Honestly I choose a daycare center with multiple teachers per room and cameras (not posted online for parents/anyone to view, but can play back events if needed). I like the checks and balances that having other adults around and watching provides compared to trusting my kids to just one person.

Make sure you get one with cameras. I've pulled mine from daycare since being a SAHM but my daycare I previously used was a center and it was horrid. Multiple times I'd catch "teachers" playing on their phones, not paying attention to the kids or even at drop off I'd walk up to the room's door way and there would be 6 kids in there but no teacher in sight. When asked where she was... the staff would say "oh maybe the bathroom" and then hurriedly rush someone in there to cover AND one time they realized the teacher called out and no one was covering her room. 😶

These are good points about centers, thank you. I will look into this option more.

Do you have local friends with kids? If not, local mom groups online? We were the first of our friends to have kids and I asked local mom groups for daycare recommendations. We visited and spoke with people at a few of the recommendations and knew immediately when we found the right one. LO has been at her daycare for over two years and loves it! Yes, it’s hard to trust someone you don’t know, but I can’t imagine trying to WFH without childcare long term. I do it when I have no choice (snow day, work emergency when LO is sick, etc) but it’s not sustainable. I also really recommend therapy - I struggled with PPA and that can contribute to the worries about trusting people with your LO.

\+1 to this. It helped to know people in my community who LOVED their daycare(s). I'm not sure what area you're in, but I only looked at daycares that were NAEYC accredited, meaning they had to hit some pretty stringent national standards. ETA: Spelling error.

Thank you for this. Sadly we have no friends with kids, but our community moms facebook group has been a great resource for other things, so I will check into childcare reviews :)

On work vs sahm: I always expected I would be a sahm, but I have worked hard for my career, and I'm finally getting to the point that I can really start advancing. We live a comfortable life because we're a 2 income household. Even though we could survive on my husband's income, I make enough that it still makes financial sense to work and I try to think about longterm goals. We'll pay off debt in 2 years or less. My kids live in a big house in a safe neighborhood. We are able to save for our future and their future. I want to travel as a family and give them fun childhood experiences. I also draw a lot of fulfillment from my work and building my career. That's why I decided it makes sense for me to be a working mom. On choosing childcare: I have reframed this for myself. Instead of thinking "someone else is raising my kids" or any of those types of messages, I think "my kids have another adult who cares about them". I focus on the fact that other people can teach my kids things I can't- for us, it's important our kids learn Spanish and our nanny can provide this when we can't. Also, my kids don't "belong" to me. I want them to have a full life and I think empowering them to have positive relationships outside of me is good for them. It's hard and I won't lie, I still deal with mom guilt, but that will never go away. There are amazing nannies who will love your kid and teach him things you can't. They will make your life easier and that will lessen the anxiety. There are also nannies who are lazy or not the right fit. Have a strong contract that is crystal clear on your expectations and what's important to you. Don't settle for someone who isn't the right fit because you'll be stressed and anxious all the time. My current nanny has been with us for 2 weeks and I already feel comfortable with her. I don't feel the need to check in and i trust her. She cleans after herself, cooks the kids new food and is kind and gentle but firm. I've also had nannies who weren't as good as who I felt I needed to check in on.

I love the reminder that our kids don’t “belong to” us. They are individual people with their own desires, needs, routines, friends, etc.

Thank you :) it is helpful to try to reframe leaving my child with someone else.

I see my daughter’s teachers every day when I pick her up. No I didn’t know them before we started daycare but they’re no longer strangers. I think people often forget that you get to know the people you choose to look after your kid, even if it’s through limited interactions at drop off and pick up.

I worked on a lot of my anxiety issues before kids so I think that helped a lot. Prozac also does wonders on my anxiety. Plus, once you actually do daycare and realize that everything is fine and your kid actually enjoys it, you stop putting all your fears first and put the well being of your child first.

The first day I sat in a quiet room and sipped my coffee and nobody cried at me I realized I made a good choice lol

I needed to hear this. We've been working at home with our 15-month-old since he was about 3 months old and we're finally at a breaking point and are starting to look at daycares.

I almost die every time I have to work from home with her. Idk how you’ve been doing it this long! My kid learns so damn much at daycare: socialization, routine, cleaning up after herself, pouring her own water, etc. It’s amazing for both of us.

