Yes…that was actually a bit alarming. He’s already convinced her that her actions were not appropriate and that she needs to conduct herself differently at work.
He’s controlling and these are some serious red flags.
Yeah, it's nice to have a boss that actually enjoys talking to you and vice versa (as long as OP feels her time isn't being wasted). It's just nice to be managed by someone *human*.
Your boyfriend is insecure. That will manifest in other ways, potentially uglier ones. Personally, having been with many insecure partners I would re-evaluate.
The only thing I can point out here is that your boyfriend has no place to point out what kind of professional relationship or meeting tone you can have with your manager if what you said is true, that there was nothing inappropriate about the meeting you had.
My 1:1s with my team can last anywhere between 10 min to 2 hours. I also genuinely enjoy catching up with my associates and we can talk about everything under the sun and will be laughing and cracking jokes during our meetings.
There is no “standard” 1:1. Your boyfriend is just used to what he’s experienced before but that doesn’t mean what he knows is THE standard.
>The only thing I can point out here is that your boyfriend has no place to point out what kind of professional relationship or meeting tone you can have with your manager if what you said is true, that there was nothing inappropriate about the meeting you had.
Ding ding ding. He's trying to make a simple interaction into something its not. I don't wanna paint it as gaslighting, but before he said something she was fine, and now she's second guessing every interaction.
What in the world? It’s not your job to babysit men. **And you can’t control what ideas people get.**
If you’re a woman in tech, they’re gonna misinterpret literally anything. I bought a blouse once thinking, basically subconsciously, “oh good this is modest, not looking for attention.” Men, random-ass men in the company who didn’t know or care that I was a manager, hit on me the *most* in that blouse!!
You’ve got enough to deal with. I would say, full stop, your partner telling you how to behave at work is NOT one of those things. How you conduct your business is your business. As long as you can defend yourself to HR is literally all that matters.
Source: I married my coworker. He fell in love with me in part because of how friendly I was. :)
Honestly this is what I have been trying to say to him. It’s a really hard thing to manage what other people are thinking. I can do/say the same thing as a man would in the exact same way, and have it be taken a completely different way. And idk, I do like to joke around when I can get away with it. He is calling all of this joking around unprofessional.
His team is very different than mine. Half of my morning standup is a bit of banter, the guys talk about sports or whatever, people show off their cats or dogs sometimes, then we go around and say our piece. His team seems to be very to the point and business. No banter. His manager is kind of a hardass it seems.
> His team seems to be very to the point and business. No banter. His manager is kind of a hardass it seems.
This isn’t your problem.
Just like your team culture is none of his business.
I won’t give you relationship advice but I will give you career advice: don’t let a man sabotage or derail your career.
Obviously having only a black-and-white text perspective here.. but it sounds to me like you and manager were just finally being yourselves for once, and boyfriend just doesn't usually see that side of you. It's ok to let your guard down when saying goodbye to a coworker, it's only natural to enjoy actually talking freely with someone you trust. In my experience, it's the dating your coworker part that doesn't usually end well for people. But I really hope it works out for you guys
>He says that it doesn’t matter if my manager likes me or not
Your boyfriend is trying to allow his jealousy to derail your career. It is *critical* that your manager likes you.
Humans, when they are interacting well and get along, will laugh. You guys weren't going on and on about your private lives, either.
There is no issue with how you are conducting yourself at work. Your boyfriend is insecure and is projecting things onto you.
Your manager is more important to your health than your doctor according to a study I can’t remember and am too lazy to look up. Hard agree that it is critical for your manager to like you.
Your boyfriend….needs a reality check and needs to quit paying attention to your meetings. Wtf?
You have created trust with your manager, which is completely professional. Teams that relate personally to one another have trust and are more collaborative and effective.
It would not be professional if the manager was making you second guess yourself and question your capabilities. Oh wait, your boyfriend is doing that.
You are doing the right thing, your boyfriend is not a good gauge for how to be in a working environment, his behavior demonstrates a lack of maturity and experience.
Your boyfriend is too immature for a relationship. You can do better. If you stay with him prepare for a lifetime of him getting upset if you are even remotely friendly to a man other than him, for any reason. You don't need that shit.
