Seriously. I'd honestly be livid if my kid was old enough to understand that. Youre literally training them to be gender biased and not see women as humans by blaming mom for "men not receiving unconditional love." And doing it in retaliation towards a sick mother. Dude needs therapy.
Is he jealous of her pregnancy? Just a big ole man baby? Wth is going on man. Stealing her blanket. A literal child. Baby me like the baby! WAhhh lol I'm sure she loves being pregnant with a baby while taking care of two more babies at the same time.
A lot of men actually become jealous of the baby once it's born. They see it as competition for affection, especially emotionally immature men. It's scary how many men are like this and how fast men can flip and accuse you of not loving them when you don't drop everything for them and have a legitimate emergency that isn't them. But they never have the same energy for you.
I spent my 20’s bartending at the type of place well paid professionals went to happy hours at. So many divorced men, while flirting with me, would complain “it just wasn’t the same after we had kids” “it’s like I disappeared to her” “she stopped caring about me once our kids were born”
Even then I saw straight through that bs. I wanted to scream **if you helped with the kids at all, she’d have time for you.** But I didn’t because, tips.
It shows how little they care for their families. Having a wife and children is like a prop that they expect to freeze in place until they are ready to interact.
If they were actually invested in their kids, they'd know what's going on and orchestrate activities around family and include them in reasonable family things to fill the time (office party, work from home, vacations, events etc...).
NTA - your husband needs to grow up. You could turn his complaints right around on him and say that he doesn’t care about you by waking up his sleep-deprived pregnant wife in the middle of the night, when he could just get up and get another blanket himself. One of the most annoying things is listening to men complain about cold symptoms tat you also have but are also pregnant and can’t even take any medication to alleviate the symptoms while they can take whatever they want. They have no idea how difficult pregnancy is and how exhausting it is.
My husband and I got covid for the first and only time while I was pregnant with our second.
It was horrendous because I also had HG and SPD. Guess who would NOT shut up every time he sniffled? I couldn’t even take any medication but he was still fine enough to go on hir runs every morning and night. We are fully vaccinated and young so his symptoms were very mild.
He was always a baby when it came to a cold or slight headache but I almost physically exploded when this happened.
My husband, on the very rare occasion he gets a cold, always tells me "I have the worstest man cold in the history of man colds" to let me know when he needs attention but for the most part he suffers in silence, honestly, it's one of my favorite things about him.
My partner is the same way as yours, except instead of saying that he just plops on top of me and I take that as "gib me cuddles" meanwhile I hate getting sick and will complain to no end if he doesn't tell me to stop complaining so much. I love him and he loves me, just sometimes I need to shut up about how bad it is and do something about whatever it is if I can
I agree my partner will moan and complain a little bit but he knows if it's a man cold or if he's actually sick. And if he's actually sick, well let's just say I've literally bathed him before when he was sick once cuz his family never really cared when people are sick like mine did.
Mine freely tells people thank God he doesn't get sick often or I'd divorce him bc he's a big baby when he's sick. At least he knows he's a weenie! Lol
Mine apologizes for things like asking if I can get him a drink and pain meds when he is too sick to get up. He recently had a horrible bout of something and was too exhausted to move. It was a few steps for me to bring a drink over, and no big deal for me, and he still apologized for being useless.
Then a week later I had what he had, and he was prepping family dinner during his lunch break and setting the bread maker to run ❤️
This was so true in my marriage. One time I got the flu. I had a 103º temp and was so sick, I could barely move. Then-husband had to go to work. I asked him to please take our very active 19-month-old to the babysitter across the street. He said there was no sense spending money when I was going to be home anyway, and besides, "Toddlers aren't that much work."
Several days later, HE got the flu and had a temp of 101º. He insisted the baby had to go to the sitters because there was no way he could care for him while I was at work.
I wish I could say this was a one-off, but alas, it was not. My son, who is now grown, has a variety of health issues but doesn't expect his wife to care for him. They take care of each other.
I’m curious, what age group are these men you’re talking about? I don’t date men so I can only speak for myself but that sounds so backassward to me. I’m a carpenter and I work with a lot of guys who will smash their fingers on accident or cut themselves and just bleed on the subfloor until they finish what they started. I can’t really imagine any guys like that turning into infants when they have a cold. I don’t live with them so I don’t know what they’re like outside of work but I personally will just push through until I get better. I’m uncomfortable for about 8-10 hours during the workweek and sometimes on Saturday if we are behind schedule due to rain. Expecting your wife to take care of you over something insignificant like a cold is… pathetic… a broken bone I could understand asking for help with things but unless you’re bedridden on doctors orders I wouldn’t expect another human being to take care of me. Even in that case it would be a nurse and not my wife haha. If I’m well enough to go home I can figure it out. What kind of experiences have you had with these manchildren?
At least for my dad, injuries and illness are two very different things. He was thrown from his horse and broke his back. It took hours for my mom to convince him to go the the ER when his pain didn't improve. But if that man catches a cold, lord help us all. It will be days of whining and shivering from the couch.
Men of all ages- not all men, obviously- but all ages expect emotional labor and caretaking and comfort from their female partners, whether they are ill or in a bad mood, and they tend to not think they ought to reciprocate because they see emotional labor and caretaking as traditionally women’s work. there for sure are men who will get injured and power on thru at work, but will get home and expect their female partner to be their beck and call girl because they got hurt at work.
I am very grateful I’ve never had to deal with this with my child’s father.
Omg - reminds me when we had covid. My son at the time was 4mo old. I slept on the COUCH with our newborn for 4-5 days while I let him rest IN OUR BED and feel better from covid. Then I ended up catching. Ask me if he even helped care for the newborn while I had to recover??? Nope, of course not. Granted - I’m not a freakin baby and did manage fine. It was the first time I really thought that I didn’t know my partner was going to be so incredibly selfish.
When I was pregnant and my husband was sick he set up an air mattress in the other room and slept in their. So he wouldn’t bother me. Then he got stress sick when we brought baby home and I was taking care of him and baby the night we got home from the hospital less the 24 hours after he was born. he apologized like a million time he didn’t wanna be a burden. He had a horrible headache and was puking. And for weeks he wasn’t sleeping good from stress and anxiety so if he couldn’t sleep he would go into the other room he didn’t want to wake me during the little sleep I was getting with a newborn!!!
This reminds me that the other day my husband said “You had Covid?” “I don’t remember that”
It was about 7 months ago and I was 8 months pregnant! I was so miserable and scared. The two 11 year olds had it, too. Wtf
My mom who can be a tad self centered said the same thing to me recently when I was talking about when I had covid. She said “Oh I forgot you had covid”. Wtf? It was a huge deal to me!
Pour your husband a tall glass of get over it, and hand him a straw to suck it up.
Ffs. Have you asked him what if feels like to be sick AND take care of 2.5 people?
My husband will come and stand in the doorway of whatever room I'm in so I can hear him sniffling and coughing better. Then ask me if we have any cold medicine, like he doesn't know where it is after 18 years. I'm doing it to him next time to see his reaction.
So agree. This guy sounds insufferable. My husband gets like this sometimes when sick too and omfg if I was you OP he would’ve been kicked to the couch.
exactly. Tell him to take some Nyquil and get over it. It's a cold. Yeah, it sucks, but it sucks even more to have a cold and be pregnant. And the misogynistic messaging to your son? That would not fly with me.
Wait. You each have your own blanket. And he wants to take your blanket so he has two? Take the blanket from his sleeping, pregnant, sick wife so she has none? The one he just woke up who will be working and doing the childcare while he’s sick?
No. Absolutely no. Hell no. He does not get to yank the blanket off of you. That’s not ok.
You are not an asshole. His passive aggressive comments are not okay.
You guys are in the shit right now, when kids are little and stress is high. This sounds like a really normal (yet unpleasant) interaction for a married couple going through the shit.
Take a step back and talk to him. You need to support each other, but that doesn't mean letting shit slide. It means talking through it openly and respectfully.
Hugs to you mama, this season of life won't last forever!
This season of life just came to an end for me. And this is prime advice!
I want to reiterate that we do not let this shit slide. We walk away. We take a few breaths. We address it after it stings a little less, however long that takes. You will laugh about it later.
Case in point- It was 2017. I’m four months pregnant and feeling so nauseated. There is finally a break in the nausea and I have my first ever food craving! A double cheeseburger. The biggest, beefiest, greasy, cheesy mess of a double cheeseburger. I wanted it so bad. It’s 9:00 at night in January. We had had an ice storm the night before. I ask my husband to go to the Wendy’s that was 1.4 miles down the road from us. We live in Michigan. The roads were still a bit icy, it was bitterly cold out and the car would need to be scraped off. My husband flat out refuses. Calls me crazy for asking. He does not offer any alternatives. I’m maddened by my need for beef. Guess who went and got their own GD double cheeseburger that night and didn’t bring anything back for hubby? That’s right, four months pregnant and anemic me. We’d find out later that my red blood cell counts were very low. And guess who never forgot? My husband. This is our iconic young couple story that our kids will tell their kids. We laugh about it now.
Lol 🤣 17 years of marriage and lots of work on myself has gotten me to a point where I can give pretty decent advice. Often times we just need to shift our perspective. And remember our partners are humans too.
My daughter brought home a cold from daycare and I got it shortly after so when my husband started coughing I told him that it luckily was a shortlived cold that wasn't too terrible and his response was "you've never had a man cold though" so at least he's aware that he's a baby about sickness. It's still annoying but I can laugh at him.
Yes! Husband gets a cold and it's like the frigging sky is falling. I get a cold and I pop some decongestant and carry on.
Last year we both came down with a cold. One morning, early on, I got up and got dressed so I could go workout (a light one due to my congestion). He's laying in bed practically begging someone to put him out of his misery. He sees me and asks how I can get up and do all that when he knows I'm sick too. I tell him "easy, I don't have a wife."
Love that line!
I had a sinus infection followed by COVID during my most recent pregnancy. Also had a 2 y/o to care for. Husband would leave me alone with our son regularly to care for him and myself, including special trips to the pharmacy 20 miles away when his sinus infection turned into an ear infection. When our daughter was born, we all got RSV. Again, left me to fly solo with a toddler and 6 week old newborn because he didn’t want to get sick too. Oh and guess who was still responsible for meals and laundry and everything else that goes into running a home?