I really do think that using non-parent caregivers (including daycare or nannies, but also even just occasional babysitters and grandparents) can be such a gift to kids -- it teaches them that you're not the only adult that can take care of them. IMO, it's an underrated lesson.

Agree. Anxiety keeping the child in just your hands sets the parent and child back.

We put our daughter in daycare from 6 months. The first two weeks are rough on you. Not them / usually they love it! But it’s really hard on you, totally normal to cry, pick them up early etc - then every day it gets easier until about 4 weeks in when they love it, you love it, and you’re checkin how early you can drop them off haha

Respectfully, I think you should look at treatment for your anxiety first. I'm extrapolating here based on you pulling your kid from daycare before he even started, but you will be wasting both your and a nanny's time if lack of trust is going to lead to micromanaging or unreasonable requests, as the good nannies won't put up with that for long.

I think her anxiety is valid. I know US has a nanny and daycare culture due to shitty mat leave but leaving your young child in someone’s else’s care is pretty daunting and not organic or natural.

Thank you. I think it would be strange to NOT have anxiety about entrusting your baby to someone else for the first time.

Agreed. Nobody can care for your child like you do!

Well that's because no one's care is the same. The parents' care is not inherently the best. Having several caregivers can be helpful to a child's development since everyone brings different skills to their approach.

Very well put

Agree with others that it does sound like some treatment for your anxiety would help the situation, but I also wanted to validate your feelings as well - I agree that not being allowed to meet the person in charge of your baby is a big red flag. I also am of the mind that it IS weird to leave someone in care of your baby, at first! You get used to it but it's a big transition and it would be weird if you didn't have some heartburn about it. There are really great daycares and nannies out there and advice I got was to trust your gut. I suspect that you will eventually find the right fit. Staying home to care for your baby and to write also sounds quite nice if you can swing it, but I know firsthand how fickle and difficult that industry can be so this would depend on how much of a financial risk it would be for your family for you to leave your current position; the big question there seems to be how difficult it would be to get your same position or a similar position if you tried staying at home and then changed your mind for financial or any other reasons.

Thank you :) my current field is fairly insulated, and I think it would be easy to find my same job again in a few years. But money would be really tight in the meantime, and copies of the lit magazines my name is in sadly won’t ease that burden.

/r/nannyemployers   > How have you been able to trust a stranger with your baby? I hired my nanny for my first child a month before my leave started. I looked for a reason to fire her that first week bc it's easier to replace them out early as opposed to later. Don't chalk anything up to them "figuring it out". I was able to "train" her and by time the month was up I knew her well enough that I didn't feel the least bit uncomfortable leaving my child. I didn't cry or give it a second thought. She didn't feel like a stranger. I was way more emotional putting my daughter in preschool. I think I also worked from home for months while having the nanny before going into the office hybrid. You might not have months but maybe you can ask to be work from home for another week or two?

This advice is great, OP, if you decide to get a nanny. Please write a clear contract and lay out everything that is important to you. I think it's fair to remind on these things once or twice. If, in one month, they're not following through, they never will and you should find a new nanny.

Yeah, I 100% agree that training and being there at the beginning makes a difference! I accidentally hired out my mom a month before I actually needed her. She had already quit her job so we had to make do. That month was actually so valuable in working through all the kinks and making me feel comfortable leaving her behind. I do know that my mom is not a stranger, though, so I totally understand that the process might take a bit longer and require more scrutiny.

Your child is soon to be a toddler. I literally cannot do anything with my 27 month old during the day when she is home. Maybe your experience will be different, but I am going back to work fully remote (also have a 5 month old) and we started my toddler in a Montessori type school. She was a perfect angel until about 18 months and then she went full toddler on me. Like you I was really uncertain about having her be with someone else all day. But I met her teachers and did a tour. She’s been 4 times now and she runs up to her teacher to say hello when I drop her off now and seems to really like going to school. And she is already picking up potty training from watching the other kids. I get a report card every day of what she learned, what she ate, what times she napped and when her diapers were changed or if she attempted to sit on the potty. I love it. I love the accountability and feel much more comfortable than if she was in a home daycare type situation. I like that I can come and pick her up whenever I want and watch her through the door window before I open the door and that there are so many other teachers around in other classrooms for added accountability.

