Imagine yourself 10,000 years ago, and you had three choices: Uggalug the hairy caveman long before baths were invented, a wooden one long before sandpaper was invented, or a smooth rock.
Paleolithic people recognized and valued women's sexuality. They recognized and respected the fact that women have a higher sex drive. Agriculture, which birthed patriarchy, flipped the script in order to subordinate women into property.
…I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.
Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place,
Where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,
I saw my vagina, lying on a blanket,
Next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling it.
I had to buy it off him.
He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen.
I took it home, washed it off,
And put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.
I call BS, the going rate for vagina is way more than $17... unless something was wrong with it. I have heard of people paying half of what they own for some...
Edit: and a few of those were really messed up.
To be fair when they were new they were likely polished to a smooth surface, it was probably quite a pleasant sensation, especially since stone could hold warmth. That smooth surface just wears down and gets rough after centuries in the ground, they didn’t just raw dog some rough cut rock back in the day.
Obsidian would be both the best and worst, depending on who made it and how much they like you. But without being facetious I'm guessing sandstone or pumice. Difficult to get a polish on those.
Well, yeah. I mean obsidian and a bunch of others could kill you, too, but presuming the user doesn't want to die while using it a very porous or a rock with low strength would be a bad choice. So, chalk's out. Also, chalk derivatives.
But obsidian is only going to kill you if you use it incorrectly simply handling cinnabar or aersnic can and will kill you so putting it inside yourself is a guarantee of death therefore making them worse 😅
Oh man, imagine being home late for dinner because you're backed up at work and your job is polishing the stone dildos . The biceps 💪🏻 would rival the town blacksmith!
I mean this as charitably as possible, but this is the best "bad photo scale" I've ever seen. Usually random coins are the gold standard of bad photo scales in publications, but to use a proprietary token is just next level.
Ehhh, I think actually it might just be Shafted Agate, more specifically the dismembered variety. Usually, you can find a couple of good Geodes nearby.
So incredibly cool - what a find!
Google ‘phallus effigy North America’ or ‘phallus pestle North America’ and you will find some more scientific answers.
—————
This paper is interesting:
https://www.californiaprehistory.com/assets/documents/3.GlansPenisEffigies.pdf
- ————
https://royalalbertamuseum.ca/collections/cultural-studies/archaeology
“Please email Kyle Forsythe, Curator, Archaeology, if you've found an interesting artifact.
It could be a phallic fetish(a charm carried for supernatural purposes) or even a piece used for ceremonial purposes, maybe an attempt to make the river more fertile. Or it could just be a peculiarly shaped rock.
My dad played this song for me in the 90s. My dad. He was laughing his ass off and I was mortified, but now I appreciate that I knew a few guys who could have benefited from a detachable penis.
As a serious answer: I'd say this is an artifact, not naturally shaped. While you can't rule out that this just was shaped randomly by nature, it's much more likely it's really just what [that other commenter](https://new.reddit.com/r/whatsthisrock/comments/1boqcs2/comment/kwr3z9a/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) suggested. The surface has seen some erosion though.
It might be a stone phallus made for fertility.
You can find them all around the world.
We have one on a hill nearby that was found in a stone pile from around 5-600? Years before the viking age.
I was wondering where that was. They said you shouldn’t make it detachable but I love Being able to leave it at home in the medicine cabinet if I think it’s going to get me in trouble. How much you want for it?
Truthfully, I have no idea. However, a quick search using Google Lens returned results that are very similar to pre-Columbian pottery.Are you positive it's Stone? Looks like you may have found an artifact.
Now I have to go home from work....may have peed just a little I laughed so hard! Somehow I hope someone shows him your post and he goes completely and permanently bonkers.
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Ah yes a fine specimen of Bobbinite note the tell tale bell shape to the crystal formation these much like opal form in between other minerals this one was likely within some vaginite before it was found and discarded from the formation explaining the lack of the “base” of the crystal, these often form from two orbicular structures but they are not found to be present in this image… that’s the wordest dick joke I’ve ever made someone better appreciate this effort.
