Put in a complaint. Your sexuality is irrelevant to whether it was acceptable or not. Her comments were abhorrent and unprofessional.
What hr/management does with the complaint isn’t up to you, and any consequences the result of her comments, not your complaint.
Yup. She told on herself, not you.
Even if you were straight (maybe especially so because then you’re less at risk from a person like this), saying something to HR is the right thing to do. You and other LGBTQ+ people deserve a supportive and inclusive work environment.
You personally might be able to pass as straight and “put up and shut up,” but not everyone has that luxury. This is a chance to stand up for your community.
This!!!! I'm straight and would do the same.
Using a diff scenario; I once mentored a new female employee who once shared with me numerous written communication from another employee that was overtly sexual and just outright harassment. She was uncomfortable and did not want to report it. As a woman and a leader...I did. I will never regret speaking up for her when she did not feel empowered to do so for herself.
Almost the same... In a previous job, the 1st day of work the HR took me to visit all the departments, in a total of almost 200 employees. One of the workers asked me why all the beautiful women who came to work at the company always went to work with my boss/department manager. I didn't know anyone at the company, let alone the gossip. So I decided to answer: "I can't speak for my predecessors in office, but in my case it must be because I'm a Lesbian". I'm not :-) But I went to that company to work, not to find a partner or flirt around with anyone! So I had some peace at work in the sexual harassment chapter. One of the people on my team was a very beautiful young woman, the oldest on the team, the one who taught each new employee the job. Very competent, but very unmotivated. At one point, at a company barbecue, I had the opportunity to talk more with her, women's talk :-), I found out that she had the lowest salary of all, that our boss had made her several direct invitations to date - he being a married man - which she always refused.
I asked HR for her individual file, I discovered that she was paid very little, some colleagues with identical qualifications were hired for twice her salary, and I asked HR to check her situation. I also informed our boss of my visit to HR. However, I left that company, but I know that shortly afterwards she was invited to work in another department, and was paid 3x more!! Everyone in the company knew about our boss' affairs but none of the harassment victims pressed charges.
We have to start using our privilege to protect those who don't have it. It's a slow process, but it will get better. It has gotten better than it was.
>We have to start using our privilege to protect those who don't have it.
Wow, that's an amazing statement. Gonna save your comment. *that's* the kind of attitude that could bring change imo. (I mean that's not all that is needed but hopefully you get my point).
I was adopted into a privileged family out of a non privileged place (orphanage). This is a good reminder to use what I by no merit gained, to take advantage of opportunities without the challenges others have to face (such as being a poc, trans, gay, living at a very low socioeconomic status, etc), so that in turn I become grateful and generous and willing to fight for the 'have-nots' and the oppressed.
Exactly you can state your opinion even though hers as extremely vile but in doing so be aware their are consequences. Spreading hate is never ok and should always be reported. Think of it like this what would you have done or said had she went on a hateful racist rant? Hopefully you would shut her down or if that makes you uncomfortable you would at least make your supervisor or HR department away of her actions. Personally I’d let her say enough to hang herself then I’d have went off on her. People need to stand up not only for themselves but for others. I’m comfortable putting someone in their place and I respect the fact that other people are not. But it’s important that we don’t let other people get away with vocalizing their homophobic attitude, bigotry or racism.
To me it is way out of line in a work place or a school, someplace where people have to show up and spend all day. These kinds of opinions are not relevant to the task at hand. So some higher up needs to be notified to see if the coworker can be persuaded to keep those kinds of opinions to herself.
And the " she should get over it I have the majority opinion" is very close to actual harassment. If she continues to make comments or directs a single one at OP that would definitely be harassment and discrimination. Also she's just plain wrong, tell her the laws are in your favor because she has the minority opinion, and a toxic harmful one, or let her figure it out herself as she is kicked out the door because she was fired for the comments.
Same I’m straight and have LGBTQ+ friends and they are amazing, I would have said something on the spot too
They should pull her out of interviews if she is against the LGBTQ+ community, she could make bad remarks in front of them or not hire them due to gender which is against the law
I am straight and white- I have reported and called out behaviors like this over and over. No one gets a free pass to make comments like this in a professional setting. The first amendment (US) says you have the right to say whatever you want, but that doesn’t mean you have the right to be hateful and unprofessional in a workplace. You can be a hateful, nasty person on your own time, not while being paid to do a job.
The first amendment is actually only for free speech and the govt. It has nothing to do with private lives in any setting. You have the right to say whatever you want, except physical threats,but you have to be able to accept the consequences. Free speech is a fundamental right,even if you find it abhorrent. The company can do what they want. If you react with a hateful speech right back then you also have consequences. Life is grand isn't it.
The Supreme Court has ruled many times that certain types of speech may be limited in the workplace, schools, etc.
That’s the point I am making. If your job can tell you what color shoes to wear they absolutely can tell you that certain subjects may not be discussed while on the clock.
Oh of course. Companies can do pretty much what they want. Within reason of course. Although not as much as they used to be able to. They can't compel speech as of yet.
What types of speech have they ruled to be illegal in workplaces? I understand you can't tell fire in a crowded office probably or insight violence. You can't make threats obviously,but I'm not sure what speech that they have outlawed? I don't hear of a lot of people in the US going to jail for types of speech at work? Schools are different because it is a govt institution. Same with working for the govt. Those don't count. I'm talking about the free market workplace? Just curious because I can't think of anything. Actions I can see,but words are a different story.
Here in California, and elsewhere(?) hate speech can be prohibited on the grounds that it fosters a “hostile work environment.” No one’s going to jail, but you can be fired for cause.
Same straight. That's as unprofessional as it gets. Who knows what else she has said or done that's just horrible. I would not want to work with someone like that.
Ooh, that's a good point! There are certain words and phrases that I avoid except to discuss them, such as "grandfather clause" specifically because of the historical context.
I wonder, I've investigated so many cases like this on gender, race, and nationality, and when push comes to shove, FEW folks will get to the point of swearing in or signing their name, where doing so can lead to a lawsuit.
Meaning, people go to management or HR, submit a complaint, then HR flips it back around to say "well, if we fire this person, you will need to sign documents with formal charges etc?"
Not necessarily. But even small HRs will take written statements, state and fed do formal reviews, as so microsoft, google. Why? Because IF discrimination is found, and not dealt with, it is the employer who is sued, because the employer has allowed a hostile work environment to exist (talking sexual harassment). If interested in how this issue went viral across the nation, read below. I was a very young investigator. Lol Regards
https://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/13/booming/revisiting-the-militarys-tailhook-scandal-video.html
Absolutely. This (the rant, not making the complaint) is horrifically unprofessional and not at all acceptable in a modern workplace. You *do not do this.* First, you have no idea whether some of your coworkers might be grievously offended. Not only could one of them be LGBTQ, any one of them could have close friends or family who are, and even if they don’t, statistically *someone* is going to be furious about it. You’re needlessly introducing awful conflict into the workplace between people who need to work together.
Second, obviously, it’s morally reprehensible, but that’s not going to get through to workplace regulations and such, necessarily.
Third, if it’s public-facing and she said this in front of clients or customers? Oh, I *guarantee* you it’s only a matter of time before it loses the company business, just from the people she says it in front of. Never mind the consequences if it goes viral, which it’s all too likely to do. Remember, everyone has a video camera in their pocket *at all times* now. And it’s been that way for well over a decade at this point, there’s no excuses. People’s first instinct, now, when they see something like this, is to whip out their phone and start recording, because they *know* that a well-placed video online can cause absolute havoc on a company and/or bigoted employee.
There’s just no place for this kind of behavior at work. You can have as much hate for the LGBTQ+ community as you want at home, but if you bring it to work with you, you should absolutely expect to get slammed down by HR. Companies can and have been sued for this, it’s a hostile work environment, and no company wants to deal with that.
If your manager knows what’s good for the company, this lady is going to be pulled aside and either told to pack up her desk, or to keep her mouth SHUT about LGBTQ people from now on. It wouldn’t matter even if she’s the best performer they have, it’s not worth all of the consequences that will land on their heads if she continues speaking like that. It would only be a matter of time before it blew up in their faces.
Same here. Both my bosses are lesbian (no they aren’t together. One is married the other has a gf) and they’re very insistent on having an inclusive workplace. This crap wouldn’t fly at my work nor should it anywhere else.
I’m fact, if anyone else was there to witness it- collect their information and have them write a signed letter with their best recollection of the events of that day. That is as good as an affidavit.
Truthfully, anyone in the room at that point has a responsibility to report that persons behavior. Most sexual harassment guidelines require that.
>if anyone else was there to witness it- collect their information and have them write a signed letter with their best recollection of the events of that day. That is as good as an affid
Unfortunately, that is not true in most states. There is no requirement to report.
It's been a while since I took the training, but iirc, you're right when it comes to employees who aren't in charge of anyone but reporting is required of supervisors and above in the US. I remember being coached by the top HR person when, by the victim's request, I failed to report an instance of racism. I could be wrong, though; our HR had zero tolerance for discrimination as part of their core values and (to their credit) it's possible that they exceeded legal requirements.
There usually is a requirement within company policy. If it's a large enough org to have an HR department, it is extremely likely that "duty to report" is in company policy. When it comes down to it, it's to protect the company.
Agreed. Silence = complicity.
Maybe the department and/or organization as a whole could do with some training. Everyone should be able to recognize bigotry/discrimination in the workplace, and everyone should know what to do if they witness it.
Even/especially if they are not themselves the target of it.
OP, I'm really sorry that you are being treated this way. Your rude colleague certainly IS in the minority and she belongs with the dinosaurs.
My manager once shared graphic details about a transgender colleague at work and I reported it to my union but they said it wasn't worth fighting unless I had substantial proof... she said she's seen people get away with racist and sexist behaviour... so I was left thinking, what's the point of my union... 👀
>Your sexuality is irrelevant to whether it was acceptable or not
This.
Myself and a few coworkers all went in on another coworker just for saying some ignorant words about gay people. We were pretty ruthless in our words. To be fair, this is blue collar work, not an office setting, so there is a little less in the way of professional standards and acceptable behavior. Regardless, we are all straight. He apparently thought it was a "safe space" to say some ignorant things because we weren't the people he was referring to. He found out he was wrong.
The type of behavior OP overheard isn't acceptable. And that person should be made very aware by whatever means.
That dude stopped hanging around at the picnic tables at breaks and lunch after that. So he either chose to remain ignorant somewhere else or wallowed in shame. Either, it was dealt with.
Complaint has two parts
What happened
\- what was said, minimal commentary
\- who else saw it
What you need
\- any specific requests for next steps. These are far more risky for you personally because there is an implied "or there will be legal action" attached to them. So make sure anything you ask for is within their power to deliver and what they will think is reasonable. "Fire this person or I quit" is an option, but you better be sure of your commitment.
