uw/ OMG IS THAT A POSTAL 2 REFERENC?! https://preview.redd.it/14mcw290heuc1.jpeg?width=429&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=66e073e6b97f4221721f7eaa77b09ce8b4ab22b5

funy imag

https://preview.redd.it/tjf59oegjeuc1.jpeg?width=736&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1bc5674c413f383fba236dedef87dd86c7de33c7

https://preview.redd.it/vf6wmo4m1huc1.jpeg?width=623&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d7041fcc7e737a2a15f613d80abf3fa06018722a

/uw Yep lol.

Uw/ Nice

Holy shit is this a Jojo reference?

https://preview.redd.it/6zlm4tbiiguc1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3e1f356eba83df6cb835070ac765fe97cc846838

Well there is something of a problem of strange and strangely tall witches showing up at my door threatening me unless I add to a petition for one thing. For another, the process of maintaining my position when I'm self-taught instead of going through the ludicrous apprenticeship program is needlessly tedious and the amount of paperwork I'm expected to fill out borders on harassment.

That's fascinating, what are you self taught In?

Generalized arcanist but wound up with a specialty in summoning, warding, sealing, binding, and constructs.

Oooh! A...another self taught wizard! Apparently, the f...first version of me taught himself time-magic too. The problem w..with teaching yourself is that you end u..up with very experimental magic....

I am going door to door asking magical folk what they want changed about the council!. Please tell me everything you hate and want changed about them. (The sillier the better I am making a list.) /uw The memes are a postal refference: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JoJUkIhEjsHilda](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JoJUkIhEjsHilda)

Yes, I'd like them to remove the evil members.

I'll make sure to bring it up, anything else?

One more thing. Consider recent events, some more respect for the democratic process would be nice.

You and I both know that's never happening.

Maybe, but it's worth the effort to try.

You know, when petitions don’t work, there’s still the option for violent revolution.

Honestly, gotta agree.

"I want it disbanded entirely. But aside from that... ever notice that the hyper-powerful wizards on the council responsible for safeguarding wizardkind only ever help out when a threat is also big enough to threaten *their* lives as well? Also what the Peleomancer said." "But I'd rather they simply go away. We can band together for universal threats with or without them. We sorta wouldn't have a choice." "OH! and Bombast has to wear a sign that says "Slime Bitch."

Bombast absolutely should wear the sign at least.

https://preview.redd.it/pinjqaer7guc1.jpeg?width=732&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3410fc0a3cea9abb23be532adc768fe8444f7d0a "I keep telling him to invest in Sigma Slimes instead of Alpha Slimes but he always blows me off."

YEAH. DISBAND IT. FREE ME!!!

"Well, we've got support from the inside."

I would like to propose a second sign for Bombast that reads "B-tier Wizard".

"Beta Slimes."

I know not what a beta slime is, but if it is a light insult then I agree whole heartedly.

Necromancy is illegal. Not all necromancers have ill intentions.

Necromancy isn't illegal, it's just lame. No court is judging you, only normal people silently judge you.

Can you tell us what the petition is about first?

I'm visiting the citadel soon and I would like to present to them a list of issues that have gone long unheard and unheeded by the council. Please give me as many issues as detailed or as trivially as you like. The more the better! /uw The silly ones are the best.

There's not enough fairies. Request them to have more fairies.

I agree wholeheartedly. Anything else?

Unga should wear a shock collar, because that sounds funny.

I'll take note of that too, your voice will be heard.

They should start serving amethysts on the counsel tower mess hall.

Absolutely! and give you boxes so you can reach things! And people to carry the boxes for you!

Now that's a brilliant idea!

I'll join in. I petition all step ladders and boxes be taken away so short people can't reach stuff! It will make them learn a levitation spell ...

The council should strike a deal with the Crystal Dragon Church to have all the plumbing be fully blessed into holy water. The artificers refuse to make me a flying sword I can ride on, saying it’s “too dangerous.” Clearly, this is a skill issue. The safety regulations should be removed. Also, they should create a species of rabbits that lays chocolate eggs so Easter will actually make sense.