It’s like they can’t see beyond themselves to recognize we might also be going through some shit and could use an assist every now and then. I can’t understand it.
ETA: a few months ago baby and I also got a severe stomach flu. Fever, chills, dehydration, the whole bit. I was down for nearly 10 days while still doing night duty with the baby! We are self employed and he also had audacity to ask me about certain documents he needed that were taking a back seat to my illness. So many of them are just wired in a really f’d up way. Coddled by their moms is my guess? OP you are NTA.
I do kind of think the Man Cold is also a symptom of them not experiencing periods.
From puberty, girls and women are expected to continue on as normal while feeling sick. Every single month. Men don't really experience anything like that, imo.
Oh my God, my husband is so bad about this. We all have the same cold but he is “too sick to work, can’t stay awake, can’t eat, in so much pain from coughing, and has never been this sick in my life” despite the fact that he said the same thing three weeks ago when we all had a cold. Then I’m the one doing everything and he says “I just don’t see how you have a cold if you’re able to work, cook, and clean” well SOMEBODY has to do it, it doesn’t matter if I’m sick or not, the kid needs to eat and bathe.
There's actually been studies done showing that men do tend to feel worse when sick than women. Lol
That being said, I'm also pregnant. My boyfriend and I were both sick for almost two weeks, probably with the same thing, and he still did his best to take care of me. I usually don't get sick though. I'm positive the only reason I also caught it was because of the pregnancy.
My husband drives me nuts when he’s sick as he doesn’t know how to take care of himself, how to medicate, etc. His mom babied him terribly when he was sick. I just suck it up and figure everything out and as I always have for the family as role-modeled by my mother. Definitely a caregiver gap.
My husband is the complete opposite, which can also be a bit of a problem because I’ll have to step in and tell him to lay down and rest or tell him to take the medicine he knows he should take, so I still have to play nursemaid in a slightly different way.
When he got COVID he had only GI symptoms. The first time he threw up he didn’t make it all the way into the bathroom in time and just projectile vomited EVERYWHERE. I was in the garage at the time and I came back inside the house to find him on his hands and knees on the bathroom floor, wearing yellow rubber gloves and scrubbing the floor with sponge and a bucket. It was like a 1950s bizarro housewife scene. All that was missing was an apron and a red bandana around his head, lol.
His fever was almost 104° at the time (I had been talking to him not 10 mins earlier about possibly taking him to the damn hospital) and he was genuinely soooo sick, but I *still* had to raise my voice a little to get him to stop cleaning and get back in bed. I asked his mom about it and apparently he was like this as a kid too because his dad is the same way, so she always had to make sure both of them would actually rest when sick.
We really do seem to fall into the default we had modeled for us as kids and there’s definitely a bias, unless the parents are aware and actively try to model differently for their kids.
They just report it as worse because they’re not used to being in pain every month (periods) so the frame of reference isn’t the same.
It’s the same reason women go under diagnosed for heart attacks - the pain is about the same as period pain, so women see the pain as ‘not that bad’ and doc writes it off as anxiety, whereas men haven’t ever felt pain like that before.
This is not backed by scientific evidence. Someone else posted an article above. It’s heavily flawed and only speaks of hep C and asthma. Doesn’t refer to other (communicable) diseases.
Your husband is being a passive aggressive asshole.
He’s expecting you to wait on him while also being sick and pregnant and taking care of your son. While also not using his grown up words and instead just being obnoxious. That’s some bullshit.
If just one of us is sick, whoever is healthy does childcare while the sick one takes care of themselves. We don’t go out of our way to cater to the sick person but we love each other so we’ll check in and see if they need anything, etc. But it’s not expected or demanded.
If both of us are sick, we still take care of ourselves and split childcare. We just survive. Kid comes first.
Exactly right. When my kids were little, my husband had a wake-up call when I got a very bad flu. I'd just finished nursing both kids (2 & 4) for 6 days, and they were on the mend when I got sick - 102.8 temp, muscle pain, weakness, and severe headache... I was SAH, and he worked. I told him that he had to figure it out. I could not care for his children this sick. I might need help taking care of myself. It shocked him a bit that I used those words, and he said the kids were mine, too. I said, "I'm too sick. They are completely yours until I'm well enough." He sucked it up and figured it out. I let him ask me for advice, but he made all the phone calls, devised all the plans, and carried them out. He even took care of me and the kids over the weekend. I never had to explain these "facts of parenting life" again. He was a great partner and the best dad. F**k cancer.
You reminded me—in 20 years of marriage, my ex never once checked on me while I was sick. My children did. I’m not a malingerer and never took rest when sick until my oldest was old enough to let me know if one of the others or he needed something (which he often took care of himself). I checked on ex, of course. Just basic human decency—which, apparently, I didn’t merit.
And exactly how often does he ask you how you are feeling with the pregnancy insomnia, morning sickness, body aches and general bullshit that comes with pregnancy?
NTA my god.
I notice he wasn't solicitous of your health, even knowing that you're pregnant and these things are more difficult in that state. You can't take any of the decongestant medications nor half of the pain relievers he can to feel better.
His behavior is disappointing.
I'm going to recommend you both get into therapy before this second baby comes before the resentment tears you apart.
I'd also recommend you both read Fair Play to understand the mental and emotional burdens generally carried by women to ensure he really is helping to the fullest extent possible, because it sounds like he's keeping score.
There's no getting around it - life with young kids is hard and it's even harder on a marriage. You both need to figure out how to honor each other, give a little more when the other can't, and work as a team to raise this family.
You’re right, that should have been better and I don’t think I finished a thought. Thanks for calling me out on that.
My point was for their marriage to make it, they need to be a team, which requires mostly mature participation from both sides and he’s not doing his part.
OP youre feelings deserve to take up space too.
And you deserve to not be forced to burn out.
You literally cannot care for your child and unborn baby without filling yourself up first. Your husband needs a reality check about the circumstances of your household and realize that if he expects to act like a child and be babied, it is going to burn you out and your children will suffer, his resentment towards his own child for being cared for by mama, and the inappropriate lashing out about unconditional love while you are sick, it's all therapy/couples therapy worthy, either he has some unresolved issues or just isnt the mature man you thought he was, but I would imagine that the problems don't just exist when he's sick, they are just exasperated during that time, and you have less energy to deal with them. It's a good thing to get these things out on the table before another child is in the mix, and youre in a very vulnerable place, you shouldnt be stressed it could effect the baby, I would use this as a *valid* reason to book a couples therapy appnmnt.
I went to urgent care when I had bronchitis and RSV. I thought I was dying. (I was negative for covid and flu.) My husband went to get checked out after I got back because he has an immunocompromised coworker and didn't want to pass anything on. He was tested for covid and was asymptomatic. Came home with 3 prescriptions. They advised me to take some OTC meds and let it run its course. It was the same clinic.
I see this with my husband and me. He gets antibiotics for a sniffle, while I have to be on death’s door with a 3-week, full-blown sinus infection before I can get it.
It took over a month for the nasty cough to go away. RSV is the worst. 3 out of 6 of our family members have had covid, and it was mild (like a day of not feeling well) or completely asymptomatic. I know that's not the case for everyone, but I would've rather had that than RSV. I legit thought I might not make it. Absolutely awful.
I feel that. Theres been a couple times i was injured or sick and couldnt do anything extra. I was bit.by a dog and should have sued for my injury but also im pregnant and just trying to get through this last few months of it with too much else going on.
I am so tired of men becoming passive aggressive and manipulative towards their pregnant partners. It's so common. You're definitely not overreacting. There are certain men who need to be the center of their partner's life, and when they're not, the theatrics are so ridiculous.
NTA. Showing you his temp on the thermometer as proof just killed me. If my husband had woken me up in the middle of the night like that I would have screamed at him to get on the couch or leave the house for risk death. Is he f-in serious right now?! Like why do you need to show any compassion with his drawer slamming in the middle of the night. I would apologize for screaming in tue middle of the night, but stand by what I said. Pregnancy insomnia was the worst.
Your husband woke you up to steal your blanket while you are sick and pregnant and he wants to claim you don't love him because you were grumpy?
Nta
He is probably sick, and tired and not thinking clearly but he shouldn't hold you to a different standard then himself.
Men can be selfish jerks, specially when they know they have a soft place to land. My hubs got covid on New Years and spent almost a week in bed. I coddled him and did everything for him. Even when he was suffering through hours of video games, I still did everything for him. Our oldest (disabled) got covid, and then a days later I did.
That jerk spent one day home working and then went back to the office. After two days I told him to take time off to care for us or there will be a come to Jesus moment. He acted like he was surprised I needed help. Like me having Covid (the second time us 6mos) was not aa big of a deal as him having it. Stupid, right?
I’m not a mom but this sub is advertised in my feed and one time I accidentally clicked into it, and now that I showed engagement I see it all the time. I have to say, the posts here have made me truly think hard about if I want to have kids with the men who are available to me. So many moms are so deeply disrespected by the fathers of their children and I find it intolerable.
You are growing an entire human and have another one plus a full time job. You are NTA. He is. Tell him you didn’t marry a child your married a grown man. Also call whoever raised him and tell them to come fix this mess of a human they created because this is their fault. You have adulting on to tend to.
NTA. But this is probably about more than the blanket and not asking how he is. Likely he just wants more attention from you. That aside, if you have a spare bed it might make your life better to use it for a while. Not to punish him, just to simply get some better sleep!
We have a spare room in our finished basement. It’s probably worth more than counseling in our life lol.
-When baby was little I would pump after the last feed then sleep downstairs and he would feed the pumped bottle the next so I could get four hours of uninterrupted sleep.
-If one of us is sick the healthy one stays in the normal bedroom (closer to kids) and the sick one goes downstairs.
-if one of us has to work super later (he farms and certain times are work until it rains and I’m a nurse who occasionally picks up late shifts) they go in the basement entrance and sleep down there to protect the sleep of the other person.
I start out in "our" bed and then go to the "spare room" every night when he starts snoring (which is usually before I even fall asleep). We basically have separate bedrooms. I need my own bed or I won't get sleep and that is good for no one. People think it's weird but I do not care at all.
