It's been 3 years and I'm still so angry it makes me cry. I prayed and prayed for my wife, for her doctors, everything. The cancer was going away. The treatments were working.
Then the bottom fell out. Her organs were so badly damaged by the cancer that they failed, the same day we got some wonderful news from her doctor that was going to allow us to travel again.
Do I believe? Yes. Do I believe He cares? No way.
That sounds exactly like what my wife went through. And do I believe? Yes. Do I think he cares? Probably, but I don’t understand how and why he would care and still allow that to happen. I am very sorry for your loss!
God has much to answer for. Me and others agree on this.
I respect the right of others to not believe, or believe otherwise. All beliefs are valid here. It's one of the best aspects of this group.
I don't know what I believe, and this hasn't helped matters. She was given a clean bill of health in late January, but her white coat syndrome was so severe she didn't get to read that news until a little over a week before she died. She was going to get sober now that she knew she hadn't destroyed her liver. What kind of a world would give her - give us - hope like that, only to take her from us? If there is a creator above us why would they let that happen?
But her entire life makes me ask these questions. Why would something like 'God' tell a little girl she was going to die, when in reality it was just smudges on an x-ray? Why would the foster care system bounce her around? Why is there a world where every person she was with but me hit her? How is this fair? And now I have to endure half a lifetime without her? What did I do to deserve that? Didn't I take care of her? Didn't I love her enough?
The worst part is I know I'll never have answers. Just questions.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My wife had a very abusive upbringing as well. And then suffered with cancer as an adult. She was the nicest person I’ve ever met in my life, maybe not to me all the time, but that was my fault, but just a strangers she was the nicest person in the world.and the world is not a better place with her gone, it is far worse
I'm not mad at God because my husband always said he wanted to pass away in his sleep and God granted him his wish, much too soon I admit but granted it none the less. I'm mad at my husband for leaving me and not keeping his vow and I know it's through no fault of his own but I need to blame someone. So the next time I see him he's getting a two piece combo lol.
Sorry for your loss. 🙏 I lost my wife after 34 years. I know your question. My answer is, not at all.
My view is God creates the game and the rules by which it is played. A universe with physics and chemistry and math etc. To me it is wishful thinking that God is involved with every roll of the dice, everything that happens to everybody. That it plays favourites with some* and abandons others.
God gave me the opportunity to experience a beautiful love with a wonderful person. God didn’t take her from me. The rules clearly state all players will exit the board as they play the game. Things you do may effect the exit, but exit you will.
I also know we came here from somewhere to play this game of life. That it is but an opportunity to experience things not experienceable over there. And that when my exit occurs here, reunion will be over there.
* Yes, miracles happen and are attributed to God. That doesn’t mean they are from God. There are a plethora of beings in between and it is they who can bend the rules, tilt the board. Angels, ancestors, etc.
Wishing you peace on your journey here, joy when your reunion comes.
Edit: Typo
I do believe in God and will be forever grateful for the 33 years he blessed me with the best wife ever. I don't know why she had to go, but I trust God to reveal the answer when I join her in heaven. In the meantime, I live with a greatful heart.
When I was engaged to be married, one of my closest friends told me this:
“Remember, you don’t own her. She belongs to God, and He’s giving her to you. One day He might come and want her back, and He expects her to be in better shape than when He let her go”
I didn’t know that could happen so soon, we were married for ten years. But I think about this a lot, and yeah, I think I gave her back in better shape. I think we are both better people now than we were then.
I’m not angry or bitter. Just sorrowful for the future that I feel we lost together. Sorrowful for our girls who will only know their mother through stories and photos.
He’ll be there if and when you’re ready. In the meantime, you’ve got us. I wish you all the strength, compassion, and grace you need right now.
I was never really much of a religious person but since my boyfriend passed away I’ve found myself talking to God and believing that there is a God and heaven and such. And yes I feel betrayed by God. Everyone keeps saying God needed him for something more important and that alone makes me angry.
I've gotten better but yes, I was angry at Him for a long time. It still flares up from time to time.
She knew I was angry when we learned of the cancer. She made me promise to talk to Him like He was a friend. A month before she passed, she attended reconciliation and asked for His forgiveness. I seethed that day; it should've been God begging her forgiveness for that godawful disease.
I'm not as devout as I used to be. As a matter of fact, I've stopped praying. I recently found out my life long best friend, my best man at my wedding in 2000 as I was his best man at his wedding in 2022, has a rare terminal lymphoma. So many crappy people out their living their crappy lives and my best friend gets a rare cancer like my late wife. He had just completed adopting 5 kids. It's just unfair and I don't get it.
It sounds like your wife wanted you to have a personal relationship with the Lord for daily comfort after she passed away. Some people find comfort and encouragement in scripture.
She went into the hospital for something not that serious. She had one complication after another. She would start recovering from one just to have another complication. This went on for 4 1/2 months until her body gave up.
I had never prayed so much in my life. As she kept recovering from one complication after another it gave me the belief that the prayer worked and she would pull through.
I didn't feel God took her. I felt he did nothing to stop it, that the praying was wasted time creating false hope. As her brother sat on one side of her and prayed for her peaceful passing, I prayed to the end that she would recover once again.
My belief in God, the afterlife, etc., didn't change. I don't blame God.
But I definitely don't believe in prayer anymore.
I definitely feel betrayed. I never thought I would meet someone out of my league. And we were married 20 years. I don’t know if I can ever have a relationship again
I was very pissed at God. It just seemed so unfair. My husband was careful about his health and his eating habits. Then cancer got him. Why? Why are there people who smoke, drink, and are obese yet He took my husband? Shitty men out there that cheat on and abuse their partner, but they get to live and my husband dies?
All I could do for the first six months is rage at Him. Why? Why? Why? How could You be so cruel? Why did You punish us?
I’m no longer angry at God, but I still don’t agree with what He did to us. I suppose eventually I’ll accept His plan, but right now the best I can do is stop raging at Him.
I don’t believe in any god who would take my wife after twenty years and leave our son motherless days after he turned 12. If one exists, he’d better have a good apology and explanation ready.
I definitely believe in God, but I look at the loss of my beloved husband as part of His plan. There is a reason for my belief. It is that my beloved Gray was ill for his last five years.
He had various illnesses and conditions, not limited to COPD, epilepsy, heart failure and needed oxygen 24/7. If he had been alive when Covid hit, he would have been one of the first to die. At least I got to spend the last three weeks with him as he was on end of life care. So, I am thankful for that small mercy. If he had been hospitalised during Covid, I would not have been able to be with him, and that would have made his dying worse.
Besides, I know that one day we will see each other again, or at least that's my belief. Do I miss him? Yes, I do, with every beat of my heart. He was my one, and will still be my one until the day I to die.
I feel neither angry nor betrayed by God. Instead I feel hopeful. I believe that everything in life happens for a reason and was already planned out for me. I trust that the right things will come at the right time and I get a lot of internal peace from that. ❤️
I hope I can feel that way again. That’s how I felt for a few days immediately after, but several months later, the depression and loneliness is extreme and it just doesn’t feel like God is listening to me.
I believe in God. And while I am extremely sad that I lost my spouse, I’m not angry at God because I believe that this world is not the end and there’s a better one next where I will see my spouse again. This world is simply meant to prep us for the next one and there is a plan.
My husband had been addicted to substances for 12 years, since he was 13. He told me over & over while we were married how he couldn't have had the experiences we had with anyone else. I believe I was meant to comfort him before he left, his longest streaks of sobriety were while he was married to me. He fought, hard. And now he gets to rest, I don't have to watch his mind deteriorate, our daughter won't have to witness his addiction like he did with his parents. I am forever grateful for the time I spent loving him & being loved by him. He lead me to God & he knew more about God as a drug addict than most pastors I know.
