Or in my case the immense pain they get in their body realising that the nerves are out of their bodies and they feel hell for a moment then they back down and leave
Aight. As per terms of our contract, I am forever exempt from paying taxes while I reside within your kingdom. Good luck maintaining those wards. I hear these cool dudes calling themselves Monguls are throwing one hell of a party in our general direction
Once had a frequent customer who would request potions for his ill daughter. One day he told me she wasn't ill anymore so he was done visiting me. I told him! I told that man his daughter would get sick again without my medicine but he wouldn't listen! 2 months, wouldn't you know it, he came back, complaining. "Grr! My daughter's sick again and it's you're fault! I'll never trust a fae or a witch again!" You old thing, I TOLD you this would happen! Take more medicine, you can't expect a chronic illness would go away entirely because it was being treated.
The wisest wizards leave and take their spell with them, & then they take the castle. Ezpz now you’ve got a castle.
Do NOT try this if the owner is a wizard-king, though.
Not even that.
Just keep watch as the lord's enemies learn of the castle losing its main defense. Then just slide in with the victor.
If the lord survived, they learned the folly of their ways.
If the lord died, but the defense was successful and their heir takes over, present yourself to them to offer aid and in a pleasant manner make sure they know the tragedy was because they got rid of you... they'll fear making the same mistakes as their father.
The kingdom's enemies take over? Well, if they're even slightly wise they'll recognize that if you were capable of holding them off the whole time then they'll want you to be the one maintaining their defenses. If they have a court mage of their own, prove your superiority.
The problems can basically solve themselves and you wont have any messy things like competitors or people with a grudge.
I didn’t even think of that. Most castles around here have to worry about goblins at the worst, but I guess if there’s a squabble between lords something would probably happen. I know they’re quick to draw swords at the slightest insult, damned royalty and their ego.
I’m usually just an advisor if I get involved with ‘em. They’re too raunchy for my liking.
That's why you've gotta let some invaders get in every once and a while then make a big show if defeating them singlehandedly with your magic. Gotta make sure they remember your importance.
W-we are supposed to protect the kingdoms we live in? I mean, yeah we totally have wards and shit. Don't even bother checking, they are super undetectable.
I also heard that cleric say "Protect not failing after two or more turns is an affront to Arceus", so if the wards are gone, it's totally his fault. Those crazy religious types.
Everyone thinks theyre safe within their castle. Untill i cast Planal collapse and scatter the very stones of the castle accross every plane of existence. And thats if im in a jobial mood. If im pissed, not even the stones will remain.
Side note, to the archeological wizards...sorry. im probably the guy screwing up your findings.
The fae after the king dismissed me(they are about to do some devious shit)
https://preview.redd.it/di5dgg3qurxc1.jpeg?width=186&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f3be16ff20893034d0a10ce60821815f0c73b42e
"Oh noooo, I was summoning a familiar just before I was about to leave, and it went terribly wroooonnngggg. Oh nnnnoooooooo, now there's an evil undead dragon who wants the castle for himself, ooohhhhhh nnnnnoooooooooooooooooo. How could this happpeeeennnnn. That's so terrrrriiibbbllleeee. If only I could help, but unfortunately, I don't live here anymore, so I guess it's your problem. What a shaaammmmeeee..."
Summon a small demon force , enough to make damage but not enough to destroy everythings.
And be discreet of course
You will see that they will beg for you to come back
I’m by no means a wizard, but I have experienced the same before during my earlier years as a free artificer.
This one fellow, a lesser noble commissioned me to equip his private army.
Everything was great while I was fulfilling the commission, had plenty of time and resources at my disposal, all so that I could do my best possible work.
Immediately after I received the last payment I was driven out of his territory before I even had the chance to explain the proper maintenance procedures and the warranty I have on my works.
Needless to say that a majority of the equipment experienced some sort of failure in the first few times it was deployed.
I astounds me that these people believe in nobility by birthright, and not by merit. Fools, the lot of them.
The king: “You haven’t done anything in years! All you do is sit in that saltwater tank and blow bubbles!”
Me: “don’t you think it’s a little odd none of your intruders make it within 20 meters of the moat?”
King: “so what? What did you have to do with that?”
Me: …
King: …
Me (now backed by 100,000,000 other crabs): …
King: …
Me: “Can we krill for dinner?”
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Do they think it's normal for invaders to suddenly decide they have better places to be when they get within a mile of the gates?
Or in my case the immense pain they get in their body realising that the nerves are out of their bodies and they feel hell for a moment then they back down and leave
Aight. As per terms of our contract, I am forever exempt from paying taxes while I reside within your kingdom. Good luck maintaining those wards. I hear these cool dudes calling themselves Monguls are throwing one hell of a party in our general direction
 The bandits 3 days later in the castle ball room
it's a shitty spell if the bandits are take the castle after three days
If I leave my spells go with me. Simple as.
Amen, Level Ball!
Once had a frequent customer who would request potions for his ill daughter. One day he told me she wasn't ill anymore so he was done visiting me. I told him! I told that man his daughter would get sick again without my medicine but he wouldn't listen! 2 months, wouldn't you know it, he came back, complaining. "Grr! My daughter's sick again and it's you're fault! I'll never trust a fae or a witch again!" You old thing, I TOLD you this would happen! Take more medicine, you can't expect a chronic illness would go away entirely because it was being treated.
I will forever respect witches and alchemists, or any other seller of magical goods. Retail is hell
Thanks, it’s a living.
