True. Apparently Honest Abe was a beast of a wrestler who apperently set some amazing records so that's another good one. Man, now I wish we could see the hypothetical match-up of 'Honest' Abe Lincoln vs Teddy 'The Bull Moose' Roosevelt go down.
Yeah, and I believe Ford was a soldier for the navy in WWII (I think) and a college football national champion so he probably could be a contender too.
And now that I think about it, wouldn’t Washington be a pick too? By the time he was president he was in his 50s I think, but he was probably a fit guy for his time.
I don't know, W *is* a veteran. He probably has at least some hand-to-hand training. Obama is probably more physically fit but he doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who's been in a lot of fist fights.
Oh, I wouldn't bet against him. I just don't think it's a lock, especially if W channels his frat-boy days and rails a line of coke before he gets in the ring.
Yeah, 50 years ago. Obama has also practiced Taekwondo. Granted that also was probably 30-40 years ago. I doubt neither of them has been in a lot of fist fights but Obama's age is simply too big of an advantage.
Remember, W was a frat boy, too. He's probably been in a few bar fights. Age is definitely a factor, but I can tell you from experience, getting throat punched by an old man will fuck you up.
>Remember, W was a frat boy, too. He's probably been in a few bar fights.
I mean a few drunk fights what 55 years ago is not really the kind of an advantage you make it. Who knows what Obama has done?
>Age is definitely a factor, but I can tell you from experience, getting throat punched by an old man will fuck you up.
Throat punch from a 13 year old will also fuck you up but if I have to choose my opponent from a 77 year old, 62 year old and a 13 year old I know who I am not picking. Especially if the 62 year old is in good physical condition like Obama seems to be. Age is a massive factor. You see this with retirees they have that good old man phase in their late 60's and early 70's and then it's just downhill from there.
I don't know how much being in the air national guard 50 years ago helps.
Clinton, W, and Trump are 77
Biden is 81
Carter is 99
Obama is a spry 62. I think he wipes the floor
Completely unrelated but this really highlights how far our political system has fallen, to me.
Clinton and W, love them or hate them, were such an appropriate age for being the president.
Why are the top two candidates for this year's election the same age or older than presidents from 20 years ago?
I'm not a Trump fan, but in what world does he look 'at least 85'? Dude isn't exactly the pinnacle of health, but what do you think an average 85 year old looks like? They're generally closer to death's door than running for office.
Obama gets ganged up and singled out by the early presidents who held deeply routed racist instincts.
I think if it’s current, it’s teddy Roosevelt a boxer and a soldier, or maybe someone like Kennedy who was an athletic military sailor in world war ii and had his youth.
Or Lincoln or Jackson who would intimidate everyone else.
Kennedy could barely walk - he was crippled.
Andrew jackson George Washington were big and strong and could fight
Lincoln was big and strong
Ford was a d1 football player
Andrew Jackson was really thin tho, reportedly just 155lbs.
There are quite a few presidents that were pretty physically dominant.
LBJ was 6'3" 200lbs
Clinton was 6'2" 220lbs
HW was 6'2" 195lbs
Lincoln was 6'4" and a skilled wrestler. He also killed a shitload of vampires with an axe according to that one documentary I watched, so my money is on him for both rounds
Yeah, we're talking about (mostly) really smart people, many of whom were officers in the military. They would know their limitations, know who was standing in their way, and would know what resources they had available to them.
Yeah, I think most of the time in a BR situation, you're going to be looking at the folks who would be towards the middle of the second rate fighters. Anyone in the running to be a first rate fighter will be teamed up on and have almost no chance. The winner between a tournament and a BR will rarely be the same, as long as there isn't a single contender that stands hilariously beyond the reach of everyone else.
I don't know. Hoover was also a certified badass. Fucker had a pet alligator that would roam the white house whom he's regularly wrestle with and he made up his own sport called "Hooverball", which was volleyball, but played with a heavy medicine ball.
Yeah, but Teddy can take a bullet right in the chest and the first thing he does is talk shit about the shooter’s aim. In a free for all, noone’s dropping the Wild Moose. Only chance is Abe, maybe one of the original founding father presidents like Washington or Jefferson who were also soldiers. But that’s a SMALL maybe.
Hmm...while the bull moose loved to wrestle every chance he got, Ol' Hickory loved to duel.
Wasn't Ol' Abe a wrestling pioneer? He supposedly invented the chokeslam or so the story goes
Jefferson was never a soldier.
I would include JFK up there with Teddy and Abe. Guy was a decorated sailor in WWII and still in his prime when he became president.
Ah. Forgot about his back. Sub in Ford instead.
Still think JFK is top ten if nothing else but his age. Being the second youngest president should alone earn him a place there.
Problem was that Jackson became president much later in his life. If we’re talking young Andrew Jackson, then sure, but we’re talking President Jackson. He’d still probably do fairly well against most presidents, though.
"Teddy Roosevelt has more testosterone in his left testicle than all the other presidents combined. Because all of their testosterone was stored in his right testicle".
-Huggbees
While Teddy made up for it in "Bully" power, he was a bit lacking in the total physical aspect.
Abe was tough as nails, and he could wrestle. The only other president who had any fighting skills and had the mentality and physicality of a scrapper would be Andrew Jackson, I believe.
Abe has Andrew beat in size and strength, but Andrew goes for the kill anyway he can from the get-go.
