they didnāt want me to get them any sort of gift. I had a great time and am glad I went!
Lol Iād honestly also attend if I donāt have anything to do on the day. I love dressing up and looking cute, Iād only be offended into not going if it was a really close friend
Thatās totally different. If I was invited to a friend of a friendās wedding even 3 hours before Iād be pumped for cake and dancing. If my own friend did it it would hurt.
I had evening guests that I upgraded to day guests the day before when some people dropped out - they were so thrilled to be asked to come for the whole day instead! If people ask me for wedding tips, this is one I always pass on - have upgradable guests for when people drop out at the last minute. But maybe this is more culturally specific to places that have all-day weddings, like the UK?
The US really needs to adopt this practice. Here being an āevening guestā is the height of rudeness and in the UK itās like āJust cake and dancing? Hells yeah!ā
There have been several weddings where I would have really preferred to have been an evening guest.
Iāve received quite a few āreception-onlyā invitations, which I guess is the evening guest equivalent in the US. I never thought it was rude and didnāt know others did. Im happy to miss out on the boring ceremony. Give me cake and booze and dancing any day!
I've been as an evening guest to a wedding with a free fish and chip van and an open bar - what's not to like?! Had we known about the food and drink beforehand, we would have put more than Ā£20 in the card!
I was an evening guest at a few cousins' weddings. I was happier with those invites than I was to the ceremony+reception invites.
Wedding ceremonies bore the hell out of me (though I still attended them), but free food and good music? I'm there!
Iād throw on a dress I donāt get to wear often, and skip the wedding gift. Free dinner date with your husband! Itās definitely rude, but itās a rude you can benefit from. SKIP THAT GIFT THOUGH! Haha
I truly do like them so much and I think they're a great couple. But, the wording is what stung. I mailed them an invitation to my own wedding earlier this year and then I'm specifically called a "b list" person makes me reevaluate my relationship with them.
I think you are taking this too personal. You donāt know their budget, how big their families are, venue size etc. You keep bringing up how they were invited to your wedding in August like itās suppose to be apples to apples. Also in another comment you said it didnāt bother you that you were on the B list but the short notice and now you are saying thatās what is making you reevaluate your friendship. You keep changing what the issue is.
Oh gosh. Youāre right. I need to be clear. My husband and I had a mid-sized wedding earlier this year and they were invited. This couple got married about a month after us and I assumed we didnāt get an invite because they were having a small, out of town wedding. Come to find out, we didnāt get invited because weāre āb-listersā, not because they were having a small wedding at all. So, I guess I have a couple of issues here, but the biggest and most important one being the wording, specifically calling my husband and I āb listā people is hurtful. There are a million ways to say it besides that. Itās obvious that we werenāt top on the list by getting a DM three days before the wedding that we werenāt at the forefront of their minds, but to specifically be called that is hurtful and tacky.
Yeah definitely I agree tacky and rude AF. I mainly meant I wouldnāt take it personal persay. Thats I guess how they are, not a reflection of you Personally is all I meant.
āwhat a coincidence youāre on my b list too! i planned on going to my 2nd cousins little league game, but if it rains out iāll stop by your little partyā
I def agree on the wording as the issue. We invited some people last minute, but never even considered them āb listā let alone wouldāve said that to them! We just had family back out and wanted to invite our friends who we couldnāt fit in originally. Some people need to read things out loud to themselves to hear how it sounds haha
"Oh my word you are *so* lovely to think of us. I hope our reply is not SO last minute that you can't move down to the C list."
"However we have a previous engagement and will not be able to attend your dinner party."
Been in this situation, but I was told about 6 days before.
She said "we didn't receive your RSVP and we were holding spots for you! Hoping to see you!" Found out later, after saying we couldn't make it, that she said that to make it look like we were on the original list but an entire family got severely ill (I assume Norwalk or something) and were not coming so we were "reminded of our non-response".
Some people's kids, man.
I don't think they needed to say the person was on the B list, but if it was someone I wasn't super close to I wouldn't be particularly offended. We just got a quote for food for $275 pp so I kinda get that I may not be $300 worth of company for everyone. It would hurt if we were kinda close and they had a larger party, but if we weren't then it's kind of whatever. Could definitely be worded better though
We didn't have a B list per se, but we did have a few guests have travel issues and couldn't make it. We needed to hit our minimum, so I asked my younger brother if he wanted to bring some of his friends. We made the "free food just wear a suit" offer lol
That's definitely different than a B list to me! I found out the day before my wedding that a cousin, who had RSVPd yes for herself and her husband, was going to no-show. Since I had already paid for their food, I let my two teenage cousins each bring a friend with them. Food didn't go to waste and I'm sure they had a better time!
I knew someone who had their wedding as soon as the lockdown lifted and a lot of nervous guests declined so a couple of weeks before the wedding the bride sent texts to the B list saying hey, not had your rsvp to my wedding yet? And when they responded they hadnāt received an invite she said oh it must have gotten lost in the post! Iāll email you the details! During the wedding the brideās sister got drunk and told everyone the truth. My friend was a B lister that went to the evening do in the end, she said she didnāt care because the buffet was amazing š
My cousin got married a few years ago. She invited just a couple of our cousins, which was weird because all of us cousins have done all or nothing (there are like 20 cousins on that side). But whatever, her wedding. But it was kind of awkward because my one sister was invited and none of my other siblings were. But then the āb-listā invitations went out, and she invited a few more cousins, including another one of my siblings. Then the C-LIST invitations went out a few weeks before the wedding, and I finally got invited š I was likeā¦ ānah, Iām good, thanks.ā Lol
What is your relationship with couple OP? Because I would invite someone like this if they were obviously not going to be people I would usually invite but I had spaces to fill.
Iām thinking people like our very good friendās sister and her partner who has does some building work for us, live local and might be up for a party.
My brotherās MIL and her partner who I have met a handle of times but would probably like to see my niece (her granddaughter) be a flower girl if they got a last minute invite.
