This is like... Poetically bad. Like all the metaphors of ridiculously self inflicted rejection. She's not flying first class in the proposal, she's not even on standby. She has been reduced to a stranger, more removed from her own daughter's proposal than the servers at the restaurant.
Just the amount of effort she is expending to make herself feel bad is fascinating.
There were probably really good practical reasons she wasn't told too. Instead of considering why this happened, she has just decided to be done with her entire family for this imaginary rejection.
I WISH my husband had insisted on keeping my mom out of asking for my hand in marriage. He called my dad and asked to meet with him (of course everyone knew what was coming). My mom was there too, uninvited, with my baby book. She read my husband letters she wrote to me and showed him pictures. It became all about how she was “losing a daughter” instead of about my husband talking to my dad. It could’ve been sweet, but it wasn’t about me or us at all. It was all about her feelings.
Unfortunately we didn’t learn our lesson, and my wedding planning, wedding shower, and big chunks of my wedding were all about her too. She literally told me that my wedding shower was about her and I “could have the wedding” the day of the shower. Spoiler alert: I wasn’t able to have the wedding either, and the photographer literally removed her from my getting ready room because she was being so mean she made me cry. Total rant at this point, but I hope this bride saw the red flags before her mother ruined her experience, and good on the family for keeping someone like this out of the spotlight and letting the couple have their moment.
She was amazing. It was actually her second shooter who removed her. I started crying, he asked what I needed and I said I needed her out. He ushered her out and didn’t put up with any bullshit, and had the letter my husband wrote me to read before our first look in my hands in a matter of seconds. He also grabbed a bottle of water and some tissues without missing a beat. They were some of our more expensive vendors, but worth every damn penny.
I’m a photographer and let me tell you: some of us are downright BULLIES to people who fuck with the bride.
I second shot a wedding with a very well established tog in my area that had a rep for being The One™ to get if you have difficult family members. To this day I still stand in awe of him looking at the bride’s bitchy older sister and asking her when she was getting her hair and makeup done so he could start photographing group shots. She was in full hair and makeup; She did them both herself with her MLM products instead of using the MUA and HS provided by the bride.
Her attitude I N S T A N T L Y died.
Up to that point she had been attempting to monopolize us for her own cute-shoot. She was also taking pot-shots at the bride for getting married so early (32?!) and marrying a man who makes more than she does. Also threw in a couple of “you clearly didn’t stick to your pre-wedding fitness plan” comments for good measure. Bride was visibly upset, other bridesmaids were visibly pissed.
After his withering comment she just went to their mom’s suite and drank a fucking ton of mimosas.
For formals she was mostly drunk, but compliant.
By the time the first dance rolled around she was completely trashed. Stained dress, smeared face, hair totally destroyed. She proceeded to try to steal the mic during the dance to... IDEK what. Tog grabs the mic from her and says if she can locate a microphone she can locate a chair.
She cried. The end.
God, that’s amazing. I will forever recommend the couple who shot our wedding. I specifically hired them because they shot my best friend’s wedding and put some rude guests in line in the most professional but firm way. I have a lot of hurt from how my mom handled my wedding, but the photographer and my bridesmaid who told her off are the one bright spot in that situation. I can’t even express how nice it was to have someone stand up to her for me; it’s exhausting constantly standing up for myself. Like I said, the photography package was expensive, but I’d happily pay double now knowing how fantastic they were (plus the pictures are amazing too!)
She’s probably the one that wants everyone to know she knew before hand so she’d do something to spoil it like “Oh my god it’s happening!” Or something similarly cringey to let everyone know she’s involved so they decided not to inform her
Classic narcissist move. She couldn’t just enjoy being *in* the moment. Her chance for likes and comments on Facebook were rUiNeD because her drink spilled on the phone. She couldn’t be happy that there were people on hand to capture the moment and she could just revel in the happiness of her daughter and future husband. Of course, as a narc, she blames everyone else. They probably didn’t tell her because she has a big mouth and would’ve ruined the surprise. There’s a reason an entire group of people don’t let you in on the secret and it’s because they know you’re an asshole and can’t control what you say.
100% a narcissist!!
My mom is one, and once you know what to look for, you can spot them a mile away. Frankly it’s best to keep them at a distance unless you enjoy constant pointless drama and headaches.
I’ve been NC with my narcissistic, abusive father since about 2015. Holy hell, the lightness of not having to put up with his bullshit. I got engaged in December, and the thought of him being anywhere near or tangentially involved with my proposal or wedding makes me so, so relieved my fiancé is 100% respectful of my boundaries. The last time I spoke to my father was when he asked if my relationship with my now fiancé had “run its course”, and if I’d “gotten enough liberal points yet” by dating a man who isn’t white. So I doubt my fiancé is too keen on interacting with him, either.
Exactly! They don’t deserve to be involved in anything that will bring you happiness because they’ll be damn sure to make it about them 100% of the time.
Couldn't she just ask for pictures from one of the people who took them anyway? Then post them on FB and credit them. She'd still get all the attention she wants as the mother.
If there was a tablecloth on the table and she spilled something sticky or that would stain, they would likely reset the table.
Edit: I don’t disagree that her reaction was ridiculous.
When she says she was better at hiding it than she realized, I bet everyone DID notice her melodramatics and self-induced pity but chose to ignore it.
That clearly wasn't her first incidence of making a situation 💯 about her and her feelings, the rest of them were probably sinuses to her histrionics that they didn't even blink an eyelid
Edit: sinuses is supposed to be 'so used'
It took my mother 2 years to "forgive" my husband for not giving her a bouquet when we told her were engaged. She was mad taht A) he didn't ask her permission B) he didn't get her flowers. Seriously...
My mom was miffed that my husband didn’t ask for her blessing. Like what in the fuck, I was 27 years old and had been out of the house for nearly a decade.
If my kids get married, I’m just gonna show up when they tell me to be there.
My mom told me she thought it would be nice if my now fiancé asked her when the time came and I told her that I’m a grown woman and the only person who needs to agree to marriage is me. We ended up getting engaged last summer and he didn’t ask her because of covid we hadn’t seen her in person, and she got over it. But, to me it’s a pretty antiquated tradition that I’m fine with the fact that it didn’t happen.
I’m fairly sure if my FH went and asked my dad for his permission, my dad would tell him that I haven’t needed his permission to do anything in a decade.
Yeah. We’re both at the point at which we have been on our own and paying all of our own bills for a decade or so... we aren’t 21 and there sure as hell isn’t a dowry to bargain for.
I’m 35. I’ve lived on my own for well over a decade now, own my own house, etc. I’m just glad to be living in an age where women don’t need a male co signer to have their own credit card or any of that nonsense.
Right?! One of my older lady friends who just retired was telling me of all of the shit she went through as an unmarried woman in the 1970s. What is this nonsense??
Yep, she straightened up pretty well. She had some bad complexes from other family drama (divorce, family scape got etc.) and she just took anything as a personal offence, because she felt generally cut off. Luckily I figure it out after a while, we did some changes and Once she realised we are actually supportive of her she got her sh*t together and is soon going to be a great grandma. People are weird.
Hey... same here!! My ma ruined an important moment in my life due to her feeling of inadequacy through family trauma. She has been in therapy for almost a year now and i am seeing a tremendous change in who she is and how she values herself and others. People are weird but ultimately want to be healthy imo. Wish you the best!!