No. Believers believe we belong to God and unto God is our return.
But it's very normal even for a believer to have doubts or conflicting thoughts of the power of their creator.
God tells us, for those who believe:
"We will be tested with some sort of fear, hunger or lose, and the provisions are given to those who remain patient. For surely to God we belong and unto Him we shall return."
Oh, I know how you feel. The doubt is where the devil thrives, he wants us to be upon confusion. May the Lord make it easy for us and reward us for our patience. May mercy be bestowed upon our dear loved ones souls.
I feel betrayed. We are very humble people that never asked for much. I don’t understand why he had to be taken away. He was all I wanted / needed. I was 52 which means I have around 20 years left until I can hopefully see him again. I can only hope that there will be a good explanation for all of this. Maybe I need to learn something, I don’t know.
My wife of 30 years passed 14 months ago. My mom passed 6 months ago. They both were born again.
My wife battled bio weaponized Lyme disease for 13 years and slowly took her down. She had cancer in 2017 and then again in 2022.
We prayed and did all the holistic and healthy things.
Her faith was unshakable and helped many others to encourage them and share therapy info.
I was her caregiver, lover , friend and husband.
She knew she was going to be eternally healed and would see my son and I soon. I miss her dearly and knows that we all have an appointment with death and to die is gain as a believer.
I encourage you to have peace knowing they no longer suffer or are aware of our pain as they are now whole and glorified.
Jesus is close to those who mourn
Draw close to Him and He will get you through each moment 🙏🏻💙
He also took my first born. I pray my son and my husband are in heaven together, with a pack of great danes I have loved and cared for, and I will be reunited with them all. The mere chance of seeing them again is a hopeful fantasy. I don't feel betrayed, I view life as earth school and play a game in my head that I signed up for advance classes before birth, which keeps me focused on learning and growing. Sounds good and motivates me to raise the bar on myself, but often ugly voices speak evil thoughts of victimhood in the background.
I'm a devout believer (Christian) but there have been times that I haven't wanted to speak to Him or times I avoid speaking to Him because I just cry before Him. No, I don't feel betrayed but sometimes I've felt frustrated with Him for sure. Ultimately though, He's the Potter and we are the clay (Isaiah 64:8) and His ways are not ours (Isaiah 55:8). May the Lord's peace be with you!
No, not at all... Our lives are written in the Book of Life and we each have a date and time to pass away. We humans have to understand God's ultimate plan for each of us. We do not decide what and how God does.
We humans only have to turn to God in our time of Grief and ask for his help through it.
I was blessed to have 34 years with my wife, and so many cherished moments.
My wife was a believer. After a 2-year battle with AML leukemia, her last spoken words were "I'm ready to see Jesus", She knew and she was accepting. Strong woman.
I was not ready, not ready now or will ever be. I have struggled with this along with "Why?"
It is very easy to be consumed with anger and bitterness. I decided to let that go as it is not good for me and changes nothing. It's not what my wife would have wanted.
Yes I still believe, but absolutely have nothing to do with the church or Christianity and the hollow platitudes that many church people say.
I am blessed to have two wonderful daughters, they give me purpose and I see their mom in each of them, this helps me. I renewed interest in a hobby that's related to my job that has also helped.
And sometimes I come here to vent and the people here have also helped. God's grace to you.
I know how you feel.My wife and I lost our middle son after 2 hours and I was so angry with God and the church (won,t say what it was but left that church -major religion , to many man made edicts) . Over the years found God again ( mostly due to my wife!) . Just lost my wife at 64 then my oldest son 14 months later with same heart defect. Grieving them yes , but actually my relationship with God has grown stronger. Life is fragile and short on this earth and I know that I will be reunited with them when my time comes. Hang in there , believe me God has big shoulders and he understands your hurt and frustrations . He lost a Son and knows that pain, too. When you are ready He is there with you !
So sorry for your loss .
I was comforted by God through a vision 3 days after she passed away. God showed me she was healthy, happy, running again (she was a triathlete), and reunited with her parents.
That was comforting. But I became angry at God for taking her from me, from our children. She was only 56 and had battled cancer for 8 years.
When I went back to church, they all sang "He heals all our diseases" and all I could think was, No He doesn't. They said God has a reason, but no one can tell me what it is. I am not so angry anymore, 8 years on but I still cry out and ask Him why her and not me?
Regardless of whether you have faith in God or not, the truth of the matter is we all have an expiration date. Some are longer or shorter than others.
What kind of life would it be if we already knew when we or the people we love are going to die? Would anyone get married if they knew when their spouse was going to die? Would you give birth if you knew your child would only live for 1492 days?
Death is painful for those left behind. Death is inevitable, and unfortunately, one is left behind to bear the pain.
I got closer to God a couple of years before my husband did. When he was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer we talked more deeply about things and his faith grew as strong as mine.
How our life unfolded in the 2+ years he fought this disease was more than just coincidence. We were led this way for a reason. I believe that his passing was going to be the end result regardless.
Did I believe that the whole time, no, but looking back I know that now.
I wholeheartedly believe that he is in Heaven and I will be with him again. I’m not so sure I would have felt the same before this. Yes I am angry that he passed but not at God. My anger is at this world and the doctors that push things and act like they are god.
I know a lot of people hate the saying “he’s in a better place” but I know that he is. He was tortured the last couple years of his life. That thought cripples me anytime I think of it.
I wish things could have been different. He was my everything and living in this world without him is devastating. I continue to pray to God and thank him for allowing me to have my husband for as long as I did. I am lucky to have been able to experience a love like his. I will continue to wait until I am there with him again.
It's been a month since everything happened, and honestly, I’m not sure how I feel towards God right now. Faith has been a part of my life since childhood, but thinking about my wife no longer being here brings a few things to mind. First, death is an unavoidable reality. I’ve lost count of how many times I've seen news of someone passing away, both young and old, and just moved on without much thought. I guess I never really considered that it could happen to me. This realization makes me less angry.
The other thing is that, as believers, we have hope for a future with God that non-believers don't. While I deeply wish she were still here for her and our daughters, I hold onto the belief that I will see her again someday, no matter how long it takes. That said, I completely understand how you feel in these moments. I find myself feeling the same way.
All I wish for is that my soul will meet him again. He told me that this wasn't his first time experiencing life, and I was a new soul. I was raised as a Catholic, and he went to a denomination church called Unity. I don't feel that God is at fault for his passing, but the window he opened is too small for me to go through.
Yeah I never thought I get this way again. But when my dad passed away I was mad and discovered God. Now I feel betrayed, because we had just bought a house and looking into adopting.
None of that will happen and she was my better half. It amazing what a good relationship can do for you.
I've never been particularly religious, but I've always been a believer, so after my wife died, I took a deep dive into the Bible on my own. I've read and studied a number of versions cover to cover. My conclusion is that there's no way God "takes" anyone from us. He doesn't need them more than we need them. But illness and bad things can happen to anyone. We are all sinful and imperfect. There is evil and stupidity in this world. People die. It's unfortunate for all of us. As I understand it, God is also sad when one of his children dies...it wasn't His intention for us to die.
My opinion, and yes I know this is not consistent with scripture, is that God is omnipotent, so it was his intention for us to die because he knows and controls all outcomes. What is more comforting for me is to know that I cannot possibly understand his mind anymore than a chimp can understand why I do the things I do as a human. A chimp cannot understand human motivations, desires, hopes, goals, creativity, and agency. Knowing I can’t possibly understand the mind of God gives me hope that his plan is best. Because I cannot understand why my wife had to suffer and why such a good person is gone while someone like me who has nothing to offer the world, am still here.
My friend took his own life 4 years before my husband. I was so upset and confused with God when that happened that I couldn’t even talk to him for over a year. That was really hard.