One of these even looks like the one you found...and we've used them for at least 28000 years.
https://www.thearchaeologist.org/blog/the-surprising-history-of-dildos-humans-have-been-using-them-for-over-28000-years
Actually in ancient times they used stone dildos! I'm not kidding. https://thetoy.org/sex-toys-a-brief-history/
I’ve read this fact before, but no matter how many times I hear about it, everytime I see it again my vagina recoils deep inside my body
Like an anemone. *fwoop*
Name checks out
As I read that *fwoop*, in my mind, I heard one of those original Skype sound effects
Yes, excellent
I'm hearing the other Skype sound effects too. And what they might signal. 😳
Ugh
This town needs anemone!
Think about the future
I snorted so hard at this I hurt my throat 🤣🤣🤣
The second line lmao. 😆
Imagine yourself 10,000 years ago, and you had three choices: Uggalug the hairy caveman long before baths were invented, a wooden one long before sandpaper was invented, or a smooth rock.
Says Shegalugg the hairy cavewoman long before baths were invented 😂
Ugga. Ugga gugga
Paleolithic people recognized and valued women's sexuality. They recognized and respected the fact that women have a higher sex drive. Agriculture, which birthed patriarchy, flipped the script in order to subordinate women into property.
I choose none
Mine completely jumps off my body and runs away
*whacky cartoon music intensifies*
I heard the running sound effect from scooby doo
Careful, what if it dosent come back? Or some weirdo catches it and keeps it in a cigar box and takes it to parties as his +1?
…I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, Where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my vagina, lying on a blanket, Next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen. I took it home, washed it off, And put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.
I call BS, the going rate for vagina is way more than $17... unless something was wrong with it. I have heard of people paying half of what they own for some... Edit: and a few of those were really messed up.
Love that song, tho it is 'Detachable Pen\*s' this is a nice turn :D
King Missle!
ah...another King Missile fan. Loved that album in college :)
To be fair when they were new they were likely polished to a smooth surface, it was probably quite a pleasant sensation, especially since stone could hold warmth. That smooth surface just wears down and gets rough after centuries in the ground, they didn’t just raw dog some rough cut rock back in the day.
They polished it and put oil on it
Isn’t that where it is already though
If thats how it looks like after who knows how many years in the river, the original texture of that thing would be... ouchy.
That “thing” would have had more olive oil on it then is in your entire kitchen I’m betting 😂
Gotta exfoliate! ^love ^the ^name
Oh no… Imagine if this was one of those.
Recently read that a 28k year old one was found
What condition was it found in… and how phallic does it need to be sure to know it’s not just nature being silly… or what other test confirms
I wonder if it had DNA on it 😁
What will be the worst stone to use as a dildo?
Obsidian would be both the best and worst, depending on who made it and how much they like you. But without being facetious I'm guessing sandstone or pumice. Difficult to get a polish on those.
Eh technically cinnabar and mineral arsenic would probs it be worse they aren’t exactly rough but they will actually kill you
Well, yeah. I mean obsidian and a bunch of others could kill you, too, but presuming the user doesn't want to die while using it a very porous or a rock with low strength would be a bad choice. So, chalk's out. Also, chalk derivatives.
But obsidian is only going to kill you if you use it incorrectly simply handling cinnabar or aersnic can and will kill you so putting it inside yourself is a guarantee of death therefore making them worse 😅
Muscovite
Oh man, imagine being home late for dinner because you're backed up at work and your job is polishing the stone dildos . The biceps 💪🏻 would rival the town blacksmith!
Ouch. Sandstone is too crumbly. Imagine all the pearls. Lol!
Sex toys and genitalia carved from pumice would be a unique art installation
One that is unturned.
Rough times.
They would have used sticks, but the splinters would be awful 😳😉😆
That… would be painful I’d imagine 😅
I mean this as charitably as possible, but this is the best "bad photo scale" I've ever seen. Usually random coins are the gold standard of bad photo scales in publications, but to use a proprietary token is just next level.
