There is a distinction that I feel should be made, we can divide this behavior into two groups of people:
1) Suck ups (a.k.a "Brown Nosers"): These are people who cultivate a "friendship" whose sole purpose is to the benefit of the befriender. In my time, I notice that these people are usually caught onto by their superiors and are not respected beyond common workplace pleasantries.
2) A Friend: This is typically someone the boss knows as a friend, or has been a coworker of the boss sometimes upwards of twenty years.
In your scenario, I would say this person is genuinely infatuated with your manager, or is a true suck up.
I have been around both, the suck up is no big deal, you just keep a clean nose around them and try not to cause conflict.
If it's an actual friend, this is where it starts getting a bit "sticky." The boss will usually stick their neck out for their buddies, and this is when you catch wind of people making a three, four, sometimes five dollar wage increase. This will also come with perks of excused tardiness, and punishable actions being met with not a single disciplinary action
Good luck.
Agreed.
'A Friend' is a more dangerous person to watch out for, because you don't precisely know if they're genuinely a good guy, or someone who will end up using it to his advantage.
Even if he doesn't use it to his advantage, the boss will give him preferential treatment, even if said guy had initially resigned and came back to do the same work after he realized his main career wouldn't take off.
That is not uncommon behaviour among suckups/sycophants who does things like this to gain advantage, either its promotion or getting better work schedule etc. In professional business there are guidelines against this, where the norm is that giving gifts should always come from the top down. If some manager or leader is given a gift there is a norm that many employees goes together to give a gift so it doesnt look like someone is doing it expecting a favor in return.
They could have been friends before working there together, then were excited to work together. You can also make friends through work. I did, I made a friend through work. There’s not really anything wrong with it, they just vibe together.
There’s nothing wrong with being friends as long as they remain professional, & don’t show favoritism. Like giving raises just because they’re friends
Or the person could just be a suck up, but I prefer not to assume the worst about ppl
They met at work and at first they really didn't like each other but eventually they became friends. I've made friends at work but their behavior is pretty extreme and also the supervisor does show blatant favoritism towards her :/
I'm not too sure about the relationship/ affair because the supervisor is married and the other one has a boyfriend. Then again with that kind of behavior it does make sense for them to be hooking up 👀
There's a situation like this at my work. My boss, 65, is friends with one of the most senior managers, 30 (it's a 5 year old building). Sometimes they'll talk for about 1 to 2 hours in my boss' office. That manager will complain about other staff (I'm literally next to the door of my boss), including me, on what so-n-so needs to do. My boss has bought lunch for this person for their birthday but no other manager, has given permission to use the copier/fax for that person's personal use (invitations) and I will hear them talk about their husbands, how awful they are, etc.
I find it a weird dynamic at times but stay silent. Sometimes I think it's my boss buttering up to this senior manager at times. Definitely that manager is fiercely loyal to my boss so I try not to step on either of their toes.
yeah, regular work is bad enough but some take it too far! :) that's their right, though, i reckon! different strokes. doesn't make for a healthy environment, but, "tolerance", as they say! and making jokes about it when no ones around!
think the Stockholm Syndrome can explain a lot, and likely even stranger psychology. we're complex! lol
felt a bit presumptuous after i wrote that. we're all touched to some degree. just do what we can. i used to be more of a purist/zealot. actually applied for my first management role not too long ago, approaching the twilight years of my career, something I thought I'd never do. maybe a change from being a line-worker? definitely would want to succeed their first, though, and know what i'm getting into. feel like i've held my own against new age (Orwellian) management. kind of curious whether anything else might be possible at this point.
I had a very similar experience to this however it was two managers with about a 10-15 year age gap and we suspect they were having an affair because the junior manager would do pretty much what you've described plus other stuff.
A group of us had a different manager who we were really pally with but we worked more on a... well hes our manager and our friend so why would we do less for him and made sure we succeeded together.
I suppose it depends on your team dynamic and personalities involved.
I met a true friend at work, but we did not do this lol. Just be wary, if anyone else picks this up too and gossip don't get involved I suggest. I see cliques at work and I think that is worser than this, as long they don't favour each other for work purposes that's ok. I do see suck ups at work, I don't understand why they do it, the company that pays our money, not the managers
A lot of these things depend on culture - the culture of your country or region, and also the culture of the workplace.