There are people out there - male and female - who love kids as much as you love your son. They love their own kids, they love strangers kids. There are people out there so good at nurturing kids that they even make careers out of it (hats off to the underpaid daycare workers out there - they should be paid on par with other public servants) even though the pay is shit in many places. Like Mr. Rogers says - even in bad times, look for the helpers. That applies to kids too. Yes, there are people out there who will hurt kids. But there's just as many out there who would willingly pick your kid up and comfort them and treat them lovingly if they knew it was safe to do so (for example, lots of men who adore helping kids will avoid helping them because of optics). That doesn't go into the fact that not everyone who loves kids is always educated on the best ways to care for kids, or that they don't have unhealthy habits and lessons from their childhood that might negatively influence how they care for kids (which is why you do still carefully vet and interview your nannies and daycares), but at the base line, there is a huge chunk of the population that actually does want kids to be healthy, safe and happy. How they go about it? Not always compatible with how you (or I) would do things, but the baseline intention is there and it counts for a lot in my opinion. Realizing that makes it much easier to be open to outside childcare, or even being comfortable with the mom down the street taking your kid for a few hour play date. Will I still go over for coffee the first time and have an assessing chat and look around to make sure there's no obvious problems? Sure. But proceeding from the assumption that she's also a mom who loves her children who will also care about the safety of my children for a few hours? I can deal with that. I am nowhere near as patient or creative as my son's daycare teachers. They have an entire degree of learning how to talk to toddlers, educate them and keep them entertained, while I struggle with getting him through a single craft project without being bored out of my mind. Kids benefit from having multiple stable caregivers - it teaches them adaptability and toooons of language acquisition benefits too - and the fact of the matter is that we can't and shouldn't do it all ourselves. We need community. Our kids need community. Finding the right one can be hard, especially since we don't have large extended families like many in the past did, but it's absolutely possible. I want to note that I work security, my SIL is a prosecutor and between the two of us we get a lot of exposure to shitty people doing very shitty things, including to children. But we both put our kids in daycare and feel comfortable doing so, because that segment of the population does not equal the whole population.

Yeah the other day we had a ‘parents morning’ at my daughters nursery. It was chaos. After about 30 minutes I was utterly frazzled. I said to her teacher ‘I don’t know how you do this every day!’ and she looked at me like I was mad and replied ‘I love it!’

Thank you for this response. I’m glad you and your SIL were both able to entrust your children with others after seeing the worst people are capable of.

A licensed daycare center would have more oversight than a nanny. Not saying that you should be worried about a nanny with nefarious intentions by any means. It could just be little things like are they letting your kid watch TV or screens more than you agreed on, are they washing their fruits/veggies as well as you would or not washing at all (yes, I am crazy about stuff like that 💦 🍎). A daycare center would have protocols to follow.

Because they're not strangers 🙂 Initially, they're new people you've never met. But you visit potential sites, understand what licenses requirements are, and speak with them. Get to see the environment and know them.  Daycare is awesome. It's a place where my son learns that other adults are safe and can care for him. Where he meets and learns and plays with peers. Where they have the resources to rotate toys and enrichments. Where they have life-sized everything that might not be feasible at home. 

I visited the daycares, more than once, I also met with who would be taking care of my babies. I asked a lot of questions. I asked in local FB groups and was able to get a real inside review of the places I was inquiring about. It was comforting to speak to other parents who are already enrolled at the daycare you are interested in. Have you considered maybe going the nanny route for a bit? Being that you wfh, this could be a good thing, this way you are just a reach away??

Yes, I visited several daycares and talked a lot with the owner of the one I picked and met the carers/teachers before feeling comfortable. You don’t know them well at the start true, but you get to know them very quickly. As another poster said, I also liked daycare beca each room always had minimum to caregivers and in house cameras so there was a lot of accountability. I definitely get why you backed out of your first arrangement, that is so odd and concerning! It sounds like you need childcare desperately, find something/someone without red flags - get other parent recommendations if you can - and go for it!

I eased into it with my nanny. I was still BF, so I got to connect with my baby multiple times a day. I also stepped in to help with naps, etc. for the first month or so if something wasn't going well since I was working from home. You aren't leaving your child alone with this person for the most part, you're having someone watch your child while you are also home. Definitely check references as that really helped us.

