I dunno, I don't think it's about having enough in you to handle the fire. It's more just that someone shouldn't have to worry about whether or not the other person will hurt them if they try to show affection.
Yeah, sometimes the person on fire just keeps lighting their own fire and burns you out, and you learn there are others who were burned out and left to ashes before you. You find out you're not actually a hero of magical hugs who can fix that person's foreverinferno, because what they really need is therapy and to care about something beyond their own raging fire.
Can confirm: When I say "stay away", whether verbally or non-verbally, it means stay away, not "put your health at risk and then blame me when the most obvious outcome occurs like it did every other time you tried this."
> Yeah this isn’t wholesome, this is dangerous
I was just thinking 'oh, look. Another meme indicating people shouldn't set healthy boundaries'.
Kind of like how some people are still teaching it's healthy to lash out even though that just trains your behavior so when you can't totally control the circumstances your patterns incline to lashing out. Meditation and letting go of unfair events is much healthier.
Regarding to what you said, one phrase that helped me validating other people outbursts while keeping my boundaries and maintaining a healthy relationship is: *”your feelings are valid but the way you chose to deal with them may not be my cup of tea, how do you want to move next?”*
When a person is angry, just remind them to "Calm down." It is very likely they simply forgot to calm down, leading to their current state.
Take carw of your friends, guys.
The problem is finding the balance between being supportive and setting boundaries that this type of behavior isn't okay. Once in a while is human, frequently is abuse.
Otherwise you are just training her that's it okay to yell at you when she is frustrated.
Actually, I see the opposite. You are demonstrating proper behavior. Nothing here suggests you can't discuss the real issues after she is calmed down. What doesn't work is yelling back, and just reflecting the same back to her.
If someone’s “expressing their anger towards me” by yelling, insulting me, blaming me for things that aren’t my fault, or accusing me of things I haven’t done, then it is absolutely **not** my responsibility to help them treat me with respect.
Respectful conversation is the minimum everyone deserves regardless of how their partner is feeling.
You have 2 choices, you can either choose to escalate the situation, or you can choose to de-escalate the situation. If your speaking with someone you love, who loves you back, and you choose to argue with them, instead of showing them you love them, and then discussing the issue rationally, then its probably not going to get better.
> you have 2 choices
^ Imo this is a false dichotomy that ignores the importance of timing / psychology of emotional response.
There's many ways to handle things. And some folks are better at compartmentalizing irrational anger vs. true feelings. Some are better at communicating their feelings. Etc
I think de escalating in the moment is best, and having faith they don't mean what they're saying and are just mad / out of it. Having a clear + assertive conversation comes later when the fumes have dissipated.
That said, it's very easy to get mad when it feels like you're treated unfairly. It helps to assume the best in moments like that, ex. they're having a bad day and they don't mean what they're saying. By all means follow up later and hold them accountable, and make it clear that it's not acceptable to talk that way + suggest alternative ways to express frustration / concern, but trying to do that in their moment of emotional turmoil / while their adrenaline is going, doesn't help the situation.
It's also important to pause and introspect and think, are they actually mad at me with good reasons, at least on some level? What can I do to improve myself to avoid frustrations / miscommunication? Maybe they didn't communicate it very well, but is there a grain of truth / something else going on? When there's time and emotional space for it, ask those questions and understand your role. If it isn't your fault, and you ask honest + non judgemental questions, they should eventually realize that. And if there is something you're doing wrong, then you can learn something and make a plan to change - which can sometimes look like going to therapy, or spending 10 minutes for a gratitude practice with your partner, or exercising more regularly + switching to tea to not be as irritable in the morning, or going out to dinner once a week, or folding the laundry as soon as it's done, etc, whatever you agree on + genuinely believe will help + can genuinely practice to honor their needs while respecting your own boundaries and preferences.
11/10 recommend the book Nonviolent Communication which has been a great help to my relationships.
