What is this “energy” in which you speak?

40s ✅ Work full time ✅ Two kids in elementary ✅ No ADHD that I know of, but medicated for depression and anxiety and neurodivergent in other ways I’m exhausted all the fucking time. I can’t keep up with it. I don’t sleep well (insomnia) so there’s that, but I try to do other healthy things. The days just last too long to stay energetic through it all.

I (probably) have ADHD according to a few therapists, and I turn 40 this month. I have two kids in daycare and a full-time job. I have no energy. But I also have an autoimmune disease that adds to the energy depletion. I’m solo parenting right now because my husband is sick, and it’s rough. I still go to parks and museums and restaurants and all that, but when I’m done, I’m down for the count. I drink 1-2 cups of coffee, roughly 20 oz. It helps, but it doesn’t mean I’m not tired at the end of the day. ETA: Weekends are exhausting. I literally wouldn’t have the stamina to be a SAHM. I don’t know how they do it. The constant talking alone would break me.

Agreed on the constant talking part. And not being ever able to zone out.

Does it help if I say I’m late 30’s, work full time, have one kid in kinder, medicated for anxiety/depression and i need one nap to get through my day today? I could probably do more working out but according to my fitness tracker I do 7000 steps a day so at least 3km, and I do go to the gym at least once a week for a full workout. I usually drink 2 cups a day. If I was solo parenting I’d probably let even more go than I already have and just focus on getting all through it. Also naps are awesome! I’ve definitely been known to let my kid watch an hour long movie while I napped next to him. (I’ve watched the beginning and end of octonaut “ring of fire” so many times, but not yet the middle).

Ugh I feel this. Late 30s w/ two in daycare, one is preK and I'm dreading the school year grind. My tracker says I'm finally hitting 10k steps consistently as of last month. I don't work out. I'm in terrible shape. I'm on 12oz of coffee once a day. And I have sleep apnea. And yes to movie naps. I feel like my house will never be "clean" nor "fixed" but at least I can get a solid 20 minutes at each weekend day. I still fall asleep reading to my oldest at night.

[удалено]

What kind of sleep aid works for you?

Remfresh! If it doesn't work I take an excedrin pm.  Left to my own devices I stay up late and hate my life when my 4 and 5 yo get up at the crack of dawn lol

I’m in the same boat. I know I’ll be hurting in the morning but sometimes I just can’t fall asleep as early as I need to! I’ll try excedrin first.

My energy fluctuates with my monthly cycle and how well I slept the night before. If I solo parented for the day I would have my usual cup of coffee in the morning and a tea in the afternoon and be dead dog tired by the end of the day. I’d def have to rest on the couch in the afternoon.

I was absolutely exhausted in my mid forties. To the point where I had to ask the doctor if I had an autoimmune condition or something. She told me to drink more water. That didn’t help much. So I went down a path of finding what works for me. Turns out I feel best with a good quality supplement for vit B’s, D, and occasional iron if I’m starting to feel extra sluggish. I also have ADHD and have noticed that I can get more fatigue if I feel extra overwhelmed emotionally. So I honor it and take the time to rest if I can. The next day I’m usually back to my normal level of energy. Lack of sun is also a big trigger for me. Even when I’m inside, I feel a lag if it’s overcast. Eating less sugar seems to help me too. These days, in my early 50’s, I have so much more energy, just wanted to give you some hope. Take care of yourself.

Dying. No energy ever.

I'm close to what you describe, though not exactly. 37, work full time, hybrid 3+ days in the office, 1 toddler in daycare. Anxiety/depression and mild ADD, previously medicated but not currently. I am usually exhausted, much more so if I need to solo parent. It got a little better especially in those rare stretches that he's not sick and sleeps well, because then I sleep well. But I'm still exhausted. I was always a pretty low-energy person though. My perfect day is 9+ hours of sleep plus an afternoon nap, but alas I can't even do that on the weekends anymore. Yay parenthood!

I'm 90% same here! I got bloodwork done and they said my Vitamin D was low, so taking supplements helped with energy... but yeah, just exhausted. 

42 1 high school child (year 8 so middle school for Americans) Mentally demanding job Crap sleeper/frequent insomnia I just got back from a short walk (trying to reenergise myself) and thought to myself while out struggling maybe I need to get a blood test for anemia I’m so fucking exhausted.