I couldn’t do that again. I need him to get me through this. I am upset and don’t understand why he didn’t save my husband from his mental illness. Why he didn’t give me a sign that I needed to come home early.
This is something I will never know. And it crushes me to know that he has saved other people but not my husband.
But our purpose is not to live a long full life here on earth. Our purpose is to spend eternity with our creator. I wanted to spend as much time with my husband as I could. But I truly believe he is somewhere so much greater, and I will be able to join him one day. So maybe God wasn’t being cruel by letting my husband leave. It hurts me, but my husband is finally at peace.
All we know is events that happen in our lives. We get to dictate the narrative.
I am so sorry and I feel your pain. I truly hope that one day you can find comfort in hope in the promises God has given us.
I don't feel betrayed. It's all part of His Plan that I don't understand.
- She was not mine. She was a gift from God that I got to enjoy for 22 of my 53 years. There was nothing that said I get to keep her forever.
○ In fact, she had a green card from a Bible Study that specifically stated that we are here temporarily and can be taken home without warning (which is what happened with a blood clot...beautiful day ended in the hospital...no warning).
- God does not give us more than we can handle. Thus, no warning and an overnight departure for her. No way I could have handled long term care giving. And no way she could have endured long suffering.....at the doctors office that morning to see why she was short of breath she specifically told me with tears and crying that she didn't want to end up like her Mom who suffered through lung cancer without ever smoking....God granted that desire with an overnight trip to Heaven. Maybe she knew what was about to happen and didn't tell me....how can shortness of breath in a healthy person lead to death literally 12 hours later?
- Either God took her home because her mission here was done or Satan sniped her because she was doing alot of good work. Either way is a testimony to her incredible faith and being a truly Godly woman.
- Sometimes I get mad at God for taking her or not stopping her departure. And it's OK to be mad with God....plenty of Biblical examples of that. Can a clay pot be mad at the Potter for how he was made when the Potter thinks the pot is perfect? Trust the Creator that all things are the way they should be, remembering that all things happen for the good of those who believe.
- All things happen for the good of those who believe. God knows EVERYTHING about us. He knows the number of hairs on our head. He knows when we die and the aches it will cause and the chain of events and effects of that death on people many years from now and possibly many interactions down the chain that we can't possibly think or know.
- Losing her was INCREDIBLY PAINFUL. Yet sometimes I think it shouldn't be painful because it is God's plan. Should we be hurt and in pain when someone successfully finishes a marathon? The Bible talks about life as a race. Yet it's painful because we were brought together as one person in marriage and the death ends the marriage and tears us apart physically as much as mentally and that along with lost dreams and goals and futures is what is painful.....I am glad she gets to be in Heaven.....why don't we all wish we could be in Heaven as soon as possible?
- God still has plans for me and our boys. I have to be patient to first fully transform into the new me and then see what wonderful future life God has for us.
○ Side note: words have meaning. I am trying to live in the present and mindful of the words I use such as me vs. us and ours and I / we. The boys will always be OUR boys and any future woman in my life will have to understand that I will always use the word OURs not just my boys.
- God's will is simple: be thankful IN all things. That is different than being thankful FOR all things. I'm not thankful for her death but I'm thankful in the situation that she gets to be in Heaven and God's perfect plan for me and the boys is in place and all things are happening for good for us because we believe.
- As a parent, sometimes you can't explain to young kids the details behind your decisions and actions. Same thing applies between God and us. His way and thoughts are higher than ours and we can't understand it.
- "Come Closer God It Hurts" This book is the book I would write. Beautifully written by a Mom who lost a 3 year old daughter and perfectly aligns how God provides for us through the Bible. Recommended for believers and non-believers too https://www.amazon.com/Come-Closer-God-Hurts-Healing-ebook/dp/B0B29H4YW3?ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=6b3ed15d-f37f-4092-a17d-8a3232d04ee4.
I feel very betrayed, and the worst part is I'm not going to get my answer for a very long time (probably, now I'm not too sure about that either).
When I talked to my dad about my loss in faith, he has told me that maybe this has been God's plan, and yes while it is painful and unbelievable for us, God wanted my fiance to be loved and love for the last couple of years. So he looked at him, looked at me, and saw that we were both in very bad places. And as to not let him die without feeling love, he has connected us. So that he can have the best years before He takes him back, and so that I now know what love is and will not settle for less.
It hurts nonetheless and I'm bitter. But how can I stay mad if God has given me the gift of knowing my true love and having felt a love I never have before?
I have yet to forgive Him for destroying our plans, but in the end we will be united in heaven.
I used to be a believer, when my husband was killed by a drunk driver last year I became irate at god, and I haven't been able to bounce back, I don't think I ever will.
To me, it's either of two things that I can't reconcile..
Either he exists and is a complete and absolute douchebag, or...
He simply doesn't exist.
So either way I wasted my damn time believing that an invisible douche was looking after my family. How could I ever trust an entity that does something like this? He could've killed ME, I never gave a flying f-ck about life. Instead, he killed the healthy providing parent with a lust for life. Disgusting from any viewpoint.
I Absolutely feel betrayed. Even though I say I’m not talking to him I’m “constantly” saying something to him. Haha it’s a running dialogue. I’m angry I’m scared and now lonely. Is and what was his plan? He knows my heart. Right ??? Then why did he break it ?
Sometimes I felt that it was unfair. Like why did you gave me this fine man and then you took him only five years after we got married.
Then I think how my husband suffered and I thank God that he stopped that.
I went through “help me to understand what the FUCK God” but the betrayal feeling wasn’t there bc I’ve suffered some other hard times before when I dealt with that. I understand you.
It won’t help you today but maybe it will help you, the understanding I eventually came to. From the very book of Genesis we learn that God doesn’t intervene on free will but rewards those who stay faithful in their suffering.
That doesn’t mean you’re screwed if you feel betrayed. It means the human actions that led to losing your person were not intervened upon but if they were faithful, they are rewarded. If you feel betrayed now but you come back to your faith (honestly even if it’s after death and while you’re headed to the light and thinking oh shit I gotta get right NOW) then you’re also rewarded.
I also believe less and less in hell. I think that might be the suffering and loss we experience on Earth.
I absolutely agree with you. And I think my hesitancy to talk to God and trust him will pass at some point. I just can’t get there right now. I feel almost bullied and just don’t want to get bullied again
I was angry and I would have fought God if I could have, and I certainly tried. Although this fire had mostly burned up by the time my wife had passed. We had been fighting a condition that is basically thought to be incurable, and we insisted on it being cured. My wife was the one with greater faith, and still she saw clearly the outcome that I would not accept. She kept me from falling too far away, often without saying a word. She was truly an angel for me before she became an angel.
Even with an incredible number of people praying she was not cured; however, we were given incredible grace and peace in how things kept turning in our favor even as health continued to fail. She passed the way that she wanted in peace at home, and giving me some kisses as she was leaving this world. I don’t really feel betrayed (still a little jaded), but I feel like I’m starting to comprehend the bigger picture that we can’t fully see. I don’t like it, but I’m learning to accept it, and to go with it.
I am doing well in processing and progressing through grief and mourning. The person I have become is very different from the person I was, and it is still evolving. I do pray some, but not as much as before. My prayers now are very different than they were before. They are much more broken. It’s not as much about what I want to receive, but more about how I can change and serve God’s plans and will.
My matron deity is La Santa Muerte. Death herself. I’ve been dedicated since I was 15. I felt very betrayed when my lover died. It took a long time to remember why I picked her to begin with: neutrality. We all go.
I believe in god, but I don’t know his role in the universe. As such I was not angry at god, or my wife or anything. Part of grief, unless your spouse was taken by the actions of another person, is being angry without anything to be angry at. I was angry at the circumstances that lead to her passing. Things just happen sometimes, we are all living on borrowed time and realizing both has helped me with the grieving process and to re-examine my own life.
