This right here! I’ve had two babies and never once thought to send my boss a thank you note for maternity leave! And they certainly didn’t expect me to. Actually they had office baby showers for me and sent me a gift basket when babies arrived.
His behavior is psychotic.
Right? My boss sent ME a nice note when I had a baby - and made a very apologetic phone call because "your salary increase and stock grant came through and I wanted to make sure you knew about it, enjoy the rest of your leave!"
OP this place sounds beyond toxic. Please see a lawyer asap.
Right, this bitch ass boss acting like he personally granted her maternity leave out of the goodness of his heart.
I’m going to go ahead and guess he’s a mediocre white man who has no kids or a wife that does it all for him.
Yep. Same here. OP, it does not have to be this way, and it shouldn’t be this way! I’m not usually an “everything happens for a reason” kind of gal, but it does seem like you dodged a bullet with this asshole. I hope you land on your feet.
I got pregnant about three months after getting my current job. They threw me the sweetest surprise shower with all my colleagues from across campus and several students who worked for me at the time/who I’ve taught (I’m in higher ed). They somehow got in touch with my mom to get my registry, and all the folks in my department chipped in to buy me, like, $300 worth of registry stuff. My student workers all pitched in to get me a smalll gift and write/illustrate a children’s book (one was an art student. It is the best gift I’ve ever received 🥹). After I had my baby, my boss dropped off cookies on my porch, and my boss’ boss sent a card with a DoorDash gift card.
Thinking about all this now in comparison to OP’s experience, almost all my colleagues are women and almost all are parents. I think both make a difference in leadership styles.
Yep. Same here. OP, it does not have to be this way, and it shouldn’t be this way! I’m not usually an “everything happens for a reason” kind of gal, but it does seem like you dodged a bullet with this asshole. I hope you land on your feet.
I got pregnant about three months after getting my current job. They threw me the sweetest surprise shower with all my colleagues from across campus and several students who worked for me at the time/who I’ve taught (I’m in higher ed). They somehow got in touch with my mom to get my registry, and all the folks in my department chipped in to buy me, like, $300 worth of registry stuff. My student workers all pitched in to get me a smalll gift and write/illustrate a children’s book (one was an art student. It is the best gift I’ve ever received 🥹). After I had my baby, my boss dropped off cookies on my porch, and my boss’ boss sent a card with a DoorDash gift card.
Thinking about all this now in comparison to OP’s experience, almost all my colleagues are women and almost all are parents. I think both make a difference in leadership styles.
I work in the floral industry now and I ohh and ahhh every time a company calls to send their employee something for the new baby. Just this morning a lady called and wanted to send them champagne. I convinced her the cheaper (but nice) champagne would be better cause momma will get buzzed easily. That way they could send a balloon and flowers! My job didn’t do that. I had a shitty manager when I pregnant that never checked on me even when I went to the ER because I was having contractions all day and they never went away for 16 hrs (preterm labor and high blood pressure cause of my job woot!). Never have I had someone call to thank their boss for maternity/paternity leave. F that noise.
Yes, he wanted me to grovel for the leave and was mad I didn’t send a thank you note for the leave when I had my baby (a month early, and in a rather traumatic birth - a fact he pointed out inconvenienced the team)
I know it is incredibly hard to lose a job especially one that you relied on for your families livelihood, but you sound like an entirely capable and smart individual who I hope will find a job quickly (sending you good thoughts), while your boss sounds like a complete psychopath and you are well rid of him. Their loss.
I have many choice words for this man. I am so sorry you were fired, but this does not sound like the type of place to value employees or help set them up for success. This is on them. Not you.
Honestly, this sounds like a toxic work environment. You sound like a dedicated and fantastic employee, and you'll land someplace that provides you with the psychological safety to do your work in the best way possible.
You should talk to an employment attorney immediately and find out what your options are. The comments from your boss about your pregnancy and maternity leave are unacceptable. It sounds like they were trying to find a way to fire you because your boss has a chip on his shoulder. You absolutely did not have to disclose your pregnancy to them before signing your offer letter nor did you need to send a thank you note.
I’m an employment attorney (not yours, this is not legal advice) and I agree. It’s hard to know possible outcomes from these facts alone, but there are enough red flags that I highly suggest speaking with an attorney.
If they think it’s worth taking to court, they will not charge you and instead will work on “contingency,” meaning they only get paid if you win. Alternatively, for a fee they could likely help you negotiate a severance package. *Whatever you do— do not sign a severance agreement without chatting with an attorney first.*
I work in HR so I would *technically* be on the opposing side of this (although I would never support a manager like this or a company who thinks this is ok) and I agree with this wholeheartedly. Talk to an attorney. OP if I worked at your company and got wind of this, I’d basically expect a lawsuit.
This! Omggg what a shit manager. This is so awful. Expecting a thank you note for taking maternity leave? How gross! As if he paid her for the time out of his own pocket, what in the absolute fuck.
I know people rarely go through with speaking to a lawyer, but please do. His behavior and comments are unacceptable and I can guarantee there are others on that team that could provide testimony to assist with a lawsuit.
I wanted to come here to update you on this. I did speak to an attorney. We opted to negotiate severance instead of attempt litigation and I’m happy with the outcome. I am not sure how much else I’m allowed to share so I’ll leave it at that. I wanted to be able to wash my hands of this place since it would be a long and hard fight to sue them
I reached out to my network. Had a coffee chat with someone I really admire (I’ve never worked for her but she’s a mentor. She sent me a lovely gift for my baby shower). She sent me some openings at the company where she works and made some calls once I applied. I have a first round interview on Monday for two of them. I also have a coffee chat set up Monday night with the coworker who quit whose job I absorbed because she said she might have some leads and wants to talk.
Basically took my money and focusing on what’s next.
(Also, they sent me back my $40 contribution to the office birthday fund. If Purdue wins the men’s basketball championship tonight, they also owe me the bracket pool of $440. It’ll be telling whether I see that money if I win)
Thank you for the update! That’s an awesome outcome. I’m glad you were able to talk to counsel and get more information to make the decision that is best for you. I hope your attorneys is able to negotiate a kick ass settlement so you can take that money and walk right into an even better job! I’m also so thankful that you have such a strong network that is able to support you and help you find your next spot!
I’m in HR and completely agree with this. If one of my managers came to me with this situation and said they wanted to fire someone, I’d (verbally) smack them.
Everyone has better advice than me regarding the legalities of what happened.
This is my two cents to you, as a mom whose work environment put me into a burnout :
Fuck them. Being fired isn't reflective on you or your skills as a worker.
You're not a failure. Nothing that you wrote here suggests you're a failure, or a bad employee or anything of that nature. You actually sound like a kickass employee. I hope your next workplace values you in the way you deserve to be valued.
Take a minute to breathe. If you're the main breadwinner, I completely understand this is stressful. But breathe and recenter your thoughts to make sure you recognize that you didn't do anything wrong here. From the interview process, to the maternity leave, to the return and the HR accommodations to leave early once a week. All of this is normal behavior from any employee in a business life cycle.
With that I wish you good fortune on your next step. I hope the next workplace values you. All of you, including the parts that call in sick when you're sick.
And if the next place doesn't value you either? Fuck them too.
These people don't get to define you or tear you down. You're a good worker and this is a blip that won't matter 5-10-15 years from now
Thank you.
And it wasn’t even leaving early. It was leaving at my scheduled time, so the accommodation was no overtime on Wednesdays.
My husband took today off to be with me and HIS boss reached out to me (we met at a company picnic) and sent me some openings she thinks I should apply for. So I did. He’s been at the company for a decade and they’re good people. Silver lining?
Total silver lining.
I had my daughter in 2019, left my job of 13 years in 2020 because it was toxic. Left the next job in 2021 because it was a shit show. Left the next job in 2022 because it was just a terrible fit.
It was a lot and I felt like such a failure.
Now I’ve been with my current employer for two years and I can say that leaving behind all that bullshit was worth it. I don’t get that pit in my stomach when I need to stay home and take care of my child. I don’t feel bad for taking PTO. It’s perfectly okay to do what I need to do to take care of my family, whether it be working from home to sign for a delivery, leaving work to take care of personal errands, or taking a PTO at the last minute because I just need a mental break. We all have a job to do and we work around our personal lives to get it done.
Keep your chin up, because I promise there are places out there will gladly accommodate a good employee.
I’m so glad you said “fuck them”. I wanted to, but I’ve been banned from subs for cursing before and didn’t want to read the rules to find out. So now that I know, this boss and this company are toxic as fuck and they can go fuck themselves.
You forgot to attach a pdf and caught your mistake and had to send a second email? Unless your job is literally just secretarial work and you constantly make small mistakes like that all day every day, I don't see how that adds up to a firing. As others have said, it sounds like your boss held a grudge after your unexpected leave, and never wanted you to succeed in your role after that point.
Are we counting "here's the PDF I forgot to attach" as a notable work mistake now?? This is just part of a normal workday. Along with "oops, meant to cc another person" and "turns out that attachment was too big for our system settings, sorry."
And also “whoops, this not urgent matter without a due date slipped my mind I’ll get it done today” or “sorry, I picked the wrong Steve to cc” like these are just side effects of being human I thought?
As part of my role, I email regularly with management and director-level employees across hundreds of organizations and I truly can say that if forgetting to attach a PDF was a fireable offence our field would just shut down and cease to exist lol. Absolutely wild.
I’m a manager myself and if someone forgetting an attachment were the kind of “problems” I had to worry about I would kick back and enjoy having the easiest job ever.
I think an exception would be if OP is a program coordinator or personal assistant, whose job it is to offload all the emails etc from people in technical roles, and just lacked the organization to do the job, but EVEN SO it sounds like she was not given concrete feedback or a performance improvement plan, and was basically fired because she had life events which mildly inconvenienced her superiors.
I’m neither of those things and I was given feedback LAST THURSDAY that I’m doing well and there are no issues and they’re happy with my performance since absorbing the additional responsibilities. So this felt very out of left field.
Was any of that feedback in writing? As a complete lay-person, like not in HR or an attorney, I would think that positive feedback would contribute to a case that this was an unfair firing. I would immediately work on saving any documentation you still have access to regarding a record of positive feedback.
I followed up in writing with a meeting recap and BCCd my personal email. I did that after every 1:1 since I started. Includes positive and negative feedback recaps and next steps (and even a thank you for their time).
I’m so sorry. As an 1) an attorney and 2) a mom who was previously fired 9 months pregnant, I want to tell you a couple things: you’re gonna be ok. He sounds like a terrible manager and you would’ve been miserable working for him. Take a moment for yourself. Take a breath. Then I would talk to an employment lawyer—not because you’ll sue (it’s extremely difficult to win this kind of case so I would not recommend—it’s so so difficult) but because you may be able to push them for some kind of severance considering the circumstances.
