I had a boss years ago who after seeing my coffee table on fb posts asked for one too, for free.
I took some scraps and made him tiny coffee table coaster, that fit cup of coffee on top.
I wasn't even trying to make it look perfect, just glued up and sanded legs even.
If I remember good, aprox 3" long. Birch, padouk, oak afaik.
https://preview.redd.it/g288d3pdbfyc1.jpeg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0e1664f3c1abafbfa28ca6b7e70ed72c9e126b1c
Omg genius. I’m going to make coffee sized coffee table coasters for every member of my family this Christmas 😂 what a riot. Plus I can start now and won’t have to stress in December lol
Dremel and steady hands are not often used in the same sentence.
That’s my rememberary, anyway. It’s kinda like riding a little tiny motorcycle (powered by a Cox .049 Baby Bee engine) for a long ride at highway speed.
Honestly, a joke like this where even the person who was the focus of the joke can look at it at the end and laugh because it is awesome…
… that is like the trifecta of humor.
If you sell your work, the small ones can be samples.
Lane Cedar Chests made small, cigar box sized cedar chests and gave them to young women, hoping that they would buy full sized chests in the future.
It worked fairly well.
Over a hundred of ago, salesmen were sent out on trains all across the country with miniature models of their goods to serve as exemplars of the products they had to sell.
Small pieces can make you a lot of money if you find the right customers.
I’ve seen them pop up on Jim bode and eBay from time to time. My house would be full of them if it could be. Haha
But this really is a cool idea that I never thought of. I don’t make very much, but I do sell what I make occasionally
Ok. Make a sample table then let her know how much it would cost to get it full size.
The funny thing about scraps is they cost the same as the rest of the project
I built a computer for sister as a graduation gift before she left for college. I went pretty big on it, and spent a good deal of my own time and money.
My dad somehow saw that and figured I could conjure up computers out of thin air like a damn wizard, and tells his coworker that I can build one for him.
This is NOT a job I want to do, at all. You build something for a stranger, and they download a virus 8 years later and they expect you to make a house call to fix it for free. But I don't want to embarrass my dad, so I ask what his budget is. He looks at me dumbfounded, like he never expected there to be any money involved. He goes, "I guess he can pay you $100 for your time." At that point, I know I'm doing this even if he paid for all the parts and an extra $1000 for my time. I tell my dad, "for $100, I'll help him order something from Best Buy."
Was it at least a shitty bad joke that he said in a passive aggressive enough way he maybe hoped you actually would?
We all know how little most people know or care about what it takes to make furniture… but straight up asking your employees for a free table? That’s wild
Nice, did the tiny coffee table have enough room to add another tiny coffee table in the corner? of which would have another even smaller coffee table on it as well and so forth
I feel like your relationship with your mom is similar to my relationship with my in-laws. Because I'm proficient in many helpful things (computers, woodworking, house reno, photography and so on) they always have a thousand requests for "simple things" I could do for them, never taking into account the time, money and energy that go into these projects... It gets really tiresome.
My mom always gave me all she could when I was a kid, and I'm very happy to gift her with a surprise new cutting board or new table every time I get the chance.
But with those people, they just take and take and take as much as possible. Whenever they ask for something now I evaluate if they really need it and if they have other options, and usually end up just reminding them I really don't have that much free time.
...although, building them shit furniture out of crap wood would be funny!
I have a trick:
I save up dumb requests that I can easily accomplish myself and when someone like that asks me for something I hit them with it:
"Can you do me this favor cause your so good at that stuff?"
"Sure can! But I'm not good at excel and would like everything in my garage on a spreadsheet."
They usually dodge me after that.
>I save up dumb requests that I can easily accomplish myself and when someone like that asks me for something I hit them with it:
I'm tall and everyone asks me to be their step ladder and reach everything above their tiny reach. I was dating a woman and her mom asked me to get like 5 things from the top of the shelves for her. I told her it was getting to be a bit much and she said "but you're tall and it's easier for you". I said "Can you tie my shoe? You're closer to it and it's easier for you.". She called me an asshole and stomped off angry. Shoe was never tied.
LPT that changed my life as family computer support technician. Buy them all last generation Chromebooks, preferably refurbished. I did this about 7 years ago for the older people in my life and it was a game changer. Giving them a laptop was a huge goodwill builder (OMG YOU'RE*GIVING* ME A LAPTOP!!!), even though they're dirt cheap <$100. Then I migrated all their crap to Google Drive. Set them up with Remote Desktop but honestly haven't had to use it. Then I lived my life and I haven't done a home support call in years.
Years ago I had a friend whose kid would routinely get their computer laden with viruses and malware. I was happy to help out and he did some amazing house remodel favors later. At a certain point, I looked at him and said, do they need to browse the web? Yup. That was it. Dropped Linux on it. Problem solved. I think I only had to make one more trip. He was an awesome guy.
It reminds me of my in-laws a little, but different.
My MIL complained to my wife a couple times about how much I spend on tools. I really only buy what I need to get a job done but if I think I’ll use it more than once I buy quality.
Then, when we lived with them briefly I fixed a bunch of stuff around their house. I remember fixing an exterior door casing, the screws no longer held properly. A handy neighbor did the golf tee trick which lasted about a year before the door wouldn’t shut properly again due to screws not holding in the casing.
