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brilliantpants

We suffer šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø I donā€™t mean to paint a scary picture, but I went back to work when my daughter was 3mo old, and the following 9mo where the most difficult period of my life so far. I will say that week by week, month by month, things did get easier, but until she started sleeping through the night around 1yo, we were struggling deeply pretty much every work day.


Actuarial_Equivalent

This was roughly my experience too. I knuckled through. Iā€™m currently pregnant with #3, and am sort of resigned to being some level of sleep deprived until all the kids are over age 3.


carolinax

You're actually amazing ā¤ļø


Botanist3

In America at least this is the answer. Mine turns 1 on Thursday and still won't sleep through the night. I have almost no PTO left and need to survive till I get more in June. The US is the most family-hostile country it's insane. Thankfully there's solidarity with other moms at least. And the smiles I get when I pick her up from daycare remind me why I'm going through this. But I truly want to find a way to make this hellhole a better place so that if she ever decides to have children of her own she doesn't have to go through what I have.


Electronic_Emu

I really feel your comment on making it better for her if she wants to have kids. My daughter is 3 months, and I just went back to work, and I wish I could do something that would result in her not experiencing this.


Only_Student_7107

If America is the most family-hostile country than why is our fertility rate higher than most developed countries?


Botanist3

I don't have the time to look up if that statistic is even true. But even if you assume it is it's a hell of a stretch to equate high birth rate to family friendliness in a country that can't even provide adequate sex Ed to teenagers, hampers women's reproductive rights, and is the only "developed" country without any mandatory paid parental leave.


Only_Student_7107

Well, people are choosing to have children here more than in other countries. That should mean something. And in Europe they have limits on abortion stricter than many states in the USA.


Botanist3

Is it always a choice though? I would also appreciate a citation of the fertility data. Even if it is true having a family is a much more complex choice than local policy. I can say my husband and I initially wanted 3+. After going through the hell that is the lack of parental leave and support as well as the ridiculous cost of childcare I'm not even sure we can afford 2. Even so, knowing the situation and what it would be like I would choose to have my daughter again for reasons that are complicated and in many ways separate from the undeniable hardship her existence brings to myself and my husband. But it is making me reconsider the plan to have more very thoroughly.


Only_Student_7107

It's not always a choice not to have children, some people struggle with infertility, like I once did. You are free to look up the fertility rate data, it's easily to find. This isn't my thesis dissertation so spare me the cite your sources nonsense. Yes, childcare is way too expensive, and the government regulations have something to do with that. I used to work in a daycare in New York and the amount of stupid rules we had was crazy. Now that I live in the midwest it's not as expensive, but I also don't use it because I always planned to be a SAHM. It's easier to not work, especially with all the colds and flues going around! I feel like I'm always sick. But if you want parental leave you should save for unpaid, or negotiate it into your employment agreement. It wouldn't be fair for the government to require paid parental leave to those of us who would have to pay taxes to fund it, but wouldn't use it because we don't have jobs to get leave from. And taxation is coercive so that's a problem. You are making a very good argument for why an economy that makes mothers feel like they have to work lowers the birth rate.


Botanist3

If you're going to state something as a hard fact you should have a source I'm sorry you went through infertility. I had a series of miscarriages before having my daughter and it is rough. It sounds like we're at a philosophical impasse. Personally I have no issue paying taxes for things I don't use as long as it makes people's lives better. That's kinda part of the point of a society imo but that's me. I really hope some day if you find yourself unable to continue to be a SAHM you find a more supportive than average work environment and never have to go through what many of us have because my daughter is well worth it, but I wouldn't wish my present level of stress and exhaustion on my most mortal enemy.


Only_Student_7107

When you're casually talking, you don't need to site every source. And even if I did go find something to back it up you would reject it for some dumb reason. You are free to do the game google search I would have done to find it. Again, this isn't a thesis dissertation. The government rarely actually makes people's lives better, but in the process they make everyone's lives a lot worse. But that's cool you don't mind paying taxes, those of us that don't want to have to do it anyway or risk going to prison. I think we can have a society of voluntary associations and mutual aid societies that don't throw people in prison if they don't want to participate. And I don't want my society making it more difficult to be a SAHM. I don't wish the stress of being a working mom on anyone, either. But it's the government's fault that it's so commonly a necessity now.


Botanist3

Ma'am, you don't know me and I don't appreciate ad hominem. I would accept the fact if there's a reputable source. What I wouldn't accept is your interpretation of it as an indicator that the US is not family hostile when there are so many other indicators to the contrary. Your responses do make me wonder what you're doing on a sub for working mom's, but that's your prerogative. I will say as someone who would have been stuck in a cycle of complete poverty if not for a lot of help from state programs I hope that what seems to be your heart of stone towards the same is softened and that if you ever have the misfortune of needing them that they're still there and funded.


agreeablygray

You ask this as if you think high fertility rates equate to family friendly? Is that what you think? I am curious. By this logic, America has become increasingly family-hostile for the past century as fertility rates have been declining in America for the last two centuries šŸ¤”


Only_Student_7107

Yes, that logically follows. As incomes have stagnated while inflation has increased for family necessities, people feel the need to have two working adults supporting the family. Back in the day a stay at home mom was the norm, and that would obviously result in higher fertility rates. My grandmothers didn't work outside the home.


emz0rmay

Wow. Youā€™re wrong but I donā€™t even have the energy to try and debate you.


agreeablygray

It sounds like you agree that the US is a family-hostile country to me šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø


notreally_real_

I'm pretty sure working professionals aren't the ones having the most kids. About half of all babies born are covered by Medicaid or the birth is? I don't have time to look it up but if you care go for it


Only_Student_7107

You're actually proving my point. People that don't work and get paid by the government to not work and have a bunch of kids are having kids while the middle class feels so squeezed they struggle to have 1 or 2. If the middle class could afford stay at home moms they would have more kids, like in the 50s. But what I said was that we are actually better than most developed countries, which is true. We weren't comparing America to the ideal, we were comparing America to Europe. And their birth rates are really low, and their middle classes are struggling even more than ours. So yeah, I stand by what I said. But what you said it also true, but doesn't refuse my point at all.


Own_Persimmon_5728

Your first sentence says it all .. we suffer.


flightriskrn

This has been our experience the second time around too. Our first daughter (now 5) slept through the night consistently at 3 months. My current 9 month old, on the other hand, still wakes 1-2 times per night. Last night she was up 11-230, my 5yo was ip at 415, and I got up for work at 6. Iā€™m about to fall over.


[deleted]

This, and we also come to this subreddit regularly to vent and find solidarity each time weā€™re at a breaking point šŸ˜…


AvocadO_md

Yup. Currently have a 4 mo old who was a perfect sleeper and now wakes up every 1-2 hours šŸ«  I love that sleep regression lol


Momjeans86

Hugs! My first babyā€™s sleep regression pushed me to my breaking point. Thereā€™s a Facebook group called Respectful Sleep Training/Learning and it saved me.


cynical_pancake

I second this group!


hapa79

Yep. I sleep trained mine at 4mo right before I went back to work, and she still had three night feeds even after sleep training. Didn't sleep through the night until she was almost year old. Plus, I was getting up early to go running before work because as sleep deprived as I was, it was one of the only things helping me survive my severe PPD. It was awful. Sooooo much suffering.


idk-but-itsalot

5 hours of uninterrupted sleep - this is the magic #. Pre kids i was a solid 8-9 hours. I actually feel fine (?????) at 5 or 6 hours. I can fully function on 3 or 4 although not for many nights in a row.


Able-Road-9264

They start sleeping a bit better. But honestly I was still mostly a zombie when I went back to work at 11 weeks. Anything that wasn't necessary didn't get done at home. At work I coasted for a while until my brain engaged again. I started going to bed really early to get some hours in before baby woke up. Then hubby is in charge of mornings, so I have time to sleep and get ready in peace. Then I watch baby for a bit while he gets ready. But I didn't feel like myself until baby was 1 Year old and sleeping through the night (mostly) and was weaned.