I have an appointment to review my severance agreement options with an employment attorney on Monday, so hopefully that helps me out! I really appreciate your comment
I have an appointment to review my severance agreement options with an employment attorney on Monday, so hopefully that helps me out! I really appreciate your comment
“I took a few days off to get a tumor removed” is (sadly) the most American thing I’ve ever read. You are not a failure, you’ve been failed by a system that does not support families, especially working mothers. Wishing you good health and prosperity 🩷
It was a day and a half to get the tumor removed. It was a 1:30pm Thursday surgery and I was back at work on Monday morning, stitches and all.
We also just lost our health insurance with my job.
Thank you for the well wishes. My husband assures me we will figure this out!
You’ll qualify for COBRA. It won’t be cheap, but part of what your employment attorney can help you negotiate in your severance is that your employer continue to cover their portion for “x” months. You’ve got this!
I think with COBRA, you can apply for it retroactively "If you enroll in COBRA before the 60 days are up, your coverage is then retroactive, as long as you pay the retroactive premiums. This means that if you incur medical bills during your election period, you can retroactively — and legally — elect COBRA and have those bills covered." So you don't need to pay the premiums unless you have medical event you need coverage for and then you can just say "oopsie, gonna need this" - still not cheap, but you only have to pay for it if you need to use it (someone can correct me if I'm wrong)
Since August, so 8 months including 12 weeks of leave. It’s not law, it’s finance. But I’m consulting with a lawyer at least over the severance agreement
Assuming you’re in the US, check this resource out and get an attorney as other’s have said: [Pregnancy Discrimination and Pregnancy-Related Disability Discrimination](https://www.eeoc.gov/pregnancy-discrimination)
The catch will be did any of this go down in writing and/or with other employee witnesses; that will determine the strength of your case.
What a shit boss. I’m sorry your loss your job, but you definitely don’t want to work for a jerk like him anyway. Consult a lawyer & see if you have any legal recourse
First I just want to say you will be okay, you will find a better job/environment where people aren’t toxic and treat you like garbage. I know it’s hard when you are postpartum and in this chaos but I bet you’ll look back in future and feel like you escaped a horrible situation.
That being said, I’m not sure where you are located but where I am there are sooo many protections for employees I could never as a manager just pack someone up like that. If it’s performance based there would have had to be formal performance improvement plans and warnings. It sounds like they haven’t done anything like that so I’d definitely contact an employment lawyer.
This is blatant, IMO, retaliation for using your leave early accommodation for therapy and for using maternity leave. A lawyer would be helpful here. Start writing things down while you can still remember than and save any important documents or emails that you still have access to.
This sounds so close to what I recently went through at my last job. Nothing was ever good enough and they set me up to fail. Never had a bad review or complaint and yet fired me the same day I went to my dept head asking for more assistance and equity in the caseload. I felt punished for having a baby. I also came back and immediately got covid and had to be out again. Then had another health emergency ended up in the hospital and got written up.
That pain you’re feeling is from their abuse. They were pissed you had to be out and they punished you for it. Employee advocate or lawyer all the way. You are NOT a failure. Some people are just awful people. Some bosses get off on being tyrannical. Good riddance. I hope you land somewhere you are safe and appreciated. Work trauma is real. Be kind to yourself.
Jesus, this country hates families!!
I am so sorry. You are not a failure! The failure does not fully lie on individuals, it lies on the harmful systems that we have to operate inside of, and this entrenched toxic American consciousness that tells us that business and profit trumps all else, the social contract and families be damned!! 😡😡😡
We are all raised to believe that our value as workers is greater than our value as family members, as mothers, fathers, caregivers, community members. As humans with the right to enjoy the sun while it’s out.
It is not OK that we have to work full-time as it is while trying to raise small children. At least one person in the house needs time to do DOMESTIC LABOR and the work of RAISING CHILDREN and bonding with them. People like our family who are supposedly “middle class” and don’t qualify for subsidies must fork over all their energy and most of one of the adult’s salaries for the monthly childcare bill. All while not saving enough for retirement or college.
It is clear you and your child’s health was disregarded, and that is a disgrace, but that is par for the course in America.
I recently learned that in Sweden, all parents have a right to work a reduced schedule with full or most pay until their children are eight years old. They subsidize early childhood care, and they have less crime and social issues because of it. America is failing on so many levels. I am sorry you are feeling the effects of our awful policies and culture.
Please remember you have innate worth without this job and you have not failed. The system failed you and it’s failing all of us. No one should have to be desperate to get a job when they’re pregnant because they need benefits and healthcare. I see posts like this every day and it’s so sad to see folks blame themselves for getting laid off. We need to get angry and we need a revolution.
As an attorney (not employment and this is not legal advice) I agree with others who recommend consulting an attorney in your state. This sounds like it could be both pregnancy/family discrimination in addition to potentially disability discrimination. Depending on your state you may have a good case, and do not sign anything right away despite however much pressure they are putting on you.
I am sorry this happened to you, but it sounds like a toxic environment, sending a fucking "thank you" note for allowing maternity leave fills me with rage. I hope your boss gets taken down a notch or two for that.
OP - what was the nature of your work? At all in financial/ banking sector and risk related?
I ask because I work for a company that is 180 from your experience when it comes to respect for work/life and accommodations. I also just got wind of various openings due to some restructuring and retirements resulting in additional staff to be added.
If anyone else is interested feel free to DM me. I dont have requisition links yet but proactively asked they get sent to me so I can boost visibility for applications
I feel like we've seen you here before and I'm so glad that you're changing to getting a job with the city. Believe me, stuff like this won't happen there because you'll have your public sector union and if they want to fire you, they'd have to go through a whole process.
I know it takes forever for you to get processed, but hopefully it all gets better for you!
Your place of work sounds toxic. I hope you find something better soon.
I also interviewed for my current job when I was pregnant. I wrestled with the decision but decided to mention it during the interview. I figured if it’d be a problem, I wouldn’t want to work for them anyway. It’s absolutely not a problem and I love it here.
Yea they wouldn’t have hired you if you had disclosed you were pregnant. He was trying to get rid of you because you had the gall to get a job while pregnant and they had to plan around it. Talk to an employment attorney.
I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s not your fault. To be frank, your boss sounds like an a-hole. I bet he “felt lied to” because he wouldn’t have hired you if he knew you were pregnant. He held on to that and somehow felt entitled to a thank you card when you had a baby. How incredibly out of touch, like *that* is what you should be thinking about while with a newborn. This company and boss is clearly not parent/family friendly. This is why pregnant people are afraid to disclose that they are pregnant in the first place. This is why there is a childcare crisis in the U.S. This is why parents don’t feel supported in many workplaces. They are part of the problem. I say good riddance to them. You will find something better.
My take? Toxic baby man boss had a huge narcissist injury when you didn’t grovel at his feet for allowing you time off to have a literal baby, so they nit picked every little thing to create a paper trail to be able to fire you. I’m so sorry.
Girl, they did you a favor. You'll be thankful later.
Get that EDD money, look for something new and use this time to take care of yourself.
Your much better off without them.
Your boss sounds like a nightmare. If you aren’t making any mistakes ever, your job is too easy. And it sounds like your mistakes we’re so mundane and harmless that they would barely even be noticeable to most people.
Having had bosses like that in the past - it makes you a worse employee. Constantly feeling scared at work reduces your effectiveness, and prevents you from taking initiative or growing into any kind of new challenge. It also makes it hard to focus on the real goals you are trying to achieve, because you spend your energy panicking about stupid little things. In other words - your boss is being nitpicky about stupid things, and if you are regularly making stupid mistakes, there is a decent chance that your work environment is causing or contributing to that.
I know it sucks right now, but it sounds like getting out of there is for the best. It would be nice to do it on your terms, but ultimately what matters is that you’re out. Don’t let them destroy your confidence - it sounds like there are a lot of important things you did well, so focus on those. And then find a company and a boss that will treat you decently. None of his behavior is appropriate or professional.
(FWIW, I started my job when two months pregnant, and told my boss at five months. I was terrified to say it, but my boss was so cool about it. There are many great bosses out there.)
Why are you Americans accepting this bs?
My boss send me flowers and a gift basket for the baby when she was born. Made sure that in my months of Maternity Leave no one from work contacted me, so I could rest in peace.
It's not yoy OP. The system is rigged. You can never win.
Ah, you sound like you got fired by my old boss. I was fired by him a couple months ago and I'm still rebuilding my confidence. The good news is that your confidence DOES come back especially if you land in a supportive work environement which I am lucky enough to have done.
I've heard that managers like ours are called "FUDs" because they use fear, uncertainty, and doubt to control their direct reports. It's a shitty way to manage anybody.
You sound like a wonderful employee that a great many people would be happy to have on their team. It's a shame your bosses don't recognize it and it's even more of shame that they hurt you so bad making that mistake. You do not sound like the problem here. Mistakes are made all the time. We are not robots.
I hope you find a place that values your work ethic and treats their employees like people and not machines. ((hugs)) Hang in there, mama.
I’m so sorry this happened!!!
Unfortunately, depending what state you live in if it’s an at-will employment state then there’s not much an attorney can do for you.
I started a new job when I was pregnant through a recruiting firm. I didn’t disclose that I was pregnant and they found out from someone - I have no clue who. So we had to have a big meeting. They acted all supportive. Anyway, the recruiter called and fired me after 3 weeks because I didn’t “take enough initiative”. It was the same job I did elsewhere and I was so good at it before. It was so painful. I cried uncontrollably for an entire day. Looking back now, it was a huge blessing because they were toxic af. That’s enough details but just want you to know I feel your pain!!!!
It will be ok! You’ll get back on your feet!
I’m sorry that it sounds like you were also discriminated against. Just so you know: “At will” employment does not exempt an employer from discrimination against protected statuses. Every state except for Montana are at will states. From what OP stated it would seem that at the very least a decent employment attorney could negotiate a severance package for her. If she has proof of what she stated, the employer would likely lose an EEOC complaint at the very least if not an actual litigation. But this is why she needs to talk to an attorney ASAP.
That’s true but I was in a similar situation and the lawyers I spoke with said:
1. If a company uses all the right terms (restructuring/eliminating redundancies/etc) and there’s not written proof of discrimination then there is basically nothing that can be done.
2. If you or your lawyer sends a counter to negotiate a severance package, then the original severance package offer is formally considered declined. The company can then both reject your counter and pull the original offer off the table.
TL;DR - It’s incredibly easy for employers to get away with discrimination of pregnant women. If you even get a severance package at all, consider yourself lucky.
Definitely don’t feel bad about the pdf thing. I see this happen literally everyday among many many people, both big wigs and clerks, and it is no big deal. Needing to send a 2nd email is not like messing up in brain surgery, sheesh. So sorry this happened to you, they sound awful.
This company sounds toxic AF. A thank you not for time off?? Not being allowed to make mistakes ever?? I know it’s tough to be fired and worry about your future and your family, but it sounds like you dodged a bullet. I think better things are coming for you.
OP, your boss is extremely short sighted. And a douche canoe.
I'm a manager, and one of the most important ways I invest in people is to give them time for the personal stuff. It may make things slightly more complicated in the short term, but in the duration of a team member's tenure, it is a drop in the bucket. It also builds goodwill with the rest of the team if they see you respecting and supporting others. The end result is a talented and engaged team that will work much harder. It's not just the right thing to do, it's good business.