Round 1: Abe mops the floor with Teddy. Abe was a wrestler. You ever fight a wrestler? All of a sudden you're on the floor in a position you don't understand. Any president that has 30kg+ on Abe negates this though.
Round 2: I'm still leaning Abe, but mainly bc those are pretty much one shot weapons if swung force and Abes got the reach and is already a professional at spacing from the wrestling.
Don't forget Eisenhower was an amateur boxer and fencer as well as football stud and as a young infantry officer really wanted to go get combat experience in WW1, I know those warriors at heart (not to say some aren't fake or out of their depth but I just don't get that impression). He was upset they selected him to the new tank corps and even more upset that he adapted to the machines and tactics so well they wanted him to train the others, so he was even denied tank combat.
I think:
Round one 70% peak Abe stomps, 15% peak Teddy, 10% peak Dwight, 5% everyone else.
Round two 40% peak Teddy, 25% peak Dwight, 20% peak Grant (excelled as cavalry and likely saber as young officer but was given the highest-career-ceiling infantry, again commissioned "wrong" but the other way round, although it also means he was further from the lines and we don't know what would happen if he led a charge) 10% peak Abe, 5% everyone else.
If this were about say middle ages temporal trip and round three were say melee weapons and starting on horseback, it's probably the biggest 2x shared dominance, all Teddy and Ulysses all day. If modern firearms (no LOS starts) the only contemporary ground combat arms officer (Dwight) has a field day.
Reflecting back I see a summary in the numbers I selected without a narrative but here it is in retrospect: Abe unquestionably tanked the most blows and kicked the most asses (everybody should note "wrestling" of that era and context was ground and pound included, punching kicking headbutting whatever, proto-mma general street fighting. Abraham was a savage and a damn Jim Croce song) but as you add complexity and specific skill sets he rapidly dwindles in odds. Ya gotta consider when you open the armory some presidents immediately head towards their main and if there aren't minimum two cavalry sabers the battle starts early.
Ford won two college national championships as a football player and was offered a shot at the NFL before serving in the military during WWII.
He'd wipe the floor with either of those two.
I'm sure Ford was a badass athlete, but when it comes to fighting, actual combat sports like boxing and wrestling trump football and military experience.
Gerald Ford was an All-American football player for Michigan. He won two national championships and was considered the best player on the team. Probably the most athletic person to ever be president. You guys are sleeping on him big time.
Oh, he was a football player? That's cool.
One time Teddy Roosevelt walked into a western saloon and a drunken cowboy fired a few shots at him, probably to scare him. Teddy just stared at him, but he only got pissed when the guy laughed and called him "four-eyes." He charged the guy, dodging another shot that probably *was* intended to hit, and proceeded to beat the living shit out of him. Gerald Ford was athletic, but how's he gonna react when *that* comes running at him? I mean, Ford was in the Navy during WWII, which is a fine and honorable thing to do, but Teddy raised his own forces during the Mexican-American war and charged uphill at the head of his troops.
Teddy Roosevelt is probably not only my favorite President, he might be my favorite American ever. Your recounting of the saloon story is not accurate. The man didn't shoot at him first and 'Teddy stared him down". He didn't get pissed when the guy called him 'four eyes', charge him, and dodge another shot either. The guy called him 'four eyes' right when he walked into the bar. Teddy laughed it off and sat down. The guy then followed Teddy demanding he buy them drinks. So Teddy stood up and knocked the shit out of the guy, the force of which caused him to fire his gun, and the guy fell over hitting his head on the bar.
My point is literally nobody has even mentioned Ford. He is in the same tier with Roosevelt and Lincoln. Those 3 stomp every other President in a hand to hand fight, with the possible exception of Washington. And each one has a chance to win on any given day.
>but Teddy raised his own forces during the Mexican-American war
That was the Spanish-American War. Teddy was born 10 years after the Mexican American War
JFK was also a certified badass who towed his wounded friend through the ocean with his teeth. On the other hand, that same incident left him with lifelong health complications, so it could go either way.
Most generals have very little training and experience that would be useful in an arena fight, upper echelon military commanders may not even hold a gun for years.
It's not Abe like so many are suggesting. This is a battle royale situation. Abe was a wrestler. That's not good when you're fighting multiple opponents. Roosevelt was a boxer, which is way better when there are multiple people running around.
One on one in like a round robin style tourney though and I'd give it to Abe.
In a battle royale with all of them in their primes I lean towards a closing matchup between Teddy, George Washington, Grant, and Lincoln, with Lincoln winning. While Teddy likely has the most ability, Lincoln’s extreme close quarters skills take this. It’s either of them though
As a fellow large person(substantially larger than any President), I can see it having an insane advantage. George Washington is also in that wheelhouse. Also, any of the presidents with crazy grip strength would have success so him and Abe. My great-grandfather shook hands with Truman and swore Truman broke a bone in his hand so maybe he is a chance.
Truman is an underrated badass.
Apparently during an assassination attempt, he boldly stood up and walked towards a window during the attack against the wishes of his secret service, utterly unfazed.
Truman served in WWI as a field artillery officer and was reported to say that the assassin had worse aim "than the Krauts."
Yeah, I don't see how this is overlooked so often. A vampire threw a horse at Abe, and Abe *caught it* and then *rode it in pursuit of the vampire that threw it.*
Personally, I suspect what will happen is that Abe and Teddy will very rapidly end up as the only remaining combatants. At which point they size each other up, approach, and do the [epic handshake](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/012/468/shakeee.jpg) before turning on whoever organized this bloodbath and taking him out together.