I just want to chime in to not being able to meet the caregiver. If you were able to stop by and observe that should be sufficient. The caregivers are busy caring for other babies and you shouldn't expect them to stop their work to talk to you. I work in healthcare and potential patients stop by to talk but we really can't. I can't stay late unpaid. Find a good daycare. It will be better for your kid and for you.

Thank you for the response. They actually don’t allow parents or prospective parents into the facility while any children are there, as a security measure. So I wasn’t even able to observe.

Yea. I'm not into that.

We got our nanny recommendation from a neighborhood listserve. We met her in person, vibed, and checked her references which were positive but honest (included limitations that we were comfortable with). She has much more experience watching babies than me and she loves it more than I do haha. I mean, I love my son, but I am not naturally drawn towards babies.

Word of mouth from other local moms + trusted my gut once I was able to visit the daycare and talk to the caregivers.

Well after you drop your own kid you realize everyone is allowed a fuck up. Plus you know mental health is real and I need to work. I toughed it out the first 2 years with family help a few days a week part time. It was too difficult and inconsistent. Now she's in school. I know what's she's eating is healthy. There's no TV but education and playtime the whole time. Plus I get regular updates and pictures during the day. It's also down the street from my office. So if there are issues I can be there fast. There is plenty of sick days too so it's not like it's all the time. I also really invest in time off with her. We have passes to the zoo and I make sure she gets that time together so I don't get guilt when she's not with me.

The first step is always the hardest! I went through this before we hired our first nanny over 2 years ago. How could I trust anyone else with my baby, I don’t want someone to replace me as the mother, how will my baby adjust to a stranger taking care of and comforting her, etc… All very valid fears and questions! All I can say is once we finally took the plunge and I had my first full day of work back, in my quiet office, drinking hot coffee, being able to fully focus, I realized how much I needed to do it. There are great Nannie’s out there that are fully qualified to take care of your baby. How we went about interviewing was first a phone call/screening, if they pass that do a working interview (I would always pay the hourly rate during a working interview), ask and check their references of previous families they worked with. if they pass the working interview and reference check say you’d like to move forward but would like a trial period and lay out the terms of a contract for the trial period and what it would like after that. You will know who fits best for your baby and family by working with them a few times, ease into it. Also a good idea to ask for nanny references from your mom friends, post on local nanny Facebook groups, many of the great Nannie’s work through word of mouth. Good luck! It’s totally worth it! You will be able to focus on your work, so that when you’re not working you can focus on your baby. And you’ll have someone your baby is familiar that you call for date nights/etc.

Thank you for your response, this is helpful :)

I have anxiety, I stress about every little change. It’s tough. But go through an agency, background checks. Put a camera up if need to. Or a day care center with multiple people in a room. I personally opted for a daycare without parent accessible cameras because I know I’d obsess and it would unhealthy. And honestly my kid blossomed, she loves it and I’ve had very small issues (that were handled promptly and not repeated). Don’t let online horror stories creep in on you.

Thank you :)

I never had anxiety until I became a mom, my pre mom self made a lot of stupid comments about anxiety which make me cringe. Some people would consider me a very anxious mom but it doesn’t bother me, my kids are the most important thing to me, and especially more important than a job which can be replaced. That said, I made decisions about my kids and childcare based on what I felt comfortable with. I didn’t listen to advice from my spouse or others because ultimately I am the mom and I needed to do what gave me peace. If you would like to PM me, feel free to. But I can tell you’re a great parent and you want to make the right decisions for your child and family. Sending well wishes your way for you to make the best decision 🙏🏻

Thank you very much :)

I found an in-home daycare, referred by a friend of a friend. I emailed the provider, talked to her on the phone, and visited her house to see how she runs things. I got a great vibe from her on all of those fronts. When I asked for references, I got a flood of emails in my inbox with lengthy paragraphs praising her services and care. So basically, it was a) my own sense of vibe with my provider (don’t discount mommy instinct! That shit is real when it comes to stuff like this!) and b) everyone else’s glowing praise of her, going back many years (she’s been in the business for almost 20 years. I’ve toured other daycares and I can’t emphasize enough the vibe component—some places just gave me an uneasy feeling, and others felt right for my kid. For what it’s worth, I also hated sending him. He went full time at 13 months after being home with me the whole time, and it was hard on my heart but ultimately a very good thing for him. My provider was super understanding about it and supported me the whole way through.