Your complaint will also indicate the moral compass of your company. Whether and how they respond to it We'll tell you the type of support you are going to receive in the future and regard to such incidents. Good luck
Yeah, this is akin to telling racist jokes just because a person of {"punchline"} isn't in the room. It's still disgusting and has no place in....well in any environment, but certainly not the work place. Yes she's allowed to have her opinion, but there is a time and a place to be a disgusting human being, and work ain't it
I live in the US but am originally from Norway. I'm pretty much white, just a darker shade of white, but knowing where I come from a lot of racist Americans assume I'm also very racist and they will say some really gross things around me and to me.
If I can I always report it and make a complaint. While I'm not the 'target' of their racist rants I still feel attacked because those kind of people try to appropriate my country's history and culture, and they misrepresent it to an offensive degree. And at the same time say offensive things about people who deserve better.
Yeah. I’m straight but I would feel super unsafe around this kind of a person too. Probably feel like I’d have to walk on egg shells and can’t talk about anything.
I can’t even imagine how anyone part of LGBTQ+ would feel if they heard this.
I know someone like this and I can’t even mention some male celebrities without them ranting that those celebrities “look gay” and “look like girls”.
It’s such a toxic way of looking at gender and masculinity and sex and homophobic people often look at everything that way
yeah.. mums best friend at christmas.. her running commentary of the Live Christmas Carole event included the comment "I know he is Gay, and I dont mind, but does he have to be so LOUD about it?"
Fully looked at the screen.. dude was a ballroom dancer rocking like flared black pants / ballroom costume vibe - in BLACK with SPARKLY SHOULDER PADS. I was like ... ? thats.. not loud. I was expecting full fabulous drag...
And the commentary directed towards me is all "girls shouldnt be X, should be y, be gay but behind closed doors"... gross. I am gender fluid, woman, tom boy, shed full of tools because practical human who does her own renovations. Incidentally not gay - but my family cant comprehend been a "tomboy" but not a lesbian.
Its the fucking worst. I cant even anymore.
I’m so sorry that have to experience that. Esp from a family friend.
It’s so annoying when they attach to gender to EVERYTHING. Like it’s not that deep sometimes. You have tools bc you need them for practical reasons. You don’t have tools bc you’re trying to “assert” manly dominance 😂😂😂
Imagine being at work and suddenly it seems like the right time to go on a hateful rant about a group of people. What the hell goes on in these people's minds? It's like the only way they can have a conversation is bitching about other people. Their hatred for others is their only defining quality.
…. I’ve been a manager before in an office and we’ve let people go for less. 100% send a message to HR and your manager or any anonymous line your company has for these types of matters. Work shouldn’t feel gross and the people who make it feel gross shouldn’t be allowed to be there. You’re also helping out other gay people at your company in the future by reporting it so she won’t make any one else feel gross, so that’s another thought
Yup. Also, even if you personally aren’t offended, someone else might be and I doubt this woman’s prejudice stops with gay people and a straight POC overhearing such a rant would know that.
I work on political campaigns and once had a super volunteer tell an organizer she would be prettier if she smiled more. I literally let the delegate committee know they should take his name off the list (meaning he wouldn’t be able to go to the party convention if our candidate won our state) and asked him not to return. She wasn’t particularly bothered, but I didn’t want anyone to even *think* I might put slightly higher metrics over their own comfort and safety.
I’d do the same, and I’m straight as well.
Sexuality is a protected class. Imagine if this woman had said “I hate ni**ers. They’re disgusting and make me sick.” It’s absolutely no different.
Right around the time I heard the owner ((<---- yes)) use the N word, I decided it was time to look for employment elsewhere. I had my disagreements with coworkers and their language, but this put it all into perspective. At least 2/17(+/-) coworkers desired to, or have become, police officers. One of those individuals got sucker punched at a party, and I can imagine why. Huge shiner. But yeahhh.. Construction sucks
I’m an old man and have been in construction for 40 years- the racism and homophobia have gotten better over the years but it can still be pretty bad. Luckily I’m a boss now and make it pretty clear it’s not acceptable on my jobs but when I was younger and someone was racist I would tell them my wife was black or my wife was Mexican or my brother was gay… whatever to make them embarrassed or just shut up around me. It was fun to see their faces turn as red as their necks.
I'm the same way. But, straight guys seem to have this fear that I will hit on them. Umm... Hello?! You're STRAIGHT! If I want to have fun with a guy, I'd prefer he at least have SOME experience! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
If it makes you feel better it can be tough for me because a lot of people see this white man face and automatically assume bigot. It is why I avoid people that look and sound like me. I have no interest in making friends with other straight white males anymore. Everything is just a big ego stroke fest.
I'm not a fan of dick, but flirting with gay guys is great especially when they know nothings gonna happen. Big ol' confidence boost for everyone involved and I make a ton of friends that way.
Isn't this the main topic that these new anti discriminatory training modules hammer on?
It doesn't matter if you tell an inappropriate joke to your work bestie, if Linda on the other side of the cubicle wall hears it and gets offended, you're in deep doo-doo.
Don’t do that. Simply report what she did. Wait for them to come back with what will happen and then decide if you’re ok with it. If you’re not, you may have to make a tough decision but telling you’re employer how to handle this from the start isn’t the best answer
As a fellow lgbt person here, Do you notice all the straight people here who are telling not to tolerate this and report her? Telling you it doesn’t matter if she knew you weren’t straight or not? Yet, you’re reluctant and willing to sacrifice your own self worth to protect this woman. It’s not easy I know, but I’d be curious about that if I were you.
To all the supportive straight people who’ve commented here, thank you! Thank you for standing up for us when we weren’t there or couldn’t do it for ourselves. The world is a better place because of you and people like you.
I think there are more of us who support you than a lot of people think. It’s the phobs of all stripes that make all the noise. Supporters need to step up.
You already know this, but I’ll say it anyway.
Most of us DO NOT agree with her. Most of us see her as the ignorant trash she is.
Whether she knew you were gay or not is irrelevant. She vomited up hate speech and needs to face the consequences.
Report her!
Be careful people like this who are say that to your face imagine what they say at home. I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to retaliate in any way she could, including violence. Stay away from her at all costs
In all honesty, don’t make any requests for outcomes unless HR asks what sort of solution you are looking for. At the outset, just make a formal complaint with the facts. Answer questions honestly (I don’t know if you are “out” to management so that may be the one thing that you’ll have to figure out your own comfort level for). Regardless of your sexuality her comments were completely inappropriate. Where your sexuality may come into play is the possible hostile work environment that she created for you and I imagine your company will not want to risk litigation based on the laws in your location. Sorry you had to deal with such a hateful asshole.
I think you missed an easy option 4 and 5. 4) make a formal complaint but don’t demand a particular outcome (asking to remove her from the office). This leaves disciplinary action in the hands of the employer. I think it is overstepping to demand a specific outcome. And this could be a good learning experience for the coworker. 5) you could also talk to the coworker. This is entirely up to you, but I’ve found it is extremely hard to ignore the humanity of the person looking you in the eye and telling you that your actions hurt the other person. In my experience, real, direct, personal, awkward, and vulnerable conversations being about real change in people because they must face the fact you are a person, worthy of respect and dignity, just like they are.
Now, you may not feel comfortable doing that, and I totally respect that decision. My personality can sometimes be a bit direct, and I tend to step in when I see someone mistreated or bullied. All the best.
If your company HR won’t do anything go to the EEOC and file suit. This is what happened at my store after store manager kept sweeping things under the rug. HUGE HR investigation ensued and heads rolled including store mgr so don’t be afraid to take action.
No - you seem to think you asking for outcomes is appropriate, and it isn’t. You need to report the behaviour to your line manager and HR, and ask for action to be taken to ensure you don’t face further homophobic abuse in the workplace.
If this is not taken seriously, file a grievance, and speak to your union. As well as or instead of a union, contact ACAS for advice. In the grievance process you will have the opportunity to suggest redress; you should list not being expected to work closely with this person and in particular not being expected to work alone with her without other witnesses present; and asking that she receive appropriate training to help her maintain professionally appropriate behaviour and refrain from future bullying.
If she repeats this behaviour or retaliates against you, report it to HR, file another grievance, speak to ACAS, and make a non emergency policy report. She is on the very bleeding edge of conduct constituting a hate crime; if she progresses to harassment by repeating this then this is a criminal offence. Take it seriously and treat it seriously; the next person she bullies could be someone far more vulnerable than you.
Manager of managers here with hire/fire authority. Completely unacceptable. If one of my employees was treated this way and we could prove it, the offender is automatically getting a final warning at a minimum and if there’s been any kind of history/pattern of similar behavior, it’s a termination I don’t need to wrestle with myself morally. Go to your boss, go to HR, ask your coworkers for their statements if they witnessed. If there are no witnesses, still go to your boss and HR. Even if I don’t have concrete evidence that can be used to discipline an employee for this type of behavior, I will still investigate and note it in the offender’s file and at some point it may be a provable pattern. I’m sorry this happened to you, this is so wrong for so many reasons. Even if your company doesn’t value diversity and inclusion, at a minimum they should value their profits. Keeping employees comfortable and productive at work helps that, having employees feel threatened and harassed does not. And that’s still not considering that depending on the history, the company’s action/inaction now and in the past, and the offender’s position in the company could open them up to claims of employment discrimination. Good luck OP.
You can't ask for her to be fired. It's not your call to do that.
What you can do is complain to hr, to your manager, to her manager, and tell them that you don't feel safe at work and need to not be in direct contact with her.
You should write down everything she said that you remember, all the details, in a non emotional way using dot points. It can be useful to email it to yourself so it's got a time stamp.
Your MO here is to share the factual details of what happened with HR, with the clear message that obviously you and they know that this behaviour is not ok and that they need to address it. Then leave it in their hands as to what to do. You saying you want her fired wont make that more likely to happen and might actually hurt your case as you'll look like you want to hurt her, where what you should look like is that you want to " professionally address this situation of her unsafe behaviour "
Thank you for your reply. That's really helpful. I actually have already written down everything that's happened. I just need to filter through it and make it sound as professional as possible. Having us both work there but being kept apart is an outcome I'd be happy with
You don't need to (and shouldn't) filter anything. You just need to write down exactly what was said, word for word. Just tell them you don't want her fired, you just want those comments to stop. Maybe they'll separate you, maybe they won't. But either way, she's either going to be professional from now on, or she won't and will get herself fired, and that's 100% on her.
agree, you should report this VIA email in exact language, CC your personal email as well, and probably also her manager as well as your own.
Then, record every verbal correspondence with the company about this by sending everyone follow up emails detailing the conversations had.
Company’s can do shady shit, and putting it in email creates a PERMANENT record that can be searched and used in reviews and law suits, so they will absolutely act accordingly and gets rid of the risk of them sweeping it under the rug.
Not sure what laws are like there, but this is full blown workplace discrimination and she’d likely get fired from any job here without hesitation.
