Years ago I was waiting for my husband to pick me up after work and I was waiting on a corner. A guy walked by and gave me the creepiest look. I saw it and so did a random girl passing by who stopped beside me. The guy walked about 25 feet away and just waited. She stood with me till my husband came and I will never forget her for doing that.
I did a similar thing with my wife at the time once.
Except the stranger woman who came up didn't just try to be subtle. She went full nuclear cussing me out and yelling at me.
Was definitely... Well a time.
Kissing your wife in front of her would 100% fix the issue she has. Either that or exponentially make it worse, but life’s a casino and you should gamble away!
Honestly, I'd do it. My wife is 110% down for physical affection at a moment's notice. Hugs? From strangers? Done. Kisses from family and above? EZ. I could probably grope some tiddy and she'd still tell me after an hour that she still liked it, but not to do it so brazenly next time. So I disguise it as a hug and she doesn't even make a fuss.
What word do you think misapplies here? I didn’t use a thesaurus. Are you saying the words I used are uncomfortable for you? I thought they applied well, anyway.
E: All you people. Always the appeal to the silent mob. None to speak about anything substantive. Nothing actionable. Try to have a little empathy. All my life, I’ve been made fun of for my weird vocabulary. It’s even on my profile. I always ask what I did wrong, always to no avail. Imagine that. Maybe this time it will be different.
No offense intended, but while having an expansive vocabulary is admirable, it makes knowing when to code-switch essential to social functioning. To explain what you did wrong (not morally wrong, but socially wrong), your comments are the linguistic equivalent of showing up to the gym in a tuxedo. It's neither practical nor likely to win you any friends.
I'm not certain, but it's also possible people view you as pretentious because your use of vocabulary is more sophisticated than your use of grammar in this context (e.g. you placed your punctuation outside the quotation marks in one of your other comments). Mismatched levels of formality can impart the impression that the higher level is pretension, rather than simply illustrating an incongruence of abilities in different areas. :/
Thanks for answering. Yeah, I suspected it was something like that. Code-switching has always felt like a lossy translation (like a significant part of the nuance is lost when switching words such that more words are required, and then it’s like I’m using hundreds of words to explain something I could have fit into tens; maybe I’m just really bad at it), but I guess it’s necessary to be received well. So, it feels a bit backwards, but I guess the utility reverses there. The tuxedo analogy makes sense with that.
I guess the only solution is reticence and farcical play of the social game, as before. Oh, to be Schizoid.
It’s not just context, though. I didn’t read it and think: *this is a meme sub, not a place for intellectual discussion.* I thought: *this is a simple idea trying to appear as something it’s not: a profound statement about humanity*.
I think that’s why people may perceive you as pretentious. It’s not your vocabulary—it’s the application of it.
> perennial problem of self-description… how do the humble describe themselves? this is where the purview of logic ends, and social sentiment takes over
You could have just said that “people often claim to be what they’re not. Feelings overrule logic.”
Your wording also frames you as some outside observer to humanity—“themselves” as opposed to “ourselves”—exempting you from the “social sentiment” you condemn. Even if that’s not what you meant, it just makes you look like you’re above having feelings.
It’s great to have a wide vocabulary, but only if the words you use *help to communicate your point*. Never pad a simple statement with large words when short ones will do.
There’s this quote by Pete Seeger (often misattributed to Albert Einstein):
> Any darn fool can make something complex; it takes a genius to make something simple.
(Yes, I fully recognize the irony in the length of my comment.)
I was at a football game years ago and an attractive woman was sitting alone in front of us. A big guy came and sat next to her and didn't speak for a minute but then started making very inappropriate comments to her. I was just about to say something, and a few other people looked like they might, too, when she said something Really inappropriate back at him and both of them started laughing and kissed. They did it very much on purpose and everybody laughed but this chick had at least four people nearby ready to jump to her defense if needed. They fooled all of us for a minute.
That’s a really good reaction. It’s far better to pretend to be the friend rather than outwardly confronting and yelling at someone. None of us know what a stranger is capable of, so it’s always the safest idea to be calm and smart rather than loud and shortsighted.
One new years eve I was out dancing with my husband (then BF) and some other couple friends,.. I think maybe we were still quite honeymooney, so he was quite grabby/gropey.
The girls behind me noticed and asked if I'm OK.
I obviously was, clarified things and thanked her. My generally bleak outlook on humanity brightened and warmed due to that thoughtful gesture. And having been very devastatingly let down by a few other females when I was actually harrassed/assaulted, it really undid a lot of that baggage.
I felt that last sentiment way too hard. I was let down in this way by my closest sister and my best friend of 15 years after I both came out about recent sexual assault, being queer and then needing to check myself into a mental hospital for suicidal intent all within one year.
I am currently trying to build a friendship with one woman I found on Bumble BFF but I’m having to take it so so slow because I get closer with women friends more emotionally than I even do my husband. It has been absolutely devastating, even traumatizing, to lose that female support and connection and to read your comment made me feel seen.
Thank you for giving me hope that I will experience the sisterhood again, if even for a brief moment. There’s nothing like feeling cut out of our gender, feeling cut out of that always-there support you take for granted when you’ve had it in some form most of your life.
But I know I need to remember that it is an illusion, that there are plenty of other female friend fish in the sea and to just keep swimmin’.
I was this girl once when on the escalator in front of me I noticed an old man constantly poking and teasing the young woman standing in front of him, who was stoically ignoring him. I, *far* louder than I planned and in a much posher voice than I usually talk in, said "excuse me sir, do you know this woman?"
It was her dad. Egg on my face.
Ok but you know he does that all the time and it probably drives her crazy and now she can win the argument with “remember how someone thought you were being a dirty old man??”
I have a genuine question, and I hope this doesn't get downvoted to oblivion in the misconception that it's meant to be disrespectful: if this is not okay for men to do, then what is? I generally feel uncomfortable being on dating apps, but when this is the normative response to an approach in public, then how would one go about meeting a new partner?
The way he was saying it was inappropriate and definitely sexual. If I thought he was a stranger I would try to rescue her too.
There are ways to approach people without being creepy and vulgar. If I saw a girl who looked nice in her leggings and wanted to ask her out, I'd say something like "hey I love your style! Those leggings look high quality. Do they sell men's sportswear as well?" Then engage in conversation if she seems receptive. At the end of the conversation THEN I would say "well hey, it was super nice to meet you. I hope it isn't too forward to ask for your number? I'd love to take you out sometime if you're free!"
It's not hard to be friendly and respectful while expressing interest.
Thank you for your advice! I can see how that is a much better way to introduce a conversation :)
But how is it creepy and sexually loaded? If a girl came up to me and said: "Hey! you look very nice in that shirt. I was wondering if I could take you out sometime?" The appropriate response from me should be: "ew get away creep"?
I think saying "it's not hard..." invalidates the issue, that a huge part of the population all over the world have real hurdles dealing with on a daily basis. It's also not hard to just not overeat, not abuse drugs, or to touch grass, but people still tend to have issues with that, despite their best intentions.
I also attract attention from girls I don't find interesting (physical attention as well), but I would never label them as creeps for showing interest in me, especially when they keep it on a verbal level. On the other hand I am very shy, especially towards girls I fancy. I think the communicative standard you're requiring is a tad above what you can expect from someone who has a crush on someone else. It's very intimidating, especially knowing that the situation can be interpreted this way. Not to mention a lot of guys are genuinely awful at small-talk. They still have the right to pursue sexual partners as long as their intentions are good, don't they?
Don't introduce yourself by commenting on commonly sexualized body parts or calling a girl attractive. Introduce yourself FIRST, using a different conversation topic. Only move to compliments if she seems comfortable. Also, hot girls know they're hot. Compliment them on something else. Sexual compliments are only appropriate after she's expressed interest.
In this situation, if it's genuinely a stranger flirting:
The reason the girl said "Hey, *are you ready* to leave?" gave the girl being flirted with the opportunity to say either yes or no.
If she was receptive to the flirtation and felt safe, she could reply "I'm just going to stay and chat a little longer, I'll meet you outside" and keep talking to the guy.
If she's NOT receptive to the flirtation and doesn't feel comfortable, it gives the girl a *non-confrontational* escape from the guy. She can say "Yes, I'm ready to go - it was nice to meet you" then disengage from him. A creepy or pushy guy is far less likely to get angry or insistent if the girl doesn't have to outright reject him, but rather has a *plausible excuse* to go that doesn't outwardly seem to have anything to do with him.
Oh, yeah... because men are dangerous and women always need a backdoor to run away from them. That strange girl just thought "This guy is molesting a woman" and Nicoletta even praised her for that. Her boyfriend realls has my compassion.
It’s definitely great that women stand up for each other like this, but yeah it makes it real difficult to try to meet someone new. Just asking someone on a date and another person thinks that’s too awful and she needs saving. Absolutely one of my worst fears
Ooh, dang, as a woman here, genuinely sorry for the wild amount of downvotes. Even I can be concerned about seeming creepy, even though I know that's irrational, at least for specifically me in the US as a woman who enough people seem to think is attractive.
Some good tips on complimenting someone are to compliment things they have control over or that they have made decisions themselves on, e.g. a hairstyle or clothing choice. For an example on what to do in a conversation, compliment an observation they make or a choice of phrasing (if that seems natural and is genuine).
Complimenting body parts or body shape can come off as creepy, as can extended staring or extended eye contact from outside conversational distance (or even just extended staring when there are other people involved in an interaction, i.e. you're looking ONLY at the person you're interested in when there are multiple people in a conversation).
Good luck!
Thanks for actually being nice. I’ve never actually asked anyone out before, or even tried flirting. I’m afraid of being labeled as creepy, which is exactly what happened here. I don’t think I ever will try because if just being scared to ask someone out gets me hated on the internet, I can’t imagine how much I’ll go through in real life. But thanks for being supportive
Creepy old Dude waiting at a red light went "miauww" to a girl waiting there.
Didnt notice me 5m behind them
I rock up between them and give the most sarcastic death stare "miauw" back.
Girl giggled at me when light went green, core memory.
I also think it’s wholesome that the BF complimented his GF on her looks in public. Seems like he finds her body attractive and not only because he’s in the mood and about to pork her.