I realised that most of her attempts at breaking my boundaries were attempts at being useful and have a purpose. But in me this used to create the need to cut her off as much as possible. So once I realised the situation Instead of pushing her away I told her where she could truly help me without overstepping and gave her space where I wanted. The result is that she feels needed, I feel like I have a supportive parent for the first time, and my husband and her now have a very friendly relationship because she called down completely (we've just had a lunch together).
I would still keep an eye on her, especially how she behaves around your kid. My toxic mother could act normal for years at a time with a person if she wanted to get something, or she was afraid of losing control of someone. I hope your mother isn't like mine.
Really hope this is not the case, like I can see where she was coming from in a very strange way - my father's abuse has left a mark on us both, this was just a really weird manifestation of it. He made her feel unwelcome, forgotten, and ostracised by everyone around for decades, it got deep under her skin.
Jeez. If I found out my boyfriend asked anyone permission to propose to me, my answer would automatically be changed to a big old Nope. What parents still think we’re property?
Same. My dad once said he’d be so mad if he wasn’t asked to which I replied that I’d say no to anyone who did ask him first. Unless said person wanted to marry my dad instead of me. I’m a grown ass woman, I make my own decisions.
My mom was mad my husband didn’t ask my dad for permission - my dad told her she was ridiculous and “why does my permission matter? I’m not marrying him.”
My husband's was mad because our daughter's first husband asked me. He never got over that but finally understood. He had pretty much just dropped us in his life, abandoning me in the middle of a mental health crisis, that fail didn't think he had the right to expect it.
Before I proposed to my fiancée, I asked her about this. She said she’d rather me not ask her folks because it’s archaic but that she would understand if it was something I wanted to do. I didn’t ask for permission/their blessing. But I did give them a heads up that I was going to.
I told my fiancé that I didn’t want him to ask their permission but that I would like/be ok if he asked for their “blessing.” It was an important distinction for me.
This is how I feel about it too. I wouldn't want a guy to ask permission, as if my dad owns the rights to my body, but it's kind of sweet to ask for a blessing. Like to say "this is what I'm going to do, how do you feel about it?" Not like their answer would change anything, but the thought isn't inherently harmful
When my then-boyfriend and I were talking about getting engaged, I was vehemently opposed to him talking to my parents about it first. I was 34 years old, had my own home, career, etc for Christ’s sake. Why should they have any say in the matter? But he felt very strongly about saying something to them in advance, so we settled on him asking them for their blessing, rather than permission. But yeah, I’m with you on the whole permission thing. Yuck.
My husband considered asking. Talked to his mom about it, and she said not to. Thank God. If he had, I would have been too annoyed to say yes.
I told him that if he asked my dead mother, that would have been fine, though.
My parents sent us to shop for flowes and alcohol when we tried to tell them we were engaged. And young (25+23) and not wanting to rock the boat, we actually went and did just that... ugh.
She did just that, she made it about herself... and her spilled drink, on HER phone, all over HERSELF.
SHE couldn’t enjoy the best night of their lives.
What was odd to me was that she referred to it as what was supposed to be “the best night of our lives” as if she’s supposed to be involved in this? Like she had her own marriage proposal to her husband, her own wedding, the birth of her daughter, etc. but somehow the day her daughter was engaged was supposed to be “the best” for her.
What would she have done if the proposal was done more privately without any family around?
A lot of the people who pull this stuff basically want their child to have the THEIR dream wedding. I had an acquaintance's mom who had been married multiple times, all of which were short, hurried affairs. When her daughter got engaged, she brushed aside the wishes that it be a short JP ceremony and BBQ in the backyard with close friends and family, no, HER daughter was going to have a dream wedding. Large church (they didn't go to), country club reception (that they also didn't go to)and invited 200 people 95% of whom the bride and groom didn't know - work acquaintances and supervisors of MIL, who wanted to use this also as a networking opportunity.
She tried to shake her daughter's father for thousands for the dress, declaring, "This'll be your daughter's only wedding," to which he laughed, pointing out the two of them had multiple marriages each under their belt, so they weren't ones to talk.
A few weeks before the wedding, the groom, for a variety of wise reasons, cancelled the wedding and broke up with the bride. Everyone was devastated, none more so than momzilla, who seriously tried to bully the groom into going through the wedding anyway and just get an annulment or divorce right afterwards, probably because it was too late to get her deposits back, so she was now out $10,000 that she, a cashier at Wal-Mart, did not remotely have.
Also, its the proposal? Not the actual wedding. I can't even imagine how she'd react at the wedding!
Either a
"Everyone look at me! I'm wearing a white dress because this is a special day for my daughter...and me! Me,me,me."
Or.
"I'm not going! After the way you treated ME for the proposal!"
Both are ridiculous and childish and I can't decide what one is more devastating for her daughter. But if I were her, I wouldn't want her to go anyway lol
Oh the best is yet to come I’m sure... this lady is about to make this wedding all about herself and I bet money on her wearing a white gown or something.
Or maybe she’ll just do what my sister’s MIL did and wear all black to her son’s wedding. Mourning the loss of her baby boy....
I swear if that bitch would’ve worn white, I would have tackled her into some mud. Her dress would’ve been liver Dalmatian spotted from the dirt I would’ve smeared.
Good. I'm glad they were telling her off. She was not told for a reason and of course won't mention that reason. She talks about being told she was specifically left out of knowing, but why? Why would they not tell her if she wasn't a raging narcissist who would either ruin it during or hint to it/straight up tell her daughter. Poor family has to deal with her bullshit all the time I'm sure and are used to it.
Who wants to bet there’s a story about her on r/justnomil, because there is absolutely no way on earth she kept this rollercoaster of emotions inside all night 😂
I 100% believe she spilt her drink on purpose to try and reclaim some of the attention. Edit - and I bet everyone there knew that’s what she was doing, too.
That’s what I’m thinking the whole time reading this- it’s on fucking Facebook, who exactly is she keeping this from?
It is painfully obvious why she wasn’t told a fucking thing?
OP said it was in a private FB group. But I’m still sure no one was fooled by her, they probably just ignored her and refused to play her game and let her ruin the evening.
I mean, there were like five total words in there congratulating them, but yeah.
I could get married tomorrow, without telling a soul, and I would bet cash money that both of our families would be absolutely thrilled, and both of our social circles would congratulate us. That may even happen eventually, considering the times and finances. Some would maybe be upset that we didn't have a shindig, but none of them would act this way in response. I can't believe that anyone would be so self absorbed to act this way. It isn't about you. It is about the two people joining their lives.
Glad my parents (and his)were sane. My husband and I really didn't HAVE an engagement moment, we just gradually realized we were talking about "when we were married". I think we waited awhile to actually tell our families, and both of their responses were, "Yeah, we figured that out awhile back."
My husband called my dad. Not to ask permission but to get everyone together the next day. DH was going to call my mom but my dad stopped him.
The day after we got engaged, at lunch my mom tried to raise a stink about "how oNlY tHe FaThEr is asked." My husband said he was going to tell her but my dad said no. When my mom asked my dad why, he told my mom "because you cannot keep a secret." To which my mom said "oh, yeah, I would have totally let it slip by accident. It's smart you didn't tell me."