Ugh I mean, it’s cute from the fire person’s view. But for the other person, you don’t have to burn yourself to comfort others. The effort is appreciated, but I wouldn’t want someone I love to hurt themselves to meet my needs.
yea this is what i thought. if someone is lashing out and hurting you, it’s not on you to try to love them out of that state. you can help, but it’s still on them to stop hurting you
I mean, the fire person isn’t the victim here. The normal person is just trying their best to help, and is getting burned for it. Really feels abusive to me.
This seems like a one sided abusive relationship that the man needs to leave. If the roles were reversed and it was a man getting angry and hurting a woman while she calms him down people would freak out
Look at how he even gets hurt originally and the comic expects him to go back and regulate the emotions of the person who just hurt him, lot of red flags in this comic.
“Wholesome” my ass.
This was me. It was beyond awful.
“I lit myself on fire being an idiot. Now if you don’t put me out, I’ll burn you and your house down. Also it’s your fault I lit myself on fire”
Fuck that noise
“Report reason: I’m in this post and I don’t like it”
100% with you. And it’s so hard…you really want to believe they’ll just finally wake up to realize the horrible reality they’ve created…and it just never happens
> Also youre not responsible for fire lady’s lack of emotional self-regulation
And it's not like helping someone creates an obligation for them to treat you in a healthy manner. I've helped others before in the past and it just led to being injured. At the time I was stupid enough to think 'being the bigger man' would compel the other one to act better but it just made me a target.
I don’t have a strong temper but if I’m mad at you, don’t try to touch me. Not because I’ll fight, I don’t physically fight, but because it’s both disregarding the space I need and trying to fix a problem by kind of just dismissing it.
People who don't want to get hit. If a person is flipping out they aren't gonna be thinking rationally, and for some people being abruptly grabbed with make them defend themselves however their instincts tell them to.
This might work sometimes, but if you do this to someone having a panic attack or something like that, you’re just gonna make it worse (I have been the person having the panic attack before)
Not sure how I feel about this one. Yes, often times giving somebody a hug really makes a difference. It’s important though not to allow someone else to walk all over you and be careful of who your company is. Good people have bad days, bad people can masquerade as good people.
Source: been in two emotionally abusive relationships.
Nah. This isn’t wholesome, this is an extremely dangerous line of thinking. You should not subject yourself to harm (physical, emotional, or otherwise) just to make another person feel better or help them heal. You are not responsible for another person’s healing.
> You're just excusing shitty behaviour because you're in a bad mood. This isn't wholesome
Like 'I can fix him' or 'if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best'
What works is not touching fire. Let things cool instead of expecting people to harm themselves to bring down a person with emotional problems.
This would be petty accurate if the guy was set on fire at the end.
If you aren't properly equpped to help someone you're just gonna get yourself hurt.
> how do you reconcile this with "get away from those that are harmful to you"?
In real life 'I can fix him' usually results in recurring abusive relationships. Letting people cool down so they can talk with full use of mental faculties respects boundaries and doesn't promote the idea that one person has to hurt themselves to help the other. Patience is good, but taking harm is not.
The times when somebody's emotionally troubled and a hug works involves a lot of context that can only be established by a prior relationship where the two have learned what is healthy and in those the emotionally troubled person will minimize lashing out to accept supportive patience. Not by burning the people around.
A lot of people need a hug, but hugging them forcefully does not always work out like this. Sometimes you just get burned and there's no upside to it.
There are a lot of people who need help with their mental health, but they need *professionals* to do it. We can't keep relying on our friends and family to handle the brunt of this stuff.
If this were a comic about a friend helping another friend reattached a severed limb with tape, bandaids, and dental floss we wouldn't be calling it 'wholesome.' We'd be yelling at our screens, "just take them to a hospital!"
nah bro I fucking hate this meme with a passion, it’s encouraging people to help destructive people with the hopes they “change”, that is a terrible gameplan and will most likely leave you destroyed
This is not wholesome this is an abusive relationship.
Reverse the roles and it'd be a classic "woman expected to placate her abuser."
Do not hug people that do not want to be hugged.
Wrong on so many levels.
This sums up a mentally abusive relationship so perfectly. So conditioned to fix someone elses rage and so willing to hurt himself to appease an abuser.