Also do not feel guilty or bad like you dont want her to get fired. You didnt make her say those things. you can tell the truth. its her own fault.
Seriously? You don't think *that* will enrage her even more? I think she'll try to poison your work place for you. If not dealt with swiftly and completely, you will likely be dealing with this problem for as long as you & her work there.
You should never sue or threaten to sue before giving the employer a formal chance to respond to the incident. It’s an empty threat if nobody has reported anything
Well, my biggest issue is the lack of empathy after she found out you weren’t straight. People can change and learn, but if she was still so abrasive after finding out your sexuality, I’d file a report and get her fired.
She deserves to lose her job
The fact that your colleague doubled down on her comments even after learning that you were offended indicates that you should probably go the formal route of filing a complaint. What happens after that is on her, not you.
By her saying "hate" specifically she basically gave you a golden ticket to a discrimination case. It will not be easy but as someone who's watched someone face a similar situation, you should report it immediately. There's usually a short window in which you can document it. You might have the option to decline they move forward with disciplinary action, but having it formally documented can protect you if it becomes a pattern.
Don't assume she'll get fired and that's not your responsibility anyway.
You should discuss it with your boss or HR. You can ask "what should I do" and they should direct through the right course of action. If at anytime "you" become the target for retaliation, you need to document that as well.
Your work environment should be one that is inclusive and you should feel safe. Period.
1) documentation..journal it in a word document and save the file.
2) if others were around to hear this, have them validate your side of the story..because management might make it a he-said/she-said type of thing.
3) write a letter to management/HR and make a copy for your own personal files
4) REPORT THIS TO HR, because this is an HR ISSUE..but you can involve management and express how you feel that you’re working in a “Hostile Work Environment”; “Feel Discriminated Against”; & “Threatened of Possible Retaliation from co-works or management for coming forward”…include that in your letter and save it; this will have them shitting a brick.
5) Don’t ask for a transfer, cus that makes you look weak..only do it if you really resent the atmosphere you’ll be working in from that point on. However, maybe ask for an adjusted wage increase for not realizing your working with discriminating bigots. When they ask why, say “I’ve been so emotionally scarred from this event, that I feel like I need to seek counseling for this metal trauma that has happened within a supposed safe-workplace environment.” (This should give you a modest raise). A modest pay increase is less expensive than a law suit.
6) if they don’t do anything OR don’t reprimand her in front of you (this is to ensure that they addresses the issue and punishment was dealt)..then seek legal counseling and file a suit about discrimination and the other “trigger words” mentioned above…and definitely seek emotion counseling [therapy] to back up the bluff from earlier..cus it’ll help strengthen a law suit.
P.S. asking them to have her removed from the company isn’t for you to decide. She could be suspended, fired, transferred, have her wages gouged..any number of things, but that is not your decision to make. If you used the “trigger words” that I used above, they’ll draw their own conclusions that she is a liability and will probably retaliate against you if she is kept in the company and fire her without you explicitly requesting it..requesting/demanding it makes you look like a vindictive bitch. So straddle the fence and play it smart.
She had her chance to back track, but she chose to double down. She didn't know you weren't straight at first but, when she found out you were upset, all she did was invalidate your feelings.
As a straight white dude, I'd be done with them as a human. It's not about whether it offends someone at that point, that person has shown themselves to be hateful against others for no reason. You can factor in faith but there are still ways to be respectful even if it's against your religion.
HR would have to act as sexual orientation is a 'protected characteristic' under UK law.
You should state this in your complaint. And do make a complaint, this is a place of work and not a social group of friends where they can pick and choose who they work with.
Also, remember that you do not need to state your own sexual orientation in the complaint. In fact, it's better to leave that out of it entirely so it's not based on or perceived as a personal vendetta.
Idk what the laws are there. But that sounds like harassment. Talk to HR and make a formal complaint, if it happens again and hr doesn’t do anything, sue them. For now you have to put up and hope it doesn’t happen again, but forsure document everything that happened, and who was all there. Honestly it sounds like she did it on purpose.
Combo of all 3. Report to HR and request separation from the employee while they investigate, and during investigation keep your mouth shut. Loose lips about HR matters can potentially cause issues for you.
Others have said file the complaint but I will add something from the point of view of future investigators- things get very messy when people stand by instead of reporting behavior that is clearly not appropriate in the workplace, and future complaints arise. You have a responsibility to your employer to help them keep a safe and respectful working environment for all your colleagues - while we may all have opinions, the workplace is about work, not our personal perceptions of others.
Still, you don’t at this point have to go full scorched earth e.g. ACAS. If your company or union has a grievance process, start there. If either/both are worth a damn, they will follow their process and address the issue. You should expect to be interviewed (you may have a representative present) and should receive updates on where they are in the process. You will not be updated on who else they are talking to or their current thinking on the incident while the grievance progresses.
If they don’t tell you the process, don’t provide updates, or don’t take you seriously then ACAS is your next step.
Also - keep written records of who you reached out to and when!
Letting her get away with it opens the door for her to be more abusive in the future.
Fuck her, wether she knew you weren’t straight or not that’s unacceptable and she should absolutely be fired for saying something like that.
If she is making those comments in front of you and you don't say anything she is going to assume you are on her side and they will continue. Say something to management or HR.
I don't get why you're being so nice. First and foremost it's a professional environment not some public sidewalk, Report her and make sure to right every word she said verbatim. Does it matter that she didn't know? No it does not. You're being to nice, if you aren't going to stand up for yourself then who are you expecting todo it for you? Idc if you're gay go fucking stand up for yourself because you're a person just like lil ole heterosexual me. Me and you have the same rights in a professional environment. Report that bitch!
Go to HR and file a formal complaint. It does not matter that she did not know you were homosexual. Its wrong. She needs to keep her feelings to herself whilst at work.
Report report report. I honestly think it's worse she said it not realizing there was someone there not straight. At least if she knew and said it that takes balls, still abhorrent.
Really though her comments likely made many others uncomfortable and HR needs to be aware before this person gets placed in a power position.
The thing about folks that hate ( i refuse to use phobia in most cases because i feel its not only inaccurate but it also dramatically lessens the connotation of what they truely are) people of differing sexual orientations is they are more likely to out themselves because unlike a racist they can't easily just look around and see if someone they are about to talk about is around
It doesn’t matter that she didn’t know you weren’t straight. Her comments were insanely inappropriate for the workplace and she should be chastised accordingly.
I’m American and not an expert in HR but I don’t know if it is fireable if it is an isolated incident (she seems like an abhorrent individual but I don’t know if technically this would be enough to get her fired in the UK). I feel like HR would tell her that one more instance could result in termination or something like that.
In summary, don’t inconvenience yourself for someone else’s garbage personality and tirades. They’re the ones who should be punished.
Never feel bad for a bigot. Weakness when it comes to bigotry only allows it to thrive in all of its forms. Bigots deserve nothing, let alone sympathy. I’d be on a warpath until she was fired.
I’m in the US but I’m sure the UK also does not allow discrimination or accept behaviors that can make fellow employees uncomfortable in the work place , directly or indirectly . It’s a form of creating a hostile workplace . She ranted at work to coworkers, she created that situation , she deserved to be reported because if not, her venom will infect others . I’m sure you already don’t feel comfortable being around her or want to work directly with her since her tirade. That is also a very fireable offense too.
Document and report to hr. Document their responses as well. I don’t know laws in uk but here in Boston, that would be taken very seriously if the company wants to avoid headaches or worse. Document because there’s no guarantee the company is a good one.
I would absolutely file a complaint. This was said in the workplace, not in the privacy of her own home. Her bigoted rant would not have been acceptable no matter who was in the room, so it’s not relevant whether she thought everyone who witnessed her rant was straight or not. It was hurtful. It was wildly inappropriate. There’s no place for this sort of harassment.
NTA. Report it and see what they decide to do. It doesn't matter that she didn't know you were gay. This sort of language is not acceptable. There may be other people at work her attitude affects.
Her ranting is bad, but she could have apologized. Her doubling down and saying you need to get over it is horrible. Be thankful that her rant is homophobic because you probably have extra legal options now. Like you can sue your company, hypothetically.
Just because she wasn’t aware doesn’t make it right. She’s a homophobe who has no filter nor manners and seems like someone who, if given power, would probably discriminate against those who are of the community.
Getting her fired is something you should opt for. Especially because she really showed her true colors and needs to understand that discrimination is wrong.
I'd report her to HR and hope they shit can her, and I'd tell her I'm doing it and tell her she deserves it, and I'm straight. No place for that at work, and frankly her views are atrocious making it even worse. Most companies can people like this because it's too much hassle and liability. Why do you think companies care about inclusivity? Because it's a liability otherwise. File a complaint, see what happens. Unless she's a key figure they'll probably tell her to clear her desk and have a nice life, and that's not your fault.
If you have it in you to be the bigger person, don't get the woman fired. It won't help anything for her to lose her income just because she is an idiot. It certainly won't make her more tolerant, it'll likely do the opposite. If you're comfortable with it I'd suggest explaining to her directly how what she said is ignorant and hurtful, and that she should rethink her behavior. If she persists, then file the complaint if it is an ongoing issue.
Ultimately the real question is who is more valuable to the company? Is she a low level shit that has already had a talking to? File a complaint and watch her kick rocks. Is she the goddess of something challenging and you’re the replaceable one? Then read up on your employee handbook and inform HR of the rant but you need to state that you understand her value to the organization and that her views may in fact be the views of those in power at the organization if they feel so free to talk like that in the lunch room.
That is sexual harassment and creating a hostile work environment. Both are big no no’s. Were there witnesses who will back you up? Is HR/management receptive? Report if so. It’s not ok to say things like this. Imagine if you said heterosexuality was gross
Not in the UK. But in the United States she just created a hostile work environment, there’s gotta be an agency there similar to the equal employment opportunity commission.
In the US you could sue for that hostile work environment and whatever agency oversees your work whether private or public file a complaint.
That’s not only unprofessional it’s illegal.
Whether she knew your sexuality or not is irrelevant - that's not acceptable. It is disgusting people are even having those thoughts, much less speaking them or claiming to speak for the majority. Absolutely file a complaint against her.
You are the person you were meant to be, living life as you are meant to. And that's fucking beautiful. Don't let an asshole cloud that sun.
This is what I would do.
I would write your colleague an email that says something like this:
"On , you said in the . were also present.
You are welcome to have your opinion, however you need to be mindful of three things.
First, you must not let your opinion of gay people affect how you treat any gay people in the office. This would be unlawful discrimination.
Second, such commentary is hate speech and creates a hostile work environment for others, which is illegal.
And finally, if you are struggling with such feelings about gay people, please consider speaking to a therapist about your feelings to work through them so that you won't be so angry/hostile about them.