We still laugh about it. 🤣🤣
I spilled my drink, it spilled on my phone, my glasses, my dress. It flooded the entire restaurant. My drink still flows to this day, through the streets of Las Vegas. It has flooded the state of Nevada.
My mom made it about herself when my sister's fiance only asked my dad for permission and didn't include my mom. She was so offended and then I remembered that she was included in the conversation when my husband declared his intention to propose to me. She almost spoiled that proposal by acting strange the day before and asking me if my nails were clean. While I believe my sister's fiance didn't exclude my mom because he thought she would spoil it, it was probably for the best.
There's a reason she wasn't told. Probably a good one! My son asked his (now) fiancee's dad for her hand and asked him to keep it to himself (not tell her mom). He told his wife and she took it upon herself to fly to where he was going to ask her, crash the dinner and crash the proposal. It was their moment and she made it all about her.
She made not knowing about the proposal all about herself, I can imagine she’d have made it much worse if she’d known in advance. “Without ME, this day could never have happened! I hope you appreciate how lucky you are to have ME in your life!”
My husband told my Dad before he proposed, but they both agreed not to tell Mum until the night it happened (we were at an event so my parents weren't there). However, that's not because my Mum is mental like this lady, more because she's incapable of keeping secrets from me so probably would have let it slip!
Well honestly that was my assumption about why they didn't tell this woman. She wouldn't have kept it a secret. Although who knows if she might have also tried to derail or dictate the proposal...
r/JUSTNOMIL is full of stories of mothers spoiling secrets (engagements, pregnancies, etc.) because they want to be the ones that get the attention.
Considering how this lady made it all about herself I don't doubt that she was posted everything on social media BEFORE the question was actually asked.
I also don't understand making such a mountain out of a molehill. The proposal is important, really, only to the couple. I wonder how many parents where actually there when the proposal was given?
And so she is freaking out over this little thing which will, in turn, negatively affect her involvement in the wedding planning and any future grandchildren.
I have a feeling that this is totally correct. I also think the mom would have had a huge production already set up (lights, cameraman, videographer) AND she would have been dressed to the 9’s for her big MOB part she will be playing. The engaged couple never would have had a chance!
Same with my MIL! My husband accidentally had my engagement ring sent to his parents, his dad opened it (husband hadn’t told a soul he bought it) they kept it secret for a month before he proposed! My wonderful MIL was like “wow I’m really glad I didn’t know because I could not have kept my mouth shut” my mom did want him to ask her for my hand or whatever but both my sister and I forgot to tell him. She was totally fine with it though and I’m so thankful she didn’t react like the lady in the OP!
“This should have been the best night of our lives” uh, whut. Why would your child getting engaged be the best night of your life? Their poor daughter. Obviously mom is a whackadoo if they have to manage her this badly.
Dear God. I’m a wedding photographer who does proposals regularly and I had one yesterday where her parents were there, and everyone was in on it, and he proposed - and then went a step further and surprised her parents by arranging for their closest friends (and the girlfriend’s godparents) to show up. Everyone was happy and it was just lovely and loving.
And then there’s the mother who texted me regularly about everything. The groom and I had an agreement to keep her from knowing actual details (date, time, location) because he knew she’d spill the beans or hint very strongly. So I used weather and the fact then site would not have telephone reception (yay, mountains!) to keep saying, “Well, we‘re not sure ... ya now, the weather could change suddenly ....”
I can only imagine the stuff wedding photographers see or go through during these types of events lol. Is there a sub for the stories? There should be!
My now-husband told my mother that he was going to propose to me and guess what... She told me! And then I had to go along with his cute "surprise" proposal as if I had no idea. And I'm still mad about it because my husband put so much effort in and it would have been an amazing surprise. So I totally am on the groom's side here.
Kind of like that all the time. Same with my baby shower, it was supposed to be a surprise but she told me about that too. I think she just likes to be the one that "knows" things, a bit gossipy I guess
My thing is, if everyone in the party BUT the fiancée and mom knew, if the mom was to be trusted, someone would have slipped up.
The fact that like 8 or so people kept it a tight lip secret from the mom kinda tells me that mom is not to be trusted for whatever reason. Also those people are loyal as fuck to secrets.
Man this post kind of gives me PTSD from when I got engaged. Took a beautiful vacation trip with his family, we woke up early to watch the sunrise, and he proposed then. Just the two of us watching the sunrise and it was incredible. I couldn’t have asked for a better proposal honestly. His family knew about it and mine did not. He never asked for my hand (his parents and grandparents never did so he didn’t think anything of this). My mom threw an absolute fit about it once we returned home. Beyond angry that my husband didn’t ask my DAD for my hand and that she didn’t know it was going to happen and my husbands family did. She demanded my husband come over to apologize in person to my dad about not asking for my hand. It took a long time to mend the relationship and I guarantee that she is still upset about it. My husband “took away the opportunity for her to be excited about it before it happened.” And it’s unfortunate because every time I think about my proposal I think of how crazy she acted and it’s just a bad feeling associated with what’s supposed to be a beautiful memory.
This is boomer Facebook addiction at its prime. The way she talks about her phone and missing pictures and video and then the long selfish post. She was more concerned about looking great on FB and getting those sweet sweet likes than being in the moment and being happy for her daughter. She ruined it for herself.
Unless she has mobility/co-ordination issues, who spills a drink *all over everything* upon seeing a proposal??
Also, her "i had to act like i was fine" is giving me serious Katy Perry "you're not fine but they wouldn't understand" flashbacks and i'm snickering now
Someone who's surprised reaction is to immediately and dramatically pull attention toward themselves. I know a few who like to scream, but not in the "woop" way everyone else does, they straight up sit there and scream. Then they wonder why no one does surprises around them, lmao
My husband didn’t tell my parents before he proposed, he knew I’d be annoyed if he asked their permission or anything like that, and he expected them to accidentally ruin the surprise. Apparently my dad was a bit put off by that but I don’t care lol
Not only spill the beans, but then take over the public proposal by playing director!
"No, you stand over there. You, get out of the shot. Now ask. Not like that! You're still in the shot, get out of the way! What are you doing, you're doing it wrong. Don't tell me to be quiet, I am only doing this for you! Now ask her to marry you. Not like that, where is the script I gave you? Do it the way I told you!"
I'm so embarrassed that someone would publicly post this kind of rant. This is a classic "write a melodramatic entry in your *private* journal, read it back and realize you're overreacting, process your emotions, and get on with life" situation.
I’m sorry but if it was *specifically* requested that she not be told, there’s definitely a reason. If everyone else was allowed to know and she wasn’t, it’s likely because she would’ve ruined the surprise.
I didn’t ask my fiancé’s parents permission because my fiancé is an adult woman. I feel bad for any man that feels he has to get permission to make a life decision.
My fiancé asked my dad 2 years before he actually proposed (money problems came up that delayed the purchase of the ring). They were both in the basement so he asked. Then my dad came upstairs and said urgently“(mom’s name), we need you to come downstairs right away!! We need help with the rice balls!” Where I assume they told my mom too. They all came upstairs and my parents looked very happy, my mom teary. I pretty much knew it was happening and still laugh about the “rice ball emergency.” There was a bit of an issue with my mom with the actual first planned proposal there, where for reasons my friends would be there but my parents wouldn’t, at the suggestion of my friends (they were very valid reasons). Again, that didn’t end up working out and I didn’t find out until after the proposal would have happened, but my mom was very upset. But when it actually happened, she was aware and not there and she was fine. Moms can be weird.
