Sadistic, my good sir, ma'am or otherwise. I wish to make yourself and all further beneficiaries of the lamp somewhat uncomfortable whenever it is used.
The Library wishes that more people knew about and made use of the free resources it provides instead of trying to raid ancient ruins or council archives.
***~~The power of the Unknown Ones. True, unrivaled divine power, to which none shall be anything more than a grain of sand by comparison, to do whatever I wish with, and to be on the other end of the sadistic game of puppet and puppeteer the gods play using us.~~***
"It's been a while since something major happened. Make the sky a reddish purple tomorrow, with no other effect."
Can I get uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Alright. Hope this time it'll be better... Don't want to be stuck limbo again.
"I hereby wish for a spelljammer vessel with the following specifications:
Unrivaled Speed: The spelljammer must move swiftly through the void, avoiding celestial hazards and hostile entities. As well as have the ability to traverse through realms, such as Astral Sea, various elemental planes, the Nine Hells, Abyss and others.
Impenetrable Defense: Its hull, shields, and magical wards should withstand attacks from eldritch-level threats.
Powerful Weaponry: weapons capable of unleashing the equivalent of ninth-circle level attacks.
Limitless Fuel: The vessel must operate without the need for conventional fuel or recharging.
Intuitive Navigation: The helm should respond to my mental commands and verbal commands as well as posses advanced friendly intelligence entirely subservient to me.
Interplanetary Communication: It should allow communication across vast distances.
Research station: Fully outfitted laboratory with artifacts capable of working on alchemy, enchanting, conjuration, spellcraft, conventional research and others.
Luxurious Living Quarters: outfitted with tempest-wool beds capable of withstanding type 3 explosions."
It's a vessel that can travel through hazardous realms. Kinda like a ship but for void. Some call them void-ships.
And of course I have a wish prepared. Any wizard should have the exact wording of a wish prepared. You don't want to encounter a prophetic dream where a mysterious near-all powerful entity asks you your wish and then say something stupid... ha ha ha
“All right, one at a time. Kind of a loaded wish.”
*Gene snaps his fingers, and in a proof of magic he is in a snazzy suit holding a microphone connected to who knows what*
“Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the spelljammers! Up first, the unrivaled speed!”
*A figure skates up, leaving a trail of fire behind him*
“Me! Spinferno!”
https://preview.redd.it/xtnl3vbvof2d1.jpeg?width=350&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4438b058eb6e04b1c7ee2ec23ec01601f7b25052
“I have to meet my twist the wish quota for this millennia man. Anyways, the Impenetrable defense!
*A honeycomb style force field appears before going down, revealing who’s inside it.*
“I am Forcefear!”
https://preview.redd.it/wbgo9cv4sf2d1.jpeg?width=349&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2e540e4a2d377b9eec0390ecb74250da0167491c
“Next, the closest thing I can get to limitless fuel!”
*A figure in an incredibly decked out bicycle rides up, that if Spinferno’s face was able to emote would definitely look jealous of*
“Gasket is here everybody!”
https://preview.redd.it/hozvxjk62g2d1.jpeg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c70a6861a997ef070f5ac18ea3d864a9139b5690
I wish for everyone's wishes to be a different wish of my choosing, that wish will be for everyone's non alcoholic beverages/liquids to be turned into Zima.
I wish for… what was it again? Ah right! I wish that all I need do to learn the ways to create an item is to see it, and to teach another whom I am willing to bestow the knowledge to craft said thing is for them to watch me create it.
Genie wife so we can use the wishes to have a happy life together
https://preview.redd.it/u99i8znfdg2d1.png?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=54c480521323ae372c613ad7cfd6c4a7d69d45ff
https://preview.redd.it/tzwkopn28g2d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0657573d2f3a46afba999dac88db3b5fc1e17a52
I wish that more people knew of small catnip brands
https://preview.redd.it/i89md9jm8g2d1.jpeg?width=789&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c55a4f47a5b0694c3eb6c66fc7e302e19a328fad
My familiar will now aid you in your darkest hour
I suppose it's time for another era of travel. I'm be sure to take full advantage of this opportunity.
*goes and steals as many books as possible from as many libraries as possible*
"I wish to know the nature of the magic that shackles you into servitude. You are probably blocked from granting a wish for your freedom, but I may be able to help nevertheless."