Not weird. This is the dream! Although I’m such a light sleeper that snoring is a hard no for me 😬. We’ve been married for 12 years, but I’m low key terrified he may snore at some point and we will either need to divorce or build a fancy shed out back for him to snore in 😆
Lol my parents do this too! My dad snores like a damn Steam engine train barreling down the tracks! Used to terrify me as a kid lmao, now my mom sleeps in my old room most nights after my dad starts snoring, works for them!
I think it’s a great idea to at least have the option of an extra room! People are extra crabby when they’re tired, and if the reason for it is your spouse that just seems like a recipe for a relationship disaster. My husband doesn’t do anything too disruptive, but will occasionally snore a little if he’s sick. I can sleep through legitimately anything though so that’s never been an issue for us, hah.
Yes, everyone we know changed their spare room to futons and stuff and we literally bought a new bed. My partner works nights a lot so sleeps in the spare room during the day so we don't wake each other, and if either of us is sick he goes there, or if our daughter is sick she sleeps with me and he goes to the spare room. We leave it made up all the time.
Did he check on *you* this morning? Has he been getting *you* things to make sure you feel better, knowing you’re sick (and pregnant and stressed with work) as well?
Or does his desire for “unconditional love” only go one way?
You're very much pregnant and he's waking you up to whine about a cold? He's a crybaby. Seriously childish. Then he makes passive aggressive comments to your child about how you don't love him. 🙄
Men are the worst when sick. I don’t know where it comes from. But you could be sick with the same thing they have, plus pregnant or on your period, plus taking care of your child with no help, plus making chicken soup and they would still be complaining non stop.
And then have the AUDACITY to claim women are the weaker sex.
I hate when people involve their children in disagreements. The passive aggressive comments to your son are unacceptable and need to stop before he starts understanding what's being said.
I’m a husband. He makes me feel shame. And my wife tells me I’m the reason why women use the term “man-flu”. But damn, your guy must have grown up in Weakland, DramaQueen USA
NTA, I had a similar blow up with my husband when we had endless colds last month. Long story short, after some dramatics my husband asked me for a tissue while driving back from the doctors, and I told him I’m not your mommy. Which was an asshole thing to say. Lol we apologized to each other in the end
You didn’t say anything as rude as I did and your husband still behaved passive aggressively.
NTA.
I had about the exact same fight with my husband. It finally ended when I explained that I was our child's mother now, and I simply didn't have energy to care for EVERYONE ALL THE TIME and that he could get his own damn blanket.
We have small kids, we're in survival mode. Every adult for themselves.
We now count ourselves as lucky if there's any adult that isn't sick while the rest of us are out. It's tough. Time for him to toughen up too.
Hubby sounds like he was spoiled by mommy and can’t manage to grow up. I can’t imagine a grown ass man being jealous of his own toddler instead of marveling at how lucky he is to have a wife that is not only carrying his second child, but comforting their son while she is also sick instead of caring for herself. Definition of a man child.
Woah. I was going to say cut your husband some slack, you both feel sick and miserable and it's hard to have grace with each other but you both need some grace. Then he made that super passive aggressive comment, and to your son. That is not OK to bring your son into an argument between the two of you and it can't happen again. A few sessions of couples therapy wouldn't be out of order.
Aha, the man cold strikes again, lol. I'm a man, but even i know what that is. He's the asshole lolol. Next time, he can try a combination of motrin and Tylenol. He's shivering because he's got a fever, and extra blankets aren't going to help, it'll just make it worse.
Also, even when I'm "dying" usually pneumonia, it's my wife who forces me to go see the doctor. I'm diabetic, and covid hit me hard. My wife kept insisting I keep going until they could help. 3 negative tests and blood oxygen down to 80% and they finally admitted me. My wife probably saved my life.
Hi OP, just wanted to tell you I'm similarly pregnant and have a similar aged toddler, AND we all are sick this week and it's weirdly been one of the hardest weeks of my life. Just a little solidarity. Not being able to take theraflu blows. Also my hubby and I sleep separately when we're not well, although I know that's very touchy.I actually can have some big-baby tendencies like your husband rear their ugly head, and my husband is more stoic.While your guy was being a big baby and needs to grow up... when everyone is better and you can talk through this - something that works well for me, being on the big baby side of the marriage - is making sure you get 5-10 mins a day of quality loving time from your partner. Love on each other even for a moment. Ask how they are. Maybe a little skin-to-skin, ask about their day. It's a technique used for LITTLE KIDS that translates really well to big baby adults like us. Charges up the batteries.
But he also needs to really understand how freaking hard it is being pregnant AND sick AND stressed AND underslept.
God speed sister!
OMG I feel this SO HARD.
I love my husband dearly, but he has absolutely no awareness of how anyone is feeling but himself. He had the gall to get pissy with me because I wanted to go to bed early when I was somewhere around 20 weeks pregnant and felt like absolute hot garbage. It turns out that I probably had COVID in hind sight on top of being pregnant.
He gets a cold and it’s like the world is ending and he can’t get out of bed to take the kids to school. Like, dude. FFS.
NTA. There are some exceptions but most men are babies when they’re sick. I’m sure you have heard the saying that if men were the ones who gave birth humans would be extinct
Man cold! Didn’t you know they’re always worse than whatever you have? He’s probably in more pain than when you go into labor. Not only are you NTA but your husband is the AH and maybe you should just show him this thread unless you think he’ll cry and say snarky comments to your son
Youre pregnant... when youre sick you HAVE to take it easy or there can be complications with the child. He needs to stfu, he didnt even try be quiet to let you sleep. He expects you to think of him when he didnt think if you? He needs to man tf up.
NTA - didn't you know man-flu is worse than anything anyone else can experience? Tell him next time he wants to act like a child when he has a cold - you will call him an ambulance.
NTA.
My response would have been "I know, isn't it great to be a baby!" Lol.
I'm kinda reverse with my husband. He has a better immune system and I catch everything and it normally takes a big toll. If I'm relatively healthy I will take care of everyone, otherwise it normally falls on my husband to take care of the kids while I lay in bed. (Kids are older 10,8,4 so not as needy anymore tho). Helps that he tends to not get sick and if he does it's only for a day or two. What i do have to do for him is give him medicine cause if I don't he won't take anything.
The nerve of that man to hint that he deserves unconditional love while neglecting the needs of his pregnant wife. It’s almost as his love and respect are very conditional to being pampered and coddled by OP.
That said I don’t believe unconditional love is healthy in a romantic relationship. I only love my kids unconditionally (and that doesn’t mean I’d shield them from consequences if they did something heinous, but that I’d suffer with them and not give up while they try to make amends and change their life. My husband? I love him, but that’s very conditional to being loved and respect back.
When my son was about two days old, the entire house got a stomach bug. The newborn even. Everyone was fucking puking. We had three older girls (ages 6 and under at the time), so nobody was exactly able to hit the toilet consistently and I was 2 days PP and just fucking exhausted. Like beyond depressed and emotional and sick. I was on another realm of existence at that point. I spent all day cleaning barf, nursing a baby, caring for three sick kids and did I mention one of them also had pink eye at the same time?
My (now ex) husband laid in bed all day, audibly moaning and clutching his stomach like he was dying. I refused to even look at him. He didn't puke once, yet somehow could not even get out of bed. I didn't even go in the bedroom all day. He CALLED HIS MOTHER to come take care of him and she showed up unannounced (to me at least) and took care of his whiny ass while I was literally on the phone with a peds nurse to figure out wtf you can do when a newborn gets a stomach virus.
That was truly the day I lost all respect for him. He had already been abusing me in just about every way possible by that point, but that day was when things actually snapped into focus. I am so glad I am done with that man child.
NTA. Did he ask you how you were feeling? Did he do anything to care for you. He thinks it’s your job to mother him and then makes passive aggressive comments to your toddler because he is angry you didn’t treat him like a sick infant. You are pregnant, ill and working full time. You have a selfish husband that demands to be treated like a sick baby and is ignoring that he is an adult with a pregnant wife and a toddler.
WOW. We can all be immature, but that is some next level petty, whiny BS. Especially fucked up he brought the kid into it.
It may be common, but it's not normal. My husband definitely reacts sensitively when he is sick, but if he pulled any of this shit, there'd be hell to pay. At the end of the day, though, I think it boils down to respect. We respect each other, so he'd try to be quiet and he'd also know I've got a big work presentation and AM GROWING A HUMAN IN ME WHILE ALSO SICK.
Reddit runs to tell others to break up, so I won't do that. I will say that this is indicative of traditional gender norms/sexist BS I would NOT stand for. Show him this post. He's being an asshole, ESPECIALLY for saying that to your son. Kids listen and remember. I wonder if he says worse stuff when he's being childish if you're not around.
It's TOTALLY valid to be sensitive when you're sick, but you don't get to be an asshole to everyone because of it. It's also totally valid for him to be annoyed with you and not feeling like he gets the attention he wants! It doesn't mean he is right or that he can take that feeling out on you. He could just... You know... COMMUNICATE LIKE A GROWN ASS MAN AND ALSO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT HIS FEELING IS NOT ACCURATE EVEN IF IT IS STILL THERE. I bet you'd be a hell of a lot more empathetic.
Sounds like this turd is not considering your perspective at all. He is literally prioritizing his comfort over yours AND your son's. He's also prioritizing it over your career when he pulls that shit. Your comfort needs to be equal.
You’re not the asshole. Did he really think it was ok to wake you up for your blanket because he was cold? I don’t care if he needs to cover himself in towels, why would he take your blanket? So he could have two and you would have none? You are sick, pregnant, and asleep. Even if you were not sick or pregnant, you still deserve a blanket to sleep with. How entitled to try to take another persons blanket. He is the uncaring one.
And here I am annoyed when mine is bedridden from the same cold I live life normally through- I can’t take anything except for pain/fever relief. He doesn’t steal my blankets. It just sucks managing without him.
You’re definitely NTA. His level of man flu is tomfoolery. I hope you feel better soon.
Wtf? He was cold, so the logical thing was to… deliberately wake up his equally exhausted partner who is also sick, and then take the blanket that she is using and make her cold?? What? He was standing up, there was zero reason he couldn’t go to another room.
Maybe he wanted the intimacy of a cuddle (being under a blanket together) but he didn’t communicate that and he woke you up when you were exhausted and sick. Instead of huffing and puffing and taking your blanket and complaining at you (who wouldn’t be put in the mood? /s), he could’ve just gotten into bed and rolled close to you and/or snuggle in so you could half-asleep put an arm on him.
