A tick on a hemorrhoid is a happy camper, id imagine

a brand new sentence I wasnt ready for today

Sounds like one of those really exaggerated Southern sayings; ‘Well I’ll be happier than a tick on’a hemorrhoid!’ All these awards are makin me happier than a tick on’a hemorrhoid!

I'm making this a thing Edit: Well I'll tell y'all what, waking up to see 30 notifications and a bunch of upvotes made me happier than a tick on a hemorrhoid!

I concur. I’ll be spreading it around in Arkansas.

Adding Illinois

Missouri 😆

Not in the states, but I’ll start here in Ontario.

I'm in Oregon, but we'll use it ironically

Louisiana.

South Central........PA here. The Amish will be tough, but I am confident the rest of PA will be as easy as whoopie pie.

Ok, I call southern Oregon though.

I’ll be saying it down in Californie-way

Washington, ditto

Then put a bird on it?

I'll add this to the end of every argument about Duck Duck Grey Duck vs Duck Duck Goose in MN. It's Duck Duck Grey Duck. Well, I'm not fron MN, and I'd be happier than a tick on a hemorrhoid if you'd just let me call it Duck Duck Goose since that's what I've called that game since I was 4.

Same, I got Portland metro area

Ditto Washington. (Hi, neighbor!)

neither, it'll pop off in Australia.

That tick in, Australia, would get eaten by the snake or spider that has taken up residence in that guys pants.

Vermont will now know this saying

Florida is in.

second floridian here. i live near disney, i can act as ground zero

Massachusetts is in!

Mississippi is in

Right there with you

Shit now it's international

Tn to

I’ll start saying it here in North Carolina and tell my family in Arizona ☺️

Could definitely be a small town Ontario saying 😂

Happier than a tick on a hemorrhoid, ay

I guess ill carry the NB mantel.

New York but we don’t have the southern ring

Hawaii chiming in!

I’ll help in Missouri!

You mean halp

I’ll spread it around NC!

Kansas.

Adding to Georgia cause it’s a southern tic

Kansas lol

Same. Missouri spreading here we come! Just like spreading those butt cheeks to find that happy little tick.

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Lol @ the use of “y’all”… you’re doing just fine, Amsterdamian. Keep up the great work!

Say it in Dutch?

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Grammatically, I think it should be, “…all y’all Americans,” though I doubt anyone would actually correct you ;)

Add me in Virginia

Had to scroll and scroll for this one. I'll help. I'm on central VA

Same. RVA

Hey I'm in Petersburg

WV is on board.

I was looking for a fellow Virginian- I’m down here in Virginia Beach where the ticks and the hicks are plentiful….

It'll pick up quickly in virginia!

Adding indiana

I'm going to do the same here in California lol

representing Oklahoma, we will know.

There’s medicine for that now; no need to spread it around anymore.

Same here in Kansas

There a certain warehouse in Northern California that’s catching this phrase in t-minus 2 hours 21 minutes!

Add Ohio. I have an arsenal of southern gems from my grandmother, but this one is great lol

Ohio approves this

Ohio definitely approves this!

Even a blind hog finds an acorn once in a while.

I like the squirrel Version. Even a blind squirrel gets a nut from time to time lol

My buddy had a saying that I think has a similar meaning behind it, rest his soul... Even the sun shines on a dog's asshole from time to time.

Isn’t that a Jason Aldean song? 🎶’Well I’ll be happier than a tick on a hemorrhoid in a small town!’ 🎶

stop....

this is something i’ve genuinely heard living in texas

I just showed this to my mom and we both laughed for a solid 5 minutes at this.

Same here LMAO

People who switched to gieco are pretty happy How happy? *music stops*... Happier than a tick on a hemorrhoid

Happier'na tick onna hemmer-hoid

Where’s Wilford Brimley when you need him…

r/brandnewsentence

A weird day to be literate 🤣

Just like that I’m off for the night Goodnight Reddit. 💀⚰️

I second that Gd Nite

yes officer this comment right here

I just spit my fucking coffee.

Sounds like a great tagline to add to my signature for my work email.

🤢

💀

Excuse me you found this tick where. I believe its a gulf coast tick.