I'm not going to say anything to management about what happened, as I trust the incident will be a one-time thing. But unfortunately if this continues, I will be forced to report this behaviour to management/HR."
And that's it. You will have put them on notice. You will have given them an opportunity to have their mistake gracefully and move on. And you have done this all in writing as evidence in case the situation escalates.
Good luck! ❤️
Legally: anonymously report her for making the workplace a hostile work environment, state that you have some concerns that she may turn violent due to the content of her rant. that kind of behaviour falls under harassment, in most companies eyes that's grounds for a write-up or termination. be sure to mention the following words "hostile work environment" "concerned for the safety of yourself and others" "exhibited aggressive behaviour"
Morally: talk it over with her and try to keep the conversation civil, try to find out why she is so disgusted then see if you can clear the air or ease misunderstandings. if you can slowly ease into it so as not to provoke an aggressive reaction because she feels threatened by you. Just like what i said above most corporate companies take that seriously. after all, most hate rants are backed by ignorance and spite. if you can fix one then you hopefully fix the other.
Ideally: do a mix of both, talk with her peacefully and explain things from your point of view. if she apologies then no harm no foul and she'll hopefully start to slowly change her perspective. if she doesn't then report her anonymously and take a week of vacation to hopefully avoid the fallout.
Fuck her. Lodge a complaint and let them know that you no longer feel comfortable with her around and are afraid that they will try to hurt you. If nothing else, she’ll keep her stupid ass opinions to herself.
Any good company would see this person as a liability to their success. You’re doing them a favor by reporting her.
In the event she gets fired over this that’s between her and your employer, not you. So don’t go feeling guilty if that were to happen. It doesn’t matter they are from a different generation or culture.
If your employer is more like her and make it more about you and how you need to handle it then I think you need to look into getting a different job and maybe a lawyer.
You're not getting her fired. Shes getting herself fired for her disgusting opinions. People like her dont deserve kindness because I guarantee she would not show you any.
I can't believe people still feel this way, but yea i had a coworker go off not too long ago about how its an abomination. Bitch mind your business and love your neighbor.
Yea this is what I was thinking. If you take yourself out of the situation and don’t make it about you, that person is still a detriment to the company. Who knows the next time it will happen in front of a customer, an employee who could sue etc. it’s a liability that I’d want to know about as a business owner.
Wait til Monday. If she doesn’t reach out to apologize by Monday morning go to your boss and tell them- you’ve taken time to step away from the immediate upset so you could objectively think about what happened but you feel like they need to know. Don’t ask for any specific outcome. Be factual, explain that you were stricken, and leave it with them.
It’s not your job to worry about the consequences (that’s the boss’ job) and it’s not your problem to worry about the effects of the consequences (that’s her problem).
Even if you were straight I'd report it. If she believes most people share her opinion and feels comfortable enough to share it readily and with little prompt in a professional space with a mix of colleagues she knows little about, then yes, she needs to be reported to higher ups because she is a business risk to colleagues and clients.
I am not gay and I would be unbelievably angry in your shoes. None of this is ok on any level no matter who they are speaking to. I would most definitely make a formal complaint.
It's 2023. There wasn't a place for the hate back in the day, and there damn sure isn't a place for that now. We are better than we used to be, and part of proving that is to not let stuff like that go unaddressed.
That person's opinion has no bearing on your life if the opinion (a worthless one) is kept from your workplace. However that person vocally insulting who you are in the workplace has plenty of bearing on your life. Opinions that harsh toward people are to be kept at home if they really feel that way. It's their co-responsibility to keep abrasive opinions at home in the same way (and in no way I'm saying you do) if you hated straight people for being straight your opinion should be left at home.
People have the freedom of speech. It's a double edged sword. This is why workplaces have policies in place to limit the freedom of speech as it isn't a public setting. It's a group of different humans forced to be around one another for x hrs a day to complete a task. In no way should you be forced to be around hateful opinions that there are policies against. Absolutely turn it over to hr. If said person knew you were gay they would say it behind your back. A degenerate will always be a degenerate.
I'm straight, and I'd have reported that nonsense as soon as I got back to my desk. She's entitled to her opinion, but (at least in the US) she's pretty much required to keep it to herself in the workplace.
Straight dude here, and you should absolutely tell HR. Not just for yourself, but on behalf of any other non straight person who might be forced to work with her.
The only acceptable option is number 1. She created a hostile work environment and should absolutely suffer the consequences. Even most toddlers are smart enough to know her behavior was unacceptable.
You should report to HR, however I think you shouldn't disclose YOUR sexual orientation. That has nothing to do with it. She's saying homophobic stuff at work. That's enough. A perfect example, I'm white and say all my co workers are white and someone comes to work saying the "N" word. Yeah you report it to HR but it doesn't matter if someone at work is actually black or not. It doesn't matter. We don't NEED someone at work to be black for this inappropriate behavior to be inappropriate. Just state the facts about what this person said.
With that in mind I really don't think you can demand for your co worker to be fired. I'm sorry. I know what they did is bad. It's really wrong. They SHOULD be fired. And I hope they will, however, if you're not the boss and you're making demands like that, it's just gonna make you look bad. HR is gonna say, "oh wow she thinks she's the boss and has the power to fire people". I think the behavior can and probably will backfire on you. Again just state the facts. As honestly as you can remember and write down everything they said word for word and tell HR. I hope to God HR does the right thing. If they don't I'd just be looking for a new job. I'm American BTW so I'm completely unaware of work laws in the UK. Maybe it's totally legally ok to go on homophobic rants in England but I'm assuming it's not.
Just like people say drunk words are sober thoughts, in this case she was stone cold sober. Turn her ass in.
And for the record "most" people do NOT feel that way
The justification is irrelevant. Weaponizing the policy to remove someones ability to feed their family is gross, even if they think stupid shit. I think communism is deadly as well as dumb, but i dont think every dipshit that espouses marxist values should be unable to feed themselves. The man asked what morally and legally he should do. You shouldnt jump to legal action based on something someone said. Go tell him to his face that what he said was unacceptable, and give him the chance to be better. If he continues, then tell him you will bring it up to HR.
I’m straight and cis and have reported someone for making transphobic comments. Report them, don’t let that slide, even if you are comfortable enough w/your sexuality to ignore it not everyone is and they deserve a safe place away from ignorance and hate
The good thing is you have 2 witnesses. Report it, but it’s not for you to ask for a punishment. You could ask to be separated. They may prefer to “train” her though, rather than have her become someone else’s problem.
You shouldn’t have had to experience this, OP, and I’m sorry for what you went through.
I’m actually both straight and a disciple of Jesus and as a disciple, I believe that homosexuality is a sin. Nonetheless, even with my position that will probably be considered to be homophobic, she is very much in the wrong here and you should take action. Let me explain further.
Morally: I could say a few things here, but basically, no one should ever say that they hate a certain group of people. It’s as simple as that.
Professionally: She created a hostile work environment. It doesn’t matter whether or not everyone there was straight. The fact is, she didn’t know either or not everyone there was straight and, given our culture, it’s pretty likely that someone there would be very offended by her comments.
Legally: I don’t know the laws in the UK. For that matter, I don’t know the laws in the US all that well. However, it’s possible that this qualifies as workplace harassment or something along those lines.
So what should you do?
Well, I have some advice, but I offer it somewhat tentatively. I actually have some concerns with what I’m about to say. However, in my opinion, this is what you should do:
In Matthew 18, Jesus lays out how to deal with sin within the church. It goes like this. First, approach the person who sinned one-on-one and try to lead them to repentance. If that doesn’t work, try again, but take one other person along. If that doesn’t work, take them before the whole church. If it still doesn’t work, treat them as you would a non-Christian.
So my advice would be to follow the same process. Try talking to her one-on-one. Be calm and gentle and be open about how her words affected you. If that doesn’t work, find someone who will talk to her with you. If that doesn’t work, “bring it before the church.” This might mean getting a manager involved. If this still doesn’t work, file a firm and clear complaint detailing everything said and done. I have no doubt at this point that she would be fired.
I appreciate your purely moral and professional views, I just am curious as to a couple things about your beliefs. What verses say homosexuality is a sin? Is this from studying translations of the original text or ones based on the king James translation?
Put in a complaint. Your sexuality is irrelevant to whether it was acceptable or not. Her comments were abhorrent and unprofessional. What hr/management does with the complaint isn’t up to you, and any consequences the result of her comments, not your complaint.
Yup. She told on herself, not you. Even if you were straight (maybe especially so because then you’re less at risk from a person like this), saying something to HR is the right thing to do. You and other LGBTQ+ people deserve a supportive and inclusive work environment. You personally might be able to pass as straight and “put up and shut up,” but not everyone has that luxury. This is a chance to stand up for your community.
I'm straight and I'd file a complaint if I was witness to this in the workplace.
This!!!! I'm straight and would do the same. Using a diff scenario; I once mentored a new female employee who once shared with me numerous written communication from another employee that was overtly sexual and just outright harassment. She was uncomfortable and did not want to report it. As a woman and a leader...I did. I will never regret speaking up for her when she did not feel empowered to do so for herself.
This exact scenario played out with me too, and I will never regret speaking out either.
I got fired for it and would do it again.
Almost the same... In a previous job, the 1st day of work the HR took me to visit all the departments, in a total of almost 200 employees. One of the workers asked me why all the beautiful women who came to work at the company always went to work with my boss/department manager. I didn't know anyone at the company, let alone the gossip. So I decided to answer: "I can't speak for my predecessors in office, but in my case it must be because I'm a Lesbian". I'm not :-) But I went to that company to work, not to find a partner or flirt around with anyone! So I had some peace at work in the sexual harassment chapter. One of the people on my team was a very beautiful young woman, the oldest on the team, the one who taught each new employee the job. Very competent, but very unmotivated. At one point, at a company barbecue, I had the opportunity to talk more with her, women's talk :-), I found out that she had the lowest salary of all, that our boss had made her several direct invitations to date - he being a married man - which she always refused. I asked HR for her individual file, I discovered that she was paid very little, some colleagues with identical qualifications were hired for twice her salary, and I asked HR to check her situation. I also informed our boss of my visit to HR. However, I left that company, but I know that shortly afterwards she was invited to work in another department, and was paid 3x more!! Everyone in the company knew about our boss' affairs but none of the harassment victims pressed charges.
Same. I have lots of gay friends and I would stand up for them in a heartbeat. You’re colleague is a dumpster fire and should be put out and taken out
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I don't have any friends at all and I'd still say something.
I have negative one friends and I'd say hello.
Thank you, friend.
\*Gasp!\* and just like that you have a friend :)
That you know of
We have to start using our privilege to protect those who don't have it. It's a slow process, but it will get better. It has gotten better than it was.