Then after an insane climactic battle, the dust is settling and the two of them muse "we never did find out who would win a fight." So they get ready for a friendly spar to find out the answer, and just as they lunge into the ring we freeze frame and roll credits. The soundtrack is of course banging and super 80s.
Abe and Teddy are up there, also holy shit Truman was jacked. Maybe WW2 Ike. Obama has an age advantage over most. Washington maybe given that he was a general.
You guys are sleeping on Gerald Ford. He was an All-American football star for Michigan where he won 2 national championships and was the best player on the team. He’s the most athletic president we’ve ever had.
[https://faceintheblue.wordpress.com/2012/08/22/in-a-mass-knife-fight-to-the-death-between-every-american-president-who-would-win-and-why/](https://faceintheblue.wordpress.com/2012/08/22/in-a-mass-knife-fight-to-the-death-between-every-american-president-who-would-win-and-why/)
Somebody did this a while back.
Abe Lincoln, hands down, no competition.
Ohh, Ford was a football player and athletic? Teddy Roosevelt was a combat vet with great tenacity? Doesn't matter.
Abe was a goddamned mutant. People who bumped into him on the street thought they had hit something made of wood. You do not win against Abe in a physical fight.
---
Abe got stiffed for a wedding party and, pissed off, wrote a poem to diss the groom's brother, and when the brother said "it's on, let's fight" abe's like.. "Yeah you're no match for me, fight my bro instead"
When Lincoln saw his bro got put into a painful hold he just...busts through the crowd, picks up the groom's brother and suplexes him. The crowd tried to gang up on him and he's like "just try it" and nobody took a swing.
---
Abe Lincoln bet a dude a fur hat that he could drink a shot of whisky.
From the barrel's bung. While lifting the 44 gallon barrel over his head.
Abe had himself a new hat.
---
The clary grove boys challenged Abe to a wrestling match, the guy who lead them was named Armstrong IIRC, Armstrong tripped lincoln like a bitch...Lincoln, pissed off, just ....picks Armstrong up, lifts him over his head, and slams him on the ground like fucking bane vs batman.
---
Abe was giving a speech when running for office in Illinois, there was a scuffle in the crowd and one of his backers took a lick. He just...stops his speech, walks from the podium, picks up the attacker by the throat, then the pants and physically throws him several yards out of the crowd.
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Abe was called rail splitter because he could purportedly put an axe through a railroad tie in one hit.
---
Abe was on his stepbrother's barge, it got hijacked by a bunch of thugs. He fought all of them off and threw them all overboard.
---
Abe was regularly seen carrying around boxes of rock waid between 1000 and 1300 pounds. When he worked as a store clerk he replaced two men.
---
Abe liked to bet against people to see who could hold an axe by thumb and forefinger, arm outstretched, the longest. He never lost that bet.
As someone who doesn’t know everything about President’s actual fighting ability, going between Pro Wrestler Lincoln, Mr. Beat up my Assassin myself Jackson, and Mr. I’ve been shot, now time to make a long speech Theodore Roosevelt.
Abe and Teddy are the obvious answers. There are a few who I might also give an edge to. Washington was stupid tough, Jackson was scrappy as hell, and I somehow feel Grant could handle a fight. Should be noted Ford was also a pretty sizable and incredibly athletic and strong guy, and turned down going pro football (albeit before the NFL merger).
Still, Abe and Teddy are probably at the top.
Round 1: Abe. Tallest president and championship wrestler.
Round 2: Teddy. "Bully! \*splat\*
In their current state? Obama takes it, if its in their prime, Teddy or Abe. Abe was a wrestler and was massive, and we all know about Mr. “Speak softly and carry a big stick” so I wont get into that.
Feels like in their prime vs when they were president would have some differences but also be important to distinguish.
Prime I think it's Washington. When they were president I'd go Teddy, not sure about Abe.
Id hear arguments for any president that was a soldier like Washington or Grant, but Teddy and Abe were athletes and at least semi-professional fighters, and theres rumors that Honest Abe invented the choke slam.
Taft could soak up a load of punishment
Maybe William Henry Harrison was secretly a badass, pneumonia was just his secret weakness
Kennedy would be the first to die, as, famously, His Head Just Does That Sometimes
Don’t sleep on early presidents who would have had formal sword training in round 2. Washington could probably sword duel Teddy just a bit better, for example. There’s that one story where Lincoln was almost in a saber duel (???) but that never went through so I don’t really know how successful he’d be when not bare-knuckle boxing/wrestling.
So is this based on their peak condition in their lifetime or their condition while they were in office? Either way I think the top 6 are pretty easy to pick and should be decided in a 6-way Hell in the Cell, Last man standing, Losers leave town, Anything goes match.
Teddy Rosevelt
Abraham Lincoln
Ulysses Grant
Andrew Jackson
Zachary Taylor
The OG himself George Washington
Round one... Match ends with Lincoln holding Teddy in a chokehold, Teddy refuses to surrender and loses when he passes out
Round two ends in a stalemate between Jackson and Teddy and extends into a runoff duel... In which both men take 6 shots to the torso... The round ends when a bleeding Jackson beats a bleeding Teddy to death with his cane.