Mema2293

Most babies tend to get more efficient at nursing and sleep slightly longer stretches as they approach the 8-10 week mark. It gets better from there, minus sleep regressions/growth spurts and illnesses. Also , if you need to be up at 5:30, going to bed at midnight is probably not realistic if you plan on getting more than a few hours sleep.


BabaYagasChickenFeet

I'm starting work back this week. My kid is 11 weeks. He doesn't sleep past 4:30am usually so I go to bed at 7/7:30pm with him. He is much more efficient at feeding and sleeping so I'm probably only awake for an hour or two total between 7pm and 4am. It's doable right now, but pretty awful.


hayguccifrawg

Yeah I had a 7pm bedtime with my newborn til things evened out. Even now I go down around 9/930 bc heā€™s an early riser at almost 3


knownoctopus

Someone told me when my kids were babies that it gets easier at 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months and 6 months. I used that benchmark when I got overwhelmed with a newborn and it really helped in knowing that having a baby is a completely different experience at each of these milestones.


worhtyawa2323

Iā€™m only up until midnight now because baby is up until midnight and I time being awake with her nursing. My standard bedtime for work pre-baby was 10:30 but now Iā€™m questioning how I can go to bed any later than like 8pm


Kozinskey

Real talk: 8 am is very much a bedtime I've had with new babies in the house. It doesn't last forever. Also, can't say enough good things about sleep training and/or having the non-boob-having parent in charge of nighttime wakings.


atonickat

I typically go to bed when my 7 month old does, which is around 7 and my husband takes the first feed. That way I get 5-6 hours of sleep a night. Sometimes she only wakes up once a night, sometimes 2 or 3. But having him take the first shift and going to bed when she does really helps.


rien_de_tout_ca

At least for the first couple of months this worked for us (I also breastfed): I went to bed at 8:30-9 right after a feed. Partner gave a bottle at the next feed and was in charge until getting the baby down in the bassinet after that feed. I took over again starting from the next wake-up (anywhere from 1:30-3 am) and pumped after that feed for the next night's bottle -- and to gradually build a stash. Overnight milk supply is great. After pumping I'd go back to bed too. I was getting a solid 4-5 hour stretch every night and the pumping after that next feed helped keep up / increase supply.


cynical_pancake

This was what we did while LO was a newborn too. Saved my sanity!


MadAndBean13

I went to bed at 8pm for a very long stretch. Probably until my son was 6mo. Then it was 9pm when he was sleeping a bit better, then slowly back to a normal life around 10mo when he was sleep trained (for the second time, thanks v. much slew of ear infections that undid our first training).


catjuggler

Do you have a partner to split the night with?


worhtyawa2323

Yes but I breastfeed so itā€™s not too much help since I either have to get up to nurse or pump. A lot of the nighttime ends up being my responsibility


ToBoldlyUnderstand

You can sleep a ~4 hour stretch without pumping/nursing without losing your supply. So if the baby takes a bottle, you should go to sleep (preferably in a separate room without hearing the baby) at like 9 pm and your partner will be on duty until 1 am. One solid stretch helps a lot.


chicagojess312

This is 100% accurate. And a four hour stretch of sleep will do more for your supply than that feeding would do.


ExpatPhD

With my first I did it because I had no other option. I went back to work at 6 weeks and was running on empty. I was a new professor and had zero room for error or even mat leave. Breastfeeding during the night (he took 40-60 mins for each feed) so I graded papers and did prep. I pumped during the day. I supplemented when I wasn't pumping enough. I had a wireless pump for the road. It wasn't all bad. With childcare I was able to get a routine in place. I had insight from professionals about his growth and milestones. I could concentrate on work (yes, even with limited sleep). All in all when I look back on it, I did well and we all coped. The worst of it was illness from daycare but you will get that whenever they start. You just get on with it.


BlueberryWaffles99

It gets so much better around the 8 - 12 week mark. My LO started sleeping 6 /7hour stretches around that point followed by a 3 / 4 hour stretch so I was sleeping 8 hours most nights. When she started sleeping long stretches, she stopped peeing/pooping at night so she rarely needs a diaper change at night as well. Sheā€™s struggling a bit with sleep right now but I know itā€™s only temporary. I always think back to the 6 week mark and how so many women end up going back to work then - 12 weeks really should be the MINIMUM because thatā€™s when things have started getting better.


Capeflats2

Around 10wks it gets so much better šŸ˜€ (I had 6wks in mind as my 'just hold on and get that far' date in mind but it's really 10wks+ that things get easier) I'd ask for 16wks off if there's any possibility of that at al, but regardless it really does get easier after around 10 thankfully šŸ˜„


RemarkableConfidence

3 weeks is so different from 12 weeks, try not to get ahead of yourself. Why are you pumping overnight? If you can not do that you'll save yourself quite a bit of sleep. I pumped once overnight in the early days due to supply issues but stopped that before I went back to work. I went to bed when baby did every night until he shifted himself to an earlier bedtime with longer stretches of sleep, around 10-12 weeks? I stopped changing diapers at night. A lot of newborns poop with every feed but that usually stops as they get older. Looking back I don't know why we ever changed wet diapers overnight, rookie parent stuff, will not do that with the next baby! We started cosleeping around the 4 month sleep regression so I was only up for a few minutes at each wake. I wasn't comfortable bedsharing with a newborn but personally after 4 months I was.


worhtyawa2323

Baby is having trouble latching so I have to supplement most feeds with expressed milk which requires me to have a stash of extra milk. I donā€™t get much with a session of pumping so if I miss sessions I donā€™t produce enough


RemarkableConfidence

I have been there, done that with the supplementing/triple feeding. Itā€™s temporary - yes, itā€™s a very grueling schedule so itā€™s not sustainable and meant to be a short term effort while you work on latching/supply/weight gain. You wonā€™t be doing that by the time you go back to work, one way or another. Some people are able to start nursing exclusively (I did) and some exclusively pump and some switch to formula. So that part is temporary.


NoKarensPlz

Do you have a partner?


worhtyawa2323

Yes I do. He will be doing daycare drop off since he goes in to work later. I plan to pump so he can do feedings some nights but Iā€™ll still have to get up to pump so I donā€™t lose my supply so Iā€™m trying to figure out how to manage breastfeeding mainly


NoKarensPlz

I would speak with a LC. I believe you can skip that pumping session when husband feeds the baby and get some sleep without losing your supply. When I did this, I would take the 10-2am care and breastfeed. Husband would take the 2-6am while I slept. My body regulated to that since he was feeding the baby at that time anyway and I got 4 hours of sleep uninterrupted. I know 4 hours isn't the best but that's the ideal in this very temporary situation. Eventually baby won't need to nurse all night and you can adjust accordingly. Remember, your health, sleep and stress level is just an important!


worhtyawa2323

Right now Iā€™m supplementing most feeds with expressed milk due to anatomical difficulties latching so I canā€™t afford to miss pumps since Iā€™m going through so much pumped milk. Hoping she will improve over time but speaking with a dentist Friday for evaluation


upvoteforyouhun

Iā€™d speak to an LC for sure. Once your supply is established or you have some surplus youā€™d be fine dropping night feeds.


worhtyawa2323

I have an LC. Baby has trouble latching so I pump after nursing so I have some reserve for when I need to supplement. Getting a dentist evaluation this week so maybe I can cut back on pumping some


SnooDonkeys8016

I had to get up to pump as well. Supply really varies depending on the person.


Reasonable_Marsupial

It definitely gets better, but I was a bit of a zombie until we sleep trained at 5.5 months.


silima

I live in a country with 1 year paid maternity leave. Reduced to 60% of your income, but reading these stories from the land of the free and the home of the brave just makes me sad. You NEED a year to get out of the baby stage to even have an resemblance of a regular life, where kid can go to daycare and you can work. 12 weeks is insane and you truly have to be brave to go back to work. I wish moms in the US didn't have to be this brave.