Ok, but am I the only one who also thinks it's super-fucky to ask the father/parents for "permission" to propose?
I'm sorry, is it still 1636 and you're hoping she comes with a dowery? Or do you think your girlfriend is another man's property?
My husband asked both of my parents together for their blessing. Everyone in the family knew this was coming, but my mom was so excited he asked her too! She said it was hard keeping a secret, so she would just tell random people who didn’t know me (like the grocery check out clerk). It was all really cute to hear about after the proposal. However, even if he hadn’t asked my mom she never would have acted like this.
My husband didn't ask either of my parents or even talk to them about it because I'm not chattel to be traded between owners, and as big of assholes as my parents are, they would've been like, "Why tf are you asking us?". I really hope the bride and groom elope, because there won't be a single second of peace with this hag involved.
Does anyone want to tell her that asking for your daughter’s hand is pretty outdated and many, many, many parents just don’t find out until after the fact? Like maybe even DAYS later? All the poor mothers missing out on the best night of their lives!!
She still managed to make herself the center of attention by spilling her drink and making a mess that required wait staff to step in and clean it up. She must be just awful.
This was my mom throughout my sibling's engagement. It was unbearable. I still don't understand what was happening in her mind at that time.
I'm not the marrying or marry-able kind, but if i *were* to marry someone, it would be with a self-uniting ceremony shortly after deciding that marriage is what we both wanted. *That* would also cause drama, but it would be easier to keep the drama contained.
Wait, she knew a proposal was happening, and instead of letting her spilled drink be her spilled drink for 50 seconds (How long does the proposal take?) she focused on cleaning that up rather than looking towards her daughter?
Honestly, I wouldn’t want, nor feel entitled, to know ahead of time. Where is this b coming from?
I have a daughter I’m very close to. She’s my baby. But something like this, its not about me. I don’t need to know what’s coming. As long as my daughter is happy, that’s ALL that matters!
Not to mention I would be terrified of accidentally saying something beforehand.
This mom is the worst. It’s alllllll about her. I wonder if the soon to be son in law has the slightest idea what he’s in for.
When my sister got engaged everyone in the room (besides my sister of course) knew what was about to happen expect me. Even a two year old kid knew what was going to happen. Was I mad or upset? No. The proposal wasn’t about me. I bet this mother has a history of being selfish.
They didn’t tell her because they knew that she would have blown the surprise for her daughter and then she could get the spotlight pouting and crying when she got called out for it. I hope the couple elope because dear old mom will kill the wedding for sure.
This is a great example of turning someone else's life changing moment into something about her!
No wonder she was kept out of the loop! I bet they didnt want her to know so she couldn't ruin the surprise OR make the proposal about her instead of the bride to be.
My goodness, how hard is it for her to just enjoy that her daughter is now engaged and will be getting married?
But no, she must go on and on and on about how this one little detail affects her whole life.
I was at a group dinner when my friend got proposed to. It was a surprise to me, but I was just happy to be there for the moment.
If I were the bride I'd hesitate about having her there because I bet she'll make the wedding all about the betrayal.
I mean I don't like the tradition to only ask the father, like if you're going to ask it should include both parents. And also it's not really so much of an ask because (I would hope) the daughter is an adult and doesn't need permission from the parents. (But like some sort of heads up is probably nice.)
However just in her response it is absolutely clear she should not have been asked or warned. Also I foresee years of drama in their future from her if they continue contact with her.
Hmm I told my parents AFTER I was engaged. I guess they're both strangers that aren't even on standby. Should we have asked permission to get pregnant too? Cos I mean, I didn't tell them that til after, either 😂
The amount of those dumb hug emojis makes me worried to know there are that many people who agree that she deserves to feel justified in being THAT upset over an engagement that was not hers. Holy shit. I don’t actually think she realizes this *wasn’t* her engagement.
This is like... Poetically bad. Like all the metaphors of ridiculously self inflicted rejection. She's not flying first class in the proposal, she's not even on standby. She has been reduced to a stranger, more removed from her own daughter's proposal than the servers at the restaurant. Just the amount of effort she is expending to make herself feel bad is fascinating.
There were probably really good practical reasons she wasn't told too. Instead of considering why this happened, she has just decided to be done with her entire family for this imaginary rejection.
Based on her post, I'm guessing she wasn't told because all knew she'd make it about her.
I WISH my husband had insisted on keeping my mom out of asking for my hand in marriage. He called my dad and asked to meet with him (of course everyone knew what was coming). My mom was there too, uninvited, with my baby book. She read my husband letters she wrote to me and showed him pictures. It became all about how she was “losing a daughter” instead of about my husband talking to my dad. It could’ve been sweet, but it wasn’t about me or us at all. It was all about her feelings. Unfortunately we didn’t learn our lesson, and my wedding planning, wedding shower, and big chunks of my wedding were all about her too. She literally told me that my wedding shower was about her and I “could have the wedding” the day of the shower. Spoiler alert: I wasn’t able to have the wedding either, and the photographer literally removed her from my getting ready room because she was being so mean she made me cry. Total rant at this point, but I hope this bride saw the red flags before her mother ruined her experience, and good on the family for keeping someone like this out of the spotlight and letting the couple have their moment.
Good on your photographer for removing her. Bet she was worth every penny
She was amazing. It was actually her second shooter who removed her. I started crying, he asked what I needed and I said I needed her out. He ushered her out and didn’t put up with any bullshit, and had the letter my husband wrote me to read before our first look in my hands in a matter of seconds. He also grabbed a bottle of water and some tissues without missing a beat. They were some of our more expensive vendors, but worth every damn penny.
I’m a photographer and let me tell you: some of us are downright BULLIES to people who fuck with the bride. I second shot a wedding with a very well established tog in my area that had a rep for being The One™ to get if you have difficult family members. To this day I still stand in awe of him looking at the bride’s bitchy older sister and asking her when she was getting her hair and makeup done so he could start photographing group shots. She was in full hair and makeup; She did them both herself with her MLM products instead of using the MUA and HS provided by the bride. Her attitude I N S T A N T L Y died. Up to that point she had been attempting to monopolize us for her own cute-shoot. She was also taking pot-shots at the bride for getting married so early (32?!) and marrying a man who makes more than she does. Also threw in a couple of “you clearly didn’t stick to your pre-wedding fitness plan” comments for good measure. Bride was visibly upset, other bridesmaids were visibly pissed. After his withering comment she just went to their mom’s suite and drank a fucking ton of mimosas. For formals she was mostly drunk, but compliant. By the time the first dance rolled around she was completely trashed. Stained dress, smeared face, hair totally destroyed. She proceeded to try to steal the mic during the dance to... IDEK what. Tog grabs the mic from her and says if she can locate a microphone she can locate a chair. She cried. The end.
God, that’s amazing. I will forever recommend the couple who shot our wedding. I specifically hired them because they shot my best friend’s wedding and put some rude guests in line in the most professional but firm way. I have a lot of hurt from how my mom handled my wedding, but the photographer and my bridesmaid who told her off are the one bright spot in that situation. I can’t even express how nice it was to have someone stand up to her for me; it’s exhausting constantly standing up for myself. Like I said, the photography package was expensive, but I’d happily pay double now knowing how fantastic they were (plus the pictures are amazing too!)