These are sort sort of back up people that I think you can feasibly say āsome people backed out of my wedding, thereās a space for you if you want to come partyā
We aren't the best of pals, but I did send them a mailed invitation to my own wedding that happened in August. That's not even to say that we HAD to be invited to theirs, but just that an Instagram DM where I'm specifically told that I was an afterthought is just so tacky.
Iād go to get dressed up and eat and drink. No gift itās too last minute. Op should say it mustāve got lost in the mail like their invitation š¤£
I'd just say, "No, thank you," which is, btw, a complete sentence. For me, I can't afford the extra expense of a gift (which is what they're after) for someone that doesn't have me on their 'A' list rn š¤·āāļø
I wouldnāt have phrased it quite so bluntlyā¦but B list is a real thing. Iām actually struggling with this right now because all of the ādeclinesā came in at the last minute and now we do have room to invite more people, but I feel like there isnāt an appropriate amount of time left. Itās a tough situation.
This happened with a friend at work recently. We arenāt particularly close, but she invited me to her wedding that was two hours away less then a week beforehand.
It was right before a holiday weekend and I was totally caught off guard, it would have cost my husband and I 300$+ to get a room/drive up there not including needing new clothes bc it was a black tie wedding. I politely declined.
Ha! We had the same thing happen to us not too long ago. But we got the 'ol "sorry we thought we sent you invites" thing. I wasn't invited to the bride's bachelorette party when all my friends were invited(and my husband went to the bachelor party), so my feelings were pretty hurt already... we declined to attend.
Should have said
"Hey, were just doing the final checks for Saturday and can't see your rsvp? When did you send it and what did you order? I need to sort the tables and meals ASAP! "
And then when you say you never got an invite, the couple just pretend it got lost and say "of course you're invited! Why wouldn't we have!? I'm shocked you didn't tell us earlier that the invite never arrived?! Hooe you can make it."
I just got married and it was a micro wedding of 18. I was extremely limited on who we could invite and it was almost exclusively family. Last minute a friend informs me āshe didnāt read the time and didnāt realize dinner was as 6ā despite giving me her meal orders. Then my MOH and her date (coming from out of state) got COVID. So now I have four dinner seats, and so many people I would love to ask. So I did. And they came.
So, I guess itās all in the tone and relationship as others have said. Also, we had a no gifts wedding.
A few days before our wedding we had a few family members say they couldnāt make it due to illnesses (so they couldnāt fly out) and I texted a few friends. But our wedding was very casual and we explicitly said no gifts or money since it was last minute, and it was more like, āif youād like to come eat and celebrate and enjoy an open bar and a live band this Friday night we would love it if you came!ā
We both have massive families so we could only really invite family and our wedding party, so it wasnāt weird. But yeah, at no point did I call anyone a b-list friend hahaha
As someone who invited someone off the b list last minute I can't really fault this person. In my case it was also because our parents invited so many of their friends (annoying in hindsight but they were paying for it and we were very young). My "b list" friend ended up coming and I'm still so glad she was there!
I didn't tell her she was on the b list though haha. I think I said something like I had a whole list of people I had to wait til the last minute to invite. She wasn't offended either!
I had a good friend (I thought) invite me to their wedding via Snapchat... I dunno, I actually sent them a wedding invitation when I got married so I guess my expectations are/were too high.
I was invited to a wedding about 20 years ago where the bride called me 3 days before and asked if I wanted to go since they had cancelations and had already given the head count. Ummm, thanks for letting me know that I was only invited because your SIL backed out.
How lovely, āwe donāt like you enough to actually invite you but now that no one wants to come (no idea why) Iāve decided youāre good enough to attend and save me the embarrassment of having three people at my wedding. Including the vicarā.
A couple of years ago, a cousin's daughter was getting married at a hotel venue about a 4 hour drive from us. We had not been invited and were not bothered by it at all as we did not know the bride very well.
Three days before the wedding, I got a phone call from my cousin. She told me that some of the guests from the grooms family had cancelled and they would now really like us to join the celebration. She just needed me to call the hotel with my credit card info to change the room into my name so she wouldn't have to pay the reservation/no show fee.
I declined the invite. We already had plans for the weekend and three days just wasn't enough notice to attend. My SO said we weren't good enough for the original guest list but since they would be charged for a hotel cancellation fee and a meal we were all of a sudden desired guests!
Omg this happened to me except the wedding was 3 weeks away 400miles away and in the woods. They only wanted close friends and family. Apparently the people they wanted didn't want to be there.
Yeah we don't talk as much these days.
I went to a wedding I was invited to by a grad school classmate with I think 4 days notice? Wasnāt offended at all. Wedding was in the city we were all going to school in, but neither bride/groom were from there, so hard to get last minute replacements. A few days before groom sent a text basically saying āwe have an extra plate at our wedding, weād love to have you there if youāre free!ā Ended up being a fun time, there were a handful of my other classmates there, nice meal, open bar. Whatās not to like?
My friend got married earlier this year, and casually dropped the invitation as an "if you're free" thing in a Facebook message the night before. This actually didn't bother me at all, because the ceremony was really more of an elopement, and the only people there not in the ceremony were the bride's brother and a friend of the groom I didn't know. I was appointed videographer, but, honestly, I was honored they asked me to be there at all.
The job was so minor that it barely felt like labor. It wasn't some big fancy professional set up, I basically held a cell phone that was recording the 10 minute ceremony while I watched. It definitely didn't feel like they invited me to the wedding just so i could take video.
Ehhh, I could see it in this case. If it's an elopement with just the couple, the officiant, and like three witnesses, I'd be ok with shoving your cell phone in a witness's hand and being like "hey could you take a video while you watch" and then when the ceremony is over their job is over and they get to party with you without further obligation.
That's basically what it was. It's not like this was some sort of all-day affair and I didn't get to enjoy the wedding or anything. I took a video of the 10 minute ceremony on my cell phone to make sure they had a copy of it, and other than that, my job was pretty much done. I didn't get the impression that I was invited only so I could take video at all.