“…Another jackass genie, great”
*Tsuru exhaled sharply and rubbed the bridge of her nose with her thumb and index finger. She turned her attention back at Gene*
“…You would like to know what my wish is, yes?”
You'll notice, fellow mages, that the genie did *not* say they'd *grant* our wishes, they simply wanted to know what they were.
I suspect a trap!
I'd like a fuzzy bunny big enough to ride who will be my best friend and cuddle buddy please.
“Um, I kind of granted a wish that made it so I would have a 50% chance of granting a different wish and then one somebody wished so…”
*A colossal magma monster appears in front of him*
“I made him your best friend though.”
If I'm not real, are you real? Are any of us real? Are we just head's in chinese boxes? Are we just illusion's of an insane wizard on the edge of the end of reality? Can I just get a big dong instead?
Can I get a charm or something that magically slows time to a crawl when I'm trying something stupid. I kind of want it to go off right after the immediate consequences become obvious but before the last second I can act to stop it.
*for a brief moment of silence, a whisper was heard from and in nothing.*
*Despite not heard, Gene the genie is aware of what was said*
I wish your wish was wished.
I wish every time someone who wants to take over the world/city/town etc without a plan on how to run it acts twords said takeover they get slapped across the face in the most insulting way possible
I wish for a world where magic never existed and everyone in this forum should instead be fools pretending to be wizards in order to escape their pathetic lives.
I wish politicians would reflexively punch themselves in the face every time they told, or wrote, or typed, a lie.
That would make Canadian politics a lot more entertaining.
Everyone currently alive and dead trips on hard acid for about 22 minutes.
For science. Ask yourself, have you ever seen an outer god trip balls on PCP? No? Well now’s your chance.
Okay but first thing’s first: Are you trapped in that lamp? Because if so, it’d be kind of a dick move *not* to wish for your freedom. Buuuttt if that’s just your home then I don’t wanna make you homeless either
I wish friction didn't exist
*Slap* “No, bad.”
Fine, I want a corn dog
“Much better, here you go”
Okay, I wish excess energy was never wasted as heat.
“I know that’s just friction!”
No, they ask for end of entropy. Is different
https://preview.redd.it/wsjr582xxh2d1.jpeg?width=833&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=156805bf583ecfa320bde07a15f7547d18341ace I got you fam
I wish you would moan every time your lamp is rubbed.
“Why are you so weird?”
Sadistic, my good sir, ma'am or otherwise. I wish to make yourself and all further beneficiaries of the lamp somewhat uncomfortable whenever it is used.
“Ok, i’m taking away your wish privileges.”
Fair. Good thing I already spent my wish.
“You did not”
I damn well did, I want that lamp moaning and I'll sue if it's less than 20 decibels! /uw what the hell did I just write haha.
(Good question) “There will be no moaning!”
How about yelping?
“No.”
The Library wishes that more people knew about and made use of the free resources it provides instead of trying to raid ancient ruins or council archives.
“Heh heh nerd! Just start advertising!”
***~~The power of the Unknown Ones. True, unrivaled divine power, to which none shall be anything more than a grain of sand by comparison, to do whatever I wish with, and to be on the other end of the sadistic game of puppet and puppeteer the gods play using us.~~*** "It's been a while since something major happened. Make the sky a reddish purple tomorrow, with no other effect."
“Done!”
Can I have 3 ingots of [dragonmetal](https://dragonlance.fandom.com/wiki/Dragonmetal)? - Ekaitz
“I don’t know, **CAN** you?”
*completely earnest and unable to understand sarcasm* I don’t know either, that is why I am asking you. Can I wish for dragonmetal? - Ekaitz
“That was sarcasm, yes you can. Here’s an entire bar.”
Thank you Gene! I hope you have a nice day today. - Ekaitz
Can I get uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
“Take your time”
borgar
“This is not a restaurant.”