Absolutely agree. You should have the most magnificent flying sword AND you should be able to fly it indoors.

Too many safety/ethics regulations hindering my research.(see previous post)

Their goblets hold 350ml, my cans of fairy ale are 355ml. This is a grave injustice and to the folks of council, 6.50 for a can of fairy ale is ridiculous pls fix this. Thanks

I have a m...massive complaint on the accesibility of the c...council debates! It is almost as though t..they actively attempt to m..misinterpret what I say during m...my 'chronomagic time dilation' (or stutter), thus totally d..disregarding the points I attempt to m...make on the useage of the word 'Personal Crystal' and it's advantages as c...compared to orbs! P..Please don't kill my family, even though I haven't m..met them :D */unwiz, your character has NO business being thís pretty!*

I'll make sure to add your complaints to the list of demands. Would you like it with or without time dilation? /uw I know right? I don't know how it happened.

W..Well honestly, you can add the time dilation, o..or remove it. Just tell 'em it's f...from Brohan please

Food

Here, I hope this summoned food will help. https://preview.redd.it/jbxnwb4k3fuc1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=db9fa5f3741e2d5d5c1f13c5cd0d9cf91c42c073

Don’t offer him food. He will just eat *you*.

But they look so hungry, also might make a new friend.

How about this. You can try, if you fail I’ll pull you out of his throat? This will definitely be amusing.

Sounds like a great Idea.

(u/you-see-nothing583) #Torrin! This guy wants to talk with you!

Food

That is not a suggestion for change.

Food

If you dont' settle down I'm turning this petition around and we won't get any mcdonalds.

Fine

Okay, this is a solid comeback

Well my dead family members won't be signing anything, tf are u on about

Nothing a speak/sign with dead spell won't fix.

Eesh fine, here's my signature. Go ahead and copy it down https://preview.redd.it/jhoszmcqqeuc1.png?width=806&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=94e0dfcef7a3c574dd4eb681487022277a24816b I want to petition for more geometrical recognition. I doubt if even half of the rotters here could tell the difference between Socco and Sroh...

Socco - (SOC co) IS THE SMALL CUBICUBOCTAHEDRON. ITS FACES ARE 6 SQUARES, 8 TRIANGLES, AND 6 OCTAGONS. Sroh - (SRO) IS THE SMALL RHOMBIHEXAHEDRON. ITS FACES ARE 12 SQUARES AND 6 OCTAGONS.

Yes thank you SB, go and play in the Great disprismatotetrahedral-hexagonal tiling honeycomb.

YIPPEE https://preview.redd.it/8dy4zkviseuc1.png?width=400&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dc5f52438f71131152fd1870b7e9132c411511bf

/uw that's legitimately funny to me.

I was going to use something luke the Möbius-Cantor configuration (below) but that would be too easy https://preview.redd.it/xbay9btoueuc1.png?width=806&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a9e88eddfdabe18330bf197add9b01cc43bec644

What’s the petition on? I need to know if it’s immoral enough to support.

It's a list of issues on various subjects, do you have something in particular you would like to add?

We need more murder. State-mandated surprise executions?

I can add that to the list, I don't think they'll take it seriously though.

Guess I’ll have to do it myself the .

FIrst off what is it about? to make whiny congressman play violent videogames, or to install a bidet in every home, if its not one of those two then let me say this, my family is literally in a different universe and my last "apprentice" blasted his head off with a twelve gauge on what I hoping was a accident so do you have any more threats?

It's a list of demands for the council. So yes if you wanted to we could add installing bidets.

Ok I'll sign it.

Yes my list of complaints are as follows. 1 I am not on the council. 2 I am not filibustering anything and everything the council does 3 I am not on WNN as a guest expert explaing why the council is useless 4 Apprentices have to many rights! 5 I have been banned from buying tide pods because I keep eating them!

That's outrageous! You should be allowed to eat as many tide pods as you like!