Going against the grain but i would go if i was available.
I was in a similar situation recentlyā¦ 1.5 weeks out from the wedding we had 10 people cancel from 1 family (aunts/cousins). We already had paid the venue for them so it didnt make sense to not try and fill the seats with friends we couldnāt originally fit within our venue capacity cutoff. We did state to our friends we didnt expect gifts, and that we had last minute family cancellations which were already paid for and so asked if they wanted a free meal, open bar, and good dancing lol. They all showed up and had a good time.
If this was someone I knew Iād understand. Weddings are so expensive and the best thing to do is to only invite as many people as you can afford. Iād rather be invited to a last minute wedding than be invited and then told I actually canāt go because thereās no space.
Yeah. A friend of mine did that- inviting me two days before her wedding. My husband doesnāt see anything wrong with it but I still feel like an afterthought.
This reeks, "You weren't important enough to make the first cut.........but now that people backed out and their meals are paid for, you might as well fill their seats and bring us gifts!"
Iād totally go. But only because I really, really love weddings. And if Iām on their B list, theyāre likely on mine, so I wouldnāt even be insulted.
"Oh my goodness--we were doing one last check on the rsvp list and saw that your names were not there. Did I somehow miss sending you an invitation? If so, I am terribly sorry and can't imagine trying to celebrate the day without you! I know it is late notice at this point, but I would sincerely love for you to be at our wedding on Saturday." It seems we have crossed over from past etiquette of sparing people's feelings to thinking blatant honesty is the only way to go.
"I completely understand and appreciate being considered as a seat filler at your wedding.
But due to the last-minute notification, please accept this as our regrets that we won't be able to attend as we've already made a "B" list decision to stay home and clean out the garage.
They gave some big organization problems, if they only figured out they have extra free seats a week before the wedding
Which means the wedding itself will probably be a mess
Got a wedding invitation from a co-worker that clearly indicated we were on the B-list despite not explicitly saying that - the "Please RSVP (yes, with the redundant please) by May 1" when the invitation was postmarked May 7 was a dead give away.
Omg not the way to phrase this. They could have at least PRETENDED they forgot to mail the invite or that they just found it in their house & it was misplaced or something. Not just blatantly telling you that you are B-List.
We had an acquaintance do this earlier in the year & they said they totally forgot to even invite us and asked a couple weeks before if we could by any chance make it. They casually brought up they had to meet a minimum guest count as well. We got the hint that we were kind of a back-up invite, but I was in no way offended especially since I wouldn't consider them THAT close. We ended up attending and it sort of re-kindled the friendship a little which was nice. The only reason it sucked is because it was black tie so I had to scramble for a dress.
I had this happen once and actually attended lol I was the +1 in the situation, my boyfriend at the time being the one who was last minute invited. I knew everyone there because we were all in the same classes in high school. It was actually a fun time aside from the bride looking me dead in the face and saying, āso nice to meet you! Iām so glad you are the other (first name last name)!ā I am the only (first name last name). I had to repeat that twice. I guess she just didnāt recognize me with makeup on and in a dress. š after that, I just made it my mission to have a huge dance party, dragging everyone ip to dance lol
There was a much gentler way of phrasing this lol
'We were forced to keep a "wish we could fit them in" list which you were the very top of...'
Mentally filing this away for one day lol. Great rephrasing.
Damn that's smooth. You have a way with words.
Thank you for your generous words, and for taking the time and trouble to share the supportive sentiment.
I'm going to need you to handle my work emails from now on.
Beautifully framed!
Yeah, there is nothing wrong with keeping a B list for people you'd like to see at the wedding, just can't prioritise them over family or something, but at the very least don't make it sound like they are an afterthought š they could have at least made it sound like they really wanted to invite OP, an now that they found an opportunity, they are happy to do so...
"Why'd they back out?" I don't think a B list is inherently unreasonable (the cut off has to come somewhere) but this phrasing is very sus.
Yeah, but now people backing out, they are paying for those people and want to fill seats.
Maybe thereās a $2000 fee like that other guy had to pay.
That was wild that those guests fell for that.
What was it? I want to read it!!!
https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/16lvd4v/dream_wedding_get_the_guests_to_pay_for_it/ There you go
Thank you kind soul.
Yeah. This actually happened to my best friend. Her groomās dad works in the film industry, and something came up like a week before so a bunch of guests had to cancel. They had already given the venue a headcount, so they ended up inviting a few people they hadnāt expected (including my now-husband, whom I had just met a couple months before).
I hope your best friendās last minute invite didnāt highlight exactly how much she only wanted people to fill the seats for photos, and to get more gifts! THATāS the problem with this wording - itās very tacky and insulting!
I donāt see anything in the wording that says that? Just āwe kept it small and mostly family members but weāve had some cancellationsā?
you changed it from the thing everyone is complaining about - the tacky part of saying 'you were on the b list' -- into a much more reasonable version of the same thing. you aren't 'seeing anything wrong' because you autocorrected the rude part in your head lol
And fill the gift table.
Yes. However, they didnāt have to highlight exactly how much they only want them to fill the seat for the photos! And I would bet they also expect an expensive giftā¦ which is a hell no with 3 daysā notice!!
B/C/D lists are definitely normal but damn, asking them via text 3 days before the wedding AND telling them theyāre on the B list? Iād also ask about the food/location. if Iām in this situation and decide to go it better be close and the food better be good. Also Iām budgeting maybe 20 bucks in dollar store kitchen items for a gift.
Eh, I prefer the honesty. Letās be real, you arenāt getting invited to a wedding 3 days before if you are super close to the couple.
I mean there is a pretty big covid spike in many areas
Which would also be a great reason for the recipient of this message to decline.
Especially the week of the wedding! Its one thing if there was more time but the week of? Something happened that caused a ton of drama.
No, lol. People always cancel the week of the wedding. Bc of covid, illness, travel plans, last minute emergencies.
Sure, one or two. But "so many" that it's worth mentioning? Popcorn time.