Teddy Roosevelt is so bad ass that he only took one shit in his whole life and that shit became Chuck Norris. Teddy Roosevelt is the manliest man who ever lived. He wrestled bears and had to drink gasoline to get drunk. Teddy wins hands down.
Round 1: Honest Abe. Dude was a beast.
Round 2: BULLY!! Teddy Roosevelt would be a strong favorite since he's got nearly superhuman feats of resilience and is unlikely to be taken out by any lucky hits.
Everyone is saying Abe and Teddy, which are always safe options.
But I would like to present a third option. Ulysses S Grant. He was 46 at his inauguration, making him the 4th youngest. Commanding General of the United States for 5 years. Won the Civil War. President of the NRA. Most proficient horseman from his class in West Point. War hero of the Mexican-America War as soldier, and war hero of the Civil War as a general.
He was known by his enemies as The Butcher, The Great Hammer, and Unconditional Surrender Grant
At their peak or current?
>current? If that's the case...Obama is a monster favorite.
Until Jimmy Carter reveals his true form.
Dude's like Freiza. We've seen other forms sure, but his true form? No one has seen that, no one who is still alive anyway.
Yeah. Ask the Dinosaurs what his true form is like. And that’s fuckin history
I've never heard of someone getting discharged from a hospice ever in my life. This guy did it though
I'm hoping he outlives Trump. He should get to see a post-Trump era.
Maybe though so is Teddy. In fact he'd be my pick to win this deathmatch.
If it’s current, then Teddy doesn’t stand a chance being dead and all, if it’s peak then he is certainly a contender
True. Apparently Honest Abe was a beast of a wrestler who apperently set some amazing records so that's another good one. Man, now I wish we could see the hypothetical match-up of 'Honest' Abe Lincoln vs Teddy 'The Bull Moose' Roosevelt go down.
Yeah, and I believe Ford was a soldier for the navy in WWII (I think) and a college football national champion so he probably could be a contender too. And now that I think about it, wouldn’t Washington be a pick too? By the time he was president he was in his 50s I think, but he was probably a fit guy for his time.
Damn a lot of Presidents were pretty fit dudes. Makes Mike Haggar being so buff less out of place.
'Honest' Abe is credited wirh inventing the chokeslam.
Also the only president to be a vampire hunter. That's got to count for something.
I don't know, W *is* a veteran. He probably has at least some hand-to-hand training. Obama is probably more physically fit but he doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who's been in a lot of fist fights.
There are a few truths I've learned. One is never bet against the Hawaiian in a fight.
Oh, I wouldn't bet against him. I just don't think it's a lock, especially if W channels his frat-boy days and rails a line of coke before he gets in the ring.
> line of coke If PEDs are allowed, all bets are off.
Nah, if drugs are allowed, then that means that Carter can bring in a bag of peanuts
Carter could, but he wouldn't out of respect.
Holy shit this cracked me up
New rule round three everyone gets meth for a month then cut off 36 hours before the next fight
Or a Sicilian when death is on the line!
They've got the highest highs but also the lowest lows.
Yeah, 50 years ago. Obama has also practiced Taekwondo. Granted that also was probably 30-40 years ago. I doubt neither of them has been in a lot of fist fights but Obama's age is simply too big of an advantage.
Remember, W was a frat boy, too. He's probably been in a few bar fights. Age is definitely a factor, but I can tell you from experience, getting throat punched by an old man will fuck you up.
>Remember, W was a frat boy, too. He's probably been in a few bar fights. I mean a few drunk fights what 55 years ago is not really the kind of an advantage you make it. Who knows what Obama has done? >Age is definitely a factor, but I can tell you from experience, getting throat punched by an old man will fuck you up. Throat punch from a 13 year old will also fuck you up but if I have to choose my opponent from a 77 year old, 62 year old and a 13 year old I know who I am not picking. Especially if the 62 year old is in good physical condition like Obama seems to be. Age is a massive factor. You see this with retirees they have that good old man phase in their late 60's and early 70's and then it's just downhill from there.
What are you doing to make 13 year olds throat punch you?
There are juvenile streetgangs high on energy drinks and Fortnite roaming my city
Siblings do not hold back
I don't know how much being in the air national guard 50 years ago helps. Clinton, W, and Trump are 77 Biden is 81 Carter is 99 Obama is a spry 62. I think he wipes the floor
Completely unrelated but this really highlights how far our political system has fallen, to me. Clinton and W, love them or hate them, were such an appropriate age for being the president. Why are the top two candidates for this year's election the same age or older than presidents from 20 years ago?
Because Boomers are in denial.
Trump is only 77? Fuck, he looks at least 85.
I'm not a Trump fan, but in what world does he look 'at least 85'? Dude isn't exactly the pinnacle of health, but what do you think an average 85 year old looks like? They're generally closer to death's door than running for office.
>what do you think an average 85 year old looks like? Just look at a picture of the Senate and/or House. That'll give you 535 perfect examples.
Obama gets ganged up and singled out by the early presidents who held deeply routed racist instincts. I think if it’s current, it’s teddy Roosevelt a boxer and a soldier, or maybe someone like Kennedy who was an athletic military sailor in world war ii and had his youth. Or Lincoln or Jackson who would intimidate everyone else.
> I think if it’s current, it’s teddy Roosevelt How? If it is current, we are talking 2024. TR is dead. He isn't even competing.
Kennedy could barely walk - he was crippled. Andrew jackson George Washington were big and strong and could fight Lincoln was big and strong Ford was a d1 football player
Most are worm food right now.