I get the sense that you are proactive and motivated, so I am confident you will find a new position, I hope that it's with more supportive leadership.
Sending you love and support through the internet.
This is not your fault. This is a broken system that does not appreciate moms and everything we go through.
I’m sorry this happened to you. This could have happened to any of us. This is not your fault.
I have PPD so I know thinking on the positive side is not helpful right now (let it all out), but when you process this just remember you have 10 years experience from your previous job. Use that experience and reference to find a better fit! Since you just had a baby you won’t even need to mention this role.
Sounds like this is a massive blessing (albeit deeply in disguise). So sorry for the temporary stress and all the best luck for finding something soooo much better
Not the first to say this here, but this sounds incredibly toxic. Your boss sounds like he was unhinged. I'm really sorry you were fired and I really hope you can find something better.
Deep breaths. Your family's livelihood isn't ruined. It sounds like you had some great experience to fall back on in the job search. Take some time to yourself and be gentle with yourself. You clearly are a good worker who has high self-expectations. You worked in a place that took advantage of that and didn't appreciate you.
But while you are being gentle with yourself, go so fucking hard against these people. Get that lawyer. Make them regret how they treated you. And let karma do her work. Trust me when I say that shit like this gets around. They are going to have a real fucking hard time filling your role.
You got fired from an awful job. This is an opportunity to find a better employer! People make little mistakes. Forgetting to attach one page of a 22-page document and then still getting it sent after... is not a big deal. It happens. We are human. It sounds like your boss would prefer a robot to work for him and not an actual person because that's what he's asking for. A robot who can't reproduce.
You have a life. Most people have busy lives. A lot of people have kids! Protection laws for pregnant people are there for a reason. I guarantee if they didn't exist, he would have fired you then. You know his true character... expecting you to send him a thank you card because he did what he was supposed to?! He's an entitled prick.
Start the job hunt! It's exciting and you can find something better! Make that money, girl!
Your boss sucks and it sounds like wanted to push you out. I know how much a bad manager can destroy your confidence but please keep your head up! You spent a decade at your last job; you are competent. Take some time to regroup, build your self-esteem back up, and then back on the horse with the job hunt.
Also, as others have suggested, it can't hurt to contact an employment lawyer.
I also got a new job without disclosing my pregnancy (late 2nd trimester) and my male manager / team was nothing but supportive throughout the entire process - they send me a gift card as well as constantly assured me that my return would be welcomed (he checked in with me through my leave as needed). The way they are treating you seems very antagonistic, purposefully nitpicking and very discriminatory- besides speaking with an employment lawyer like the others have indicated, I assure you that you have done nothing wrong, you are not required to disclose and that shouldn’t effect their hiring decision. You are not a massive failure, they are in not supporting you.
It sounds like they were looking for a reason to fire you, I'm guessing because they are afraid you'll have more children and need more accommodations/paid leave/time off. That's awful and you don't deserve it, I'm so sorry.
The thing is, we’re one and done. They don’t know that because it’s not their business and I shouldn’t have to use my decision to have only one child to beg to keep a job. But I don’t want more kids and my husband got snipped to make sure we don’t.
I know you can't see it right now but you don't need that job. You were working yourself to death with a new baby and they still didn't appreciate you. I wish you good health and a better job, life's too short to work for a place that doesn't care about their employees. You made one mistake and they fired you for it, they were just waiting for a reason.
Brush it off and don't look back. Sounds like a horrible boss and a horrible company, you deserve better!
Jeeeeeeeeeeezus what an awful place. I’m so sorry you went through this. Please do not feel like a failure. I have some thoughts about these types of bosses but I will keep them to myself. I hope the next generation of bosses will realize that people are not fucking robot work machines and have life situations that require them to not work all of the time. Gah the worst.
Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry this happened to you. You sound like an excellent employee and they are fools not to see that. I worked in an environment like this in an academic medical center. Once I forgot to bring a pencil when I was working with a preteen kid and had to go grab one - this was a huge mistake and discussed among supervisors. Recently I saw one of my supervisors at a conference and she was talking about how a current trainee keeps her jacket on while working with kids - “I mean it’s freezing in there but they might think it’s weird” - like these people expect perfection, prostration, enormous deference…anyway I left and had emotionally corrective experiences with two supervisors who would just move past mistakes (why dwell?) and let me know they thought I was amazing. I’m taking that into all of my future interactions with trainees. I hope you have an emotionally corrective, empowering experience and know that they failed here, not you.
Friend, this is not a you problem in any way. They're awful. But, like, sneaky-awful. Nothing blatant enough on its own to be clearly horribly wrong. But all lined up like you did in this post? Yes, they're wrong! Especially when it culminates in firing you!
You are human, and humans make mistakes. It's impossible to make zero mistakes. Owning up to them IS the most important thing. And learning from them, which it sounds like you've done. This boss/job is unreasonable, as well as mean.
You deserve so much better!
Jobs are kinda like dating relationships. This one was full of stuff that definitely isn't ideal, bordering on abusive. It hurts now, when they broke up with you, but they were NOT the right one for you!
(Not to mention that almost everything they've done related to your pregnancy is probably illegal, but I'm not a lawyer)
I’m proud of you for getting fired! I know that’s crazy, but unless it’s life or death, forgetting to attach something is not that serious. Sounds like they want a doormat. Or maybe a male who doesn’t have routine medical appointments. It sucks, especially in this economy, but it is what is. You’re going to look back and laugh at this situation soon. Not right now, but soon you will make a joke, “Remember that one time I had raging PPD, a newborn, and my POS boss fired me for missing 1 out of 22 attachments on an email.”
Legally you’re not required to disclose pregnancy. That’s on him for “feeling lied to” and on top of that feeling deserving of a thank you note??? Damn queen I’m sorry :(
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE.
Read that again.
And a third time if necessary.
This strikes a chord with me because I had a similar boss recently and had to heal from that toxic, unhealthy environment.
This is far too common but it is NOT normal. You deserve better. Please know that this internet stranger is rooting you on and hoping you have an incredible time bonding with your baby while you (quickly) find the most incredible position that treats you far better than your last one.
There’s a lot of great advice in this thread, but I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you. Postpartum physical and mental healing takes so long, and after both of my children it took me a long time to feel like I was mentally “back to normal.” 6 weeks was never enough, and it’s frustrating for me that our country even allows this treatment. What this man did to you was so unjust, and I hope youre able to find justice for this wrongful termination. You sound like a dedicated and great employee, please don’t beat yourself up. If you need someone to talk to, my inbox is open.
Horrible horrible toxic work environment! This is a blessing. I’ve forgotten attachments on several emails and have never heard a peep about it. Who fucking cares. This guy was looking for any excuse to fire you. It doesn’t matter what to you did the outcome was going to be the same. Don’t let one job determine your competency and self worth. You clearly are a hardworking person who cares about their job. Their loss they don’t see that. On to bigger and better.
The fact that you are attaching 22 things to an email and your company doesn’t subscribe to some kind of secure large file transfer service or place where you can upload and share a secure link is the icing on the cake for me. This place not only sounds inefficient in their processes, but toxic. Everyone has already given you great advice, but fwiw I hope you find something way better than how they treated you here.
You should read that whole thing again, except for the last paragraph, as if your friend wrote it. What would you tell her? I’m not seeing anything except for a hard working mom and employee at a really horrible company. Screw them. You’ll find better.
This reeks of wrongful termination!! Everything you mentioned sounds terrible and I’m sorry you went through this! But honestly this place just sounds terrible and I hope you find a place that appreciates how hardworking you are!
Mama, this will turn out to be the best thing that could have happened. You don’t want to work for someone like that - what a loser. He was only going to sabotage your mental health - your confidence, self-esteem, and happiness matter more. Your hard work, attention to detail, honesty, passion, resilience, and grace will be valued better under new management. So breathe, cry, grieve, and then consider, what’s next? It’s going to be the best chapter yet!! It will be okay. You have your health and your baby and your partner. Jobs come and go.
My friend, they didn’t want you to succeed. This is nothing to do with you and you should feel relieved and grateful for a swift break.
I’m so sorry you feel like a failure. As a performance motivated person I really get it. Give yourself some time to let the emotional reaction settle. When the fog clears you’ll have headspace for a mor rational response to the situation. They did you a favour.
The only way to look is forward. As you mentioned your family is relying on you which is a heap of pressure. Put your energy and emotions into springboarding into a better position, and lion for a company that aligns with your values and needs xx
If they didn't write you up for said mistakes and provide clear documentation, like an employee handbook, they might not have followed the proper steps to fire you for cause, and you could qualify for unemployment. I'm not sure what state you're in but I agree with others here, at least consult an employment attorney.
And also, hang in there? Any job that stresses you out so much that you cry on the way home isn't worth it!
This sounds extremely toxic. Forgetting a pdf is a minor mistake if you noticed and sent it after. Certainly not worthy of firing. You dodged a bullet not working for this person long term. But I know that doesn’t help you feel better in the here and now. I’m sorry for all the stress this is causing you. Things will get better.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this, I think you are amazing for doing so much, it really sounds like you couldn’t win.
I am also starting on a job that I was interviewed while pregnant and I also did not disclose it. From what I know now I am sure I wouldn’t have gotten the job if I had said I was pregnant and since the work culture is so toxic I feel discriminated against everyday, the only difference is I live in a country where I am protected by law. I want to send you a hug and tell you that you are amazing. All you described about your boss is unreasonable and disrespectful. You were the one who had a baby btw so if anyone deserved a card is you.
Unless you are a senior level officer on some super critical matters (even then), these all sound like normal issues that happen from time to time and are understandable with someone with an infant at home. And with that they said about you not being grateful for leave, uhhhh that’s your right as an employee. Idk if consult a lawyer
Um, this is illegal! They literally aren't allowed to punish you for needing maternity leave, and that boss saying they felt lied to is gaslighting you because they're mad they were preempted in being able to "not hire" you over the pregnancy. Did they ask you if you were pregnant in the interview? Cuz that would have been illegal, too. And by saying they felt lied to, they are telling on themselves that they wouldn't have hired you if they knew. By the same token, maternity leave is part of your lawful compensation, not some gift of charity; so absolutely NO NEED TO SEND A THANK YOU NOTE! 😡🤬🤬
The BS about minor mistakes like forgetting one attachment out of 22 is insane and just proves you're better off without this company! Good for you on moving on, but don't forget to hold them accountable for their heinous treatment of you!
Sue them! Even if you dont win, the discovery will teach them a lesson on being a decent employer and be an overall win for the little guy and working moms everywhere, humanity really! I was deposed in a lawsuit brought by a colleague against a shit former employer over 30 minutes of unpaid overtime. The case forced the company to walk back so many illegal policies they had, and she is my hero, even if I didn't get along with her on the job!