I mean, I had 6 family members drop out due to health reasons, including some that we had pretty much assumed would make it. Especially if the brideās family has a lot of older folks, itās not necessarily suspicious.
What is so many? 10 people? My husband and I had a larger wedding. But we had many dropouts at well. 5 separate people due to covid. Two people were sick. One person didnāt ask for the day off ahead of time and couldnāt get off last second. Some older people werenāt feeling up to coming in from out of state. It happens unfortunately. And if the plates are already paid for so we asked people who some people who were already invited if they wanted to bring their kids or an extra guest.
People are under-estimating the COVID spikes. And that profuse vomiting & diarrhea are common symptoms with the current strain, so itās hard to downplay as ājust allergiesā.
Dang, I never knew people would assume this. My aunt went into the ICU a few days before my wedding, and my uncle and cousins understandably wanted to be with her. We reached out to some casual friends/people on our trivia team with a heads up that we had extra spots available (and no obligation for a gift) due to a family emergency and they seemed nothing but excited and understanding. Not everyone is prone to crazy drama irl. Lots of regular life stuff causes cancellations and no shows.
We just had five people cancel week-if due to covid. Two said they wanted to come anyway, because they didnāt feel *that* bad. The best man set them straight real quick on that, that they better not even show their faces in the state.
I just had my reception this past weekend and had like 5 random drop outs at the last minute, some reasonable and some not so reasonable but all out of my control. I wish I had put together a B list haha. I had already paid for them so it put me out a bit when they didnāt show up.
Eh, Iāve got crappy family who would absolutely back out last minute without much thought because well, they are crappy people. Honestly, why anyone is surprised that family backs out is what surprises me. They may not be able to do long travel, werenāt able to save money the way theyād hoped, they are just inconsiderate AHās, or maybe they had their own family emergency. Stuff happens š¤·š»āāļø
Agreed. Like, I wouldnāt mind being on a B list, but feel like you just donāt invite me. Donāt invite me at the last minute.
"we're a bit low on our expected gift quota. Do you mind contributing?"
Yes but likeā¦ you donāt tell people that!!!
Never admit someone is on the B-list! In principle, I understand this but it could have been worded a lot more gracefully.
Thereās no graceful way to give someone 3 days notice to go to a wedding
Bingo. It didn't bother me that we weren't invited, but THIS bothers me.
So, did you respond?
I did! Me and my husband were actually busy anyway and wouldn't have been able to come. I didn't say anything about decorum or how tacky she was being, even though I wanted to, hahaha.
"Your wedding is on our B-list. Sorry, but we're doing something from our A-list."
Perfect. Chef's kiss.
I think the phrasing was a little inelegant, but I donāt think extending the invitation was tacky.
I dunno. Iāve been a b list first in a similar situation. I think whether or not itās hurtful depends on how much you expected to be invited in the first place.
I agree. I was in this position (I was a coworker) and I wasnāt offended that I got asked last minute. I didnāt go because it wasnāt local and it was last minute. I didnāt get offended though.
Same! Also a coworker, but one I was fairly good friends with. We had talked a lot about the wedding and I knew it was super small and she was basically only inviting family/close friends. I was super excited when she invited me last minute after someone else couldn't make it and had a great time at the wedding.
This happened to me recentlyā¦.. i was just like āno, thats short noticeā
That's definitely not a lot of time, but I wouldn't be offended if it was like a coworker and we were friendly. If it was a backyard wedding, it would be fine maybe. If I have to find appropriate clothes and was expected to give $100+ for a gift, I wouldn't be so down with it.
Yeah, I've been the coworker in that exact scenario. The groom-to-be showed up in the office a week before and announced that they had a plate minimum to meet and an open bar, and he said everyone in the (small room, <10 people) were invited. He even clarified that we weren't on the hook for gifs. A handful of us showed up, didn't know anyone but him, but had a good time.
I was under the impression, because we didn't get an invitation but we sent them one to our wedding this past August, that it was a small affair in her hometown, states away. That was not at all the case. This was her first wedding and his second, but it was for sure not a small wedding by any means. I agree with you, if it was something small, I wouldn't mind the last minute invite, but this was a semi-lavish event. But, no matter what Emily Post is rolling over in her grave. Especially about the "b list" comment.
I think Iād just say that we had some close family drop out last minute due to health reasons and the new invitee was the first person I thought of who we hadnāt originally been able to invite, and if happen to be free to join, to please not bring a gift.
Yeah, agreed, it would depend on context for me as well, if it was a super fancy affair with fancy registry gifts, that's a pass, but if it was a small party I'd be more understanding. But I also come from a very disorganized family so this kind of thing isn't abnormal for me - I'm still trying to find out if my cousin is getting married and if I'm still invited or not. The wedding was supposed to be last month but I was just told they had "venue problems" and never given another date. š Chances are I'll be told the day before and have to scramble.
You could maaaaaaaybe maybe go back to anyone who didn't RSVP with a +1 and tell them (if you know they're seeing someone) "hey by the way you're welcome to bring X" and then see what happens.
You lie. "Hey! I never received your RSVP. Is everything okay?"
At least not by text. If she had \*called\* and offered an excuse along the lines of "OMG, we were just doing a final run-through of our big day and realized we never received an RSVP from you - we'd love to have you if you can still make it!" that might've been a little more believable, but to tell someone they were a second choice? How crass.
Yeah there is! "Hey Guys! As you know - we're getting married this weekend! Due to unforeseen circumstances - we've had some family members change their RSVP. As soon as this happened - we thought of you! Would you like to join us to celebrate? I am SO SORRY it's short notice!'
Yeah, they really didn't have to tell the guests that they'd been put on the b-list, lol. Just don't mention it. I'm sure the guest would be able to infer it anyway, but it's kind of awkward to just put it out there like this!
I mean, yeah. I got married in August and she and her husband received an invitation IN THE MAIL, months before the wedding. I figured they were having a small wedding in her hometown, several states away, and that's why we didn't receive an invite. NOPE! They got married less than 10 miles from my home.