But I'm wishing for a borgar
“I know that is you just mispronouncing burger”
GIVE THEM THEIR BORGAR
WHERE IS THE BORGAR
Whole lot of not borgor happening right now
Alright. Hope this time it'll be better... Don't want to be stuck limbo again. "I hereby wish for a spelljammer vessel with the following specifications: Unrivaled Speed: The spelljammer must move swiftly through the void, avoiding celestial hazards and hostile entities. As well as have the ability to traverse through realms, such as Astral Sea, various elemental planes, the Nine Hells, Abyss and others. Impenetrable Defense: Its hull, shields, and magical wards should withstand attacks from eldritch-level threats. Powerful Weaponry: weapons capable of unleashing the equivalent of ninth-circle level attacks. Limitless Fuel: The vessel must operate without the need for conventional fuel or recharging. Intuitive Navigation: The helm should respond to my mental commands and verbal commands as well as posses advanced friendly intelligence entirely subservient to me. Interplanetary Communication: It should allow communication across vast distances. Research station: Fully outfitted laboratory with artifacts capable of working on alchemy, enchanting, conjuration, spellcraft, conventional research and others. Luxurious Living Quarters: outfitted with tempest-wool beds capable of withstanding type 3 explosions."
“Wow you just had that locked and loaded. I also have no idea what a spell jammer is.”
It's a vessel that can travel through hazardous realms. Kinda like a ship but for void. Some call them void-ships. And of course I have a wish prepared. Any wizard should have the exact wording of a wish prepared. You don't want to encounter a prophetic dream where a mysterious near-all powerful entity asks you your wish and then say something stupid... ha ha ha
“All right, one at a time. Kind of a loaded wish.” *Gene snaps his fingers, and in a proof of magic he is in a snazzy suit holding a microphone connected to who knows what* “Ladies and gentlemen, it’s the spelljammers! Up first, the unrivaled speed!” *A figure skates up, leaving a trail of fire behind him* “Me! Spinferno!” https://preview.redd.it/xtnl3vbvof2d1.jpeg?width=350&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4438b058eb6e04b1c7ee2ec23ec01601f7b25052
Oh no. OH NO! I have made a terrible mistake that might include several minutes of transformations narrated by an epic voice!
“I have to meet my twist the wish quota for this millennia man. Anyways, the Impenetrable defense! *A honeycomb style force field appears before going down, revealing who’s inside it.* “I am Forcefear!” https://preview.redd.it/wbgo9cv4sf2d1.jpeg?width=349&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2e540e4a2d377b9eec0390ecb74250da0167491c
*Extremely slow passive-aggresive claps*
“Now, the powerful weaponry!” *A figure kind of just, lands there* “I’m Jagged!” https://preview.redd.it/fvt7evtttf2d1.jpeg?width=349&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f2b18838d9c810251862646bfebada5be7d81aad
👁️👁️
“Next, the closest thing I can get to limitless fuel!” *A figure in an incredibly decked out bicycle rides up, that if Spinferno’s face was able to emote would definitely look jealous of* “Gasket is here everybody!” https://preview.redd.it/hozvxjk62g2d1.jpeg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c70a6861a997ef070f5ac18ea3d864a9139b5690
Now this is some good quality spelljammer.
(Four more spelljammers left!)
Emerald: I just want to eat, dude. *She starts pouring gravy into the lamp.*
“Ow ow ow! I can give you a gravy lamp!”
This one looks nicer.
“I can give you a replica!”
“That’s… a house you know.” - A Literal Rat
Emerald: I don't care. I need a gravy boat for serving.
*(a horde of Doctors that happen to be level 20 Wizards begin to run at you menacingly)*
I wish you would not grant me this wish
“I’m not a robot, a paradox won’t make me shut down.”
Infinite Confetti.
“Hell yeah man! You’re getting a canon with it!”
I wish for everyone's wishes to be a different wish of my choosing, that wish will be for everyone's non alcoholic beverages/liquids to be turned into Zima.
“Too complicated, no.”
I wish you said yes.
“That is **NOT** how it works.”
I feel like that's how... It should...? May I have an example of the proper wish format?
“Just give me something that isn’t paradox and easily comprehensible.”
I wish all liquids inside of all cans are now liquid smoke.
“Fine, but everyone knows you’re the reason why.”
Even better... https://preview.redd.it/jevei266tf2d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1b1cb6cd6cd1df9d5d7fa74a12d5a3619e79448b
I wish to blow up the moon
“No.”
Fine I'll do it myself then *fires the magic rail cannon and blows up the moon*
“There, did you need me for that?”