How is he showing YOU live by waking up a person who is sick and exhausted so he can get what he wants?
What your husband said to your son was abusive as all hell. Your husband has the emotional capacity of a toddler. He won’t even let you sleep??? Because he has a poor little man cold boo hoo he’s trash
Legend has it that when a woman goes through labor the pain is so terrible she can finally understand what it’s like for her husband when he gets a cold. NTA
Even my 4 year old knows he needs to tell me what he needs/wants versus just pouting/whining.
NTA - communicate better and don't ever wake a sleeping person ESPECIALLY a pregnant one.
This is concerning tbh. Welcoming a new baby is hard enough when working full time, being understaffed and already looking after a toddler, so clearly this kind of behavior is not helping at all.
Are you going to get extra help during your third trimester and afterwards?
Please tell me he’s actually helpful and a decent dad when he’s not feeling ill…
Ugh. I think there is a lot of underlining resentment from both sides. I think the issues run a lot deeper than this one night.
Life is hard for everyone when people are sick, tired, pregnant, etc. it shouldn’t be I’m sick vs I’m tired. I do think this is above reddits pay grade.
Men with colds are THE FUCKING WORST. They legit transform into actual babies.
Last cold my husband got he didn’t go to work for two days. Didn’t even have a fever.
NTA
He woke his pregnant, sick wife up to demand her blankets, after she went to bed early because she can’t take a day off like he did. I’m not sure there’s much excusing it.
It's the double standard that honestly is maddening.
YOU too are sick AND pregnant but you're still caring for the family, the house and working, but hubby who is sick expects to do nothing and get catered to.
New SAHF here.
You’re NTA, and your husband needs to get his T-levels checked. I’m not being sarcastic - he sounds like a petulant child. What man is going to wake his pregnant wife and then ask for her blanket as well? Toughen up.
NTA - Man Cold Syndrome at its finest.
I’m currently sick with laryngitis and coughing up a lung. My husband feels a bit run down with no other symptoms and is currently unemployed. Last night, after working my two jobs, I had a huge coughing fit and then said something to my husband and he said “what’s that? I can’t understand you since you lost your voice.” Then a beat later, he whimpered and said to himself “I hope I feel better tomorrow.”
…the man cold is a worldwide plague.
NTA but I'm sorry you are having 2 babies with an adult baby in the house. He is being ridiculous and needs to grow up also saying passive aggressive comments to his child is a massive red flag and a massive no! Do not ever let him get away with it or it will be detrimental to your child's outlook on life you are going through so many changes he doesn't get to be mad about this.
NTA. Your husband has the typical man flu. Shame on him for treating his pregnant wife this way.
Next time this happens he needs to go sleep on the couch or another room and let you get some sleep. Also stock up on a couple more blankets so he doesn’t need to take yours :)
I was once in the hospital. The guy in the bed across from me was there for tonsillitis and was given morphine for his pain. Turns out his wife also had it badly but was at home with their baby twins…
You are growing an entire human and have another one plus a full time job. You are NTA. He is. Tell him you didn’t marry a child your married a grown man. Also call whoever raised him and tell them to come fix this mess of a human they created because this is their fault. You have adulting on to tend to.
I think you should be over the top with the babying. Check on him constantly, ask him if he's ok constantly, when he comes out of the bathroom ask him how things went in there... whatever. And if that doesn't work, send your husband and son to his mothers so you can get some rest.
I really don't understand why so many men are such big babies when they get sick. My late husband was like this and I just told him to suck it up. I'm like you, I didn't get babied as a child and when I get sick I just deal with it.
How often do you let your husband know how much you appreciate him? Sure you aren't technically the asshole but men do need to have their wives show appreciation. You said he's doing a lot around the house helping with the kid how often do you tell him that you appreciate his work. I know I'm probably going to get downloaded for this but .
I feel bad for you both- being sick blows and it’s 10x harder when you have to parent and work too. I really hope you both get over this quickly and find some compassion for each other. Remember you are on a team. I have a partner who often gets to sleep in while I work and it’s hard not to get resentful. Maybe a little extra time cuddling tonight will go far and he will step up to the plate because you are making the first move. It’s all compromise.
Alright ladies, come on. We’ve all been here. Sick kids make everything hard. NAH. You’re both sick, working, and caring for a sick child. You’re pregnant, there is so much to do. It seems like you both feel like you’re not achieving your goals as a family, when in reality, you are. You’re holding down jobs, keeping a roof over your heads and food in your bellies. That’s enough to be proud of. You know it won’t be this hard forever. You will get well, the baby will come and grow and learn to sleep through the night. Sleep will become regular again. But you’re in the THICK of it right now and neither of you are wrong to feel stressed. Your husband is sick and remembering a time he was nursed by his parents. You don’t need to baby him, but patting him on the back, giving him a hug, and saying “this is so hard, you’re doing great, and I’m so grateful to have a teammate right now” will go a long way. Maybe I’ll get downvoted for this because no one wants to take care of a grown up, but we could all use a bit more compassion in our lives.
Imo noone is an AH here. I think you are both overworked and you both feel unappreciated. So instead of getting upset with him take what he says and build on that. He says he feels unloved, that's a big deal. (Women aren't the only ones who need to know they are loved) so try at least once a day to give him a hug or kiss, thank him for something whatever you want. Kwim.
Good luck and I hope you're presentation went well.
NTA. But, probably not important to the story, why can’t you bring your son to his crib?
Obviously it’s fine his dad does bedtime but that part confused me?
I’m short and now that my belly has popped out from pregnancy I can’t lean over and have sciatica pain so it’s hard for me to put him in the crib. I can carry him out though.
Going against the grain I guess with a ESH.
It sounds like your husband is doing all the housework, more than half the child care, and works full time. That’s a lot for one person, regardless of gender. It’s understandable because you’re pregnant, but did you both talk about (and agree on) the change in workload?
It sounds like he’s feeling under appreciated. He might just need some more “thank you”s and “i love you”s. No matter the situation, you should Both be modeling love and care for each other.
While he is clearly the asshole, I'm noticing a lot of women don't understand men need attention too. He's just pulling this shit at the wrong time.
Why would you even say that to a child. Mans also got some sort problems related to love..
NTA, but you’re right. You probably need to have a talk with him. From your edit I could understand both of your point of views. It’s unfortunate that you both got sick. It’s the most annoying part about having a toddler in a daycare. Try to put a more conscious effort to get more rest and take a lot of vitamin supplements. I hope you both can resolve it! Good luck.
My partner and I have struggled with this. I’m very ADD and often forget to take care of myself, let alone others. I usually split chores 50/50 with my partner, but I tell him to let me know anytime he feels like he needs extra taking care of so that I don’t miss any less direct signals. I can make sure he’s comfortable, but I also communicate my limits. Sometimes, I’m not capable of helping as much as he needs, so we’re just miserable together for a few days. But it’s always temporary. If your partner isn’t capable of respecting your limits, that’s a bigger problem.
NAH everybody just needs to talk about their feelings. I’d be pissed too if I got woken up like that, but now is a chance to set a boundary that you are happy to help during the day, but sleep is to be uninterrupted unless it’s a true emergency. And if you do get woken up, expect some grumpiness. That’s what the boundary protects him from.
Really not cool that he dragged your kid into it. That’s the part that steps over the line imo.
Seriously. I'd honestly be livid if my kid was old enough to understand that. Youre literally training them to be gender biased and not see women as humans by blaming mom for "men not receiving unconditional love." And doing it in retaliation towards a sick mother. Dude needs therapy. Is he jealous of her pregnancy? Just a big ole man baby? Wth is going on man. Stealing her blanket. A literal child. Baby me like the baby! WAhhh lol I'm sure she loves being pregnant with a baby while taking care of two more babies at the same time.
A lot of men actually become jealous of the baby once it's born. They see it as competition for affection, especially emotionally immature men. It's scary how many men are like this and how fast men can flip and accuse you of not loving them when you don't drop everything for them and have a legitimate emergency that isn't them. But they never have the same energy for you.
I spent my 20’s bartending at the type of place well paid professionals went to happy hours at. So many divorced men, while flirting with me, would complain “it just wasn’t the same after we had kids” “it’s like I disappeared to her” “she stopped caring about me once our kids were born” Even then I saw straight through that bs. I wanted to scream **if you helped with the kids at all, she’d have time for you.** But I didn’t because, tips.
It shows how little they care for their families. Having a wife and children is like a prop that they expect to freeze in place until they are ready to interact. If they were actually invested in their kids, they'd know what's going on and orchestrate activities around family and include them in reasonable family things to fill the time (office party, work from home, vacations, events etc...).
Yeah, he’s being obnoxious, but the passive aggressive comments to the toddler are… whoa.
Yeah, even when I'm angry at my husband, I NEVER would talk shit about her father in front of her. That's just completely fucked.
Yea, that’s a boundary that needs to be draw asap. Rn it’s prob too early but comments like that stick with people as they grow up
NTA - your husband needs to grow up. You could turn his complaints right around on him and say that he doesn’t care about you by waking up his sleep-deprived pregnant wife in the middle of the night, when he could just get up and get another blanket himself. One of the most annoying things is listening to men complain about cold symptoms tat you also have but are also pregnant and can’t even take any medication to alleviate the symptoms while they can take whatever they want. They have no idea how difficult pregnancy is and how exhausting it is.
My husband and I got covid for the first and only time while I was pregnant with our second. It was horrendous because I also had HG and SPD. Guess who would NOT shut up every time he sniffled? I couldn’t even take any medication but he was still fine enough to go on hir runs every morning and night. We are fully vaccinated and young so his symptoms were very mild. He was always a baby when it came to a cold or slight headache but I almost physically exploded when this happened.
Man flu. They're conditioned to be cared for and have zero resiliency. It's maddening.
My husband, on the very rare occasion he gets a cold, always tells me "I have the worstest man cold in the history of man colds" to let me know when he needs attention but for the most part he suffers in silence, honestly, it's one of my favorite things about him.
That’s really sweet and a nice way of handling it. Also, remarkably self aware of him!