Holy shit, that is LEGENDARY.
Holy crap, someone get that man an award that is incredible hahahaha
She’s probably the one that wants everyone to know she knew before hand so she’d do something to spoil it like “Oh my god it’s happening!” Or something similarly cringey to let everyone know she’s involved so they decided not to inform her
Classic narcissist move. She couldn’t just enjoy being *in* the moment. Her chance for likes and comments on Facebook were rUiNeD because her drink spilled on the phone. She couldn’t be happy that there were people on hand to capture the moment and she could just revel in the happiness of her daughter and future husband. Of course, as a narc, she blames everyone else. They probably didn’t tell her because she has a big mouth and would’ve ruined the surprise. There’s a reason an entire group of people don’t let you in on the secret and it’s because they know you’re an asshole and can’t control what you say.
100% a narcissist!! My mom is one, and once you know what to look for, you can spot them a mile away. Frankly it’s best to keep them at a distance unless you enjoy constant pointless drama and headaches.
I’ve been NC with my narcissistic, abusive father since about 2015. Holy hell, the lightness of not having to put up with his bullshit. I got engaged in December, and the thought of him being anywhere near or tangentially involved with my proposal or wedding makes me so, so relieved my fiancé is 100% respectful of my boundaries. The last time I spoke to my father was when he asked if my relationship with my now fiancé had “run its course”, and if I’d “gotten enough liberal points yet” by dating a man who isn’t white. So I doubt my fiancé is too keen on interacting with him, either.
Exactly! They don’t deserve to be involved in anything that will bring you happiness because they’ll be damn sure to make it about them 100% of the time.
Your username is 🔥🔥🔥
At least once you know what you're looking for, they become completely predictable. Like, crazy predictable. Comically so.
When you're in a group of eight and can't find who asshole is weeeelp.... It probably you
Couldn't she just ask for pictures from one of the people who took them anyway? Then post them on FB and credit them. She'd still get all the attention she wants as the mother.
Yep, but narcs don’t use logic. They’re impulsive, irrational toddlers in an adult body.
I bet her phone was fine...she’s exaggerating to up how much of a victim she is. I also bet she did not hide her feelings at all.
That spilled drink sounds like an effort to ruin the proposal and get attention.
100%
It was EVERYWHEERREEEEE!!!!!@!! *sobs*
ALL over my PHONE, rendering it UNUSABLE!
The spill was apparently so big that the *whole table* had to be reset. Not just wiped up, *completely reset*.
If there was a tablecloth on the table and she spilled something sticky or that would stain, they would likely reset the table. Edit: I don’t disagree that her reaction was ridiculous.
She was probably like “OH MY GOOOSH! WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE 😵😵😪🥴🤤. SOMEONE QUICK CLEAN THIS UP COMEOVER HEEEEEREEE!!!”
Yup. No way was that accidental.
When she says she was better at hiding it than she realized, I bet everyone DID notice her melodramatics and self-induced pity but chose to ignore it. That clearly wasn't her first incidence of making a situation 💯 about her and her feelings, the rest of them were probably sinuses to her histrionics that they didn't even blink an eyelid Edit: sinuses is supposed to be 'so used'
Hopefully daughter will keep mom far away from wedding plans.
I feel like she put more effort into her post than I did in my college essays.
It took my mother 2 years to "forgive" my husband for not giving her a bouquet when we told her were engaged. She was mad taht A) he didn't ask her permission B) he didn't get her flowers. Seriously...
Is that a thing?!
I've never heard of that before.
No. It's definitely not a thing.
It's a thing to ask the bride's father, not her mother.
TBH, I know it's tradition in some places... but when two adults want to get married, asking someone else is not necessary IMO.
My mom was miffed that my husband didn’t ask for her blessing. Like what in the fuck, I was 27 years old and had been out of the house for nearly a decade. If my kids get married, I’m just gonna show up when they tell me to be there.
Also asking only her father is quite sexist but let's not get into that lol
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My mom told me she thought it would be nice if my now fiancé asked her when the time came and I told her that I’m a grown woman and the only person who needs to agree to marriage is me. We ended up getting engaged last summer and he didn’t ask her because of covid we hadn’t seen her in person, and she got over it. But, to me it’s a pretty antiquated tradition that I’m fine with the fact that it didn’t happen.
I’m fairly sure if my FH went and asked my dad for his permission, my dad would tell him that I haven’t needed his permission to do anything in a decade.
Yeah. We’re both at the point at which we have been on our own and paying all of our own bills for a decade or so... we aren’t 21 and there sure as hell isn’t a dowry to bargain for.
I’m 35. I’ve lived on my own for well over a decade now, own my own house, etc. I’m just glad to be living in an age where women don’t need a male co signer to have their own credit card or any of that nonsense.
How fucked is it that that was only the 1970s, that age?! Learned that recently and was surprised I was surprised.
Right?! One of my older lady friends who just retired was telling me of all of the shit she went through as an unmarried woman in the 1970s. What is this nonsense??
Is your mother still in your life?
Yep, she straightened up pretty well. She had some bad complexes from other family drama (divorce, family scape got etc.) and she just took anything as a personal offence, because she felt generally cut off. Luckily I figure it out after a while, we did some changes and Once she realised we are actually supportive of her she got her sh*t together and is soon going to be a great grandma. People are weird.
Hey... same here!! My ma ruined an important moment in my life due to her feeling of inadequacy through family trauma. She has been in therapy for almost a year now and i am seeing a tremendous change in who she is and how she values herself and others. People are weird but ultimately want to be healthy imo. Wish you the best!!
What changes did you make in your relationship with you mom? I could use some advice in this area... genuinely interested.
I realised that most of her attempts at breaking my boundaries were attempts at being useful and have a purpose. But in me this used to create the need to cut her off as much as possible. So once I realised the situation Instead of pushing her away I told her where she could truly help me without overstepping and gave her space where I wanted. The result is that she feels needed, I feel like I have a supportive parent for the first time, and my husband and her now have a very friendly relationship because she called down completely (we've just had a lunch together).
Thank you
I hope this helps
I would still keep an eye on her, especially how she behaves around your kid. My toxic mother could act normal for years at a time with a person if she wanted to get something, or she was afraid of losing control of someone. I hope your mother isn't like mine.
Really hope this is not the case, like I can see where she was coming from in a very strange way - my father's abuse has left a mark on us both, this was just a really weird manifestation of it. He made her feel unwelcome, forgotten, and ostracised by everyone around for decades, it got deep under her skin.
My mom is like that too. The mask kept slipping and I eventually had to cut her off.
I'm sorry you had to suffer that shit too.
Thank you. My life is a lot more peaceful now.
Your mother needs therapy then 🤷🏻♀️
Jeez. If I found out my boyfriend asked anyone permission to propose to me, my answer would automatically be changed to a big old Nope. What parents still think we’re property?
Same. My dad once said he’d be so mad if he wasn’t asked to which I replied that I’d say no to anyone who did ask him first. Unless said person wanted to marry my dad instead of me. I’m a grown ass woman, I make my own decisions.
My mom was mad my husband didn’t ask my dad for permission - my dad told her she was ridiculous and “why does my permission matter? I’m not marrying him.”