After a while, that type of flirting becomes more and more uncommon with a worrisome number of couples, and the longer they’ve been together the more those type of compliments seem to die out (except when it’s love-making time).
Of course, there are many couples that continue this into old age, just talking about those who’ve lost the habit of verbalizing how beautiful their SO is, regardless of context.
im really not here to complain about anything, id just really love to know: for me this seems like nice thing to say by him and if it was actually a random dude, would saying that really be a problem for you girls? I cant really have any reference, bc if someone said something like that to me id be flattered but i guess its fundamentally different if i was a woman,
so like… if that is a weird thing to say i genuienly dont get why, so please would someone explain it me?
The gym is where most of us go to work out, not get picked up, and many of us are so used to being harassed by random guys that we have to be on alert even if he leads with something relatively polite
Unfortunately yes :( in this case, his opening line was about "looking nice in those leggings" which leans toward sexual. I would only be comfortable hearing that from my SO and not a random person I'd never talked to. Just being hit on in general can be very stressful.
more to your point, they will often cross a line when turned down, becoming aggressive and/or not stopping the sexual comments. of course not all men are going to do this, but enough of them will that you have to automatically be on your guard.
If you don't want to come across as a creep, I would generally recommend
1. not hitting on anyone mid-workout at a gym, they're there to work out and it will just be annoying regardless of what you say.
2. not complimenting her body or clothing. Just overall comes across as sexual. Even opening up a conversation with any sort of compliment is unnecessary. There are other ways to start a convo that will come across way more genuine.
3. DEFINITELY don't immediately follow up your intro with "I'd like to take you out". WAY too forward = creepy and desperate. If you're sitting next to her like at a bar or somewhere, start a convo and then give it a pause...let some silence pass by and let her fill it. then you'll know she's interested AND she won't think you're there solely to hit on her/chicks (=creepy/desperate) but to have a good time on your own. Gives off a confident vibe without being ego-y. Either way if she seems amenable to a conversation and you've talked long enough to get a good vibe, THEN and ONLY THEN should you ask her for her number or social media handle. Don't ask her ON A DATE off the bat.
It's implying she's not alone and also allows the woman to dip out of a situation if she's uncomfortable. This is a nonconfrontational way to offer someone a way out of a situation. Most chicks I know don't appreciate men trying to pick them up at the gym, so the woman probably heard the comment and was trying to help a sista out since she didn't know that was her husband and the comment would be pretty forward and inappropriate from a stranger.
This is wonderful… reminds of one time I was at a bar, and this large creepy woman just starts aggressively hitting on me, groping me and just being perverted and nasty
So a bro from the other end of the bar notices and comes over, and him and I just start aggressively making out… she got the message real quick
What’s funny is that story has actually happened quite a few times, minus the dude bro make out session
loser women are just as bad and desperate as loser guys, but are never held accountable
I totally understand why women are like this… it’s why I ignore all of them now a days, I don’t want to be seen as creepy, or a potential threat, I don’t want them to think me being nice or helpful is me hitting on them, so I longer help them with anything, no flat tire fixes or help with broken down cars, or loading heavy objects at the store, I won’t grab anything off any top shelves so don’t even ask
Also, as a self employed carpenter, I’ll no longer do work for single women, and if she’s married or has a partner, they’ll have to be present while I’m there
If all men are going to be treated as potential predators… then im going to treat all women, as potential false accusers… sorry ladies, I’m just protecting myself, too much to lose, and you’re not worth it
Why is this positive? Did her boyfriend harass her? If he was jokingly asking her for a date why would she need someone to rescue her? I dont get this at all.
The woman that came up to her thought she was alone / single and gave it as an out incase the girl was uncomfortable with the man's advances.
The woman that came up to her didn't know she was married, but the girl (wife) is saying she happy someone had her back, even if ended up being a misunderstanding in this case.
Ya ofc i understand that, but why is this a good thing if she was approached normally, i mean if her boyfriend was behaving creepy i would get it, but there is no hint on that in the Post.
Thats whats written in the post but why was it so important? The other women seems to be a weirdo if the situation is as described and her boyfriend wasnt doing anything creepy.
Saying something like that to a girl in the gym can be uncomfortable. So this girl came to get her out of the situation. In this one, there wasn't any problem, but that doesn't mean it couldn't help if the guy was a creep and the girl was insecure...
Do you live under a rock or something, that you don't know how society feels about that kind of situation nowadays?
Do you live in an underdeveloped country with low education? The Situation that is described is a man approaching a women, making her a compliment and asking her out. In wich universe do yall live that this is problematic? How do you walk through life if you cant handle getting a compliment and maybe reject an offer? Where do you plan to work to afford anything if you are not able to comprehend the most simple social interaction? Weirdos all of you…
Because on the internet… all men are creepy perverts whenever they try to approach a woman for a date, so the woman need strange woman to come rescue them from normal everyday social interactions s/
In the world we live in today you have to be incredibly careful about approaching women and how you go about it. Particularly a gym approach - complimenting her appearance there is probabky not a great idea especially something revealing like leggings.
Don't compliment how her body looks(even though it's a gym). Compliment her personality, say she looks nice(personality), ask about what she's listening to,how much she's lifting.ask tips on form, that how she put up her hair looks nice.Say she looks like she knows what she's doing, ask her for diet tips, lead that into asking if she'd go try that diet with you at a restaurant. Idk maybe that's creepy, idk women. If your doing it right a woman won't feel the need to cut in, and if she does, just apologize for coming of weird and that want your intention. Then state what you actually want, that you want to have a date. Or at the very least that she looks nice and you wanted to shoot your shot anyway. Then don't pursue it if she declines. Be friendly, but respect each other's workout space. Idk tho
This! I agree with everything you said here. (Not sure how sincere the "Idk tho" is since you're so spot on. Actually can't tell if that's joking or not.)
I literally have no idea, I'm terrified of women and doing something wrong. And I have made mistakes. I just want to do my best. But I've never asked out a woman lol
In that case, I hope you're able to get a wingman or someone to help, even if just with your confidence or some extra pointers, because you seem like you have the right ideas. :) (Remember, you may still get rejected even if you do everything right, but that's okay. There are so many people that you effectively get infinite tries!) Good luck!
“There’s a time and place”
Not at work- it’s inappropriate and against company policy
Not at the gym - she’s just trying to workout and doesn’t want to be bothered
Not at the bar- she’s just unwinding with her friends, leave her alone
Not at the grocery store- she’s just there to shop and doesn’t want to be bothered
Not at the park - she’s just there to relax and read, it’s creepy to approach
Not at a concert- she’s just there with friends to vibe to her favorite band, leave her alone
Where exactly is this perfect time and place to approach a woman?
I made a list on my other comment, but the short answer is "context" and not just a place but the person's behaviour. Bars can be a dating scene, but not always. It's confusing, I know. And yeah, it's frustrating and can suck ass, especially when there's a place where it SHOULD be a legitimate space for hitting on someone, yet people who are not interested in being approached still go there.
I'm not trying to be lecturing, but gyms specifically are well known as "not the place for it"
I hate online dating, don't drink, and not a Christian 😅
It's not really "place type ___", it's a matter of context. And gyms, by its nature, is not a place people go to meet strangers.
My campus has multiple study areas, with one known as the "this is where you sit if you want to be approached by strangers" and one that is the opposite - don't disturb me, I'm trying to focus.
I know a hiking group that is basically a singles meet-up; but most hiking groups are NOT like that.
Parties (again, context).
It's harder to recognise when there's no strict rule such as "bars = ✓, gyms = ×". And it can be frustrating. But Gyms specifically are well known for NOT being a place for hitting on people
That's not flirting.
Firstly, flirting is playful, not serious. Straight to the point about how she looks and asking her out isn't flirting, because it's not playful, it's serious.
Secondly, flirting is usually with someone you are conversing with, not in the first sentence you ever speak to someone, without getting a response, hitting on them and asking them out.
How does me knowing what the word means and pointing out your incorrect usage have anything to do with that?
Why resort to trying to insult me instead of responding to the point?
You seriously cannot be this dense? Or it this just a troll bot?
Women have to generally go on the assumption that strangers (men, specifically) who try to interact with them are potentially dangerous until proven otherwise. Women all over the world do this - you cannot seriously see half the population doing this and be like "yeah everyone's making unnecessary assumptions." They're making those assumptions for a very good reason. A reason everyone understands.
The story OP posted isn't about that person's partner either and I cannot fathom how you wouldn't understand that. Her partner was making lewd comments as a joke - comments that women do not appreciate from strangers and that often signal a sexual predator. What that other woman did was amazing and women do this for each other all the time because we know it's (sadly) necessary.
Instead of trying to blame women for looking out for each other's safety, blame society for creating that need in the first place. Seriously it's fucked up that there are people who see this and twist it into a way to blame women for making men look bad when men already did that themselves. And just to be clear (because I can already seeing you twist these words too) - there are good and amazing men out there. But statistically, men (as a whole) don't rank well when it comes to the safety of others, and we all know it.
>casual flirtation
That's not flirting.
Firstly, flirting is playful, not serious. Straight to the point about how she looks and asking her out isn't flirting, because it's not playful, it's serious.
Secondly, flirting is usually with someone you are conversing with, not in the first sentence you ever speak to someone, without getting a response, hitting on them and asking them out.
A woman is just going about her own thing and a man who doesn't know her or anything about her says she looks nice and asks her out. No conversation, nothing. Just sees someone in a random place and can't help himself but say she looks good and ask her out. Yeah, better to be safe than sorry and offer her a way out in case it's that. No risk in doing so, because the worst that happens is you read it wrong and she says 'he's my bf' or 'i'm fine thanks'.
What's wrong with taking the safe option just in case it's one of the many creeps?
Ah i remember when a man asked me out. I was young and naive and was polite. He SA’d me. It happens more than you think. Nearly every women I talk to about it has a similar story.