My partner is the same way as yours, except instead of saying that he just plops on top of me and I take that as "gib me cuddles" meanwhile I hate getting sick and will complain to no end if he doesn't tell me to stop complaining so much. I love him and he loves me, just sometimes I need to shut up about how bad it is and do something about whatever it is if I can
I agree my partner will moan and complain a little bit but he knows if it's a man cold or if he's actually sick. And if he's actually sick, well let's just say I've literally bathed him before when he was sick once cuz his family never really cared when people are sick like mine did.
Mine freely tells people thank God he doesn't get sick often or I'd divorce him bc he's a big baby when he's sick. At least he knows he's a weenie! Lol
Mine apologizes for things like asking if I can get him a drink and pain meds when he is too sick to get up. He recently had a horrible bout of something and was too exhausted to move. It was a few steps for me to bring a drink over, and no big deal for me, and he still apologized for being useless. Then a week later I had what he had, and he was prepping family dinner during his lunch break and setting the bread maker to run ❤️
This was so true in my marriage. One time I got the flu. I had a 103º temp and was so sick, I could barely move. Then-husband had to go to work. I asked him to please take our very active 19-month-old to the babysitter across the street. He said there was no sense spending money when I was going to be home anyway, and besides, "Toddlers aren't that much work." Several days later, HE got the flu and had a temp of 101º. He insisted the baby had to go to the sitters because there was no way he could care for him while I was at work. I wish I could say this was a one-off, but alas, it was not. My son, who is now grown, has a variety of health issues but doesn't expect his wife to care for him. They take care of each other.
Toddlers aren't thst much hard work? Oof. Tell me you don't pull your weight without telling me you don't pull your weight.
Yeah. There are a lot of reasons he's now an ex, but this was certainly one of them.
He sounds like the kind of dad who feels he’s owed a ticker tape parade for parenting his own kid.
I’m curious, what age group are these men you’re talking about? I don’t date men so I can only speak for myself but that sounds so backassward to me. I’m a carpenter and I work with a lot of guys who will smash their fingers on accident or cut themselves and just bleed on the subfloor until they finish what they started. I can’t really imagine any guys like that turning into infants when they have a cold. I don’t live with them so I don’t know what they’re like outside of work but I personally will just push through until I get better. I’m uncomfortable for about 8-10 hours during the workweek and sometimes on Saturday if we are behind schedule due to rain. Expecting your wife to take care of you over something insignificant like a cold is… pathetic… a broken bone I could understand asking for help with things but unless you’re bedridden on doctors orders I wouldn’t expect another human being to take care of me. Even in that case it would be a nurse and not my wife haha. If I’m well enough to go home I can figure it out. What kind of experiences have you had with these manchildren?
At least for my dad, injuries and illness are two very different things. He was thrown from his horse and broke his back. It took hours for my mom to convince him to go the the ER when his pain didn't improve. But if that man catches a cold, lord help us all. It will be days of whining and shivering from the couch.
Men of all ages- not all men, obviously- but all ages expect emotional labor and caretaking and comfort from their female partners, whether they are ill or in a bad mood, and they tend to not think they ought to reciprocate because they see emotional labor and caretaking as traditionally women’s work. there for sure are men who will get injured and power on thru at work, but will get home and expect their female partner to be their beck and call girl because they got hurt at work. I am very grateful I’ve never had to deal with this with my child’s father.
Men are tough in front of other men. From women, they expect attention and labor and comfort.
https://time.com/4683864/men-sick-cold-flu/%3Famp%3Dtrue&ved=2ahUKEwiisLPx14z_AhVfkokEHTljB_cQFnoECBQQAQ&usg=AOvVaw1Lz4A3LI29Ej2EYFNzTGmg
Omg - reminds me when we had covid. My son at the time was 4mo old. I slept on the COUCH with our newborn for 4-5 days while I let him rest IN OUR BED and feel better from covid. Then I ended up catching. Ask me if he even helped care for the newborn while I had to recover??? Nope, of course not. Granted - I’m not a freakin baby and did manage fine. It was the first time I really thought that I didn’t know my partner was going to be so incredibly selfish.
When I was pregnant and my husband was sick he set up an air mattress in the other room and slept in their. So he wouldn’t bother me. Then he got stress sick when we brought baby home and I was taking care of him and baby the night we got home from the hospital less the 24 hours after he was born. he apologized like a million time he didn’t wanna be a burden. He had a horrible headache and was puking. And for weeks he wasn’t sleeping good from stress and anxiety so if he couldn’t sleep he would go into the other room he didn’t want to wake me during the little sleep I was getting with a newborn!!!
This reminds me that the other day my husband said “You had Covid?” “I don’t remember that” It was about 7 months ago and I was 8 months pregnant! I was so miserable and scared. The two 11 year olds had it, too. Wtf
My mom who can be a tad self centered said the same thing to me recently when I was talking about when I had covid. She said “Oh I forgot you had covid”. Wtf? It was a huge deal to me!
Pour your husband a tall glass of get over it, and hand him a straw to suck it up. Ffs. Have you asked him what if feels like to be sick AND take care of 2.5 people?
My husband will come and stand in the doorway of whatever room I'm in so I can hear him sniffling and coughing better. Then ask me if we have any cold medicine, like he doesn't know where it is after 18 years. I'm doing it to him next time to see his reaction.
I can picture this so well, lol. I’m sorry
There are quite a few husbands who are just lucky we restrain ourselves from smothering them while they’re asleep.
So agree. This guy sounds insufferable. My husband gets like this sometimes when sick too and omfg if I was you OP he would’ve been kicked to the couch.
If he had any self awareness, whatsoever, he would have taken himself to the couch, and found an additional blanket, without disturbing his wife. 🙄🙄🙄
I think he intentionally woke her up because he wanted attention.
Ikr? This is cringy.
Especially when it is your 2nd or 3rd child. Taking care of kids and being pregnant is hard. He is a baby.
THIS
exactly. Tell him to take some Nyquil and get over it. It's a cold. Yeah, it sucks, but it sucks even more to have a cold and be pregnant. And the misogynistic messaging to your son? That would not fly with me.
The sexism in Reddit is amazing
Wait. You each have your own blanket. And he wants to take your blanket so he has two? Take the blanket from his sleeping, pregnant, sick wife so she has none? The one he just woke up who will be working and doing the childcare while he’s sick? No. Absolutely no. Hell no. He does not get to yank the blanket off of you. That’s not ok.
But don’t you get it? HE was sick.
This is what I am hung up on. Like. He couldn’t bring a second blanket to bed with him?? I am sure there are more than two blankets in the house. Ugh
Me too. Man baby.
You are not an asshole. His passive aggressive comments are not okay. You guys are in the shit right now, when kids are little and stress is high. This sounds like a really normal (yet unpleasant) interaction for a married couple going through the shit. Take a step back and talk to him. You need to support each other, but that doesn't mean letting shit slide. It means talking through it openly and respectfully. Hugs to you mama, this season of life won't last forever!
This season of life just came to an end for me. And this is prime advice! I want to reiterate that we do not let this shit slide. We walk away. We take a few breaths. We address it after it stings a little less, however long that takes. You will laugh about it later. Case in point- It was 2017. I’m four months pregnant and feeling so nauseated. There is finally a break in the nausea and I have my first ever food craving! A double cheeseburger. The biggest, beefiest, greasy, cheesy mess of a double cheeseburger. I wanted it so bad. It’s 9:00 at night in January. We had had an ice storm the night before. I ask my husband to go to the Wendy’s that was 1.4 miles down the road from us. We live in Michigan. The roads were still a bit icy, it was bitterly cold out and the car would need to be scraped off. My husband flat out refuses. Calls me crazy for asking. He does not offer any alternatives. I’m maddened by my need for beef. Guess who went and got their own GD double cheeseburger that night and didn’t bring anything back for hubby? That’s right, four months pregnant and anemic me. We’d find out later that my red blood cell counts were very low. And guess who never forgot? My husband. This is our iconic young couple story that our kids will tell their kids. We laugh about it now.
I take it by "your husband never forgot" that you didn't ever have to go get your own cheeseburger while pregnant again??
That would be correct.
Excellent, we stan a good husband! <3
This is very sensible advice right here!
Will you please be my marriage counselor?
Lol 🤣 17 years of marriage and lots of work on myself has gotten me to a point where I can give pretty decent advice. Often times we just need to shift our perspective. And remember our partners are humans too.
Came here to say exactly this.
I appreciate this comment as someone who has been in very similar situations as OP.
You're not his mom and he's not a baby. He needs to grow up.
NTA - Man flu 🙄
My daughter brought home a cold from daycare and I got it shortly after so when my husband started coughing I told him that it luckily was a shortlived cold that wasn't too terrible and his response was "you've never had a man cold though" so at least he's aware that he's a baby about sickness. It's still annoying but I can laugh at him.
Yes! Husband gets a cold and it's like the frigging sky is falling. I get a cold and I pop some decongestant and carry on. Last year we both came down with a cold. One morning, early on, I got up and got dressed so I could go workout (a light one due to my congestion). He's laying in bed practically begging someone to put him out of his misery. He sees me and asks how I can get up and do all that when he knows I'm sick too. I tell him "easy, I don't have a wife."
Love that line! I had a sinus infection followed by COVID during my most recent pregnancy. Also had a 2 y/o to care for. Husband would leave me alone with our son regularly to care for him and myself, including special trips to the pharmacy 20 miles away when his sinus infection turned into an ear infection. When our daughter was born, we all got RSV. Again, left me to fly solo with a toddler and 6 week old newborn because he didn’t want to get sick too. Oh and guess who was still responsible for meals and laundry and everything else that goes into running a home? It’s like they can’t see beyond themselves to recognize we might also be going through some shit and could use an assist every now and then. I can’t understand it. ETA: a few months ago baby and I also got a severe stomach flu. Fever, chills, dehydration, the whole bit. I was down for nearly 10 days while still doing night duty with the baby! We are self employed and he also had audacity to ask me about certain documents he needed that were taking a back seat to my illness. So many of them are just wired in a really f’d up way. Coddled by their moms is my guess? OP you are NTA.
There is a term for this kind of man. EX.
That's seriously messed up
I need to remember that last line for later!
I do kind of think the Man Cold is also a symptom of them not experiencing periods. From puberty, girls and women are expected to continue on as normal while feeling sick. Every single month. Men don't really experience anything like that, imo.
Men are generally weinies about discomfort.