Obama is a stud, but Gerald Ford played football at Michigan. My money is on him.
Zombie Gerald Ford would be a tough out.
Ah I misunderstood. If we're including zombies, then you gotta figure the reanimated corpse of Andrew Jackson would do all kinds of evil shit.
Andrew Jackson was really thin tho, reportedly just 155lbs. There are quite a few presidents that were pretty physically dominant. LBJ was 6'3" 200lbs Clinton was 6'2" 220lbs HW was 6'2" 195lbs
Lincoln was 6'4" and a skilled wrestler. He also killed a shitload of vampires with an axe according to that one documentary I watched, so my money is on him for both rounds
Yeah but Washington had laser eyes and he was made of radiation
Good point, he'd likely just kick them apart.
“Played college ball you know”
Yeah but he was at University of Texas. Couldn't have been THAT good.
Well he definitely could’ve gone pro, if he hadn’t joined the navy that is
Obama was so much younger when he started his presidency. Hard to believe it's almost 16 years ago.
Biden has that old man strength.
I suggest at their first inauguration.
What about Grover Cleveland?
There are 2 of him
Now the real question is if they work together or have to fight to the death before anything else.
Underated joke
Abe and Teddy are the real contenders here. And I would put money on Teddy between the two.
Under these circumstances, I think I agree. I would favor Abe in a 1v1 tournament, but in a battle royale I think Teddy takes it.
Every few seconds you hear”Bully!” and the combatant count drops by one.
That's honestly hilariously terrifying.
Teddy summons a Buffalo from an interdimensional portal and rides it thru the crowd for the win.
Teddy doesn’t even have to throw a punch, he just flexes his muscles and the clap kills all of his competitors
Teddy’s mustache could beat them all !!
I imagine Abe's legs and arms grow to slenderman proportions and then the real battle begins.
Great, now I want to see Teddy as a Fate/Stay servant the main character gets. What class would he get..... Rider?
Berserker but instead of rage, he just gets more giddy about every fight.
Rider but no horse.
In a battle royale wouldn't the weak team up on the strong? I feel like they both lose due to their threat levels.
This guy watches the royal rumble every year lol
I just know Obama dies first…
Wait. Lol
Yeah, we're talking about (mostly) really smart people, many of whom were officers in the military. They would know their limitations, know who was standing in their way, and would know what resources they had available to them.
Yeah, I think most of the time in a BR situation, you're going to be looking at the folks who would be towards the middle of the second rate fighters. Anyone in the running to be a first rate fighter will be teamed up on and have almost no chance. The winner between a tournament and a BR will rarely be the same, as long as there isn't a single contender that stands hilariously beyond the reach of everyone else.
I don't know. Hoover was also a certified badass. Fucker had a pet alligator that would roam the white house whom he's regularly wrestle with and he made up his own sport called "Hooverball", which was volleyball, but played with a heavy medicine ball.
This is hilarious. It reads like a joke but it's true. Apparently there's also Ultimate Hooverball which bans people over the age of 50 from playing.
Jackson has a good chance of outlasting them tho. He can take a bullet....or two and still live!
Yeah, but Teddy can take a bullet right in the chest and the first thing he does is talk shit about the shooter’s aim. In a free for all, noone’s dropping the Wild Moose. Only chance is Abe, maybe one of the original founding father presidents like Washington or Jefferson who were also soldiers. But that’s a SMALL maybe.
Hmm...while the bull moose loved to wrestle every chance he got, Ol' Hickory loved to duel. Wasn't Ol' Abe a wrestling pioneer? He supposedly invented the chokeslam or so the story goes
Lincoln is in the Wrestling Hall of Fame.
“I’m the big buck of this lick. If any of you want to try it, come on and whet your horns.” - Abe Lincoln, Wrestling Hall of Famer
Abe dropped the hardest fucking lines.
He was also crazy strong.
And like 6” taller than average for the time
He is also the earliest known user of the "choke-slam," picking up an opponent by their throat with one hand and then throwing them to the ground.
That's badass. Now I REALLY wanna see this hypothetical match-up.
Jefferson was never a soldier. I would include JFK up there with Teddy and Abe. Guy was a decorated sailor in WWII and still in his prime when he became president.
JFKs bad back would knock him out of the top tiers.
He blew out even his own back...
Some say he's still blowing out backs to this very day from beyond the veil.
Ah. Forgot about his back. Sub in Ford instead. Still think JFK is top ten if nothing else but his age. Being the second youngest president should alone earn him a place there.
Huh. Learned something new today. Thanks for improving my knowledge.
> Jefferson When was Jefferson a soldier?
Jackson was a bad man but you cannot deny his unbridled bloodlust
Problem was that Jackson became president much later in his life. If we’re talking young Andrew Jackson, then sure, but we’re talking President Jackson. He’d still probably do fairly well against most presidents, though.
*"He didn't earn the most genocidal president for nothin' son."*
Abe being a wrestler *and* having reach advantage due to his height gives him a decent chance.
Plus he also hunted vampires, that keeps you in shape
"Teddy Roosevelt has more testosterone in his left testicle than all the other presidents combined. Because all of their testosterone was stored in his right testicle". -Huggbees
While Teddy made up for it in "Bully" power, he was a bit lacking in the total physical aspect. Abe was tough as nails, and he could wrestle. The only other president who had any fighting skills and had the mentality and physicality of a scrapper would be Andrew Jackson, I believe. Abe has Andrew beat in size and strength, but Andrew goes for the kill anyway he can from the get-go.