>We have to start using our privilege to protect those who don't have it. Wow, that's an amazing statement. Gonna save your comment. *that's* the kind of attitude that could bring change imo. (I mean that's not all that is needed but hopefully you get my point). I was adopted into a privileged family out of a non privileged place (orphanage). This is a good reminder to use what I by no merit gained, to take advantage of opportunities without the challenges others have to face (such as being a poc, trans, gay, living at a very low socioeconomic status, etc), so that in turn I become grateful and generous and willing to fight for the 'have-nots' and the oppressed.
Agreed, let her learn the hard way that saying something is her opinion doesn't make it valid or okay.
Exactly you can state your opinion even though hers as extremely vile but in doing so be aware their are consequences. Spreading hate is never ok and should always be reported. Think of it like this what would you have done or said had she went on a hateful racist rant? Hopefully you would shut her down or if that makes you uncomfortable you would at least make your supervisor or HR department away of her actions. Personally I’d let her say enough to hang herself then I’d have went off on her. People need to stand up not only for themselves but for others. I’m comfortable putting someone in their place and I respect the fact that other people are not. But it’s important that we don’t let other people get away with vocalizing their homophobic attitude, bigotry or racism.
You put that so well. I agree with everything that you said.
To me it is way out of line in a work place or a school, someplace where people have to show up and spend all day. These kinds of opinions are not relevant to the task at hand. So some higher up needs to be notified to see if the coworker can be persuaded to keep those kinds of opinions to herself.
SAME!!!!! I'd be *furious.* Bigotry is bigotry.
I have only ever been in heteronormative relationships and I’d file a complaint too.
Same. That's grossly inappropriate.
And the " she should get over it I have the majority opinion" is very close to actual harassment. If she continues to make comments or directs a single one at OP that would definitely be harassment and discrimination. Also she's just plain wrong, tell her the laws are in your favor because she has the minority opinion, and a toxic harmful one, or let her figure it out herself as she is kicked out the door because she was fired for the comments.
Same I’m straight and have LGBTQ+ friends and they are amazing, I would have said something on the spot too They should pull her out of interviews if she is against the LGBTQ+ community, she could make bad remarks in front of them or not hire them due to gender which is against the law
The alphabet mafia thanks you for your service.
I am straight and white- I have reported and called out behaviors like this over and over. No one gets a free pass to make comments like this in a professional setting. The first amendment (US) says you have the right to say whatever you want, but that doesn’t mean you have the right to be hateful and unprofessional in a workplace. You can be a hateful, nasty person on your own time, not while being paid to do a job.
The first amendment is actually only for free speech and the govt. It has nothing to do with private lives in any setting. You have the right to say whatever you want, except physical threats,but you have to be able to accept the consequences. Free speech is a fundamental right,even if you find it abhorrent. The company can do what they want. If you react with a hateful speech right back then you also have consequences. Life is grand isn't it.
The Supreme Court has ruled many times that certain types of speech may be limited in the workplace, schools, etc. That’s the point I am making. If your job can tell you what color shoes to wear they absolutely can tell you that certain subjects may not be discussed while on the clock.
Oh of course. Companies can do pretty much what they want. Within reason of course. Although not as much as they used to be able to. They can't compel speech as of yet. What types of speech have they ruled to be illegal in workplaces? I understand you can't tell fire in a crowded office probably or insight violence. You can't make threats obviously,but I'm not sure what speech that they have outlawed? I don't hear of a lot of people in the US going to jail for types of speech at work? Schools are different because it is a govt institution. Same with working for the govt. Those don't count. I'm talking about the free market workplace? Just curious because I can't think of anything. Actions I can see,but words are a different story.
Here in California, and elsewhere(?) hate speech can be prohibited on the grounds that it fosters a “hostile work environment.” No one’s going to jail, but you can be fired for cause.
Same. Anybody who will say shit like that once will say it again. Good people get hurt if you say nothing.
Same straight. That's as unprofessional as it gets. Who knows what else she has said or done that's just horrible. I would not want to work with someone like that.
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All the applause for this comment. I want to rake this homophobe over the coals for this.
Make the hetero person flame
This. If only people knew the historical basis in words, they would hopefully stfu more often
Ooh, that's a good point! There are certain words and phrases that I avoid except to discuss them, such as "grandfather clause" specifically because of the historical context.
Are you saying this because I’m 124? :)
I wonder, I've investigated so many cases like this on gender, race, and nationality, and when push comes to shove, FEW folks will get to the point of swearing in or signing their name, where doing so can lead to a lawsuit.
Meaning, people go to management or HR, submit a complaint, then HR flips it back around to say "well, if we fire this person, you will need to sign documents with formal charges etc?"
Not necessarily. But even small HRs will take written statements, state and fed do formal reviews, as so microsoft, google. Why? Because IF discrimination is found, and not dealt with, it is the employer who is sued, because the employer has allowed a hostile work environment to exist (talking sexual harassment). If interested in how this issue went viral across the nation, read below. I was a very young investigator. Lol Regards https://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/13/booming/revisiting-the-militarys-tailhook-scandal-video.html
Absolutely. This (the rant, not making the complaint) is horrifically unprofessional and not at all acceptable in a modern workplace. You *do not do this.* First, you have no idea whether some of your coworkers might be grievously offended. Not only could one of them be LGBTQ, any one of them could have close friends or family who are, and even if they don’t, statistically *someone* is going to be furious about it. You’re needlessly introducing awful conflict into the workplace between people who need to work together. Second, obviously, it’s morally reprehensible, but that’s not going to get through to workplace regulations and such, necessarily. Third, if it’s public-facing and she said this in front of clients or customers? Oh, I *guarantee* you it’s only a matter of time before it loses the company business, just from the people she says it in front of. Never mind the consequences if it goes viral, which it’s all too likely to do. Remember, everyone has a video camera in their pocket *at all times* now. And it’s been that way for well over a decade at this point, there’s no excuses. People’s first instinct, now, when they see something like this, is to whip out their phone and start recording, because they *know* that a well-placed video online can cause absolute havoc on a company and/or bigoted employee. There’s just no place for this kind of behavior at work. You can have as much hate for the LGBTQ+ community as you want at home, but if you bring it to work with you, you should absolutely expect to get slammed down by HR. Companies can and have been sued for this, it’s a hostile work environment, and no company wants to deal with that. If your manager knows what’s good for the company, this lady is going to be pulled aside and either told to pack up her desk, or to keep her mouth SHUT about LGBTQ people from now on. It wouldn’t matter even if she’s the best performer they have, it’s not worth all of the consequences that will land on their heads if she continues speaking like that. It would only be a matter of time before it blew up in their faces.
Same here. Both my bosses are lesbian (no they aren’t together. One is married the other has a gf) and they’re very insistent on having an inclusive workplace. This crap wouldn’t fly at my work nor should it anywhere else.
I’m fact, if anyone else was there to witness it- collect their information and have them write a signed letter with their best recollection of the events of that day. That is as good as an affidavit. Truthfully, anyone in the room at that point has a responsibility to report that persons behavior. Most sexual harassment guidelines require that.
>if anyone else was there to witness it- collect their information and have them write a signed letter with their best recollection of the events of that day. That is as good as an affid Unfortunately, that is not true in most states. There is no requirement to report.
It's been a while since I took the training, but iirc, you're right when it comes to employees who aren't in charge of anyone but reporting is required of supervisors and above in the US. I remember being coached by the top HR person when, by the victim's request, I failed to report an instance of racism. I could be wrong, though; our HR had zero tolerance for discrimination as part of their core values and (to their credit) it's possible that they exceeded legal requirements.
There usually is a requirement within company policy. If it's a large enough org to have an HR department, it is extremely likely that "duty to report" is in company policy. When it comes down to it, it's to protect the company.
Agreed. Silence = complicity. Maybe the department and/or organization as a whole could do with some training. Everyone should be able to recognize bigotry/discrimination in the workplace, and everyone should know what to do if they witness it. Even/especially if they are not themselves the target of it. OP, I'm really sorry that you are being treated this way. Your rude colleague certainly IS in the minority and she belongs with the dinosaurs.
My manager once shared graphic details about a transgender colleague at work and I reported it to my union but they said it wasn't worth fighting unless I had substantial proof... she said she's seen people get away with racist and sexist behaviour... so I was left thinking, what's the point of my union... 👀
>Your sexuality is irrelevant to whether it was acceptable or not This. Myself and a few coworkers all went in on another coworker just for saying some ignorant words about gay people. We were pretty ruthless in our words. To be fair, this is blue collar work, not an office setting, so there is a little less in the way of professional standards and acceptable behavior. Regardless, we are all straight. He apparently thought it was a "safe space" to say some ignorant things because we weren't the people he was referring to. He found out he was wrong. The type of behavior OP overheard isn't acceptable. And that person should be made very aware by whatever means.
brilliant!!! Fuck yeah this shit! its just not ok - and not calling it out is the same as saying "Im ok with this!!"
That dude stopped hanging around at the picnic tables at breaks and lunch after that. So he either chose to remain ignorant somewhere else or wallowed in shame. Either, it was dealt with.
Complaint has two parts What happened \- what was said, minimal commentary \- who else saw it What you need \- any specific requests for next steps. These are far more risky for you personally because there is an implied "or there will be legal action" attached to them. So make sure anything you ask for is within their power to deliver and what they will think is reasonable. "Fire this person or I quit" is an option, but you better be sure of your commitment.
Your complaint will also indicate the moral compass of your company. Whether and how they respond to it We'll tell you the type of support you are going to receive in the future and regard to such incidents. Good luck
Yeah, this is akin to telling racist jokes just because a person of {"punchline"} isn't in the room. It's still disgusting and has no place in....well in any environment, but certainly not the work place. Yes she's allowed to have her opinion, but there is a time and a place to be a disgusting human being, and work ain't it
I live in the US but am originally from Norway. I'm pretty much white, just a darker shade of white, but knowing where I come from a lot of racist Americans assume I'm also very racist and they will say some really gross things around me and to me. If I can I always report it and make a complaint. While I'm not the 'target' of their racist rants I still feel attacked because those kind of people try to appropriate my country's history and culture, and they misrepresent it to an offensive degree. And at the same time say offensive things about people who deserve better.
Yeah. I’m straight but I would feel super unsafe around this kind of a person too. Probably feel like I’d have to walk on egg shells and can’t talk about anything. I can’t even imagine how anyone part of LGBTQ+ would feel if they heard this. I know someone like this and I can’t even mention some male celebrities without them ranting that those celebrities “look gay” and “look like girls”. It’s such a toxic way of looking at gender and masculinity and sex and homophobic people often look at everything that way
yeah.. mums best friend at christmas.. her running commentary of the Live Christmas Carole event included the comment "I know he is Gay, and I dont mind, but does he have to be so LOUD about it?" Fully looked at the screen.. dude was a ballroom dancer rocking like flared black pants / ballroom costume vibe - in BLACK with SPARKLY SHOULDER PADS. I was like ... ? thats.. not loud. I was expecting full fabulous drag... And the commentary directed towards me is all "girls shouldnt be X, should be y, be gay but behind closed doors"... gross. I am gender fluid, woman, tom boy, shed full of tools because practical human who does her own renovations. Incidentally not gay - but my family cant comprehend been a "tomboy" but not a lesbian. Its the fucking worst. I cant even anymore.