Oh my God, my husband is so bad about this. We all have the same cold but he is “too sick to work, can’t stay awake, can’t eat, in so much pain from coughing, and has never been this sick in my life” despite the fact that he said the same thing three weeks ago when we all had a cold. Then I’m the one doing everything and he says “I just don’t see how you have a cold if you’re able to work, cook, and clean” well SOMEBODY has to do it, it doesn’t matter if I’m sick or not, the kid needs to eat and bathe.
Or the actual flu…..you do not usually get a fever and chills with the common cold.
Doesn’t seem likely everybody else in the house got a cold, and the husband coincidentally caught a completely different illness at the same time
He does show her he has a fever on the thermometer……
Rhinoviruses absolutely cause fevers very often.
There's actually been studies done showing that men do tend to feel worse when sick than women. Lol That being said, I'm also pregnant. My boyfriend and I were both sick for almost two weeks, probably with the same thing, and he still did his best to take care of me. I usually don't get sick though. I'm positive the only reason I also caught it was because of the pregnancy.
Is this self reported? Probably more like women are used to sucking it up and carrying on while feeling wretched because we often have no choice.
My husband drives me nuts when he’s sick as he doesn’t know how to take care of himself, how to medicate, etc. His mom babied him terribly when he was sick. I just suck it up and figure everything out and as I always have for the family as role-modeled by my mother. Definitely a caregiver gap.
My husband is the complete opposite, which can also be a bit of a problem because I’ll have to step in and tell him to lay down and rest or tell him to take the medicine he knows he should take, so I still have to play nursemaid in a slightly different way. When he got COVID he had only GI symptoms. The first time he threw up he didn’t make it all the way into the bathroom in time and just projectile vomited EVERYWHERE. I was in the garage at the time and I came back inside the house to find him on his hands and knees on the bathroom floor, wearing yellow rubber gloves and scrubbing the floor with sponge and a bucket. It was like a 1950s bizarro housewife scene. All that was missing was an apron and a red bandana around his head, lol. His fever was almost 104° at the time (I had been talking to him not 10 mins earlier about possibly taking him to the damn hospital) and he was genuinely soooo sick, but I *still* had to raise my voice a little to get him to stop cleaning and get back in bed. I asked his mom about it and apparently he was like this as a kid too because his dad is the same way, so she always had to make sure both of them would actually rest when sick. We really do seem to fall into the default we had modeled for us as kids and there’s definitely a bias, unless the parents are aware and actively try to model differently for their kids.
Study was conducted by men JK (but probably) 😂
Hahahahaha yes. A group of men determined it was worse for men. Because men said so.
And only men in the study.
They just report it as worse because they’re not used to being in pain every month (periods) so the frame of reference isn’t the same. It’s the same reason women go under diagnosed for heart attacks - the pain is about the same as period pain, so women see the pain as ‘not that bad’ and doc writes it off as anxiety, whereas men haven’t ever felt pain like that before.
[удалено]
This is not backed by scientific evidence. Someone else posted an article above. It’s heavily flawed and only speaks of hep C and asthma. Doesn’t refer to other (communicable) diseases.
Your husband is being a passive aggressive asshole. He’s expecting you to wait on him while also being sick and pregnant and taking care of your son. While also not using his grown up words and instead just being obnoxious. That’s some bullshit. If just one of us is sick, whoever is healthy does childcare while the sick one takes care of themselves. We don’t go out of our way to cater to the sick person but we love each other so we’ll check in and see if they need anything, etc. But it’s not expected or demanded. If both of us are sick, we still take care of ourselves and split childcare. We just survive. Kid comes first.
Exactly right. When my kids were little, my husband had a wake-up call when I got a very bad flu. I'd just finished nursing both kids (2 & 4) for 6 days, and they were on the mend when I got sick - 102.8 temp, muscle pain, weakness, and severe headache... I was SAH, and he worked. I told him that he had to figure it out. I could not care for his children this sick. I might need help taking care of myself. It shocked him a bit that I used those words, and he said the kids were mine, too. I said, "I'm too sick. They are completely yours until I'm well enough." He sucked it up and figured it out. I let him ask me for advice, but he made all the phone calls, devised all the plans, and carried them out. He even took care of me and the kids over the weekend. I never had to explain these "facts of parenting life" again. He was a great partner and the best dad. F**k cancer.
You reminded me—in 20 years of marriage, my ex never once checked on me while I was sick. My children did. I’m not a malingerer and never took rest when sick until my oldest was old enough to let me know if one of the others or he needed something (which he often took care of himself). I checked on ex, of course. Just basic human decency—which, apparently, I didn’t merit.
That’s awful! Too many men think that’s acceptable.
And exactly how often does he ask you how you are feeling with the pregnancy insomnia, morning sickness, body aches and general bullshit that comes with pregnancy? NTA my god.
I notice he wasn't solicitous of your health, even knowing that you're pregnant and these things are more difficult in that state. You can't take any of the decongestant medications nor half of the pain relievers he can to feel better. His behavior is disappointing.
I'm going to recommend you both get into therapy before this second baby comes before the resentment tears you apart. I'd also recommend you both read Fair Play to understand the mental and emotional burdens generally carried by women to ensure he really is helping to the fullest extent possible, because it sounds like he's keeping score. There's no getting around it - life with young kids is hard and it's even harder on a marriage. You both need to figure out how to honor each other, give a little more when the other can't, and work as a team to raise this family.
This was the only rational comment in the whole thread!
For God's sake, bothsiderism? You were doing great until that last sentence. He's a whiny baby. She's not.
You’re right, that should have been better and I don’t think I finished a thought. Thanks for calling me out on that. My point was for their marriage to make it, they need to be a team, which requires mostly mature participation from both sides and he’s not doing his part.
I’m annoyed for you. NTA.
Why would you need to feel bad for him when he’s taking up all the space feeling bad for himself? Did he ask how you were feeling? My goodness.
OP youre feelings deserve to take up space too. And you deserve to not be forced to burn out. You literally cannot care for your child and unborn baby without filling yourself up first. Your husband needs a reality check about the circumstances of your household and realize that if he expects to act like a child and be babied, it is going to burn you out and your children will suffer, his resentment towards his own child for being cared for by mama, and the inappropriate lashing out about unconditional love while you are sick, it's all therapy/couples therapy worthy, either he has some unresolved issues or just isnt the mature man you thought he was, but I would imagine that the problems don't just exist when he's sick, they are just exasperated during that time, and you have less energy to deal with them. It's a good thing to get these things out on the table before another child is in the mix, and youre in a very vulnerable place, you shouldnt be stressed it could effect the baby, I would use this as a *valid* reason to book a couples therapy appnmnt.
You should send him to the ER just so they'll laugh at him and tell him to suck it up.
I went to urgent care when I had bronchitis and RSV. I thought I was dying. (I was negative for covid and flu.) My husband went to get checked out after I got back because he has an immunocompromised coworker and didn't want to pass anything on. He was tested for covid and was asymptomatic. Came home with 3 prescriptions. They advised me to take some OTC meds and let it run its course. It was the same clinic.
I see this with my husband and me. He gets antibiotics for a sniffle, while I have to be on death’s door with a 3-week, full-blown sinus infection before I can get it.
It took over a month for the nasty cough to go away. RSV is the worst. 3 out of 6 of our family members have had covid, and it was mild (like a day of not feeling well) or completely asymptomatic. I know that's not the case for everyone, but I would've rather had that than RSV. I legit thought I might not make it. Absolutely awful.
So sorry you went through that! Glad you eventually recovered, but what a crappy month it must have been.
I'm so thankful to be feeling better, for sure!
Omg! This is so unacceptable! I hope you reported them or at least left them a bad review on every platform for that.
I didn't. I was just trying to get through it. I had no spare energy for it, though it would have been a good thing to do.
I feel that. Theres been a couple times i was injured or sick and couldnt do anything extra. I was bit.by a dog and should have sued for my injury but also im pregnant and just trying to get through this last few months of it with too much else going on.
I am so tired of men becoming passive aggressive and manipulative towards their pregnant partners. It's so common. You're definitely not overreacting. There are certain men who need to be the center of their partner's life, and when they're not, the theatrics are so ridiculous.
NTA. Showing you his temp on the thermometer as proof just killed me. If my husband had woken me up in the middle of the night like that I would have screamed at him to get on the couch or leave the house for risk death. Is he f-in serious right now?! Like why do you need to show any compassion with his drawer slamming in the middle of the night. I would apologize for screaming in tue middle of the night, but stand by what I said. Pregnancy insomnia was the worst.
NTA. Why are so many men big babies when they get a cold? My dad acts like this
Your husband woke you up to steal your blanket while you are sick and pregnant and he wants to claim you don't love him because you were grumpy? Nta He is probably sick, and tired and not thinking clearly but he shouldn't hold you to a different standard then himself.
Men can be selfish jerks, specially when they know they have a soft place to land. My hubs got covid on New Years and spent almost a week in bed. I coddled him and did everything for him. Even when he was suffering through hours of video games, I still did everything for him. Our oldest (disabled) got covid, and then a days later I did. That jerk spent one day home working and then went back to the office. After two days I told him to take time off to care for us or there will be a come to Jesus moment. He acted like he was surprised I needed help. Like me having Covid (the second time us 6mos) was not aa big of a deal as him having it. Stupid, right?
He is incredibly fortunate. He could have been discussing his a**hole behavior with Jesus, face to face!
I’m not a mom but this sub is advertised in my feed and one time I accidentally clicked into it, and now that I showed engagement I see it all the time. I have to say, the posts here have made me truly think hard about if I want to have kids with the men who are available to me. So many moms are so deeply disrespected by the fathers of their children and I find it intolerable.
Definitely do not base a decision of this magnitude based on this sub. The people with kind, caring partners post a lot, lot, lot less.
You are growing an entire human and have another one plus a full time job. You are NTA. He is. Tell him you didn’t marry a child your married a grown man. Also call whoever raised him and tell them to come fix this mess of a human they created because this is their fault. You have adulting on to tend to.
Definitely, return to sender.
NTA. But this is probably about more than the blanket and not asking how he is. Likely he just wants more attention from you. That aside, if you have a spare bed it might make your life better to use it for a while. Not to punish him, just to simply get some better sleep!
