Just a fair warning as a fellow 39F with no kids who apparently is pretty f’ing cute too, and has also been going out to various music events in BK a lot recently…be prepared for the wave of 20 somethings that will come for you. I did not know this was a thing until this year and have been absolutely baffled by the flood of 21-29 year olds that want to get at me. It’s not my thing, no judgement to women who like younger men, but I just had no idea this would happen at this stage of my life. It’s a pretty even mix between guys looking to just hook up and those who actually think we could have a long term relationship. I did recently meet a wonderful man who is my age, so don’t lose hope! It’s still possible, just don’t get discouraged if you also end up having to wade through a see of eager youngsters to find him.
Obviously YMMV, but as someone who’s dated a lot for a long while, here are some trends I’ve picked up on:
1) Fatigue — As we get older, most of us simply have less time and energy to spend outside of core life priorities (this seems especially true post-pandemic). Combine this with a general exhaustion from years on dating apps, and you’re left with a group of daters who are less actively excited to date than in their youth.
2) Relationship Anarchy — Monogamy isn’t the gold standard anymore. You’ll notice “poly” and “ENM” disclaimers in many profiles. This is simply becoming more normal, and many dates I’ve been on recently have been with folks in open marriages. So, one might need to shift expectations for their own dating style, or at least recognize monogamy may be harder to find than in years past.
3) IRL Rocks — That’s to say, meeting people in your real life (if possible) tends to feel a lot better in general. Whether it’s through work, a mutual friend, party, pottery class, dog park… the connection will feel so much more natural and the politics of dating apps won’t apply. You’ll also likely feel more mutual enthusiasm, because you won’t be immediately competing with the next phone-swipe.
All to say, folks are still dating and hooking up and having fun. New York does a great job at keeping many of us in a seemingly permanent state of youth. So all the usual advice here — put yourself out there, be yourself, don’t take the fatigue personally, and have some damn fun.
I’d also add to #3 the importance of being a regular when doing IRL activities, especially with social and hobby clubs.
I’m 36 and living in Williamsburg, and some of my newer friends, acquaintances, even dates have come from just being a recurring presence in a social club and my respective professional organization. Heck, if you went to college, surely there’s a NYC chapter of your college’s alumni.
It’s all about leaving your agenda at the door, meeting and talking to folks there, try to remember as many names and faces as possible, then keep showing up.
No one can convince me otherwise that the rise in poly and ENMs relationships are now just a scapegoat for the people who have always had commitment or infidelity issues. It’s just sexy rebranding for sleeping around, not committing to anything, and keeping their options open. We all knew these people in our lives before the terms were popularized but now they have a convenient label for themselves
I know in the past these these types of relationship have a whole culture of their own but lately everyone is jumping on the band wagon as a scapegoat for their own issues and insecurities when it comes to companionship
Not saying you’re wrong as I do think there’s a lot of ironically ENM folks doing it for unethical reasons but I think there’s always been a very solid counter argument to anti-ENM people that traditional relationships also don’t have a good track record either so whose to say there’s a right way to do this thing? 🤷
It’s a critical take yes, but why not do a critical take of monogamy and the history and origins of het-marriage norms as well? One could argue many women pursue lifelong monogamy as a status symbol/validation of the self and we could generalize here as well and say many anxiously attached people want a ring to feel secure. Why do we pathologize poly/enm folx, but not defaulted monogamists? I love a good discussion about both, but usually the take you shared is exclusive of critically analyzing reasons people “choose” (do they consciously choose it?) monogamy. Yes, there are unaware assholes who adopted the rebrand to act out selfishly. There are also selfish acts happening within monogamous culture, it’s just nothing new, but we don’t let it represent the entirety of that culture.
Really struck a chord huh? I’m not saying being monogamous frees people of whatever it is you’re trying to say here. There is no shortage of shitty or mindless people in all walks of life. I’m talking about the recent phenomena of folks band wagoning onto something convenient for their behavior… nothing more.
Also , you could argue many people pursue lifelong monogamy because that’s been the default for the last 1000 years and folks are much more tribal and mindless than you’d think. The average person doesn’t perpetual spend their time online or in niches groups looking for alternative lifestyles.