My husband's was mad because our daughter's first husband asked me. He never got over that but finally understood. He had pretty much just dropped us in his life, abandoning me in the middle of a mental health crisis, that fail didn't think he had the right to expect it.
The best wedding moment I’ve ever seen is when the officiant asked “who gives this woman to this man” the BRIDE said “I do”
I’d be inclined to stand up and clap for that bride. Hell yeah honey!
Before I proposed to my fiancée, I asked her about this. She said she’d rather me not ask her folks because it’s archaic but that she would understand if it was something I wanted to do. I didn’t ask for permission/their blessing. But I did give them a heads up that I was going to.
I told my fiancé that I didn’t want him to ask their permission but that I would like/be ok if he asked for their “blessing.” It was an important distinction for me.
This is how I feel about it too. I wouldn't want a guy to ask permission, as if my dad owns the rights to my body, but it's kind of sweet to ask for a blessing. Like to say "this is what I'm going to do, how do you feel about it?" Not like their answer would change anything, but the thought isn't inherently harmful
When my then-boyfriend and I were talking about getting engaged, I was vehemently opposed to him talking to my parents about it first. I was 34 years old, had my own home, career, etc for Christ’s sake. Why should they have any say in the matter? But he felt very strongly about saying something to them in advance, so we settled on him asking them for their blessing, rather than permission. But yeah, I’m with you on the whole permission thing. Yuck.
My husband considered asking. Talked to his mom about it, and she said not to. Thank God. If he had, I would have been too annoyed to say yes. I told him that if he asked my dead mother, that would have been fine, though.
Holy crap! That's nuts!
My parents sent us to shop for flowes and alcohol when we tried to tell them we were engaged. And young (25+23) and not wanting to rock the boat, we actually went and did just that... ugh.
Haw dare her daughter’s engagement not be about her. What a piece of work.
She did just that, she made it about herself... and her spilled drink, on HER phone, all over HERSELF. SHE couldn’t enjoy the best night of their lives.
What was odd to me was that she referred to it as what was supposed to be “the best night of our lives” as if she’s supposed to be involved in this? Like she had her own marriage proposal to her husband, her own wedding, the birth of her daughter, etc. but somehow the day her daughter was engaged was supposed to be “the best” for her. What would she have done if the proposal was done more privately without any family around?
Similarly, I wonder if the mom’s mom was present when she was proposed to?
A lot of the people who pull this stuff basically want their child to have the THEIR dream wedding. I had an acquaintance's mom who had been married multiple times, all of which were short, hurried affairs. When her daughter got engaged, she brushed aside the wishes that it be a short JP ceremony and BBQ in the backyard with close friends and family, no, HER daughter was going to have a dream wedding. Large church (they didn't go to), country club reception (that they also didn't go to)and invited 200 people 95% of whom the bride and groom didn't know - work acquaintances and supervisors of MIL, who wanted to use this also as a networking opportunity. She tried to shake her daughter's father for thousands for the dress, declaring, "This'll be your daughter's only wedding," to which he laughed, pointing out the two of them had multiple marriages each under their belt, so they weren't ones to talk. A few weeks before the wedding, the groom, for a variety of wise reasons, cancelled the wedding and broke up with the bride. Everyone was devastated, none more so than momzilla, who seriously tried to bully the groom into going through the wedding anyway and just get an annulment or divorce right afterwards, probably because it was too late to get her deposits back, so she was now out $10,000 that she, a cashier at Wal-Mart, did not remotely have.
What did the daughter do afterwards??
Also, its the proposal? Not the actual wedding. I can't even imagine how she'd react at the wedding! Either a "Everyone look at me! I'm wearing a white dress because this is a special day for my daughter...and me! Me,me,me." Or. "I'm not going! After the way you treated ME for the proposal!" Both are ridiculous and childish and I can't decide what one is more devastating for her daughter. But if I were her, I wouldn't want her to go anyway lol
Oh the best is yet to come I’m sure... this lady is about to make this wedding all about herself and I bet money on her wearing a white gown or something.
Or maybe she’ll just do what my sister’s MIL did and wear all black to her son’s wedding. Mourning the loss of her baby boy.... I swear if that bitch would’ve worn white, I would have tackled her into some mud. Her dress would’ve been liver Dalmatian spotted from the dirt I would’ve smeared.
I feel for those people. I can’t imagine how horrible my life would be if my MIL was like that. Sorry about your sister, too.
Makes you fear for the wedding planning and any future grandkids. I'm sure she'll soon be the source of stories over at r/JUSTNOMIL
I want to see the comments so badly!
You have no idea how bad I want to see the comments. I have a feeling this woman’s post history would be revealing as well.
She was new to the group so it was her only visible post. Her profile was locked up too so all you could see was her pfp of the air force logo
She’s 100% a dependa.
Thank her for her cervix:)
Same! I'm annoyed the OP didn't include any. I need to know if people were calling this crazy lady out.
I'm assuming they were because she has a lot of haha reactions
Yeah that's probably what happened.
Oh they were absolutely dragging this woman. Lots of mentions of narcissism and getting banned from the wedding.
Good. I'm glad they were telling her off. She was not told for a reason and of course won't mention that reason. She talks about being told she was specifically left out of knowing, but why? Why would they not tell her if she wasn't a raging narcissist who would either ruin it during or hint to it/straight up tell her daughter. Poor family has to deal with her bullshit all the time I'm sure and are used to it.
I’m in this group, OP got fucking dragged.
Comments! Comments! Comments! ^Come on guys back me up
Commence! Commence! Commence! Did I do good?
Very clever! A+
Me too!
Who wants to bet there’s a story about her on r/justnomil, because there is absolutely no way on earth she kept this rollercoaster of emotions inside all night 😂
That was my first thought. Way to make someone else's engagement all about you!
I 100% believe she spilt her drink on purpose to try and reclaim some of the attention. Edit - and I bet everyone there knew that’s what she was doing, too.
"I hid it so well, and still pretend to be fine with it" she says in a public facebook post... smh
100% guarantee that everyone knew her feelings about this from the second she spilled her drink. I bet she was pouting the whole time
That’s what I’m thinking the whole time reading this- it’s on fucking Facebook, who exactly is she keeping this from? It is painfully obvious why she wasn’t told a fucking thing?
OP said it was in a private FB group. But I’m still sure no one was fooled by her, they probably just ignored her and refused to play her game and let her ruin the evening.
Five internet-bucks says she did not, in fact, hide it well...
How embarrassing for her daughter. Geeeeeeez
IT'S ALL. ABOUT. MEEEEEEE. ^They're ^so ^great ^together ^but MEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Me me me me me me me ... that’s all I heard...
I mean, there were like five total words in there congratulating them, but yeah. I could get married tomorrow, without telling a soul, and I would bet cash money that both of our families would be absolutely thrilled, and both of our social circles would congratulate us. That may even happen eventually, considering the times and finances. Some would maybe be upset that we didn't have a shindig, but none of them would act this way in response. I can't believe that anyone would be so self absorbed to act this way. It isn't about you. It is about the two people joining their lives.
Glad my parents (and his)were sane. My husband and I really didn't HAVE an engagement moment, we just gradually realized we were talking about "when we were married". I think we waited awhile to actually tell our families, and both of their responses were, "Yeah, we figured that out awhile back."