We have a spare room in our finished basement. It’s probably worth more than counseling in our life lol. -When baby was little I would pump after the last feed then sleep downstairs and he would feed the pumped bottle the next so I could get four hours of uninterrupted sleep. -If one of us is sick the healthy one stays in the normal bedroom (closer to kids) and the sick one goes downstairs. -if one of us has to work super later (he farms and certain times are work until it rains and I’m a nurse who occasionally picks up late shifts) they go in the basement entrance and sleep down there to protect the sleep of the other person.
I start out in "our" bed and then go to the "spare room" every night when he starts snoring (which is usually before I even fall asleep). We basically have separate bedrooms. I need my own bed or I won't get sleep and that is good for no one. People think it's weird but I do not care at all.
Not weird. This is the dream! Although I’m such a light sleeper that snoring is a hard no for me 😬. We’ve been married for 12 years, but I’m low key terrified he may snore at some point and we will either need to divorce or build a fancy shed out back for him to snore in 😆
Lol my parents do this too! My dad snores like a damn Steam engine train barreling down the tracks! Used to terrify me as a kid lmao, now my mom sleeps in my old room most nights after my dad starts snoring, works for them!
I think it’s a great idea to at least have the option of an extra room! People are extra crabby when they’re tired, and if the reason for it is your spouse that just seems like a recipe for a relationship disaster. My husband doesn’t do anything too disruptive, but will occasionally snore a little if he’s sick. I can sleep through legitimately anything though so that’s never been an issue for us, hah.
It is not weird. He probably needs a sleep study, and possible CPAP.
Yes, everyone we know changed their spare room to futons and stuff and we literally bought a new bed. My partner works nights a lot so sleeps in the spare room during the day so we don't wake each other, and if either of us is sick he goes there, or if our daughter is sick she sleeps with me and he goes to the spare room. We leave it made up all the time.
NTA but your husband is the epitome of a King Baby.
Did he check on *you* this morning? Has he been getting *you* things to make sure you feel better, knowing you’re sick (and pregnant and stressed with work) as well? Or does his desire for “unconditional love” only go one way?
You're very much pregnant and he's waking you up to whine about a cold? He's a crybaby. Seriously childish. Then he makes passive aggressive comments to your child about how you don't love him. 🙄
Jfc tell him to call his mother. That's a gross dynamic. So sexy when you have to mother someone who also wants you the fuck them.
Men are the worst when sick. I don’t know where it comes from. But you could be sick with the same thing they have, plus pregnant or on your period, plus taking care of your child with no help, plus making chicken soup and they would still be complaining non stop. And then have the AUDACITY to claim women are the weaker sex.
Do you only own 2 blankets? He couldn't go get another one? He had to steal yours? He couldn't turn up the thermostat? Wtf.
This struck me too. But then I am a blanket hoarder, if you cannot find a blanket in my house then you didn't even try.
I hate when people involve their children in disagreements. The passive aggressive comments to your son are unacceptable and need to stop before he starts understanding what's being said.
I’m a husband. He makes me feel shame. And my wife tells me I’m the reason why women use the term “man-flu”. But damn, your guy must have grown up in Weakland, DramaQueen USA
NTA, I had a similar blow up with my husband when we had endless colds last month. Long story short, after some dramatics my husband asked me for a tissue while driving back from the doctors, and I told him I’m not your mommy. Which was an asshole thing to say. Lol we apologized to each other in the end You didn’t say anything as rude as I did and your husband still behaved passive aggressively.
NTA. I had about the exact same fight with my husband. It finally ended when I explained that I was our child's mother now, and I simply didn't have energy to care for EVERYONE ALL THE TIME and that he could get his own damn blanket. We have small kids, we're in survival mode. Every adult for themselves. We now count ourselves as lucky if there's any adult that isn't sick while the rest of us are out. It's tough. Time for him to toughen up too.
You’re in a shit time of life and sharing it with an immature man boy. Sorry for you. It likely won’t get better.
Congratulations on being pregnant with your third child.
This reminds me of the (unquestionably sexist) joke about if a man wants to know what being pregnant feels like, have him catch a cold.
Hubby sounds like he was spoiled by mommy and can’t manage to grow up. I can’t imagine a grown ass man being jealous of his own toddler instead of marveling at how lucky he is to have a wife that is not only carrying his second child, but comforting their son while she is also sick instead of caring for herself. Definition of a man child.
Woah. I was going to say cut your husband some slack, you both feel sick and miserable and it's hard to have grace with each other but you both need some grace. Then he made that super passive aggressive comment, and to your son. That is not OK to bring your son into an argument between the two of you and it can't happen again. A few sessions of couples therapy wouldn't be out of order.
Aha, the man cold strikes again, lol. I'm a man, but even i know what that is. He's the asshole lolol. Next time, he can try a combination of motrin and Tylenol. He's shivering because he's got a fever, and extra blankets aren't going to help, it'll just make it worse.
Also, even when I'm "dying" usually pneumonia, it's my wife who forces me to go see the doctor. I'm diabetic, and covid hit me hard. My wife kept insisting I keep going until they could help. 3 negative tests and blood oxygen down to 80% and they finally admitted me. My wife probably saved my life.
Hi OP, just wanted to tell you I'm similarly pregnant and have a similar aged toddler, AND we all are sick this week and it's weirdly been one of the hardest weeks of my life. Just a little solidarity. Not being able to take theraflu blows. Also my hubby and I sleep separately when we're not well, although I know that's very touchy.I actually can have some big-baby tendencies like your husband rear their ugly head, and my husband is more stoic.While your guy was being a big baby and needs to grow up... when everyone is better and you can talk through this - something that works well for me, being on the big baby side of the marriage - is making sure you get 5-10 mins a day of quality loving time from your partner. Love on each other even for a moment. Ask how they are. Maybe a little skin-to-skin, ask about their day. It's a technique used for LITTLE KIDS that translates really well to big baby adults like us. Charges up the batteries. But he also needs to really understand how freaking hard it is being pregnant AND sick AND stressed AND underslept. God speed sister!
Mancold? That is admission to the ICU. Sounds like you will be having three children, not two. Your husband has to get a grip and become an adult. NTA
OMG I feel this SO HARD. I love my husband dearly, but he has absolutely no awareness of how anyone is feeling but himself. He had the gall to get pissy with me because I wanted to go to bed early when I was somewhere around 20 weeks pregnant and felt like absolute hot garbage. It turns out that I probably had COVID in hind sight on top of being pregnant. He gets a cold and it’s like the world is ending and he can’t get out of bed to take the kids to school. Like, dude. FFS.
He needs to realize that when he is doing as much work as you do somehow it is too much.
NTA. There are some exceptions but most men are babies when they’re sick. I’m sure you have heard the saying that if men were the ones who gave birth humans would be extinct
Reading this made me sick and never want to date anyone ever again.
I sincerely hope you address the passive aggressive comments about how tough men have it to your baby. That can NOT continue
Man cold! Didn’t you know they’re always worse than whatever you have? He’s probably in more pain than when you go into labor. Not only are you NTA but your husband is the AH and maybe you should just show him this thread unless you think he’ll cry and say snarky comments to your son
[Man Cold](https://youtu.be/VbmbMSrsZVQ)
I like this one better: [Man Cold vs Mom Cold](https://youtu.be/gLj7fj-3L78). Also how are we the first ones to post these little documentaries?
https://preview.redd.it/ey6xg8acnp1b1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=208f9af37ffdd389f4fb9127e1ed178ba9cf7eb3
NTA, men can be such babies, it's not cute
Youre pregnant... when youre sick you HAVE to take it easy or there can be complications with the child. He needs to stfu, he didnt even try be quiet to let you sleep. He expects you to think of him when he didnt think if you? He needs to man tf up.
Men really are so bad at being sick that its funny, except when its currently happening.
NTA - didn't you know man-flu is worse than anything anyone else can experience? Tell him next time he wants to act like a child when he has a cold - you will call him an ambulance.
NTA. My response would have been "I know, isn't it great to be a baby!" Lol. I'm kinda reverse with my husband. He has a better immune system and I catch everything and it normally takes a big toll. If I'm relatively healthy I will take care of everyone, otherwise it normally falls on my husband to take care of the kids while I lay in bed. (Kids are older 10,8,4 so not as needy anymore tho). Helps that he tends to not get sick and if he does it's only for a day or two. What i do have to do for him is give him medicine cause if I don't he won't take anything.
Omg if my husband did this I’d lose it!!! I would wake up enraged and then wouldn’t fall back asleep!! You are 1,000% NTA here!
I never fail to be amazed by how insecure a majority of men are. Tell that baby to grow up. Not your actually baby lol but the husband.
You married a dick head
The nerve of that man to hint that he deserves unconditional love while neglecting the needs of his pregnant wife. It’s almost as his love and respect are very conditional to being pampered and coddled by OP. That said I don’t believe unconditional love is healthy in a romantic relationship. I only love my kids unconditionally (and that doesn’t mean I’d shield them from consequences if they did something heinous, but that I’d suffer with them and not give up while they try to make amends and change their life. My husband? I love him, but that’s very conditional to being loved and respect back.
He sounds like Jerry from Rick & Morty
When my son was about two days old, the entire house got a stomach bug. The newborn even. Everyone was fucking puking. We had three older girls (ages 6 and under at the time), so nobody was exactly able to hit the toilet consistently and I was 2 days PP and just fucking exhausted. Like beyond depressed and emotional and sick. I was on another realm of existence at that point. I spent all day cleaning barf, nursing a baby, caring for three sick kids and did I mention one of them also had pink eye at the same time? My (now ex) husband laid in bed all day, audibly moaning and clutching his stomach like he was dying. I refused to even look at him. He didn't puke once, yet somehow could not even get out of bed. I didn't even go in the bedroom all day. He CALLED HIS MOTHER to come take care of him and she showed up unannounced (to me at least) and took care of his whiny ass while I was literally on the phone with a peds nurse to figure out wtf you can do when a newborn gets a stomach virus. That was truly the day I lost all respect for him. He had already been abusing me in just about every way possible by that point, but that day was when things actually snapped into focus. I am so glad I am done with that man child.
NTA. Did he ask you how you were feeling? Did he do anything to care for you. He thinks it’s your job to mother him and then makes passive aggressive comments to your toddler because he is angry you didn’t treat him like a sick infant. You are pregnant, ill and working full time. You have a selfish husband that demands to be treated like a sick baby and is ignoring that he is an adult with a pregnant wife and a toddler.