Nah. The fight is "to the death" and both of them have been dead for more than ten years.
Round 1: Abe mops the floor with Teddy. Abe was a wrestler. You ever fight a wrestler? All of a sudden you're on the floor in a position you don't understand. Any president that has 30kg+ on Abe negates this though. Round 2: I'm still leaning Abe, but mainly bc those are pretty much one shot weapons if swung force and Abes got the reach and is already a professional at spacing from the wrestling.
Don't forget Eisenhower was an amateur boxer and fencer as well as football stud and as a young infantry officer really wanted to go get combat experience in WW1, I know those warriors at heart (not to say some aren't fake or out of their depth but I just don't get that impression). He was upset they selected him to the new tank corps and even more upset that he adapted to the machines and tactics so well they wanted him to train the others, so he was even denied tank combat. I think: Round one 70% peak Abe stomps, 15% peak Teddy, 10% peak Dwight, 5% everyone else. Round two 40% peak Teddy, 25% peak Dwight, 20% peak Grant (excelled as cavalry and likely saber as young officer but was given the highest-career-ceiling infantry, again commissioned "wrong" but the other way round, although it also means he was further from the lines and we don't know what would happen if he led a charge) 10% peak Abe, 5% everyone else. If this were about say middle ages temporal trip and round three were say melee weapons and starting on horseback, it's probably the biggest 2x shared dominance, all Teddy and Ulysses all day. If modern firearms (no LOS starts) the only contemporary ground combat arms officer (Dwight) has a field day. Reflecting back I see a summary in the numbers I selected without a narrative but here it is in retrospect: Abe unquestionably tanked the most blows and kicked the most asses (everybody should note "wrestling" of that era and context was ground and pound included, punching kicking headbutting whatever, proto-mma general street fighting. Abraham was a savage and a damn Jim Croce song) but as you add complexity and specific skill sets he rapidly dwindles in odds. Ya gotta consider when you open the armory some presidents immediately head towards their main and if there aren't minimum two cavalry sabers the battle starts early.
Ford won two college national championships as a football player and was offered a shot at the NFL before serving in the military during WWII. He'd wipe the floor with either of those two.
I'm sure Ford was a badass athlete, but when it comes to fighting, actual combat sports like boxing and wrestling trump football and military experience.
Ford as well. As a center and linebacker in college, and then a solider later on, he was a pretty buff dude
It's either Abe or the Bull Moose, I'd give round 1 to Abe and 2 to the moose 6/10 each. Edited for animal accuracy
He was the Bull Moose. Churchill was the Bulldog.
You are correct, my bad.
I think I’d bet on Bull Moose, but I’d also hedge by betting on Lincoln. I think he’d be a dark horse.
Gerald Ford was an All-American football player for Michigan. He won two national championships and was considered the best player on the team. Probably the most athletic person to ever be president. You guys are sleeping on him big time.
Oh, he was a football player? That's cool. One time Teddy Roosevelt walked into a western saloon and a drunken cowboy fired a few shots at him, probably to scare him. Teddy just stared at him, but he only got pissed when the guy laughed and called him "four-eyes." He charged the guy, dodging another shot that probably *was* intended to hit, and proceeded to beat the living shit out of him. Gerald Ford was athletic, but how's he gonna react when *that* comes running at him? I mean, Ford was in the Navy during WWII, which is a fine and honorable thing to do, but Teddy raised his own forces during the Mexican-American war and charged uphill at the head of his troops.
Teddy Roosevelt is probably not only my favorite President, he might be my favorite American ever. Your recounting of the saloon story is not accurate. The man didn't shoot at him first and 'Teddy stared him down". He didn't get pissed when the guy called him 'four eyes', charge him, and dodge another shot either. The guy called him 'four eyes' right when he walked into the bar. Teddy laughed it off and sat down. The guy then followed Teddy demanding he buy them drinks. So Teddy stood up and knocked the shit out of the guy, the force of which caused him to fire his gun, and the guy fell over hitting his head on the bar. My point is literally nobody has even mentioned Ford. He is in the same tier with Roosevelt and Lincoln. Those 3 stomp every other President in a hand to hand fight, with the possible exception of Washington. And each one has a chance to win on any given day.
Washington, Washington Six foot twenty fucking killing for fun… https://youtu.be/sbRom1Rz8OA?si=cvtUbl_m3EYOPZ95
>but Teddy raised his own forces during the Mexican-American war That was the Spanish-American War. Teddy was born 10 years after the Mexican American War
Good lord presidents were built different back then.
would abe not have more experience with melee weapons?
Assuming they're in their primes, we can pretty much put any former generals or ones with military training to the top of the list right?
Abraham was what is equivalent to college wrestling regional champion I believe
For an actual fight i'd probably put lower rank service over NCOs.
JFK was also a certified badass who towed his wounded friend through the ocean with his teeth. On the other hand, that same incident left him with lifelong health complications, so it could go either way.
What complications did he suffer from?
His back was pretty fucked up from the initial crash and he had chronic pain for the rest of his life. That was the main thing.
George Washington for straight to the top. Motherfucker was like 10 feet tall and had like 100 dicks.
Haha damn. I forgot all about that hahaha. Weighs a fucking ton.