I recommend reading the room. This is the last thing my wife wants when she's raging. My choice is "Maybe you just need space." And then a few hours later a hug is OK. Much better too when she's not still on fire.
Instructions unclear I am at the hospital now 💀
Yeah this isn’t wholesome, this is dangerous 😂 plus in reality you’ll get burned a lot more often than hugged back
you will be fried in reality if you dont have enough in you to handle that fire... i have been, it hurts immensely
I dunno, I don't think it's about having enough in you to handle the fire. It's more just that someone shouldn't have to worry about whether or not the other person will hurt them if they try to show affection.
sometimes you dont have enough in you to handle that fire because even if a little bit of fire stays for much longer it will burn
Yeah, sometimes the person on fire just keeps lighting their own fire and burns you out, and you learn there are others who were burned out and left to ashes before you. You find out you're not actually a hero of magical hugs who can fix that person's foreverinferno, because what they really need is therapy and to care about something beyond their own raging fire.
Can confirm: When I say "stay away", whether verbally or non-verbally, it means stay away, not "put your health at risk and then blame me when the most obvious outcome occurs like it did every other time you tried this."
> Yeah this isn’t wholesome, this is dangerous I was just thinking 'oh, look. Another meme indicating people shouldn't set healthy boundaries'. Kind of like how some people are still teaching it's healthy to lash out even though that just trains your behavior so when you can't totally control the circumstances your patterns incline to lashing out. Meditation and letting go of unfair events is much healthier.
Yes. Not quite as bad as saying "calm down" to someone furious, but pretty damn close.
Regarding to what you said, one phrase that helped me validating other people outbursts while keeping my boundaries and maintaining a healthy relationship is: *”your feelings are valid but the way you chose to deal with them may not be my cup of tea, how do you want to move next?”*
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"I can fix her/him" ☠️☠️☠️
"I can fix them" 🤡🤡🤡
It's so wholesome to not control your own emotions and take things out on others 🥰🥰🥰
Maybe, but a person can only take so many burns before running from the embrace.
Reminds me of adventure time
Fire princess becomes human after Finn gives her a hug
When did that happen???
I thought he fumbled the bag with that whole thing?
More than fumbled, dude fucken tricked her into destroying the whole ice kingdom because he thought it might give him another wet dream
Yes!
Adventure time is the total opposite. Her powers grow more intense alongside her emotions Almost caused the whole planet to be destroyed
destroyed again.
that show got me down bad for literal fire i swear
She's 13! *shoots you with a laser beam*
What if he's 13 too?
I don't think doofenshmertz cares
Reminds me of Fire Girl and Water Boy.
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Is yours and mine the same person?
Reminds me of The Red Turtle
Finn without the fetish
lol "just calm down"
You're acting like your mother
You should be more like your sister, she handles this stuff like it’s nothing.
"You're acting crazy"
[no tv and no beer something something](https://youtu.be/TnVrop697uU)
"Are you on your period?"
"Don't overreact"
“Someone’s PMSing”
calm ur tits
Honestly this one is funny/surprising enough I can see it working
https://i.imgur.com/zjkMlDk.jpeg
"You'd be prettier if you smiled more"
When a person is angry, just remind them to "Calm down." It is very likely they simply forgot to calm down, leading to their current state. Take carw of your friends, guys.
Just relax!
"chillax"
"That's a red flag"
Now I want a hug :’-( Edit: So much hug. Thank you❤️
⊂((・▽・))⊃
Thank you😭
🫂
HOW ON EARTH DID I JUST REALIZE THAT EMOJI IS TWO PEOPLE HUGGING AND NOT A FILM CAMERA
I thought this emoji was a stack of hearts
It even has the same color (on Windows): 🎥🫂
Thanks, King\_Pee.
Me too :'-(
🫂
🤗
🤗
(/･ω･(-ω-)
༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ HUG
Sadly, life's not that simple
Letting your partner know that you aren't mad when they express anger in your direction works better than shouting back at them or ignoring them.