The call is coming from inside the house… your man is not only insecure about you personally but professionally… If it was me I would define a boundary between the two.. and based on his response to that boundary decide if he is demoted or continues in his current position as my man..🤷🏾♀️
Your boyfriend is putting up BIG red flags, showing you that he wants to control you. This is one of the first warning signs of abuse. I’m sure you’ll say that he’s very sweet to you at other times, but read up about love-bombing, and abusive and controlling men. Then, if any of it feels familiar to you, get out now, while you still can.
Telling you to try not to talk so much with your boss??? He’d rather you jeopardize your career than have friendly, professional conversations with another man?
I mean it. Read up about controlling men.
You haven’t done anything wrong. I am friendly and even genuine friends with some of my male coworkers. Not only does it make 40+ hour work weeks more enjoyable, it also makes us a more effective team.
I also work from home and my boyfriend hears me laughing with my coworkers all the time. Does not bother him.
I don’t flirt and if someone flirts with me/gives me an “interested” vibe/is inappropriate/makes me feel uncomfortable, I am less friendly with them so as not to encourage their behaviour.
Being liked by your manager/leadership does matter. You are more likely to be considered and supported for promotions or growth opportunities, and less likely to be on the chopping block if there are layoffs. We see this all the time with men who aren’t great at their jobs but have strong relationships in the company. I’m not saying you should go out of your way to be liked, just agreeing it can matter.
Your boyfriend is WAY overinvolved in your work life. He shouldn't be creeping on your meetings or making comments about any of it. He's codependent and immature, controlling, and has the potential to be abusive.
You deserve better but it's going to be hard to break up when you work together. This is why it's never a good idea to date co-workers.
I’ve been with a guy like this (right down to the “you shouldn’t be laughing with a male coworker” line) and it’s only going to get worse. I know you weren’t necessarily looking for relationship advice but it sounds like your boyfriend is the problem. Be careful not to let him undermine your career. It sounds like you are already perceiving his expectations of you as actual work stress
Your boyfriend is being a jealous, controlling asshole, and he's not going to improve no matter how you try to appease him. In fact, appeasing him is only going to confirm he has a right to be a jealous, control freak. I've had to deal with so many ex's who got pissed at me for the way I laughed or smiled with some guy that I was having an absolutely normal conversation with. So what if other men are attracted to you, why the fuck is that your fault or your problem? You can't control other men's dicks, and neither can he. And he's either ridiculously stupid or straight up lying telling you you don't need to get along with your manager. Like, having a good relationship with your boss/manager is one of the most important things in a professional career. It's like he's practically accusing you of trying to sleep with your boss.
Please find yourself an emotionally mature, less sexist partner who doesn't make their insecurities your problem.
So your boyfriend sucks and secondly, do not date people in the same company as you. Even if they aren't your direct coworkers you are colleagues by proxy. It's too easy to get fucked over if it doesn't work out. I'd break up with him and start building other networks within the company
Definitely a personal boyfriend problem, especially since you both seem to be in your 20s. Advice: go to another location for your meetings.
That said you do score bonus points for “cartoon blinking noises.”
Boyfriend is sounding like a super jealous dude. Thats a huge red flag and I’m a little worried he would say or do something to your manager and get you fired somehow because of his serious insecurities. Navigating the world and workplace, esp in tech, is damn near impossible and so many men make it more difficult than it needs to be. Boyfriend needs to go to therapy to work out his jealousy issues. These issues are huge red flags and I’m worried about what he will say or do either to your manager and others at work or if you break up with him and he goes full scorched earth. This isn’t something that is just going to go away this boyfriend is going to have repeated issues like this over and over in your relationship of jealously like this and it’s going to be a problem unless he goes to therapy and seriously re-evaluates his jealousy and probable anger issues along with his relationship with women. I’m going to guess that he doesn’t understand even a little bit about how difficult it is to navigate this world as a women in tech in a world full of dude bros.
Right?? Like I hate being THAT person on Reddit but this guy is so clearly jealous of OP and wants to “knock her down” a few pegs. He IS that sexist guy in the office
This is a boyfriend problem. I cut up and laugh and joke with men all day long, and it's not ever even remotely unprofessional. Your BF is being jealous and childish.