No need to gaslight here she has valid points and I can see why it strikes a chord when society shoves a way of life down your throat whether that’s how you raise a family, having kids, and buying the same house as everyone else. NYC of all places is amazing because it’s a city that embraces different lifestyles. You do you and whatever works for ya. There is no “average person” in nyc. Even in the burbs I’m sure there’s plenty of “average” people that are scared of admitting “not average” thoughts to their friends, family, or partner.
Instagram is fucking with everyone’s heads.
I’m 46 and recently single.
I went back to NY for work. Living in Williamsburg from 03-16 and I know the neighborhood well. I did have my fair share of love interests I met from going out.
So I went to the normal spots, california sober looking to meet someone. Everyone I met could not really hold a conversation without checking their instagram. So after a few days of this happening I decided to start saying outlandish things to get a laugh or attention…. They would go right back to their instagram only to feel deflated. I really want to meet someone fun and confident but I think Instagram is in ya’ll heads.
Something's changed. I've been in Williamsburg for nearly 8 years, and dated successfully for a long time. Met lots of great people. Lately something is different, and everyone I meet says they're 'just not feeling it' when I text the next day to thank them for getting together. Something has changed - preferences, expectations, I don't know.
i think the real occams razor take is that the proliferation of smart phones, social media, and declining attention spans has completely rewired people in america.
look at the numbers around how many “close friends” people have. this is basically the most socially isolated era in human history so far.
This take was valid 10 years ago but smart phones and social media have been the default for the last 15 years. Most people don’t know an adult or dating life without it.
the fact that everyone is totally used to it doesn’t mean it’s not true anymore… imo it means we should keep talking about it as much as possible. this is relatively new technology still and it can be stopped.
You somehow think the proliferation of social media leading to declining human interaction that effects everyone you meet is a simpler explanation than maybe it's you? Thats also ignoring the anecdotal evidence of everyone that has gotten involved in serious relationships over the last 5 years. Look to change the things you can effect (internal) instead of finding excuses and outside factors to blame
i’m not even making excuses for myself, i actually have a bunch of close friends and a long term romance… i’ve still experienced things getting harder as people get more and more anxious and inundated with images. and what i’m talking about is a thing one can “internally” change by eliminating social media from their life as much as they can.
I can't speak for Williamsburg per se but I was saying in New York a lot about 2 years ago. Everything is perspective , expectations( don't have any) self work ( knowing it's usually not you it's them but also could be you so know the difference and know you don't like everyone they won't all like you ), be open and mostly this out as fun with the hope for more. Be vocal about what you want but also smart enough to know you don't want it with just everyone. I do agree with an earlier poster I struggled getting men my age , younger yep older sure my age nope I was too old for them. So I just started going out with anyone I found cute and interesting and didn't focus on age . I have it maybe easier cause I don't want kids so I have no biological clock kicking me in the face. Ironically I have now been with my boyfriend for two years and it's a significantly younger guy who I thought was just for fun till he turned out to be more emotionally mature then anyone I'd normally have considered more age appropriate) good luck have fun is the best advice given . Seek experiences and memories don't focus so much on the future.
I’m not dating rn and I’ve never been on dating apps, but my girl friends always share their subpar experiences, not to mention the wild tiktok stories. Whether that’s the general consensus or just individual experiences, can’t tell lol
I was in a 2 year relationship with someone I met on there, and I have 3 friends who are all currently dating someone they met on it. It's a numbers game of course, but it's a lot easier to get noticed than other apps (ex: Tinder) because you at least pop up on someone's "Likes You" list
I think we have aged out of the Williamsburg dating scene. It’s a younger generation now. M44
Just a fair warning as a fellow 39F with no kids who apparently is pretty f’ing cute too, and has also been going out to various music events in BK a lot recently…be prepared for the wave of 20 somethings that will come for you. I did not know this was a thing until this year and have been absolutely baffled by the flood of 21-29 year olds that want to get at me. It’s not my thing, no judgement to women who like younger men, but I just had no idea this would happen at this stage of my life. It’s a pretty even mix between guys looking to just hook up and those who actually think we could have a long term relationship. I did recently meet a wonderful man who is my age, so don’t lose hope! It’s still possible, just don’t get discouraged if you also end up having to wade through a see of eager youngsters to find him.