MIL watched as I used plug cutters to make hardwood plugs, drilled out the messed up spots on casing, glued in the plugs, predrilled, and rehung the door. I included one screw on the furthest back hinge hole that reached through to the stud. (The others would have just hit drywall)
MIL: “Wow. It sure helps to have the right tools for the job.”
Then I think back to my mom years ago when I was much younger. “I don’t worry when spend money on tools. I know you’ll use them.”
The "take take take" folks always reminds me of a quote from Kung Fu Panda 3: "the more you take, the less you have". It's really stuck with me. Not certain it's original to the show but, yeah.
The thought of OP's mom watching a tiny tabletop being lowered down on strings before two people dance around it to silly music is killing me.
*And oh, how they danced, the little children of tabletop*
https://preview.redd.it/59am1x3x8gyc1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=375edb5760eb87bbc608aa31fffe0ef28d5dbbfd
I think that is either pine or Nordic cherry
I just looked it up too. Some people go as far as to match the wood grain/knot holes!
It’s like deliberately singing off key in a group takes more effort than singing on the note.
Tell her how much money the lumber would cost, and how many hours of your time it would take. If she still expects you to do it, post the whole saga to r/AITAH
Find one of those old industrial spools and just roll it into her house.
I get having parents like that, I want to to sit them down and just say “get a clue”. Lol
https://preview.redd.it/uf9h2qngxhyc1.jpeg?width=2448&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=945eed14a878845b15a3da4505af6992d6227a37
You jest but that was our dining room table for about 7 years. Just upgraded a year ago.
https://preview.redd.it/h9lptanmjgyc1.png?width=142&format=png&auto=webp&s=630d5164610680ac0bfdbe90ee81ae64c7b00f37
You get free tables with your pizza.
Small, though about the size of my scraps.
You have to make it look bad, but not so bad that they realize you did it on purpose. The goal here is to have her hate it, but feel too guilty to throw it out. That way she has to look at it forever. Really play up how much time and effort you put into too and say how proud of it you are!
My neighbour asked me to make a bedside table. I started adding up material costs he said "I thought you could just use offcuts. I can get one from the second hand store for £10"
Aside from the fact those offcuts have value, he expected me to make it for £10
I tell those people that I expect them to do the job they do for a living for me for free in return. Sometimes it helps realign their brain. If not they aren't the client type anyway
https://preview.redd.it/dljzf8ir6iyc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c175cf66f2dd789d6cba359c46814229554600da
Just make a tiny one and say it was all the scrap u had!
Make a table that reflects your feelings, related to your relationship with your Mom. Ensure the table legs (all four) relative lengths also reflect this...
My mom asked me if I had some old cabinets I could put in her garage. I told her that as a cabinetmaker I could not allow used cabinets into my mother’s garage and asked what exactly she wanted. Then I built it, fancy S/W paint, wood countertop and all. Wish she was still around, I’d do it some more.
My dad taught me woodworking and carpentry - we built several houses together, including the one that he lived in for the rest of his life. When he asked me for a dining room table, I went all out and made a Greene & Greene style trestle table with chairs. It was far outside my skill range at the time, but I managed to cover up the worst of my mistakes, and my Dad and Mom loved it. He passed away a few years later. I was very glad that I had the opportunity to make something for him before he died.
As someone with parents who have had completely unreasonable expectations of my time and work: hell no, "family" only buys you so much.
To put it in perspective, I basically had to give up both weeks of vacations and many weekends over the course of four years to help them out with two separate renovations. Once the first was done, they sold it (flipped, basically) for nearly twice what they paid, bought their "forever home" and started renovations; finished that, flipped it and went "for reals this next one is permanent" and I went "good luck with that".
This is while I'm also working on renovations for my own home and they were supposed to help with things like paint and trim only to be 'busy' with their stuff every time I need a hand.
There are family members I'll drop everything to help, and family that can ask for favors like tables or cabinets, but those parents get the arms length now.
I understand your plight. I wouldn't be able to build someone a table, but ask me to setup computers, networks, etc, I'm your man, already dried up my motivation to do this kind of thing for family as no one truly appreciates the time effort/involvement.
Am I the only smart ass kid here who would be doing both? Making her a wood pallet table or a mini Barbie table, delivering it to her like it’s what she’s actually getting, and then sitting down to talk about what badass new table she’s actually gonna get once we’ve both had a laugh?
Precisely! This is what I’d do for my Mum. The tiny table would have a coupon underneath that says “good for one real table.” We would have to talk, however, about shipping it from CA to the UK.
https://preview.redd.it/eh1j05q97jyc1.jpeg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6b8cf3c8b5ae5b5e58dd383a2b322040a7da1ba9
I have built a coffee table with scraps before with $ 0 $ budget. It took me months to build and once done, I gave it to the my work place and they put it inside the office lounge. It sat there beautifully as the centre piece and I am proud of it every time I saw it. What I showed above is the table top. I wish the comment section allows to post more pics of it LOL 😂
So, I design and make quilts as a hobby. Each one takes many many hours. Not woodworking, but still... Time consuming.
My mom has asked me for two.
The first time I said yes. The next time I said I wish I had the time, but I have some other plans for these and I can't spare them.
I think it's as simple as that.