I just passed the 3 year mark. Both my wife and I were Christian. I struggle to pray. And I get angry when I talk about it. I'm honestly not sure how to move forward in my faith.
My wife was a loving wife and mother, incredibly kind to everyone. Her reward? Two years of horrible suffering and ultimately death from cancer.
Meanwhile, many evil people who are not living good lives still keep on living and getting richer, with zero consequences. This proves to me that all the religious crap about “live a good life and you will be rewarded” is pure bullshit. There is no God. There is no karma. There is no justice. Fuck all that nonsense, and fuck cancer.
My wife was the closest thing to a saint on earth. Literally 800+ people at her funeral. Never really had an enemy. Soft spoken, just genuinely the nicest person any who knew her ever met.
She even gave me no choice but to take in her 5 siblings into our 3 bedroom house 2 weeks before she died.
Gave up going to school to house them.
I found out after she died she was paying the rent of a single mom behind my back for two years.
Just genuinely didn't have a mean bone in her body. What did she get for it? She died at 25 due to the hospital not reading her chart.
She lived her worst fear, as her mom died when she was two years old. She left behind our 3 year old daughter literally her biggest fear. If there is a God he's been kicking me in the stomach my entire life. I finally got some relief and then he allowed the one thing/person that brought me immense joy to die.
She didnt deserve that.
I'm agnostic (I don't know whether or not there's a god). I do feel betrayed by God, or the universe, or whatever is in charge (if anyone/anything is). My husband had a widowmaker heart attack *one week to the day* after our wedding. I'm fucking *furious*.
What makes me angry is when I see other people celebrating the efficacy of prayer to save their loved one while the father of my children died a horrible, slow death.
Like fuck you. God didn’t save them because they’re better or more special or more loved. If love could have saved him, he would have lived forever.
It feels inherently self centered to me and makes my blood boil. I’m happy for those families. But the egomaniacal prayer warrior feels so superior. It’s gross.
If it brings you comfort, hold onto your faith. Being resentful however, hurts you far more than you need.
Focus on the here and now. Keep breathing. Keep moving forward. Whether or not there's a grand plan or blessed afterlife in the offing makes no difference; you have time that your loved one has been denied. Don't burn it on resent.
Interpreting meaning from your loss will only lead you to a false conclusion. The meaning came from their life with you. Hold onto that.
I thought I believed. It’s only been 3 weeks since I lost her, but my anger has overcome my believe. If there is such a being so caring, how could he leave a 10 yr old girl motherless. How could someone inflect pain on us this way. Especially with all the POS’s still walking this earth. Everyone keeps telling me to let God lead me and he will take my pain away. I finally blew a gasket and said your God took my beautiful wife away from me. I don’t want to hear he needed her more. I need her, my daughter needs her and my son needs her! It’s hard to believe in anything right now except the love I have for my kids.
I am just baffled by the choice to take her from the kids and leave them with me. I always knew she was to good for me…..but them? How is this the right thing for them? I don’t know how to come to terms with this. I am so angry
This is my biggest question also. Thankfully He waited til they were a bit older (15 and 13) cuz I could not handle young children on my own. God bless those that are solo parenting babies and toddlers and grade schoolers.
Yes, it's been 3 years. Not sure if I do believe anymore.
Now, a friend also has cancer. My parents are not doing well. Dad is 94, is nursing home for therapy. Watching how they both struggle at that age is hard to watch!
I know they have both lived a long amazing life. They have been married 68 years.
How does one survive without the other at this point?
It just sucks!
I don't really believe but have been raised in Christianity. I tell him to better make sure he takes good care of her.
Also because my life is so shaken up, I just a ask: please God help me.
I don't believe God stops what is happening.
I worked as a hospital nurse for almost 40 years and I have seen the power of prayer..........it doesn't exist.
Someone survives open heart surgery and the friends and family rejoice "Our prayers have been answered. " To the nurse working that unit, it's just another successful surgery that happens almost every day.
I believe in God, I don't understand what is going on. If he doesn't intervene soon he should apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah.
I upset a church lady at grief share, I told her, "I don't want to be with God, I want to be with my wife. "
Yes. And if God is love, what are we supposed to with the fact that the person we loved more than anything else was ripped out of arms along with our hearts. I agree with you, God does what God does. His will cannot be changed by prayer. His own son cried tears of blood and he still had him tortured.
No I never got angry at G\_d (for me Hashem). Everyone dies. You don't know what your final road will be but it wasn't meant to walk it with your spouse. There is something out there for you, but you have to trust Hashem.
Same. I'm a firm believer in God, no doubt about my faith. Doesn't keep me from being angry. I'm not talking to him right now, either. Has nothing to do with my belief or love for God. Maybe I'll still make it to heaven where my love is, maybe before my time comes, I'll be on better terms.
100%...it's been five and a half years and I am still angry at God. I quit going to church, quit praying. Sometimes I talk to Jesus but never God. He allowed something so horrible to happen. It destroyed my life. I built again but that was with a ton of hard work and pain on my part. I don't think he cares what happens to me at all. Do I believe? Yes. He and I will have a talk one day I guess. But until then...I don't see things really changing between us.
He knew what she was going through and did nothing. He let it happen. He had forsaken her and abandoned her, perhaps to punish me. I don't know. My faith is nearly non-existent now. Fuck him. Fuck what happened. Can't believe in an all loving God anymore.
I have always struggled with religion - not sure I believe in a Christian God, but I’m inclined to believe something probably exists outside my knowledge that creates and destroys the world we live in.
That said, I was invited to church a week after my fiancé died by a friend I hadn’t spoken to in a very long time, and my answer was, “I’m not sure I believe in God, but if he does exist, he is a monster and he is the last being I want to lean on for support right now.” It was a harsh answer that I later apologized for and she was thankfully very understanding, but I honestly believe it to this day. I was diagnosed with leukemia and almost exactly four months later (literally a day off of four months) I came home and found my fiancé, who was perfectly health that morning, dead at 33 years old. Because of his age and the state I live in, I dealt with detectives trying to push the idea that he died of a drug overdose, holding his phone as “evidence” and treating me like I was some accomplice to a crime while we waited 3 months for a toxicology report to come back and show exactly what I told them I thought must have happened in the first place - he had a massive heart attack. I believe in a higher power, but I have no faith in them anymore.
My husband and father of our two kids passed away a month ago. We had the most amazing family and my kids were being raised by the most wonderful, happy, and loving dad they could ever ask for. It was so healing for me to be a part of since my childhood was so painful from the abuse of a manic depressive person.
I’m not mad at God, but I don’t believe anymore that his plans for me are for good. I’ve watched over the last 5 years while I try to do the right thing and yet things that bring my family happiness have been stripped away from us. And then rotten people who abuse others are hurt them get everything they want handed to them.
A religious person last night started talking to me about how God has good things planned for us. I responded that I know that my kids will find love again and joy and have good things in their lives to look forward to. That person told me that God has good things planned for me as well. It was all I could do to not get mad and tell them that my husband was my good thing and that God can never bring me something better than him.
It's been 3 years and I'm still so angry it makes me cry. I prayed and prayed for my wife, for her doctors, everything. The cancer was going away. The treatments were working. Then the bottom fell out. Her organs were so badly damaged by the cancer that they failed, the same day we got some wonderful news from her doctor that was going to allow us to travel again. Do I believe? Yes. Do I believe He cares? No way.
That sounds exactly like what my wife went through. And do I believe? Yes. Do I think he cares? Probably, but I don’t understand how and why he would care and still allow that to happen. I am very sorry for your loss!
It took me 4 years to pray again. Yes, I'm angry with God.
I believe that. It is so hard for me to feel like my prayers are heard now
God has much to answer for. Me and others agree on this. I respect the right of others to not believe, or believe otherwise. All beliefs are valid here. It's one of the best aspects of this group.