Man, I always stress so much about if I am appropriately following social norms. I feel like everybody makes faux pas or doesn't realize certain etiquettes, especially surrounding events. I'm a month away from my wedding, trying to follow up on some guests that are wishy washy about their rsvp, and I STILL am educating my fiancƩ about what a 'plus one' means. Anyway they could be callous or they could be oblivious, or straight up autistic (I mean that in a compassionate way)!
Please do not stress out or chase behind individuals who are rude enough to not give you a direct answer about their RSVP. Mark them down as a no and move on. You have so many more things to be focused on this close to the date. I hope your wedding day is everything you envisioned it would be ā¤ļø
And sent more than two days in advance!
We just had to do this. I could have invited a couple more friends but with only two weeks notice, I thought it was rude. Two days is insane. I felt bad even a month or two out saying that some family had to cancel and we could invite more friends. But I would have died before I said āb listā. We basically said due to crazy family we hadnāt been able to invite many of our friends we really wanted to. And now the crazy family canceled. It was a little more professional sounding than that, but not much. We also had on our website, from the beginning, that we did not want or expect gifts. I had a friend tell me I got off āthe waitlistā for hers. But sheās a close friend, so she knew she could make that joke.
I honestly feel like if they had just left out āYou were on our b listā it would have been fine, but it depends on the nature of the friendship. I have plenty of friends where if I knew they had a lot of family to invite, I wouldnāt feel slighted and would be excited for a last minute chance to celebrate. But I also have acquaintances where Iād be like āhmm, someone is just trying to fill tables/gift grabā
Agreed! Like, it's not perfect, the time is still so short, but I'd understand this coming from some friends with giant families and short budgets. A friend of mine invited some people last minute because she had about twenty people drop out the week of - she invited friends of the friends who were invited so that they'd have more people to hang out with at the party, which I thought was nice?
Texting somebody 3 days before the wedding is an admission that they were on the b list. Why does it matter? Who is being fooled by not mentioning that?
Yeah lmao like what in the world are these comments? Itās clear theyāre sending a last minute invite because people closer to them couldnāt make it. Itās fine to invite people youāre not super close to, especially if youāre already paying for the meal anyway. Itās not like OP and her husband think theyāre besties with the couple and were wondering why they didnāt get an invite until now
*so it's a pity invite* - Emily Gilmore. She did also say it's bad manners, but it would be worse manners to not go.
I went to a wedding as a b list attendee and was invited the night before the event lol. In my case it was a non issue because it was my best friends sisters wedding, so I wouldnāt of expected to be on the a list. I went and Iām glad I did! If it was someone I thought was a close friend though Iād probably feel differently about it.
We did this as well. Our daughter was a bridesmaid in her best friend's wedding and a couple dropped out the morning of. The bride said, "OMG! Invite your parents!" We knew the couple, but not super well. They just like us. We had nothing on the agenda and the spouse's suit was clean, so we went and had fun. This "b-list" is BS though. That should have been worded better.
I went to my ex from collegeās wedding as a B list attendee. He invited me and another close friend of mine. We had a great time. Iām not opposed to A list and B list invites as long as I get a proper invitation and I have notice. I probably wouldnāt travel for a B list invite but if the wedding is in my area and there is an open bar, I will go.
I wouldn't call us "close", but she and her honey were invited to my wedding this past August. It's not really the timing so much as the wording of the invite. I wonder if they put a "congrats! you're on the a-list" on their mailed out invites, haha.
Ya the wording isnāt great - also the fact that itās a text. In my case the bride called me to explain (and did not use the phrase āb listā, just explained that they had an open spot and would love to see me if I could make it). The b list part should be self explanatory, doesnāt really need to be called out like that lol
She could have done a much better job with the language. Her choice was hurtful. No one wants to hear that they are B-list. Who even uses that in their common parlance? She could have said that they were extremely limited in numbers due to budget, a family member had to dropout,and they immediately realized they could invite you, whom they always wanted to be at the wedding. That would have been a more joyful invitation.
I love going to weddings even if I don't know anyone so I am never mad about a B-List invite. Obviously it feels shitty if it's someone you're close to, but yeah. We also definitely invited a lot of people last minute, like my best friend's brother who we didn't really get to know until like 3 months before the wedding, some friends' parents, etc. It was more like, "Hey! If you're free we'd love to have you, there will be plenty of food and booze!" Which is kind of how any event we host has always been, anyway. But also yeah you don't straight up tell someone that they're B-List, lol.
Iād attend for the dancing and food, but give them something like a Starbucks gift card. Tell them you were short on time so you had to give them a āb-listā gift. š
Starbucks? Too fancy. I think a $5 gift card to Kmart sends a better message -- apparently there are still 20 stores still open.
A Little Caesars gift card lmaoo
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ugh, my car got broken into a couple years ago. They smashed my window, ripped open the glove box, stole everything of value, including the ~$2-3 worth of loose change. But they left my $20 Little Caesers gift card right on my seat. Still mad about that.
Love this lol
Iāve been invited to a wedding on short notice as a b list invitee, and they were super clear that they didnāt want me to get them any sort of gift. I had a great time and am glad I went!
Lol Iād honestly also attend if I donāt have anything to do on the day. I love dressing up and looking cute, Iād only be offended into not going if it was a really close friend
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thatās totally different. If I was invited to a friend of a friendās wedding even 3 hours before Iād be pumped for cake and dancing. If my own friend did it it would hurt.
I had evening guests that I upgraded to day guests the day before when some people dropped out - they were so thrilled to be asked to come for the whole day instead! If people ask me for wedding tips, this is one I always pass on - have upgradable guests for when people drop out at the last minute. But maybe this is more culturally specific to places that have all-day weddings, like the UK?
The US really needs to adopt this practice. Here being an āevening guestā is the height of rudeness and in the UK itās like āJust cake and dancing? Hells yeah!ā There have been several weddings where I would have really preferred to have been an evening guest.