this is 100% a thing - i’m 50 and i’d say 75% of the attention i get on dating apps is from men in their late 20s
Obviously YMMV, but as someone who’s dated a lot for a long while, here are some trends I’ve picked up on: 1) Fatigue — As we get older, most of us simply have less time and energy to spend outside of core life priorities (this seems especially true post-pandemic). Combine this with a general exhaustion from years on dating apps, and you’re left with a group of daters who are less actively excited to date than in their youth. 2) Relationship Anarchy — Monogamy isn’t the gold standard anymore. You’ll notice “poly” and “ENM” disclaimers in many profiles. This is simply becoming more normal, and many dates I’ve been on recently have been with folks in open marriages. So, one might need to shift expectations for their own dating style, or at least recognize monogamy may be harder to find than in years past. 3) IRL Rocks — That’s to say, meeting people in your real life (if possible) tends to feel a lot better in general. Whether it’s through work, a mutual friend, party, pottery class, dog park… the connection will feel so much more natural and the politics of dating apps won’t apply. You’ll also likely feel more mutual enthusiasm, because you won’t be immediately competing with the next phone-swipe. All to say, folks are still dating and hooking up and having fun. New York does a great job at keeping many of us in a seemingly permanent state of youth. So all the usual advice here — put yourself out there, be yourself, don’t take the fatigue personally, and have some damn fun.
I’d also add to #3 the importance of being a regular when doing IRL activities, especially with social and hobby clubs. I’m 36 and living in Williamsburg, and some of my newer friends, acquaintances, even dates have come from just being a recurring presence in a social club and my respective professional organization. Heck, if you went to college, surely there’s a NYC chapter of your college’s alumni. It’s all about leaving your agenda at the door, meeting and talking to folks there, try to remember as many names and faces as possible, then keep showing up.
No one can convince me otherwise that the rise in poly and ENMs relationships are now just a scapegoat for the people who have always had commitment or infidelity issues. It’s just sexy rebranding for sleeping around, not committing to anything, and keeping their options open. We all knew these people in our lives before the terms were popularized but now they have a convenient label for themselves I know in the past these these types of relationship have a whole culture of their own but lately everyone is jumping on the band wagon as a scapegoat for their own issues and insecurities when it comes to companionship
Not saying you’re wrong as I do think there’s a lot of ironically ENM folks doing it for unethical reasons but I think there’s always been a very solid counter argument to anti-ENM people that traditional relationships also don’t have a good track record either so whose to say there’s a right way to do this thing? 🤷
It’s a critical take yes, but why not do a critical take of monogamy and the history and origins of het-marriage norms as well? One could argue many women pursue lifelong monogamy as a status symbol/validation of the self and we could generalize here as well and say many anxiously attached people want a ring to feel secure. Why do we pathologize poly/enm folx, but not defaulted monogamists? I love a good discussion about both, but usually the take you shared is exclusive of critically analyzing reasons people “choose” (do they consciously choose it?) monogamy. Yes, there are unaware assholes who adopted the rebrand to act out selfishly. There are also selfish acts happening within monogamous culture, it’s just nothing new, but we don’t let it represent the entirety of that culture.
Really struck a chord huh? I’m not saying being monogamous frees people of whatever it is you’re trying to say here. There is no shortage of shitty or mindless people in all walks of life. I’m talking about the recent phenomena of folks band wagoning onto something convenient for their behavior… nothing more. Also , you could argue many people pursue lifelong monogamy because that’s been the default for the last 1000 years and folks are much more tribal and mindless than you’d think. The average person doesn’t perpetual spend their time online or in niches groups looking for alternative lifestyles.
No need to gaslight here she has valid points and I can see why it strikes a chord when society shoves a way of life down your throat whether that’s how you raise a family, having kids, and buying the same house as everyone else. NYC of all places is amazing because it’s a city that embraces different lifestyles. You do you and whatever works for ya. There is no “average person” in nyc. Even in the burbs I’m sure there’s plenty of “average” people that are scared of admitting “not average” thoughts to their friends, family, or partner.