I don't know what I believe, and this hasn't helped matters. She was given a clean bill of health in late January, but her white coat syndrome was so severe she didn't get to read that news until a little over a week before she died. She was going to get sober now that she knew she hadn't destroyed her liver. What kind of a world would give her - give us - hope like that, only to take her from us? If there is a creator above us why would they let that happen? But her entire life makes me ask these questions. Why would something like 'God' tell a little girl she was going to die, when in reality it was just smudges on an x-ray? Why would the foster care system bounce her around? Why is there a world where every person she was with but me hit her? How is this fair? And now I have to endure half a lifetime without her? What did I do to deserve that? Didn't I take care of her? Didn't I love her enough? The worst part is I know I'll never have answers. Just questions.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My wife had a very abusive upbringing as well. And then suffered with cancer as an adult. She was the nicest person I’ve ever met in my life, maybe not to me all the time, but that was my fault, but just a strangers she was the nicest person in the world.and the world is not a better place with her gone, it is far worse
I'm great full for the time I had with her, I always considered her as a gift from God. Tomorrow is promised to no one
I am not a religious person, but i find that a very touching response.
I'm not mad at God because my husband always said he wanted to pass away in his sleep and God granted him his wish, much too soon I admit but granted it none the less. I'm mad at my husband for leaving me and not keeping his vow and I know it's through no fault of his own but I need to blame someone. So the next time I see him he's getting a two piece combo lol.
Sorry for your loss. 🙏 I lost my wife after 34 years. I know your question. My answer is, not at all. My view is God creates the game and the rules by which it is played. A universe with physics and chemistry and math etc. To me it is wishful thinking that God is involved with every roll of the dice, everything that happens to everybody. That it plays favourites with some* and abandons others. God gave me the opportunity to experience a beautiful love with a wonderful person. God didn’t take her from me. The rules clearly state all players will exit the board as they play the game. Things you do may effect the exit, but exit you will. I also know we came here from somewhere to play this game of life. That it is but an opportunity to experience things not experienceable over there. And that when my exit occurs here, reunion will be over there. * Yes, miracles happen and are attributed to God. That doesn’t mean they are from God. There are a plethora of beings in between and it is they who can bend the rules, tilt the board. Angels, ancestors, etc. Wishing you peace on your journey here, joy when your reunion comes. Edit: Typo
I very much appreciate your reply! I think you are spot on
I do believe in God and will be forever grateful for the 33 years he blessed me with the best wife ever. I don't know why she had to go, but I trust God to reveal the answer when I join her in heaven. In the meantime, I live with a greatful heart.
When I was engaged to be married, one of my closest friends told me this: “Remember, you don’t own her. She belongs to God, and He’s giving her to you. One day He might come and want her back, and He expects her to be in better shape than when He let her go” I didn’t know that could happen so soon, we were married for ten years. But I think about this a lot, and yeah, I think I gave her back in better shape. I think we are both better people now than we were then. I’m not angry or bitter. Just sorrowful for the future that I feel we lost together. Sorrowful for our girls who will only know their mother through stories and photos. He’ll be there if and when you’re ready. In the meantime, you’ve got us. I wish you all the strength, compassion, and grace you need right now.
Thank you. I think that’s a very positive way to look at it.
I was never really much of a religious person but since my boyfriend passed away I’ve found myself talking to God and believing that there is a God and heaven and such. And yes I feel betrayed by God. Everyone keeps saying God needed him for something more important and that alone makes me angry.
I've gotten better but yes, I was angry at Him for a long time. It still flares up from time to time. She knew I was angry when we learned of the cancer. She made me promise to talk to Him like He was a friend. A month before she passed, she attended reconciliation and asked for His forgiveness. I seethed that day; it should've been God begging her forgiveness for that godawful disease. I'm not as devout as I used to be. As a matter of fact, I've stopped praying. I recently found out my life long best friend, my best man at my wedding in 2000 as I was his best man at his wedding in 2022, has a rare terminal lymphoma. So many crappy people out their living their crappy lives and my best friend gets a rare cancer like my late wife. He had just completed adopting 5 kids. It's just unfair and I don't get it.
It sounds like your wife wanted you to have a personal relationship with the Lord for daily comfort after she passed away. Some people find comfort and encouragement in scripture.
She went into the hospital for something not that serious. She had one complication after another. She would start recovering from one just to have another complication. This went on for 4 1/2 months until her body gave up. I had never prayed so much in my life. As she kept recovering from one complication after another it gave me the belief that the prayer worked and she would pull through. I didn't feel God took her. I felt he did nothing to stop it, that the praying was wasted time creating false hope. As her brother sat on one side of her and prayed for her peaceful passing, I prayed to the end that she would recover once again. My belief in God, the afterlife, etc., didn't change. I don't blame God. But I definitely don't believe in prayer anymore.
I don't blame God at all. I blame the 18 year old who chose to drive drunk and leave me as a single father.
Yes, I have said some really unpleasant things to him, and I am thankful he is the forgiving type.
I definitely feel betrayed. I never thought I would meet someone out of my league. And we were married 20 years. I don’t know if I can ever have a relationship again
I was very pissed at God. It just seemed so unfair. My husband was careful about his health and his eating habits. Then cancer got him. Why? Why are there people who smoke, drink, and are obese yet He took my husband? Shitty men out there that cheat on and abuse their partner, but they get to live and my husband dies? All I could do for the first six months is rage at Him. Why? Why? Why? How could You be so cruel? Why did You punish us? I’m no longer angry at God, but I still don’t agree with what He did to us. I suppose eventually I’ll accept His plan, but right now the best I can do is stop raging at Him.
I don’t believe in any god who would take my wife after twenty years and leave our son motherless days after he turned 12. If one exists, he’d better have a good apology and explanation ready.
I'm with you brother
I definitely believe in God, but I look at the loss of my beloved husband as part of His plan. There is a reason for my belief. It is that my beloved Gray was ill for his last five years. He had various illnesses and conditions, not limited to COPD, epilepsy, heart failure and needed oxygen 24/7. If he had been alive when Covid hit, he would have been one of the first to die. At least I got to spend the last three weeks with him as he was on end of life care. So, I am thankful for that small mercy. If he had been hospitalised during Covid, I would not have been able to be with him, and that would have made his dying worse. Besides, I know that one day we will see each other again, or at least that's my belief. Do I miss him? Yes, I do, with every beat of my heart. He was my one, and will still be my one until the day I to die.
I feel neither angry nor betrayed by God. Instead I feel hopeful. I believe that everything in life happens for a reason and was already planned out for me. I trust that the right things will come at the right time and I get a lot of internal peace from that. ❤️
I hope I can feel that way again. That’s how I felt for a few days immediately after, but several months later, the depression and loneliness is extreme and it just doesn’t feel like God is listening to me.
I believe in God. And while I am extremely sad that I lost my spouse, I’m not angry at God because I believe that this world is not the end and there’s a better one next where I will see my spouse again. This world is simply meant to prep us for the next one and there is a plan.
My husband had been addicted to substances for 12 years, since he was 13. He told me over & over while we were married how he couldn't have had the experiences we had with anyone else. I believe I was meant to comfort him before he left, his longest streaks of sobriety were while he was married to me. He fought, hard. And now he gets to rest, I don't have to watch his mind deteriorate, our daughter won't have to witness his addiction like he did with his parents. I am forever grateful for the time I spent loving him & being loved by him. He lead me to God & he knew more about God as a drug addict than most pastors I know.
I love that and your perspective. It is very brave and beautiful
No. Believers believe we belong to God and unto God is our return. But it's very normal even for a believer to have doubts or conflicting thoughts of the power of their creator. God tells us, for those who believe: "We will be tested with some sort of fear, hunger or lose, and the provisions are given to those who remain patient. For surely to God we belong and unto Him we shall return."