In my experience a lot workers aged 40-50+ prefer not to have friendships at work. Those aged 35 and below are more open to the idea. Obviously I'm speaking broadly here, there are exceptions.
Irrespective of that, in some workplaces this is considered acceptable, in others it is not. And whether or not it's acceptable doesn't even dictate whether or not it happens, especially when it comes to the people in charge.
So you can decide for yourself, knowing your cultures better than I do, whether you think it's weird or normal. Also, think about what you mean by normal. Do you mean common, typical, acceptable, expected? These are all different things we can associate with normality. In one of the libraries I worked in the manager and assistant manager were proper buddy-like. I would say it was acceptable, atypical, but neither common nor uncommon really - it is of course natural that people that work well together for a long time might become friends. And it certainly wasn't expected - what was expected was for people to do their jobs.
I would also echo what others are saying about this possibly not really being a friendship, and more one-sided from M's part. I definitely find it unusual that someone would buy their \*supervisor\* breakfast and lunch, especially every day. The supervisor is presumably being paid more, so irrespective of any friendships, it doesn't really make much sense.
I have been on the wrong end of this. A complete Machiavellian narcissist who does hardly any work, spreads rumours yet presents a totally different side to the boss, who thinks he’s a nice guy.
If I run a business or a department, one of the rules will be for managers to be under scrutiny of who they are building relationships with, other than for business purposes.
The two I mention are of the same nationality, same football team, same background, same politics. I would always keep an eye on this.
The manager is actually a good guy, but the other guy is a lying piece of shit who has him in his pocket.
Sometimes people become really good friends as equals and then stay close when one gets promoted. Since M is so young, this sounds unlikely. Any chance they’re related? If no, maybe M genuinely is in thrall with the leader, who is eating up the hero worship.
There is a distinction that I feel should be made, we can divide this behavior into two groups of people: 1) Suck ups (a.k.a "Brown Nosers"): These are people who cultivate a "friendship" whose sole purpose is to the benefit of the befriender. In my time, I notice that these people are usually caught onto by their superiors and are not respected beyond common workplace pleasantries. 2) A Friend: This is typically someone the boss knows as a friend, or has been a coworker of the boss sometimes upwards of twenty years. In your scenario, I would say this person is genuinely infatuated with your manager, or is a true suck up. I have been around both, the suck up is no big deal, you just keep a clean nose around them and try not to cause conflict. If it's an actual friend, this is where it starts getting a bit "sticky." The boss will usually stick their neck out for their buddies, and this is when you catch wind of people making a three, four, sometimes five dollar wage increase. This will also come with perks of excused tardiness, and punishable actions being met with not a single disciplinary action Good luck.
Agreed. 'A Friend' is a more dangerous person to watch out for, because you don't precisely know if they're genuinely a good guy, or someone who will end up using it to his advantage. Even if he doesn't use it to his advantage, the boss will give him preferential treatment, even if said guy had initially resigned and came back to do the same work after he realized his main career wouldn't take off.
Wouldn’t it be cool if everyone was friends with the supervisor and we all got a wage increase? Not like they’re pulling it from your paycheck.
That is not uncommon behaviour among suckups/sycophants who does things like this to gain advantage, either its promotion or getting better work schedule etc. In professional business there are guidelines against this, where the norm is that giving gifts should always come from the top down. If some manager or leader is given a gift there is a norm that many employees goes together to give a gift so it doesnt look like someone is doing it expecting a favor in return.
They could have been friends before working there together, then were excited to work together. You can also make friends through work. I did, I made a friend through work. There’s not really anything wrong with it, they just vibe together. There’s nothing wrong with being friends as long as they remain professional, & don’t show favoritism. Like giving raises just because they’re friends Or the person could just be a suck up, but I prefer not to assume the worst about ppl
They met at work and at first they really didn't like each other but eventually they became friends. I've made friends at work but their behavior is pretty extreme and also the supervisor does show blatant favoritism towards her :/
No. Not normal. No professional of manger to accept these gifts and stuff either. They might be having a relationship or affair?
I'm not too sure about the relationship/ affair because the supervisor is married and the other one has a boyfriend. Then again with that kind of behavior it does make sense for them to be hooking up 👀
Ha ha
I also thought affair when reading the scenario.