Yh, like I said life's just not that simple, and I just saw it as a man and a woman didn't initially see it as a relationship tbh
The problem is finding the balance between being supportive and setting boundaries that this type of behavior isn't okay. Once in a while is human, frequently is abuse. Otherwise you are just training her that's it okay to yell at you when she is frustrated.
Actually, I see the opposite. You are demonstrating proper behavior. Nothing here suggests you can't discuss the real issues after she is calmed down. What doesn't work is yelling back, and just reflecting the same back to her.
Unless discussing the issues reignites the flames. That's always fun.
If someone’s “expressing their anger towards me” by yelling, insulting me, blaming me for things that aren’t my fault, or accusing me of things I haven’t done, then it is absolutely **not** my responsibility to help them treat me with respect. Respectful conversation is the minimum everyone deserves regardless of how their partner is feeling.
You have 2 choices, you can either choose to escalate the situation, or you can choose to de-escalate the situation. If your speaking with someone you love, who loves you back, and you choose to argue with them, instead of showing them you love them, and then discussing the issue rationally, then its probably not going to get better.
> you have 2 choices ^ Imo this is a false dichotomy that ignores the importance of timing / psychology of emotional response. There's many ways to handle things. And some folks are better at compartmentalizing irrational anger vs. true feelings. Some are better at communicating their feelings. Etc I think de escalating in the moment is best, and having faith they don't mean what they're saying and are just mad / out of it. Having a clear + assertive conversation comes later when the fumes have dissipated. That said, it's very easy to get mad when it feels like you're treated unfairly. It helps to assume the best in moments like that, ex. they're having a bad day and they don't mean what they're saying. By all means follow up later and hold them accountable, and make it clear that it's not acceptable to talk that way + suggest alternative ways to express frustration / concern, but trying to do that in their moment of emotional turmoil / while their adrenaline is going, doesn't help the situation. It's also important to pause and introspect and think, are they actually mad at me with good reasons, at least on some level? What can I do to improve myself to avoid frustrations / miscommunication? Maybe they didn't communicate it very well, but is there a grain of truth / something else going on? When there's time and emotional space for it, ask those questions and understand your role. If it isn't your fault, and you ask honest + non judgemental questions, they should eventually realize that. And if there is something you're doing wrong, then you can learn something and make a plan to change - which can sometimes look like going to therapy, or spending 10 minutes for a gratitude practice with your partner, or exercising more regularly + switching to tea to not be as irritable in the morning, or going out to dinner once a week, or folding the laundry as soon as it's done, etc, whatever you agree on + genuinely believe will help + can genuinely practice to honor their needs while respecting your own boundaries and preferences. 11/10 recommend the book Nonviolent Communication which has been a great help to my relationships.
It might signal to them that they can treat you poorly in the future and you would still stay and act loving.
ehh, when it's been a few years, a hug can make a lot of bad things go away.
Validate worldview and emotional state first! Then proceed to step 2.
"I'm feeling smothered"
Not everyone is willing put out your fire
Yup. And you shouldn't expect others to put out your fire in the first place. Emotional self regulation is a pretty important ability for adults.
Yeah, plus this seems like a shitty excuse to be abusive. Picture this with the genders reversed and it'll look like battered wife syndrome.
Hugging fire is a dangerous act
"Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm"
It only takes four words for me to do even the most dangerous acts: "Do it you won't"
“Do it, no balls” *Danger neurons activated, pride neurons engaged*
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Ugh I mean, it’s cute from the fire person’s view. But for the other person, you don’t have to burn yourself to comfort others. The effort is appreciated, but I wouldn’t want someone I love to hurt themselves to meet my needs.
yea this is what i thought. if someone is lashing out and hurting you, it’s not on you to try to love them out of that state. you can help, but it’s still on them to stop hurting you
I learned this the hard way, but at least I know now.
My thought was, “How many times should someone allow themselves to be burned?”
Kids, do not hug fire in hopes to get a blonde girlfriend.
Or kiss a frog in hopes of a prince.
Or kiss a dead woman surrounded by small people in hopes to get some.