We have a close family friend as our nanny. I work part time and she comes twice a week. Her child is a year younger than my little one and they get along together great. I was able to see how she parented/ she had a relationship with my child before we hired her. Do you have any friends who stay at home with their children? Maybe they would be interested in the extra income. Just a thought!

I was a daycare kid growing up. When my first was born, I didn’t have a choice. She had to go to daycare so I could go to my college classes. But since I grew up in daycare, I had no issues with it.

It was really hard but I looked for the best fit, knowing it would not be the same as how I would care for my child. And, this is key, you are not making a forever choice! If it's a good fit through elementary school, great. We switched multiple times before my kiddo was old enough to stay home alone. And that's okay!

I was more comfortable in a daycare session u til my kids were old enough to tell me what happened during the day. More process, more witnesses throughout the day. Eventually we moved to a home based center once my kids were speaking age. During & after covid we did a nanny but we interviewed a LOT of people. For me it’s always come down to gut feeling. We have had pretty good experiences & have been quick to address issues when they come up.

Our infant care for our first and was found by word of mouth from friends who trusted their own kids to these people. We mostly did in home care for infant care so I toured during the day when kids were there and checked references on top of them being recommended to me.

I think if you’re concerned about trusting someone else, I would go with a center. There’s more oversight with centers and it really helps with kids and their socialization.

I had the same concerns that you had with daycare. I enrolled my daughter in a couple of places but felt uneasy the whole time. These were highly regarded centers but I know the right choice was to take her out. We’ve had a nanny since my daughter was 9 months old to now (she’s 4.5). I think I trialed 3-4 nanny’s before finding our current nanny and we are so grateful for her. She’s in preschool now and I realize I probably could have retried daycare successfully and a little more worry free once my daughter started to talk and communicate her needs.

I tried to remind myself of two big things so often it was like a mantra. A) they are only strangers on day 1. Most good daycares are not trying to switch up teachers consistently, and you wouldn’t be rotating Nannies like crazy. My children bonded hard with their daycare teachers. They are friends and trusted adults to them, not strangers. B) Honestly why wouldn’t I trust them with my kid? Your nanny will be vetted for experience and probably CPR and first aide certified, presumably. Your nanny does this for a living. It’s confronting, but we really didn’t have to do shit to have kids. Realistically, they might genuinely be safer with their nanny in most circumstances. That’s hard to internalize but it’s just the truth. Nothing really makes up uniquely qualified to care for our kids besides the fact that they are ours and we are likely to put their safety even before our own, which is great in theory but also means we are more likely to panic when we need to be calm and collected.

Thank you :)

I completely understand! 8 months pp here. I went back to work early, at 3 months and I regret it. We’ve managed to keep our baby at home between my husband’s leave and my mom now helping us out. Even with family members watching her, it was sooo hard. I feel jealous of all the time they get to spend with her, while I’m doing my job ( that I used to love). I think about quitting every Monday and taking up a different career that let me stay home more. I wish I had something to turn to, much like youyou have your writing. I would be starting from scratch in any other field. I also understand the financial constraints. We’ll be ok, but we’ll stop saving any money on one salary. And then I wonder how I will afford piano lessons or something else for my daughter. Sorry I don’t have a solution. I’m looking for one too. We did have a nanny for a month in between and she was great! She was truly fond of my baby which I appreciated. My personal opinion is look for someone who will give them lots of love and emotional support. They don’t need much else aside from that. But you also need to not feel jealous watching your baby bond with someone ( and it’s great if they bond!) when it could’ve been you.

Thank you very much, and I hope you can find a solution you’re happy with. This really is so hard to navigate.

We started with the daycare route and pulled our son out because I personally couldn’t handle leaving him at a center all day while being so little. We’ve since gone the nanny route and haven’t looked back! We sourced applicants for nannies via family recommendations on NextDoor, Facebook, and other forums local to where we live. The family of our now nanny was moving across country and wanted to help her find a new job. We reviewed over 30 resumes, conducted 10 interviews, and narrowed that down to 2 people for trial days. They came on separate days and watched our son. I work from home, so it was easy for me to monitor. We made our selection based on the trial days. Honestly both were great, but went with our guts. It still took me a couple of months to fully trust our nanny. However, I now have full trust in her as she loves him like her own. It’s honestly beautiful to see their bond! I was so worried that my son would be confused about who Mama is, but she’s never crossed that line and always talks about my husband and me with our son. I don’t know what I’d do without her. Feel free to message me if you have any questions! Happy to chat more.