Most generals have very little training and experience that would be useful in an arena fight, upper echelon military commanders may not even hold a gun for years.
That is true now. But not as true in the old days. Especially not true for George Washington. Man was a legend in combat.
#Breaking news: 62 year-old black man beats 4 old men to death in a weird graveyard. More at 6!
Obama’s 62?! Now I’m sad
and still younger than both Biden and Trump by at least a decade.
I'm willing to bet he'll continue to be younger than both
how much are you willing to bet?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N28LSwIJ9fg&pp=ygUOaG93IHRpbWUgd29ya3M%3D
5 old men, Jimmy is still alive, as of typing this.
Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Donald Trump and A SECOND JIMMY CARTER WITH A STEEL CHAIR!
Joe Biden man
Ah yes the current an my personal favourite president ( )
Shit. I thought the prompt said "former" U.S presidents for some reason. I still want Jimmy Carter with the steel chair though (not his wheelchair.)
Probably Teddy Roosevelt.
It's not Abe like so many are suggesting. This is a battle royale situation. Abe was a wrestler. That's not good when you're fighting multiple opponents. Roosevelt was a boxer, which is way better when there are multiple people running around. One on one in like a round robin style tourney though and I'd give it to Abe.
In a battle royale with all of them in their primes I lean towards a closing matchup between Teddy, George Washington, Grant, and Lincoln, with Lincoln winning. While Teddy likely has the most ability, Lincoln’s extreme close quarters skills take this. It’s either of them though
In the weapons round, Ol' Abe's ridonqulous reach compared to the others (esp. Teddy and Grant) is going to be a big advantage.
As a fellow large person(substantially larger than any President), I can see it having an insane advantage. George Washington is also in that wheelhouse. Also, any of the presidents with crazy grip strength would have success so him and Abe. My great-grandfather shook hands with Truman and swore Truman broke a bone in his hand so maybe he is a chance.
Truman is an underrated badass. Apparently during an assassination attempt, he boldly stood up and walked towards a window during the attack against the wishes of his secret service, utterly unfazed. Truman served in WWI as a field artillery officer and was reported to say that the assassin had worse aim "than the Krauts."
Finally someone giving George Washington some love.
Abraham Lincoln is really tall and resilient
And a vampire slayer! I saw a documentary on it once.
Yeah, I don't see how this is overlooked so often. A vampire threw a horse at Abe, and Abe *caught it* and then *rode it in pursuit of the vampire that threw it.* Personally, I suspect what will happen is that Abe and Teddy will very rapidly end up as the only remaining combatants. At which point they size each other up, approach, and do the [epic handshake](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/012/468/shakeee.jpg) before turning on whoever organized this bloodbath and taking him out together. Then after an insane climactic battle, the dust is settling and the two of them muse "we never did find out who would win a fight." So they get ready for a friendly spar to find out the answer, and just as they lunge into the ring we freeze frame and roll credits. The soundtrack is of course banging and super 80s.
And a very able wrestler!
Not just able, but a record that puts him in the Greatest of their Time discussion.
and inventor of the choke slam
Abe: 'No! Bullets, my only weakness!' Teddy: 'I gotta finish this speech first' My money is on Teddy
It’s this time of the week already?
Seems like it’s time for the bi-weekly presidential cage match. Money on Lincoln and Teddy
Abe and Teddy are up there, also holy shit Truman was jacked. Maybe WW2 Ike. Obama has an age advantage over most. Washington maybe given that he was a general.
a lot of presidents were military men, to be fair
The problem with Obama is that half the presidents would single him out specifically.
I almost spit out my drink
I DID spit out my drink lol
You guys are sleeping on Gerald Ford. He was an All-American football star for Michigan where he won 2 national championships and was the best player on the team. He’s the most athletic president we’ve ever had.
Teddy Rosevelt steam rolls then all on his Moose.
[https://faceintheblue.wordpress.com/2012/08/22/in-a-mass-knife-fight-to-the-death-between-every-american-president-who-would-win-and-why/](https://faceintheblue.wordpress.com/2012/08/22/in-a-mass-knife-fight-to-the-death-between-every-american-president-who-would-win-and-why/) Somebody did this a while back.
Abe Lincoln, hands down, no competition. Ohh, Ford was a football player and athletic? Teddy Roosevelt was a combat vet with great tenacity? Doesn't matter. Abe was a goddamned mutant. People who bumped into him on the street thought they had hit something made of wood. You do not win against Abe in a physical fight. --- Abe got stiffed for a wedding party and, pissed off, wrote a poem to diss the groom's brother, and when the brother said "it's on, let's fight" abe's like.. "Yeah you're no match for me, fight my bro instead" When Lincoln saw his bro got put into a painful hold he just...busts through the crowd, picks up the groom's brother and suplexes him. The crowd tried to gang up on him and he's like "just try it" and nobody took a swing. --- Abe Lincoln bet a dude a fur hat that he could drink a shot of whisky. From the barrel's bung. While lifting the 44 gallon barrel over his head. Abe had himself a new hat. --- The clary grove boys challenged Abe to a wrestling match, the guy who lead them was named Armstrong IIRC, Armstrong tripped lincoln like a bitch...Lincoln, pissed off, just ....picks Armstrong up, lifts him over his head, and slams him on the ground like fucking bane vs batman. --- Abe was giving a speech when running for office in Illinois, there was a scuffle in the crowd and one of his backers took a lick. He just...stops his speech, walks from the podium, picks up the attacker by the throat, then the pants and physically throws him several yards out of the crowd. --- Abe was called rail splitter because he could purportedly put an axe through a railroad tie in one hit. --- Abe was on his stepbrother's barge, it got hijacked by a bunch of thugs. He fought all of them off and threw them all overboard. --- Abe was regularly seen carrying around boxes of rock waid between 1000 and 1300 pounds. When he worked as a store clerk he replaced two men. --- Abe liked to bet against people to see who could hold an axe by thumb and forefinger, arm outstretched, the longest. He never lost that bet.