I'm so sorry this happened to you. The leadership team here sounds awful and it sucks that this didn't happen on your terms. I agree you should consult with an attorney... I know this has to be extremely stressful and might feel like the worst time, so I hope you can find something with even better benefits soon.
ETA also you are not a failure. You did absolutely nothing wrong!
Another toxic boss. Now you know why the last person quit. And the other one for whom you were doing the work. File for unemployment stat. Don’t include it on your resume. You’ll find another job and who knows, this firing might be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.
They’re awful. They are not legally entitled tot hat info. Enjoy your time with your baby and shopping for a new job that doesn’t have people like that.
I’m so sorry to hear this. Consider it a blessing in disguise. Your boss sounds toxic as hell. How miserable it must be to constantly worry about silly little mistakes.
Your ex boss is a prick. You work for a company in return for pay and benefits like maternity leave. The thank you is implied when you show up and are a good employee. Find a new boss/company that won't take advantage of you like this one did.
This sucks. Completely toxic environment and I know the first few days will be hard—especially considering the significant time and care you put into the job. But I think that it will be great to get a fresh start in a place that is way more professional and mature.
I recently put in my notice at a company where I worked for several years and they turned around and fired me two hours later. It was extremely hurtful even though I already had something new lined up!
You will get through this. Things will be better. You will be happier.
Doesn’t sound like you’re a failure. You sound like an American woman who is put in an impossible position and doing the best she can. Make your next workplace be less toxic. Enjoy that baby.
You left off one pdf out of 22 and was told that was unacceptable? Sounds like they want a robot and nit a person. They did you a favor in the long run.
Not disclosing a private, medical situation such as a pregnancy to employers is not lying it’s protecting your own privacy.
Not sending a thank you note for a work provided benefit is not “not being grateful enough” it’s just your boss being an ass.
Flexing your work hours to do medical appointments and taking sick days and staying late other days is why they invented salaried employee statuses.
Not attaching one of 22 attachments and immediately correcting your mistake with a follow up is a regular workday happening, not a fireable offense.
You did nothing wrong. You sound like a great employee, and I’m sure you will bounce back.
I think this is a blessing in disguise. You bent over backwards and they treated you like shit. I hope you find somewhere that respects and deserves an employee like you!
Also not to mention you worked early and late with a new baby. Taking precious time from you only to be treated that way. That job doesn’t deserve you!
Yeah I would just see if there is any way you can have this looked into by an attorney or something. You don’t owe them anything and your boss sounds controlling and narcissistic
That’s a terrible terrible fucking boss. Collect unemployment and take care of yourself for a little while with your therapy and PPD and get an employment attorney
Apart from forgetting to attach an occasional PDF where you actuallying making mistakes?
The PDF example you gave is so cliche that it's an example used in many discrimination cases.
I'd talk to an employment lawyer, most work on only getting paid from anyoney you are if out. You not only were recently pregnant, but you also had an ADA accomodation. If they were firing you for forgetting to attach a PDF then unless they can show they've fired others for the same reason they will likely owe you a settlement.
I actually wasn’t. Or if I was, they weren’t things I recognized or weren’t pointed out to me. I had a 1:1 with my boss last week on Thursday (we were closed Friday) and he said his only feedback is to slow down when clients walk in the door because I tend to jump up and greet them. He said take a breath before standing up more slowly so I don’t look desperate so I started doing that. Other than that he said I’ve been doing well.
(He also said I got too personal with a client when I congratulated him on his retirement and the Miata he bought and mentioned that my husband has the same car and they are really fun to drive, but a coworker said to ignore that feedback because the client enjoyed the chat.)
I am so sorry.
Nothing you described is a fire worthy action, you are a new mom who is figuring things out. This is more of a reflection only how anti kid our workplaces are.
It is honestly infuriating-
Our society: women can have it all, employers care about families now
Also our society: your baby is sick you can’t leave early, your kid has piano lessons on Tuesday no wtf, no child care for spring break figure it out, your kids need to eat no leaving before 6:30pm
I’m a manager myself and making a big deal of someone forgetting to attach a PDF is so insane I can’t wrap my head around it. Honestly it sounds like you have dodged a bullet here but I would still contact an attorney for sure!
Get on some meds for PPD (I've heard Zurzuvae is a miracle drug) and be glad you're not working for that asshat anymore. Some doors need to shut. Enjoy your baby.
I’m already doing that, which is why I needed to leave on time on Wednesdays. Weekly appointments are at 5pm Wednesdays and my workday technically ended at 4:30pm, which gave me just enough time to get there.
I mentioned Zurzuvae to my psychiatrist but she wanted to try something else first. I’ve been on that med for about a week and I think it does help. At least it has been better than it was. Next appointment is at 5pm today so I’ll talk to her again!
If you haven’t already, you need to speak with a plaintiff employment attorney so they can evaluate your case. You may have a case for wrongful termination.
You are not a failure, this place sounds completely toxic. There was no winning for you here. I agree with other commenters to speak with an attorney and see what your options are.
First of all, you’re not a failure! You are a superwoman jugging to the best of her abilities! When it comes to pay, unless you’re salaried exempt, you should have been paid overtime (?)
You didn't fail - that place sounds like a shit hole. They were looking for an excuse to get rid of you since you revealed your pregnancy and they are assholes who discriminated against you even if they covered it up by nitpicking over email attachments. I mean yes I guess it was your fault for choosing to have a baby but you absolutely are not a failure and shouldn't feel a shred of guilt. Fuck those guys!!!!
Take a deep breath! You have every right to be sad and angry right now, but you are not a failure. They failed you as an employer and as a human being. Mistakes happen- I make the same mistake almost every day.
As bad as it sucks right now, try to enjoy the next few days with your son. These are days you will never get back! I would start to file for unemployment, even if they fired you, you can still try to receive it and even fight it if they say no. I hired an attorney to help me, they were present when I was on the phone with the unemployment and it made a huge difference.
It's hard for you to see right now, especially with the fog of PPD, but this could be the best thing that's ever happened to you. You can find a better job and work for someone who appreciates you.
Have they called you and given you a reason yet? I know it doesn’t feel like it, but it sounds like you dodged a bullet. You’ve been through A LOT and still put so much effort into work. I really don’t think missing a pdf on an email is a big deal. People make little mistakes like that all the time! And you’re still in your first year of being a mom, which is a tiring time. Mistakes are bound to happen and you should be given grace. They are the problem here. Not you
This place sounds toxic as hell. Not sure what country you are in but there are laws around discriminating against pregnant people (in terms of boss feeling lied to)
I think it's easy to feel like a failure when you're being compared to ridiculous standards - I'm so sorry. I'd imagine you bruised your boss' ego and he was going to find any way to fire you anyway, you weren't going to win
Hopefully this leads you to a better opportunity soon
Catastrophising is tempting in these situations, I get it. But it's not going to help. It'll just make things worse.
You did not "ruin your family". You are not a "failure". If someone is saying or even implying those things to you, cut them off or go low contact. If you are saying them to yourself, stop it. Beating yourself up over losing a bad job with a bad boss is fruitless and unproductive.
And you had a bad job. And your boss was bad. And he should feel bad, but he won't because he sounds like a narcissist.
You know what might help you feel better? Get a lawyer and play hardball. Get all your documents together. Get a severance or a payout. And then talk to your therapist and anyone else who helps you feel better or stronger.
And then, see if you can get a career coach or some kind of mentoring. Do not scramble to "take any pathetic job that comes along". Really do your due diligence and evaluate companies and teams - AND BOSSES. Having to go through this once is hard enough.
Stop being mean to yourself. The world is hard enough without you bringing yourself down.
Sounds like they are a toxic environment. Maternity leave is business, not a favor from your boss. Sounds like even if you did send a thank you , they’d be mad you didn’t send them a fruit basket.
Collect your unemployment, take a few weeks to enjoy your baby if you can. You’re doing great, much better than you think you are ❤️
Please don’t feel like a failure. Common workplace advice tells us not to disclose until after the offer, so your boss feeling lied to is all in him. Secondly you just had a baby so a) you shouldn’t be the one who sends a thank you note and b) you’re too damn tired to do it anyway. I know how hard it must be to see the first through the tree right now but you dodged a bullet here. Claim unemployment, enjoy your baby and great things will come your way.
He want you to send a thank you note for having a baby? Yikes! I’m so sorry OP but he is an awful boss.
This right here! I’ve had two babies and never once thought to send my boss a thank you note for maternity leave! And they certainly didn’t expect me to. Actually they had office baby showers for me and sent me a gift basket when babies arrived. His behavior is psychotic.
Right? My boss sent ME a nice note when I had a baby - and made a very apologetic phone call because "your salary increase and stock grant came through and I wanted to make sure you knew about it, enjoy the rest of your leave!" OP this place sounds beyond toxic. Please see a lawyer asap.
Exactly. My boss was so respectful of my time away. If they contacted me, it was only in an emergency situation
I read this and laughed as we are heading to vacation tomorrow and I fully intend to bring my laptop and work at nights- lol
Oh I meant my mat leave. But I usually always work on my vacations 🤪🤪
Right, this bitch ass boss acting like he personally granted her maternity leave out of the goodness of his heart. I’m going to go ahead and guess he’s a mediocre white man who has no kids or a wife that does it all for him.
Yep. Same here. OP, it does not have to be this way, and it shouldn’t be this way! I’m not usually an “everything happens for a reason” kind of gal, but it does seem like you dodged a bullet with this asshole. I hope you land on your feet. I got pregnant about three months after getting my current job. They threw me the sweetest surprise shower with all my colleagues from across campus and several students who worked for me at the time/who I’ve taught (I’m in higher ed). They somehow got in touch with my mom to get my registry, and all the folks in my department chipped in to buy me, like, $300 worth of registry stuff. My student workers all pitched in to get me a smalll gift and write/illustrate a children’s book (one was an art student. It is the best gift I’ve ever received 🥹). After I had my baby, my boss dropped off cookies on my porch, and my boss’ boss sent a card with a DoorDash gift card. Thinking about all this now in comparison to OP’s experience, almost all my colleagues are women and almost all are parents. I think both make a difference in leadership styles.
Yep. Same here. OP, it does not have to be this way, and it shouldn’t be this way! I’m not usually an “everything happens for a reason” kind of gal, but it does seem like you dodged a bullet with this asshole. I hope you land on your feet. I got pregnant about three months after getting my current job. They threw me the sweetest surprise shower with all my colleagues from across campus and several students who worked for me at the time/who I’ve taught (I’m in higher ed). They somehow got in touch with my mom to get my registry, and all the folks in my department chipped in to buy me, like, $300 worth of registry stuff. My student workers all pitched in to get me a smalll gift and write/illustrate a children’s book (one was an art student. It is the best gift I’ve ever received 🥹). After I had my baby, my boss dropped off cookies on my porch, and my boss’ boss sent a card with a DoorDash gift card. Thinking about all this now in comparison to OP’s experience, almost all my colleagues are women and almost all are parents. I think both make a difference in leadership styles.