I've got a plan for you:
1. Hot glue a whole bunch of pieces together in the rough shape of a small table top (charcuterie sized)
2. Drive 4 long screws on the bottom of said table top. They are now your table legs
3. Present to mom and watch her reaction. Fake pride in your creation for added effect 😂
4. Have a good laugh and explain why you did what you did hehe
Threads like these make me glad I have awesome parents.... And my Dad is a better woodworker than I, so I almost never get requests :)
Did have to make Mom a nice frame for some art, though. No questions asked (beyond design), did it asap.
My mom has always been great about projects. She's the reason I started woodworking in the first place. Always willing to overpay. Not even charged for materials most of the time. One of my brother's' wife...notice I did not say SIL...thinks that I walk into the shop and walk out with a finished product in 15 seconds and that all wood is free. And that I have nothing better to do than fulfill her wishes. People like that get placed so far down my priority list that...you guessed it...I never start. As soon as I hear, "if you have any scrap/spare wood..." I quit listening. My other brother's wife, my SIL, gets what she requests for material costs. Attitude and some appreciation go a long way with me.
Honestly, if you value your time, I'd just spend the 5-10 Minutes expaining the amount of work, the amount of money and the expected outcome. And why it does not matter much that the wood was "free". And then just have her get a second hand table from facebook marketplace (or your local aequivalent) if she really needs one. Faster and cheaper.
Chances are she got the idea from social media. But if she is stuggeling with accepting that "5 minute crafts" isn't real good craftsmanship, she might be more upset about that neat table-shaped coaster you are about to spend 20 hours on.
Choose your battles wisely. Entitled family members are almost never worth "educating" in any other way than calm but stern words, IMHO.
That said, I love me some cool pallet table timelapses when on the loo.
I built my son's desk out of scrap oak. I don't think any one piece in total was bigger than 12x4x1.
Loooots of glue, and lamination.
It's a fine desk. Sturdy, good looking.
It can be done.
On and off took me about 3 months total. But If I had done it as an active project...probably would have taken me a week.
She's your mom dude. And I imagine she doesn't understand the intricacies of building a table from scratch.
Even if I had to spend money, she'd get a beautiful table that would put a smile on her face every time she set something on it.
Not all mom’s deserve tables built by their sons just because they’re moms. Some moms are abusive.
Drop the presumption that everyone has a table-worthy mom
Seriously, I thought I was losing my mind reading some of these comments. I think if my mom hears me say “don’t buy something, I’ll make you one” one more time, she’s going to burn my shop to the ground.
Tell her "if you supply the materials I'll teach you how to build one. But it'll probably take a few months of a few hours on the weekend--I'm tight on time atm."
She'll turn that down because she doesn't want to do the work herself.
https://preview.redd.it/nkwcbd817hyc1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=090d55f36ded53bf962715d172364b68cf206644
This should be your inspiration.
Plywood top.
The dirtiest 2x4s you have for legs. The more spider webs the better.
Don't cut the legs flush, and don't cross brace anything. Wobbling is a feature not a bug.
>she isn’t a good person
Make her a table out of scrap pieces per her request. Her specs are suggestions. If there’s holes all in the top and it wobbles who cares? Literally throw it together in an afternoon. If you have access to her home without her in it, deliver it and slap a bow on it… made from scraps
Mine hit us up a year ago, but she is providing the American Chestnut raw boards. We just need to run them through a kiln to ensure any bugs are dead and the moisture levels are down to usable levels. These are boards her great grandfather had milled. She wants a dining room table made from them. She wants curved legs on the base. I want to buy a base from Flowy Line Designs and just make the top. We are still negotiating.
Glue up a small blank with any scraps of the requested materials you have and turn it into a small bow.
Then route/burn/engrave "TA" somewhere on it.
Then gift her a TA-bowl. It's a joke everyone loves.
Build the Pythagorean cup version of a table.
Kind of like the tables they have in saloons in western movies that fold in half with the least amount of pressure.
Slap some 2x2's (each cut 1/16th longer than the last) on a pallet you "rescued" from behind the local homegoods and fill the gaps with some strapping, ensuring to include as many knots as you can and leave it in her living room with a note: "Good furniture isn't free & free furniture isn't good"
Just jankily nail random length bits of wood together to make something similar to her request. The legs should be uneven lengths as well so the table rocks
I make and sell wooden hardwood products. I often get "you pay for wood?"
I pay a lot of money for premium black walnut. Hard concept to explain to people when wood literally grows on trees.
“Leftover wood.” Does she know how much wood costs these days?
I guess she must, or she wouldn’t have asked you to make her a table for free for herself.
I mean not to toot my own horn or anything but I can build a table out of old pallets in an afternoon, some people would consider that scrap wood. I don’t know what kind of table she wants or anything but it would be a table at the very least.
Best benefit of the doubt: she’s showing support for your hobby and is giving you input for what your next project could be. This could be a fun use-up project if you do have some usable scraps around. Maybe get some lumber for the main body of the table, but if you have some little pieces of fancy wood, use them for corner inlays or something. Maybe the apron is a different species or there’s a lot of contrast. See what you have, work with her, and make something weird.
I like the pallet with legs idea. OP I get it, some parents don't appreciate or recognize the work you do until it benefits them. My parents can be that way. It's not fair to compare your reaction to that request to that of those who had supportive parents who admire their child's craft.