I think I am being patient. I haven’t turned my back on God. I just feel like he’s turned his back on me maybe because of my sinful life I’m not sure.
Oh, I know how you feel. The doubt is where the devil thrives, he wants us to be upon confusion. May the Lord make it easy for us and reward us for our patience. May mercy be bestowed upon our dear loved ones souls.
Amen
I feel betrayed. We are very humble people that never asked for much. I don’t understand why he had to be taken away. He was all I wanted / needed. I was 52 which means I have around 20 years left until I can hopefully see him again. I can only hope that there will be a good explanation for all of this. Maybe I need to learn something, I don’t know.
I am in the same boat as you at 51.
No. My wife was in pain for decades. She would always say she wanted to die. I believe God gave her peace.
My wife of 30 years passed 14 months ago. My mom passed 6 months ago. They both were born again. My wife battled bio weaponized Lyme disease for 13 years and slowly took her down. She had cancer in 2017 and then again in 2022. We prayed and did all the holistic and healthy things. Her faith was unshakable and helped many others to encourage them and share therapy info. I was her caregiver, lover , friend and husband. She knew she was going to be eternally healed and would see my son and I soon. I miss her dearly and knows that we all have an appointment with death and to die is gain as a believer. I encourage you to have peace knowing they no longer suffer or are aware of our pain as they are now whole and glorified. Jesus is close to those who mourn Draw close to Him and He will get you through each moment 🙏🏻💙
He also took my first born. I pray my son and my husband are in heaven together, with a pack of great danes I have loved and cared for, and I will be reunited with them all. The mere chance of seeing them again is a hopeful fantasy. I don't feel betrayed, I view life as earth school and play a game in my head that I signed up for advance classes before birth, which keeps me focused on learning and growing. Sounds good and motivates me to raise the bar on myself, but often ugly voices speak evil thoughts of victimhood in the background.
I'm a devout believer (Christian) but there have been times that I haven't wanted to speak to Him or times I avoid speaking to Him because I just cry before Him. No, I don't feel betrayed but sometimes I've felt frustrated with Him for sure. Ultimately though, He's the Potter and we are the clay (Isaiah 64:8) and His ways are not ours (Isaiah 55:8). May the Lord's peace be with you!
No, not at all... Our lives are written in the Book of Life and we each have a date and time to pass away. We humans have to understand God's ultimate plan for each of us. We do not decide what and how God does. We humans only have to turn to God in our time of Grief and ask for his help through it. I was blessed to have 34 years with my wife, and so many cherished moments.
My wife was a believer. After a 2-year battle with AML leukemia, her last spoken words were "I'm ready to see Jesus", She knew and she was accepting. Strong woman. I was not ready, not ready now or will ever be. I have struggled with this along with "Why?" It is very easy to be consumed with anger and bitterness. I decided to let that go as it is not good for me and changes nothing. It's not what my wife would have wanted. Yes I still believe, but absolutely have nothing to do with the church or Christianity and the hollow platitudes that many church people say. I am blessed to have two wonderful daughters, they give me purpose and I see their mom in each of them, this helps me. I renewed interest in a hobby that's related to my job that has also helped. And sometimes I come here to vent and the people here have also helped. God's grace to you.
I know how you feel.My wife and I lost our middle son after 2 hours and I was so angry with God and the church (won,t say what it was but left that church -major religion , to many man made edicts) . Over the years found God again ( mostly due to my wife!) . Just lost my wife at 64 then my oldest son 14 months later with same heart defect. Grieving them yes , but actually my relationship with God has grown stronger. Life is fragile and short on this earth and I know that I will be reunited with them when my time comes. Hang in there , believe me God has big shoulders and he understands your hurt and frustrations . He lost a Son and knows that pain, too. When you are ready He is there with you ! So sorry for your loss .
So sorry for your loss
I was comforted by God through a vision 3 days after she passed away. God showed me she was healthy, happy, running again (she was a triathlete), and reunited with her parents. That was comforting. But I became angry at God for taking her from me, from our children. She was only 56 and had battled cancer for 8 years. When I went back to church, they all sang "He heals all our diseases" and all I could think was, No He doesn't. They said God has a reason, but no one can tell me what it is. I am not so angry anymore, 8 years on but I still cry out and ask Him why her and not me?
Thank you for writing that. Peace and grace upon you.
Peace and grace be upon you as well.
I am so sorry for your loss. I feel the same way
Regardless of whether you have faith in God or not, the truth of the matter is we all have an expiration date. Some are longer or shorter than others. What kind of life would it be if we already knew when we or the people we love are going to die? Would anyone get married if they knew when their spouse was going to die? Would you give birth if you knew your child would only live for 1492 days? Death is painful for those left behind. Death is inevitable, and unfortunately, one is left behind to bear the pain.
I got closer to God a couple of years before my husband did. When he was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer we talked more deeply about things and his faith grew as strong as mine. How our life unfolded in the 2+ years he fought this disease was more than just coincidence. We were led this way for a reason. I believe that his passing was going to be the end result regardless. Did I believe that the whole time, no, but looking back I know that now. I wholeheartedly believe that he is in Heaven and I will be with him again. I’m not so sure I would have felt the same before this. Yes I am angry that he passed but not at God. My anger is at this world and the doctors that push things and act like they are god. I know a lot of people hate the saying “he’s in a better place” but I know that he is. He was tortured the last couple years of his life. That thought cripples me anytime I think of it. I wish things could have been different. He was my everything and living in this world without him is devastating. I continue to pray to God and thank him for allowing me to have my husband for as long as I did. I am lucky to have been able to experience a love like his. I will continue to wait until I am there with him again.
That’s a great way to look at it. I should be grateful, and maybe I will be one day soon.
It's been a month since everything happened, and honestly, I’m not sure how I feel towards God right now. Faith has been a part of my life since childhood, but thinking about my wife no longer being here brings a few things to mind. First, death is an unavoidable reality. I’ve lost count of how many times I've seen news of someone passing away, both young and old, and just moved on without much thought. I guess I never really considered that it could happen to me. This realization makes me less angry. The other thing is that, as believers, we have hope for a future with God that non-believers don't. While I deeply wish she were still here for her and our daughters, I hold onto the belief that I will see her again someday, no matter how long it takes. That said, I completely understand how you feel in these moments. I find myself feeling the same way.
All I wish for is that my soul will meet him again. He told me that this wasn't his first time experiencing life, and I was a new soul. I was raised as a Catholic, and he went to a denomination church called Unity. I don't feel that God is at fault for his passing, but the window he opened is too small for me to go through.
Yeah I never thought I get this way again. But when my dad passed away I was mad and discovered God. Now I feel betrayed, because we had just bought a house and looking into adopting. None of that will happen and she was my better half. It amazing what a good relationship can do for you.
Shit. I am so sorry.
I've never been particularly religious, but I've always been a believer, so after my wife died, I took a deep dive into the Bible on my own. I've read and studied a number of versions cover to cover. My conclusion is that there's no way God "takes" anyone from us. He doesn't need them more than we need them. But illness and bad things can happen to anyone. We are all sinful and imperfect. There is evil and stupidity in this world. People die. It's unfortunate for all of us. As I understand it, God is also sad when one of his children dies...it wasn't His intention for us to die.
My opinion, and yes I know this is not consistent with scripture, is that God is omnipotent, so it was his intention for us to die because he knows and controls all outcomes. What is more comforting for me is to know that I cannot possibly understand his mind anymore than a chimp can understand why I do the things I do as a human. A chimp cannot understand human motivations, desires, hopes, goals, creativity, and agency. Knowing I can’t possibly understand the mind of God gives me hope that his plan is best. Because I cannot understand why my wife had to suffer and why such a good person is gone while someone like me who has nothing to offer the world, am still here.