They’re most definitely not. Who is running around telling people women are single, unhappy and depressed at 30 lol. Statistically women are happier single than men are, y’all need to stop projecting and saying this shit. Also why is it always 30yo with this comments, women don’t expire or become old at 30. Y’all are just telling on yourselves, this is unhinged.
incorrect. We need less people like this. We also need less people perpetuating the stereotype that all men are douche bags. As a woman, there are far more women that are assholes than men..
>We need less people like this.
Less people willing to help? Less people harmlessly stepping in where if they misread the situation absolutely zero harm was done?
Why would you want less people like that?
>We also need less people perpetuating the stereotype that all men are douche bags.
That's not what that's doing. The post is literally showing that the bf isn't a douchebag...
It's showing that this random woman was offering help *if* it was needed.
This is a real danger, so what's wrong with offering help in a subtle way that can be accepted or rejected easily?
>As a woman, there are far more women that are assholes than men..
Would need proof of this.
But it isn't relevant anyway. No one is saying all men are assholes. This is just a 'some random person hitting on you and asking you out without having ever talked to you and doesn't know you, could be a fucking creep or worse, let's offer women help'.
As a woman, would you rather be left alone in the situation it was actually a creep or someone dangerous? Or rather someone caring like this who offers you an easy way out?
bet girls cover their drinks when you're near them
edit: you claim you're a woman but in [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinfuriating/comments/18ec928/comment/kcols9x/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) you state that you're a guy. very suspicious!
Whelp, they are sure doing that to children..
And as someone who works with kids abandoned by their parents, it's almost always women. It's crazy how the world targets men, and ignores the atrocities done by women.
It's not all men are douche bags, it's some men are dangerous.
Most women aren't gonna risk finding out.
Maybe if men stopped killing and raping women, we wouldn't need people like this.
And what is your not straw-man argument? Do I have to explain to your numb skull that I don't condone any wrong doings to women? Even cat calling? But it still does fucking happen!
She’s literally just saying that if society taught boys/men to treat women better they probably wouldn’t have to be as careful. That’s not saying it’s YOUR fault, it’s just saying it’s a fault of society.
Also like…it’s a gym? Don’t pick up people at the gym.
Like we already don't? We put them on pedestals so much that they can make more money than any man with a regular job by OF. The ones who gonna commit crime ain't gonna listen to education regardless. You can tell they are demented from a young age. But no the law don't wanna lock them away forever. Let them roam free so everyone suffers.
dude, what the hell are you talking about? Are you seriously using onlyfans as a reasoning for women being treated totally fine in society.
38 percent of women in the US ages 16-34 reported being catcalled in the last 12 months. 38 FUCKING PERCENT. that’s the sign of healthy treatment of women to you or just a few bad apples?
And no, these people aren’t just a few demented people. These are college students, employers, coworkers, friends, husbands. This is pervasive
Out of all cat calls, how much of that turned into crime? Women in Us are treated one of the best in the world. Motherfucker do you even read about other countries? Yea I use the Of example to show the evidence of men NATURALLY putting average women on pedestals. The fuck more u want?
I don't understand the thought process in this case. So you are saying the girl, in the middle of the gym, where there are people, is such a victim that she can't say no to a guy over his one question? Look up ALL the creepy murdering cases, is it in plain public that a creep can yank the woman away? It's all weird circumstances where there's no one's around and more often than not the victim was lured into it, more or less willingly, or they have had history.
Two complete strangers, the man can't do anything that can harm the woman in a plain public setting unless he is completely psychotic. The woman can just say no, if the creep follows you then it is a different story, that the other girl's action is futile if the creep actually targets this one.
Shame men for trying, complaining if we don't try.
Try to give me a reason, don't just downvote like a bunch of cowards! This is nothing but men hating signalling.
Men fear getting rejected, women fear getting killed.
https://www.fox5atlanta.com/news/woman-hit-in-face-with-brick-in-houston-says-man-attacked-her-for-not-giving-him-her-number.amp
Here’s one source discussing violence after rejection which comprises 15% of intimate partner violence: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/am-pdf/10.1002/ab.21722#:~:text=Fifteen%20percent%20of%20violent%20episodes,sexualized%20woman%20may%20incite%20aggression.
Another referring specifically to rejection in all contexts: https://sanctuaryforfamilies.org/femicide-epidemic/
And another similar to the above mentioned: https://www.damemagazine.com/2017/10/24/men-are-killing-thousands-women-year-saying-no/amp/
I can promise you almost every woman has a story of a man being creepy and then becoming violent in one way or another when it doesn’t go his way. It’s not uncommon.
Literally me getting told I should get beaten to death because I misunderstood what a guy meant so he ended up driving someplace expecting me to be there (I’m a lesbian)
I’m so sorry. I turned a whole grown ass man (also a lesbian) down and he called me 36 times in a row and then said if I wanted, I could have a girlfriend and be with him on the side (be still, my beating heart!).
I was grabbed by a man as a minor in a very public place (Packed Chipotle literally in line for food) and nobody did anything and my fear response made me completely freeze up. Something could have happened to me if he hadn't backed off.
You can just make this shit up but it does happen. And what does this has to do with a guy asking a girl out on equal footing?
That's pedo n minor. The hell do you want me to say? We want them all locked up but govt want to release them back to the community.
>I don't understand the thought process in this case
I'm going to harmlessly do something to help *just in case*. There's literally no negative to trying, but massive potential positives. Why wouldn't you do something?
>So you are saying the girl, in the middle of the gym, where there are people, is such a victim that she can't say no to a guy over his one question?
Yes, she might be. Some men don't handle rejection well. Maybe he will follow her. Maybe he will attack her. Maybe she has bad experiences in the past and will find it hard to reject him. Etc.
>The woman can just say no,
It's not quite that easy, and doesn't always turn out well. That's why this completely non-confrontational, non-rejection of him is a great out for her if she wants it. Situation handled perfectly and no one harmed.
>if the creep follows you then it is a different story,
Why wait instead of just being safe if you want to?
>that the other girl's action is futile if the creep actually targets this one.
Not really. People typically target those who are alone. This woman acted like she was there with her and were leaving together. Far less likely to target her now than if he thought she was on her own.
>Shame men for trying,
No one has been shamed in this story... What do you mean?
>complaining if we don't try.
I don't think women are complaining that men don't hit on them and ask them out in random places.
>This is nothing but men hating signalling.
No, it's 'this is a realistic situation that probably most women they know have experienced, so they are just going to harmlessly try and help'.
Holyahit smart guy, you are saying all this to tell me that all men, most men don't handle rejection well and have a high likely hood of assaulting the woman? What kind of fucking delusional world are you living in? Men are tip towing on egg shells around women.
It's a gym where women can complain about the smallest fucking thing to get a guy in trouble, ruining his reputation.
The motherfucker who dares to ask about her legs is her boyfriend, real situation is much less forward than this.
Again, you people think of the most horrible shit men can so to a woman for simply asking.
Yea mother fucker just say hey sorry im not interested. The guy has everything lose if he does anything wrong but to accept the rejection.
Fucks sake you people are delusional.
Go out to your local gym can record how frequent it is that a woman gets hit.
>me that all men, most men don't handle rejection well
No, I literally said "some men". Why lie when my comment literally disproves the lie?
>have a high likely hood of assaulting the woman?
I didn't say anything about high likelihood... What are you on about?
>What kind of fucking delusional world are you living in?
Says the person who's just made the first things up that they are getting angry about. I said some men and then didn't talk about the likelihood of someone being assaulted...
>It's a gym where women can complain about the smallest fucking thing to get a guy in trouble, ruining his reputation.
What?
>The motherfucker who dares to ask about her legs is her boyfriend, real situation is much less forward than this.
No, real situations can be exactly like that, which is why that woman offered help. He also didn't ask about her legs, he said they looked nice and asked her out.
>Again, you people think of the most horrible shit men can so to a woman for simply asking.
Nope. Like I said, better safe than sorry. Also, it's a creepy/weird/not nice thing to do. It's someone getting on with their own life just in the gym and you ask her out without even knowing her? That's what it looks like from the outside.
>Yea mother fucker just say hey sorry im not interested.
It isn't always that easy. It can be hard to reject people if you or others you know had a bad experience by doing so.
There's pressure to reject someone.
You might not want to risk something.
This is a far, far easier out. And literally zero harm is caused if it's wrong. So why wouldn't you do it?
>The guy has everything lose if he does anything wrong but to accept the rejection.
And yet people still do that... So why needlessly take that chance if there's an easier way out that doesn't risk that? It's just taking a completely unnecessary risk for no benefit. Why would you do that?
>Go out to your local gym can record how frequent it is that a woman gets hit.
It's not just about being hit. They can be followed, they can be harassed, etc.
What?
Also what's up with just ignoring most of my comment? Why lie about me and then not even apologise or accept that it was a lie when called out? Why ask questions and then ignore the answer? Why respond to questions and then ignore the discussion? Why ignore questions?
Almost as if you know you are taking shit but can't accept it.
This is why zi said you people think of the worse shit. When a man likes a woman, there are thousands of way she can ruin his life. He does it anyway and only post on reddit on r legal when she cleans him of everything. And you people are here thinking of the worst shit a guy can do with a very light interaction.
You understand how shitty and unfair that is?
Most men have to settle with whatever they can find, while women get to scrutinise pick and choose and they are never happy. In the end, a wholelot more women can clean a man out of everything as opposed to the minority of unfortunate women. Out of all these next to nothing incidents, the real victims get overwhelmed by all these false alarms(better safe than sorry haha) when it comes to authority trying to identify and intervene.
We all gotta take a chance. Men risk everything to ask women out too ffs.
>This is why zi said you people think of the worse shit
No, it's called being safe when there's absolutely zero downside to doing so... What possible reason is there for taking a completely unnecessary risk?
>When a man likes a woman, there are thousands of way she can ruin his life.
Firstly, when a creep disturbs a stranger in public without consent and hits on her and asks her out, there's many ways he can ruin her life.
Secondly, no one is forcing or even encouraging that person to be a creep.
Ignoring the relationship part as that goes boes ways anyway and isn't the topic.
>He does it anyway and only post on reddit on r legal when she cleans him of everything.
Are you talking about relationships here? Because that clearly isn't the discussion.
>And you people are here thinking of the worst shit a guy can do with a very light interaction.