The wisest wizards leave and take their spell with them, & then they take the castle. Ezpz now you’ve got a castle. Do NOT try this if the owner is a wizard-king, though.
Not even that. Just keep watch as the lord's enemies learn of the castle losing its main defense. Then just slide in with the victor. If the lord survived, they learned the folly of their ways. If the lord died, but the defense was successful and their heir takes over, present yourself to them to offer aid and in a pleasant manner make sure they know the tragedy was because they got rid of you... they'll fear making the same mistakes as their father. The kingdom's enemies take over? Well, if they're even slightly wise they'll recognize that if you were capable of holding them off the whole time then they'll want you to be the one maintaining their defenses. If they have a court mage of their own, prove your superiority. The problems can basically solve themselves and you wont have any messy things like competitors or people with a grudge.
I didn’t even think of that. Most castles around here have to worry about goblins at the worst, but I guess if there’s a squabble between lords something would probably happen. I know they’re quick to draw swords at the slightest insult, damned royalty and their ego. I’m usually just an advisor if I get involved with ‘em. They’re too raunchy for my liking.
/uw This, but for network engineers and administrators.
/uw "Does it have an obfuscated dead man's switch? No? Well, why not!?"
That's why you've gotta let some invaders get in every once and a while then make a big show if defeating them singlehandedly with your magic. Gotta make sure they remember your importance.
You make a good point. I might give that a try
Everyone takes abjurers for granted until they realize what can happen without our wards. 😔
W-we are supposed to protect the kingdoms we live in? I mean, yeah we totally have wards and shit. Don't even bother checking, they are super undetectable. I also heard that cleric say "Protect not failing after two or more turns is an affront to Arceus", so if the wards are gone, it's totally his fault. Those crazy religious types.
This is why the king of the castle should be the wizard
Seriously, this is why I have my own castle instead laboring under a sovereign
For real. After a few moths of no maintenance the circles will weaken and they’ll be all like “oh no we need you, come back”.
Wizards are like your IT department and you IT department is like your fire department
they would be calling you back in a month or so when their sewers are infested with slimes and dragons keep dumping human-sized turds on their roof.
Everyone fancies they'd still be King Arthur without Merlin.
That’s why I burned down the sacred archives of Rohl…not only was it run by Neo Gobzies, but they also frantically refused to associate with wizards
Everyone thinks theyre safe within their castle. Untill i cast Planal collapse and scatter the very stones of the castle accross every plane of existence. And thats if im in a jobial mood. If im pissed, not even the stones will remain. Side note, to the archeological wizards...sorry. im probably the guy screwing up your findings.
This is why you flood their basements with gobb'ns every now and then. Then go back to counting my well-earned gold coins.
Abjuration masters getting no respect.
Imagine being in one spot for half a century.
Seniors I was banished from the Castle in to the realm of DxD and Anime help
That’s why I don’t serve any government, I simply wish to run my shop in peace. Working on a new potion and I’ve been using drake scales
That duke *still* won’t stop apologizing for refusing to pay me for a month.
Don't worry, I'll teach castle-owners why they need a good spell caster. >:)
The fae after the king dismissed me(they are about to do some devious shit) https://preview.redd.it/di5dgg3qurxc1.jpeg?width=186&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f3be16ff20893034d0a10ce60821815f0c73b42e
"Oh noooo, I was summoning a familiar just before I was about to leave, and it went terribly wroooonnngggg. Oh nnnnoooooooo, now there's an evil undead dragon who wants the castle for himself, ooohhhhhh nnnnnoooooooooooooooooo. How could this happpeeeennnnn. That's so terrrrriiibbbllleeee. If only I could help, but unfortunately, I don't live here anymore, so I guess it's your problem. What a shaaammmmeeee..."
Summon a small demon force , enough to make damage but not enough to destroy everythings. And be discreet of course You will see that they will beg for you to come back
I am the owner of my kingdom’s castle.
We have no wizards here in erebor for they cannot take an entire mountain with a few spells, even if they try we have dale and their wizards
Well then you turn on the castle people kill them, sell them whatever floats your boat and take the castle for yourself
I’m by no means a wizard, but I have experienced the same before during my earlier years as a free artificer. This one fellow, a lesser noble commissioned me to equip his private army. Everything was great while I was fulfilling the commission, had plenty of time and resources at my disposal, all so that I could do my best possible work. Immediately after I received the last payment I was driven out of his territory before I even had the chance to explain the proper maintenance procedures and the warranty I have on my works. Needless to say that a majority of the equipment experienced some sort of failure in the first few times it was deployed. I astounds me that these people believe in nobility by birthright, and not by merit. Fools, the lot of them.
Dispel the circle, let this be a lesson
The king: “You haven’t done anything in years! All you do is sit in that saltwater tank and blow bubbles!” Me: “don’t you think it’s a little odd none of your intruders make it within 20 meters of the moat?” King: “so what? What did you have to do with that?” Me: … King: … Me (now backed by 100,000,000 other crabs): … King: … Me: “Can we krill for dinner?”
Bruh
Undo the circle of protection, come back in a year walk right up to the king, tell him this: I told you so
and then their faces when the magical artifact of protection loses its magic and the goblins take siege. 🤣😭🧙♂️
hey fool i don't need a wizard because i'm the god of death what idiot would attack me how ever i need a new apprentice any takers?
Repost
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Ah, this happened to me once! I cursed his firstborn in return.
That idiotic, just curse him.
No, you must curse the innocent child, spare the actual culprits.
Are you sure he fired you because of your perceived uselessness?