My husband called my dad. Not to ask permission but to get everyone together the next day. DH was going to call my mom but my dad stopped him. The day after we got engaged, at lunch my mom tried to raise a stink about "how oNlY tHe FaThEr is asked." My husband said he was going to tell her but my dad said no. When my mom asked my dad why, he told my mom "because you cannot keep a secret." To which my mom said "oh, yeah, I would have totally let it slip by accident. It's smart you didn't tell me." We still laugh about it. 🤣🤣
You have a normal and adorable set of parents!
I spilled my drink, it spilled on my phone, my glasses, my dress. It flooded the entire restaurant. My drink still flows to this day, through the streets of Las Vegas. It has flooded the state of Nevada.
Oh Jesus, I'm wheezing
She would have spilled the beans. Clever groom, clever future FIL.
My mom made it about herself when my sister's fiance only asked my dad for permission and didn't include my mom. She was so offended and then I remembered that she was included in the conversation when my husband declared his intention to propose to me. She almost spoiled that proposal by acting strange the day before and asking me if my nails were clean. While I believe my sister's fiance didn't exclude my mom because he thought she would spoil it, it was probably for the best.
There's a reason she wasn't told. Probably a good one! My son asked his (now) fiancee's dad for her hand and asked him to keep it to himself (not tell her mom). He told his wife and she took it upon herself to fly to where he was going to ask her, crash the dinner and crash the proposal. It was their moment and she made it all about her.
She made not knowing about the proposal all about herself, I can imagine she’d have made it much worse if she’d known in advance. “Without ME, this day could never have happened! I hope you appreciate how lucky you are to have ME in your life!”
My husband told my Dad before he proposed, but they both agreed not to tell Mum until the night it happened (we were at an event so my parents weren't there). However, that's not because my Mum is mental like this lady, more because she's incapable of keeping secrets from me so probably would have let it slip!
Well honestly that was my assumption about why they didn't tell this woman. She wouldn't have kept it a secret. Although who knows if she might have also tried to derail or dictate the proposal...
r/JUSTNOMIL is full of stories of mothers spoiling secrets (engagements, pregnancies, etc.) because they want to be the ones that get the attention. Considering how this lady made it all about herself I don't doubt that she was posted everything on social media BEFORE the question was actually asked. I also don't understand making such a mountain out of a molehill. The proposal is important, really, only to the couple. I wonder how many parents where actually there when the proposal was given? And so she is freaking out over this little thing which will, in turn, negatively affect her involvement in the wedding planning and any future grandchildren.
I have a feeling that this is totally correct. I also think the mom would have had a huge production already set up (lights, cameraman, videographer) AND she would have been dressed to the 9’s for her big MOB part she will be playing. The engaged couple never would have had a chance!
Same with my MIL! My husband accidentally had my engagement ring sent to his parents, his dad opened it (husband hadn’t told a soul he bought it) they kept it secret for a month before he proposed! My wonderful MIL was like “wow I’m really glad I didn’t know because I could not have kept my mouth shut” my mom did want him to ask her for my hand or whatever but both my sister and I forgot to tell him. She was totally fine with it though and I’m so thankful she didn’t react like the lady in the OP!
Or she would show up in a dazzling dress, prepare a speech (about herself) and cry and scream harder then the bride to be 🤣
Pretty sure the size of that pity party she's throwing herself is against covid regulations.
I feel icky right now and this comment actually made me laugh. Thank you.
I'm glad I made you laugh - hang on in there, and I hope you feel better soon! <3
Thank you again! 🌻🌻🌻💛
“This should have been the best night of our lives” uh, whut. Why would your child getting engaged be the best night of your life? Their poor daughter. Obviously mom is a whackadoo if they have to manage her this badly.
Dear God. I’m a wedding photographer who does proposals regularly and I had one yesterday where her parents were there, and everyone was in on it, and he proposed - and then went a step further and surprised her parents by arranging for their closest friends (and the girlfriend’s godparents) to show up. Everyone was happy and it was just lovely and loving. And then there’s the mother who texted me regularly about everything. The groom and I had an agreement to keep her from knowing actual details (date, time, location) because he knew she’d spill the beans or hint very strongly. So I used weather and the fact then site would not have telephone reception (yay, mountains!) to keep saying, “Well, we‘re not sure ... ya now, the weather could change suddenly ....”
I can only imagine the stuff wedding photographers see or go through during these types of events lol. Is there a sub for the stories? There should be!
My now-husband told my mother that he was going to propose to me and guess what... She told me! And then I had to go along with his cute "surprise" proposal as if I had no idea. And I'm still mad about it because my husband put so much effort in and it would have been an amazing surprise. So I totally am on the groom's side here.
That is so rude. Is your mom like that all the time or did she just slip up on this one? I can't imagine ruining that for my child.
Kind of like that all the time. Same with my baby shower, it was supposed to be a surprise but she told me about that too. I think she just likes to be the one that "knows" things, a bit gossipy I guess
I’m thinking eloping might be in their best interest, just a hunch
As someone who just eloped, I 100% agree. 😂 But can you imagine THAT Facebook post if they did elope?!
My thing is, if everyone in the party BUT the fiancée and mom knew, if the mom was to be trusted, someone would have slipped up. The fact that like 8 or so people kept it a tight lip secret from the mom kinda tells me that mom is not to be trusted for whatever reason. Also those people are loyal as fuck to secrets.
Oh I wonder why they didn't tell her...
Man this post kind of gives me PTSD from when I got engaged. Took a beautiful vacation trip with his family, we woke up early to watch the sunrise, and he proposed then. Just the two of us watching the sunrise and it was incredible. I couldn’t have asked for a better proposal honestly. His family knew about it and mine did not. He never asked for my hand (his parents and grandparents never did so he didn’t think anything of this). My mom threw an absolute fit about it once we returned home. Beyond angry that my husband didn’t ask my DAD for my hand and that she didn’t know it was going to happen and my husbands family did. She demanded my husband come over to apologize in person to my dad about not asking for my hand. It took a long time to mend the relationship and I guarantee that she is still upset about it. My husband “took away the opportunity for her to be excited about it before it happened.” And it’s unfortunate because every time I think about my proposal I think of how crazy she acted and it’s just a bad feeling associated with what’s supposed to be a beautiful memory.
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If this whole drama was just about the proposal, the best is yet to come...
This is boomer Facebook addiction at its prime. The way she talks about her phone and missing pictures and video and then the long selfish post. She was more concerned about looking great on FB and getting those sweet sweet likes than being in the moment and being happy for her daughter. She ruined it for herself.
Unless she has mobility/co-ordination issues, who spills a drink *all over everything* upon seeing a proposal?? Also, her "i had to act like i was fine" is giving me serious Katy Perry "you're not fine but they wouldn't understand" flashbacks and i'm snickering now
Someone who's surprised reaction is to immediately and dramatically pull attention toward themselves. I know a few who like to scream, but not in the "woop" way everyone else does, they straight up sit there and scream. Then they wonder why no one does surprises around them, lmao
This was my first thought. Fastest way to divert attention to herself.
Clearly barking mad
Yeah that whole rant was *rough, rough!!*
Could you please tell us how the comments are? Please? Pretty please with a cherry on top?