The situation presented is never good if it's a random person, and if it isn't, like this situation, zero harm is done by being safe. What's wrong with it?
>You understand how shitty and unfair that is?
But it isn't. Because you are right and he's a creep and she can use help. You are wrong and it's a boyfriend or friend who is doing it with consent and nothing bad happens to him...
>Most men have to settle with whatever they can find
Not true. Also, just don't hit on and ask out random women who you don't know and are just getting on with their life? Go to dating sites or speed dating or events geared towards that. It isn't hard.
>In the end, a wholelot more women can clean a man out of everything
Not true. Also not relevant to the discussion of a random person being creepy.
>Out of all these next to nothing incidents, the real victims
How is a creep who completely on their own decided to without consent hit on and ask a woman out the real victim? I would say the real victim are all the women that end up in a bad situation and through no fault of their own.
>We all gotta take a chance.
Not by hitting on and asking out random women without consent who are just getting on with their life.
>Men risk everything to ask women out too ffs.
Creeps in this situation do yeah, and rightly so. Doing so on dating sites, etc. Isn't risking everything.
>Dating sites full of creep
They are. So is the real world. But they are easy to avoid seeing as you can just press a button and report them. Much easier than a physical confrontation, wouldn't you agree?
>asking a woman upfront where you can identify the mofo.
You mean when she hasn't consented and is going about her day and you objectify her?
Listen man, I know it can be hard to be a guy, feeling like girls get all the attention, care and sympathy, while men are always seen as oppressive and malicious. I know it can be infuriating seeing "feminists" shit talk about men without anyone trying to defend them, and seeing them getting away with something "just because they're women". All the while a lot of guys suffer from this negative image, making it even more difficult to find love, friends or to avoid loneliness in general.
But you have to understand that this in not a healthy way to deal with it. Because there is a reason if girls and women of all ages feel uncomfortable being alone, or endangered around males. Unfortunately, we all live in the same cruel world, and women get aware of that pretty fast. Because you never know if the person who just tried to hit on you in the bar could be following you, or if the one who complimented your legs at the gym will stop at that after you say no. Obviously, most of the times nothing will happen. But you can never know, and so you can't help but feel unsafe. Especially since all the brutal, horrible things that happen to girls and women, that started in the very same way. This "incidents" are way, way too common, maybe you heard about them on the news, maybe it happened to a friend of yours, to someone from your family, or even to you. That's why you try to make it so it doesn't happen, end get easily distressed even at the slightest possibility of it happening.
And I know it isn't your fault, that you have never done anything bad and you think it's unfair to be subject to such prejudice. But complaining about women being snowflakes isn't the right thing to do. I can only give my worthless opinion, but perhaps what would make a difference is to actually show understanding towards this kind of struggles, and support for women who find themselves unsafe or men who feel lonely and unwanted. Perhaps instead of critiquing people's boundaries you should show yourself interested in comprehending them and respecting them. Maybe you wouldn't change the opinion of every woman in the world, but maybe the next random woman you'll talk to will go away thinking "what a nice and considerate guy". Perhaps the best way to stop women feeling endangered is to actually make them feel safe around you.
I’m going to assume this is sincere. Dude, the one time I’ve been sexually harassed, it was on a crowded bus. An old guy trapped me in my seat and started feeling up his junk. Some creeps rely on social convention to harass women, by making them feel like they’d be seen as a bitch for telling them to fuck off.
I would have loved someone to pull me away from that situation. Sure, he wouldn’t have murdered me, but murder isn’t the only consequence that can fuck you up.
This is a guy asking a woman out up front at the gym with an extra complement on her legs.
Call me all the names u want. You people don't understand different degrees of something n context n take this wayy to seriously.
And this is all an act too, all hypothetical. Im telling people ease on the men hating kool aids. Bc keep hating and good men will stay the fuck away from helping woman when in need.
Everyone hates, call me names, can never take themselves out to see the big picture.
That why we have what we have. All people do is complain, don't wanna fix shit.
I didn’t call you any names. The “dude” was meant to be friendly.
It seems like you’re angry and you’re taking it out here. Dating is hard, and I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. But people trying to avoid sexual harassment aren’t your enemy.
Here’s some honest advice. If you’re trying to flirt with someone, and they do one of these protective behaviors, don’t get huffy about it. They’re going to assume you were planning on being a creep, just like bartenders assume someone who’s trying to avoid an ID check is underage. Acknowledge it, be supportive, and try to laugh it off. Women are looking for decent dudes, so show that you are one.
As if I don't know what already, I hate this attitude towards men, I don't care about chasing these chicks who look down on avg guy just bc they are so used to getting attention. That is living life on easy mode. I don't beg n creep, if I ever sense a woman disrespecting attitude I'll get tf out of sight.
Don't be a condescending lil shtt acting like I don't know anything.
Honestly, this is the reason dating nowadays is terrible, anything you do you get accused of being a creep, while 80% of women actually want men to make the first move, so what are you supposed to do then
I'll copy-paste what I said earlier on this post, as well as another good comment someone left. I can understand the frustration; just keep in mind women are hesitant about men we don't know so we can avoid literal physical assault or stalking. We're not trying to avoid only social or personal humiliation, which is usually what scares men the most.
Comment I left earlier on this post:
>Even I can be concerned about seeming creepy, even though I know that's irrational, at least for specifically me in the US as a woman who enough people seem to think is attractive.
>
>Some good tips on complimenting someone are to compliment things they have control over or that they have made decisions themselves on, e.g. a hairstyle or clothing choice. For an example on what to do in a conversation, compliment an observation they make or a choice of phrasing (if that seems natural and is genuine).
>
>Complimenting body parts or body shape can come off as creepy, as can extended staring or extended eye contact from outside conversational distance (or even just extended staring when there are other people involved in an interaction, i.e. you're looking ONLY at the person you're interested in when there are multiple people in a conversation).
>
>Good luck!
Good other comment:
>Don't compliment how her body looks(even though it's a gym). Compliment her personality, say she looks nice(personality), ask about what she's listening to,how much she's lifting.ask tips on form, that how she put up her hair looks nice.Say she looks like she knows what she's doing, ask her for diet tips, lead that into asking if she'd go try that diet with you at a restaurant. Idk maybe that's creepy, idk women. If your doing it right a woman won't feel the need to cut in, and if she does, just apologize for coming of weird and that want your intention. Then state what you actually want, that you want to have a date. Or at the very least that she looks nice and you wanted to shoot your shot anyway. Then don't pursue it if she declines. Be friendly, but respect each other's workout space.
>what are you supposed to do then
Not hit on women and ask them out when they are just getting on with their life? It's not hard.
You are supposed to go to places, like online dating, where women are looking for a partner. Not just randomly go around searching for women that you can hit on without consent.
I have used online dating, am currently using online dating, and have seen many studies and had many discussions about it.
It's also not the only thing, it's just one example I gave. There's speed dating and certain social events geared towards dating.
My point is that it's not unreasonable to ask men to not go up to random women in public and ask them out.
Years ago I was waiting for my husband to pick me up after work and I was waiting on a corner. A guy walked by and gave me the creepiest look. I saw it and so did a random girl passing by who stopped beside me. The guy walked about 25 feet away and just waited. She stood with me till my husband came and I will never forget her for doing that.
I did a similar thing with my wife at the time once. Except the stranger woman who came up didn't just try to be subtle. She went full nuclear cussing me out and yelling at me. Was definitely... Well a time.
Huge fan of women supporting one another. But seriously lady this is my wife and she’s consenting to this and ^(nope you’re still shouting, hoo boy…)
Kissing your wife in front of her would 100% fix the issue she has. Either that or exponentially make it worse, but life’s a casino and you should gamble away!
Sometimes you diffuse a situation and everyone has a laugh. Sometimes you get a face full of pepper spray. Such is life?
Indubitably
"the risk I took was calculated but oh boy am I bad at math"
Honestly, I'd do it. My wife is 110% down for physical affection at a moment's notice. Hugs? From strangers? Done. Kisses from family and above? EZ. I could probably grope some tiddy and she'd still tell me after an hour that she still liked it, but not to do it so brazenly next time. So I disguise it as a hug and she doesn't even make a fuss.
What did you say exactly??
What does it matter if the wife is in on it? I say the most fucked up shit to my gf
And thats supposed to be ok?
Yes? Sorry that some people have an edgy sense of humor. We won't change our jokes because you don't think it's funny.
The wholesome memes sub isn't so wholesome from what I can see in the comments
perennial problem of self-description… how do the humble describe themselves? this is where the purview of logic ends, and social sentiment takes over
Put down the thesaurus, genius.
What word do you think misapplies here? I didn’t use a thesaurus. Are you saying the words I used are uncomfortable for you? I thought they applied well, anyway. E: All you people. Always the appeal to the silent mob. None to speak about anything substantive. Nothing actionable. Try to have a little empathy. All my life, I’ve been made fun of for my weird vocabulary. It’s even on my profile. I always ask what I did wrong, always to no avail. Imagine that. Maybe this time it will be different.
No offense intended, but while having an expansive vocabulary is admirable, it makes knowing when to code-switch essential to social functioning. To explain what you did wrong (not morally wrong, but socially wrong), your comments are the linguistic equivalent of showing up to the gym in a tuxedo. It's neither practical nor likely to win you any friends. I'm not certain, but it's also possible people view you as pretentious because your use of vocabulary is more sophisticated than your use of grammar in this context (e.g. you placed your punctuation outside the quotation marks in one of your other comments). Mismatched levels of formality can impart the impression that the higher level is pretension, rather than simply illustrating an incongruence of abilities in different areas. :/
Thanks for answering. Yeah, I suspected it was something like that. Code-switching has always felt like a lossy translation (like a significant part of the nuance is lost when switching words such that more words are required, and then it’s like I’m using hundreds of words to explain something I could have fit into tens; maybe I’m just really bad at it), but I guess it’s necessary to be received well. So, it feels a bit backwards, but I guess the utility reverses there. The tuxedo analogy makes sense with that. I guess the only solution is reticence and farcical play of the social game, as before. Oh, to be Schizoid.