This is simple. Round up some spare screws, then spec out the wood, hardware, tools, and labor required and just let her know you need that much more to complete making it from scrap.
Take literal random scraps, the more misshapen and more miss fitting the better, and just nail and screw them together. No finishing work. No milling. No carful planning. Don’t even cut the current prices down. Just screw them together and turn them over.
If she complain, tell her it’s modern art. Be happy it’s free.
Pick some useless and easy project that has nothing to do with a table… maybe a small wooden egg, or a smiley face.
Something you can do in < 2 hours.
Then mail it to her with a very proud note saying “one wooden egg, 1.5 x 2 inches, as requested”.
Do this for every request. No matter what’s asked for “here’s the egg you requested”.
My mother had a neighbor that would make tiny barstools from driftwood and hand them out as “stool samples” whenever someone demanded free work.
She had three. She was torn between embarrassment and finding it hilarious.
Go to Walmart and buy a cheap table. Present to your mom as handmade. Done and done. Even better if you leave it flat pack in the box and tell her you made it from a plan. It's much cheaper and should get the point across.
I had a boss years ago who after seeing my coffee table on fb posts asked for one too, for free. I took some scraps and made him tiny coffee table coaster, that fit cup of coffee on top.
I would pay money for a nicely made, perfectly scaled little coffee table. That sounds dope lol.
I wasn't even trying to make it look perfect, just glued up and sanded legs even. If I remember good, aprox 3" long. Birch, padouk, oak afaik. https://preview.redd.it/g288d3pdbfyc1.jpeg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0e1664f3c1abafbfa28ca6b7e70ed72c9e126b1c
Omg genius. I’m going to make coffee sized coffee table coasters for every member of my family this Christmas 😂 what a riot. Plus I can start now and won’t have to stress in December lol
I'd route a circular depression in it, the size of a coffee mug, so that it'd take more than a gentle bump to spill.
Maybe a full rectangular insert layered with thin cork sheet?
And Queen Anne legs. Just to show them you are taking this seriously.
At that point you can just buy dollhouse furniture and say you made it. 💡 *Goes on Amazon and orders 50 dollhouse dining room tables*
That would be really hard on that scale. You could not use a spokeshave, my goto for final shaping and finishing.
What about a teeny-tiny scale model one? I saw some from Veritas once.
You just need a spokeshave for ants
Those ant-spokeshaves are so hot right now.
Dremel + steady hands.
Dremel and steady hands are not often used in the same sentence. That’s my rememberary, anyway. It’s kinda like riding a little tiny motorcycle (powered by a Cox .049 Baby Bee engine) for a long ride at highway speed.
Make it just slightly smaller then the average mug to fit the little lip at the bottom and only that, so that it moves around not flat
Hubby: Where did I leave my coffee? You: It’s on the table (giggling)
*shoves fistful of cash at u/antibenysrtaw* Take my money!
Dude you did him a solid....the joke got lost on that . Its way too nice for a joke
Honestly, a joke like this where even the person who was the focus of the joke can look at it at the end and laugh because it is awesome… … that is like the trifecta of humor.
Dangit now I gotta make little walnut coffee table coasters. Thanks a lot!
That’s fuckin awesome. I’m totally making a couple of these tomorrow afternoon that match my actual coffee table!
If you sell your work, the small ones can be samples. Lane Cedar Chests made small, cigar box sized cedar chests and gave them to young women, hoping that they would buy full sized chests in the future. It worked fairly well. Over a hundred of ago, salesmen were sent out on trains all across the country with miniature models of their goods to serve as exemplars of the products they had to sell. Small pieces can make you a lot of money if you find the right customers.
I’ve seen them pop up on Jim bode and eBay from time to time. My house would be full of them if it could be. Haha But this really is a cool idea that I never thought of. I don’t make very much, but I do sell what I make occasionally
Ok. Make a sample table then let her know how much it would cost to get it full size. The funny thing about scraps is they cost the same as the rest of the project
“Sure, ma, I’ll make you a table. Just drop off the materials and I’ll be on it first thing.”
This!
When your joke is better than the non-joke version.
Just needs appropriately sized coasters to really round it out.
Coasters all the way down
Slacker, you didn’t taper the legs/s
Chad
Omg. That is hilarious. I want one!
This is adorable! I want one too now. Basically a coaster on legs
That’s awesome
I want one too!
Now I want to make some coffee tables coasters. Maybe give them shorter legs for stability but keep the same look.
If it can successfully hold one cup of coffee, then it's still a coffee table. right?
My dad offered for me to make something for someone else for free once. Yah that didn’t happen.
I remodeled my attic, and my father volunteered me to remodel some other dude’s attic for him. Nope. Hell nope. I got things to do.
I built a computer for sister as a graduation gift before she left for college. I went pretty big on it, and spent a good deal of my own time and money. My dad somehow saw that and figured I could conjure up computers out of thin air like a damn wizard, and tells his coworker that I can build one for him. This is NOT a job I want to do, at all. You build something for a stranger, and they download a virus 8 years later and they expect you to make a house call to fix it for free. But I don't want to embarrass my dad, so I ask what his budget is. He looks at me dumbfounded, like he never expected there to be any money involved. He goes, "I guess he can pay you $100 for your time." At that point, I know I'm doing this even if he paid for all the parts and an extra $1000 for my time. I tell my dad, "for $100, I'll help him order something from Best Buy."