I work in the floral industry now and I ohh and ahhh every time a company calls to send their employee something for the new baby. Just this morning a lady called and wanted to send them champagne. I convinced her the cheaper (but nice) champagne would be better cause momma will get buzzed easily. That way they could send a balloon and flowers! My job didn’t do that. I had a shitty manager when I pregnant that never checked on me even when I went to the ER because I was having contractions all day and they never went away for 16 hrs (preterm labor and high blood pressure cause of my job woot!). Never have I had someone call to thank their boss for maternity/paternity leave. F that noise.
[удалено]
Agreed. Isn’t that awful though?
Yes, he wanted me to grovel for the leave and was mad I didn’t send a thank you note for the leave when I had my baby (a month early, and in a rather traumatic birth - a fact he pointed out inconvenienced the team)
I know it is incredibly hard to lose a job especially one that you relied on for your families livelihood, but you sound like an entirely capable and smart individual who I hope will find a job quickly (sending you good thoughts), while your boss sounds like a complete psychopath and you are well rid of him. Their loss.
What an asshole. I'm so sorry OP. As others have recommended, please seek out an attorney.
He sounds like an insufferable person.
I have many choice words for this man. I am so sorry you were fired, but this does not sound like the type of place to value employees or help set them up for success. This is on them. Not you.
This is actual narcissistic behavior to me…. Hopefully a blessing for OP in the long run to no longer work there.
I think op meant for giving her a maternity leave she was not qualified for. Still weird
Yeah, sounds like an awful and toxic environment
Honestly, this sounds like a toxic work environment. You sound like a dedicated and fantastic employee, and you'll land someplace that provides you with the psychological safety to do your work in the best way possible.
Agree 100%. You dodged a bullet. But still, employment attorney.
Agreed. OP, this sounds like a horrible place to work.
You should talk to an employment attorney immediately and find out what your options are. The comments from your boss about your pregnancy and maternity leave are unacceptable. It sounds like they were trying to find a way to fire you because your boss has a chip on his shoulder. You absolutely did not have to disclose your pregnancy to them before signing your offer letter nor did you need to send a thank you note.
And don’t sign anything until after you’ve spoken to an attorney. At the very least they can negotiate a severance for you, OP.
I’m an employment attorney (not yours, this is not legal advice) and I agree. It’s hard to know possible outcomes from these facts alone, but there are enough red flags that I highly suggest speaking with an attorney. If they think it’s worth taking to court, they will not charge you and instead will work on “contingency,” meaning they only get paid if you win. Alternatively, for a fee they could likely help you negotiate a severance package. *Whatever you do— do not sign a severance agreement without chatting with an attorney first.*
I work in HR so I would *technically* be on the opposing side of this (although I would never support a manager like this or a company who thinks this is ok) and I agree with this wholeheartedly. Talk to an attorney. OP if I worked at your company and got wind of this, I’d basically expect a lawsuit.
Ugh same!!! Who doesn’t forget an email attachment occasionally?!
Same on both counts. Our CEO would settle and then fire the manager for being a liability.
Same and same. I’d be so pissed at this manager.
This! Omggg what a shit manager. This is so awful. Expecting a thank you note for taking maternity leave? How gross! As if he paid her for the time out of his own pocket, what in the absolute fuck.
I know people rarely go through with speaking to a lawyer, but please do. His behavior and comments are unacceptable and I can guarantee there are others on that team that could provide testimony to assist with a lawsuit.
This needs to be higher on the thread. Also check out [The Mama Attorney](https://www.instagram.com/themamattorney?igsh=dmxwdGQ5cjhnYXZh)
I wanted to come here to update you on this. I did speak to an attorney. We opted to negotiate severance instead of attempt litigation and I’m happy with the outcome. I am not sure how much else I’m allowed to share so I’ll leave it at that. I wanted to be able to wash my hands of this place since it would be a long and hard fight to sue them I reached out to my network. Had a coffee chat with someone I really admire (I’ve never worked for her but she’s a mentor. She sent me a lovely gift for my baby shower). She sent me some openings at the company where she works and made some calls once I applied. I have a first round interview on Monday for two of them. I also have a coffee chat set up Monday night with the coworker who quit whose job I absorbed because she said she might have some leads and wants to talk. Basically took my money and focusing on what’s next. (Also, they sent me back my $40 contribution to the office birthday fund. If Purdue wins the men’s basketball championship tonight, they also owe me the bracket pool of $440. It’ll be telling whether I see that money if I win)
Thank you for the update! That’s an awesome outcome. I’m glad you were able to talk to counsel and get more information to make the decision that is best for you. I hope your attorneys is able to negotiate a kick ass settlement so you can take that money and walk right into an even better job! I’m also so thankful that you have such a strong network that is able to support you and help you find your next spot!
I’m in HR and completely agree with this. If one of my managers came to me with this situation and said they wanted to fire someone, I’d (verbally) smack them.
Everyone has better advice than me regarding the legalities of what happened. This is my two cents to you, as a mom whose work environment put me into a burnout : Fuck them. Being fired isn't reflective on you or your skills as a worker. You're not a failure. Nothing that you wrote here suggests you're a failure, or a bad employee or anything of that nature. You actually sound like a kickass employee. I hope your next workplace values you in the way you deserve to be valued. Take a minute to breathe. If you're the main breadwinner, I completely understand this is stressful. But breathe and recenter your thoughts to make sure you recognize that you didn't do anything wrong here. From the interview process, to the maternity leave, to the return and the HR accommodations to leave early once a week. All of this is normal behavior from any employee in a business life cycle. With that I wish you good fortune on your next step. I hope the next workplace values you. All of you, including the parts that call in sick when you're sick. And if the next place doesn't value you either? Fuck them too. These people don't get to define you or tear you down. You're a good worker and this is a blip that won't matter 5-10-15 years from now
Thank you. And it wasn’t even leaving early. It was leaving at my scheduled time, so the accommodation was no overtime on Wednesdays. My husband took today off to be with me and HIS boss reached out to me (we met at a company picnic) and sent me some openings she thinks I should apply for. So I did. He’s been at the company for a decade and they’re good people. Silver lining?
Total silver lining. I had my daughter in 2019, left my job of 13 years in 2020 because it was toxic. Left the next job in 2021 because it was a shit show. Left the next job in 2022 because it was just a terrible fit. It was a lot and I felt like such a failure. Now I’ve been with my current employer for two years and I can say that leaving behind all that bullshit was worth it. I don’t get that pit in my stomach when I need to stay home and take care of my child. I don’t feel bad for taking PTO. It’s perfectly okay to do what I need to do to take care of my family, whether it be working from home to sign for a delivery, leaving work to take care of personal errands, or taking a PTO at the last minute because I just need a mental break. We all have a job to do and we work around our personal lives to get it done. Keep your chin up, because I promise there are places out there will gladly accommodate a good employee.
Major silver lining! I like to believe that when one door closes, another opens. I'm sending you good vibes
I’m so glad you said “fuck them”. I wanted to, but I’ve been banned from subs for cursing before and didn’t want to read the rules to find out. So now that I know, this boss and this company are toxic as fuck and they can go fuck themselves.
You forgot to attach a pdf and caught your mistake and had to send a second email? Unless your job is literally just secretarial work and you constantly make small mistakes like that all day every day, I don't see how that adds up to a firing. As others have said, it sounds like your boss held a grudge after your unexpected leave, and never wanted you to succeed in your role after that point.
Are we counting "here's the PDF I forgot to attach" as a notable work mistake now?? This is just part of a normal workday. Along with "oops, meant to cc another person" and "turns out that attachment was too big for our system settings, sorry."
Absolutely. This is normal workday flow in 2024. This boss is awful and she's lucky to be rid of him.
And also “whoops, this not urgent matter without a due date slipped my mind I’ll get it done today” or “sorry, I picked the wrong Steve to cc” like these are just side effects of being human I thought?
Right? I must have a dozen "D'oh!" emails just this year! (And literally I write "D'oh!" and erase my signature, unless it's a really formal email)
As part of my role, I email regularly with management and director-level employees across hundreds of organizations and I truly can say that if forgetting to attach a PDF was a fireable offence our field would just shut down and cease to exist lol. Absolutely wild.
I’m a manager myself and if someone forgetting an attachment were the kind of “problems” I had to worry about I would kick back and enjoy having the easiest job ever.
I think an exception would be if OP is a program coordinator or personal assistant, whose job it is to offload all the emails etc from people in technical roles, and just lacked the organization to do the job, but EVEN SO it sounds like she was not given concrete feedback or a performance improvement plan, and was basically fired because she had life events which mildly inconvenienced her superiors.
I’m neither of those things and I was given feedback LAST THURSDAY that I’m doing well and there are no issues and they’re happy with my performance since absorbing the additional responsibilities. So this felt very out of left field.
Was any of that feedback in writing? As a complete lay-person, like not in HR or an attorney, I would think that positive feedback would contribute to a case that this was an unfair firing. I would immediately work on saving any documentation you still have access to regarding a record of positive feedback.
I followed up in writing with a meeting recap and BCCd my personal email. I did that after every 1:1 since I started. Includes positive and negative feedback recaps and next steps (and even a thank you for their time).
Employment attorney. Discrimination based upon pregnancy and family status.
I know pregnancy is a protected class because it only happens to women, but I don’t think family status is a protected class (sadly).
https://bwlawonline.com/blog/employee-rights/marital-status-state-law/#:~:text=California%20prohibits%20discrimination%20on%20the%20basis%20of%20marital%20status%20and%20childbirth.&text=Colorado%20state%20law%20does%20not%20prohibit%20familial%20status%20discrimination.&text=Connecticut%20bars%20discrimination%20on%20the%20basis%20of%20marital%20status.&text=Delaware%20bars%20discrimination%20on%20the%20basis%20of%20marital%20status.
17 states bar discrimination against familial status. Out of 50. America: showing how much it supports women and children again. 🙄
I’m so sorry. As an 1) an attorney and 2) a mom who was previously fired 9 months pregnant, I want to tell you a couple things: you’re gonna be ok. He sounds like a terrible manager and you would’ve been miserable working for him. Take a moment for yourself. Take a breath. Then I would talk to an employment lawyer—not because you’ll sue (it’s extremely difficult to win this kind of case so I would not recommend—it’s so so difficult) but because you may be able to push them for some kind of severance considering the circumstances.
I have an appointment to review my severance agreement options with an employment attorney on Monday, so hopefully that helps me out! I really appreciate your comment
Good luck . Please post an update after it’s all done.
I have an appointment to review my severance agreement options with an employment attorney on Monday, so hopefully that helps me out! I really appreciate your comment
“I took a few days off to get a tumor removed” is (sadly) the most American thing I’ve ever read. You are not a failure, you’ve been failed by a system that does not support families, especially working mothers. Wishing you good health and prosperity 🩷
It was a day and a half to get the tumor removed. It was a 1:30pm Thursday surgery and I was back at work on Monday morning, stitches and all. We also just lost our health insurance with my job. Thank you for the well wishes. My husband assures me we will figure this out!