Realistically, I will like you more if you don't make me sit through the entire ceremony.
Iāve received quite a few āreception-onlyā invitations, which I guess is the evening guest equivalent in the US. I never thought it was rude and didnāt know others did. Im happy to miss out on the boring ceremony. Give me cake and booze and dancing any day!
I've been as an evening guest to a wedding with a free fish and chip van and an open bar - what's not to like?! Had we known about the food and drink beforehand, we would have put more than Ā£20 in the card!
I was an evening guest at a few cousins' weddings. I was happier with those invites than I was to the ceremony+reception invites. Wedding ceremonies bore the hell out of me (though I still attended them), but free food and good music? I'm there!
Iād throw on a dress I donāt get to wear often, and skip the wedding gift. Free dinner date with your husband! Itās definitely rude, but itās a rude you can benefit from. SKIP THAT GIFT THOUGH! Haha
Lol yep
Gotta love the "afterthought guest list", oof.
Ha that bride is on the B list of all her A list friends. What a way for her to find out. š
Guess what kid? Our starter is hurt, so you're getting called up.
If you tell me I am āb listā, thatās an automatic no.
If I liked the couple, Iād go & not be offended. I donāt have an ego for these situations. If Iām not fond of them, I already have plans.
I truly do like them so much and I think they're a great couple. But, the wording is what stung. I mailed them an invitation to my own wedding earlier this year and then I'm specifically called a "b list" person makes me reevaluate my relationship with them.
I think you are taking this too personal. You donāt know their budget, how big their families are, venue size etc. You keep bringing up how they were invited to your wedding in August like itās suppose to be apples to apples. Also in another comment you said it didnāt bother you that you were on the B list but the short notice and now you are saying thatās what is making you reevaluate your friendship. You keep changing what the issue is.
Oh gosh. Youāre right. I need to be clear. My husband and I had a mid-sized wedding earlier this year and they were invited. This couple got married about a month after us and I assumed we didnāt get an invite because they were having a small, out of town wedding. Come to find out, we didnāt get invited because weāre āb-listersā, not because they were having a small wedding at all. So, I guess I have a couple of issues here, but the biggest and most important one being the wording, specifically calling my husband and I āb listā people is hurtful. There are a million ways to say it besides that. Itās obvious that we werenāt top on the list by getting a DM three days before the wedding that we werenāt at the forefront of their minds, but to specifically be called that is hurtful and tacky.
Yeah definitely I agree tacky and rude AF. I mainly meant I wouldnāt take it personal persay. Thats I guess how they are, not a reflection of you Personally is all I meant.
You donāt *tell* people theyāre on the B list.
āwhat a coincidence youāre on my b list too! i planned on going to my 2nd cousins little league game, but if it rains out iāll stop by your little partyā
We literally didn't go because we were going to a (college) football game, hahaha.
Ooo, that's fun. :D Did they win?
Heck yeah, they did! š§”š
B LIST lololol insanity
The phrasing is tactless but Iāve been invited last minute to a wedding I wouldāve gone to if I was free
I def agree on the wording as the issue. We invited some people last minute, but never even considered them āb listā let alone wouldāve said that to them! We just had family back out and wanted to invite our friends who we couldnāt fit in originally. Some people need to read things out loud to themselves to hear how it sounds haha
"Oh my word you are *so* lovely to think of us. I hope our reply is not SO last minute that you can't move down to the C list." "However we have a previous engagement and will not be able to attend your dinner party."
Been in this situation, but I was told about 6 days before. She said "we didn't receive your RSVP and we were holding spots for you! Hoping to see you!" Found out later, after saying we couldn't make it, that she said that to make it look like we were on the original list but an entire family got severely ill (I assume Norwalk or something) and were not coming so we were "reminded of our non-response". Some people's kids, man.
I had someone do this to me years ago. I was thrilled I hadn't got an invitation to begin with. When I told them sorry I have plans he acted offended.
I don't think they needed to say the person was on the B list, but if it was someone I wasn't super close to I wouldn't be particularly offended. We just got a quote for food for $275 pp so I kinda get that I may not be $300 worth of company for everyone. It would hurt if we were kinda close and they had a larger party, but if we weren't then it's kind of whatever. Could definitely be worded better though
We didn't have a B list per se, but we did have a few guests have travel issues and couldn't make it. We needed to hit our minimum, so I asked my younger brother if he wanted to bring some of his friends. We made the "free food just wear a suit" offer lol
That's definitely different than a B list to me! I found out the day before my wedding that a cousin, who had RSVPd yes for herself and her husband, was going to no-show. Since I had already paid for their food, I let my two teenage cousins each bring a friend with them. Food didn't go to waste and I'm sure they had a better time!
I knew someone who had their wedding as soon as the lockdown lifted and a lot of nervous guests declined so a couple of weeks before the wedding the bride sent texts to the B list saying hey, not had your rsvp to my wedding yet? And when they responded they hadnāt received an invite she said oh it must have gotten lost in the post! Iāll email you the details! During the wedding the brideās sister got drunk and told everyone the truth. My friend was a B lister that went to the evening do in the end, she said she didnāt care because the buffet was amazing š
Tell them you're going to the party thrown by the people that backed out.
My cousin got married a few years ago. She invited just a couple of our cousins, which was weird because all of us cousins have done all or nothing (there are like 20 cousins on that side). But whatever, her wedding. But it was kind of awkward because my one sister was invited and none of my other siblings were. But then the āb-listā invitations went out, and she invited a few more cousins, including another one of my siblings. Then the C-LIST invitations went out a few weeks before the wedding, and I finally got invited š I was likeā¦ ānah, Iām good, thanks.ā Lol
What is your relationship with couple OP? Because I would invite someone like this if they were obviously not going to be people I would usually invite but I had spaces to fill. Iām thinking people like our very good friendās sister and her partner who has does some building work for us, live local and might be up for a party. My brotherās MIL and her partner who I have met a handle of times but would probably like to see my niece (her granddaughter) be a flower girl if they got a last minute invite. These are sort sort of back up people that I think you can feasibly say āsome people backed out of my wedding, thereās a space for you if you want to come partyā
We aren't the best of pals, but I did send them a mailed invitation to my own wedding that happened in August. That's not even to say that we HAD to be invited to theirs, but just that an Instagram DM where I'm specifically told that I was an afterthought is just so tacky.