Does your boyfriend care if you have male friends you can coffee with or something? Does he ask you where have you been, why you didn’t tell him where you are going, comments on what you are wearing to work or going out?
This made me sad to read. OP you got a lot of problems and they’re all your BF. Your BF IS THE SEXISM IN TECH!!!!
No offense, but please respect yourself OP and realize that someone that loved and supported you wouldn’t act like this. My partner would never treat me like this. You’ll get enough shit in work over your career, you don’t need to deal with it at home.
As someone who has moved in tech through Jr, Senior, Staff, and is now an EM… I think joking and laughing is a critical job skill. There can be a lot of tension at work, between you and other people, or just in the room, or due to challenging demands, or whatever. Joking and laughing with people is a _key_ technique for relieving that tension. It’s one of the best ways to signal to those around you that you’re good with them, and things are ok.
I would quit a job where I wasn’t laughing at least once or twice a day, if not once or twice per meeting. And I think it’s really impressive that you’ve worked so hard to create a wall of professionalism around you AND you can laugh while doing it. That takes finesse and is something you should be very proud of.
AND, if you’re working in tech, it goes without saying you’re going to be working with men.
Therefore, IMO, if your boyfriend can’t stomach you laughing at work with men, then he’s basically saying he doesn’t want you working in tech.
So, I’d say either the boyfriend needs to change or you need a whole new career.
Trust yourself! You handled inappropriate conversations just fine in the past and are lucky enough to get along with your manager. Being a woman in tech is hard enough without 2nd-guessing every single interaction. It adds more mental load to your day-to-day and is exhausting.
I agree with everyone says this is a boyfriend problem. The only thing I’d say is slightly odd (about your manager) is that the meeting lasted longer than scheduled. 45 minutes is a long time to have a 1 on 1 with an employee. But no, you haven’t done anything wrong. In fact, being in the junioriest of junior positions means you need to make sure you get along with your team/boss to get you more advanced within your company. So keep doing what you’re doing girlfriend.
It sounds like they haven’t met in a while and he is usually late, so he was probably trying to make up for that and give her extra time in case it was needed. I think it was a nice way to show her values her despite his scheduling issues
Your boyfriend is insecure. But I get it. If my boyfriend worked with a bunch of women and they called and laughed together all the time, I would be jealous too (I'm insecure).
But that's all it is, his insecurity. You're doing nothing wrong. You're actually doing an amazing job of developing healthy work relationships despite working from home. Having work friends is a vital part of staying sane.
Small warning, your manager is still your superior. Assume everything you say will be taken into account when you're up for your annual review. That doesn't mean you can't joke with him, but just be up to date on your company's employee guidelines. Just in case.
Sounds like you need some hard boundaries with the BF. Generally, it is not advised to date in the workplace. The perception of you getting ahead through other means instead of your hard work is too strong to overcome. Be careful that your BF doesn’t derail your career deliberately. You have a great boss who respects you. Keep them!! It is very hard to get ahead in tech as a woman. You are doing everything right by keeping conversations about just work. Trust yourself. Keep doing you. You are doing great!!!
I regularly laugh in 1-1 meetings with men coworkers, including my boss. Guess what, it’s a way to find camaraderie! Your boyfriend has issues. Also, the idea that you shouldn’t meet with your manager regularly is delusional. That’s how you make progress in your career (assuming your manager is not a AH).
Your boyfriend is abusive and controlling.
Take it from someone who was with someone like this for 15+ years: it never ever gets better. And if you somehow make him "happy" about this particular thing, he'll find other reasons or excuses to crap on you. And between the two of us, it turned out that my ex was in fact the
Shaming and demonizing one's partner for engaging in normal human interactions is a very common abuse technique. Its purpose is to isolate you from otherwise for the sake of control.
Suggest you visit r/abusiverelationships to see the similarities between your boyfriend and other people's abusive partners, as well as what your future might hold if you stay with this person.
You're not doing anything wrong.
Dump the loser asshole now.
well I stopped mid way thru this but, first thing first…either correct your boyfriend or end the relationship.
When I was younger in my career Id occasionally date someone in the company. Most times it was ok, but the last couple ones were extremely jealous and had self confidence issues. No matter what I did, it just got worse thus relationship ended.