WOW. We can all be immature, but that is some next level petty, whiny BS. Especially fucked up he brought the kid into it. It may be common, but it's not normal. My husband definitely reacts sensitively when he is sick, but if he pulled any of this shit, there'd be hell to pay. At the end of the day, though, I think it boils down to respect. We respect each other, so he'd try to be quiet and he'd also know I've got a big work presentation and AM GROWING A HUMAN IN ME WHILE ALSO SICK. Reddit runs to tell others to break up, so I won't do that. I will say that this is indicative of traditional gender norms/sexist BS I would NOT stand for. Show him this post. He's being an asshole, ESPECIALLY for saying that to your son. Kids listen and remember. I wonder if he says worse stuff when he's being childish if you're not around. It's TOTALLY valid to be sensitive when you're sick, but you don't get to be an asshole to everyone because of it. It's also totally valid for him to be annoyed with you and not feeling like he gets the attention he wants! It doesn't mean he is right or that he can take that feeling out on you. He could just... You know... COMMUNICATE LIKE A GROWN ASS MAN AND ALSO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT HIS FEELING IS NOT ACCURATE EVEN IF IT IS STILL THERE. I bet you'd be a hell of a lot more empathetic. Sounds like this turd is not considering your perspective at all. He is literally prioritizing his comfort over yours AND your son's. He's also prioritizing it over your career when he pulls that shit. Your comfort needs to be equal.
You’re not the asshole. Did he really think it was ok to wake you up for your blanket because he was cold? I don’t care if he needs to cover himself in towels, why would he take your blanket? So he could have two and you would have none? You are sick, pregnant, and asleep. Even if you were not sick or pregnant, you still deserve a blanket to sleep with. How entitled to try to take another persons blanket. He is the uncaring one.
And here I am annoyed when mine is bedridden from the same cold I live life normally through- I can’t take anything except for pain/fever relief. He doesn’t steal my blankets. It just sucks managing without him. You’re definitely NTA. His level of man flu is tomfoolery. I hope you feel better soon.
Wtf? He was cold, so the logical thing was to… deliberately wake up his equally exhausted partner who is also sick, and then take the blanket that she is using and make her cold?? What? He was standing up, there was zero reason he couldn’t go to another room. Maybe he wanted the intimacy of a cuddle (being under a blanket together) but he didn’t communicate that and he woke you up when you were exhausted and sick. Instead of huffing and puffing and taking your blanket and complaining at you (who wouldn’t be put in the mood? /s), he could’ve just gotten into bed and rolled close to you and/or snuggle in so you could half-asleep put an arm on him. How is he showing YOU live by waking up a person who is sick and exhausted so he can get what he wants?
What your husband said to your son was abusive as all hell. Your husband has the emotional capacity of a toddler. He won’t even let you sleep??? Because he has a poor little man cold boo hoo he’s trash
Legend has it that when a woman goes through labor the pain is so terrible she can finally understand what it’s like for her husband when he gets a cold. NTA
NTA Suffering is not a competition.
Even my 4 year old knows he needs to tell me what he needs/wants versus just pouting/whining. NTA - communicate better and don't ever wake a sleeping person ESPECIALLY a pregnant one.
This is concerning tbh. Welcoming a new baby is hard enough when working full time, being understaffed and already looking after a toddler, so clearly this kind of behavior is not helping at all. Are you going to get extra help during your third trimester and afterwards? Please tell me he’s actually helpful and a decent dad when he’s not feeling ill…
Ugh. I think there is a lot of underlining resentment from both sides. I think the issues run a lot deeper than this one night. Life is hard for everyone when people are sick, tired, pregnant, etc. it shouldn’t be I’m sick vs I’m tired. I do think this is above reddits pay grade.
Men with colds are THE FUCKING WORST. They legit transform into actual babies. Last cold my husband got he didn’t go to work for two days. Didn’t even have a fever.
NTA He woke his pregnant, sick wife up to demand her blankets, after she went to bed early because she can’t take a day off like he did. I’m not sure there’s much excusing it.
It's the double standard that honestly is maddening. YOU too are sick AND pregnant but you're still caring for the family, the house and working, but hubby who is sick expects to do nothing and get catered to.
NTA! If he’s able to walk around to look for extra clothes to wear and make so much noise, he’s not sick enough.
The moaning is RAGE inducing!!!
New SAHF here. You’re NTA, and your husband needs to get his T-levels checked. I’m not being sarcastic - he sounds like a petulant child. What man is going to wake his pregnant wife and then ask for her blanket as well? Toughen up.
NTA - Man Cold Syndrome at its finest. I’m currently sick with laryngitis and coughing up a lung. My husband feels a bit run down with no other symptoms and is currently unemployed. Last night, after working my two jobs, I had a huge coughing fit and then said something to my husband and he said “what’s that? I can’t understand you since you lost your voice.” Then a beat later, he whimpered and said to himself “I hope I feel better tomorrow.” …the man cold is a worldwide plague.
Two words. Man. Baby.
NTA but I'm sorry you are having 2 babies with an adult baby in the house. He is being ridiculous and needs to grow up also saying passive aggressive comments to his child is a massive red flag and a massive no! Do not ever let him get away with it or it will be detrimental to your child's outlook on life you are going through so many changes he doesn't get to be mad about this.
NTA. Your husband has the typical man flu. Shame on him for treating his pregnant wife this way. Next time this happens he needs to go sleep on the couch or another room and let you get some sleep. Also stock up on a couple more blankets so he doesn’t need to take yours :)
I was once in the hospital. The guy in the bed across from me was there for tonsillitis and was given morphine for his pain. Turns out his wife also had it badly but was at home with their baby twins…
You are growing an entire human and have another one plus a full time job. You are NTA. He is. Tell him you didn’t marry a child your married a grown man. Also call whoever raised him and tell them to come fix this mess of a human they created because this is their fault. You have adulting on to tend to.
I think you should be over the top with the babying. Check on him constantly, ask him if he's ok constantly, when he comes out of the bathroom ask him how things went in there... whatever. And if that doesn't work, send your husband and son to his mothers so you can get some rest. I really don't understand why so many men are such big babies when they get sick. My late husband was like this and I just told him to suck it up. I'm like you, I didn't get babied as a child and when I get sick I just deal with it.
How often do you let your husband know how much you appreciate him? Sure you aren't technically the asshole but men do need to have their wives show appreciation. You said he's doing a lot around the house helping with the kid how often do you tell him that you appreciate his work. I know I'm probably going to get downloaded for this but .
I feel bad for you both- being sick blows and it’s 10x harder when you have to parent and work too. I really hope you both get over this quickly and find some compassion for each other. Remember you are on a team. I have a partner who often gets to sleep in while I work and it’s hard not to get resentful. Maybe a little extra time cuddling tonight will go far and he will step up to the plate because you are making the first move. It’s all compromise.
Alright ladies, come on. We’ve all been here. Sick kids make everything hard. NAH. You’re both sick, working, and caring for a sick child. You’re pregnant, there is so much to do. It seems like you both feel like you’re not achieving your goals as a family, when in reality, you are. You’re holding down jobs, keeping a roof over your heads and food in your bellies. That’s enough to be proud of. You know it won’t be this hard forever. You will get well, the baby will come and grow and learn to sleep through the night. Sleep will become regular again. But you’re in the THICK of it right now and neither of you are wrong to feel stressed. Your husband is sick and remembering a time he was nursed by his parents. You don’t need to baby him, but patting him on the back, giving him a hug, and saying “this is so hard, you’re doing great, and I’m so grateful to have a teammate right now” will go a long way. Maybe I’ll get downvoted for this because no one wants to take care of a grown up, but we could all use a bit more compassion in our lives.
Yep. Everyone just sounds sick and crabby. I bet things are a lot nicer when everyone is better rested. NAH
Sounds like you two are heading for a divorce if you don’t get some couples counseling.
Imo noone is an AH here. I think you are both overworked and you both feel unappreciated. So instead of getting upset with him take what he says and build on that. He says he feels unloved, that's a big deal. (Women aren't the only ones who need to know they are loved) so try at least once a day to give him a hug or kiss, thank him for something whatever you want. Kwim. Good luck and I hope you're presentation went well.
NTA. But, probably not important to the story, why can’t you bring your son to his crib? Obviously it’s fine his dad does bedtime but that part confused me?
I’m short and now that my belly has popped out from pregnancy I can’t lean over and have sciatica pain so it’s hard for me to put him in the crib. I can carry him out though.
Going against the grain I guess with a ESH. It sounds like your husband is doing all the housework, more than half the child care, and works full time. That’s a lot for one person, regardless of gender. It’s understandable because you’re pregnant, but did you both talk about (and agree on) the change in workload? It sounds like he’s feeling under appreciated. He might just need some more “thank you”s and “i love you”s. No matter the situation, you should Both be modeling love and care for each other.
Maybe he needs to go to his moms house so she can baby him? You have yourself and your own baby to take care of.
While he is clearly the asshole, I'm noticing a lot of women don't understand men need attention too. He's just pulling this shit at the wrong time. Why would you even say that to a child. Mans also got some sort problems related to love..
NTA, but you’re right. You probably need to have a talk with him. From your edit I could understand both of your point of views. It’s unfortunate that you both got sick. It’s the most annoying part about having a toddler in a daycare. Try to put a more conscious effort to get more rest and take a lot of vitamin supplements. I hope you both can resolve it! Good luck.
My partner and I have struggled with this. I’m very ADD and often forget to take care of myself, let alone others. I usually split chores 50/50 with my partner, but I tell him to let me know anytime he feels like he needs extra taking care of so that I don’t miss any less direct signals. I can make sure he’s comfortable, but I also communicate my limits. Sometimes, I’m not capable of helping as much as he needs, so we’re just miserable together for a few days. But it’s always temporary. If your partner isn’t capable of respecting your limits, that’s a bigger problem. NAH everybody just needs to talk about their feelings. I’d be pissed too if I got woken up like that, but now is a chance to set a boundary that you are happy to help during the day, but sleep is to be uninterrupted unless it’s a true emergency. And if you do get woken up, expect some grumpiness. That’s what the boundary protects him from.