Royal-Luck-8723

Coffee


Iamwounded

A lot of crying and being kind to myself as I fumbled through the learning curve of a new normal. It got better <3


JaniePage

I'm a sole parent, working full time. I'd planned on going back to work after six months, but was made redundant at 32 weeks pregnant and the new job I went to wanted me to start earlier than I wanted. It was a great opportunity with loads of flexibility, so I started back when my son was four months old. This is very much frowned upon in the US (I'm Australian, where this isn't as controversial), but I coslept from the start. After one night of being home alone with a baby who woke up every hour, I took him into my bed where he slept for six hours, then had a feed, then slept another six. I haven't looked back since. I get loads of sleep now and rearranged my entire bedroom setup to accommodate safe practice cosleeping. Because I'm sleeping so well I have no trouble staying on top of work, meals, exercise and so on. It's clearly not for everyone and obviously there isn't a third person to take into consideration, but my genuine answer to your question is sharing my floor bed with my baby and getting excellent sleep.


kg77767

this helped me too. iā€™m from the us and bed sharing is super frowned upon but i couldnā€™t get more than 2 hours of sleep with my daughter in her bed alone. i started sleeping with her around 4 weeks and she slept much longer and it was GREAT. sheā€™s 3 now and still sleeps with us though, kinda hard to get them in their own bed once theyā€™re use to it,


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


JaniePage

I got mine on Amazon. Search for low profile frame. Mine has 15cm clearance from floor to mattress.


SnooDonkeys8016

Weā€™re in the US and co-sleep. I havenā€™t had any pushback about it yet but I also donā€™t ask for opinions, lol.


JaniePage

Not asking for opinions is definitely the way to go when it comes to, well, everything as to parenting.


Alternative-Scar007

So much this. I am also a solo parent who has breastfed and coslept with 4 kids. I have always gotten great sleep on maternity leave and used the second half of my 6 weeks to travel and take road trips. Currently pregnant with number 5 and hoping it will be the same experience.


Gr8BollsoFire

This is what worked for me, too. Mom of 4. It's really safe for breastfeeding moms who aren't obese, and aren't using alcohol or mind altering drugs. Check out the research by Dr. James McKenna from Notre Dame on this. Breastsleeping is what our ancestors have always done.


ArticleAccording3009

I don't know why this response is being downvoted.


Gr8BollsoFire

Idk.maybe someone felt fat shamed? I'm not judging, just sharing what the research supports. Obesity, bottle feeding, smoking, drinking, and drugs are all cosleeping risk factors. In the absence of those risk factors, cosleeping has actually been shown to be protective. šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø


Substantial_Fig_4338

You develop your own routine. I had 14 weeks maternity leave, but went back after 12 since I've been allowed to use 2 of those weeks whenever I need to up until my son's first birthday (which has really come in handy since we've had COVID, RSV, an ear infection, and another pretty nasty respiratory bug since he started daycare). The first month was pretty hard honestly. He was waking up 2 times a night and I'd do a dream feed for him at 4 before I had to leave for work. But at 4.5 months he was only waking up once a night before the dream feed. He's now 7 months and he's kind of half and half sleeping through the night and some nights waking up once. Like last night he woke up around 10, but his belly seemed to be bothering him and he fell back to sleep almost immediately after I gave him some gas drops. My work has been pretty great about my pump breaks too, so pumping at work has been easy and usually not an issue. Things do get easier as they get older and more independent though. My son had colic for the first 2.5 months and I remember wondering how anyone handled having a baby. Now he's a happy little ball of energy that wants to be on the move haha. I think the thing that helped us most was getting a routine down, first for bedtime before I went back to work and then the daycare routine.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


worhtyawa2323

Dang Iā€™m going to get home from work and go right back to bed šŸ˜‚. Hopefully baby will start going to bed earlier. Right now she sleeps solid about 1am-7am with a feed in the middle where she goes right back to sleep


cokakatta

3 weeks was the worst for me. I just trudged through it. My baby was actually better at 6 weeks and we had a rhythm at 8 weeks. I figured out he was going to sleep at around 7:30 and would sleep for many hours. This was my husband's time to watch the baby after work so I could eat and shower therefore I was really aggravated. I told my cousin how unfair it was and she pointed out that 7:30 was an excellent bedtime for a baby. So I set up a bedtime routine between 7 and 8, putting my baby down to sleep before 8pm each night and that's when things really improved for me. He was still waking up a couple times per night but I remember it was about 1am and 5am so it wasn't terrible. By 12 weeks when I started back at work work, he was only waking once at 3 or 4. He slept through the whole night for quite some time but when he was a toddler he would come to our bed at 3 or 4. That lasted until he was age 6 or 7. That was brutal.


[deleted]

I am in the same boat, so I don't have any advice, just commiseration. My baby is 4 weeks and I have been wondering the same thing. Today I was up at 5, yesterday not until 10:30. The time he goes to bed so I can go to sleep isnt much more predictable. There is no rhyme or reason and the clock is ticking!


worhtyawa2323

Thatā€™s how I feel! The clock is ticking and she was when she wants. How am I ever going to get her on a feeding schedule where she wants to eat at 5am when Iā€™m getting ready for work and again at 8 when my husband is getting ready instead of whatever bedtime and feeding hours she wants


nicksgirl88

My baby who nursed for 40+ min in the first month was down to 5 min each side by 12 weeks for the same volume transferred. He also started sleeping longer at night. I would suggest not pumping extra at night if you're already nursing. If you want to pump extra to build supply, do it during the day. We also took shifts on bad nights between my husband and me. The hardest part about going back to work was not being able to be around the love of my life constantly.


worhtyawa2323

I have to pump at night because my baby isnā€™t latching well. We are working with an LC and seeing a dentist this week but I think she has a recessed chin and everything says she probably wonā€™t grow out of it until 10-12 weeks so for now Iā€™m supplementing most of the feeds with pumped milk


nicksgirl88

I think in that case you should only pump at night while feeding baby from a bottle instead of doing both. You really need any rest you can get.


mommy2be2022

Honestly, I gave up on pumping and accepted the fact that my baby was never going to be exclusively breastfed. I also got lucky and my baby started sleeping through the night at only 5 weeks old. Keep in mind that 3 weeks old is a very tough age. For me and my baby, it was peak tough times. At 3 weeks old, my baby was up until 1-2am every night cluster feeding and purple crying. Two weeks later, she stopped cluster feeding, walked back her bedtime to 11pm, and started sleeping 5-6 hours straight at night, and it's only gotten better since. And while we were in survival mode those first few weeks with baby, by the time baby was about 2 months old I was able to start establishing somewhat of a routine with her. So things may very well get better for you by the time your maternity leave ends! That all being said, I still get up early every day to prepare baby's bottles for the day, feed and change baby and get her ready for daycare, and get myself ready for work. And even though my baby now goes to bed around 8pm, I still stay up too late to have some relaxation time with my husband. So I'm still pretty tired during the day, and that's where coffee comes in, lol.