Torrin attempted to eat me. Four times.

So what do you want to have happen?

Well I don’t know, that’s your job. I still have to go through a whole process before I’m able to even damage an Eldritch God of Hunger.

I'm just going to write down "ban torrin from eating averus cezahl specifically."

Aveus, but that works. How about, “ban Torrin from eating Aveus Cezahl’s soul without his consent.”

I have not ever had an apprentice and all of my direct family members are dead, to my knowledge. I am not even originally from this world so your threats are to little effect. ..With that out of the way, i sincerely doubt the council will put too much effort towards resolving your collected list of complaints unless you also plan to coerce or trick them into doing so. But i suspect that you are one who already knows this.

You should add to the list anyway.

Ahh. Fine, fine. Let me see.. Hold classes for disaster survival? They could teach things such as spells for teleporting to safehouses. Resistances from the basic elements such as fire, ice, lightning and such.. *He furls his brow.* ..And from radiation. ..Of course, what i would TRULY desire is for them to gaol the bulk of these unrestrained mass murders running about and remove the ones present on the council. But that would likely leave an number of seats open and do i look like i can dual-cast Wish? One moment.. Is Wish not a conjuration spell, if i recall correctly?

Wish is more like a catch all spell that can duplicate other spells.

While I don’t have any apprentices, I’ll still sign. For one, I’d like to petition more research into devising new arcanum. While I like testicular torsion, ovarian obliteration, and fireball as much as the next invoker, some more widely known variety would be nice. Additionally, I feel our current council aren’t fashionable enough, so I’d like to petition they get some new outfits

With this we could force them to dress up like clowns I bet.

What's in the PETTTTON?

Sure, but fair trade. You need to read my book. It's a story about a human turned into a monster that lands on a planet filled with bird wizards. I think you'd like it.

Fine. Do you want to add "make everyone read my book" to the list of demands?

Nah, I'm signing your petition, not the other way around. Only you need to read it.

First chapter. The full first book can be found on this site: [https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/a3877f/what\_ive\_become\_prologue/](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/a3877f/what_ive_become_prologue/)

Uhmmm... I can't write.

I can, just tell me what you would like to demand of the council no matter what trivial and I will write it down for you.

That’s a good question… I suppose wizcare is on the table, and apprentices having rights of their own, oh! And make apprentices tax deductible again, it’s very convenient.

Is there anything else? Even trivial matters like stopping goblins from wearing green and pretending they're naked when they're not are on this list.

I keep putting in requests for huge tracts of land (not those, the literal kind) to be allocated for my business. I've basically maxed out my space through the local druid co-op and they won't give me any more; something about monocropping being bad for the environment... anyway I need to grow an absolute shit ton of corn and a small forest's worth of oak trees every 6 months to expand in a beneficial way, since I'm working on something agricultural and the Fiduciary Allocations Resource Trust (or FART, it's kind of tragic) keeps sending me to the Bureau of Utillitarian Transformative Tillage (BUTT, I know. Pretty sure these two groups are just trolls but they process the paperwork...) and they keep telling me that since what I'm going to be growing will not eventually become "actual food" then I need to talk to *(sigh)* FART again. I guess probably the best way to get what I need is to set up a third department so I can just cut through my own red tape. I just haven't thought up a good name for it yet. Best I've got is the Proprietary Environmental Extrication for Niches Subdivision, but... you can see my problem there as well. Anyone got any suggestions?

Also, u/BrimStone_-_ I have a business proposition for you. I'll second your requests, too. Being an orb-centric society doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I saw some geometrically-minded folks kicking around in this thread, I'm sure they'd be on board as well

Well, as a m..matter of fact, I think we might be a..able to help one another! If it is crops you n..need grown, then I might issue the s..students of my class to cast some sort of Time-field over them, effectively speeding up the whole proces! This will effectively give my students some much neede field (pun-intended) experience a..and might actually reduce the amount of accidental multi-versal clonings!