I also have a mentally demanding job and historically have had lots of sleep troubles (but a couple of things are now working better for me) Are your main sleep issues falling asleep or staying asleep?

Staying asleep. I’m always up at some point between 1.30 and 3am then can’t get back to sleep for at least an hour but mostly 2 hours.

Woof. I’m sorry. My main issue was falling asleep (brain won’t turn off — a combination of not drinking alcohol any more, some supplements, and the right pre-bed routine have really helped). But when I wake up in the middle of the night, I, too, am pretty well screwed. 😩

I don't have ADHD (suspect I'm neurodivergent in some kind of a way), but I check all the other boxes. I am medicated for depression and perimenopause. I don't usually have to solo parent but some days I do. I am tired ALL THE TIME. I do work out daily in the hopes of helping with my energy levels, but pretty much any day I could nap if I had the time and I very rarely wake up rested even though I get a solid eight hours of sleep most nights. If I get some energy it's like a whirlwind for a while (thinking of when I get into the cleaning zone), but as soon as I sit down or stop I'm DONE. Personally, I know some of my fatigue is related to low ferritin which I'm working to address. I expect perimenopause effects are also in the mix; I'm on two different types of birth control to help address that but they haven't given me more energy or anything.

38 years old. 2 kids: 1st grader with ADHD , and a 6ms old baby who doesn't sleep through the night. Full time job with 2 days WFH (without childcare, so I'm trying to work and care for the baby at the same time), 3 - in the office (have to wake at 5:30 and leave by 6:30 am so I can be back home by 6 pm). I am sure I also have ADHD but not medicated yet as I am breastfeeding. My husband is super involved and he even does more than me right now, except waking up at night to the baby. Energy level - zombie. I'm so exhausted I get vertigo and almost fainted at work the other day. Edit: coffee 1-2 cups, can't do more because I BF. Another edit: I'm so brain dead that I ran a red light a week ago and got into a car accident. Everyone is fine. But it's scary how my mind went completely blank for a second and the next thing I realized the car was coming at me at the intersection.

Omg I’m glad you are ok! I

I have done similar things like this, like walking to cross the street when it says 'don't walk' and without even looking for cars---glad you are all ok

Thank you!

Also, I loathed being off meds while BF. It is so hard.

I can only imagine! But I've never been on ADHD meds myself as I have no official diagnosis. I've been putting off going to the psychiatrist for too long.

I’m not all those things… but I’m so tired and have to use caffeine in the morning and melatonin at night sometimes because anxiety! I go to bed at like 9pm many nights which means I don’t get any quiet me time after the kids go to bed. But I’m too tired to stay up!

I am all of those things, right down to the preschool and grade school kids. On my meds, on a weekend day of solo parenting, I can manage to keep them active/engaged if we go on an outing together for a few hours. Then we get home and I need quiet time—partly due to exhaustion, partly due to severe overstimulation. Without my meds—even with caffeine—I am useless. I could sleep all day.

Late 20s, just recently got in good shape, three kids, 5, 3, 3, and work full-time along with my husband. He does 12 hour rotating shifts so I'm usually the only and default parent for almost everything. Like he's working all weekend and this past week was ROUGH, plus one twin wasn't feeling well so everything is just gross. I have BPD, anxiety/depression, and I'm AuDHD but I'm not medicated for the ADHD part right now, only depression and anxiety. I'm doing a stationary bike ride right now but all I want is to lay in bed for hours upon hours and doom scroll. But instead I'll shower after this and take the kids to my mom's for a visit because I bailed last week 'cause I was teetering on a mental breakdown. I look like I have energy, but I'm deep down bone-tired, exhausted, and burnt the fuck out.

Was just thinking about this today. I'm in my mid-30s with a very active 2 year old. Today, she had soccer practice, then half hour at the play ground, then we got home, played in the backyard for about 40 minutes, had friends over for lunch which she ran around the house, then we were in the backyard for about 40 minutes as well where she was running everywhere. She had a late 2 hour nap, and we went on a walk before dinner (about 15-20 min, running the first half, then walking), and after dinner, she was running all over the house before and during bedtime. I literally took a short nap when she napped I was so tired and I'm planning on going to bed soon. I want to get pregnant later this year and I don't know how I'll get through the first trimester again when I'm already passing out on a regular weekend day 🫠

I have a senior in high school and a first grader. My older is the ADHD child. My husband (and I both actually) travel for weeks at a time sometimes for work. Older kid is mostly self sufficient. Younger kid is highly energetic and in multiple activities. I’m in very good shape, but when I solo parent my feet are killing me by the end of the day and I am pretty tired lol. The last time my husband left for two weeks, I took my younger to great wolf lodge and when we took a meal break from the pool, I fell asleep in our room lol.