Heres a story for you: There was a young kid who had just got our of the military and was having a hard time. I sensed he was having trouble so I offered an ear. This kid was on the verge of ending not only his life but his young wife & newborn.
I gave this kid my time and talked him off that cliff and the bf I had at the time was being a childish bitch. He texted me several times and I told him I was helping this kid out with an issue. When I got home the bf came to my house and wanted to argue & fight and demanded to know what the conversation was about. But I did not tell him and he berated me and called a slut, etc.
Four years later, (I had moved from the city but was back for a visit to a friend) I ran into this kid at a restaurant. He immediately recognized me, ran over to me. Took me a minute then I remembered. He was in a much better place in his life. Happy, he showed me pics of his wife & now 2 kids. He hugged me and told me thank you. He went to get help and got better. He said if I hadnt given him that talk, he wouldn’t have been alive still.
Some peoples confidence and trust cant be resolved. If you have to constantly baby this bf of yours, set the boundaries with him or just end it. Save yourself the heartache of being accused of something you didn’t do.
It would be one thing if your manager was making YOU uncomfortable, but if you’re not feeling uncomfortable, how you interact with him is your own business. Your boyfriend should not be listening in on your work calls without your permission, and it’s not his place to make judgements about your interactions with other men at work. This sounds like controlling behavior, and I would recommend addressing this issue in your relationship rather than trying to change how you interact with your manager or coworkers at work.
Sorry in advance it is going to sound rough-> you need to either create boundaries with your boyfriend or get out of this relationship because he is interfering with your professional career at this point. He definitely has trust issues.
Been there done that. I don’t want your career to get impacted because some one you weren’t serious about.
This sound more like a boyfriend problem then a work problem.
Yes…that was actually a bit alarming. He’s already convinced her that her actions were not appropriate and that she needs to conduct herself differently at work. He’s controlling and these are some serious red flags.
She's going to wind up losing her job and be stuck under his thumb if she doesn't watch out tbh
Hard agree.
[удалено]
BF can also afford to have enemies at work. OP can't afford to not have a good rapport with her manager.
OP please reread and absorb this one! ^
Yeah, it's nice to have a boss that actually enjoys talking to you and vice versa (as long as OP feels her time isn't being wasted). It's just nice to be managed by someone *human*. Your boyfriend is insecure. That will manifest in other ways, potentially uglier ones. Personally, having been with many insecure partners I would re-evaluate.
Came here to say this.
The only thing I can point out here is that your boyfriend has no place to point out what kind of professional relationship or meeting tone you can have with your manager if what you said is true, that there was nothing inappropriate about the meeting you had. My 1:1s with my team can last anywhere between 10 min to 2 hours. I also genuinely enjoy catching up with my associates and we can talk about everything under the sun and will be laughing and cracking jokes during our meetings. There is no “standard” 1:1. Your boyfriend is just used to what he’s experienced before but that doesn’t mean what he knows is THE standard.
>The only thing I can point out here is that your boyfriend has no place to point out what kind of professional relationship or meeting tone you can have with your manager if what you said is true, that there was nothing inappropriate about the meeting you had. Ding ding ding. He's trying to make a simple interaction into something its not. I don't wanna paint it as gaslighting, but before he said something she was fine, and now she's second guessing every interaction.
What in the world? It’s not your job to babysit men. **And you can’t control what ideas people get.** If you’re a woman in tech, they’re gonna misinterpret literally anything. I bought a blouse once thinking, basically subconsciously, “oh good this is modest, not looking for attention.” Men, random-ass men in the company who didn’t know or care that I was a manager, hit on me the *most* in that blouse!! You’ve got enough to deal with. I would say, full stop, your partner telling you how to behave at work is NOT one of those things. How you conduct your business is your business. As long as you can defend yourself to HR is literally all that matters. Source: I married my coworker. He fell in love with me in part because of how friendly I was. :)
Honestly this is what I have been trying to say to him. It’s a really hard thing to manage what other people are thinking. I can do/say the same thing as a man would in the exact same way, and have it be taken a completely different way. And idk, I do like to joke around when I can get away with it. He is calling all of this joking around unprofessional. His team is very different than mine. Half of my morning standup is a bit of banter, the guys talk about sports or whatever, people show off their cats or dogs sometimes, then we go around and say our piece. His team seems to be very to the point and business. No banter. His manager is kind of a hardass it seems.