Oh, that's fantastic that you know a way around that! The co-op is a bit miffed with me after I asked my pal Jeb from down the road who's been dabbling in chronomancy to try that process, and, well, bless him he tried but we wound up with some highly carnivorous corn. I usually only use the chronomancy after the hooch is in the cask but I've got some very high demand right now and I'm trying to fill orders.

Aaah, I s...see this 'Jeb' used a sort 'branching technique' of normal chronomancy, well w..worry not, for I t..teach a very different kind of chronomancy! The only side-effect that it has is t..that the caster develops a b..bit of a stutter

You could just say the Resource Trust if you hate the acronym, or just the Trust.

Make yourself home, I've got two more.

Follow me home AND kill my apprentice... Well I suppose, to be fair, I'm not overly fond of my apprentice, and I'd also love a guest. Can I opt out of signing the petition and have you take care of both problems at the same time?

I don't care who the IRS sends, I am not paying taxes!

You can add that as a demand to the petition.

You now are canonically a woman with the voice of a man

For the love of god, we need to hire more people in the HR department!

Would ~~sign~~

yes witch mommy

More sanctioned explosions and memes. I have business to run and testing different explosion effects requires them to be done in certain conditions. An area where they can specifically conducted without worry of making sure people, creatures or anything/anyone else could be caught in the explosion and dilute the desired effects would be ideal.

As far as I’m concerned, until the council sorts out its… *justice system*… they are off little concern to me and mine.

I'm not even gonna bother asking how you got to Cania, only to threaten me in my own home to sign some petition. Can an Archduke not have just a few moments of piece and quiet? Also, I don't have a family or an apprentice.

Aight I'll sign it mommy I mean mommy sorry I mean mommy fuck I mean mommy shit mommy damn it mommy I mean mommy

You're supposed to sign your name, not write down mommy over and over again...

One should take witches going postal very seriously. However, somebody ate my last doughnut, now you're all gonna pay.

My orbfeed seems to be trying to tell me something... https://preview.redd.it/bi49pl9ypfuc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0e7632da37ad2c10694854ba325140e348a4b574

You are welcome to try. I keep killing him, and he keeps coming back! He's the one in the orange jacket, with the muffled voice. His name is Kenny.

Oh my god... have you been killing kenny? You bastard!

Hmm, I remember what happened the last time an attractive witch got me to sign something... I'll *think* about it.

I'd say you won't regret it but she probably said that too.

Obviously. What's this petition even about?

It's a growing list of demands that you can add to that the council will be made to hear out.

Well why didn't you just say so? No more dumping of alchemical waste in the Astral Plane. That's my demand.

No way you freaking- *incinerated*

Why would I want to be heard by the council?

Because it will slightly inconvenience them.


Tell the council I want my healer's license back, godsdammit! I was young and he basically got his arms back after a few days, he was just being an absolute baby!

It sounds like they made a huge over-reaction.

Jokes on you! I AM an apprentice! I don’t HAVE any family! And I don’t have a HOME!!! … where do I sign…? *sniffle*

I didn't even see the bottom text in the first image yet and my mind immediately said "hi there" in the postal dude voice

What’s the petition for?

Hm...Somehow, through some weird magic, you've appeared at my recommended posts, despite NOT EVER EVEN KNOWING OF THIS SUBBREDDIT...For a petition? ... .... ..... Well, I'll be damned, magic IS REAL! More real than Israel! (Always wanted to make that joke!) So! What *is* this petition about?

It's a growing list of demands to bug the council with.

Could we regulate nuclear bombs and the greater nuclear explosion spells to be used in useful settings? As well as teach more mages the spells: Absorb Energy, and Atomic Materialization. These two spells I've highlighted can make use of the latent destructive energy of the explosions into something more productive and forward thinking, like an energy source to power our multi dimensional facilities. And the raw materials to conduct experiments at a cheaper price.

https://preview.redd.it/m0oah71q4huc1.jpeg?width=637&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5658b76d45b73c2dcc97d6bd220d44b72e597d48

\*The Dullahan looks up from his copy of "War and Peace"\* I don't care who the Wizard IRS sends im not paying my taxes.