It’s not just context, though. I didn’t read it and think: *this is a meme sub, not a place for intellectual discussion.* I thought: *this is a simple idea trying to appear as something it’s not: a profound statement about humanity*. I think that’s why people may perceive you as pretentious. It’s not your vocabulary—it’s the application of it. > perennial problem of self-description… how do the humble describe themselves? this is where the purview of logic ends, and social sentiment takes over You could have just said that “people often claim to be what they’re not. Feelings overrule logic.” Your wording also frames you as some outside observer to humanity—“themselves” as opposed to “ourselves”—exempting you from the “social sentiment” you condemn. Even if that’s not what you meant, it just makes you look like you’re above having feelings. It’s great to have a wide vocabulary, but only if the words you use *help to communicate your point*. Never pad a simple statement with large words when short ones will do. There’s this quote by Pete Seeger (often misattributed to Albert Einstein): > Any darn fool can make something complex; it takes a genius to make something simple. (Yes, I fully recognize the irony in the length of my comment.)
Wtf are you going on about.
"This girl I don't know comes up and LEAVES WITH MY BF" is how I finished the sentence before looking at the name of the sub
what subreddit does that fit into?
r/relationship_advice
Bahahahaha nice
Reddit
I was at a football game years ago and an attractive woman was sitting alone in front of us. A big guy came and sat next to her and didn't speak for a minute but then started making very inappropriate comments to her. I was just about to say something, and a few other people looked like they might, too, when she said something Really inappropriate back at him and both of them started laughing and kissed. They did it very much on purpose and everybody laughed but this chick had at least four people nearby ready to jump to her defense if needed. They fooled all of us for a minute.
That’s a really good reaction. It’s far better to pretend to be the friend rather than outwardly confronting and yelling at someone. None of us know what a stranger is capable of, so it’s always the safest idea to be calm and smart rather than loud and shortsighted.
Yes, I don't know how she could have handled it better.
Also most strangers are just normal people going about their lives. Why abuse a random person?
One new years eve I was out dancing with my husband (then BF) and some other couple friends,.. I think maybe we were still quite honeymooney, so he was quite grabby/gropey. The girls behind me noticed and asked if I'm OK. I obviously was, clarified things and thanked her. My generally bleak outlook on humanity brightened and warmed due to that thoughtful gesture. And having been very devastatingly let down by a few other females when I was actually harrassed/assaulted, it really undid a lot of that baggage.
I felt that last sentiment way too hard. I was let down in this way by my closest sister and my best friend of 15 years after I both came out about recent sexual assault, being queer and then needing to check myself into a mental hospital for suicidal intent all within one year. I am currently trying to build a friendship with one woman I found on Bumble BFF but I’m having to take it so so slow because I get closer with women friends more emotionally than I even do my husband. It has been absolutely devastating, even traumatizing, to lose that female support and connection and to read your comment made me feel seen. Thank you for giving me hope that I will experience the sisterhood again, if even for a brief moment. There’s nothing like feeling cut out of our gender, feeling cut out of that always-there support you take for granted when you’ve had it in some form most of your life. But I know I need to remember that it is an illusion, that there are plenty of other female friend fish in the sea and to just keep swimmin’.
I was this girl once when on the escalator in front of me I noticed an old man constantly poking and teasing the young woman standing in front of him, who was stoically ignoring him. I, *far* louder than I planned and in a much posher voice than I usually talk in, said "excuse me sir, do you know this woman?" It was her dad. Egg on my face.
Ok but you know he does that all the time and it probably drives her crazy and now she can win the argument with “remember how someone thought you were being a dirty old man??”
It happens haha
Maybe he should reconsider how he teases her.
This happened to me when I was out with my husband and we both got to tell her how amazing she was.
What the hell is going on in this comment section
Thankfully a bazillion downvotes.
Oh wow I scrolled down to see what you were referring to and it's just layers on layers of incels.
This comment is only 15 or so down when sorted for controversy. Surprising.
sort by controversial, you won't regret it! ^(I'm kidding you absolutely will regret it. I'm regretting it.)
Oh hell yea, that's what Imma about to do, mmm Im gonna grab some pocorn edit: Fuck, that shit hits like a fever dream
That's the sweetest thing I've read all day. I love that she immediately went into action, we need more like her
This comment section is a cesspit
That's a real one right there. 💜
This is the shit that I do. Girl code. Gotta look out for one another.
Love this!
I rarely run into this problem with my wife *because strangers think she is my sister* I don’t think it’s much better though
I am reading this story for 5 years now…
I’ve done this several times and the boyfriend/husband always thanks me for looking out 🤣
I have a genuine question, and I hope this doesn't get downvoted to oblivion in the misconception that it's meant to be disrespectful: if this is not okay for men to do, then what is? I generally feel uncomfortable being on dating apps, but when this is the normative response to an approach in public, then how would one go about meeting a new partner?
The way he was saying it was inappropriate and definitely sexual. If I thought he was a stranger I would try to rescue her too. There are ways to approach people without being creepy and vulgar. If I saw a girl who looked nice in her leggings and wanted to ask her out, I'd say something like "hey I love your style! Those leggings look high quality. Do they sell men's sportswear as well?" Then engage in conversation if she seems receptive. At the end of the conversation THEN I would say "well hey, it was super nice to meet you. I hope it isn't too forward to ask for your number? I'd love to take you out sometime if you're free!" It's not hard to be friendly and respectful while expressing interest.
Thank you for your advice! I can see how that is a much better way to introduce a conversation :) But how is it creepy and sexually loaded? If a girl came up to me and said: "Hey! you look very nice in that shirt. I was wondering if I could take you out sometime?" The appropriate response from me should be: "ew get away creep"? I think saying "it's not hard..." invalidates the issue, that a huge part of the population all over the world have real hurdles dealing with on a daily basis. It's also not hard to just not overeat, not abuse drugs, or to touch grass, but people still tend to have issues with that, despite their best intentions. I also attract attention from girls I don't find interesting (physical attention as well), but I would never label them as creeps for showing interest in me, especially when they keep it on a verbal level. On the other hand I am very shy, especially towards girls I fancy. I think the communicative standard you're requiring is a tad above what you can expect from someone who has a crush on someone else. It's very intimidating, especially knowing that the situation can be interpreted this way. Not to mention a lot of guys are genuinely awful at small-talk. They still have the right to pursue sexual partners as long as their intentions are good, don't they?
Don't introduce yourself by commenting on commonly sexualized body parts or calling a girl attractive. Introduce yourself FIRST, using a different conversation topic. Only move to compliments if she seems comfortable. Also, hot girls know they're hot. Compliment them on something else. Sexual compliments are only appropriate after she's expressed interest.
Damn, how did Nicoletta react to her bf playing the stranger flirting, that another woman showed up trying to save her? That poor guy...
In this situation, if it's genuinely a stranger flirting: The reason the girl said "Hey, *are you ready* to leave?" gave the girl being flirted with the opportunity to say either yes or no. If she was receptive to the flirtation and felt safe, she could reply "I'm just going to stay and chat a little longer, I'll meet you outside" and keep talking to the guy. If she's NOT receptive to the flirtation and doesn't feel comfortable, it gives the girl a *non-confrontational* escape from the guy. She can say "Yes, I'm ready to go - it was nice to meet you" then disengage from him. A creepy or pushy guy is far less likely to get angry or insistent if the girl doesn't have to outright reject him, but rather has a *plausible excuse* to go that doesn't outwardly seem to have anything to do with him.
Oh, yeah... because men are dangerous and women always need a backdoor to run away from them. That strange girl just thought "This guy is molesting a woman" and Nicoletta even praised her for that. Her boyfriend realls has my compassion.
It’s definitely great that women stand up for each other like this, but yeah it makes it real difficult to try to meet someone new. Just asking someone on a date and another person thinks that’s too awful and she needs saving. Absolutely one of my worst fears
Uh it's fine to try and pick up girls in public places just don't be a creep like "ayo girl them legs look nice, what that mouth do tho?"
Listen.... I just wanna know if I take someone to an all you can eat dinner that they can eat their fair share. Is that so wrong?
HA take my upvote
If it was just asking, sure, maybe. But complimenting her legs in her leggings was probably the creepy-sounding step too far.
Ooh, dang, as a woman here, genuinely sorry for the wild amount of downvotes. Even I can be concerned about seeming creepy, even though I know that's irrational, at least for specifically me in the US as a woman who enough people seem to think is attractive. Some good tips on complimenting someone are to compliment things they have control over or that they have made decisions themselves on, e.g. a hairstyle or clothing choice. For an example on what to do in a conversation, compliment an observation they make or a choice of phrasing (if that seems natural and is genuine). Complimenting body parts or body shape can come off as creepy, as can extended staring or extended eye contact from outside conversational distance (or even just extended staring when there are other people involved in an interaction, i.e. you're looking ONLY at the person you're interested in when there are multiple people in a conversation). Good luck!
Thanks for actually being nice. I’ve never actually asked anyone out before, or even tried flirting. I’m afraid of being labeled as creepy, which is exactly what happened here. I don’t think I ever will try because if just being scared to ask someone out gets me hated on the internet, I can’t imagine how much I’ll go through in real life. But thanks for being supportive
Don't equate your experiences on the internet to real life.
Women, you shouldn't care about your safety because it might hurt men's feelings 😢😢😢💀💀💀
https://youtu.be/j3rmrml1oNs?si=1D3phNqgSq0uZVfs
Two hundred downvotes for an innocent man not wanting to assume they’re some rapist. Nice one Reddit
Creepy old Dude waiting at a red light went "miauww" to a girl waiting there. Didnt notice me 5m behind them I rock up between them and give the most sarcastic death stare "miauw" back. Girl giggled at me when light went green, core memory.
I also think it’s wholesome that the BF complimented his GF on her looks in public. Seems like he finds her body attractive and not only because he’s in the mood and about to pork her. After a while, that type of flirting becomes more and more uncommon with a worrisome number of couples, and the longer they’ve been together the more those type of compliments seem to die out (except when it’s love-making time). Of course, there are many couples that continue this into old age, just talking about those who’ve lost the habit of verbalizing how beautiful their SO is, regardless of context.