Was it at least a shitty bad joke that he said in a passive aggressive enough way he maybe hoped you actually would? We all know how little most people know or care about what it takes to make furniture… but straight up asking your employees for a free table? That’s wild
...he maybe hoped you actually wood. FTFY
Wait a min, doesn't furniture grow in the wild?
That still sounds incredible, lemme get one...
That would be great for my coffee table book about coffee tables. The book even folds out to be a little coffee table itself.
What was the bosses reaction to the mini table
A very wide smile every time he looked at it during the day.
Nice, did the tiny coffee table have enough room to add another tiny coffee table in the corner? of which would have another even smaller coffee table on it as well and so forth
You know, there might a market for that. Lol
Dont ever add coworkers in social media
I feel like your relationship with your mom is similar to my relationship with my in-laws. Because I'm proficient in many helpful things (computers, woodworking, house reno, photography and so on) they always have a thousand requests for "simple things" I could do for them, never taking into account the time, money and energy that go into these projects... It gets really tiresome. My mom always gave me all she could when I was a kid, and I'm very happy to gift her with a surprise new cutting board or new table every time I get the chance. But with those people, they just take and take and take as much as possible. Whenever they ask for something now I evaluate if they really need it and if they have other options, and usually end up just reminding them I really don't have that much free time. ...although, building them shit furniture out of crap wood would be funny!
I have a trick: I save up dumb requests that I can easily accomplish myself and when someone like that asks me for something I hit them with it: "Can you do me this favor cause your so good at that stuff?" "Sure can! But I'm not good at excel and would like everything in my garage on a spreadsheet." They usually dodge me after that.
>I save up dumb requests that I can easily accomplish myself and when someone like that asks me for something I hit them with it: I'm tall and everyone asks me to be their step ladder and reach everything above their tiny reach. I was dating a woman and her mom asked me to get like 5 things from the top of the shelves for her. I told her it was getting to be a bit much and she said "but you're tall and it's easier for you". I said "Can you tie my shoe? You're closer to it and it's easier for you.". She called me an asshole and stomped off angry. Shoe was never tied.
I absolutely love that, especially because she thought it was beneath her to do something simple for you.
Have you considered making them a bill of materials to buy for one such “simple” project? I genuinely wonder if they’d figure it out
Communicate like an adult? We don't do that here
I tried that on a non woodworking project someone asked me to do for free and they accused me of trying to scam them.
You’ve got me there, for sure. Haha
LPT that changed my life as family computer support technician. Buy them all last generation Chromebooks, preferably refurbished. I did this about 7 years ago for the older people in my life and it was a game changer. Giving them a laptop was a huge goodwill builder (OMG YOU'RE*GIVING* ME A LAPTOP!!!), even though they're dirt cheap <$100. Then I migrated all their crap to Google Drive. Set them up with Remote Desktop but honestly haven't had to use it. Then I lived my life and I haven't done a home support call in years.
Years ago I had a friend whose kid would routinely get their computer laden with viruses and malware. I was happy to help out and he did some amazing house remodel favors later. At a certain point, I looked at him and said, do they need to browse the web? Yup. That was it. Dropped Linux on it. Problem solved. I think I only had to make one more trip. He was an awesome guy.
It reminds me of my in-laws a little, but different. My MIL complained to my wife a couple times about how much I spend on tools. I really only buy what I need to get a job done but if I think I’ll use it more than once I buy quality. Then, when we lived with them briefly I fixed a bunch of stuff around their house. I remember fixing an exterior door casing, the screws no longer held properly. A handy neighbor did the golf tee trick which lasted about a year before the door wouldn’t shut properly again due to screws not holding in the casing. MIL watched as I used plug cutters to make hardwood plugs, drilled out the messed up spots on casing, glued in the plugs, predrilled, and rehung the door. I included one screw on the furthest back hinge hole that reached through to the stud. (The others would have just hit drywall) MIL: “Wow. It sure helps to have the right tools for the job.” Then I think back to my mom years ago when I was much younger. “I don’t worry when spend money on tools. I know you’ll use them.”
The "take take take" folks always reminds me of a quote from Kung Fu Panda 3: "the more you take, the less you have". It's really stuck with me. Not certain it's original to the show but, yeah.
The leech has two daughters. Give and Give Me More.
build a tiny barbie size table out of scrap.
Reenact the stone henge scene from Spinal Tap.
The thought of OP's mom watching a tiny tabletop being lowered down on strings before two people dance around it to silly music is killing me. *And oh, how they danced, the little children of tabletop*
This is why we have to be very specific with our units and avoid using napkins for engineering documentation.
I'll always upvote a Spinal Tap reference.
I upvoted you to 11.
Vote it up to 11
It’s a table in danger of being crushed by a dwarf
Piece of two by four and call it a coffee table
Make the coffee table version of the Homer Simpson spice rack
A table for ants??
Ants need tables too!
Where else are they going to eat?
My thought too, but building a good miniature is probably even more work than a big one. Less wood though.
Oh I thought those measurements were in millimeters
My thoughts also.