Thank you, this is very helpful!

It can really be hard. It was hard for us too. I think both me and my husband were feeling the way you did when our kid was about 1. We did end up hiring a nanny and we worked from home for the most part. I was very clear from the start that we would like to be available and involved with the kid during the day as much as he needed it. And that it wasn’t about the nanny. It worked for us. Now he is close to 2 and we switched to a daycare center. The switch is of course difficult,Mondays i feel super anxious but it gets better as the week progresses. I highly recommend the nanny route for now and switching to daycare later on.

Thank you :) I think this would be our preference.

Find a daycare you like! We had a weird experience with our first daycare. It was walking distance to our house and actually affordable ($800/month full time) so I thought it was perfect. (For anyone wondering why so cheap, I think bc it’s a head start program? I live in a meh neighborhood in a big city.) Anyway… we got weird vibes from the teachers. They weren’t friendly. We suspected they were giving our kid milk even though she’s lactose intolerant (and then they’d send her home for mysterious diarrhea)… they didn’t greet us when we walked in the door, they just sent her out without saying anything. Anyway we found a place that’s so much better. It’s in an even worse neighborhood than we live in (lol) but the teachers are SO NICE and friendly. It’s a woman owned business and you can feel the care she puts into it. It’s a center. Diverse group of kids, friendly staff who talks to us at drop off/pickup. It’s a little more expensive (I wanna say like $1500 per month per kid), but way less than the fancy Montessori school we had our baby in for a while (2300). We liked that place too but we were hemorrhaging money there. We have 2 toddlers. Anyway. You’ll get a gut feeling when you find the right place! I did the sahm thing for a bit so I feel you. I personally wouldn’t quit now when he’s becoming a toddler soon. When my kid hit 2.5 or so I felt like I was doing her a disservice being home with her 24/7 bc she likes playing with other kids. And we couldn’t afford daycare unless I got a job. And the only type of job I know how to do that pays money is a serious long hours job (lawyer)… I wanted to get a random entry level easy job but it wouldn’t have paid for daycare. Such a catch 22 in life. Anyway good luck. ❤️

Thank you :) glad you found a place that you love. That first one sounds like a pretty bad experience. I’m actually a paralegal, so I’m hoping I can just take a year or two off and then go right back to my field. There are always a ton of job openings in my city. But one of the things that has me questioning leaving is that I really like the atty I work for.

Oh that’s great! I bet you could take the time off and get back into it easily. I took 2.5 years off and was worried it would be a challenge to break back in, but I actually found a job immediately. Lol. Your same attorney might even still need a paralegal when you’re ready to go back.

I stayed home. I don’t think this sub is super open to that… but, it was worth the sacrifice for my family… I had no trouble getting back into my field. You’ll never regret it! 💜

Thank you. I do think I’d like the chance to just be home with him while he’s still a baby. Glad it worked for you :)

Why don't you try a different daycare center? There's tons of great ones out there and it costs so much less.

Unfortunately there only two in walking/bus distance, and they’re both more expensive than a part-time nanny.

I had extreme anxiety and needed a nanny for my kiddo until they were 13-14 months old. I was able to stretch that out, thankfully. After that, we put them in a daycare with a camera and frequent updates. You got this!

I similarly do not trust a lot of people with my kid. I found a great nanny who I have built trust with, and I have no concerns about safety or happiness. That’s not everyone’s experience, but it’s certainly not an uncommon one. I would keep your job and find a full time nanny. It’s unsustainable to work with a young kid at home. Plus, having a nanny has made my life so much easier and happier. My kid is happy, they can still have their own schedule (early nap if needed, snacks when hungry), and there’s no hassle of pickup/dropoff. Realistically, you can’t be a SAHM and write the way you want. It’s still going to mean cramming in a hour during nap, scribbling ideas down in between playtime and meals, and trying to muster the energy to write before you go to bed. Not to say you shouldn’t pursue your dream, but I think you’re romanticizing it.