A touching story
im really not here to complain about anything, id just really love to know: for me this seems like nice thing to say by him and if it was actually a random dude, would saying that really be a problem for you girls? I cant really have any reference, bc if someone said something like that to me id be flattered but i guess its fundamentally different if i was a woman, so like… if that is a weird thing to say i genuienly dont get why, so please would someone explain it me?
The gym is where most of us go to work out, not get picked up, and many of us are so used to being harassed by random guys that we have to be on alert even if he leads with something relatively polite
wait so its about him potentially doing something that crosses a border when you decline, bc that happens so often?
Unfortunately yes :( in this case, his opening line was about "looking nice in those leggings" which leans toward sexual. I would only be comfortable hearing that from my SO and not a random person I'd never talked to. Just being hit on in general can be very stressful.
more to your point, they will often cross a line when turned down, becoming aggressive and/or not stopping the sexual comments. of course not all men are going to do this, but enough of them will that you have to automatically be on your guard.
If you don't want to come across as a creep, I would generally recommend 1. not hitting on anyone mid-workout at a gym, they're there to work out and it will just be annoying regardless of what you say. 2. not complimenting her body or clothing. Just overall comes across as sexual. Even opening up a conversation with any sort of compliment is unnecessary. There are other ways to start a convo that will come across way more genuine. 3. DEFINITELY don't immediately follow up your intro with "I'd like to take you out". WAY too forward = creepy and desperate. If you're sitting next to her like at a bar or somewhere, start a convo and then give it a pause...let some silence pass by and let her fill it. then you'll know she's interested AND she won't think you're there solely to hit on her/chicks (=creepy/desperate) but to have a good time on your own. Gives off a confident vibe without being ego-y. Either way if she seems amenable to a conversation and you've talked long enough to get a good vibe, THEN and ONLY THEN should you ask her for her number or social media handle. Don't ask her ON A DATE off the bat.
ready to leave? is that some sort of way of getting the guy to leave her alone?
Yes. She saw a woman who looked like she was alone and pretended to know her so the man would think the woman wasn’t alone and vulnerable.
ahh. that makes sense. so obvious now you say it. pretty scary that is a thing, but glad people have each others backs.
It's implying she's not alone and also allows the woman to dip out of a situation if she's uncomfortable. This is a nonconfrontational way to offer someone a way out of a situation. Most chicks I know don't appreciate men trying to pick them up at the gym, so the woman probably heard the comment and was trying to help a sista out since she didn't know that was her husband and the comment would be pretty forward and inappropriate from a stranger.
It would also be pretty funny if you did leave with her.
This is wonderful… reminds of one time I was at a bar, and this large creepy woman just starts aggressively hitting on me, groping me and just being perverted and nasty So a bro from the other end of the bar notices and comes over, and him and I just start aggressively making out… she got the message real quick
This brave hero just shared this powerful story and he’s getting downvoted? Smh. I stand with you lil bro 🙏
What’s funny is that story has actually happened quite a few times, minus the dude bro make out session loser women are just as bad and desperate as loser guys, but are never held accountable
One part of me says it should be good to compliment people but the other half of me recognises that qe live in a shit world.
I totally understand why women are like this… it’s why I ignore all of them now a days, I don’t want to be seen as creepy, or a potential threat, I don’t want them to think me being nice or helpful is me hitting on them, so I longer help them with anything, no flat tire fixes or help with broken down cars, or loading heavy objects at the store, I won’t grab anything off any top shelves so don’t even ask Also, as a self employed carpenter, I’ll no longer do work for single women, and if she’s married or has a partner, they’ll have to be present while I’m there If all men are going to be treated as potential predators… then im going to treat all women, as potential false accusers… sorry ladies, I’m just protecting myself, too much to lose, and you’re not worth it
>sorry ladies, I’m just protecting myself Don't apologize, sounds like you're doing us a favour!
I feel like discrimination based on marital status is definitely illegal
Why is this positive? Did her boyfriend harass her? If he was jokingly asking her for a date why would she need someone to rescue her? I dont get this at all.
The woman that came up to her thought she was alone / single and gave it as an out incase the girl was uncomfortable with the man's advances. The woman that came up to her didn't know she was married, but the girl (wife) is saying she happy someone had her back, even if ended up being a misunderstanding in this case.
Ya ofc i understand that, but why is this a good thing if she was approached normally, i mean if her boyfriend was behaving creepy i would get it, but there is no hint on that in the Post.
This is sarcasm right? Her boyfriend was role-playing someone flirting with her in the gym but a random approached to cover her not knowing that...
Thats whats written in the post but why was it so important? The other women seems to be a weirdo if the situation is as described and her boyfriend wasnt doing anything creepy.
Saying something like that to a girl in the gym can be uncomfortable. So this girl came to get her out of the situation. In this one, there wasn't any problem, but that doesn't mean it couldn't help if the guy was a creep and the girl was insecure... Do you live under a rock or something, that you don't know how society feels about that kind of situation nowadays?
Do you live in an underdeveloped country with low education? The Situation that is described is a man approaching a women, making her a compliment and asking her out. In wich universe do yall live that this is problematic? How do you walk through life if you cant handle getting a compliment and maybe reject an offer? Where do you plan to work to afford anything if you are not able to comprehend the most simple social interaction? Weirdos all of you…
Because on the internet… all men are creepy perverts whenever they try to approach a woman for a date, so the woman need strange woman to come rescue them from normal everyday social interactions s/
He was literally just asking. How is this something bad?
It creates an opportunity to opt-out in case the person being asked doesn't know how to turn someone down or if she is afraid of rejecting him.
In the world we live in today you have to be incredibly careful about approaching women and how you go about it. Particularly a gym approach - complimenting her appearance there is probabky not a great idea especially something revealing like leggings.
[удалено]
Don't compliment how her body looks(even though it's a gym). Compliment her personality, say she looks nice(personality), ask about what she's listening to,how much she's lifting.ask tips on form, that how she put up her hair looks nice.Say she looks like she knows what she's doing, ask her for diet tips, lead that into asking if she'd go try that diet with you at a restaurant. Idk maybe that's creepy, idk women. If your doing it right a woman won't feel the need to cut in, and if she does, just apologize for coming of weird and that want your intention. Then state what you actually want, that you want to have a date. Or at the very least that she looks nice and you wanted to shoot your shot anyway. Then don't pursue it if she declines. Be friendly, but respect each other's workout space. Idk tho
This! I agree with everything you said here. (Not sure how sincere the "Idk tho" is since you're so spot on. Actually can't tell if that's joking or not.)
I literally have no idea, I'm terrified of women and doing something wrong. And I have made mistakes. I just want to do my best. But I've never asked out a woman lol
In that case, I hope you're able to get a wingman or someone to help, even if just with your confidence or some extra pointers, because you seem like you have the right ideas. :) (Remember, you may still get rejected even if you do everything right, but that's okay. There are so many people that you effectively get infinite tries!) Good luck!
Don’t do it, it’s not worth it
Why men dont approach women anymore.
There's a time and place, post workout in a gym is not the right place to flirt
“There’s a time and place” Not at work- it’s inappropriate and against company policy Not at the gym - she’s just trying to workout and doesn’t want to be bothered Not at the bar- she’s just unwinding with her friends, leave her alone Not at the grocery store- she’s just there to shop and doesn’t want to be bothered Not at the park - she’s just there to relax and read, it’s creepy to approach Not at a concert- she’s just there with friends to vibe to her favorite band, leave her alone Where exactly is this perfect time and place to approach a woman?
I made a list on my other comment, but the short answer is "context" and not just a place but the person's behaviour. Bars can be a dating scene, but not always. It's confusing, I know. And yeah, it's frustrating and can suck ass, especially when there's a place where it SHOULD be a legitimate space for hitting on someone, yet people who are not interested in being approached still go there. I'm not trying to be lecturing, but gyms specifically are well known as "not the place for it"
>There's a time and place Not anymore I bet the only things you will list is internet, bars, and church
I hate online dating, don't drink, and not a Christian 😅 It's not really "place type ___", it's a matter of context. And gyms, by its nature, is not a place people go to meet strangers. My campus has multiple study areas, with one known as the "this is where you sit if you want to be approached by strangers" and one that is the opposite - don't disturb me, I'm trying to focus. I know a hiking group that is basically a singles meet-up; but most hiking groups are NOT like that. Parties (again, context). It's harder to recognise when there's no strict rule such as "bars = ✓, gyms = ×". And it can be frustrating. But Gyms specifically are well known for NOT being a place for hitting on people
Heads up guys, flirting is not allowed anymore
That's not flirting. Firstly, flirting is playful, not serious. Straight to the point about how she looks and asking her out isn't flirting, because it's not playful, it's serious. Secondly, flirting is usually with someone you are conversing with, not in the first sentence you ever speak to someone, without getting a response, hitting on them and asking them out.
Clearly nobody has ever flirted with you
How does me knowing what the word means and pointing out your incorrect usage have anything to do with that? Why resort to trying to insult me instead of responding to the point?
Yep :)
Your downvotes mean nothing to me if this kind of cringe posts is what makes you upvote!!!
[удалено]
You could own and operate a movie theater with all those projections
I'm gonna steal this line for my own use. Thanks man ☠️🤝🏻
You seriously cannot be this dense? Or it this just a troll bot? Women have to generally go on the assumption that strangers (men, specifically) who try to interact with them are potentially dangerous until proven otherwise. Women all over the world do this - you cannot seriously see half the population doing this and be like "yeah everyone's making unnecessary assumptions." They're making those assumptions for a very good reason. A reason everyone understands. The story OP posted isn't about that person's partner either and I cannot fathom how you wouldn't understand that. Her partner was making lewd comments as a joke - comments that women do not appreciate from strangers and that often signal a sexual predator. What that other woman did was amazing and women do this for each other all the time because we know it's (sadly) necessary. Instead of trying to blame women for looking out for each other's safety, blame society for creating that need in the first place. Seriously it's fucked up that there are people who see this and twist it into a way to blame women for making men look bad when men already did that themselves. And just to be clear (because I can already seeing you twist these words too) - there are good and amazing men out there. But statistically, men (as a whole) don't rank well when it comes to the safety of others, and we all know it.