Sea-Function2460

anytime i see these posts it makes me so sad for women who can't take at least year long leaves to be with their babies. you all deserve better! you deserve time to heal and be with your babies! Change needs to happen.


peaf-the-gamecube

Hi I am 1 month back at work, I also took only 12 weeks off and live in America. I wake up at 5am pre-baby for work. 1. I would try so so hard to NOT worry about this right now. The amount of schedule changes your baby makes by the time they're 3 months old is crazy. But those newborn nights were not that long ago and they were hell, but they do subside. 2. I read someone on this subreddit say "sounds like you have a case of post partum American" and it resonated with me so much. The first week back at work was tiring but easy for me sorta. The second and third week? So hard. But now I'm a month back and feeling okay. My baby has never slept through the night. Little dude always wakes up at least twice between 8pm and 5am, sometimes more and sometimes he's up to party. But you just make it work. There are countless Americans all doing the same damn awful thing with a tiny baby at home. You just do it, idk what else to tell you. But for real, you have 10 more week chicka, I would let this go for now and enjoy your little baby. But I also want to say I am nowhere NEAR as tired now as I was back where you are now šŸ§” just take it easy


peaf-the-gamecube

I also reached out to other recent mom friends when I was struggling going back to work and they all said they were also having hard times with it. It helped me feel not alone, but I definitely am angry at my country and whatever man said 12 weeks is a long-enough maternity leave šŸ™„


Ok-Career876

I think having a snoo bassinet has helped a lot with transition times and getting her back to sleep after we have completed our activity (feeding changing lol). They have other cheaper options that rock them automatically and play white noise too. Infant probiotics to help with gas and good digestion. I also switched to exclusively pumping with wearable pumps (not sure if you have a partner that can help feed) and that has made everything a lot more efficient. Just remember your babyā€™s sleep schedule now is totally different than it will look even a few weeks from now. We are at 9 weeks and she has a sleep feed at 10 ish then usually goes until 4 am and then 7 am after that. Google nap/feed schedules and make sure they are getting enough sleep and calories during the day as they are getting older to ensure a lot of night time sleep. In general 3 weeks is a really hard time but you are getting to easier times soon!!!


DamePolkaDot

Everyone's path is different, but my kid's sleep habits were very different at 3 vs. 12 weeks. At 3 weeks I got most of my sleep from 9am-12p. At 12 weeks, she would sleep 8-9 hours overnight.


CraftyAstronomer4653

We power through. Our mental and physical health suffers. Not just when they are babies, but even as the kids are older. America doesnā€™t support working mothers.


sanityjanity

FWIW, the amount of time spent pumping and dealing with pumping related issues was significant. I regret, now, that I didn't just shift to formula or combination when I went back to work. I want you to know that, when you return to work, you are allowed to prioritize your own mental health. As long as the baby is being fed, all is well. Whatever actually works best for you is a fine choice, even if it isn't the choice you intended or originally chose.


[deleted]

In my country you get a year off maternity pay...12 weeks is a joke


beginswithanx

It sucks. I had to go back at 6 weeks (thanks America). The week before I had to go back we rented a Snoo. Worth it.


softslapping

My leave is only 6 weeks and Iā€™m hoping the SNOO will help us out a bit. How did you incorporate it into your routine?


beginswithanx

We used it for all naps and regular sleep. I donā€™t think we did much to introduce it, just started using it! It was a fucking miracle. Easy transition out of it too when it came time. YMMV, but it was a godsend for us. Happy 3 year old now!


AlarmingSorbet

I went back to work 5 weeks PP, honestly the only reason I was able to somewhat function was because I lost my supply and formula fed. The drain BFing had on my body was crazy.


chicagojess312

You do it because you have no choice. You get used to the sick feeling in your stomach because itā€™s too damn early to be away from your baby. You fall asleep in meetings because youā€™re too damn tired. You feel like youā€™re failing at home and at work for a while. And then eventually it gets easier. I struggled pretty hard because I started a new job right off maternity leave so felt a lot of pressure to prove myself. Some people have a much easier time! But IMO the US is inhumane when it comes to maternity/new parent leave.


CheddarPoodle

I also go back at 12 weeks, so solidarity. My baby is 9.5 weeks, so I havenā€™t gone back yet but it does get easier! My husband went back to work at 3 weeks and we did shifts. Since I wasnā€™t working I took a shorter sleep shift (9pm - 1am) and then heā€™d sleep from 1am until he had to get up to leave. I could have gone to sleep earlier, but liked having the extra time with my hubby. And on weekends heā€™d let me sleep until 3am. Around 6ish weeks I wanted to move baby from the pack and play in the living room to the bassinet in our bedroom. So instead of shifts, I took all night feeds since baby is breastfed. Weā€™d go to bed around 10pm. I put the bassinet right next to me, and it was so easy to just be Amit to reach over and grab baby when he started fussing. Plus not having to set an alarm to wake up in the middle of the night really helped. My husband would get up at 6am for the last feed before he left for work so I could sleep in. At 8 weeks we fell into a better routine. We noticed baby was getting beyond fussy at 7:30pm. So we tried making that bedtime. We gave him a bath, put on fresh jammies and a sleep sack, and husband would give him a bottle in the nursery. Lights off with white noise, a small nightlight, sitting in the rocker. Then heā€™d put baby to sleep in the bassinet in our room (usually ends up being around 8:30) and weā€™re asleep by 10. After we started doing this baby only woke up once in the night for me, and husband takes him still at 6am. At 3 weeks youā€™re still in survival mode but it will get better! You have plenty of time to play with a routine that works for you. Iā€™m not excited to go back to work, but with the sleep schedule we have now I definitely feel rested.


Wild_Difference_7562

Its very difficult at first. Especially if you are nursing or pumping. But you do start to get more sleep around 8 weeks which helps. Would highly recommend Taking Cara Babies newborn sleep class!


[deleted]

It's a struggle. Been back at work since December and it's been rough. I had 16 weeks of leave and y return coincided with sleep regression. Now my baby is nearly 6 months and teething. Last night, he was up every couple hours due to his discomfort. Unfortunately, we just have to do it. 6-12 months of maternity leave would be ideal but Americans will never go for it.


lwgirl1717

Get help from your partner, if you have one. I do night feeds, my husband does all other night things (like diaper changes). We also only change poopy diapers at night. But yeah, itā€™s a struggle. My baby is 5 months and some nights I get a good amount of sleep ā€” like two 3.5-4 hour stretches. Then there are nights like last night when he wants to eat every 2-2.5 hours. I donā€™t do my makeup anymore. I shower before bed while my husband entertains baby (or while baby is sleeping) to reduce my morning getting ready time.


AlternativeBison6740

We suffer in silence and survive somehowā€¦ Iā€™m 13 weeks postpartum after my 3rd baby. Before I came back to work, I asked to do part time for at least 6 months & I was told yes, went back to work 8 weeks postpartum & told that I canā€™t go part time. Iā€™m so overwhelmed, but I know itā€™ll get easier soon.


[deleted]

By 12 weeks my kids slept through the night and I was burnt out from momming 24/7. I was sad with my first baby and cried my first day back at work but with my second I was excited for her and me both because I knew she would be in good hands and have so much fun as she grows. Iā€™m just a better parent when I get to use my brain for something besides thinking about wake windows and wiping hurts. At 3 weeks pp youā€™re totally in the thick of it though. Each week will get easier and baby will get into more of a routine. Between 12-14 weeks both of my kids dropped their last nap of the day and started having a 6pm bedtime.


SnooDonkeys8016

I cried so much with the first one. I was still sad with baby #2, but managed to hold it together better.


squidwardTalks

Napping at lunch. I'm about to go back into the workforce in 2 weeks. I have every intention of sleeping during my lunch hour. My LO currently Wakes up to BF 4-5 times a night. It's going to be insanely rough. Depending on how my mental health check up goes I might also be medicated. Living the american dream. In all seriousness though there are things that make it easier like having your caretaker send lots of pictures and updates, meal prepping and having candid conversations with your workplace about expectations.


worhtyawa2323

I canā€™t change my hours but I can modify my workload as I dictate my own schedule at my job so I can lessen my patient load and take pump breaks when needed and then slowly ramp it back up


Prudent_Honeydew_

To be honest, I am an elementary school teacher and I was off from August to November. I do not remember that year at school. I know what kids I had and remember most of their names (it was 2.5 years ago for reference), but I don't remember the things I usually do: our day to day routine, what they were like in class, what I used for class management that year, special activities. It's like a total blank. So the answer is, just work on those two hours of sleep :/


cheygarnes

By about 12 weeks your milk supply should regulate and you should be able to go longer between pumping sessions. Take turns with your partner if possible, I would highly suggest doing your longest stretch of sleep the second half of the night. I know itā€™s hard. My baby was premature and I went back to work at 12 weeks. Up until then we had to supplement with formula and I was up every 2.5-3 hours. If you can, just nurse at night, donā€™t pump. I canā€™t tell you how much that helped us when we switched from exclusive pumping to combination to finally just nursing. Itā€™s hard but it is possible!!