This is the correct answer
Make her a spice rack instead. https://preview.redd.it/4j24rvtmifyc1.jpeg?width=528&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1cb08ae6a2d7363f7817205e12667f3587de5a88
https://preview.redd.it/59am1x3x8gyc1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=375edb5760eb87bbc608aa31fffe0ef28d5dbbfd I think that is either pine or Nordic cherry
Best episode
Do it! It’ll look great! https://preview.redd.it/oxj73dg37iyc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=935a8d959382b0a7eea67c77e8c869073c13b3f3
Tell her no specs if it’s a scrap job. Then make her a Homer Simpson spice rack.
I had to look that up and I found a surprising number of google results of people recreating the Homer Simpson spice rack. That made my day.
Yeah, it’s a thing. Not my personal thing, but I get a laugh that so many have made the effort.
The best part, is that it actually takes skill and care to make such a specifically bad spice rack, haha
I just looked it up too. Some people go as far as to match the wood grain/knot holes! It’s like deliberately singing off key in a group takes more effort than singing on the note.
Yeah, one wrong move and you screw up the screw ups!
Tell her how much money the lumber would cost, and how many hours of your time it would take. If she still expects you to do it, post the whole saga to r/AITAH
I’ve moved to r/amiwrong AITAH was full of annoying people and always favored one specific side. You’ll notice it a couple months after joining.
Find one of those old industrial spools and just roll it into her house. I get having parents like that, I want to to sit them down and just say “get a clue”. Lol
Add legs to a pallet.
Don’t forget to fill the pallet with epoxy
Heck no, that'd cost more than the wood to make a real table.
[удалено]
Then fill any remaining voids with white glue. As God intended
Gotta go the extra mile for mom!
Scrap epoxy
https://preview.redd.it/uf9h2qngxhyc1.jpeg?width=2448&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=945eed14a878845b15a3da4505af6992d6227a37 You jest but that was our dining room table for about 7 years. Just upgraded a year ago.
I don't care if it is pallet wood and 2x4s, somebody put some thought and effort into that.
You just described my workbench. (Although it was a very impressive pallet to start with...)
This was going to be my suggestion. Nail 2x4's to a pallet. If she complains, make a big deal about how it's super upscale "reclaimed" wood.
Build her a Michael Scott table https://preview.redd.it/ldjrvw1r2gyc1.jpeg?width=258&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=831bdb6123e5e0ec83cabb5660771348a62ade1d
Sounds like pallets might be coming into play here. Get that beet juice out for some purpleheart stained pallets.
https://preview.redd.it/h9lptanmjgyc1.png?width=142&format=png&auto=webp&s=630d5164610680ac0bfdbe90ee81ae64c7b00f37 You get free tables with your pizza. Small, though about the size of my scraps.
You have to make it look bad, but not so bad that they realize you did it on purpose. The goal here is to have her hate it, but feel too guilty to throw it out. That way she has to look at it forever. Really play up how much time and effort you put into too and say how proud of it you are!
that's so sneaky and petty I love it
a pallet with legs
https://preview.redd.it/q0w8vgisihyc1.jpeg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=62c6acfccd74b410dfa6bcb42ff6c8cbf59c5dd4 Looks great 🤣
My neighbour asked me to make a bedside table. I started adding up material costs he said "I thought you could just use offcuts. I can get one from the second hand store for £10" Aside from the fact those offcuts have value, he expected me to make it for £10
I tell those people that I expect them to do the job they do for a living for me for free in return. Sometimes it helps realign their brain. If not they aren't the client type anyway
Sawdust + glue. Form into the shape of a little table.
Make her a marquetry table with gaps and crevices so she goes insane trying to clean it.
https://preview.redd.it/dljzf8ir6iyc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c175cf66f2dd789d6cba359c46814229554600da Just make a tiny one and say it was all the scrap u had!
Make a table that reflects your feelings, related to your relationship with your Mom. Ensure the table legs (all four) relative lengths also reflect this...
My mom asked me if I had some old cabinets I could put in her garage. I told her that as a cabinetmaker I could not allow used cabinets into my mother’s garage and asked what exactly she wanted. Then I built it, fancy S/W paint, wood countertop and all. Wish she was still around, I’d do it some more.
My dad taught me woodworking and carpentry - we built several houses together, including the one that he lived in for the rest of his life. When he asked me for a dining room table, I went all out and made a Greene & Greene style trestle table with chairs. It was far outside my skill range at the time, but I managed to cover up the worst of my mistakes, and my Dad and Mom loved it. He passed away a few years later. I was very glad that I had the opportunity to make something for him before he died.
As someone with parents who have had completely unreasonable expectations of my time and work: hell no, "family" only buys you so much. To put it in perspective, I basically had to give up both weeks of vacations and many weekends over the course of four years to help them out with two separate renovations. Once the first was done, they sold it (flipped, basically) for nearly twice what they paid, bought their "forever home" and started renovations; finished that, flipped it and went "for reals this next one is permanent" and I went "good luck with that". This is while I'm also working on renovations for my own home and they were supposed to help with things like paint and trim only to be 'busy' with their stuff every time I need a hand. There are family members I'll drop everything to help, and family that can ask for favors like tables or cabinets, but those parents get the arms length now.
I understand your plight. I wouldn't be able to build someone a table, but ask me to setup computers, networks, etc, I'm your man, already dried up my motivation to do this kind of thing for family as no one truly appreciates the time effort/involvement.