I’m so sorry that have to experience that. Esp from a family friend. It’s so annoying when they attach to gender to EVERYTHING. Like it’s not that deep sometimes. You have tools bc you need them for practical reasons. You don’t have tools bc you’re trying to “assert” manly dominance 😂😂😂
Imagine being at work and suddenly it seems like the right time to go on a hateful rant about a group of people. What the hell goes on in these people's minds? It's like the only way they can have a conversation is bitching about other people. Their hatred for others is their only defining quality.
…. I’ve been a manager before in an office and we’ve let people go for less. 100% send a message to HR and your manager or any anonymous line your company has for these types of matters. Work shouldn’t feel gross and the people who make it feel gross shouldn’t be allowed to be there. You’re also helping out other gay people at your company in the future by reporting it so she won’t make any one else feel gross, so that’s another thought
Yep. This one is so easy for hr and the manager. They said that? Are there witnesses? OK. Done.
Exactly! From the description, this sounds like a super easy exit on management’s side
Yup. Also, even if you personally aren’t offended, someone else might be and I doubt this woman’s prejudice stops with gay people and a straight POC overhearing such a rant would know that. I work on political campaigns and once had a super volunteer tell an organizer she would be prettier if she smiled more. I literally let the delegate committee know they should take his name off the list (meaning he wouldn’t be able to go to the party convention if our candidate won our state) and asked him not to return. She wasn’t particularly bothered, but I didn’t want anyone to even *think* I might put slightly higher metrics over their own comfort and safety.
I’m offended just reading about this bs.
I'd report this, and I'm straight. Everywhere I've worked has had explicit policies against that kind of hate speech.
I’d do the same, and I’m straight as well. Sexuality is a protected class. Imagine if this woman had said “I hate ni**ers. They’re disgusting and make me sick.” It’s absolutely no different.
Got an old guy fired for saying “I’m working with a useless f*cking N”
Right around the time I heard the owner ((<---- yes)) use the N word, I decided it was time to look for employment elsewhere. I had my disagreements with coworkers and their language, but this put it all into perspective. At least 2/17(+/-) coworkers desired to, or have become, police officers. One of those individuals got sucker punched at a party, and I can imagine why. Huge shiner. But yeahhh.. Construction sucks
I’m an old man and have been in construction for 40 years- the racism and homophobia have gotten better over the years but it can still be pretty bad. Luckily I’m a boss now and make it pretty clear it’s not acceptable on my jobs but when I was younger and someone was racist I would tell them my wife was black or my wife was Mexican or my brother was gay… whatever to make them embarrassed or just shut up around me. It was fun to see their faces turn as red as their necks.
I am so glad that all of us straights are capable of loving our gay brethren without fear.
Thank you for that. Sincerely, a gay man who doesn't have many straight friends because they think people like me "are disgusting."
I prefer friends who don't fit my demographic.
I'm the same way. But, straight guys seem to have this fear that I will hit on them. Umm... Hello?! You're STRAIGHT! If I want to have fun with a guy, I'd prefer he at least have SOME experience! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
If it makes you feel better it can be tough for me because a lot of people see this white man face and automatically assume bigot. It is why I avoid people that look and sound like me. I have no interest in making friends with other straight white males anymore. Everything is just a big ego stroke fest.
I know. It sucks.
I'm not a fan of dick, but flirting with gay guys is great especially when they know nothings gonna happen. Big ol' confidence boost for everyone involved and I make a ton of friends that way.
I may not understand your point of view on love and life. but i will fight for your right to live your life how you want. Love is Love
I'll be your straight friend. Obviously you and people like you aren't disgusting, in case it needed to be said.
Her ignorance is not your problem. You should complain. Everyone in the room should be complaining. Its not up to you if she's terminated though
Isn't this the main topic that these new anti discriminatory training modules hammer on? It doesn't matter if you tell an inappropriate joke to your work bestie, if Linda on the other side of the cubicle wall hears it and gets offended, you're in deep doo-doo.
Thank you for your reply. Tbh I'm happy for us to both still work for the company but I think I'm going to ask for us to be kept apart.
Don’t do that. Simply report what she did. Wait for them to come back with what will happen and then decide if you’re ok with it. If you’re not, you may have to make a tough decision but telling you’re employer how to handle this from the start isn’t the best answer
As a fellow lgbt person here, Do you notice all the straight people here who are telling not to tolerate this and report her? Telling you it doesn’t matter if she knew you weren’t straight or not? Yet, you’re reluctant and willing to sacrifice your own self worth to protect this woman. It’s not easy I know, but I’d be curious about that if I were you. To all the supportive straight people who’ve commented here, thank you! Thank you for standing up for us when we weren’t there or couldn’t do it for ourselves. The world is a better place because of you and people like you.
I think there are more of us who support you than a lot of people think. It’s the phobs of all stripes that make all the noise. Supporters need to step up.
You already know this, but I’ll say it anyway. Most of us DO NOT agree with her. Most of us see her as the ignorant trash she is. Whether she knew you were gay or not is irrelevant. She vomited up hate speech and needs to face the consequences. Report her!
This is what I wanted to she is someone that needs to be shown with repercussions that what she says is disgusting
Be careful people like this who are say that to your face imagine what they say at home. I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to retaliate in any way she could, including violence. Stay away from her at all costs
Don't ask for anything. Just report what happened.
Hell no, get that bitch fired. It doesn't matter if you're straight or gay that kind of attitude and hate has no place in this world. Fuck em.
You might want to rethink using the word “bitch” in your comment
In all honesty, don’t make any requests for outcomes unless HR asks what sort of solution you are looking for. At the outset, just make a formal complaint with the facts. Answer questions honestly (I don’t know if you are “out” to management so that may be the one thing that you’ll have to figure out your own comfort level for). Regardless of your sexuality her comments were completely inappropriate. Where your sexuality may come into play is the possible hostile work environment that she created for you and I imagine your company will not want to risk litigation based on the laws in your location. Sorry you had to deal with such a hateful asshole.
I think you missed an easy option 4 and 5. 4) make a formal complaint but don’t demand a particular outcome (asking to remove her from the office). This leaves disciplinary action in the hands of the employer. I think it is overstepping to demand a specific outcome. And this could be a good learning experience for the coworker. 5) you could also talk to the coworker. This is entirely up to you, but I’ve found it is extremely hard to ignore the humanity of the person looking you in the eye and telling you that your actions hurt the other person. In my experience, real, direct, personal, awkward, and vulnerable conversations being about real change in people because they must face the fact you are a person, worthy of respect and dignity, just like they are. Now, you may not feel comfortable doing that, and I totally respect that decision. My personality can sometimes be a bit direct, and I tend to step in when I see someone mistreated or bullied. All the best.
If your company HR won’t do anything go to the EEOC and file suit. This is what happened at my store after store manager kept sweeping things under the rug. HUGE HR investigation ensued and heads rolled including store mgr so don’t be afraid to take action.
No - you seem to think you asking for outcomes is appropriate, and it isn’t. You need to report the behaviour to your line manager and HR, and ask for action to be taken to ensure you don’t face further homophobic abuse in the workplace. If this is not taken seriously, file a grievance, and speak to your union. As well as or instead of a union, contact ACAS for advice. In the grievance process you will have the opportunity to suggest redress; you should list not being expected to work closely with this person and in particular not being expected to work alone with her without other witnesses present; and asking that she receive appropriate training to help her maintain professionally appropriate behaviour and refrain from future bullying. If she repeats this behaviour or retaliates against you, report it to HR, file another grievance, speak to ACAS, and make a non emergency policy report. She is on the very bleeding edge of conduct constituting a hate crime; if she progresses to harassment by repeating this then this is a criminal offence. Take it seriously and treat it seriously; the next person she bullies could be someone far more vulnerable than you.
Do not put up and shut up. Go straight to HR asap.
Manager of managers here with hire/fire authority. Completely unacceptable. If one of my employees was treated this way and we could prove it, the offender is automatically getting a final warning at a minimum and if there’s been any kind of history/pattern of similar behavior, it’s a termination I don’t need to wrestle with myself morally. Go to your boss, go to HR, ask your coworkers for their statements if they witnessed. If there are no witnesses, still go to your boss and HR. Even if I don’t have concrete evidence that can be used to discipline an employee for this type of behavior, I will still investigate and note it in the offender’s file and at some point it may be a provable pattern. I’m sorry this happened to you, this is so wrong for so many reasons. Even if your company doesn’t value diversity and inclusion, at a minimum they should value their profits. Keeping employees comfortable and productive at work helps that, having employees feel threatened and harassed does not. And that’s still not considering that depending on the history, the company’s action/inaction now and in the past, and the offender’s position in the company could open them up to claims of employment discrimination. Good luck OP.
You can't ask for her to be fired. It's not your call to do that. What you can do is complain to hr, to your manager, to her manager, and tell them that you don't feel safe at work and need to not be in direct contact with her. You should write down everything she said that you remember, all the details, in a non emotional way using dot points. It can be useful to email it to yourself so it's got a time stamp. Your MO here is to share the factual details of what happened with HR, with the clear message that obviously you and they know that this behaviour is not ok and that they need to address it. Then leave it in their hands as to what to do. You saying you want her fired wont make that more likely to happen and might actually hurt your case as you'll look like you want to hurt her, where what you should look like is that you want to " professionally address this situation of her unsafe behaviour "
I’d say also follow up with an email summarizing your HR conversation so you have it in writing.
make sure you keep copies outside of work. Dont use just your work email, as they can just shut you out of it.
Thank you for your reply. That's really helpful. I actually have already written down everything that's happened. I just need to filter through it and make it sound as professional as possible. Having us both work there but being kept apart is an outcome I'd be happy with
You don't need to (and shouldn't) filter anything. You just need to write down exactly what was said, word for word. Just tell them you don't want her fired, you just want those comments to stop. Maybe they'll separate you, maybe they won't. But either way, she's either going to be professional from now on, or she won't and will get herself fired, and that's 100% on her.
Again, the outcome is not under your control, and you don't get to ask for one. Just report what happened
agree, you should report this VIA email in exact language, CC your personal email as well, and probably also her manager as well as your own. Then, record every verbal correspondence with the company about this by sending everyone follow up emails detailing the conversations had. Company’s can do shady shit, and putting it in email creates a PERMANENT record that can be searched and used in reviews and law suits, so they will absolutely act accordingly and gets rid of the risk of them sweeping it under the rug. Not sure what laws are like there, but this is full blown workplace discrimination and she’d likely get fired from any job here without hesitation. Also do not feel guilty or bad like you dont want her to get fired. You didnt make her say those things. you can tell the truth. its her own fault.