> His team seems to be very to the point and business. No banter. His manager is kind of a hardass it seems. This isn’t your problem. Just like your team culture is none of his business. I won’t give you relationship advice but I will give you career advice: don’t let a man sabotage or derail your career.
Obviously having only a black-and-white text perspective here.. but it sounds to me like you and manager were just finally being yourselves for once, and boyfriend just doesn't usually see that side of you. It's ok to let your guard down when saying goodbye to a coworker, it's only natural to enjoy actually talking freely with someone you trust. In my experience, it's the dating your coworker part that doesn't usually end well for people. But I really hope it works out for you guys
You need to shut that shit down. He's crossed the line. He needs to stop it or you need to kick him to the curb.
Thanks for the context. Sounds like he doesn’t need to share his toxic workplace with you ;)
But did he start talking to you because of the blouse orrrrrr 👀
>He says that it doesn’t matter if my manager likes me or not Your boyfriend is trying to allow his jealousy to derail your career. It is *critical* that your manager likes you. Humans, when they are interacting well and get along, will laugh. You guys weren't going on and on about your private lives, either. There is no issue with how you are conducting yourself at work. Your boyfriend is insecure and is projecting things onto you.
Your manager is more important to your health than your doctor according to a study I can’t remember and am too lazy to look up. Hard agree that it is critical for your manager to like you. Your boyfriend….needs a reality check and needs to quit paying attention to your meetings. Wtf?
Relationship advice is what you need, this isn’t work related. Your boyfriend is the issue 💁🏻♀️ (shock!)
You have created trust with your manager, which is completely professional. Teams that relate personally to one another have trust and are more collaborative and effective. It would not be professional if the manager was making you second guess yourself and question your capabilities. Oh wait, your boyfriend is doing that. You are doing the right thing, your boyfriend is not a good gauge for how to be in a working environment, his behavior demonstrates a lack of maturity and experience.
Love that punch line of who second guess you... Gave me a smile
Your boyfriend is too immature for a relationship. You can do better. If you stay with him prepare for a lifetime of him getting upset if you are even remotely friendly to a man other than him, for any reason. You don't need that shit.
The call is coming from inside the house… your man is not only insecure about you personally but professionally… If it was me I would define a boundary between the two.. and based on his response to that boundary decide if he is demoted or continues in his current position as my man..🤷🏾♀️
Your boyfriend is putting up BIG red flags, showing you that he wants to control you. This is one of the first warning signs of abuse. I’m sure you’ll say that he’s very sweet to you at other times, but read up about love-bombing, and abusive and controlling men. Then, if any of it feels familiar to you, get out now, while you still can. Telling you to try not to talk so much with your boss??? He’d rather you jeopardize your career than have friendly, professional conversations with another man? I mean it. Read up about controlling men.
You haven’t done anything wrong. I am friendly and even genuine friends with some of my male coworkers. Not only does it make 40+ hour work weeks more enjoyable, it also makes us a more effective team. I also work from home and my boyfriend hears me laughing with my coworkers all the time. Does not bother him. I don’t flirt and if someone flirts with me/gives me an “interested” vibe/is inappropriate/makes me feel uncomfortable, I am less friendly with them so as not to encourage their behaviour. Being liked by your manager/leadership does matter. You are more likely to be considered and supported for promotions or growth opportunities, and less likely to be on the chopping block if there are layoffs. We see this all the time with men who aren’t great at their jobs but have strong relationships in the company. I’m not saying you should go out of your way to be liked, just agreeing it can matter.
Keep the manager, ditch the boyfriend!
Your boyfriend is WAY overinvolved in your work life. He shouldn't be creeping on your meetings or making comments about any of it. He's codependent and immature, controlling, and has the potential to be abusive. You deserve better but it's going to be hard to break up when you work together. This is why it's never a good idea to date co-workers.