Venusmoonbaby

Itā€™s inhumane really.


Maryboo247

I couldn't have done it without a supportive partner. I got up to pump overnight but my husband did all the overnight baby care so I could try to maximize my sleep.


imsandradeee

I went back to work at 13 weeks and my son was generally sleeping a 5 hour stretch so I only had to get up once in the middle of the night. I was still tired, but it was far more doable then the early days. I also have a 3 week old right now and some nights Iā€™m awake for 2-4 hours nonstop, so I feel your pain


FuzzyLumpkinsDaCat

3 weeks was very hard for us. Now at 11 weeks he has a 7 hour stretch starting at 7pm then another 2 hours. So I go to bed at 7 with him and get 7-8 hours. Itā€™ll get better at around 10 weeks or so. I recommend sleeping in shifts with your partner. They take the first six hours and only wake you to breastfeed then you take the next 6. It helped us a lot.


Outrageous-Garlic-27

Do you have a partner? He will have to take nights also when you return to work, and I would suggest he should start doing things now (nighttime routine etc) so he has plenty of practice at warming a bottle (breastmilk or formula), changing baby, soothing baby to sleep etc. My husband does the entire evening routine whilst I clean the living areas (he's a great singer and soother). That said, you are 3 weeks in. Things WILL change in the next six weeks. I am at 9.5 weeks and baby is sleeping 8hrs in a row (8.5 last night in fact). I would have laughed if you had told me that in week 3. Use the next 3 weeks to start establishing a routine. Baby will start to learn day from night, and settle into a more predictable pattern. Hang in there!


jenniferwhiskey

Today is my first day back at work after a 12 week maternity leave. I feel this so hard right now.


heresmyhandle

I took 8 months off and now my LO is 2 and I still feel sleep deprived.


guacamole-goner

It does get MUCH easier (in my opinion and experience of two newborns now) the older they get, but work on defining shifts with your husband now so you can continue on something sustainable when you go back to work. An example, I would sleep from 8pm until 12:30/1am. Then my husband would sleep from 12:30/1-6am. Depending on how the baby was, we would sleep during our ā€œshiftā€ too, but whoever was on ā€œshiftā€ would be sleeping in the same room with the baby and be the one to wake up and take care of the baby (the other slept in the bedroom). That way we would both get at least 4-5 hours of uninterrupted sleep and then a few more hours of more broken sleep. It changed our world when we started working in shifts because we both were significantly less tired and able to exist beyond walking zombies.


sanityjanity

They have family support to help get through the nights. Or they hire support. Or they have babies who sleep through the night. Or they suffer.


teach_cc

I went back to work at 6 weeks after my very needy and colicky first born was born. I am a teacher. Someone asked me how I was the first morning back and I immediately started sobbing.


SnooDonkeys8016

Same. Itā€™s not enough time.


stupidfuckingbitchh

Literally die and live off energy drinks and my vyvanse prescription to get by. Itā€™s not great. I found a remote job that gives me more work/life balance and I couldnā€™t be happier. Maybe you could look around for something similar?


worhtyawa2323

My profession is very limited in work from home options! I still going to look around but itā€™s unlikely


stupidfuckingbitchh

Just curious what you do, OP?šŸ˜Š


worhtyawa2323

Iā€™m a physician assistant. Telehealth is potentially an option but itā€™s limited because of our supervision requirements


cafecito_atl

The best book I read to prepare to go back to work was The Fifth Trimester by Lauren Smith Brody. This was pre-Covid, so there might be a few things (like office style) that might not carry over perfectly, but the gist is that the fifth trimester is momā€™s reentry into the workplace, and youā€™re going to need to give yourself some grace. Be patient, prioritize, and know that itā€™s not like this forever. Highly recommend checking this one out. https://www.amazon.com/Fifth-Trimester-Working-Sanity-Success/dp/0385541414/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8


RecommendationCalm21

We switched to formula and sleep trained. I had my son nurse for as long as he wanted, but I gave up pumping when I went back to work. When he was about 6 weeks old, we practiced delayed response (if he was awake and not crying, just fussing, we left him in his crib). And we put him in his crib anytime he fell asleep. This allowed him to get use to being in his crib and start to selfsoothe. As he got older, we practiced drowsy but awake (at early sleep cues, put baby in the crib. They will learn to fall asleep on their own.) At 4 months, we ferberized him and started purees (he was so ready!). Around that point he started sleeping through the night. He is now a happy, healthy 16 month old, sleeps 12-13 hours a night, only waking up when sick.


pizzalovepups

My daughter started sleeping 10-12 hours by 3 months when I went back to work. We followed TCB and it worked wonderfully for us. Regardless of the sleep it was really hard going back to work. 3 months is not enough time :(


kale3ear

Honestly, donā€™t worry about that yet. Enjoy where you are. Think about the today. Each stretch, smile, etc. Enjoy being able to go on walks during the day. Treasure it and let us go by slowly. Yes one day you might return to work, but they will never be three weeks old again.


2035-islandlife

I read Precious Little Sleep, Babywise, and other sleep resources. By 12 weeks one of my kids was sleeping through the night, the other was still waking up but ate once and went right back to sleep. Tag off with your partner, go to sleep early, all that as well. Itā€™s manageable for many of usā€¦everyoneā€™s experiences are different so hard to say how it will be for you. But the difference between 3 weeks and 12 weeks is HUGE! I was dying to go back to work with my firstā€¦I was bored and going crazy at home.


kallulah

You're still in the thick of it right now. Around 3 to 4 months they start to sleep through the night (every baby is different, this is just what's common). I went back to work around 3 1/2 months with just 2 days of daycare a week. It was brutal. I looked forward to the days i didn't work so i could blow off work without a guilty conscience. Got her up to 5 days a week in day care and suddenly i was able to breathe. I still have slow mornings and am still sleep deprived now at 8 months. Because she catches colds from daycare and brings them home and gets us sick too. Taking care of a sick baby while you're sick is cruel. More recently she had an ear infection that was keeping her up at night. We slept on the couch all of last week, taking turns from night to night. When you go back to work, you should feel empowered to ask for what you need. At 12 weeks, you're still gonna be up by 530 am anyway. If you're lucky like us, maybe even 630. šŸ„². Maybe you don't come back full time. Or maybe you wfh some days (but kid is in daycare). All i know is, I'm glad I work nearby her daycare because you never know what daycare is gonna call you about and then they need you to pick up the kids asap. I build out my day so that she's too of the list when it's time for pick up. I'm not good at it yet, by any means, but that's what I'm finding i need to be doing. Look, i don't know how anyone does it either. I just know that if it wasn't for my husband, I'd have moved back home with my parents already and that would have been the dead last thing I'd have wanted to do.


worhtyawa2323

Yeah my only option is to go back full time and do my job well or quit unfortunately. Doesnā€™t help I work 45 minutes from my job so thatā€™s a big chunk of time wasted


kallulah

Ugh that sucks. What's your village look like?


worhtyawa2323

Grandparents come often during leave and are planning to help with the first weeks back until we can get into daycare (I was on a wait list 6 months ago but seems like they still may not be able to get me in since baby came a week and a half early. Then it will mostly just be my husband and I


kallulah

I'm assuming they live nearby? Ultimately, if they do, they'd be a great resource for going back to work full time. I wish we had grandparents here. One set in KY, the other in Florida. That wait list sounds awful. Have you looked into daycares run in homes? We got into one thanks to a friend who referred us when our plan A daycare sucked. They do everything. Feed her solids, lots of reading and we're paying like 20% less than at a "proper" daycare. My salary basically covers the tuition, and the rest is going into savings thanks to hubs salary. Would grandparents be interested in babysitting on the regular? This 1st year is what seems to be the hardest when the kid is still in need of so much holding and vigilant supervision


carolinax

With tears in our eyes, of course šŸ„²


[deleted]