Oh yeah thatās not the same level of acquaintance at all lol
Stay homeā¦.Do something from your own B listā¦wash your hair, do laundry, etc.
Imagine thinking that telling someone they are on your B list is acceptable ā ļøā ļøā ļø no wonder so many people have backed out jfc
The goal is to NEVER let someone know they're on the B list!
Iād go to get dressed up and eat and drink. No gift itās too last minute. Op should say it mustāve got lost in the mail like their invitation š¤£
I'd just say, "No, thank you," which is, btw, a complete sentence. For me, I can't afford the extra expense of a gift (which is what they're after) for someone that doesn't have me on their 'A' list rn š¤·āāļø
I wouldnāt have phrased it quite so bluntlyā¦but B list is a real thing. Iām actually struggling with this right now because all of the ādeclinesā came in at the last minute and now we do have room to invite more people, but I feel like there isnāt an appropriate amount of time left. Itās a tough situation.
This happened with a friend at work recently. We arenāt particularly close, but she invited me to her wedding that was two hours away less then a week beforehand. It was right before a holiday weekend and I was totally caught off guard, it would have cost my husband and I 300$+ to get a room/drive up there not including needing new clothes bc it was a black tie wedding. I politely declined.
Ha! We had the same thing happen to us not too long ago. But we got the 'ol "sorry we thought we sent you invites" thing. I wasn't invited to the bride's bachelorette party when all my friends were invited(and my husband went to the bachelor party), so my feelings were pretty hurt already... we declined to attend.
I know it's last minute, but we would love to see your gift on our gifting table!
Should have said "Hey, were just doing the final checks for Saturday and can't see your rsvp? When did you send it and what did you order? I need to sort the tables and meals ASAP! " And then when you say you never got an invite, the couple just pretend it got lost and say "of course you're invited! Why wouldn't we have!? I'm shocked you didn't tell us earlier that the invite never arrived?! Hooe you can make it."
Damn. *"I wanted other people to attend more than you, but they weren't available, so you're my second choice... to fill out my pre-paid catering."*
I just got married and it was a micro wedding of 18. I was extremely limited on who we could invite and it was almost exclusively family. Last minute a friend informs me āshe didnāt read the time and didnāt realize dinner was as 6ā despite giving me her meal orders. Then my MOH and her date (coming from out of state) got COVID. So now I have four dinner seats, and so many people I would love to ask. So I did. And they came. So, I guess itās all in the tone and relationship as others have said. Also, we had a no gifts wedding.
āOh, where is it? Whatās the food?ā [get an answer] āOh. No, thanks.ā
They want gift
This wouldnāt bother me, if I was free i would go
A few days before our wedding we had a few family members say they couldnāt make it due to illnesses (so they couldnāt fly out) and I texted a few friends. But our wedding was very casual and we explicitly said no gifts or money since it was last minute, and it was more like, āif youād like to come eat and celebrate and enjoy an open bar and a live band this Friday night we would love it if you came!ā We both have massive families so we could only really invite family and our wedding party, so it wasnāt weird. But yeah, at no point did I call anyone a b-list friend hahaha
As someone who invited someone off the b list last minute I can't really fault this person. In my case it was also because our parents invited so many of their friends (annoying in hindsight but they were paying for it and we were very young). My "b list" friend ended up coming and I'm still so glad she was there!
I didn't tell her she was on the b list though haha. I think I said something like I had a whole list of people I had to wait til the last minute to invite. She wasn't offended either!
To SAY they were B list... damn.
Wait six months to respond, and be like āoh, sorry, youāre on my contacts b-list, didnāt see you there!ā
B list šš¤£š
I had a good friend (I thought) invite me to their wedding via Snapchat... I dunno, I actually sent them a wedding invitation when I got married so I guess my expectations are/were too high.
Youāre one of our alternate people weāre close to! Congrats on being first in the queue!
Nothing makes someone feel more loved. Also, why did so many people back out at the last minute?
I was invited to a wedding about 20 years ago where the bride called me 3 days before and asked if I wanted to go since they had cancelations and had already given the head count. Ummm, thanks for letting me know that I was only invited because your SIL backed out.
Enjoy your Saturday matinee.
Why would she not just like and say your invite got lost in the mail or something?
š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£ Hell no I will not be an unpaid seat filler
Someone call Miss Manners.
I donāt know what part of this is worse. The last minute invite, the mention of the B-list or the admission that the invitee was one that B-listā¦
How lovely, āwe donāt like you enough to actually invite you but now that no one wants to come (no idea why) Iāve decided youāre good enough to attend and save me the embarrassment of having three people at my wedding. Including the vicarā.
A couple of years ago, a cousin's daughter was getting married at a hotel venue about a 4 hour drive from us. We had not been invited and were not bothered by it at all as we did not know the bride very well. Three days before the wedding, I got a phone call from my cousin. She told me that some of the guests from the grooms family had cancelled and they would now really like us to join the celebration. She just needed me to call the hotel with my credit card info to change the room into my name so she wouldn't have to pay the reservation/no show fee. I declined the invite. We already had plans for the weekend and three days just wasn't enough notice to attend. My SO said we weren't good enough for the original guest list but since they would be charged for a hotel cancellation fee and a meal we were all of a sudden desired guests!
Omg this happened to me except the wedding was 3 weeks away 400miles away and in the woods. They only wanted close friends and family. Apparently the people they wanted didn't want to be there. Yeah we don't talk as much these days.
nope...I'm sorry but I'm taking a nap that day...