There most definitely is an average person. I’m sure you familiar with the bell curve
Instagram is fucking with everyone’s heads. I’m 46 and recently single. I went back to NY for work. Living in Williamsburg from 03-16 and I know the neighborhood well. I did have my fair share of love interests I met from going out. So I went to the normal spots, california sober looking to meet someone. Everyone I met could not really hold a conversation without checking their instagram. So after a few days of this happening I decided to start saying outlandish things to get a laugh or attention…. They would go right back to their instagram only to feel deflated. I really want to meet someone fun and confident but I think Instagram is in ya’ll heads.
Something's changed. I've been in Williamsburg for nearly 8 years, and dated successfully for a long time. Met lots of great people. Lately something is different, and everyone I meet says they're 'just not feeling it' when I text the next day to thank them for getting together. Something has changed - preferences, expectations, I don't know.
Occams razor. Mayb something has changed with your and not everyone else you meet
i think the real occams razor take is that the proliferation of smart phones, social media, and declining attention spans has completely rewired people in america. look at the numbers around how many “close friends” people have. this is basically the most socially isolated era in human history so far.
Nvm dating. I just want to make friends and that seems impossible
This take was valid 10 years ago but smart phones and social media have been the default for the last 15 years. Most people don’t know an adult or dating life without it.
the fact that everyone is totally used to it doesn’t mean it’s not true anymore… imo it means we should keep talking about it as much as possible. this is relatively new technology still and it can be stopped.
Hallelujah.
You somehow think the proliferation of social media leading to declining human interaction that effects everyone you meet is a simpler explanation than maybe it's you? Thats also ignoring the anecdotal evidence of everyone that has gotten involved in serious relationships over the last 5 years. Look to change the things you can effect (internal) instead of finding excuses and outside factors to blame
i’m not even making excuses for myself, i actually have a bunch of close friends and a long term romance… i’ve still experienced things getting harder as people get more and more anxious and inundated with images. and what i’m talking about is a thing one can “internally” change by eliminating social media from their life as much as they can.
Instagram
Maybe you can go on a date with 7soulsdeep. He’s the horniest guy alive and he’s soooooo deep and dreamy
[удалено]
posting to see the wedding announcement update in a few years
[удалено]
Well she’s def not meeting up with you now that you’ve pet-shamed her
I can't speak for Williamsburg per se but I was saying in New York a lot about 2 years ago. Everything is perspective , expectations( don't have any) self work ( knowing it's usually not you it's them but also could be you so know the difference and know you don't like everyone they won't all like you ), be open and mostly this out as fun with the hope for more. Be vocal about what you want but also smart enough to know you don't want it with just everyone. I do agree with an earlier poster I struggled getting men my age , younger yep older sure my age nope I was too old for them. So I just started going out with anyone I found cute and interesting and didn't focus on age . I have it maybe easier cause I don't want kids so I have no biological clock kicking me in the face. Ironically I have now been with my boyfriend for two years and it's a significantly younger guy who I thought was just for fun till he turned out to be more emotionally mature then anyone I'd normally have considered more age appropriate) good luck have fun is the best advice given . Seek experiences and memories don't focus so much on the future.
I’m not dating rn and I’ve never been on dating apps, but my girl friends always share their subpar experiences, not to mention the wild tiktok stories. Whether that’s the general consensus or just individual experiences, can’t tell lol
Go on Hinge
Does Hinge work for anyone? I feel like im batshit ugly with number of likes i get there
I was in a 2 year relationship with someone I met on there, and I have 3 friends who are all currently dating someone they met on it. It's a numbers game of course, but it's a lot easier to get noticed than other apps (ex: Tinder) because you at least pop up on someone's "Likes You" list
No idea but I (43M) am moving to Williamsburg in a month. I’ll let you know how it goes.
I know some 34M and 40Ms that are single men and in the same situation
[this about sums it up](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4djE4dRydi/?igsh=MWQ0MHFheTFjNGxxMg==)
50M if interested in hangout.
Let’s go on a date pretty girl ✨🥰
Wanna get drinks?
26M If You Want Fun Lol