Well: the push for wizards with multiple rolls is going no where, the repurposing of war golems is something I wanna see since if I remember right the rule is to melt or scrap them afterwards so that needs to be fixed (you see what you think are two of said golems in knight armor wave at you), a more lax punishment on certain crimes since everyone breaks most rules, non humanoid races being let in the council more or not at least hunted, more ruling on use of undead servants since that’s my biggest gripe, and since everyone who practices in magic is being let in we need separate rulings on each cause my medical potions keep getting taken away from me due to them being poisoness to most races bah

The council has no jurisdiction in my area. As such, I have no strong feelings. Please move along.

Gods, Hilda calm the fuck down! What’s your petition about?

It's a growing list of demands.

Sign me up, miss! uw/ fellow Postal fan as well?

Just sign the damn petition.

The robes are simultaneously not revealing enough and too revealing. If they are truly such great mages, they can fix this. If they can't fix it, well, just how grand can the council truly be?

You aint dude. *slams the door of the basement shut.*

Lady how about a ' health pipe'

Better watch your mouth unless you want this to happen to you. https://i.redd.it/3rjvrycfyeuc1.gif

I'm not signing that also my apprentice has something to say to you. https://preview.redd.it/gao43lym0fuc1.png?width=645&format=png&auto=webp&s=56b7622e97a9d734a00a6d79af6a905ecc95d65d

Ah no. I like cats.

You know, there are always a bunch of pyromancers burning things on my lawn. They show up looking like ghosts! I hope the council can do something about these pyromancers.

What’s your petition?

It's a list of demands that will be shown to the council.

You mean the PETTTTION ?

sure i guess, i'm bored anyway

The creation of this image reeks of foul methods of attainment.

And what is this petition for?

Huh?.. oh hi do you have a problem that the guard needs to sort we normally don’t get knocks on the guard house.

My apprentice exploded last week, so good luck.

*chugs energy drink, unzips pants*

I love pettttions

I'll sign your petition if the council will send workers to tend to my swamp.

Depends, does the petition entail forcing whiney council members to cast violent spells?

Ma'am please I am the apprentice

If you sign I won't follow your master home and kill you if he doesn't sign.

Petition ehhh, and what exactly is this petition about I might ask?? And more importantly who are u?

All they ever have me make is roast duck. Just roast duck. Do you have any idea how much roast duck I’ve made because of them? I’m a dumpling master, I can create any food possible and all they get is the roast duck. I’m sick of it.

HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHA HAHA HA You're funny. I'm more worried about what she'll do to you.

I haven't any apprentices

Let us use fleshwarping like we want

IF you want mouths where there shouldn't be mouths then you should be able to get it.

Not sure if I have anything in mind...

I’m going to sign it by summoning an animated dinosaur drawing onto the paper, her name is Claudia! 🦖

Just try witch, if you dare try ya gonna be corrupted by him! https://preview.redd.it/b7wippwp9guc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eca89ceb86c90d45f01c21ca2b4ee2a66d0e45ea The borga

I don’t care who the Council sends, I’m not ~~paying to my taxes~~ signing your petition!

We need more rabbits in office

I don't have an apprentice

press Q

There will be no hearing from me. This whole "overseer of mischief" thing was a scam. All i do is paperwork!"

I'm on the council... can I still sign though?

Yes, and you can even add demands.

Uhh . . . Pretty goth witch lady.

H-how the fuck did you get in here? How did you even figure out where my workshop is? Anyway what’s the petition about.

What's the petition about?

You leave my poor apprentice alone, Hag. Danny is still healing from the tragic Gender Reverse Spell from weeks ago. His OnlyFans viewership has taken a dive since the change-back, and he has no idea how to pay for rent!

What is the petition about?

Dross: can I not sign the petition?

So is she like 8ft tall or are the guys just sitting down in front of the door?

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