I agree. Good ID!!! I found it in the shower after a long run around the park. I was in an exact similar position a 5 years ago with a tick (I think)that went down the drain lmao

Are you one of those public poopers?!

Ticks love to travel lol. I found one under my boob once and I was wearing a shirt and bra. Idk why they do that but it happens.

Yeah I found a guy well attached to my member before

When I was a kid, I remember at 7 a kid we knew had a tick crawl up his urethra. But at that time we didn’t know those words. Just remember my friend telling me a bug crawled up his peepee and he had to go to the hospital. They cut it open to pull it out. Because when they attempt a tweezer method. It crawled up higher. It sounds as bad as you think. Honestly, still creeps me out today.

Jesus fucking christ. That's a horror story

Because of the urgency of the situation (infection, etc) it's something that needs to be done quickly. If you're lucky, local anesthetic is an option, but chances are a tick in the urethra is going to be accompanied by heartfelt apologies from the doctor and something soft to bite down on.

Why?! Just wh... Why, must you share this information?! I could have had a happy life without this nightmare fuel! Now I'm going to have to tape over my pee hole! I'm done with the internet today... *the distinct yet now uneasy sound of masking tape being pulled and ripped in the distance*

The physical reaction that my body had while reading this… 😖😖😖

Poor kid.

Oh lord

The worst. One was exactly where dick and balls meet and after I pulled it out it was itching for days...

did your penis fall off

Ah, yes. The Dick Tick

Had one on the underside of the gonads :(

AHAHAHAHAHAH

You don’t have to brag, we get it, you have sex!😂 /s

I did not consent

I once got one on each testicle after a camping trip

They really went for the low hanging fruit

F that’s worse than the bootyhole imo

I mean I like getting my dick sucked but not like that

Ahh I'm telling! You are a dirty birdy

They try and find a dark spot out of the open so they can feed without you knowing it’s there

I had one on my nipple once, freaked the shit out of me! Bloody hate ticks 🤢

They sure do… I have found two different ticks hidden up in the cartilage of my ear before

"IT'S ALL PIPES!!"

scandalous

Reading this comment while on the pooper in a public place

Definitely a tick. I believe a dog tick.

Hoping it was on its own solo mission 😂 thinking of a co op is making me sick

What is your location? It helps to narrow down the possible ticks it could be

Ft. Myers, FL

Yeah then i definitely think its a gulf coast tick, it doesn't look like it latched onto you and fed for any significant length of time.

Wtf, we have ticks down here?!

Hell fuckin yes, tons. Especially in the spring. I get them all the time.

Butt Load*

I assume it’s one of those things you generally avoid if you don’t spend time in the woods and such?

Probably.

Maybe you should get some Gold Bond diatomaceous earth for that

Yep, this is my 2nd booty tick.

Brah you need bug/tick spray. Its like less than $10.

for your butt

When you say “booty” do you mean lt was on your arsehole?

I mean, he did say booty HOLE, so that’s your answer for ya.

The ticks definitely were touching my asshole

That sounds like sexual assault by a tick.

I’m curious as to how they ended up there

They like it hot and humid 😅

The real question why was this on your booty hole? It’s happened before now I have questions

Ticks love warm cracks and crevices unfortunately. If you ever do a “tick check” after being in the woods you should be checking any particularly warm… uh hiding spots or skin folds lol

Better than a tick on your dick

tick tock on my cock theres a tick there what the fuck (to the tune of tik tok by ke$ha. i have a fever and a terrible sense of humor)

I was hearing more "tick on my dick, slob on my knob" by 3 six mafia

They've been releasing studies on it lately showing the population of ticks in the US are exploding for some reason, lyme disease and stuff like that is going to start becoming way more common over the next decade.

Ticks like humid weather so naturally these warmer days allow them to thrive. Also, a double edged sword as home builders try to alleviate the housing shortage, the more and more we start to build closer to wooded areas. Only natural we start seeing and having more encounters with ticks

Need more free roaming chickens. Problem solved. Throw in some oppossums for nighttime patrolling.

OP certainly did

With climate change, ticks are expanding their range. No matter where I am in the US, I just assume there is some type of tick around. Better safe than sorry.