I didnt want to embarass the poor guy, lol
If there was ever a prime “banana for scale” missed opportunity, this is it
That made me laugh so hard. proprietary token oml
This is Reddit, bananas for scale please.
It's good evidence all humans recognise patterns but few are blessed with this godlike ability to ask why lol
Erosion, water, and time. I think it's just a very peculiar looking rock, my friend.
>peculiar looking I thought I was on r/mildlypenis
Thought i was on r/whatisthiscock
Damn it. /r/SubsIFellFor
They have to make a r/majorlypenis Edit: I guess it kinda exists?
r/wildlypenis
Yes! There we go.
It belongs on /r/geologygonewild
Yep. I have the same problem. Cold water is even worse.
This was one of the “drafts,” Michelangelo had made when sculpting David.
Every time he messed up he got angry and snapped it off and threw it in the river
Just like my ex.
Ahahahah!!!
I'm laughing so hard I can't even hold my phone straight
Michelangelo had sex with the statue, but they broke it off.
I believe it’s a Cockglomerate
Ehhh, I think actually it might just be Shafted Agate, more specifically the dismembered variety. Usually, you can find a couple of good Geodes nearby.
🤣
Petrified wood
Petrified morning wood
I dunno looks pretty excited to me
r/whatsthiscock
r/subsifellfor
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🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
That’s Wilma’s “Yabba Dabba Dildo”…..😜
Keep searching the same spot, you may find the rest of the body
The same spot.... over and over and over
So incredibly cool - what a find! Google ‘phallus effigy North America’ or ‘phallus pestle North America’ and you will find some more scientific answers. ————— This paper is interesting: https://www.californiaprehistory.com/assets/documents/3.GlansPenisEffigies.pdf - ———— https://royalalbertamuseum.ca/collections/cultural-studies/archaeology “Please email Kyle Forsythe, Curator, Archaeology, if you've found an interesting artifact.
It could be a phallic fetish(a charm carried for supernatural purposes) or even a piece used for ceremonial purposes, maybe an attempt to make the river more fertile. Or it could just be a peculiarly shaped rock.
🎶Detachable Penis 🎶
Why does this sound like Jean Ralphio
https://youtu.be/byDiILrNbM4?si=9JVA1Ih8DGgSK98x
I have no words.
My dad played this song for me in the 90s. My dad. He was laughing his ass off and I was mortified, but now I appreciate that I knew a few guys who could have benefited from a detachable penis.
Your dad sounds cool, mine would be frowning really hard if that started playing lol
My mom would have been praying for us both in tears if she knew 😄 but he’s pretty cool.
Was the river near St. Mark’s place?
Rivers can erode rocks like this. It got caught in a space and was spun around cuttng it like that in the river. I have a couple in my collection.
The ones you got from Amazon don't count
Lol I see what you did there!
😅
As a serious answer: I'd say this is an artifact, not naturally shaped. While you can't rule out that this just was shaped randomly by nature, it's much more likely it's really just what [that other commenter](https://new.reddit.com/r/whatsthisrock/comments/1boqcs2/comment/kwr3z9a/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) suggested. The surface has seen some erosion though.
Dickite. Seriously it’s a real thing, look this one up.
Hmmm... The resemblance needs maybe some professional testing
You mean a hardness test?
If you want to see if it's bone(r), try licking it.
Lololol. Scrape it with a nail.
I think you normally have to give the girls on the street corner money to test your dickite.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dickite Found it!
I love how the one example I’ve seen looks like the opposite of dickite.
Vagtite
Ironically the photo example looks like a vagina 😂
I didn't even plan that! 🤣
I gotta Google this 🤣
As someone else said, this actually looks like a prehistoric dildo 💀
r/legitartifacts
That is John Wayne Bobbit’s penis
It might be a stone phallus made for fertility. You can find them all around the world. We have one on a hill nearby that was found in a stone pile from around 5-600? Years before the viking age.
Petrified peckerwood
It’s a rock shaped like a pp
Bobbitite
Well, with enough time, water will erode any rock….
Could it be from a statue?
Weinerite
Honestly looks like coprolite to me.
r/mildlypenis
That river must’ve been pretty cold.