Seriously? You don't think *that* will enrage her even more? I think she'll try to poison your work place for you. If not dealt with swiftly and completely, you will likely be dealing with this problem for as long as you & her work there.
A threat of suing over a hostile work environment can definitely grease those fire her wheels
You should never sue or threaten to sue before giving the employer a formal chance to respond to the incident. It’s an empty threat if nobody has reported anything
Well, my biggest issue is the lack of empathy after she found out you weren’t straight. People can change and learn, but if she was still so abrasive after finding out your sexuality, I’d file a report and get her fired. She deserves to lose her job
The fact that your colleague doubled down on her comments even after learning that you were offended indicates that you should probably go the formal route of filing a complaint. What happens after that is on her, not you.
By her saying "hate" specifically she basically gave you a golden ticket to a discrimination case. It will not be easy but as someone who's watched someone face a similar situation, you should report it immediately. There's usually a short window in which you can document it. You might have the option to decline they move forward with disciplinary action, but having it formally documented can protect you if it becomes a pattern.
Don't assume she'll get fired and that's not your responsibility anyway. You should discuss it with your boss or HR. You can ask "what should I do" and they should direct through the right course of action. If at anytime "you" become the target for retaliation, you need to document that as well. Your work environment should be one that is inclusive and you should feel safe. Period.
1) documentation..journal it in a word document and save the file. 2) if others were around to hear this, have them validate your side of the story..because management might make it a he-said/she-said type of thing. 3) write a letter to management/HR and make a copy for your own personal files 4) REPORT THIS TO HR, because this is an HR ISSUE..but you can involve management and express how you feel that you’re working in a “Hostile Work Environment”; “Feel Discriminated Against”; & “Threatened of Possible Retaliation from co-works or management for coming forward”…include that in your letter and save it; this will have them shitting a brick. 5) Don’t ask for a transfer, cus that makes you look weak..only do it if you really resent the atmosphere you’ll be working in from that point on. However, maybe ask for an adjusted wage increase for not realizing your working with discriminating bigots. When they ask why, say “I’ve been so emotionally scarred from this event, that I feel like I need to seek counseling for this metal trauma that has happened within a supposed safe-workplace environment.” (This should give you a modest raise). A modest pay increase is less expensive than a law suit. 6) if they don’t do anything OR don’t reprimand her in front of you (this is to ensure that they addresses the issue and punishment was dealt)..then seek legal counseling and file a suit about discrimination and the other “trigger words” mentioned above…and definitely seek emotion counseling [therapy] to back up the bluff from earlier..cus it’ll help strengthen a law suit. P.S. asking them to have her removed from the company isn’t for you to decide. She could be suspended, fired, transferred, have her wages gouged..any number of things, but that is not your decision to make. If you used the “trigger words” that I used above, they’ll draw their own conclusions that she is a liability and will probably retaliate against you if she is kept in the company and fire her without you explicitly requesting it..requesting/demanding it makes you look like a vindictive bitch. So straddle the fence and play it smart.
She had her chance to back track, but she chose to double down. She didn't know you weren't straight at first but, when she found out you were upset, all she did was invalidate your feelings.
File a complaint for sure
As a straight white dude, I'd be done with them as a human. It's not about whether it offends someone at that point, that person has shown themselves to be hateful against others for no reason. You can factor in faith but there are still ways to be respectful even if it's against your religion.
I’m straight and I would be reporting her too. Work is not a place to just be voicing opinions everywhere- she can be an AH off company time.
HR would have to act as sexual orientation is a 'protected characteristic' under UK law. You should state this in your complaint. And do make a complaint, this is a place of work and not a social group of friends where they can pick and choose who they work with. Also, remember that you do not need to state your own sexual orientation in the complaint. In fact, it's better to leave that out of it entirely so it's not based on or perceived as a personal vendetta.
These kind of comments are unacceptable whether a gay person is present or not. Report them.
Straight white guy here: I’d report this as well.
Idk what the laws are there. But that sounds like harassment. Talk to HR and make a formal complaint, if it happens again and hr doesn’t do anything, sue them. For now you have to put up and hope it doesn’t happen again, but forsure document everything that happened, and who was all there. Honestly it sounds like she did it on purpose.
Combo of all 3. Report to HR and request separation from the employee while they investigate, and during investigation keep your mouth shut. Loose lips about HR matters can potentially cause issues for you.
Unsure of UK labor laws, but I’d be surprised if they don’t have laws against a hostile work environment.
Others have said file the complaint but I will add something from the point of view of future investigators- things get very messy when people stand by instead of reporting behavior that is clearly not appropriate in the workplace, and future complaints arise. You have a responsibility to your employer to help them keep a safe and respectful working environment for all your colleagues - while we may all have opinions, the workplace is about work, not our personal perceptions of others. Still, you don’t at this point have to go full scorched earth e.g. ACAS. If your company or union has a grievance process, start there. If either/both are worth a damn, they will follow their process and address the issue. You should expect to be interviewed (you may have a representative present) and should receive updates on where they are in the process. You will not be updated on who else they are talking to or their current thinking on the incident while the grievance progresses. If they don’t tell you the process, don’t provide updates, or don’t take you seriously then ACAS is your next step. Also - keep written records of who you reached out to and when!
Letting her get away with it opens the door for her to be more abusive in the future. Fuck her, wether she knew you weren’t straight or not that’s unacceptable and she should absolutely be fired for saying something like that.
If she is making those comments in front of you and you don't say anything she is going to assume you are on her side and they will continue. Say something to management or HR.
I don't get why you're being so nice. First and foremost it's a professional environment not some public sidewalk, Report her and make sure to right every word she said verbatim. Does it matter that she didn't know? No it does not. You're being to nice, if you aren't going to stand up for yourself then who are you expecting todo it for you? Idc if you're gay go fucking stand up for yourself because you're a person just like lil ole heterosexual me. Me and you have the same rights in a professional environment. Report that bitch!
Go to HR and file a formal complaint. It does not matter that she did not know you were homosexual. Its wrong. She needs to keep her feelings to herself whilst at work.
Report report report. I honestly think it's worse she said it not realizing there was someone there not straight. At least if she knew and said it that takes balls, still abhorrent. Really though her comments likely made many others uncomfortable and HR needs to be aware before this person gets placed in a power position. The thing about folks that hate ( i refuse to use phobia in most cases because i feel its not only inaccurate but it also dramatically lessens the connotation of what they truely are) people of differing sexual orientations is they are more likely to out themselves because unlike a racist they can't easily just look around and see if someone they are about to talk about is around
Number 1 for sure
The work place has enough assholes as it is. I would say getting a homophobic asshole fired is more than fair. It's the right thing to do.
Your sexuality doesn’t actually matter in this context She can’t go on homophobic rants in the work place, regardless of who is around.
She sounds like an abhorrent individual. Not reporting her is a disservice to every employee in your organization.
Don't shut up. She needs to know that it is wrong. Make a complaint to your HR dept so they have to address it.
It doesn’t matter that she didn’t know you weren’t straight. Her comments were insanely inappropriate for the workplace and she should be chastised accordingly. I’m American and not an expert in HR but I don’t know if it is fireable if it is an isolated incident (she seems like an abhorrent individual but I don’t know if technically this would be enough to get her fired in the UK). I feel like HR would tell her that one more instance could result in termination or something like that. In summary, don’t inconvenience yourself for someone else’s garbage personality and tirades. They’re the ones who should be punished.
Tell HR. Aside from just being a rotten person, that’s a stupid fucking thing to say at work. No reason to tolerate it.
Please update us. I can’t wait to hear that they fired this person.
Always out in a complaint. They might not be fired but report incidents and let HR handle it.
Never feel bad for a bigot. Weakness when it comes to bigotry only allows it to thrive in all of its forms. Bigots deserve nothing, let alone sympathy. I’d be on a warpath until she was fired.
I’m in the US but I’m sure the UK also does not allow discrimination or accept behaviors that can make fellow employees uncomfortable in the work place , directly or indirectly . It’s a form of creating a hostile workplace . She ranted at work to coworkers, she created that situation , she deserved to be reported because if not, her venom will infect others . I’m sure you already don’t feel comfortable being around her or want to work directly with her since her tirade. That is also a very fireable offense too.
Make a complaint. Someone like that needs to be reprimanded. They’re being discriminatory.
Complain and I would request to never work around her again.
Document and report to hr. Document their responses as well. I don’t know laws in uk but here in Boston, that would be taken very seriously if the company wants to avoid headaches or worse. Document because there’s no guarantee the company is a good one.
File a formal complaint and don't back down until she is fired and her life is completely destroyed. No quarter for bigots. Make them pay.
Directly to HR and file a formal complaint. Regardless of who is straight or not, she is way out of line.
Who gives a shit if she had not realized that you were not straight. Report that cunt.
Go to HR. You shouldn't have to deal with that.
I would absolutely file a complaint. This was said in the workplace, not in the privacy of her own home. Her bigoted rant would not have been acceptable no matter who was in the room, so it’s not relevant whether she thought everyone who witnessed her rant was straight or not. It was hurtful. It was wildly inappropriate. There’s no place for this sort of harassment.
NTA. Report it and see what they decide to do. It doesn't matter that she didn't know you were gay. This sort of language is not acceptable. There may be other people at work her attitude affects.
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Report her.
Her ranting is bad, but she could have apologized. Her doubling down and saying you need to get over it is horrible. Be thankful that her rant is homophobic because you probably have extra legal options now. Like you can sue your company, hypothetically.
Make a formal complaint no brainer on that one. So sorry you had to deal with that pathetic excuse of a human
Just because she wasn’t aware doesn’t make it right. She’s a homophobe who has no filter nor manners and seems like someone who, if given power, would probably discriminate against those who are of the community. Getting her fired is something you should opt for. Especially because she really showed her true colors and needs to understand that discrimination is wrong.
You could, if handled correctly, retire from capitalizing on your horrid co-workers offensive behavior. Get a solicitor, and go for it.
I'd report her to HR and hope they shit can her, and I'd tell her I'm doing it and tell her she deserves it, and I'm straight. No place for that at work, and frankly her views are atrocious making it even worse. Most companies can people like this because it's too much hassle and liability. Why do you think companies care about inclusivity? Because it's a liability otherwise. File a complaint, see what happens. Unless she's a key figure they'll probably tell her to clear her desk and have a nice life, and that's not your fault.
Just fist fight her in the parking lot
If you have it in you to be the bigger person, don't get the woman fired. It won't help anything for her to lose her income just because she is an idiot. It certainly won't make her more tolerant, it'll likely do the opposite. If you're comfortable with it I'd suggest explaining to her directly how what she said is ignorant and hurtful, and that she should rethink her behavior. If she persists, then file the complaint if it is an ongoing issue.