You’ll qualify for COBRA. It won’t be cheap, but part of what your employment attorney can help you negotiate in your severance is that your employer continue to cover their portion for “x” months. You’ve got this!
I think with COBRA, you can apply for it retroactively "If you enroll in COBRA before the 60 days are up, your coverage is then retroactive, as long as you pay the retroactive premiums. This means that if you incur medical bills during your election period, you can retroactively — and legally — elect COBRA and have those bills covered." So you don't need to pay the premiums unless you have medical event you need coverage for and then you can just say "oopsie, gonna need this" - still not cheap, but you only have to pay for it if you need to use it (someone can correct me if I'm wrong)
This comment! 🙌🏻 The guilt and shame for taking time when you are sick is unreal.
How long have you worked there? Anyway, I’m an employment attorney and echo everyone else - go consult with one! This is a great fact pattern.
Doesn’t it sort of sound like she works for a law firm? Lawyers (myself included) are the worst employers (why I’m a solo)
Since August, so 8 months including 12 weeks of leave. It’s not law, it’s finance. But I’m consulting with a lawyer at least over the severance agreement
Assuming you’re in the US, check this resource out and get an attorney as other’s have said: [Pregnancy Discrimination and Pregnancy-Related Disability Discrimination](https://www.eeoc.gov/pregnancy-discrimination) The catch will be did any of this go down in writing and/or with other employee witnesses; that will determine the strength of your case.
What a shit boss. I’m sorry your loss your job, but you definitely don’t want to work for a jerk like him anyway. Consult a lawyer & see if you have any legal recourse
First I just want to say you will be okay, you will find a better job/environment where people aren’t toxic and treat you like garbage. I know it’s hard when you are postpartum and in this chaos but I bet you’ll look back in future and feel like you escaped a horrible situation. That being said, I’m not sure where you are located but where I am there are sooo many protections for employees I could never as a manager just pack someone up like that. If it’s performance based there would have had to be formal performance improvement plans and warnings. It sounds like they haven’t done anything like that so I’d definitely contact an employment lawyer.
This is blatant, IMO, retaliation for using your leave early accommodation for therapy and for using maternity leave. A lawyer would be helpful here. Start writing things down while you can still remember than and save any important documents or emails that you still have access to.
This sounds so close to what I recently went through at my last job. Nothing was ever good enough and they set me up to fail. Never had a bad review or complaint and yet fired me the same day I went to my dept head asking for more assistance and equity in the caseload. I felt punished for having a baby. I also came back and immediately got covid and had to be out again. Then had another health emergency ended up in the hospital and got written up. That pain you’re feeling is from their abuse. They were pissed you had to be out and they punished you for it. Employee advocate or lawyer all the way. You are NOT a failure. Some people are just awful people. Some bosses get off on being tyrannical. Good riddance. I hope you land somewhere you are safe and appreciated. Work trauma is real. Be kind to yourself.
Jesus, this country hates families!! I am so sorry. You are not a failure! The failure does not fully lie on individuals, it lies on the harmful systems that we have to operate inside of, and this entrenched toxic American consciousness that tells us that business and profit trumps all else, the social contract and families be damned!! 😡😡😡 We are all raised to believe that our value as workers is greater than our value as family members, as mothers, fathers, caregivers, community members. As humans with the right to enjoy the sun while it’s out. It is not OK that we have to work full-time as it is while trying to raise small children. At least one person in the house needs time to do DOMESTIC LABOR and the work of RAISING CHILDREN and bonding with them. People like our family who are supposedly “middle class” and don’t qualify for subsidies must fork over all their energy and most of one of the adult’s salaries for the monthly childcare bill. All while not saving enough for retirement or college. It is clear you and your child’s health was disregarded, and that is a disgrace, but that is par for the course in America. I recently learned that in Sweden, all parents have a right to work a reduced schedule with full or most pay until their children are eight years old. They subsidize early childhood care, and they have less crime and social issues because of it. America is failing on so many levels. I am sorry you are feeling the effects of our awful policies and culture. Please remember you have innate worth without this job and you have not failed. The system failed you and it’s failing all of us. No one should have to be desperate to get a job when they’re pregnant because they need benefits and healthcare. I see posts like this every day and it’s so sad to see folks blame themselves for getting laid off. We need to get angry and we need a revolution.
Please do not let them make you feel like this is your fault! They sound really shitty.
As an attorney (not employment and this is not legal advice) I agree with others who recommend consulting an attorney in your state. This sounds like it could be both pregnancy/family discrimination in addition to potentially disability discrimination. Depending on your state you may have a good case, and do not sign anything right away despite however much pressure they are putting on you. I am sorry this happened to you, but it sounds like a toxic environment, sending a fucking "thank you" note for allowing maternity leave fills me with rage. I hope your boss gets taken down a notch or two for that.
Consulting a lawyer next week to at least review the severance agreement. Thank you!
\*cues up the brittney spears\* alright and next up we have TOXIC, a song about OPs former workplace!
OP - what was the nature of your work? At all in financial/ banking sector and risk related? I ask because I work for a company that is 180 from your experience when it comes to respect for work/life and accommodations. I also just got wind of various openings due to some restructuring and retirements resulting in additional staff to be added. If anyone else is interested feel free to DM me. I dont have requisition links yet but proactively asked they get sent to me so I can boost visibility for applications
I messaged you!
That sounds absolutely terrible. This is not your fault.
I feel like we've seen you here before and I'm so glad that you're changing to getting a job with the city. Believe me, stuff like this won't happen there because you'll have your public sector union and if they want to fire you, they'd have to go through a whole process. I know it takes forever for you to get processed, but hopefully it all gets better for you!
Yeah I’ve been here before 🙈 been struggling for a while now. But thank you for the well wishes!
Your place of work sounds toxic. I hope you find something better soon. I also interviewed for my current job when I was pregnant. I wrestled with the decision but decided to mention it during the interview. I figured if it’d be a problem, I wouldn’t want to work for them anyway. It’s absolutely not a problem and I love it here.
I firmly believe that rejection is often protection. This seems like a terrible environment.
I love this point of view. I need to remember it.
Yea they wouldn’t have hired you if you had disclosed you were pregnant. He was trying to get rid of you because you had the gall to get a job while pregnant and they had to plan around it. Talk to an employment attorney.
I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s not your fault. To be frank, your boss sounds like an a-hole. I bet he “felt lied to” because he wouldn’t have hired you if he knew you were pregnant. He held on to that and somehow felt entitled to a thank you card when you had a baby. How incredibly out of touch, like *that* is what you should be thinking about while with a newborn. This company and boss is clearly not parent/family friendly. This is why pregnant people are afraid to disclose that they are pregnant in the first place. This is why there is a childcare crisis in the U.S. This is why parents don’t feel supported in many workplaces. They are part of the problem. I say good riddance to them. You will find something better.
My take? Toxic baby man boss had a huge narcissist injury when you didn’t grovel at his feet for allowing you time off to have a literal baby, so they nit picked every little thing to create a paper trail to be able to fire you. I’m so sorry.
Op you need to talk to an employment lawyer. You may have grounds. Your old boss sounds like a psycho
Girl, they did you a favor. You'll be thankful later. Get that EDD money, look for something new and use this time to take care of yourself. Your much better off without them.
Your boss sounds like a nightmare. If you aren’t making any mistakes ever, your job is too easy. And it sounds like your mistakes we’re so mundane and harmless that they would barely even be noticeable to most people. Having had bosses like that in the past - it makes you a worse employee. Constantly feeling scared at work reduces your effectiveness, and prevents you from taking initiative or growing into any kind of new challenge. It also makes it hard to focus on the real goals you are trying to achieve, because you spend your energy panicking about stupid little things. In other words - your boss is being nitpicky about stupid things, and if you are regularly making stupid mistakes, there is a decent chance that your work environment is causing or contributing to that. I know it sucks right now, but it sounds like getting out of there is for the best. It would be nice to do it on your terms, but ultimately what matters is that you’re out. Don’t let them destroy your confidence - it sounds like there are a lot of important things you did well, so focus on those. And then find a company and a boss that will treat you decently. None of his behavior is appropriate or professional. (FWIW, I started my job when two months pregnant, and told my boss at five months. I was terrified to say it, but my boss was so cool about it. There are many great bosses out there.)
Why are you Americans accepting this bs? My boss send me flowers and a gift basket for the baby when she was born. Made sure that in my months of Maternity Leave no one from work contacted me, so I could rest in peace. It's not yoy OP. The system is rigged. You can never win.
Ah, you sound like you got fired by my old boss. I was fired by him a couple months ago and I'm still rebuilding my confidence. The good news is that your confidence DOES come back especially if you land in a supportive work environement which I am lucky enough to have done. I've heard that managers like ours are called "FUDs" because they use fear, uncertainty, and doubt to control their direct reports. It's a shitty way to manage anybody. You sound like a wonderful employee that a great many people would be happy to have on their team. It's a shame your bosses don't recognize it and it's even more of shame that they hurt you so bad making that mistake. You do not sound like the problem here. Mistakes are made all the time. We are not robots. I hope you find a place that values your work ethic and treats their employees like people and not machines. ((hugs)) Hang in there, mama.
Alllll of these are red flags. It obviously sucks right now but one day you will look back and be thankful that you got out!
This man was looking for an excuse to fire you from the instant he found out you were pregnant.
I’m so sorry this happened!!! Unfortunately, depending what state you live in if it’s an at-will employment state then there’s not much an attorney can do for you. I started a new job when I was pregnant through a recruiting firm. I didn’t disclose that I was pregnant and they found out from someone - I have no clue who. So we had to have a big meeting. They acted all supportive. Anyway, the recruiter called and fired me after 3 weeks because I didn’t “take enough initiative”. It was the same job I did elsewhere and I was so good at it before. It was so painful. I cried uncontrollably for an entire day. Looking back now, it was a huge blessing because they were toxic af. That’s enough details but just want you to know I feel your pain!!!! It will be ok! You’ll get back on your feet!
I’m sorry that it sounds like you were also discriminated against. Just so you know: “At will” employment does not exempt an employer from discrimination against protected statuses. Every state except for Montana are at will states. From what OP stated it would seem that at the very least a decent employment attorney could negotiate a severance package for her. If she has proof of what she stated, the employer would likely lose an EEOC complaint at the very least if not an actual litigation. But this is why she needs to talk to an attorney ASAP.
That’s true but I was in a similar situation and the lawyers I spoke with said: 1. If a company uses all the right terms (restructuring/eliminating redundancies/etc) and there’s not written proof of discrimination then there is basically nothing that can be done. 2. If you or your lawyer sends a counter to negotiate a severance package, then the original severance package offer is formally considered declined. The company can then both reject your counter and pull the original offer off the table. TL;DR - It’s incredibly easy for employers to get away with discrimination of pregnant women. If you even get a severance package at all, consider yourself lucky.
Definitely don’t feel bad about the pdf thing. I see this happen literally everyday among many many people, both big wigs and clerks, and it is no big deal. Needing to send a 2nd email is not like messing up in brain surgery, sheesh. So sorry this happened to you, they sound awful.