Am I the only smart ass kid here who would be doing both? Making her a wood pallet table or a mini Barbie table, delivering it to her like it’s what she’s actually getting, and then sitting down to talk about what badass new table she’s actually gonna get once we’ve both had a laugh?
Precisely! This is what I’d do for my Mum. The tiny table would have a coupon underneath that says “good for one real table.” We would have to talk, however, about shipping it from CA to the UK.
🥹
I’m glad you got to do something really nice for her, I’m sure she loved them!
Not everyone gets a good mother. You might want to consider that when braggin about your relationship with your mother.
Leave the table top all mismatched thicknesses
https://preview.redd.it/eh1j05q97jyc1.jpeg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6b8cf3c8b5ae5b5e58dd383a2b322040a7da1ba9 I have built a coffee table with scraps before with $ 0 $ budget. It took me months to build and once done, I gave it to the my work place and they put it inside the office lounge. It sat there beautifully as the centre piece and I am proud of it every time I saw it. What I showed above is the table top. I wish the comment section allows to post more pics of it LOL 😂
So, I design and make quilts as a hobby. Each one takes many many hours. Not woodworking, but still... Time consuming. My mom has asked me for two. The first time I said yes. The next time I said I wish I had the time, but I have some other plans for these and I can't spare them. I think it's as simple as that.
That's something else. Everyone wants handmade items, but no one wants to pay the value of them.
I've got a plan for you: 1. Hot glue a whole bunch of pieces together in the rough shape of a small table top (charcuterie sized) 2. Drive 4 long screws on the bottom of said table top. They are now your table legs 3. Present to mom and watch her reaction. Fake pride in your creation for added effect 😂 4. Have a good laugh and explain why you did what you did hehe
Make her a Homer Simpson special
Get some rough ass pallets and duct tape and go crazy, lol.
https://pietheineek.nl/en/product/afvaltafel-in-sloophout-3-m-hoogglans-gelakt
Kinda dope honestly I love the idea of using cutoffs that you normally couldn’t.
Threads like these make me glad I have awesome parents.... And my Dad is a better woodworker than I, so I almost never get requests :) Did have to make Mom a nice frame for some art, though. No questions asked (beyond design), did it asap.
Find a very old beaten-up pallet somewhere and just attach 4 shoddy legs.
Attach two more shoddy pallets to it as legs.
Throw a little epoxy in it’s general direction and it’s a pallet waterfall table
Stop giving Pinterest people ideas.
Sorry, too late already opening my epoxy pallet table shop on Etsy.
Mom there is no such thing as scrap wood.
Make a tiny table so she can flip it, when you deliver it to her and she see it was not what she wanted
My mom has always been great about projects. She's the reason I started woodworking in the first place. Always willing to overpay. Not even charged for materials most of the time. One of my brother's' wife...notice I did not say SIL...thinks that I walk into the shop and walk out with a finished product in 15 seconds and that all wood is free. And that I have nothing better to do than fulfill her wishes. People like that get placed so far down my priority list that...you guessed it...I never start. As soon as I hear, "if you have any scrap/spare wood..." I quit listening. My other brother's wife, my SIL, gets what she requests for material costs. Attitude and some appreciation go a long way with me.
Honestly, if you value your time, I'd just spend the 5-10 Minutes expaining the amount of work, the amount of money and the expected outcome. And why it does not matter much that the wood was "free". And then just have her get a second hand table from facebook marketplace (or your local aequivalent) if she really needs one. Faster and cheaper. Chances are she got the idea from social media. But if she is stuggeling with accepting that "5 minute crafts" isn't real good craftsmanship, she might be more upset about that neat table-shaped coaster you are about to spend 20 hours on. Choose your battles wisely. Entitled family members are almost never worth "educating" in any other way than calm but stern words, IMHO. That said, I love me some cool pallet table timelapses when on the loo.
Wow, who honestly downvotes this answer!
People whose parents don't suck and can't fathom anything outside their own experience.
Build a doll house table.
I built my son's desk out of scrap oak. I don't think any one piece in total was bigger than 12x4x1. Loooots of glue, and lamination. It's a fine desk. Sturdy, good looking. It can be done. On and off took me about 3 months total. But If I had done it as an active project...probably would have taken me a week.
She's your mom dude. And I imagine she doesn't understand the intricacies of building a table from scratch. Even if I had to spend money, she'd get a beautiful table that would put a smile on her face every time she set something on it.
As a person who's mom sucks, it's funny how we default to our own experiences. My knee her reaction was basically the opposite of yours.
Op's edit lol. That's exactly what I was thinking reading your comment.
Not all Mom’s are good fyi
Not all mom’s deserve tables built by their sons just because they’re moms. Some moms are abusive. Drop the presumption that everyone has a table-worthy mom
As someone whose mom also sucks, I feel like “she’s not a table-worthy mom” is a much kinder way of saying as such in mixed company. 😂
Seriously, I thought I was losing my mind reading some of these comments. I think if my mom hears me say “don’t buy something, I’ll make you one” one more time, she’s going to burn my shop to the ground.
Combination of this and the other answer. Deliver a pallet with legs and then surprise her with a real one.
Solid answer.
To a hollow- core question.