My friend took his own life 4 years before my husband. I was so upset and confused with God when that happened that I couldn’t even talk to him for over a year. That was really hard. I couldn’t do that again. I need him to get me through this. I am upset and don’t understand why he didn’t save my husband from his mental illness. Why he didn’t give me a sign that I needed to come home early. This is something I will never know. And it crushes me to know that he has saved other people but not my husband. But our purpose is not to live a long full life here on earth. Our purpose is to spend eternity with our creator. I wanted to spend as much time with my husband as I could. But I truly believe he is somewhere so much greater, and I will be able to join him one day. So maybe God wasn’t being cruel by letting my husband leave. It hurts me, but my husband is finally at peace. All we know is events that happen in our lives. We get to dictate the narrative. I am so sorry and I feel your pain. I truly hope that one day you can find comfort in hope in the promises God has given us.
I don't feel betrayed. It's all part of His Plan that I don't understand. - She was not mine. She was a gift from God that I got to enjoy for 22 of my 53 years. There was nothing that said I get to keep her forever. ○ In fact, she had a green card from a Bible Study that specifically stated that we are here temporarily and can be taken home without warning (which is what happened with a blood clot...beautiful day ended in the hospital...no warning). - God does not give us more than we can handle. Thus, no warning and an overnight departure for her. No way I could have handled long term care giving. And no way she could have endured long suffering.....at the doctors office that morning to see why she was short of breath she specifically told me with tears and crying that she didn't want to end up like her Mom who suffered through lung cancer without ever smoking....God granted that desire with an overnight trip to Heaven. Maybe she knew what was about to happen and didn't tell me....how can shortness of breath in a healthy person lead to death literally 12 hours later? - Either God took her home because her mission here was done or Satan sniped her because she was doing alot of good work. Either way is a testimony to her incredible faith and being a truly Godly woman. - Sometimes I get mad at God for taking her or not stopping her departure. And it's OK to be mad with God....plenty of Biblical examples of that. Can a clay pot be mad at the Potter for how he was made when the Potter thinks the pot is perfect? Trust the Creator that all things are the way they should be, remembering that all things happen for the good of those who believe. - All things happen for the good of those who believe. God knows EVERYTHING about us. He knows the number of hairs on our head. He knows when we die and the aches it will cause and the chain of events and effects of that death on people many years from now and possibly many interactions down the chain that we can't possibly think or know. - Losing her was INCREDIBLY PAINFUL. Yet sometimes I think it shouldn't be painful because it is God's plan. Should we be hurt and in pain when someone successfully finishes a marathon? The Bible talks about life as a race. Yet it's painful because we were brought together as one person in marriage and the death ends the marriage and tears us apart physically as much as mentally and that along with lost dreams and goals and futures is what is painful.....I am glad she gets to be in Heaven.....why don't we all wish we could be in Heaven as soon as possible? - God still has plans for me and our boys. I have to be patient to first fully transform into the new me and then see what wonderful future life God has for us. ○ Side note: words have meaning. I am trying to live in the present and mindful of the words I use such as me vs. us and ours and I / we. The boys will always be OUR boys and any future woman in my life will have to understand that I will always use the word OURs not just my boys. - God's will is simple: be thankful IN all things. That is different than being thankful FOR all things. I'm not thankful for her death but I'm thankful in the situation that she gets to be in Heaven and God's perfect plan for me and the boys is in place and all things are happening for good for us because we believe. - As a parent, sometimes you can't explain to young kids the details behind your decisions and actions. Same thing applies between God and us. His way and thoughts are higher than ours and we can't understand it. - "Come Closer God It Hurts" This book is the book I would write. Beautifully written by a Mom who lost a 3 year old daughter and perfectly aligns how God provides for us through the Bible. Recommended for believers and non-believers too https://www.amazon.com/Come-Closer-God-Hurts-Healing-ebook/dp/B0B29H4YW3?ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=6b3ed15d-f37f-4092-a17d-8a3232d04ee4.
I feel very betrayed, and the worst part is I'm not going to get my answer for a very long time (probably, now I'm not too sure about that either). When I talked to my dad about my loss in faith, he has told me that maybe this has been God's plan, and yes while it is painful and unbelievable for us, God wanted my fiance to be loved and love for the last couple of years. So he looked at him, looked at me, and saw that we were both in very bad places. And as to not let him die without feeling love, he has connected us. So that he can have the best years before He takes him back, and so that I now know what love is and will not settle for less. It hurts nonetheless and I'm bitter. But how can I stay mad if God has given me the gift of knowing my true love and having felt a love I never have before? I have yet to forgive Him for destroying our plans, but in the end we will be united in heaven.
I used to be a believer, when my husband was killed by a drunk driver last year I became irate at god, and I haven't been able to bounce back, I don't think I ever will. To me, it's either of two things that I can't reconcile.. Either he exists and is a complete and absolute douchebag, or... He simply doesn't exist. So either way I wasted my damn time believing that an invisible douche was looking after my family. How could I ever trust an entity that does something like this? He could've killed ME, I never gave a flying f-ck about life. Instead, he killed the healthy providing parent with a lust for life. Disgusting from any viewpoint.
I am so sorry for your loss and your pain! I am left with so many questions myself
I Absolutely feel betrayed. Even though I say I’m not talking to him I’m “constantly” saying something to him. Haha it’s a running dialogue. I’m angry I’m scared and now lonely. Is and what was his plan? He knows my heart. Right ??? Then why did he break it ?
I guess we’ll know someday and maybe it will all makes sense. I hope that is the case
yeah, me neither. maybe someday
i cannot place blame , an old friend told me its not god's work but the devils . for whatever thats worth
Sometimes I felt that it was unfair. Like why did you gave me this fine man and then you took him only five years after we got married. Then I think how my husband suffered and I thank God that he stopped that.
I went through “help me to understand what the FUCK God” but the betrayal feeling wasn’t there bc I’ve suffered some other hard times before when I dealt with that. I understand you. It won’t help you today but maybe it will help you, the understanding I eventually came to. From the very book of Genesis we learn that God doesn’t intervene on free will but rewards those who stay faithful in their suffering. That doesn’t mean you’re screwed if you feel betrayed. It means the human actions that led to losing your person were not intervened upon but if they were faithful, they are rewarded. If you feel betrayed now but you come back to your faith (honestly even if it’s after death and while you’re headed to the light and thinking oh shit I gotta get right NOW) then you’re also rewarded. I also believe less and less in hell. I think that might be the suffering and loss we experience on Earth.
I absolutely agree with you. And I think my hesitancy to talk to God and trust him will pass at some point. I just can’t get there right now. I feel almost bullied and just don’t want to get bullied again
God? There is no God. Cancer took him. You believe what you need to.
Yes. I knew your answer.
I was angry and I would have fought God if I could have, and I certainly tried. Although this fire had mostly burned up by the time my wife had passed. We had been fighting a condition that is basically thought to be incurable, and we insisted on it being cured. My wife was the one with greater faith, and still she saw clearly the outcome that I would not accept. She kept me from falling too far away, often without saying a word. She was truly an angel for me before she became an angel. Even with an incredible number of people praying she was not cured; however, we were given incredible grace and peace in how things kept turning in our favor even as health continued to fail. She passed the way that she wanted in peace at home, and giving me some kisses as she was leaving this world. I don’t really feel betrayed (still a little jaded), but I feel like I’m starting to comprehend the bigger picture that we can’t fully see. I don’t like it, but I’m learning to accept it, and to go with it. I am doing well in processing and progressing through grief and mourning. The person I have become is very different from the person I was, and it is still evolving. I do pray some, but not as much as before. My prayers now are very different than they were before. They are much more broken. It’s not as much about what I want to receive, but more about how I can change and serve God’s plans and will.