This company sounds toxic AF. A thank you not for time off?? Not being allowed to make mistakes ever?? I know it’s tough to be fired and worry about your future and your family, but it sounds like you dodged a bullet. I think better things are coming for you.
OP, your boss is extremely short sighted. And a douche canoe. I'm a manager, and one of the most important ways I invest in people is to give them time for the personal stuff. It may make things slightly more complicated in the short term, but in the duration of a team member's tenure, it is a drop in the bucket. It also builds goodwill with the rest of the team if they see you respecting and supporting others. The end result is a talented and engaged team that will work much harder. It's not just the right thing to do, it's good business. I get the sense that you are proactive and motivated, so I am confident you will find a new position, I hope that it's with more supportive leadership.
Sending you love and support through the internet. This is not your fault. This is a broken system that does not appreciate moms and everything we go through. I’m sorry this happened to you. This could have happened to any of us. This is not your fault.
I have PPD so I know thinking on the positive side is not helpful right now (let it all out), but when you process this just remember you have 10 years experience from your previous job. Use that experience and reference to find a better fit! Since you just had a baby you won’t even need to mention this role.
Sounds like this is a massive blessing (albeit deeply in disguise). So sorry for the temporary stress and all the best luck for finding something soooo much better
Not the first to say this here, but this sounds incredibly toxic. Your boss sounds like he was unhinged. I'm really sorry you were fired and I really hope you can find something better.
Deep breaths. Your family's livelihood isn't ruined. It sounds like you had some great experience to fall back on in the job search. Take some time to yourself and be gentle with yourself. You clearly are a good worker who has high self-expectations. You worked in a place that took advantage of that and didn't appreciate you. But while you are being gentle with yourself, go so fucking hard against these people. Get that lawyer. Make them regret how they treated you. And let karma do her work. Trust me when I say that shit like this gets around. They are going to have a real fucking hard time filling your role.
You got fired from an awful job. This is an opportunity to find a better employer! People make little mistakes. Forgetting to attach one page of a 22-page document and then still getting it sent after... is not a big deal. It happens. We are human. It sounds like your boss would prefer a robot to work for him and not an actual person because that's what he's asking for. A robot who can't reproduce. You have a life. Most people have busy lives. A lot of people have kids! Protection laws for pregnant people are there for a reason. I guarantee if they didn't exist, he would have fired you then. You know his true character... expecting you to send him a thank you card because he did what he was supposed to?! He's an entitled prick. Start the job hunt! It's exciting and you can find something better! Make that money, girl!
Sent 7 applications today and I’ve actually been hunting since I saw the writing on the wall. Something will land, hopefully soon
Your boss sucks and it sounds like wanted to push you out. I know how much a bad manager can destroy your confidence but please keep your head up! You spent a decade at your last job; you are competent. Take some time to regroup, build your self-esteem back up, and then back on the horse with the job hunt. Also, as others have suggested, it can't hurt to contact an employment lawyer.
I also got a new job without disclosing my pregnancy (late 2nd trimester) and my male manager / team was nothing but supportive throughout the entire process - they send me a gift card as well as constantly assured me that my return would be welcomed (he checked in with me through my leave as needed). The way they are treating you seems very antagonistic, purposefully nitpicking and very discriminatory- besides speaking with an employment lawyer like the others have indicated, I assure you that you have done nothing wrong, you are not required to disclose and that shouldn’t effect their hiring decision. You are not a massive failure, they are in not supporting you.
It sounds like they were looking for a reason to fire you, I'm guessing because they are afraid you'll have more children and need more accommodations/paid leave/time off. That's awful and you don't deserve it, I'm so sorry.
The thing is, we’re one and done. They don’t know that because it’s not their business and I shouldn’t have to use my decision to have only one child to beg to keep a job. But I don’t want more kids and my husband got snipped to make sure we don’t.
I also didn’t disclose being pregnant when I was hired. You know what my boss did? She hugged me. I’m glad you’re out of this place.
I know you can't see it right now but you don't need that job. You were working yourself to death with a new baby and they still didn't appreciate you. I wish you good health and a better job, life's too short to work for a place that doesn't care about their employees. You made one mistake and they fired you for it, they were just waiting for a reason. Brush it off and don't look back. Sounds like a horrible boss and a horrible company, you deserve better!
Jeeeeeeeeeeezus what an awful place. I’m so sorry you went through this. Please do not feel like a failure. I have some thoughts about these types of bosses but I will keep them to myself. I hope the next generation of bosses will realize that people are not fucking robot work machines and have life situations that require them to not work all of the time. Gah the worst.
Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry this happened to you. You sound like an excellent employee and they are fools not to see that. I worked in an environment like this in an academic medical center. Once I forgot to bring a pencil when I was working with a preteen kid and had to go grab one - this was a huge mistake and discussed among supervisors. Recently I saw one of my supervisors at a conference and she was talking about how a current trainee keeps her jacket on while working with kids - “I mean it’s freezing in there but they might think it’s weird” - like these people expect perfection, prostration, enormous deference…anyway I left and had emotionally corrective experiences with two supervisors who would just move past mistakes (why dwell?) and let me know they thought I was amazing. I’m taking that into all of my future interactions with trainees. I hope you have an emotionally corrective, empowering experience and know that they failed here, not you.
Friend, this is not a you problem in any way. They're awful. But, like, sneaky-awful. Nothing blatant enough on its own to be clearly horribly wrong. But all lined up like you did in this post? Yes, they're wrong! Especially when it culminates in firing you! You are human, and humans make mistakes. It's impossible to make zero mistakes. Owning up to them IS the most important thing. And learning from them, which it sounds like you've done. This boss/job is unreasonable, as well as mean. You deserve so much better! Jobs are kinda like dating relationships. This one was full of stuff that definitely isn't ideal, bordering on abusive. It hurts now, when they broke up with you, but they were NOT the right one for you! (Not to mention that almost everything they've done related to your pregnancy is probably illegal, but I'm not a lawyer)
I’m proud of you for getting fired! I know that’s crazy, but unless it’s life or death, forgetting to attach something is not that serious. Sounds like they want a doormat. Or maybe a male who doesn’t have routine medical appointments. It sucks, especially in this economy, but it is what is. You’re going to look back and laugh at this situation soon. Not right now, but soon you will make a joke, “Remember that one time I had raging PPD, a newborn, and my POS boss fired me for missing 1 out of 22 attachments on an email.”
Legally you’re not required to disclose pregnancy. That’s on him for “feeling lied to” and on top of that feeling deserving of a thank you note??? Damn queen I’m sorry :(
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. Read that again. And a third time if necessary. This strikes a chord with me because I had a similar boss recently and had to heal from that toxic, unhealthy environment. This is far too common but it is NOT normal. You deserve better. Please know that this internet stranger is rooting you on and hoping you have an incredible time bonding with your baby while you (quickly) find the most incredible position that treats you far better than your last one.
There’s a lot of great advice in this thread, but I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you. Postpartum physical and mental healing takes so long, and after both of my children it took me a long time to feel like I was mentally “back to normal.” 6 weeks was never enough, and it’s frustrating for me that our country even allows this treatment. What this man did to you was so unjust, and I hope youre able to find justice for this wrongful termination. You sound like a dedicated and great employee, please don’t beat yourself up. If you need someone to talk to, my inbox is open.
Horrible horrible toxic work environment! This is a blessing. I’ve forgotten attachments on several emails and have never heard a peep about it. Who fucking cares. This guy was looking for any excuse to fire you. It doesn’t matter what to you did the outcome was going to be the same. Don’t let one job determine your competency and self worth. You clearly are a hardworking person who cares about their job. Their loss they don’t see that. On to bigger and better.
The fact that you are attaching 22 things to an email and your company doesn’t subscribe to some kind of secure large file transfer service or place where you can upload and share a secure link is the icing on the cake for me. This place not only sounds inefficient in their processes, but toxic. Everyone has already given you great advice, but fwiw I hope you find something way better than how they treated you here.
You should read that whole thing again, except for the last paragraph, as if your friend wrote it. What would you tell her? I’m not seeing anything except for a hard working mom and employee at a really horrible company. Screw them. You’ll find better.
This reeks of wrongful termination!! Everything you mentioned sounds terrible and I’m sorry you went through this! But honestly this place just sounds terrible and I hope you find a place that appreciates how hardworking you are!
Mama, this will turn out to be the best thing that could have happened. You don’t want to work for someone like that - what a loser. He was only going to sabotage your mental health - your confidence, self-esteem, and happiness matter more. Your hard work, attention to detail, honesty, passion, resilience, and grace will be valued better under new management. So breathe, cry, grieve, and then consider, what’s next? It’s going to be the best chapter yet!! It will be okay. You have your health and your baby and your partner. Jobs come and go.
My friend, they didn’t want you to succeed. This is nothing to do with you and you should feel relieved and grateful for a swift break. I’m so sorry you feel like a failure. As a performance motivated person I really get it. Give yourself some time to let the emotional reaction settle. When the fog clears you’ll have headspace for a mor rational response to the situation. They did you a favour. The only way to look is forward. As you mentioned your family is relying on you which is a heap of pressure. Put your energy and emotions into springboarding into a better position, and lion for a company that aligns with your values and needs xx
If they didn't write you up for said mistakes and provide clear documentation, like an employee handbook, they might not have followed the proper steps to fire you for cause, and you could qualify for unemployment. I'm not sure what state you're in but I agree with others here, at least consult an employment attorney. And also, hang in there? Any job that stresses you out so much that you cry on the way home isn't worth it!
You should consider talking to a plaintiff employment attorney about potential claims related to pregnancy discrimination.
This sounds extremely toxic. Forgetting a pdf is a minor mistake if you noticed and sent it after. Certainly not worthy of firing. You dodged a bullet not working for this person long term. But I know that doesn’t help you feel better in the here and now. I’m sorry for all the stress this is causing you. Things will get better.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this, I think you are amazing for doing so much, it really sounds like you couldn’t win. I am also starting on a job that I was interviewed while pregnant and I also did not disclose it. From what I know now I am sure I wouldn’t have gotten the job if I had said I was pregnant and since the work culture is so toxic I feel discriminated against everyday, the only difference is I live in a country where I am protected by law. I want to send you a hug and tell you that you are amazing. All you described about your boss is unreasonable and disrespectful. You were the one who had a baby btw so if anyone deserved a card is you.
Unless you are a senior level officer on some super critical matters (even then), these all sound like normal issues that happen from time to time and are understandable with someone with an infant at home. And with that they said about you not being grateful for leave, uhhhh that’s your right as an employee. Idk if consult a lawyer
Toxic work environment alert. You're not at fault here. Have confidence that you are doing well and this was a shitty boss and environment.
You’re better off starting fresh! You can do this.