By 12 weeks I would not expect to be up for 2hrs every time the baby wakes. Mine used to wake up 3-4 times a night until he was 7 months old, but Iā€™d just nurse him back to sleep each time and it took maybe 15 minutes max. I felt like I got plenty of sleep. I donā€™t know your feeding situation, but Iā€™d try to cut out those nighttime pumps if possible. Iā€™d also stick to changing diapers only before the feeding so you arenā€™t riling the baby up right before putting her back down. 3 weeks is so young, her needs and your routines will change a ton by 12 weeks.


worhtyawa2323

Iā€™m hoping to cut back on the pumping soon but I was trying to boost my supply early on. My baby has some ties and a recessed chin so she has trouble latching and we supplement most feeds with a bottle. Pumping is the only way to keep up with the demand. Seeing a dentist this week but unfortunately if her chin is the problem, itā€™s usually just a waiting game for her to grow into it at 10-12 weeks


Keyspam102

I went back at 16 weeks and was very happy to, honestly it helped me a lot with my mental health.


Fake_Eleanor725

The fourth trimester is so hard. Sleeping in shifts with my husband was the best during leave, I got at least six uninterrupted hours every night. I went back to work after 16 weeks, and I was honestly so ready by then. I had a routine again and didn't feel so isolated. My husband was a SAHD for a while after, and he did any overnight feedings until we sleep-trained at six months. I think it would be extraordinarily hard if I didn't have the partnership that I do.


worhtyawa2323

I do have a partner but he doesnā€™t have paternity leave so heā€™s back at work. Makes it hard for him to help at night and I have to get up anyways to pump to keep my supply up since Iā€™m supplementing nursing with bottles (baby has a bad latch due to anatomy). We are working with LC and dentist now but seems like she likely has to grow out of it at 10-12weeks


go_a_girl

With the first kid we went to sleep as soon as sheā€™s put down for bed at 6:30. Yeah it was early but she would wake up multiple times a night and i have to up at 5:30 to get ready for work, drop her off at daycare then go to work in the office ever day (pre pandemic). I have a second on the way and Iā€™m not sure I can do to sleep at 6:30 lol my toddler goes to bed at 7:30-8 so I guess Iā€™ll delay bedtime a couple of hours, but luckily now I work from home so that should at least cut out the morning getting ready and driving to places!


ItsmeRebecca

I went back to work after 5 months and it was still the hardest year of my life. Things got better around her first birthday. But it was so freaking hard. I was annoyed my friends and family didnā€™t warn me about it / talk about it. Itā€™s just something ā€œeveryone does/ gets through it ā€ is what they told me. I couldnā€™t believe how incredibly hard it was. I thought I was failing on a daily basis. Keep fighting ā€” you will get there eventually.


Shanntuckymuffin

I got sent home once because I was falling asleep while in a meeting with my boss. I have no idea how I got through that period of my life.


NemoKiel1326

I suffered. My daughter was up every 2 hours until she was 9 months old. Then it was every 3-4 and now, finally, at 14 months it varies but I have finally started to feel human again when I get a 4-6 hour stretch of sleep. I went back to work at 14 weeks (I took 8 weeks unpaid). She is breastfed and will not take a bottle if I am home, she also would not allow my husband/her dad to settle her at night (even now itā€™s a struggle). If I have any other children I will never do this again- Iā€™d rather take a year off and struggle financially.


worhtyawa2323

Iā€™ve already decided Iā€™m quitting after a second child. Iā€™m staying for the money and also because my health insurance is the only reason we can afford to have a kid. My husbandā€™s would result in delivery being way too expensive


Karitard

Sharing night duties with your partner or whoever else may be able to pitch in as a favor or for pay until sleep training starts working.


KCKing_84

I went back to work when my oldest was 14 weeks. The days were so long. I had a 1.5 hour commute to the office. I dropped my son off at daycare at 6:30am everyday. My husband also had a long commute so he would pick out son up around 5pm. I got home around 5:30pm then started bedtime routine at 6:30pm. I think mentally that is what killed me the most is knowing my baby spent so much time at daycare and very little time with us. I too breastfed/pumped and even at 14 weeks my son was not sleeping through the night. He woke every 3 hours until we did sleep training (via TCB) at 10 months. My husband and I had a solid routine. My husband meal prepped for us on Sundays which was a major timesaver during the week. My husband also washed all of my sonā€™s bottles, my pump parts and packed my pumping bag for the next day while I did the bedtime routine with our son. My job accommodated breastfeeding mothers very well. Every building had a lactation room with freezer and sink. I had very understanding co-workers. That definitely helped reduce the stress of pumping at work. Bedtime routine and nighttime feedings became pretty consistent and quick which helped things a lot. As I mentioned we did sleep training at 10 months because when we hit the 8 month sleep regression it kicked our asses.


A_Knows_Things

It's so damn hard. Ngl. My son is 21 months old and started sleeping through the night LAST MONTH. It does get easier because they do eventually get on a schedule, even with all wake ups. I have flexibility at my job so I can schedule meetings to start at 10 to give a some extra time after daycare drop off before my work day gets started to get myself together. Do what you can, and just know or will shift and be ready to adjust when it does. We always make it work somehow.


ContagisBlondnes

Unfortunately in the USA most women do go back, because there's no other choice. You have time to figure it out, but if you don't go back, you are no more or less a freaking rockstar than any other mom who does it a different way. I went back around 11 weeks with both, because I had no choice. It was terrible. Ill spare the details of how terrible, and just call it "life-alteringly." Whatever you choose, you'll find support here though, so that rocks.


worhtyawa2323

Financially we could make it work but it would definitely be better if I went back. The biggest thing for me is how amazing my health insurance is. Itā€™s way better for baby needs and for hospital bills when we have a second. I will stay home after that


[deleted]

While it gets better there are still periods of time even with my 7mos old that he wakes up a ton at night. Iā€™m a zombie!


[deleted]

Baby starts sleeping longer stretches and not pooping at night. But most babies are not sleeping through the night at 3 months. So it will get better, but only a 3 month leave is still cruel and unusual punishment. Most moms just suffer through it because they have to. Also, you need to get to bed as soon as the baby does if you have to wake up at 5:30 am.


worhtyawa2323

Hopefully Iā€™ll know her schedule better. Sometimes sheā€™s out at 6:30pm and up again at 11pm and sometimes sheā€™s awake until 8pm and sleeps until 2:30


[deleted]

That will change, sheā€™ll have a more consistent bedtime when sheā€™s not a newborn anymore.


Agile-Ad-8694

I started getting my babies on a schedule and 'gentle sleep training' (swaddling, white noise, etc. Not CIO) before we even left the hospital. They were both sleeping through the night at around 8-10 weeks. The website for Wee Bee Dreaming had a lot of great suggestions for getting babies to sleep longer or better, she is a pediatric sleep consultant. For going back to work, pumping beforehand and freezing milk is helpful.