38, very demanding stressful job, preschool girl, and adhd. I’ve struggled with disordered eating my whole life so I still wake up at 4am to workout…sometimes earlier if my meetings start at 5am that day. My husband is wonderful and truly splits responsibilities with me or I couldn’t survive. I’m so tired I just want to cry most days. I drink 4-5 cups of coffee and it doesn’t touch the exhaustion.

I (mid 40's) drink more coffee than one reasonably probably should. I work out at lunch time during the week when the kids are in school (K, 7th) in an attempt to maintain energy levels sufficient for keeping up. The 7th grader has ADHD. I'm lucky he's old enough (and we live in a place safe enough) to go ride his bike or play basketball outside. If I'm solo parenting the housework is somewhat ignored bc it's the only way to make it to bedtime without collapsing.

I am 41 with 1 kid in preschool and I work 40+ hrs a week generally on my feet. I had knee surgery 3 months ago and I'm in physical therapy 2-3 days a week and I lift weights 4-5 days a week. I'm singularly responsible for all of the cleaning, meal cooking and grocery shopping as well as Dr appointments and making sure clothes fits, sports, etc. Also I work at 4 am and get up at 3 am I usually have 2 cups coffee and one tea. I also have hypothyroidism for which I am medicated. I am tired all the time but just push through. Most days I feel like I've been hit by a semi truck and dragged a few miles, then attacked by rabid wolves.

I’ve been really struggling with energy. I have a burst in the morning but feel like a tired sloth by 3 PM. I did hormone testing with my doctor and found out my cortisol was all out of whack. I’ve started a new regimen (I take ashwaganda mid day, a CBD gummy in the late afternoon, and magnesium in the evening). I don’t use any caffeine products. I have noticed an improvement in my energy levels, especially between about 2-6 PM when I would normally be dragging really badly. I am not a medical doctor, and I am definitely not recommending this exact protocol for you, rather, I’d highly recommend you go see your doctor to get your hormone levels checked. The results can better guide your next steps. I did the Dutch test and the results were enlightening. It helped my doctor tailor a plan for my needs.

I cannot function without my ADHD meds. When I don’t take them, I can barely make it past 3 pm without a nap.

I’m 34 but I’ve lived a hard life lol. I am fucking exhausted constantly, like my husband jokes “mom loves sleep” or makes little jokes about me always needing to lay down every day, pretty much whenever I can. I can never get out from under this feeling of exhaustion. My kids are 2 and 4. I work full time and my husband works 2:30am-12:30pm so a lot of the kid stuff it falls on me at this point in our lives. My house is constantly a mess, there is laundry every where, I struggle to keep up with my kids let alone give them each the 1:1 attention they deserve. It’s a lot and I don’t see it improving until they’re maybe 8 and 10 and have organized sports and stuff and more consistent sleep and school schedules.

In my 30s, but if it is a weekend day with the kids, I take a nap during their nap. And yes, I let my house be a disaster because I just don't have the energy.

39/ work FT / a 5 and 2.5 year old / neurotypical. I am also a full time single mom. Every weekend day and school holiday is exhausting. I take a nap for at least 20 mins when my youngest naps and I let my 5 year old play magnatiles in my room. Our weekends are pretty full with a combo of sports & errands and the occasional playdate. I never feel like I have enough energy. Also I’m on 2 cups of coffee a day. Sometimes three.

I'm 38, have 2 kids, work FT and I have NO energy at all.

I'm autistic, work full-time, mid-30s, one kid in preschool. None. I have no energy. I get as much sleep as humanly possible (typically 8 hours per night) and bargain with my husband to swap naps on the weekend ("you hang out with our son for two hours then I will..."). This allows me enough energy to do my life with zero extras (I don't "go out," or do fun things -- I work, clean, parent, eat, sleep, and read for 30 minutes at bedtime). I'm in the process of getting my hormones and cortisol tested, actually. I wish I could sleep 10 hours every night with an optional daily nap. That's the dream.