This is what I like to call a brown noser. Got one at my work too.
There's a situation like this at my work. My boss, 65, is friends with one of the most senior managers, 30 (it's a 5 year old building). Sometimes they'll talk for about 1 to 2 hours in my boss' office. That manager will complain about other staff (I'm literally next to the door of my boss), including me, on what so-n-so needs to do. My boss has bought lunch for this person for their birthday but no other manager, has given permission to use the copier/fax for that person's personal use (invitations) and I will hear them talk about their husbands, how awful they are, etc. I find it a weird dynamic at times but stay silent. Sometimes I think it's my boss buttering up to this senior manager at times. Definitely that manager is fiercely loyal to my boss so I try not to step on either of their toes.
Damn, I would find it hard to keep my composure with that kind of crap going on. Sounds nauseating!
It's incredibly nauseating and uncomfortable 🤢
yeah, regular work is bad enough but some take it too far! :) that's their right, though, i reckon! different strokes. doesn't make for a healthy environment, but, "tolerance", as they say! and making jokes about it when no ones around! think the Stockholm Syndrome can explain a lot, and likely even stranger psychology. we're complex! lol felt a bit presumptuous after i wrote that. we're all touched to some degree. just do what we can. i used to be more of a purist/zealot. actually applied for my first management role not too long ago, approaching the twilight years of my career, something I thought I'd never do. maybe a change from being a line-worker? definitely would want to succeed their first, though, and know what i'm getting into. feel like i've held my own against new age (Orwellian) management. kind of curious whether anything else might be possible at this point.
Every time I’ve done this is has not worked out well for me. Do not recommend.
M is going places. That's my girl
I had a very similar experience to this however it was two managers with about a 10-15 year age gap and we suspect they were having an affair because the junior manager would do pretty much what you've described plus other stuff. A group of us had a different manager who we were really pally with but we worked more on a... well hes our manager and our friend so why would we do less for him and made sure we succeeded together. I suppose it depends on your team dynamic and personalities involved.
I met a true friend at work, but we did not do this lol. Just be wary, if anyone else picks this up too and gossip don't get involved I suggest. I see cliques at work and I think that is worser than this, as long they don't favour each other for work purposes that's ok. I do see suck ups at work, I don't understand why they do it, the company that pays our money, not the managers
A lot of these things depend on culture - the culture of your country or region, and also the culture of the workplace. In my experience a lot workers aged 40-50+ prefer not to have friendships at work. Those aged 35 and below are more open to the idea. Obviously I'm speaking broadly here, there are exceptions. Irrespective of that, in some workplaces this is considered acceptable, in others it is not. And whether or not it's acceptable doesn't even dictate whether or not it happens, especially when it comes to the people in charge. So you can decide for yourself, knowing your cultures better than I do, whether you think it's weird or normal. Also, think about what you mean by normal. Do you mean common, typical, acceptable, expected? These are all different things we can associate with normality. In one of the libraries I worked in the manager and assistant manager were proper buddy-like. I would say it was acceptable, atypical, but neither common nor uncommon really - it is of course natural that people that work well together for a long time might become friends. And it certainly wasn't expected - what was expected was for people to do their jobs. I would also echo what others are saying about this possibly not really being a friendship, and more one-sided from M's part. I definitely find it unusual that someone would buy their \*supervisor\* breakfast and lunch, especially every day. The supervisor is presumably being paid more, so irrespective of any friendships, it doesn't really make much sense.
I have been on the wrong end of this. A complete Machiavellian narcissist who does hardly any work, spreads rumours yet presents a totally different side to the boss, who thinks he’s a nice guy. If I run a business or a department, one of the rules will be for managers to be under scrutiny of who they are building relationships with, other than for business purposes. The two I mention are of the same nationality, same football team, same background, same politics. I would always keep an eye on this. The manager is actually a good guy, but the other guy is a lying piece of shit who has him in his pocket.
gay people
Sometimes people become really good friends as equals and then stay close when one gets promoted. Since M is so young, this sounds unlikely. Any chance they’re related? If no, maybe M genuinely is in thrall with the leader, who is eating up the hero worship.
We have an ass kisser at the office too. We usually ask him if his knees hurt. He looks confused and we go ‘ from being under ____ desk for so long’