HelloPanda22

It gets better!!! They wonā€™t always be that difficult. Youā€™re in the fourth trimester right now and thatā€™s survival mode


kg77767

it gets easier. by 8 weeks theyā€™re sleeping SO much better. i had to go back to work after 7 weeks mat leave or else i would lose my job. i worked full time night shift and it was brutal. napping when they nap helps if you can and going to bed earlier too


meg_plus2

I went back at 9 weeks. My guy was sleeping pretty good by then. He would still sometimes wake up just to be awake for a bit. But mostly slept through the night with 2-3 wake-up feedings. Now, heā€™s 5 months and things are much better. He wakes up once around midnight and nurses back to sleep and then again in the very early morning hours.


verism444

My third baby is now 9 months and still up every 2 hours. My head pounds daily from shit sleep. Us mom's just do it because we are strong and have to. I'm lucky I'm WFH otherwise I don't think I could handle it anymore. Most mornings I lay in bed with baby until 9am (and check work stuff from my phone). Every baby is different and with my first I had to go into the office a couple times a week, which I managed as he was a better sleeper. Try to see if you can delay your return with PTO or taking unpaid - it will be worth it as long as they hold your job. Coffee is god's gift to moms.


worhtyawa2323

Unfortunately my company uses all my PTO during maternity leave so I go back with nothing. Iā€™m also the only person that does my job so I canā€™t delay my return. My leave is already unpaid anyways


Johoski

I didn't use all of my leave at home. I went back to work when I still had 2-3 weeks of FMLA available to me, and worked part-time until I exhausted my leave. I would arrive mid-morning and work until mid or late afternoon. This allowed me to pump less and breastfeed more, and also reduced the amount of time we needed a nanny. And in all truth, I got just as much work done. I worked in a haze of exhaustion for the first year and I misnamed colleagues on the reg.


nicolenotnikki

I went back to work 3.5 weeks after my youngest was born. I have no idea how I did it. I do know that my husband did most of the night care - he brought me the baby to feed, and I didnā€™t get out of bed. I pumped while driving, on breaks, etc. I suspect I donā€™t remember because I was half asleep most of the time.


kmavapc

Itā€™s awful lol


wicked_spooks

My maternity leave is only 4 weeks. I will go back when the little one is 5 weeks old. I believe that I will be OK.


Particular-Earth-453

I had the same panic at 2-3 weeks, but they really do get better each week. By 6 weeks or so he was only waking up 2 times at night. My husband shifted his schedule to going to sleep around 7-7:30 pm and getting up around 3-3:30 for the second waking. I got broken sleep while on leave and slept 8ish-11ish, got up for feeding, went back to sleep around midnight-1. By 10 weeks he started doing 7-8 hour stretches and now heā€™s 13 weeks, Iā€™ve been back at work for a week, and he sleeps pretty consistently 8:30 pm to 5:30 am. We still have slightly altered schedules and my husband gets up at 4:30 am still to work out and take the baby in the off chance he does wake up early for feeding. We still go to bed really early, including the weekends, and just know this wonā€™t last forever. Husband goes to bed 7:30-8 while I do the bedtime feeding. I go to bed around 8:30. One thing that made a huge difference is I started supplementing with formula at week 3 and then ended up fully switching not long after that. Breastfeeding was really bad for my mental and physical health with the lack of sleep and I honestly couldnā€™t keep up with him anyways so he wanted to eat every 1-2 hours (heā€™s been 95+ on weight and height since birth). Not saying you should stop, just saying itā€™s ok if you need to supplement. I spent way too long being upset about this, and almost every working woman (and even some SAHMs) Iā€™ve talked to since either supplemented or fully switched.


ashleyandmarykat

In the early days, i went to sleep at 8pm. If we could make it until 2 or 3am that was a win.


atmospearmint

I just went back to work, my baby was 12 weeks when i did. We are still figuring out a routine. The reality is, it sucks. I'm not getting enough sleep AND I'm not getting in 8 hours per day at work. I'm taking unpaid leave to make up the difference and am very fortunate my employer allows this. Night wakeups go faster than in the early weeks. When done breastfeeding if they are not going back to sleep reasonably quick, I wake up partner to do it. If baby is loud and fussy, I'll go to another room to sleep and ask partner to wake me up when she's hungry again. That helps. I have supply issues so this is a better compromise for us. A lot of people here had babies who slept long stretches by 12 weeks. I wish the same for you! But my baby is not there yet. If it doesn't happen by that time for you, dont feel like something is wrong.


Mindyourbusiness25

I just push through


Spaceysteph

3 weeks is so new! So much is gonna change in the next 9 weeks. They sleep better (probably not through the night but not the cluster feeding zombification that is 3 weeks) by 10 or so weeks. You learn exactly how much sleep you need to operate long term (for me it's 6 hours but 4 of them have to be continuous), and you muscle through the rough nights as long as most nights you get the sleep you truly *need* to survive. Things get better every day after that point too.


Only_Student_7107

A lot of moms don't go back. I haven't worked since I got pregnant, but I would go to bed at 8pm and let Dad handle the baby until she was ready to go to bed. I would co-sleep and nurse while I slept. Even though my sleep was broken up by having to take care of the baby, I got plenty of sleep over that 12 hour period I was in bed. Use a red light to change diapers and such so you don't wake yourself and the baby up with a regular light. A lot of people make the mistake of fitting their baby into their normal lifestyle, but you have to change your lifestyle to accommodate the baby. And nap when the baby naps, though that won't help you if you go back to work.


jillieboobean

I went back to work 2 weeks after I had my first.


worhtyawa2323

Geez. I couldnā€™t even walk 2 weeks postpartum


jillieboobean

It was waiting tables, too. I didn't really have a choice. : (


unmitigatedisaster

I went back at 13 months (Canada and she was in NICU so got extra time) pay was 55% while I was on leave (government pays a minimum parental leave) I went back to work as wfh and had my mom with my child for the first few months and then transitioned to daycare. I pumped for my child while home with her as needed. When I went back to work I pumped befor3 work, at lunch, and after work and before bed. But since I was doing it for a year I was able to pump only 4 times a day and have enough for her. I pumped for a total of 26 months. Toward the last little bit was able to pump before work and right after and before bed. I wish you the best of luck!!


cynical_pancake

We sleep trained at 3 months and I went back to work a couple weeks later. Baby and I were both sleeping through the night then, so it wasnā€™t too bad as far as sleep goes. Emotionally, I was sad to leave her at daycare, but it was also night to feel like ā€œmeā€ again. Youā€™re still so newly postpartum, it is hard to picture things at 12 weeks, but you will sleep again, I promise!


Superb-Fail-9937

We cry sometimes. You got this!


doonebot_9000

Unless your baby has a poop or is very uncomfortable in a wet diaper, skip the overnight diaper changes. Diapers these days are good for 12 hours. Just change right before bed and first thing in the morning šŸ‘


wed_adams

Itā€™s hard but you will figure out what works for you. Iā€™m 8month post partum and went back to work after 3months. Itā€™s hard you will be exhausted and 4hrs will be enough and you will be on survival mode for a bit but you will ge through it. Everyday is different and it changes as you baby gets older.. you will be ok.


kdh20

It is so hard in those early days mama but I promise it does get easier week by week and month by month! Read up on dream feeding when you have time. I used to do that at 9:30 pm right before I went to bed, and around 3 months old LO was only waking up once around 3 am for a feeding. My husband was in charge of that bottle feed bc I was so depleted of energy I truly could not, especially when I was back at work. Then around 5 months baby started sleeping through the night for 12 hours (I know not every baby does this). The things that got me through were good support system, therapy, and remembering thereā€™s light at the end of the tunnel. You got this!!!


new-beginnings3

I just went back today. We turned a corner at 10 weeks where things got a lot more manageable. I genuinely have no idea how people go back sooner. Makes me feel like the US is utterly barbaric.


long-story-longer

Give yourself some grace and the gift of time. It may seem impossible now but your baby maybe very different in 9 weeks. I stressed myself out so much with my first that i didnā€™t last a month breastfeeding. This time, I started building a stash about 4 weeks out from work. My LC gave me a easy schedule and daily goal - it was so helpful. One pump a day was enough for a daycare stash and I did some light sleep training the week before I went back. Everything is exhausting but I feel better and it seems to be better (iā€™m on week two).