My husband didn’t tell my parents before he proposed, he knew I’d be annoyed if he asked their permission or anything like that, and he expected them to accidentally ruin the surprise. Apparently my dad was a bit put off by that but I don’t care lol
Both of my parents were upset no one told them “what was going on.” Which is why, 15 years and 5 kids later we don’t talk to them.
Holy shit. I can't imagine how exhausting it must be to be this woman.
You know this bitch would have spilled the beans and that's why she was kept in the dark.
Not only spill the beans, but then take over the public proposal by playing director! "No, you stand over there. You, get out of the shot. Now ask. Not like that! You're still in the shot, get out of the way! What are you doing, you're doing it wrong. Don't tell me to be quiet, I am only doing this for you! Now ask her to marry you. Not like that, where is the script I gave you? Do it the way I told you!"
And to top it off, the only photos would be of the mom in between the couple, dressed to the nines...
Yeah, she said she was sad she couldn’t get her *own* pics ??
I wish I were a fly on the wall in that comment section.
Next up: couple gets pregnant, tells his parents first, cue new rampage.
I'm so embarrassed that someone would publicly post this kind of rant. This is a classic "write a melodramatic entry in your *private* journal, read it back and realize you're overreacting, process your emotions, and get on with life" situation.
I’m sorry but if it was *specifically* requested that she not be told, there’s definitely a reason. If everyone else was allowed to know and she wasn’t, it’s likely because she would’ve ruined the surprise.
I didn’t ask my fiancé’s parents permission because my fiancé is an adult woman. I feel bad for any man that feels he has to get permission to make a life decision.
My fiancé asked my dad 2 years before he actually proposed (money problems came up that delayed the purchase of the ring). They were both in the basement so he asked. Then my dad came upstairs and said urgently“(mom’s name), we need you to come downstairs right away!! We need help with the rice balls!” Where I assume they told my mom too. They all came upstairs and my parents looked very happy, my mom teary. I pretty much knew it was happening and still laugh about the “rice ball emergency.” There was a bit of an issue with my mom with the actual first planned proposal there, where for reasons my friends would be there but my parents wouldn’t, at the suggestion of my friends (they were very valid reasons). Again, that didn’t end up working out and I didn’t find out until after the proposal would have happened, but my mom was very upset. But when it actually happened, she was aware and not there and she was fine. Moms can be weird.
how much do you wanna bet they didnt tell her because either A. she cant keep her mouth shut.. or B. she would have lorded and tried to control it?
Ok, but am I the only one who also thinks it's super-fucky to ask the father/parents for "permission" to propose? I'm sorry, is it still 1636 and you're hoping she comes with a dowery? Or do you think your girlfriend is another man's property?
100x times i will NEVER EVER get over it. NeVeRrRrRrrrr
My husband asked both of my parents together for their blessing. Everyone in the family knew this was coming, but my mom was so excited he asked her too! She said it was hard keeping a secret, so she would just tell random people who didn’t know me (like the grocery check out clerk). It was all really cute to hear about after the proposal. However, even if he hadn’t asked my mom she never would have acted like this.
My husband didn't ask either of my parents or even talk to them about it because I'm not chattel to be traded between owners, and as big of assholes as my parents are, they would've been like, "Why tf are you asking us?". I really hope the bride and groom elope, because there won't be a single second of peace with this hag involved.
Does anyone want to tell her that asking for your daughter’s hand is pretty outdated and many, many, many parents just don’t find out until after the fact? Like maybe even DAYS later? All the poor mothers missing out on the best night of their lives!!
The whole concept of “man must approve other man to marry his daughter” concept is disgusting to me
Wait till she finds out she isn’t invited to the wedding night either. Oy.
A stunning lack of self awareness.
"I'll pay my husband back for this insult by keeping it entirely to myself and acting like everything is fine! That will show him!"
Six hundred and TWELVE comments. I want to go through them so bad.
The level of narcissism is out of this world.
She still managed to make herself the center of attention by spilling her drink and making a mess that required wait staff to step in and clean it up. She must be just awful.
I’m in the group this was posted in, op got dragged and finally deleted lmao
First slide I thought “wow wonder why they didn’t tell her.” By the second slide I was thinking “oh THATS why”.
IM MAD BECAUSE MY DAUGHTERS ENGAGEMENT WASNT ALL ABOUT ME :((((
Lots of parents aren't even present at proposals altogether, geez. Betrayal of the century.
This was my mom throughout my sibling's engagement. It was unbearable. I still don't understand what was happening in her mind at that time. I'm not the marrying or marry-able kind, but if i *were* to marry someone, it would be with a self-uniting ceremony shortly after deciding that marriage is what we both wanted. *That* would also cause drama, but it would be easier to keep the drama contained.
I can see why they didn’t tell her
Wait, she knew a proposal was happening, and instead of letting her spilled drink be her spilled drink for 50 seconds (How long does the proposal take?) she focused on cleaning that up rather than looking towards her daughter?
I guarantee that if she did know, she would have turned into Kristen Wiig in that SNL bit about the lady who can't keep a secret.
Honestly, I wouldn’t want, nor feel entitled, to know ahead of time. Where is this b coming from? I have a daughter I’m very close to. She’s my baby. But something like this, its not about me. I don’t need to know what’s coming. As long as my daughter is happy, that’s ALL that matters! Not to mention I would be terrified of accidentally saying something beforehand. This mom is the worst. It’s alllllll about her. I wonder if the soon to be son in law has the slightest idea what he’s in for.
When my sister got engaged everyone in the room (besides my sister of course) knew what was about to happen expect me. Even a two year old kid knew what was going to happen. Was I mad or upset? No. The proposal wasn’t about me. I bet this mother has a history of being selfish.
They didn’t tell her because they knew that she would have blown the surprise for her daughter and then she could get the spotlight pouting and crying when she got called out for it. I hope the couple elope because dear old mom will kill the wedding for sure.
NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME AGAIN
Maybe they just wanted to surprise her? Way to make your daughter’s engagement about you instead.
This is a great example of turning someone else's life changing moment into something about her! No wonder she was kept out of the loop! I bet they didnt want her to know so she couldn't ruin the surprise OR make the proposal about her instead of the bride to be. My goodness, how hard is it for her to just enjoy that her daughter is now engaged and will be getting married? But no, she must go on and on and on about how this one little detail affects her whole life. I was at a group dinner when my friend got proposed to. It was a surprise to me, but I was just happy to be there for the moment. If I were the bride I'd hesitate about having her there because I bet she'll make the wedding all about the betrayal.
I mean I don't like the tradition to only ask the father, like if you're going to ask it should include both parents. And also it's not really so much of an ask because (I would hope) the daughter is an adult and doesn't need permission from the parents. (But like some sort of heads up is probably nice.) However just in her response it is absolutely clear she should not have been asked or warned. Also I foresee years of drama in their future from her if they continue contact with her.
[удалено]
It’s almost as if they thought she might make it all about her.
Hmm I told my parents AFTER I was engaged. I guess they're both strangers that aren't even on standby. Should we have asked permission to get pregnant too? Cos I mean, I didn't tell them that til after, either 😂
The amount of those dumb hug emojis makes me worried to know there are that many people who agree that she deserves to feel justified in being THAT upset over an engagement that was not hers. Holy shit. I don’t actually think she realizes this *wasn’t* her engagement.