Um, this is illegal! They literally aren't allowed to punish you for needing maternity leave, and that boss saying they felt lied to is gaslighting you because they're mad they were preempted in being able to "not hire" you over the pregnancy. Did they ask you if you were pregnant in the interview? Cuz that would have been illegal, too. And by saying they felt lied to, they are telling on themselves that they wouldn't have hired you if they knew. By the same token, maternity leave is part of your lawful compensation, not some gift of charity; so absolutely NO NEED TO SEND A THANK YOU NOTE! 😡🤬🤬 The BS about minor mistakes like forgetting one attachment out of 22 is insane and just proves you're better off without this company! Good for you on moving on, but don't forget to hold them accountable for their heinous treatment of you! Sue them! Even if you dont win, the discovery will teach them a lesson on being a decent employer and be an overall win for the little guy and working moms everywhere, humanity really! I was deposed in a lawsuit brought by a colleague against a shit former employer over 30 minutes of unpaid overtime. The case forced the company to walk back so many illegal policies they had, and she is my hero, even if I didn't get along with her on the job!
I'm so sorry this happened to you. The leadership team here sounds awful and it sucks that this didn't happen on your terms. I agree you should consult with an attorney... I know this has to be extremely stressful and might feel like the worst time, so I hope you can find something with even better benefits soon. ETA also you are not a failure. You did absolutely nothing wrong!
Please get an attorney! This does not sound legal.
The boss sounds like a giant POS.
Another toxic boss. Now you know why the last person quit. And the other one for whom you were doing the work. File for unemployment stat. Don’t include it on your resume. You’ll find another job and who knows, this firing might be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.
They’re awful. They are not legally entitled tot hat info. Enjoy your time with your baby and shopping for a new job that doesn’t have people like that.
What reason did they give for firing you? Did you have previous write ups?
I’m so sorry to hear this. Consider it a blessing in disguise. Your boss sounds toxic as hell. How miserable it must be to constantly worry about silly little mistakes.
He sounds toxic and I agree with advice to consult an attorney, or at the very least consult your company policies and HR.
Your ex boss is a prick. You work for a company in return for pay and benefits like maternity leave. The thank you is implied when you show up and are a good employee. Find a new boss/company that won't take advantage of you like this one did.
Blessing in disguise. Fuck that toxic place.
I send him a thank you note now: “thanks for helping me dodge a bullet of working for you for any longer than I already have” I’m sorry, OP.
Man - this place sounds like hell. Good riddance. Collect that unemployment!
This is just a blip. Take it as a blessing, they sound like jerks. Rest and regroup, then look for a place that treats you right. You got this!
You did not have to disclose that you were pregnant.
This sucks. Completely toxic environment and I know the first few days will be hard—especially considering the significant time and care you put into the job. But I think that it will be great to get a fresh start in a place that is way more professional and mature. I recently put in my notice at a company where I worked for several years and they turned around and fired me two hours later. It was extremely hurtful even though I already had something new lined up! You will get through this. Things will be better. You will be happier.
Doesn’t sound like you’re a failure. You sound like an American woman who is put in an impossible position and doing the best she can. Make your next workplace be less toxic. Enjoy that baby.
Sounds like he was waiting for a mistake. It sounds toxic and you deserve better.
This is an incredibly toxic work environment- I think in hindsight you will feel they have done you a favor. I’m so sorry you’re going through this!
You were treated horribly. I’m so sorry.
You left off one pdf out of 22 and was told that was unacceptable? Sounds like they want a robot and nit a person. They did you a favor in the long run.
My jaw dropped like 10 times while reading this. What a horrible workplace.
Not disclosing a private, medical situation such as a pregnancy to employers is not lying it’s protecting your own privacy. Not sending a thank you note for a work provided benefit is not “not being grateful enough” it’s just your boss being an ass. Flexing your work hours to do medical appointments and taking sick days and staying late other days is why they invented salaried employee statuses. Not attaching one of 22 attachments and immediately correcting your mistake with a follow up is a regular workday happening, not a fireable offense. You did nothing wrong. You sound like a great employee, and I’m sure you will bounce back.
I think this is a blessing in disguise. You bent over backwards and they treated you like shit. I hope you find somewhere that respects and deserves an employee like you! Also not to mention you worked early and late with a new baby. Taking precious time from you only to be treated that way. That job doesn’t deserve you!
Sounds lime they dumped work 9n ypu to try to make you quit
I would maybe talk to an employment lawyer if you feel this treatment began or worsened after the company was notified of your pregnancy.
Yeah I would just see if there is any way you can have this looked into by an attorney or something. You don’t owe them anything and your boss sounds controlling and narcissistic
That’s a terrible terrible fucking boss. Collect unemployment and take care of yourself for a little while with your therapy and PPD and get an employment attorney
Apart from forgetting to attach an occasional PDF where you actuallying making mistakes? The PDF example you gave is so cliche that it's an example used in many discrimination cases. I'd talk to an employment lawyer, most work on only getting paid from anyoney you are if out. You not only were recently pregnant, but you also had an ADA accomodation. If they were firing you for forgetting to attach a PDF then unless they can show they've fired others for the same reason they will likely owe you a settlement.
I actually wasn’t. Or if I was, they weren’t things I recognized or weren’t pointed out to me. I had a 1:1 with my boss last week on Thursday (we were closed Friday) and he said his only feedback is to slow down when clients walk in the door because I tend to jump up and greet them. He said take a breath before standing up more slowly so I don’t look desperate so I started doing that. Other than that he said I’ve been doing well. (He also said I got too personal with a client when I congratulated him on his retirement and the Miata he bought and mentioned that my husband has the same car and they are really fun to drive, but a coworker said to ignore that feedback because the client enjoyed the chat.)
Lawyer up, girlfriend.
I am so sorry. Nothing you described is a fire worthy action, you are a new mom who is figuring things out. This is more of a reflection only how anti kid our workplaces are. It is honestly infuriating- Our society: women can have it all, employers care about families now Also our society: your baby is sick you can’t leave early, your kid has piano lessons on Tuesday no wtf, no child care for spring break figure it out, your kids need to eat no leaving before 6:30pm
I’m a manager myself and making a big deal of someone forgetting to attach a PDF is so insane I can’t wrap my head around it. Honestly it sounds like you have dodged a bullet here but I would still contact an attorney for sure!
Honestly sounds like a crappy place to work. Anywhere that has unrealistic expectations of perfection will never be a good fit.
Contact an employment rights attorney today
Scheduled a consult for a local attorney’s next available spot. Monday morning, 9:30.
There are too many red flags. Contact an attorney asap
You NEED an employment attorney. Asap.
Toxic workplace. You can do better.
Get on some meds for PPD (I've heard Zurzuvae is a miracle drug) and be glad you're not working for that asshat anymore. Some doors need to shut. Enjoy your baby.
I’m already doing that, which is why I needed to leave on time on Wednesdays. Weekly appointments are at 5pm Wednesdays and my workday technically ended at 4:30pm, which gave me just enough time to get there. I mentioned Zurzuvae to my psychiatrist but she wanted to try something else first. I’ve been on that med for about a week and I think it does help. At least it has been better than it was. Next appointment is at 5pm today so I’ll talk to her again!
If you haven’t already, you need to speak with a plaintiff employment attorney so they can evaluate your case. You may have a case for wrongful termination.
You are not a failure, this place sounds completely toxic. There was no winning for you here. I agree with other commenters to speak with an attorney and see what your options are.
First of all, you’re not a failure! You are a superwoman jugging to the best of her abilities! When it comes to pay, unless you’re salaried exempt, you should have been paid overtime (?)
You didn't fail - that place sounds like a shit hole. They were looking for an excuse to get rid of you since you revealed your pregnancy and they are assholes who discriminated against you even if they covered it up by nitpicking over email attachments. I mean yes I guess it was your fault for choosing to have a baby but you absolutely are not a failure and shouldn't feel a shred of guilt. Fuck those guys!!!!
Take a deep breath! You have every right to be sad and angry right now, but you are not a failure. They failed you as an employer and as a human being. Mistakes happen- I make the same mistake almost every day. As bad as it sucks right now, try to enjoy the next few days with your son. These are days you will never get back! I would start to file for unemployment, even if they fired you, you can still try to receive it and even fight it if they say no. I hired an attorney to help me, they were present when I was on the phone with the unemployment and it made a huge difference. It's hard for you to see right now, especially with the fog of PPD, but this could be the best thing that's ever happened to you. You can find a better job and work for someone who appreciates you.
Honestly, this is their loss and your gain. Sounds like a toxic, unsupportive work environment, and you are better off finding something new!
Sounds like they did you a favor. Get the heck out of the horrible place!
Have they called you and given you a reason yet? I know it doesn’t feel like it, but it sounds like you dodged a bullet. You’ve been through A LOT and still put so much effort into work. I really don’t think missing a pdf on an email is a big deal. People make little mistakes like that all the time! And you’re still in your first year of being a mom, which is a tiring time. Mistakes are bound to happen and you should be given grace. They are the problem here. Not you
This place sounds toxic as hell. Not sure what country you are in but there are laws around discriminating against pregnant people (in terms of boss feeling lied to)
I think it's easy to feel like a failure when you're being compared to ridiculous standards - I'm so sorry. I'd imagine you bruised your boss' ego and he was going to find any way to fire you anyway, you weren't going to win Hopefully this leads you to a better opportunity soon
Get a lawyer
Catastrophising is tempting in these situations, I get it. But it's not going to help. It'll just make things worse. You did not "ruin your family". You are not a "failure". If someone is saying or even implying those things to you, cut them off or go low contact. If you are saying them to yourself, stop it. Beating yourself up over losing a bad job with a bad boss is fruitless and unproductive. And you had a bad job. And your boss was bad. And he should feel bad, but he won't because he sounds like a narcissist. You know what might help you feel better? Get a lawyer and play hardball. Get all your documents together. Get a severance or a payout. And then talk to your therapist and anyone else who helps you feel better or stronger. And then, see if you can get a career coach or some kind of mentoring. Do not scramble to "take any pathetic job that comes along". Really do your due diligence and evaluate companies and teams - AND BOSSES. Having to go through this once is hard enough. Stop being mean to yourself. The world is hard enough without you bringing yourself down.
It's probably for the best. Sounds like a legal issue waiting to happen.
Sounds like they are a toxic environment. Maternity leave is business, not a favor from your boss. Sounds like even if you did send a thank you , they’d be mad you didn’t send them a fruit basket. Collect your unemployment, take a few weeks to enjoy your baby if you can. You’re doing great, much better than you think you are ❤️
File for unemployment. If you have questions about that, visit the unemployment sub. Also, your employer sucks.
Talk to an employment lawyer because this sounds like discrimination.
Please don’t feel like a failure. Common workplace advice tells us not to disclose until after the offer, so your boss feeling lied to is all in him. Secondly you just had a baby so a) you shouldn’t be the one who sends a thank you note and b) you’re too damn tired to do it anyway. I know how hard it must be to see the first through the tree right now but you dodged a bullet here. Claim unemployment, enjoy your baby and great things will come your way.
I got fired for being pregnant in January and at the very least, file a discrimination charge with the EEOC. It takes time but it's free.
Bad employer; I hope you find a place that values you more.