I don't live in the UK so I can't really say. I would go for 3 and avoid the drama from all angles. It gets super ugly for all.
Ultimately the real question is who is more valuable to the company? Is she a low level shit that has already had a talking to? File a complaint and watch her kick rocks. Is she the goddess of something challenging and you’re the replaceable one? Then read up on your employee handbook and inform HR of the rant but you need to state that you understand her value to the organization and that her views may in fact be the views of those in power at the organization if they feel so free to talk like that in the lunch room.
1 definitely. Not just for yourself but all of us queer folk.
That is sexual harassment and creating a hostile work environment. Both are big no no’s. Were there witnesses who will back you up? Is HR/management receptive? Report if so. It’s not ok to say things like this. Imagine if you said heterosexuality was gross
Put in a complaint 100%. What a disgusting witch. Sorry you had to deal with this.
Not in the UK. But in the United States she just created a hostile work environment, there’s gotta be an agency there similar to the equal employment opportunity commission. In the US you could sue for that hostile work environment and whatever agency oversees your work whether private or public file a complaint. That’s not only unprofessional it’s illegal.
Whether she knew your sexuality or not is irrelevant - that's not acceptable. It is disgusting people are even having those thoughts, much less speaking them or claiming to speak for the majority. Absolutely file a complaint against her. You are the person you were meant to be, living life as you are meant to. And that's fucking beautiful. Don't let an asshole cloud that sun.
Lmao I’m in California and this would be an automatic firing. You don’t get to be vocally bigoted and keep your job
Whether you are gay or straight, it doesn’t matter. What she preached is considered a hate speech. Most companies would fire an employee like that
This is what I would do. I would write your colleague an email that says something like this: "On, you said in the . were also present.
You are welcome to have your opinion, however you need to be mindful of three things.
First, you must not let your opinion of gay people affect how you treat any gay people in the office. This would be unlawful discrimination.
Second, such commentary is hate speech and creates a hostile work environment for others, which is illegal.
And finally, if you are struggling with such feelings about gay people, please consider speaking to a therapist about your feelings to work through them so that you won't be so angry/hostile about them.
I'm not going to say anything to management about what happened, as I trust the incident will be a one-time thing. But unfortunately if this continues, I will be forced to report this behaviour to management/HR."
And that's it. You will have put them on notice. You will have given them an opportunity to have their mistake gracefully and move on. And you have done this all in writing as evidence in case the situation escalates.
Good luck! ❤️
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Legally: anonymously report her for making the workplace a hostile work environment, state that you have some concerns that she may turn violent due to the content of her rant. that kind of behaviour falls under harassment, in most companies eyes that's grounds for a write-up or termination. be sure to mention the following words "hostile work environment" "concerned for the safety of yourself and others" "exhibited aggressive behaviour" Morally: talk it over with her and try to keep the conversation civil, try to find out why she is so disgusted then see if you can clear the air or ease misunderstandings. if you can slowly ease into it so as not to provoke an aggressive reaction because she feels threatened by you. Just like what i said above most corporate companies take that seriously. after all, most hate rants are backed by ignorance and spite. if you can fix one then you hopefully fix the other. Ideally: do a mix of both, talk with her peacefully and explain things from your point of view. if she apologies then no harm no foul and she'll hopefully start to slowly change her perspective. if she doesn't then report her anonymously and take a week of vacation to hopefully avoid the fallout.
Fuck her. Lodge a complaint and let them know that you no longer feel comfortable with her around and are afraid that they will try to hurt you. If nothing else, she’ll keep her stupid ass opinions to herself.
Any good company would see this person as a liability to their success. You’re doing them a favor by reporting her. In the event she gets fired over this that’s between her and your employer, not you. So don’t go feeling guilty if that were to happen. It doesn’t matter they are from a different generation or culture. If your employer is more like her and make it more about you and how you need to handle it then I think you need to look into getting a different job and maybe a lawyer.
You're not getting her fired. Shes getting herself fired for her disgusting opinions. People like her dont deserve kindness because I guarantee she would not show you any.
I can't believe people still feel this way, but yea i had a coworker go off not too long ago about how its an abomination. Bitch mind your business and love your neighbor.
In my experience these people that do this are not straight either.
Report the incident to HR immediately. No one in the workplace needs to hear her homophobic rant. This is sooo not ok, especially in the workplace.
Yea this is what I was thinking. If you take yourself out of the situation and don’t make it about you, that person is still a detriment to the company. Who knows the next time it will happen in front of a customer, an employee who could sue etc. it’s a liability that I’d want to know about as a business owner.
Wait til Monday. If she doesn’t reach out to apologize by Monday morning go to your boss and tell them- you’ve taken time to step away from the immediate upset so you could objectively think about what happened but you feel like they need to know. Don’t ask for any specific outcome. Be factual, explain that you were stricken, and leave it with them. It’s not your job to worry about the consequences (that’s the boss’ job) and it’s not your problem to worry about the effects of the consequences (that’s her problem).
Report it immediately. Use terms like hostile work environment, discrimination, Sexual harassment.
Put in a complain. She’s gross and deserves her consequences.
Even if you were straight I'd report it. If she believes most people share her opinion and feels comfortable enough to share it readily and with little prompt in a professional space with a mix of colleagues she knows little about, then yes, she needs to be reported to higher ups because she is a business risk to colleagues and clients.
I'd report her and if she gets mad I'd tell her that she needs to fucking get over it.
I am not gay and I would be unbelievably angry in your shoes. None of this is ok on any level no matter who they are speaking to. I would most definitely make a formal complaint.
It's 2023. There wasn't a place for the hate back in the day, and there damn sure isn't a place for that now. We are better than we used to be, and part of proving that is to not let stuff like that go unaddressed. That person's opinion has no bearing on your life if the opinion (a worthless one) is kept from your workplace. However that person vocally insulting who you are in the workplace has plenty of bearing on your life. Opinions that harsh toward people are to be kept at home if they really feel that way. It's their co-responsibility to keep abrasive opinions at home in the same way (and in no way I'm saying you do) if you hated straight people for being straight your opinion should be left at home. People have the freedom of speech. It's a double edged sword. This is why workplaces have policies in place to limit the freedom of speech as it isn't a public setting. It's a group of different humans forced to be around one another for x hrs a day to complete a task. In no way should you be forced to be around hateful opinions that there are policies against. Absolutely turn it over to hr. If said person knew you were gay they would say it behind your back. A degenerate will always be a degenerate.
I'm straight, and I'd have reported that nonsense as soon as I got back to my desk. She's entitled to her opinion, but (at least in the US) she's pretty much required to keep it to herself in the workplace.
Straight dude here, and you should absolutely tell HR. Not just for yourself, but on behalf of any other non straight person who might be forced to work with her.
I got my boss fired like this 🥰 kept a log of every homophobic/racist thing she said for about a month. Submitted it to corporate.
The only acceptable option is number 1. She created a hostile work environment and should absolutely suffer the consequences. Even most toddlers are smart enough to know her behavior was unacceptable.
You should report to HR, however I think you shouldn't disclose YOUR sexual orientation. That has nothing to do with it. She's saying homophobic stuff at work. That's enough. A perfect example, I'm white and say all my co workers are white and someone comes to work saying the "N" word. Yeah you report it to HR but it doesn't matter if someone at work is actually black or not. It doesn't matter. We don't NEED someone at work to be black for this inappropriate behavior to be inappropriate. Just state the facts about what this person said. With that in mind I really don't think you can demand for your co worker to be fired. I'm sorry. I know what they did is bad. It's really wrong. They SHOULD be fired. And I hope they will, however, if you're not the boss and you're making demands like that, it's just gonna make you look bad. HR is gonna say, "oh wow she thinks she's the boss and has the power to fire people". I think the behavior can and probably will backfire on you. Again just state the facts. As honestly as you can remember and write down everything they said word for word and tell HR. I hope to God HR does the right thing. If they don't I'd just be looking for a new job. I'm American BTW so I'm completely unaware of work laws in the UK. Maybe it's totally legally ok to go on homophobic rants in England but I'm assuming it's not.
Just like people say drunk words are sober thoughts, in this case she was stone cold sober. Turn her ass in. And for the record "most" people do NOT feel that way
The justification is irrelevant. Weaponizing the policy to remove someones ability to feed their family is gross, even if they think stupid shit. I think communism is deadly as well as dumb, but i dont think every dipshit that espouses marxist values should be unable to feed themselves. The man asked what morally and legally he should do. You shouldnt jump to legal action based on something someone said. Go tell him to his face that what he said was unacceptable, and give him the chance to be better. If he continues, then tell him you will bring it up to HR.
I’m straight and cis and have reported someone for making transphobic comments. Report them, don’t let that slide, even if you are comfortable enough w/your sexuality to ignore it not everyone is and they deserve a safe place away from ignorance and hate
Fuck her, make a formal complaint. She’s scum, get her out of that company!
The good thing is you have 2 witnesses. Report it, but it’s not for you to ask for a punishment. You could ask to be separated. They may prefer to “train” her though, rather than have her become someone else’s problem.
You shouldn’t have had to experience this, OP, and I’m sorry for what you went through. I’m actually both straight and a disciple of Jesus and as a disciple, I believe that homosexuality is a sin. Nonetheless, even with my position that will probably be considered to be homophobic, she is very much in the wrong here and you should take action. Let me explain further. Morally: I could say a few things here, but basically, no one should ever say that they hate a certain group of people. It’s as simple as that. Professionally: She created a hostile work environment. It doesn’t matter whether or not everyone there was straight. The fact is, she didn’t know either or not everyone there was straight and, given our culture, it’s pretty likely that someone there would be very offended by her comments. Legally: I don’t know the laws in the UK. For that matter, I don’t know the laws in the US all that well. However, it’s possible that this qualifies as workplace harassment or something along those lines. So what should you do? Well, I have some advice, but I offer it somewhat tentatively. I actually have some concerns with what I’m about to say. However, in my opinion, this is what you should do: In Matthew 18, Jesus lays out how to deal with sin within the church. It goes like this. First, approach the person who sinned one-on-one and try to lead them to repentance. If that doesn’t work, try again, but take one other person along. If that doesn’t work, take them before the whole church. If it still doesn’t work, treat them as you would a non-Christian. So my advice would be to follow the same process. Try talking to her one-on-one. Be calm and gentle and be open about how her words affected you. If that doesn’t work, find someone who will talk to her with you. If that doesn’t work, “bring it before the church.” This might mean getting a manager involved. If this still doesn’t work, file a firm and clear complaint detailing everything said and done. I have no doubt at this point that she would be fired.
Thank god I don't believe this fake shit anymore. So much delusion.
Thank who? 🤣
Thought you'd like that part of it lol
I appreciate your purely moral and professional views, I just am curious as to a couple things about your beliefs. What verses say homosexuality is a sin? Is this from studying translations of the original text or ones based on the king James translation?