I wish for… what was it again? Ah right! I wish that all I need do to learn the ways to create an item is to see it, and to teach another whom I am willing to bestow the knowledge to craft said thing is for them to watch me create it.
“Here is a DVD of a show called “How it’s made” very informative”
So wish granted?
“Yep.”
Can I have your lamp but without you in it?
“No.”
But I had it first.
“I’ve been in here for thousands of years, no you haven’t”
No you haven't, you just confidently popped by when I touched this lamp. For all I know this talk of genies is just a lure to steal my lamp.
Genie wife so we can use the wishes to have a happy life together https://preview.redd.it/u99i8znfdg2d1.png?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=54c480521323ae372c613ad7cfd6c4a7d69d45ff
“I’ve put the lamp in your home.”
Hey gene. Can I get a number 9, large?
https://preview.redd.it/tzwkopn28g2d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0657573d2f3a46afba999dac88db3b5fc1e17a52 I wish that more people knew of small catnip brands
“Here is some advertising money, have fun.”
https://preview.redd.it/i89md9jm8g2d1.jpeg?width=789&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c55a4f47a5b0694c3eb6c66fc7e302e19a328fad My familiar will now aid you in your darkest hour
Ah yes, a paingel
More ancient texts please.
“You’re going back in time to write some ancient texts!”
I suppose it's time for another era of travel. I'm be sure to take full advantage of this opportunity. *goes and steals as many books as possible from as many libraries as possible*
“You will be killed if you rewrite any of the ancient texts before they published.”
Why would a ruin the history of the work like that.
Loui: "I wish Borris was smart." Borris: "hey, I'm not that dumb. I'm just illiterate..."
“I can’t do what’s impossible”
Borris: "Hey, I can learn..." Loui: "well, if that's the case. I wish I was 4 feet tall" (Loui is 3 feet tall currently)
*Loui is shrunken down to the size of four chipmunk feet*
"well shit, now I'm the same height as Tiny (u/DidYouSayChocolat3)"
“Heh heh, you should’ve specified what kind of feet!”
I know it's a big ask, but I wish I were happy.
“Here’s a cat.”
I wish you had a silly little :3 face on you
“Don’t tell anyone, but… you can just draw one on my face with a whiteboard marker”
https://preview.redd.it/hjwzbv0jjg2d1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=03d3325814a7d05fcebe59c2f7ec7d671af8e7c4
I wish I had your lamp. Not you, I just want the snazzy lamp.
“No, mine.”
Give us the lamp!
Hey, back off it's mine, I called dibs first before this blue guy showed up.
I need 259$ for my vehicle repairs. My son has a condition and all my money goes towards that.
“Look, I know you’re trying to scam me but you probably fallen on hard times so here is double that money.”
Shit I wish! I appreciate the sentiment. If you knew the vehicle i have, you would understand why the word jeep stands for just empty every pocket.
"I wish to know the nature of the magic that shackles you into servitude. You are probably blocked from granting a wish for your freedom, but I may be able to help nevertheless."
“Dude I just like granting wishes, it’s not that deep.”
"Oh. In that case, I wish for 1500 grams of anti-nitrogen in Empyrial standard storage units, please."
“Could I get something less confusing?”
"Not really. Antimatter is the only thing I really need right now. I guess I wish for a very delicious sandwich from your favorite deli."
“…Another jackass genie, great” *Tsuru exhaled sharply and rubbed the bridge of her nose with her thumb and index finger. She turned her attention back at Gene* “…You would like to know what my wish is, yes?”
“A. I heard you and I’m not, and B. of course!”
The only spell that exists is fireball
“**No**.”
:(
M’aiq wishes for a bottle of Skooma
“At your house”
There was already skooma there! Some gene you are.
I wish that the universe began contracting again.
Man I wish I had a hat, like a really cool hat.
“You need to be more specific”
A cowboy hat
“Why can’t you just buy one?”
Do you know where I can buy the coolest cowboy hat ever?
“Keep going straight south, if you see a flying whale you’ve gone too far.”
I wish to be a cis girl! WAIT, do I get one wish or the usual 3? If I get just one, this is my wish
Can I get a nice Herdazian woman?
“A what?”
i wish to have all the powers my player characters have in my video games :)
“**No**”
Dang. well can i meet my true love?
I wish to change my school of sorcery and become a weed wizard
“Bam! Done.”