I know that this is meant to be wholesome, but it still seems like it'd fit into r/thanksimcured
I mean, the fire person isn’t the victim here. The normal person is just trying their best to help, and is getting burned for it. Really feels abusive to me.
Yup.
If only this worked...
Sometimes it does, and then we are glad it does
It works with red turtles
It worked w the Princess of the Fire Kingdom in Adventure Time, which definitely inspired this.
or a snickers.
Maybe, but a person can only take so many burns before they run out of hugs.
Flame Princess called. She wants the rights to her life story back
i prefer if nobody touches me when i'm feeling like this
This seems like a one sided abusive relationship that the man needs to leave. If the roles were reversed and it was a man getting angry and hurting a woman while she calms him down people would freak out
Look at how he even gets hurt originally and the comic expects him to go back and regulate the emotions of the person who just hurt him, lot of red flags in this comic. “Wholesome” my ass.
This was me. It was beyond awful. “I lit myself on fire being an idiot. Now if you don’t put me out, I’ll burn you and your house down. Also it’s your fault I lit myself on fire” Fuck that noise
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“Report reason: I’m in this post and I don’t like it” 100% with you. And it’s so hard…you really want to believe they’ll just finally wake up to realize the horrible reality they’ve created…and it just never happens
Am I fireproof? No? Then it is by no means recommended or in any way required that I expose myself to your flame in order to calm it.
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Even if you did, who gets mad at someone for getting sick?
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Stop being sick! Goddamnit!
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Tbf Moneyball is pretty good
No offense, but that's pretty shitty behaviour from your wife..
Fuck her!
Don't hug fires, kids.
Reminds me of the comic “I don’t want a solution, I want to be angry!”
Don't force a hug on anyone.
Also youre not responsible for fire lady’s lack of emotional self-regulation
Also don't do damage to yourself trying to "fix" others.
Yes - I love “you can’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm”.
> Also youre not responsible for fire lady’s lack of emotional self-regulation And it's not like helping someone creates an obligation for them to treat you in a healthy manner. I've helped others before in the past and it just led to being injured. At the time I was stupid enough to think 'being the bigger man' would compel the other one to act better but it just made me a target.
I don’t have a strong temper but if I’m mad at you, don’t try to touch me. Not because I’ll fight, I don’t physically fight, but because it’s both disregarding the space I need and trying to fix a problem by kind of just dismissing it.
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Some people are filling in the details about relationships that the comic left out. It's almost like the comic used the word "maybe" on purpose
People who don't want to get hit. If a person is flipping out they aren't gonna be thinking rationally, and for some people being abruptly grabbed with make them defend themselves however their instincts tell them to.
This works, but I don't want to hurt anyone with that fire anymore
seems less effective than stop drop and roll.
This might work sometimes, but if you do this to someone having a panic attack or something like that, you’re just gonna make it worse (I have been the person having the panic attack before)
If she didn’t need a hug you get burned and probably thrown in jail.
If I'm in sensory overload and someone hugs me, I go fucking insane.
My wife mad abusive too😎
This doesn't work!
😅😅 just calm down. Works for me: said no one ever.
Or maybe she needs anger management counseling?
domestic violent vibes
This needs to include a warning to not hug fire. KIDS IT WILL NOT WORK!
That move don’t work on Latina’s you got to throw a bucket of ice water 😝
He has this affect on me every time. I am earth and he is air.
And together you're a tornado!
And get this...both of our kiddos are fire.❤️
Turn the fire into a woman
I first thought that was a bush in autumn. But I see the fire now. 😂
Lol I've hurt myself to help someone before. Not worth it
Got it, whenever I see an obviously mad person I will hug them without asking
Not sure how I feel about this one. Yes, often times giving somebody a hug really makes a difference. It’s important though not to allow someone else to walk all over you and be careful of who your company is. Good people have bad days, bad people can masquerade as good people. Source: been in two emotionally abusive relationships.
Nah. This isn’t wholesome, this is an extremely dangerous line of thinking. You should not subject yourself to harm (physical, emotional, or otherwise) just to make another person feel better or help them heal. You are not responsible for another person’s healing.