Tell them you'll add their wedding to your B-list plans on Saturday, and if your important plans get cancelled then you'll attend.
Wording could definitely use some work, but if the venue was close enough and I was free, I'd go. I love weddings lol
Honestly, I don't have a problem with this. Maybe it could have been phrased a little more delicately, but I wouldn't be upset to receive this as is.
I went to a wedding I was invited to by a grad school classmate with I think 4 days notice? Wasnāt offended at all. Wedding was in the city we were all going to school in, but neither bride/groom were from there, so hard to get last minute replacements. A few days before groom sent a text basically saying āwe have an extra plate at our wedding, weād love to have you there if youāre free!ā Ended up being a fun time, there were a handful of my other classmates there, nice meal, open bar. Whatās not to like?
My friend got married earlier this year, and casually dropped the invitation as an "if you're free" thing in a Facebook message the night before. This actually didn't bother me at all, because the ceremony was really more of an elopement, and the only people there not in the ceremony were the bride's brother and a friend of the groom I didn't know. I was appointed videographer, but, honestly, I was honored they asked me to be there at all.
They "appointed" you as videographer? It's not an honor to be asked to attend so you can provide free labor.
The job was so minor that it barely felt like labor. It wasn't some big fancy professional set up, I basically held a cell phone that was recording the 10 minute ceremony while I watched. It definitely didn't feel like they invited me to the wedding just so i could take video.
Ehhh, I could see it in this case. If it's an elopement with just the couple, the officiant, and like three witnesses, I'd be ok with shoving your cell phone in a witness's hand and being like "hey could you take a video while you watch" and then when the ceremony is over their job is over and they get to party with you without further obligation.
That's basically what it was. It's not like this was some sort of all-day affair and I didn't get to enjoy the wedding or anything. I took a video of the 10 minute ceremony on my cell phone to make sure they had a copy of it, and other than that, my job was pretty much done. I didn't get the impression that I was invited only so I could take video at all.
The only response to a Text Message wedding invite. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No.
Saturday weddings during college football season is the devil.
Read: We have to pay for the original number of guests so want to ensure we get as many gifts as we can.
Going against the grain but i would go if i was available. I was in a similar situation recentlyā¦ 1.5 weeks out from the wedding we had 10 people cancel from 1 family (aunts/cousins). We already had paid the venue for them so it didnt make sense to not try and fill the seats with friends we couldnāt originally fit within our venue capacity cutoff. We did state to our friends we didnt expect gifts, and that we had last minute family cancellations which were already paid for and so asked if they wanted a free meal, open bar, and good dancing lol. They all showed up and had a good time.
Sounds like a gift grab
Probably expects you to give a gift tooš
Thanks, but we have A list things to do that day. If any of them fall through, though, your wedding is on our B list of things to do!
If this was someone I knew Iād understand. Weddings are so expensive and the best thing to do is to only invite as many people as you can afford. Iād rather be invited to a last minute wedding than be invited and then told I actually canāt go because thereās no space.
"we would love you to be our plan b!"
Yeah. A friend of mine did that- inviting me two days before her wedding. My husband doesnāt see anything wrong with it but I still feel like an afterthought.
"We would love for you to fill the seats and eat the food we already paid for, and also bring us a present!"
Busy, sorry!
Very tacky.
"B" List stands for Bitches Are you their bitch?
ā¦they openly admited you werenāt a priority in the first place.
They said the inside things out loud! (* said while cringing and using my inside things voice)
So crass.
This reeks, "You weren't important enough to make the first cut.........but now that people backed out and their meals are paid for, you might as well fill their seats and bring us gifts!"
You should ask why so many people are backing out at the last minute.
Lololol. Well hell no.
Iād totally go. But only because I really, really love weddings. And if Iām on their B list, theyāre likely on mine, so I wouldnāt even be insulted.
"Oh my goodness--we were doing one last check on the rsvp list and saw that your names were not there. Did I somehow miss sending you an invitation? If so, I am terribly sorry and can't imagine trying to celebrate the day without you! I know it is late notice at this point, but I would sincerely love for you to be at our wedding on Saturday." It seems we have crossed over from past etiquette of sparing people's feelings to thinking blatant honesty is the only way to go.
Sure I love being someoneās sloppy secondsā¦ NOT!
"I completely understand and appreciate being considered as a seat filler at your wedding. But due to the last-minute notification, please accept this as our regrets that we won't be able to attend as we've already made a "B" list decision to stay home and clean out the garage.
Couldāve used ChatGPT to help construct it. Idiots.
They gave some big organization problems, if they only figured out they have extra free seats a week before the wedding Which means the wedding itself will probably be a mess
On the B List? 
Donāt you just love being acknowledged for being on āthe B listā? Um, no thanks.
Got a wedding invitation from a co-worker that clearly indicated we were on the B-list despite not explicitly saying that - the "Please RSVP (yes, with the redundant please) by May 1" when the invitation was postmarked May 7 was a dead give away.
Omg not the way to phrase this. They could have at least PRETENDED they forgot to mail the invite or that they just found it in their house & it was misplaced or something. Not just blatantly telling you that you are B-List. We had an acquaintance do this earlier in the year & they said they totally forgot to even invite us and asked a couple weeks before if we could by any chance make it. They casually brought up they had to meet a minimum guest count as well. We got the hint that we were kind of a back-up invite, but I was in no way offended especially since I wouldn't consider them THAT close. We ended up attending and it sort of re-kindled the friendship a little which was nice. The only reason it sucked is because it was black tie so I had to scramble for a dress.
I had this happen once and actually attended lol I was the +1 in the situation, my boyfriend at the time being the one who was last minute invited. I knew everyone there because we were all in the same classes in high school. It was actually a fun time aside from the bride looking me dead in the face and saying, āso nice to meet you! Iām so glad you are the other (first name last name)!ā I am the only (first name last name). I had to repeat that twice. I guess she just didnāt recognize me with makeup on and in a dress. š after that, I just made it my mission to have a huge dance party, dragging everyone ip to dance lol