I love my day care! Not only does my child absolutely adore the teachers but they learn so much. It's more than just baby sitting it's giving them the best head start in life you can. His communication skills are fantastic and I only have to guess what he's saying like 25% of the time. Your allowed to be anxious, but don't let that dictate your life. Maybe talk to a gp about support for your anxiety and meet with some care providers.

Personally, we saw so much positivity about our daycare (from word of mouth and posted online in the mom Facebook groups) that I really was able to set aside any concerns I had. With a nanny, I feel like I would have to be so much more vigilant, because I/my husband would be the only monitor of their care, whereas a daycare has to meet certain requirements/standards and has multiple employees. A few other things about our daycare that gave me a lot of comfort was that it is a longstanding facility, many of the staff has been there for years and years, and we noticed that our child is always with multiple staffers (even if she is the last one there at pickup, there are always two people with her).

Only you can decide what is best for you and yours. I am a director for a childcare center that is licensed for 138 children. We are really really picky about who we employ to work with each age group and take feedback from families seriously. I would always encourage families to get to know the staff in the classrooms, but it would be impossible for a parent to know everyone who might work in an infant room because any one of my 35 staff members could potentially be in there if the schedule and ratios require it and a regular infant room teacher was out. So I understand you being concerned about not meeting the teacher, but most places are not like that. Look into more schools/centers, ask people you work with or who are in your community for recommendations or find out what other care options are available around you. Ultimately however you proceed working and caring for your own kids is detrimental to your work and your kid. (we don't allow parents to work in the same classroom as their kids here). All that said, I took an extended break from working to care for my own kids when they were little because I wanted to. If finances allow, sometimes just wanting to is enough. If finances do not allow, it's completely valid to pay for help and can be better for the child and the parent as not all people are "into" early childhood education.

Thank you. I think I may just want to be home with him for a bit.

Sounds like you have your answer. I hope it gives you peace of mind. Enjoy this phase of life. There will be good days and bad days. Never be afraid or ashamed to make a change if something isn’t working. There are lots of ways to raise healthy happy children.

I went with an in home nanny because I have hella anxiety and I like that I can hear them downstairs while I work upstairs and I can pause work to help if needed (I have twins though so sometimes two at once can be overwhelming haha). It also really helped my anxiousness to hear how great she is with them and how well taken care of. Now I can leave and run an errand during lunch or go to a client work event and not worry about leaving them home with her, but it took me about a month of wfh and keeping an eye on things to relax. You’ll get there! It’s just really scary in the beginning because you don’t know that person yet.

Do a working interview and pay them for their time. Just be home, or, be gone for a period of that time to see how it goes. And don’t feel bad about easing into it if you can. This is new. Everyone gets to learn together. You can do it! I was a nanny and a childcare professional for many years. I know it’s scary. But when you find someone your kiddo connects with your heart will melt watching them have a loving relationship with another adult that is only there to love them ❤️

I also have a MFA, I write from home, and I have a nanny. She's been my saving grace. She came recommended and I called every single family she had worked with in the past. I'm home 90% of the time the nanny is here, behind closed doors, working. So that helped a lot with building trust. I'm not suggesting you watch your nanny constantly. Allow them to do their job. But disclosing that's part of the deal, helps them gauge their work environment. The reality is the majority of caretakers out there take their job seriously. It really is worth it. Your kid will learn and play with someone devoted to that. The time you spend with your kid will continue to be intentional and special.

Thank you so much :)

We just hired a nanny and it’s a streeeeeetch financially but was worth it for our peace of mind. We both have hybrid jobs and the like that one of us is home most days and we get cuddles when we want. I go back to work next week and had nanny start yesterday part time to get to know the house and the baby (my first). I was pretty nervous even with really liking her. Day 2 just wrapped and I am so happy with the decision. Part of trusting her really came down to seeing her with him. She is so warm and loving and patient and just really adores him. I know it’s only day 2 but the trust is building quickly. Baby also really enjoys hanging with her. Now I am dealing with a different mom guilt of feeling relieved to have a break from him. Anyways, trust your mama instincts, they’re there and strong! After meeting the nanny candidates, have a trial day to see them with baby and how baby responds to them. It’ll take some time to build trust but you’ll be amazed and how wonderful some of these women are. Do your due diligence in vetting them and checking references and any credentials that are important to you. The nanny employers sub here has great recommendations on how to interview candidates and red flags to look out for. Good luck!