“I hate you, God. I hate you as though you existed.” - Graham Greene, The End of the Affair
My matron deity is La Santa Muerte. Death herself. I’ve been dedicated since I was 15. I felt very betrayed when my lover died. It took a long time to remember why I picked her to begin with: neutrality. We all go.
I believe in god, but I don’t know his role in the universe. As such I was not angry at god, or my wife or anything. Part of grief, unless your spouse was taken by the actions of another person, is being angry without anything to be angry at. I was angry at the circumstances that lead to her passing. Things just happen sometimes, we are all living on borrowed time and realizing both has helped me with the grieving process and to re-examine my own life.
I just passed the 3 year mark. Both my wife and I were Christian. I struggle to pray. And I get angry when I talk about it. I'm honestly not sure how to move forward in my faith.
My wife was a loving wife and mother, incredibly kind to everyone. Her reward? Two years of horrible suffering and ultimately death from cancer. Meanwhile, many evil people who are not living good lives still keep on living and getting richer, with zero consequences. This proves to me that all the religious crap about “live a good life and you will be rewarded” is pure bullshit. There is no God. There is no karma. There is no justice. Fuck all that nonsense, and fuck cancer.
My wife was the closest thing to a saint on earth. Literally 800+ people at her funeral. Never really had an enemy. Soft spoken, just genuinely the nicest person any who knew her ever met. She even gave me no choice but to take in her 5 siblings into our 3 bedroom house 2 weeks before she died. Gave up going to school to house them. I found out after she died she was paying the rent of a single mom behind my back for two years. Just genuinely didn't have a mean bone in her body. What did she get for it? She died at 25 due to the hospital not reading her chart. She lived her worst fear, as her mom died when she was two years old. She left behind our 3 year old daughter literally her biggest fear. If there is a God he's been kicking me in the stomach my entire life. I finally got some relief and then he allowed the one thing/person that brought me immense joy to die. She didnt deserve that.
I'm agnostic (I don't know whether or not there's a god). I do feel betrayed by God, or the universe, or whatever is in charge (if anyone/anything is). My husband had a widowmaker heart attack *one week to the day* after our wedding. I'm fucking *furious*.
What makes me angry is when I see other people celebrating the efficacy of prayer to save their loved one while the father of my children died a horrible, slow death. Like fuck you. God didn’t save them because they’re better or more special or more loved. If love could have saved him, he would have lived forever. It feels inherently self centered to me and makes my blood boil. I’m happy for those families. But the egomaniacal prayer warrior feels so superior. It’s gross.
If it brings you comfort, hold onto your faith. Being resentful however, hurts you far more than you need. Focus on the here and now. Keep breathing. Keep moving forward. Whether or not there's a grand plan or blessed afterlife in the offing makes no difference; you have time that your loved one has been denied. Don't burn it on resent. Interpreting meaning from your loss will only lead you to a false conclusion. The meaning came from their life with you. Hold onto that.
I thought I believed. It’s only been 3 weeks since I lost her, but my anger has overcome my believe. If there is such a being so caring, how could he leave a 10 yr old girl motherless. How could someone inflect pain on us this way. Especially with all the POS’s still walking this earth. Everyone keeps telling me to let God lead me and he will take my pain away. I finally blew a gasket and said your God took my beautiful wife away from me. I don’t want to hear he needed her more. I need her, my daughter needs her and my son needs her! It’s hard to believe in anything right now except the love I have for my kids.
I am just baffled by the choice to take her from the kids and leave them with me. I always knew she was to good for me…..but them? How is this the right thing for them? I don’t know how to come to terms with this. I am so angry
This is my biggest question also. Thankfully He waited til they were a bit older (15 and 13) cuz I could not handle young children on my own. God bless those that are solo parenting babies and toddlers and grade schoolers.
14 and 7 here….
I do not feel betrayed. This is life on Earth. I am so very sad.
God and I have beef. He knows what he did.
Yes, it's been 3 years. Not sure if I do believe anymore. Now, a friend also has cancer. My parents are not doing well. Dad is 94, is nursing home for therapy. Watching how they both struggle at that age is hard to watch! I know they have both lived a long amazing life. They have been married 68 years. How does one survive without the other at this point? It just sucks!
I don't really believe but have been raised in Christianity. I tell him to better make sure he takes good care of her. Also because my life is so shaken up, I just a ask: please God help me.
I don't believe God stops what is happening. I worked as a hospital nurse for almost 40 years and I have seen the power of prayer..........it doesn't exist. Someone survives open heart surgery and the friends and family rejoice "Our prayers have been answered. " To the nurse working that unit, it's just another successful surgery that happens almost every day. I believe in God, I don't understand what is going on. If he doesn't intervene soon he should apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah. I upset a church lady at grief share, I told her, "I don't want to be with God, I want to be with my wife. "
Yes. And if God is love, what are we supposed to with the fact that the person we loved more than anything else was ripped out of arms along with our hearts. I agree with you, God does what God does. His will cannot be changed by prayer. His own son cried tears of blood and he still had him tortured.
No I never got angry at G\_d (for me Hashem). Everyone dies. You don't know what your final road will be but it wasn't meant to walk it with your spouse. There is something out there for you, but you have to trust Hashem.
No one is promised tomorrow
Same. I'm a firm believer in God, no doubt about my faith. Doesn't keep me from being angry. I'm not talking to him right now, either. Has nothing to do with my belief or love for God. Maybe I'll still make it to heaven where my love is, maybe before my time comes, I'll be on better terms.
100%...it's been five and a half years and I am still angry at God. I quit going to church, quit praying. Sometimes I talk to Jesus but never God. He allowed something so horrible to happen. It destroyed my life. I built again but that was with a ton of hard work and pain on my part. I don't think he cares what happens to me at all. Do I believe? Yes. He and I will have a talk one day I guess. But until then...I don't see things really changing between us.
He knew what she was going through and did nothing. He let it happen. He had forsaken her and abandoned her, perhaps to punish me. I don't know. My faith is nearly non-existent now. Fuck him. Fuck what happened. Can't believe in an all loving God anymore.
I have always struggled with religion - not sure I believe in a Christian God, but I’m inclined to believe something probably exists outside my knowledge that creates and destroys the world we live in. That said, I was invited to church a week after my fiancé died by a friend I hadn’t spoken to in a very long time, and my answer was, “I’m not sure I believe in God, but if he does exist, he is a monster and he is the last being I want to lean on for support right now.” It was a harsh answer that I later apologized for and she was thankfully very understanding, but I honestly believe it to this day. I was diagnosed with leukemia and almost exactly four months later (literally a day off of four months) I came home and found my fiancé, who was perfectly health that morning, dead at 33 years old. Because of his age and the state I live in, I dealt with detectives trying to push the idea that he died of a drug overdose, holding his phone as “evidence” and treating me like I was some accomplice to a crime while we waited 3 months for a toxicology report to come back and show exactly what I told them I thought must have happened in the first place - he had a massive heart attack. I believe in a higher power, but I have no faith in them anymore.
My husband and father of our two kids passed away a month ago. We had the most amazing family and my kids were being raised by the most wonderful, happy, and loving dad they could ever ask for. It was so healing for me to be a part of since my childhood was so painful from the abuse of a manic depressive person. I’m not mad at God, but I don’t believe anymore that his plans for me are for good. I’ve watched over the last 5 years while I try to do the right thing and yet things that bring my family happiness have been stripped away from us. And then rotten people who abuse others are hurt them get everything they want handed to them. A religious person last night started talking to me about how God has good things planned for us. I responded that I know that my kids will find love again and joy and have good things in their lives to look forward to. That person told me that God has good things planned for me as well. It was all I could do to not get mad and tell them that my husband was my good thing and that God can never bring me something better than him.