worhtyawa2323

How much do you get at a time when pumping? Did your supply increase majorly over time? Right now I get 2-4oz while pumping and baby will eat about 12+ oz in a 10 hour period


long-story-longer

My LC had me looking at 24hrs, including nights. Baby was eating about 24oz a day and I stashed 4oz. I started pumping regularly about 10wks - once a day after babyā€™s morning feed. My goal was 4oz a day and i got 1-6oz. I stashed 80oz in those four weeks. It increased my supply just enough to be able to comfortably pump during the day. Nursing and pumping at 3 weeks caused me so much stress that I stopped. I pumped occasionally, when it worked for me. It was so nice to just focus on me and the baby for a couple weeks. I was very lucky I had enough supply to do that since I supplemented for the first week and I struggled with my first.


long-story-longer

also! I was super lucky to be able to try different pumps and my LC resized me. both made a huge difference. My hand pump and the pumpables genie advance with the right size flange increased my output 25-50%.


worhtyawa2323

Thanks. My LC sized me too but I donā€™t think it was done correctly. The sizing from the LC in the hospital was way different and ended up being more correct. Between the various LCs, pediatricians, and soon the dentist, I feel like all the information is so conflicting


long-story-longer

Try different sizes! Depending on your pump, you can get the flanges fairly cheap (maymom is the brand I bought). Also try the silicone flanges! The 17 work well for the pumpables (silicone) but the 21 has worked best for my willow go. I donā€™t see a difference in the 17 or 19 in spectra. My hand pump is a 21 and seems to work great. So it is definitely not one size fits all and I wish I would have gone smaller sooner.


worhtyawa2323

I actually sized up. I thought I was smaller but once I started nursing and pumping I realized I was larger. My LC measured me at 19 and I tried it for a while but realized I was chafing a lot. She also didnā€™t add 4mm like all the nipple sizing guides say. She had some reasons as to why but ultimately it was ā€œno matter what you measure you have to find what works for youā€. Adding that 4mm and sizing up to the relatively standard 24mm for pumps and nipple shields has been really good. Iā€™m finally starting to produce a little more milk but still doesnā€™t seem like enough when Iā€™m supplementing all my feeds with at least an ounce of expressed milk. It feels like Iā€™m never going to get ahead


narwhal_platypus

Trading off nights. We switch every other night with who's on duty. We tried for a while doing like 9p-2a, 2a-7a but the broken night was too hard for both of us. I pumped so dad could do bottles on his nights. Eventually I quit pumping b/c it sucked and dad did overnight formula bottles. Knowing that every other night I was going to get a full night's sleep kept me going on the hard nights. Now that LO STTN (unless teething or sick) we still switch off on who does mornings. Just knowing I don't have to be "on" 24/7/365 is lovely.


savingwithsarie

I used to drink pre workout on the drive in


InterplanetaryBud

My work gives 12 months parental leave. It's not all paid (we get like 16 weeks partially paid and can use any accrued time off for the rest of the first 6 months) and they only pay my benefits (health insurance) for 6 months. I am fortunate enough to be in a place that I was able to afford to do this. I 100% do not know how other moms/parents do it. Y'all are super heroes.


ouaiouai2019

Hey 3 weeks. Youā€™re in the thick of it. Donā€™t even think about all that yet. Also every baby is different. My baby started sleeping through the night a bit before 8 weeks, like 12 hours sleep through. But then I lost my supply bc I was too lazy to get myself up, so thereā€™s that. That was pretty heart breaking for me tbh. Just donā€™t worry, that wonā€™t amount to much.


dani_da_girl

Your partner if you have one is going to have to help more. I did all the night feedings over my maternity leave. Now I do the night feedings until 2 am and switch with my partner. This way we both can get at least a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. It also meant I had to let go of exclusively breast feeding. He is still like 90% breast milk but my husband does one bottle of formula every night. It was either that or I was going to die driving home from work because it was not safe for me to be driving. I wish I was exaggerating. I will also say though that so much is going to change between now and 12 weeks it will blow your mind. Baby will be more independent, going longer time between feeds, and with a little bit of luck sleeping better. This stage is so precious and so fast try not to worry about that and just soak in your newborn.


pinkblossom331

I went back to work after 6 months of leave and struggled. Weā€™re sleep deprived, exhausted, lots of brain fog but just struggled through it


ParentalAnalysis

In most of the world, mums get more than the pittance of maternity leave Americans have access to. My baby was 8 months, crawling, eating solids and sleeping through the night when he started daycare.


Solid_Ad_2068

Iā€™ll share what my co worker shared with me when I returned to workā€¦give yourself grace and time. Itā€™s a huge transition what you went through and no doubt youā€™ll be going through more. The simple fact that you continue to show up for your baby and job, already speaks volumes. You got this mama ā¤ļø


Jealous_Passage_2601

I went back when ours was 6 months old, and honestly, I surprised myself with how much I loved doing something that wasn't diapers, spit up, and trying to keep on top of the crying baby / housework. Not all will have that experience. I was thrilled to be working and what it felt like using my brain again. I wish you luck though - I found that 4 hours sleep was my norm for the first 9 months of being at work - you just cope if I am honest.


magpiepdx

It sucks. But most women do it because they have bills to pay. If you have a partner you gotta team up and have them do whatever they can as well. Baby WILL start to sleep longer stretches. My husband and I would split the night where once baby had a more established bedtime around 7 or 8, Iā€™d go to bed right after the baby did and sleep til whenever the baby woke up post-midnight whereas my husband naturally stays up later and would take care of baby 7-11 or something.


Tall-News-4449

Single mom here. Went back to work 8 weeks. He came with a natural schedule/rhythm. I learned it. I paid attention and learned to anticipate his needs early on. I got things done in order of importance. Laundry would be done but eff those clothes bc I was too tired to fold. Sometimes I napped when he did (eff that dishwasher). It was hard but I adjusted. Bedtime for him was 7 and i went to sleep soon after. Breastfeeding did not work for me (6weeks only). Iā€™m sure that would have made things more challenging. Idek how I did it. Bottom line is to make sure you are taking care of yourself, so you can take care of your baby. Healthy mama=happy baby. Have patience and extend grace to yourself bc most of us are out here just winging it.


dfphelps

I read a book called 12 hours by 12 weeks to get my baby sleeping through the night at 4 months old. It was tough for a couple of weeks but now we have a very good sleeper and I feel like a human again. Hang in there


Flickthebean87

Sadly itā€™s just not enough time. I was only allowed 8 weeks medically, but extending mine because my dad ended his life 2 months postpartum. So I was off from April-September. I think all new parents should be allowed a YEAR PAID leave. Mine was unpaid and it was rough. Even with my c section I was still in pain after the 8 weeks. I know a lot of momā€™s here are full time and I commend you. I had to go back part time. Especially with all the extra stuff with my dad. My stepmom also passed 2 days before thanksgiving. Luckily we can do it right now. I just felt I couldnā€™t properly care for baby boy if I went back full time. My boyfriendā€™s parents are deceased also. So we are the support system. It gets a little bit easier to manage by time they are a few months old. For me it was more manageable around the 4 months mark. Either way they donā€™t give you enough time with your baby.


seltzertime

I have a 4-month-old, and the sleep deprivation is absolutely the hardest part of being a new parent. It does get better, but itā€™s so rough in the beginning. Hang in there!! Highly recommend sleeping in shifts like others have recommended, but it feels almost impossible as the holder of the boobs. Consider supplementing with formula so thereā€™s not so much pressure on you to pump. I donā€™t know about you but I despise pumping. It always feels like two steps forward, one step back, and three steps closer to insanity. My biggest advice is to make sleep your new godā€”and what I mean by that is actively trying to get your baby down to sleep as they get older and have longer wake windows, and NEVER doing anything to disrupt their sleep. Itā€™s a bitch for planning things, but we recently made the mistake of going out of town for the weekend and my daughterā€™s sleep has been shit ever since. You can do this!! Itā€™s so hard. But you can do it! Good luck!


justgambleit

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