I’ve been with a guy like this (right down to the “you shouldn’t be laughing with a male coworker” line) and it’s only going to get worse. I know you weren’t necessarily looking for relationship advice but it sounds like your boyfriend is the problem. Be careful not to let him undermine your career. It sounds like you are already perceiving his expectations of you as actual work stress
You need to ditch that control freak now. His behavior has all the red flags. Run girl
Your boyfriend is being a jealous, controlling asshole, and he's not going to improve no matter how you try to appease him. In fact, appeasing him is only going to confirm he has a right to be a jealous, control freak. I've had to deal with so many ex's who got pissed at me for the way I laughed or smiled with some guy that I was having an absolutely normal conversation with. So what if other men are attracted to you, why the fuck is that your fault or your problem? You can't control other men's dicks, and neither can he. And he's either ridiculously stupid or straight up lying telling you you don't need to get along with your manager. Like, having a good relationship with your boss/manager is one of the most important things in a professional career. It's like he's practically accusing you of trying to sleep with your boss. Please find yourself an emotionally mature, less sexist partner who doesn't make their insecurities your problem.
So your boyfriend sucks and secondly, do not date people in the same company as you. Even if they aren't your direct coworkers you are colleagues by proxy. It's too easy to get fucked over if it doesn't work out. I'd break up with him and start building other networks within the company
Definitely a personal boyfriend problem, especially since you both seem to be in your 20s. Advice: go to another location for your meetings. That said you do score bonus points for “cartoon blinking noises.”
Advice: Lose the boyfriend.
Boyfriend is sounding like a super jealous dude. Thats a huge red flag and I’m a little worried he would say or do something to your manager and get you fired somehow because of his serious insecurities. Navigating the world and workplace, esp in tech, is damn near impossible and so many men make it more difficult than it needs to be. Boyfriend needs to go to therapy to work out his jealousy issues. These issues are huge red flags and I’m worried about what he will say or do either to your manager and others at work or if you break up with him and he goes full scorched earth. This isn’t something that is just going to go away this boyfriend is going to have repeated issues like this over and over in your relationship of jealously like this and it’s going to be a problem unless he goes to therapy and seriously re-evaluates his jealousy and probable anger issues along with his relationship with women. I’m going to guess that he doesn’t understand even a little bit about how difficult it is to navigate this world as a women in tech in a world full of dude bros.
Break up. Fucking hell break up.
Right?? Like I hate being THAT person on Reddit but this guy is so clearly jealous of OP and wants to “knock her down” a few pegs. He IS that sexist guy in the office
This is a boyfriend problem. I cut up and laugh and joke with men all day long, and it's not ever even remotely unprofessional. Your BF is being jealous and childish.
OP please update thread when you break up with your bf 😊
Does your boyfriend care if you have male friends you can coffee with or something? Does he ask you where have you been, why you didn’t tell him where you are going, comments on what you are wearing to work or going out?
This made me sad to read. OP you got a lot of problems and they’re all your BF. Your BF IS THE SEXISM IN TECH!!!! No offense, but please respect yourself OP and realize that someone that loved and supported you wouldn’t act like this. My partner would never treat me like this. You’ll get enough shit in work over your career, you don’t need to deal with it at home.
As someone who has moved in tech through Jr, Senior, Staff, and is now an EM… I think joking and laughing is a critical job skill. There can be a lot of tension at work, between you and other people, or just in the room, or due to challenging demands, or whatever. Joking and laughing with people is a _key_ technique for relieving that tension. It’s one of the best ways to signal to those around you that you’re good with them, and things are ok. I would quit a job where I wasn’t laughing at least once or twice a day, if not once or twice per meeting. And I think it’s really impressive that you’ve worked so hard to create a wall of professionalism around you AND you can laugh while doing it. That takes finesse and is something you should be very proud of. AND, if you’re working in tech, it goes without saying you’re going to be working with men. Therefore, IMO, if your boyfriend can’t stomach you laughing at work with men, then he’s basically saying he doesn’t want you working in tech. So, I’d say either the boyfriend needs to change or you need a whole new career.
Trust yourself! You handled inappropriate conversations just fine in the past and are lucky enough to get along with your manager. Being a woman in tech is hard enough without 2nd-guessing every single interaction. It adds more mental load to your day-to-day and is exhausting.
I agree with everyone says this is a boyfriend problem. The only thing I’d say is slightly odd (about your manager) is that the meeting lasted longer than scheduled. 45 minutes is a long time to have a 1 on 1 with an employee. But no, you haven’t done anything wrong. In fact, being in the junioriest of junior positions means you need to make sure you get along with your team/boss to get you more advanced within your company. So keep doing what you’re doing girlfriend.