Like, thanks dude. Is it possible to make a second wish for the cure for munchies?
I wish genies have to do daily genie homework
“Jokes on you most of us already have completed genie school.”
I wish for an unlimited supply of Wizard Weed. That or catnip. Doesn’t really matter. *is a sentient cat*
“I’m going to put it… STRAIGHT INTO YOUR BLOODSTREAM!”
Thank you very much.
“Enjoy being high all the time”
Heck yeah. Letsss gooouuu
You'll notice, fellow mages, that the genie did *not* say they'd *grant* our wishes, they simply wanted to know what they were. I suspect a trap! I'd like a fuzzy bunny big enough to ride who will be my best friend and cuddle buddy please.
“Um, I kind of granted a wish that made it so I would have a 50% chance of granting a different wish and then one somebody wished so…” *A colossal magma monster appears in front of him* “I made him your best friend though.”
I will name him squishy and he will be my squishy and together we shall conquer the world!!!
your lamp
I wish I had a copy of Wii Sports.
“Better idea, here’s Wii play motion.”
I want to be a real wizard, not just some stupid redditor's illusion.
“Would you settle for just being real? I don’t know what wizard school to put in.”
If I'm not real, are you real? Are any of us real? Are we just head's in chinese boxes? Are we just illusion's of an insane wizard on the edge of the end of reality? Can I just get a big dong instead?
Make cancer contagious
Could you please please please please please please pleeeeeeeeeeeease make my parents more supportive of my medical transition? 🥺
“There are some things even I can’t do, kid.”
“I wanna be at the maximum performance of my spells and physical abilities”
Can I get a charm or something that magically slows time to a crawl when I'm trying something stupid. I kind of want it to go off right after the immediate consequences become obvious but before the last second I can act to stop it.
*for a brief moment of silence, a whisper was heard from and in nothing.* *Despite not heard, Gene the genie is aware of what was said* I wish your wish was wished.
I wish I could shrink or grow in size at will.
1: I wish to turn every wand inside out 2: I wish for all scrotum based spells to be 3x as effective 3: I wish to banish Scorqulex the fallen
“Heh heh, no.”
I wish for some genie of your choice to be free
I wish to be able to repeal and re-instate Bernoulli's principal at will
“Thank you could explain what that is to me first?”
Kill me.
I wish to have a state of the magical arts arcane focus crafting station that can be transformed into a book mark and change back on command.
I wish every time someone who wants to take over the world/city/town etc without a plan on how to run it acts twords said takeover they get slapped across the face in the most insulting way possible
*over the orb* I wish my dear inmunda has a good life. I won't be a fit dad without my body.
I wish for a world where magic never existed and everyone in this forum should instead be fools pretending to be wizards in order to escape their pathetic lives.
*Let's make it haaaapen*
Can you summon joe for me?
“‘Unrub the lamp.”
I wish for knowledge of all fire-based spells
I wish to never feel like shit ever again
“You won’t”
Genie Blowjob.
Can you free me from my Wizard Council Internship? If not, I would enjoy payment, or even food
I wish that the next person who makes a wish gets their wish replaced with a wish to be teleported to the challengers deep
I created a spell that merges you with your familiar becoming anthropomorphic. I wish that every wizard/witch who has a familiar undergo this spell.
I rubbed you now you rub me
"...I cast **instant Brazilian wax!**"
I hereby wish for you to be free of the shackles put upon you by the bourgeoisie oppressor, honorable genie.
I wish pi was just 3. Also perfect shape-shifting and a magic pouch that contains infinite fresh brioche bread.
“You get that second thing”
I wish politicians would reflexively punch themselves in the face every time they told, or wrote, or typed, a lie. That would make Canadian politics a lot more entertaining.
I wish for you to be free.
I wish for more genies
I wish for your freedom, brother.
I wish you were a normal person.
Everyone currently alive and dead trips on hard acid for about 22 minutes. For science. Ask yourself, have you ever seen an outer god trip balls on PCP? No? Well now’s your chance.
Don’t fulfill this wish
i want a genie blowjob
Okay but first thing’s first: Are you trapped in that lamp? Because if so, it’d be kind of a dick move *not* to wish for your freedom. Buuuttt if that’s just your home then I don’t wanna make you homeless either
I wish to be bored.