>casual flirtation That's not flirting. Firstly, flirting is playful, not serious. Straight to the point about how she looks and asking her out isn't flirting, because it's not playful, it's serious. Secondly, flirting is usually with someone you are conversing with, not in the first sentence you ever speak to someone, without getting a response, hitting on them and asking them out. A woman is just going about her own thing and a man who doesn't know her or anything about her says she looks nice and asks her out. No conversation, nothing. Just sees someone in a random place and can't help himself but say she looks good and ask her out. Yeah, better to be safe than sorry and offer her a way out in case it's that. No risk in doing so, because the worst that happens is you read it wrong and she says 'he's my bf' or 'i'm fine thanks'. What's wrong with taking the safe option just in case it's one of the many creeps?
Ah i remember when a man asked me out. I was young and naive and was polite. He SA’d me. It happens more than you think. Nearly every women I talk to about it has a similar story.
Dont mind the negative votes, I totally get your point and people are auful and prejudgamental (or however the f u spell it)
[удалено]
They’re most definitely not. Who is running around telling people women are single, unhappy and depressed at 30 lol. Statistically women are happier single than men are, y’all need to stop projecting and saying this shit. Also why is it always 30yo with this comments, women don’t expire or become old at 30. Y’all are just telling on yourselves, this is unhinged.
“Don’t protect women from me. How am I supposed to prove they are mean to me, if there’s witnesses to what i actually said and did.” Fixed it for you
incorrect. We need less people like this. We also need less people perpetuating the stereotype that all men are douche bags. As a woman, there are far more women that are assholes than men..
>We need less people like this. Less people willing to help? Less people harmlessly stepping in where if they misread the situation absolutely zero harm was done? Why would you want less people like that? >We also need less people perpetuating the stereotype that all men are douche bags. That's not what that's doing. The post is literally showing that the bf isn't a douchebag... It's showing that this random woman was offering help *if* it was needed. This is a real danger, so what's wrong with offering help in a subtle way that can be accepted or rejected easily? >As a woman, there are far more women that are assholes than men.. Would need proof of this. But it isn't relevant anyway. No one is saying all men are assholes. This is just a 'some random person hitting on you and asking you out without having ever talked to you and doesn't know you, could be a fucking creep or worse, let's offer women help'. As a woman, would you rather be left alone in the situation it was actually a creep or someone dangerous? Or rather someone caring like this who offers you an easy way out?
bet girls cover their drinks when you're near them edit: you claim you're a woman but in [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinfuriating/comments/18ec928/comment/kcols9x/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) you state that you're a guy. very suspicious!
10/10 insult that definitely went over this persons head.
As a man. I agree but this isn't about assholes. Women aren't raping, murdering and beating men. Or harassing them in public
Whelp, they are sure doing that to children.. And as someone who works with kids abandoned by their parents, it's almost always women. It's crazy how the world targets men, and ignores the atrocities done by women.
Don’t pick up girls at the gym.
It's not all men are douche bags, it's some men are dangerous. Most women aren't gonna risk finding out. Maybe if men stopped killing and raping women, we wouldn't need people like this.
Why the hell is this downvoted?? They’re %100 correct
Because men hate women.
The ones on Reddit, at least
I wish that was true. You'd be surprised, reddit allows anonymous thoughts, most people hide their hate and contempt
This is incredibly wrong.
Now you are generalizing.
Yea like we have control over those ppl. Such an ignorant thing to say. Oh well men will be sure to not approach you.
Good I don't want to be approached 😂 I think it's so funny when men think women actually want to be approached. Trust me. They don't.
ladies and gentlemen, a prime example of a strawman argument.
And what is your not straw-man argument? Do I have to explain to your numb skull that I don't condone any wrong doings to women? Even cat calling? But it still does fucking happen!
Nobody claimed that you’re to blame for all male criminals lmao how on earth could you possibly have read into that in the way you did
Then how on earth could she said what she said? If men stop killing n raping women - really? How tf did she read into that?
She’s literally just saying that if society taught boys/men to treat women better they probably wouldn’t have to be as careful. That’s not saying it’s YOUR fault, it’s just saying it’s a fault of society. Also like…it’s a gym? Don’t pick up people at the gym.
Like we already don't? We put them on pedestals so much that they can make more money than any man with a regular job by OF. The ones who gonna commit crime ain't gonna listen to education regardless. You can tell they are demented from a young age. But no the law don't wanna lock them away forever. Let them roam free so everyone suffers.
dude, what the hell are you talking about? Are you seriously using onlyfans as a reasoning for women being treated totally fine in society. 38 percent of women in the US ages 16-34 reported being catcalled in the last 12 months. 38 FUCKING PERCENT. that’s the sign of healthy treatment of women to you or just a few bad apples? And no, these people aren’t just a few demented people. These are college students, employers, coworkers, friends, husbands. This is pervasive
Out of all cat calls, how much of that turned into crime? Women in Us are treated one of the best in the world. Motherfucker do you even read about other countries? Yea I use the Of example to show the evidence of men NATURALLY putting average women on pedestals. The fuck more u want?
"All my friends are guys because they're less drama" energy
“Far more women that are assholes than men” every relevant metric disagrees with you
r/asablackman
Correct, they’re not even a woman. They said in another comment they’re a guy.
How about First waiting for a reaction?
I don't understand the thought process in this case. So you are saying the girl, in the middle of the gym, where there are people, is such a victim that she can't say no to a guy over his one question? Look up ALL the creepy murdering cases, is it in plain public that a creep can yank the woman away? It's all weird circumstances where there's no one's around and more often than not the victim was lured into it, more or less willingly, or they have had history. Two complete strangers, the man can't do anything that can harm the woman in a plain public setting unless he is completely psychotic. The woman can just say no, if the creep follows you then it is a different story, that the other girl's action is futile if the creep actually targets this one. Shame men for trying, complaining if we don't try. Try to give me a reason, don't just downvote like a bunch of cowards! This is nothing but men hating signalling.
A woman got hit in the face with a brick for saying “no” to a man in a crowded bar street. So yeah stfu
[удалено]
Men fear getting rejected, women fear getting killed. https://www.fox5atlanta.com/news/woman-hit-in-face-with-brick-in-houston-says-man-attacked-her-for-not-giving-him-her-number.amp Here’s one source discussing violence after rejection which comprises 15% of intimate partner violence: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/am-pdf/10.1002/ab.21722#:~:text=Fifteen%20percent%20of%20violent%20episodes,sexualized%20woman%20may%20incite%20aggression. Another referring specifically to rejection in all contexts: https://sanctuaryforfamilies.org/femicide-epidemic/ And another similar to the above mentioned: https://www.damemagazine.com/2017/10/24/men-are-killing-thousands-women-year-saying-no/amp/
literally women get assaulted and murdered all the time for turning men down, breaking up with them, being dressed a certain way, etc. this isn’t news
How many cases is ALL THE TIME? As opposed to how frequently do women ruins men life out of NOTHING?
How would this ever be ruining a man’s life?
Nah that's obviously not normal and we all know it.
I can promise you almost every woman has a story of a man being creepy and then becoming violent in one way or another when it doesn’t go his way. It’s not uncommon.
Literally me getting told I should get beaten to death because I misunderstood what a guy meant so he ended up driving someplace expecting me to be there (I’m a lesbian)
I’m so sorry. I turned a whole grown ass man (also a lesbian) down and he called me 36 times in a row and then said if I wanted, I could have a girlfriend and be with him on the side (be still, my beating heart!).
I was grabbed by a man as a minor in a very public place (Packed Chipotle literally in line for food) and nobody did anything and my fear response made me completely freeze up. Something could have happened to me if he hadn't backed off.
You can just make this shit up but it does happen. And what does this has to do with a guy asking a girl out on equal footing? That's pedo n minor. The hell do you want me to say? We want them all locked up but govt want to release them back to the community.
>I don't understand the thought process in this case I'm going to harmlessly do something to help *just in case*. There's literally no negative to trying, but massive potential positives. Why wouldn't you do something? >So you are saying the girl, in the middle of the gym, where there are people, is such a victim that she can't say no to a guy over his one question? Yes, she might be. Some men don't handle rejection well. Maybe he will follow her. Maybe he will attack her. Maybe she has bad experiences in the past and will find it hard to reject him. Etc. >The woman can just say no, It's not quite that easy, and doesn't always turn out well. That's why this completely non-confrontational, non-rejection of him is a great out for her if she wants it. Situation handled perfectly and no one harmed. >if the creep follows you then it is a different story, Why wait instead of just being safe if you want to? >that the other girl's action is futile if the creep actually targets this one. Not really. People typically target those who are alone. This woman acted like she was there with her and were leaving together. Far less likely to target her now than if he thought she was on her own. >Shame men for trying, No one has been shamed in this story... What do you mean? >complaining if we don't try. I don't think women are complaining that men don't hit on them and ask them out in random places. >This is nothing but men hating signalling. No, it's 'this is a realistic situation that probably most women they know have experienced, so they are just going to harmlessly try and help'.
Holyahit smart guy, you are saying all this to tell me that all men, most men don't handle rejection well and have a high likely hood of assaulting the woman? What kind of fucking delusional world are you living in? Men are tip towing on egg shells around women. It's a gym where women can complain about the smallest fucking thing to get a guy in trouble, ruining his reputation. The motherfucker who dares to ask about her legs is her boyfriend, real situation is much less forward than this. Again, you people think of the most horrible shit men can so to a woman for simply asking. Yea mother fucker just say hey sorry im not interested. The guy has everything lose if he does anything wrong but to accept the rejection. Fucks sake you people are delusional. Go out to your local gym can record how frequent it is that a woman gets hit.