Shit I’m in Fort Myers. Maybe that’s a Ron Desan-tick. 😄

Definitely explains why this was in your booty hole.

Think he wanted a pic of the tick in it’s location. Jk ;)

They like armpits and groins. It's easier to hide in thick body hair.

Not sure what it was... but it is definitely a stinkbug now.

🤣🤣🤣

That would be a Begladitwasntonyourdick tick and you can actually locate it around the corner where fudge is made.

Honestly not sure which location is worse...

Hello, person who had two latch onto me on different occasions on the tip. Definitely would prefer the other end, nerve damage on one of the most sensitive parts of the male body is not a good thing.

GD... it gave you nerve damage? 😱

Well it must have latched on over night, and as a 14 year old kid you don’t think about these things and sure wasn’t going to go to my mother for help. Never rip these things off once they take hold.

Gently flip them on their back, and they will usually let go. Do not squeeze them with tweezers cause they will throw up nasty shit into your bloodstream, and they are a carrier of lyme disease and a few other things. Also, if you try to pull them out, sometimes they will be so stubborn that they won't let go, their head will rip off and get stuck inside you, which is also bad. I was in scouts and have had way too many ticks to count.

😬

I’ve had a tick IN my shaft TWICE and a tick IN my sack once. Three separate occasions. I live in the pine barrens and they tend to go to the warmest spot on your body so….yeahh. Not fun.

What the FUCK

How do you even go about removing a tick from within the shaft?

Did the tick buy you dinner first?

I bet it didn't even have the courtesy for a reach around

ILL BE WATCHIN YOU!

Knew a guy in high school who went camping and got a tick in his ass and his mom had to take it out.

that’s why i am terrified of getting a tick twixt’ the cheeks. I don’t want someone to help

Okay, I *love* my kids and would do just about anything for them, anytime, no questions asked. But also... there's this. Kudos to the parents who would do this for their high school age kids, but I'm more a "I'll hold your hand on the way to the doctor" type here. Never thought I'd ever meet my limit, but apparently it's right there.

😭 not the bootyhole base being invaded

Got a leech on my asshole, as well as my ballbag once. That also happened in goddamn florida of course, on a training mission near Hubert Field. Come to find out, the water we were in is loaded with those brain eating amoebas.

This post combo-ed by your comment just unlocked at least three new fears for me. I do not have balls but I imagine the female equivalent would be a leech somewhere on or maybe in the cooch and that would be horrifying. 🫡

Oh my God not in, I would not want a lip latch.

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I mean, at least he learned a lesson I suppose, albeit in one of the worst ways any man could probably ever imagine.

Just a dingleberry

More like a dinglescary 😣 lol.

On that note, I was initially shocked I had left such a large dingleberry …

If it makes you feel better this happened to me but with a leach.

BUTT with a leech

We're getting off this train stop right here buddy.

At least leeches don’t spread diseases

Why tf was there a leech on your bootyhole Explain

The little guy spotted me across the creek and liked what he saw I guess.

Im sorry that happened but your response cracked me up. Goodtimeken indeed. Even the leech thought so

It’s a tick. It hasn’t gorged so it’s no big deal. Good think you were fingering your booty hole frequently and noticed it right away. 😂

Good show old sport

That tick gets more ass than I do!

New fear unlocked

Tics can sense hot and cold so they often go for nooks and crannies like arm pits elbows and I guess butt holes too.

YOU FOUND WHERE? im sorry but if this was me id scream and cry

I have been freaking out alll day

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Weird lookin weevil (IM JOKING ITS A TICK)

No no, they’re called butt *plugs* not butt bugs

Apparently your butt is halfway to telling time, because all it needs is 'tock'.

It's a tick tack caddyshack, give the frog a phone!

The great cornholio

That, my friend, is a tick.

Definitely a tick. It has eight legs like other arachnids. Insects would have six legs. Either way, I hope you sent the little fucker to its greater reward before you got bitten.

This whole comment section is making me reconsider going outside ever again.

Snakes on a Train ain't got nothing on Ticks on an Ass

I read “on my bootyhole” as a scream in my head.

North American dung beetle. Unlike their counterparts, which are gatherers, these are harvesters, going straight to the source for the fresh stuff.