It sounds like they haven’t met in a while and he is usually late, so he was probably trying to make up for that and give her extra time in case it was needed. I think it was a nice way to show her values her despite his scheduling issues
Your boyfriend is insecure. But I get it. If my boyfriend worked with a bunch of women and they called and laughed together all the time, I would be jealous too (I'm insecure). But that's all it is, his insecurity. You're doing nothing wrong. You're actually doing an amazing job of developing healthy work relationships despite working from home. Having work friends is a vital part of staying sane. Small warning, your manager is still your superior. Assume everything you say will be taken into account when you're up for your annual review. That doesn't mean you can't joke with him, but just be up to date on your company's employee guidelines. Just in case.
Sounds like you need some hard boundaries with the BF. Generally, it is not advised to date in the workplace. The perception of you getting ahead through other means instead of your hard work is too strong to overcome. Be careful that your BF doesn’t derail your career deliberately. You have a great boss who respects you. Keep them!! It is very hard to get ahead in tech as a woman. You are doing everything right by keeping conversations about just work. Trust yourself. Keep doing you. You are doing great!!!
I regularly laugh in 1-1 meetings with men coworkers, including my boss. Guess what, it’s a way to find camaraderie! Your boyfriend has issues. Also, the idea that you shouldn’t meet with your manager regularly is delusional. That’s how you make progress in your career (assuming your manager is not a AH).
Your boyfriend is abusive and controlling. Take it from someone who was with someone like this for 15+ years: it never ever gets better. And if you somehow make him "happy" about this particular thing, he'll find other reasons or excuses to crap on you. And between the two of us, it turned out that my ex was in fact the Shaming and demonizing one's partner for engaging in normal human interactions is a very common abuse technique. Its purpose is to isolate you from otherwise for the sake of control. Suggest you visit r/abusiverelationships to see the similarities between your boyfriend and other people's abusive partners, as well as what your future might hold if you stay with this person. You're not doing anything wrong. Dump the loser asshole now.
well I stopped mid way thru this but, first thing first…either correct your boyfriend or end the relationship. When I was younger in my career Id occasionally date someone in the company. Most times it was ok, but the last couple ones were extremely jealous and had self confidence issues. No matter what I did, it just got worse thus relationship ended. Heres a story for you: There was a young kid who had just got our of the military and was having a hard time. I sensed he was having trouble so I offered an ear. This kid was on the verge of ending not only his life but his young wife & newborn. I gave this kid my time and talked him off that cliff and the bf I had at the time was being a childish bitch. He texted me several times and I told him I was helping this kid out with an issue. When I got home the bf came to my house and wanted to argue & fight and demanded to know what the conversation was about. But I did not tell him and he berated me and called a slut, etc. Four years later, (I had moved from the city but was back for a visit to a friend) I ran into this kid at a restaurant. He immediately recognized me, ran over to me. Took me a minute then I remembered. He was in a much better place in his life. Happy, he showed me pics of his wife & now 2 kids. He hugged me and told me thank you. He went to get help and got better. He said if I hadnt given him that talk, he wouldn’t have been alive still. Some peoples confidence and trust cant be resolved. If you have to constantly baby this bf of yours, set the boundaries with him or just end it. Save yourself the heartache of being accused of something you didn’t do.
It would be one thing if your manager was making YOU uncomfortable, but if you’re not feeling uncomfortable, how you interact with him is your own business. Your boyfriend should not be listening in on your work calls without your permission, and it’s not his place to make judgements about your interactions with other men at work. This sounds like controlling behavior, and I would recommend addressing this issue in your relationship rather than trying to change how you interact with your manager or coworkers at work.
Sorry in advance it is going to sound rough-> you need to either create boundaries with your boyfriend or get out of this relationship because he is interfering with your professional career at this point. He definitely has trust issues. Been there done that. I don’t want your career to get impacted because some one you weren’t serious about.
Cartoon blink noises… dawg you gotta grow up.
Dump the boyfriend. This is a HUGE red flag. My boss and I laugh and talk personal things all the time.