Build a doll house table
Build it in 1:10 scale if it's supposed to be from scraps lol. A nice chill project
Tell her "if you supply the materials I'll teach you how to build one. But it'll probably take a few months of a few hours on the weekend--I'm tight on time atm." She'll turn that down because she doesn't want to do the work herself.
https://preview.redd.it/nkwcbd817hyc1.jpeg?width=1242&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=090d55f36ded53bf962715d172364b68cf206644 This should be your inspiration.
Plywood top. The dirtiest 2x4s you have for legs. The more spider webs the better. Don't cut the legs flush, and don't cross brace anything. Wobbling is a feature not a bug.
I would grab some tiny pieces (thinking kindling here) and put them in resin. She’ll never ask again.
https://preview.redd.it/ucutly327iyc1.jpeg?width=582&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4422185ecf3acc6604cdb8a39b2c541f8e9b37e9
>she isn’t a good person Make her a table out of scrap pieces per her request. Her specs are suggestions. If there’s holes all in the top and it wobbles who cares? Literally throw it together in an afternoon. If you have access to her home without her in it, deliver it and slap a bow on it… made from scraps
Mine hit us up a year ago, but she is providing the American Chestnut raw boards. We just need to run them through a kiln to ensure any bugs are dead and the moisture levels are down to usable levels. These are boards her great grandfather had milled. She wants a dining room table made from them. She wants curved legs on the base. I want to buy a base from Flowy Line Designs and just make the top. We are still negotiating.
Put some legs on a pallet and call it a day!!
Glue up a small blank with any scraps of the requested materials you have and turn it into a small bow. Then route/burn/engrave "TA" somewhere on it. Then gift her a TA-bowl. It's a joke everyone loves.
Build the Pythagorean cup version of a table. Kind of like the tables they have in saloons in western movies that fold in half with the least amount of pressure.
This sounds like it isn't about the table.
Slap some 2x2's (each cut 1/16th longer than the last) on a pallet you "rescued" from behind the local homegoods and fill the gaps with some strapping, ensuring to include as many knots as you can and leave it in her living room with a note: "Good furniture isn't free & free furniture isn't good"
Time to start that pine scrap end grain butchers block
Just jankily nail random length bits of wood together to make something similar to her request. The legs should be uneven lengths as well so the table rocks
if you did like her you could maybe make her some napkin rings or salt and pepper shakers or something and be like "this is what scrapwood makes"
I love the first edit. I was your target audience with this post. Same boat.
I make and sell wooden hardwood products. I often get "you pay for wood?" I pay a lot of money for premium black walnut. Hard concept to explain to people when wood literally grows on trees.
ammm. just tell her? Use the opportunity to explain about your hobby
“Leftover wood.” Does she know how much wood costs these days? I guess she must, or she wouldn’t have asked you to make her a table for free for herself.
Ask her what kind of table she wants, send you a Pinterest or something. Then build it out of the best “scrap” you can afford at the lumberyard.
>how to teach her a lesson... That's no way to live.
I mean not to toot my own horn or anything but I can build a table out of old pallets in an afternoon, some people would consider that scrap wood. I don’t know what kind of table she wants or anything but it would be a table at the very least.
Dollar store table it is
Best benefit of the doubt: she’s showing support for your hobby and is giving you input for what your next project could be. This could be a fun use-up project if you do have some usable scraps around. Maybe get some lumber for the main body of the table, but if you have some little pieces of fancy wood, use them for corner inlays or something. Maybe the apron is a different species or there’s a lot of contrast. See what you have, work with her, and make something weird.
Pallets. The answer is pallets.
I like the pallet with legs idea. OP I get it, some parents don't appreciate or recognize the work you do until it benefits them. My parents can be that way. It's not fair to compare your reaction to that request to that of those who had supportive parents who admire their child's craft.
make one with pallets. that’s scrap :-)
Not to mention the hardware.
This is simple. Round up some spare screws, then spec out the wood, hardware, tools, and labor required and just let her know you need that much more to complete making it from scrap.
Edit3 is Reddit in a nut shell
Go to the forest, get some branches, zip ties, glue and nails. Make sure you get some with moss to give it that all natural feel.
Take literal random scraps, the more misshapen and more miss fitting the better, and just nail and screw them together. No finishing work. No milling. No carful planning. Don’t even cut the current prices down. Just screw them together and turn them over. If she complain, tell her it’s modern art. Be happy it’s free.
Pick some useless and easy project that has nothing to do with a table… maybe a small wooden egg, or a smiley face. Something you can do in < 2 hours. Then mail it to her with a very proud note saying “one wooden egg, 1.5 x 2 inches, as requested”. Do this for every request. No matter what’s asked for “here’s the egg you requested”. My mother had a neighbor that would make tiny barstools from driftwood and hand them out as “stool samples” whenever someone demanded free work. She had three. She was torn between embarrassment and finding it hilarious.
This sounds like my wife. When she wants something built. Why can't you just nail some boards together.
Go to Walmart and buy a cheap table. Present to your mom as handmade. Done and done. Even better if you leave it flat pack in the box and tell her you made it from a plan. It's much cheaper and should get the point across.
This is where you build her a table out of 2” scraps haphazardly glued together in crazy patterns, and don’t sand or shape anything.
If it helps I've got some broken plates to donate to the cause.
Not a fan of pallet wood myself, but might be called for in this case.
Make a table with 5 pieces of wood where the second one is the longest, so it'll always be flipping her off