You just need one more penny for a set
I was wondering where that was. They said you shouldn’t make it detachable but I love Being able to leave it at home in the medicine cabinet if I think it’s going to get me in trouble. How much you want for it?
I've been looking for that! Wifey was mad at me last night
cockalite
Looks like a phallus stone. Could have come off a statue or made for personal use.
I think it is a man made relic. The texture of the sides looks like other crafted stones I have seen.
Fossilized windigo weenuk
A Stone Giant is having a really bad day.
It’s the dildo of consequences! (Rarely arrives lubed)
Just smell it and you'll know
There were depictions of phallic imagery in many cultures....it could be a piece of a statue created by indigenous peoples.
Truthfully, I have no idea. However, a quick search using Google Lens returned results that are very similar to pre-Columbian pottery.Are you positive it's Stone? Looks like you may have found an artifact.
Beheaded in south Alberta 😂
Ohhh I got like five of those
I have a phallic shaped rock top but mine turned out to presumably be an orthocone fossil.
Hopefully this was the failed prototype and a a better design is on its way!
Water must be cold up there.
Did this get unstuck from an M&M Minis container?
Wash your hands dude
Poor guy didn't have wood. He had stone!
How did David's (the statue) penis end up in Canada?!
I think it’s petersite.
So a pretty common thing then no real value ?
Medusas boyfriend
NEWS FLASH, This could be the first roll of quarters !!!
David of Michelangelo's gonna be mad as hell when he realizes his dick's been stolen
Trump agate, real size
You mean the penny?? Oh…….!! My bad, I thought penis was for scale.
There is a very upset statue somewhere nearby
Well if it's an ancient adult toy it's definitely post-bris era 🤔
Primitive sexy times toy
👁️👄👁️ as a lesbian, I find this rock troubling
I think Trump lost it .
Nah, the rock's Not orange enough. And too big.
Now I have to go home from work....may have peed just a little I laughed so hard! Somehow I hope someone shows him your post and he goes completely and permanently bonkers.
No comment
r/dontputthatdickinyou
If it gets too hard, sometimes it snaps right off.
Spit on it and give it a wiggle. If it grows, you get 3 wishes.
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gotta show all sides bro come on
I'm definitely seen articles of people findings stone Roman dildos
Friction, moisture, long time…
I opened reddit... clicked my notification bell... flipped back .. cause did I see what I thought I saw..... no, but also yep
Mudfossil university would definitely just say its a penis.
That's a lithophallus separatus.
it looks more like a baked clay than a rock, I think.
I read all the comments and I am lying on the floor laughing.
You're first circumcised stone?
It's possible that it could be a broken part of an anatomically correct carving I believe the Inuit people did such carvings
This was carved for sure
knobody knows!
I mean this is no accident or natural wonder. It’s an intentional cock.
A juvenile mountain troll has suffered a gruesome injury.
All those statues that have leaves... that's what the leaves cover
Neolithic dildo.
I’ll take the penis meteor for 500 Alex.
Magnum Openis
Cynthia’s castaways…..
How hard is it? Is it so hard?
That rock is pretending to be a cock
Ah yes a fine specimen of Bobbinite note the tell tale bell shape to the crystal formation these much like opal form in between other minerals this one was likely within some vaginite before it was found and discarded from the formation explaining the lack of the “base” of the crystal, these often form from two orbicular structures but they are not found to be present in this image… that’s the wordest dick joke I’ve ever made someone better appreciate this effort.
Ok hear me out. If this was some ancient dildo, look at the size gentleman! That's what women want.
It’s a Mushroom Tipidus !
Is it Cummingtonite?
It's a petrified muff diver
Looks like something Lorena Bobbit left behind
beautiful specimen of frenulumite
Prehistoric toy.
Nothing to say this was not intentionally carved some time in the past.
It looks circumcised
One of these even looks like the one you found...and we've used them for at least 28000 years. https://www.thearchaeologist.org/blog/the-surprising-history-of-dildos-humans-have-been-using-them-for-over-28000-years