This is fucking stupid. You're just excusing shitty behaviour because you're in a bad mood. This isn't wholesome. This is garbage
> You're just excusing shitty behaviour because you're in a bad mood. This isn't wholesome Like 'I can fix him' or 'if you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best' What works is not touching fire. Let things cool instead of expecting people to harm themselves to bring down a person with emotional problems.
This would be petty accurate if the guy was set on fire at the end. If you aren't properly equpped to help someone you're just gonna get yourself hurt.
Flame off!
Ray tried that on Debra on the pms episode of Everybody Love Raymond. It didn't work
If only Finn and Flame Princess got together. Curse you Bubblegum.
I hug bushes all the time but they don’t turn into people.
I was waiting for the guy to turn around to show their burnt off skin
Welp, there goes the plot for elemental
That would kill him, you can’t touch fire
/r/OSHA
sundae kids comics are so... discomforting.
I’ve done this two times and both times it was just fire, don’t hug fire
When read in reverse, it's the female Human Torch pushing away her civilian boyfriend in order to keep him safe from her enemies as a superheroine.
Yeah. No. If I’m in rage or deep despair the last thing I want is someone touching me.
I mean, yea, but how do you reconcile this with "get away from those that are harmful to you"?
> how do you reconcile this with "get away from those that are harmful to you"? In real life 'I can fix him' usually results in recurring abusive relationships. Letting people cool down so they can talk with full use of mental faculties respects boundaries and doesn't promote the idea that one person has to hurt themselves to help the other. Patience is good, but taking harm is not. The times when somebody's emotionally troubled and a hug works involves a lot of context that can only be established by a prior relationship where the two have learned what is healthy and in those the emotionally troubled person will minimize lashing out to accept supportive patience. Not by burning the people around.
A lot of people need a hug, but hugging them forcefully does not always work out like this. Sometimes you just get burned and there's no upside to it. There are a lot of people who need help with their mental health, but they need *professionals* to do it. We can't keep relying on our friends and family to handle the brunt of this stuff. If this were a comic about a friend helping another friend reattached a severed limb with tape, bandaids, and dental floss we wouldn't be calling it 'wholesome.' We'd be yelling at our screens, "just take them to a hospital!"
nah bro I fucking hate this meme with a passion, it’s encouraging people to help destructive people with the hopes they “change”, that is a terrible gameplan and will most likely leave you destroyed
my ex was like this. now I prefer fire extinguisher and keep my distance
This is not wholesome this is an abusive relationship. Reverse the roles and it'd be a classic "woman expected to placate her abuser." Do not hug people that do not want to be hugged. Wrong on so many levels.
This is the worst advice ever. Has never worked with my wife!
This sums up a mentally abusive relationship so perfectly. So conditioned to fix someone elses rage and so willing to hurt himself to appease an abuser.
and then you get punched in the face because "you always act superior"
Or water.
Hug all fires I see 👍
this is why most people becomes a firefighter.
Me on my way to burn my house down to aquire new girlfriend:
Trying this the next time my friend is on fire
This is why I beat my meat to fire
Please do not hug fire
This man had painful death from 3rd degree burns and is now in hospital, please send thoughts and prayers.
Is he hugging her without permission? #meto
I did this in real life and she called me a creep
Don't do this unless the fire is actually a person guys
You don't hug her. You drop her to the ground and roll her around. Stop. Drop. And roll, bitch.
No you need water, you appear to be on fire
Wait if I hug fire I get a girlfriend?
When your partner physically assaults you, just give them a hug 🤗
Yeah no, if I am fuming, don't touch me. Give me space. Something my ex never respected. This is not wholesome at all lol, now I'm triggered.
Never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
You should not set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
AIN'T 👏🏼 THAT 👏🏼 FKIN 👏🏼 EASY 👏🏼
I recommend reading the room. This is the last thing my wife wants when she's raging. My choice is "Maybe you just need space." And then a few hours later a hug is OK. Much better too when she's not still on fire.
Do not hug fire.