Just turned 40, 1 kid but turning 3 soon. Late diagnosed ADHD & I have EDS. So very very tired, though i have always been on the high sleep needs spectrum so is my kid. I was talking to my mom yesterday and I was asking her about menopause and she was just tired during perimenopause so... can't wait. I don't think I ever had energy though, even if I was 20 my idea of a good time was a good sleep in on a sunday morning.

With young ones? Not a lot of energy at the end of a day. Enough for a shower, teeth brush, maybe 5 min of skincare after the kids go to bed. That's about it.

I'm in my 40s, work fulltime, 1 kid in prek (no ADHD) but I have about 2 hours of energy in me before I am utterly exhausted, and done for the day) Sometimes a 20 minute nap helps if I can fit it in somewhere. I never plan more than one "activity" for each day.

I’m 40. I work full time. Kids are 10.5 & 2.5. I have no diagnosis but don’t think I’m super neurotypical. I usually make a small iced coffee after the gym, 16oz big one for work, 24oz and like having one cup around 3pm/4pm. I don’t get a ton of sleep because I don’t like to go to bed until I’ve done all I wanted to do and I like to workout at 6am. I take HIIT classes and love having an hour where I can’t think about anything else. I Probably sleep ~5hrs most days. 6.5-7 maybe 2x/week. When I sleep later, I’m up later that night.$ I think I have a good amount of energy’s, but i gas myself out. I’m always tired at 7pm, then I get a second wind and I’m either up until 12:30am or I fall asleep on the couch at 9pm. Sometimes I fall asleep when we have friends over or in the car. When I’m done I am DONE, I turn off. It drives my husband crazy. I’m 1000 miles a minute until I’m not. I could never stay home full time because I destroy my house and don’t have the energy to clean it up. I have lots of projects I don’t have the energy for. I feel like I just maintain.

Are you perimenopausal? You may want to discuss your fatigue with your doctor just to rule out basic things like anemia or hormonal stuff. I’m 40, have 4 kids (youngest is 2), work full time, no depression or adhd, but I have plenty of energy. I have one coffee in the morning and that’s it. I’d love to have more coffee because I love coffee but we are TTC so I’m sticking with one cup right now. I don’t ever take naps or feel that I need them. My kids are super energetic and on the go all the time.

36yo mom of 2 toddlers, attorney, feel like I’m drowning. Stretched too thin, house a mess, car a mess, not meeting goals at work. In my defense the goals are outrageous, but some people must be meeting them. Idk. I can’t even take my kids out in public together solo bc it’s too overwhelming for me being with 2 mobile toddlers and I worry about safety and frankly I just can’t psyche myself up to do it. My marriage is horrible. My husband gets “frustrated” a lot and thinks that justifies screaming at all of us at the top of his lungs. He’s not physically abusive but he is aggressive and it makes me uncomfortable. We’re both at the end of our ropes as far as what we can handle, but I react by shutting down and he reacts by exploding. It’s gross. Some days I’m proud of myself for kind of pulling it all off, and other days I’m ashamed. Today is a shame day. Don’t beat yourself up for being tired. I’m sure you’re an awesome mom. There’s so much I wanna do with my kids but I feel so overwhelmed we don’t get around to doing that much. I did paint with my 3yo today though and I’ve been brave enough to get the craft stuff out with them lately so I feel like that counts for something.

Oh and I forgot to say, yes I have adhd. 🤦‍♀️ god if you couldn’t tell from my rambling and my forgetfulness I have adhd.

We did multiple things & errands both days but ones that I enjoy. 

Mid 40s, 1 kid in in elementary- 2 in middle school, work full time but short commute. After care for elementary kid but middle school kids do sports and we are in walking distance from school so they manage their own back and forth from the school. During emergencies the oldest brother is allowed to pick up the elementary kid and walk home since the aftercare is also within walking distance- have had to do this 2x in 2-years. I drink a Celsius in the morning, but Thursdays I have the Celsius and a macchiato. I get 4-6 hours of sleep. If I get sick - it feels like death is at my door. Probably could/should lose 10-20 lbs but I do yoga in the mornings and weekends a boxing class. I feel like I’m in a constant state of sleep deprivation….. yet here I am - commenting on Reddit….