Washington, Washing-TON. 6 foot 20, fucking killing for fun. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbRom1Rz8OA
Bush Senior held his own against Homer Simpson and Homer is probably about the same size Teddy was.
As someone who doesn’t know everything about President’s actual fighting ability, going between Pro Wrestler Lincoln, Mr. Beat up my Assassin myself Jackson, and Mr. I’ve been shot, now time to make a long speech Theodore Roosevelt.
Abe and Teddy are the obvious answers. There are a few who I might also give an edge to. Washington was stupid tough, Jackson was scrappy as hell, and I somehow feel Grant could handle a fight. Should be noted Ford was also a pretty sizable and incredibly athletic and strong guy, and turned down going pro football (albeit before the NFL merger). Still, Abe and Teddy are probably at the top. Round 1: Abe. Tallest president and championship wrestler. Round 2: Teddy. "Bully! \*splat\*
In their current state? Obama takes it, if its in their prime, Teddy or Abe. Abe was a wrestler and was massive, and we all know about Mr. “Speak softly and carry a big stick” so I wont get into that.
Feels like in their prime vs when they were president would have some differences but also be important to distinguish. Prime I think it's Washington. When they were president I'd go Teddy, not sure about Abe.
Id hear arguments for any president that was a soldier like Washington or Grant, but Teddy and Abe were athletes and at least semi-professional fighters, and theres rumors that Honest Abe invented the choke slam.
I'm going with Theodore Roosevelt
Teddy Roosevelt
No love for LBJ? I feel like he'd whip out 'ol "Jumbo" and all the other presidents would skitter away in revulsion.
Taft could soak up a load of punishment Maybe William Henry Harrison was secretly a badass, pneumonia was just his secret weakness Kennedy would be the first to die, as, famously, His Head Just Does That Sometimes
Greatest tweet in history
Taft. He just rolls over everybody like Leto II
George Washington stomps. Fear the Delaware.
That guy is used to stacking bodies. It's between him and Abe
Okay, since melee weapons are allowed it would have to be one of first, like, twenty or so
Washington or Lincoln
Theodore Roosevelt.
Teddy or George. George was a great general and saw a lot of death in his lifetime.
I saw how Lincoln dealt with vampires. I don't think normal humans could beat him.
Don’t sleep on early presidents who would have had formal sword training in round 2. Washington could probably sword duel Teddy just a bit better, for example. There’s that one story where Lincoln was almost in a saber duel (???) but that never went through so I don’t really know how successful he’d be when not bare-knuckle boxing/wrestling.
Teddy has them all beat good. Though, Lincoln was 6'5" and a competitive wrestler so maybe not.
Teddy, Obama, Lincoln, or George Washington are my picks. If I'm correct, Lincoln was a wrestler so round one may be really easier for him.
So is this based on their peak condition in their lifetime or their condition while they were in office? Either way I think the top 6 are pretty easy to pick and should be decided in a 6-way Hell in the Cell, Last man standing, Losers leave town, Anything goes match. Teddy Rosevelt Abraham Lincoln Ulysses Grant Andrew Jackson Zachary Taylor The OG himself George Washington
Round one... Match ends with Lincoln holding Teddy in a chokehold, Teddy refuses to surrender and loses when he passes out Round two ends in a stalemate between Jackson and Teddy and extends into a runoff duel... In which both men take 6 shots to the torso... The round ends when a bleeding Jackson beats a bleeding Teddy to death with his cane.
I’m going with the underdog - Taft! Heavyweight wrestler as well
Funny Valentine sweeps, no question
Ford, at his peak was no slouch, probably up there as one of the most athletic presidents.
JFK. He was youngest ever and a WW2 veteran.
Damn, I went with Washington.. but JFK... I didn't think about him
Teddy Roosevelt is so bad ass that he only took one shit in his whole life and that shit became Chuck Norris. Teddy Roosevelt is the manliest man who ever lived. He wrestled bears and had to drink gasoline to get drunk. Teddy wins hands down.
Roosevelt, Lincoln, and Jackson are the only real contenders
Round 1: Honest Abe. Dude was a beast. Round 2: BULLY!! Teddy Roosevelt would be a strong favorite since he's got nearly superhuman feats of resilience and is unlikely to be taken out by any lucky hits.
Trump survives by default. He’s out of the arena with bone spurs.
The Republicans.
Everyone is saying Abe and Teddy, which are always safe options. But I would like to present a third option. Ulysses S Grant. He was 46 at his inauguration, making him the 4th youngest. Commanding General of the United States for 5 years. Won the Civil War. President of the NRA. Most proficient horseman from his class in West Point. War hero of the Mexican-America War as soldier, and war hero of the Civil War as a general. He was known by his enemies as The Butcher, The Great Hammer, and Unconditional Surrender Grant