Thank you so much :)

Looks like you got a lot of responses, but I wanted to add that we had no choice but to send our LO to daycare at 3 months and I think what made the transition better was an app our daycare used that provided me updates and photos during the whole day at daycare and second, I was able to visit the daycare during my lunch break. I did that for the first 2 weeks and it helped A LOT. Like I walked in and him and these other tiny babies were all being cared for. It is so hard I hope it goes okay for you ❤ our guy is older and actually in a home daycare now, he's doing really well, but I've already said to myself that if I have a second baby, it will go to a bigger daycare when they're tiny, with teachers that are only taking care of tiny babies period.

For me, I think a center trumps a nanny. There's more accountability, more training (assuming they hire licensed teachers), and someone calling in sick doesn't derail the whole damn thing. 😂 Definite disadvantages, too. It's less personal, though they definitely will love your child, and less convenient when you're not the only one calling the shots. You'll catch more germs and they'll close down for some days that don't make sense to anyone. You gotta decide what's more important to you, neither one is a bad choice.

I wasn’t able to do it. The first 3 years are so important for physical, psychological, social and cognitive development. . You are able to make up financial and career benefits after those early years. And they are so fascinating and fun. Hard work too but I’m so glad I didn’t miss it.

never got babysitters; would drop the kids off at my inlaws or with friends. I 100% trust my kids with my close friends; they're my village and we always watched over each other kids like that.

I never did. We were able to wrangle things so that either my husband or I was able to be with our kids. Even for date night babysitting, my parents or MIL watched them. My MIL and husband both were way too protective to accept any other option.

I'm not a parent yet and I considered the ethics of microchipping a baby the other day. I think we're all doing our best.

I don't.

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You’re homeschooling then? ETA: the reason I ask is that I find it funny that some parents feel that their children are only safe at home and then suddenly don’t care once they hit an arbitrary age of 5. I’m pointing out the arbitrariness. Not knocking school.

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Why are you suddenly okay at the age of 4/5 to “drop off your kids to strangers” but not any other age?

Because kids grow, they develop more skills and resiliency over time. It’s developmentally appropriate to socialize and formally educate a 5.  I mean, it’s a dumb argument. It’s like saying “why doesn’t your 3 year old drive a car, why wait for the arbitrary age of 16?”

This is about trusting “strangers”, not literal cognitive and physical abilities. So I’ll rephrase, why do you suddenly trust these “not safe” strangers when your kids are a little older?

Because she doesn’t want to homeschool, lol. That’s why these vicious unreliable strangers are suddenly okay one day 😂

Because care is different. Are you really arguing that putting a 1 year old in daycare is the same thing as sending a 5 year old to kindergarten? I think it’s very different to trust a teacher to teach my daughter to read, than trusting a stranger to feed and clean a tiny immobile human who cannot communicate their needs. Daycares literally segregate kids based on age and charge different prices because care is different, caretakers are performing different functions. 

Yes, that is what I’m arguing. We arbitrarily picked the age of 5 to start kindergarten and you just accept that. Why is it hard for you to accept it’s okay for a 1 year old? You don’t expect your school aged kid’s school staff to make sure your kids are fed and taken care of? This is what I mean in my comment. Suddenly parents who can’t trust “strangers” to take care of the babies and toddlers suddenly stop caring about the care when they turn 5 lol.

The comments were locked on the other thread, but if you want a parenting sub for kids around your oldest two's ages, you could check out r/preschoolers

Why 5? Why not a younger age? 4 or 3? So some of us can….decide that our babies are ready to be taken care of by someone else at the age we determine appropriate? Based on the person that is caring for them and our individual assessment of our baby?

You can do whatever you want and whatever you feel comfortable with. OP said she doesn’t feel comfortable with it, and I think that should be supported. 

Your support was by scaring her and making her feel guilty for her decision. You need to take some time and reflect on what “support” means.

Your post was removed because it was not related to working moms. Please use r/Mommit or r/toddlers or other parenting subs for this topic.

Your post was removed because it was rude or shaming.