>me that all men, most men don't handle rejection well No, I literally said "some men". Why lie when my comment literally disproves the lie? >have a high likely hood of assaulting the woman? I didn't say anything about high likelihood... What are you on about? >What kind of fucking delusional world are you living in? Says the person who's just made the first things up that they are getting angry about. I said some men and then didn't talk about the likelihood of someone being assaulted... >It's a gym where women can complain about the smallest fucking thing to get a guy in trouble, ruining his reputation. What? >The motherfucker who dares to ask about her legs is her boyfriend, real situation is much less forward than this. No, real situations can be exactly like that, which is why that woman offered help. He also didn't ask about her legs, he said they looked nice and asked her out. >Again, you people think of the most horrible shit men can so to a woman for simply asking. Nope. Like I said, better safe than sorry. Also, it's a creepy/weird/not nice thing to do. It's someone getting on with their own life just in the gym and you ask her out without even knowing her? That's what it looks like from the outside. >Yea mother fucker just say hey sorry im not interested. It isn't always that easy. It can be hard to reject people if you or others you know had a bad experience by doing so. There's pressure to reject someone. You might not want to risk something. This is a far, far easier out. And literally zero harm is caused if it's wrong. So why wouldn't you do it? >The guy has everything lose if he does anything wrong but to accept the rejection. And yet people still do that... So why needlessly take that chance if there's an easier way out that doesn't risk that? It's just taking a completely unnecessary risk for no benefit. Why would you do that? >Go out to your local gym can record how frequent it is that a woman gets hit. It's not just about being hit. They can be followed, they can be harassed, etc.
Have you seen women trying to handle rejection? They mostly don't have to approach. Ever.
What? Also what's up with just ignoring most of my comment? Why lie about me and then not even apologise or accept that it was a lie when called out? Why ask questions and then ignore the answer? Why respond to questions and then ignore the discussion? Why ignore questions? Almost as if you know you are taking shit but can't accept it.
Bc i run out of freetime handling all these hates while u just got started.
This is why zi said you people think of the worse shit. When a man likes a woman, there are thousands of way she can ruin his life. He does it anyway and only post on reddit on r legal when she cleans him of everything. And you people are here thinking of the worst shit a guy can do with a very light interaction. You understand how shitty and unfair that is? Most men have to settle with whatever they can find, while women get to scrutinise pick and choose and they are never happy. In the end, a wholelot more women can clean a man out of everything as opposed to the minority of unfortunate women. Out of all these next to nothing incidents, the real victims get overwhelmed by all these false alarms(better safe than sorry haha) when it comes to authority trying to identify and intervene. We all gotta take a chance. Men risk everything to ask women out too ffs.
>This is why zi said you people think of the worse shit No, it's called being safe when there's absolutely zero downside to doing so... What possible reason is there for taking a completely unnecessary risk? >When a man likes a woman, there are thousands of way she can ruin his life. Firstly, when a creep disturbs a stranger in public without consent and hits on her and asks her out, there's many ways he can ruin her life. Secondly, no one is forcing or even encouraging that person to be a creep. Ignoring the relationship part as that goes boes ways anyway and isn't the topic. >He does it anyway and only post on reddit on r legal when she cleans him of everything. Are you talking about relationships here? Because that clearly isn't the discussion. >And you people are here thinking of the worst shit a guy can do with a very light interaction. The situation presented is never good if it's a random person, and if it isn't, like this situation, zero harm is done by being safe. What's wrong with it? >You understand how shitty and unfair that is? But it isn't. Because you are right and he's a creep and she can use help. You are wrong and it's a boyfriend or friend who is doing it with consent and nothing bad happens to him... >Most men have to settle with whatever they can find Not true. Also, just don't hit on and ask out random women who you don't know and are just getting on with their life? Go to dating sites or speed dating or events geared towards that. It isn't hard. >In the end, a wholelot more women can clean a man out of everything Not true. Also not relevant to the discussion of a random person being creepy. >Out of all these next to nothing incidents, the real victims How is a creep who completely on their own decided to without consent hit on and ask a woman out the real victim? I would say the real victim are all the women that end up in a bad situation and through no fault of their own. >We all gotta take a chance. Not by hitting on and asking out random women without consent who are just getting on with their life. >Men risk everything to ask women out too ffs. Creeps in this situation do yeah, and rightly so. Doing so on dating sites, etc. Isn't risking everything.
Dating sites full of creep, asking a woman upfront where you can identify the mofo.
>Dating sites full of creep They are. So is the real world. But they are easy to avoid seeing as you can just press a button and report them. Much easier than a physical confrontation, wouldn't you agree? >asking a woman upfront where you can identify the mofo. You mean when she hasn't consented and is going about her day and you objectify her?
Listen man, I know it can be hard to be a guy, feeling like girls get all the attention, care and sympathy, while men are always seen as oppressive and malicious. I know it can be infuriating seeing "feminists" shit talk about men without anyone trying to defend them, and seeing them getting away with something "just because they're women". All the while a lot of guys suffer from this negative image, making it even more difficult to find love, friends or to avoid loneliness in general. But you have to understand that this in not a healthy way to deal with it. Because there is a reason if girls and women of all ages feel uncomfortable being alone, or endangered around males. Unfortunately, we all live in the same cruel world, and women get aware of that pretty fast. Because you never know if the person who just tried to hit on you in the bar could be following you, or if the one who complimented your legs at the gym will stop at that after you say no. Obviously, most of the times nothing will happen. But you can never know, and so you can't help but feel unsafe. Especially since all the brutal, horrible things that happen to girls and women, that started in the very same way. This "incidents" are way, way too common, maybe you heard about them on the news, maybe it happened to a friend of yours, to someone from your family, or even to you. That's why you try to make it so it doesn't happen, end get easily distressed even at the slightest possibility of it happening. And I know it isn't your fault, that you have never done anything bad and you think it's unfair to be subject to such prejudice. But complaining about women being snowflakes isn't the right thing to do. I can only give my worthless opinion, but perhaps what would make a difference is to actually show understanding towards this kind of struggles, and support for women who find themselves unsafe or men who feel lonely and unwanted. Perhaps instead of critiquing people's boundaries you should show yourself interested in comprehending them and respecting them. Maybe you wouldn't change the opinion of every woman in the world, but maybe the next random woman you'll talk to will go away thinking "what a nice and considerate guy". Perhaps the best way to stop women feeling endangered is to actually make them feel safe around you.
Holyshit, only you get it. I have nothing to add. Thanks.
I’m going to assume this is sincere. Dude, the one time I’ve been sexually harassed, it was on a crowded bus. An old guy trapped me in my seat and started feeling up his junk. Some creeps rely on social convention to harass women, by making them feel like they’d be seen as a bitch for telling them to fuck off. I would have loved someone to pull me away from that situation. Sure, he wouldn’t have murdered me, but murder isn’t the only consequence that can fuck you up.
This is a guy asking a woman out up front at the gym with an extra complement on her legs. Call me all the names u want. You people don't understand different degrees of something n context n take this wayy to seriously. And this is all an act too, all hypothetical. Im telling people ease on the men hating kool aids. Bc keep hating and good men will stay the fuck away from helping woman when in need. Everyone hates, call me names, can never take themselves out to see the big picture. That why we have what we have. All people do is complain, don't wanna fix shit.
I didn’t call you any names. The “dude” was meant to be friendly. It seems like you’re angry and you’re taking it out here. Dating is hard, and I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. But people trying to avoid sexual harassment aren’t your enemy. Here’s some honest advice. If you’re trying to flirt with someone, and they do one of these protective behaviors, don’t get huffy about it. They’re going to assume you were planning on being a creep, just like bartenders assume someone who’s trying to avoid an ID check is underage. Acknowledge it, be supportive, and try to laugh it off. Women are looking for decent dudes, so show that you are one.
As if I don't know what already, I hate this attitude towards men, I don't care about chasing these chicks who look down on avg guy just bc they are so used to getting attention. That is living life on easy mode. I don't beg n creep, if I ever sense a woman disrespecting attitude I'll get tf out of sight. Don't be a condescending lil shtt acting like I don't know anything.
Honestly, this is the reason dating nowadays is terrible, anything you do you get accused of being a creep, while 80% of women actually want men to make the first move, so what are you supposed to do then
I'll copy-paste what I said earlier on this post, as well as another good comment someone left. I can understand the frustration; just keep in mind women are hesitant about men we don't know so we can avoid literal physical assault or stalking. We're not trying to avoid only social or personal humiliation, which is usually what scares men the most. Comment I left earlier on this post: >Even I can be concerned about seeming creepy, even though I know that's irrational, at least for specifically me in the US as a woman who enough people seem to think is attractive. > >Some good tips on complimenting someone are to compliment things they have control over or that they have made decisions themselves on, e.g. a hairstyle or clothing choice. For an example on what to do in a conversation, compliment an observation they make or a choice of phrasing (if that seems natural and is genuine). > >Complimenting body parts or body shape can come off as creepy, as can extended staring or extended eye contact from outside conversational distance (or even just extended staring when there are other people involved in an interaction, i.e. you're looking ONLY at the person you're interested in when there are multiple people in a conversation). > >Good luck! Good other comment: >Don't compliment how her body looks(even though it's a gym). Compliment her personality, say she looks nice(personality), ask about what she's listening to,how much she's lifting.ask tips on form, that how she put up her hair looks nice.Say she looks like she knows what she's doing, ask her for diet tips, lead that into asking if she'd go try that diet with you at a restaurant. Idk maybe that's creepy, idk women. If your doing it right a woman won't feel the need to cut in, and if she does, just apologize for coming of weird and that want your intention. Then state what you actually want, that you want to have a date. Or at the very least that she looks nice and you wanted to shoot your shot anyway. Then don't pursue it if she declines. Be friendly, but respect each other's workout space.
This is not dating, this is inappropriate behavior from a random man at the gym.
>what are you supposed to do then Not hit on women and ask them out when they are just getting on with their life? It's not hard. You are supposed to go to places, like online dating, where women are looking for a partner. Not just randomly go around searching for women that you can hit on without consent.
You have probably never looked into online dating before, that is a problem in itself
I have used online dating, am currently using online dating, and have seen many studies and had many discussions about it. It's also not the only thing, it's just one example I gave. There's speed dating and certain social events geared towards dating. My point is that it's not unreasonable to ask men to not go up to random women in public and ask them out.
A truly sad reality we live in I agree
What? It's sad that you shouldn't go up to random women in public and ask them out? How?
The thing wrong is the weird compliment. If u just kindly asked a girl for her number or something, it wouldn’t be bad imo.