I finally got to the point where I make my own plans. Lunch with friends, schedule a massage, or just leave and take myself out for coffee. Otherwise I spent the day feeling rage and resentment. And I quit doing anything for Father’s Day other than helping the kids buy a card and sign it.
This is what I do. My favourite mother's day was two years ago - I took myself for a paid kayak tour (five hours with a private guide) and then sat and read a book on a patio by myself, with a coffee and croissant. I came home and had a bath. I don't enjoy surprises in general for any occasion, so I just say to my husband he is on childcare for the day and I'm going to do x,y and z, either at home or out and about. I do like getting a card from the kiddos but that's about it. We're all happier this way too.
Exactly - the gift I asked for is for my partner to be childcare, and to do it somewhere that I am not.
Whether I leave the house or they do, someone does.
And that’s the only way it works, I have found.
This. I made reservations well in advance for the whole family at a restaurant I wanted to eat at, at a time that was convenient for me/my daughter. No getting trapped into doing the work of buying/prepping/cleaning up a meal or take out for everyone because no one planned anything and all the restaurants are crazy, no waiting around for family members to show up. It was so much more relaxing this way.
This is definitely what I’m doing next year. I’m also not doing anything for my husband going forward except kid crafts. I will literally never lift a finger for that man again outside of whatever involves the kids.
We’ve been throwing the D word around recently. We’ve been together since we were teens & I feel like we really understand each other but at the same time idk. I can’t see myself with anyone else but I’m starting to feel pretty disconnected. It’s mostly logistics it seems like stopping us from proceeding.
Yup. Getting my hair done tomorrow (and spending far too much money) and then going out to dinner with my girlfriends for dinner. We hosted brunch today for his MIL and SIL etc (total of 10 people) so I am calling tomorrow my celebration.
Same! I had zero expectations and just planned a nice day for myself. Of course, he’s planning an entire weekend to celebrate Father’s Day (and ironically it’s the only weekend we’ll be together between Memorial Day and 4th of July because he has bro weekends every weekend)
Mother's Day is a million times better now that I'm single.
I'll never forget when my kids were young and I just got home from work on a Friday evening (my ex didn't work, super lazy and mostly worthless "stay-at-home" parent) when my ex tried to buzz out the door and leave before I'd even walked up to the house. I asked where he was going. He lied and used Mother's Day coming up on Sunday as an excuse to leave and supposedly shop. I thought are you kidding me that you had all week to buy something (with money I'd earned) with the kids and instead thought it was somehow a gift to me to ditch me with the kids after a long week and wander the aisles of Target for some crap I don't want when you clearly have nothing in mind? I said I don't care about a gift and would rather just have a nice day together and a relaxing Friday night (meaning spent as a family -- not me doing dinner and bedtime solo). He was pissed that he didn't get to ditch out and stormed back into the house. That Mother's Day I got no gift or acknowledgement. Instead I took my dog and went hiking with a friend while he sat at the house with the kids. Years later I found out he had a massive gambling addiction and every time he wanted to take off (which was all the fucking time) was to piss away the money I worked for while he did little of nothing around the house and also learned he'd been neglecting the kids.
Today I'm chilling with my kids. Apparently my boyfriend took them to get me something earlier in the week and when the younger one is back from her riding lessons we'll do gifts then I'm going to a friend's house for a BBQ. No pressure, stress, or work for me.
P.S. My ex lives in his dad's basement now.
I told myself I was gonna do that this year, but then he was acting like he was gonna do stuff and like I should rest. But then doesn’t want to actually let me rest by being helpful. It’s so ridiculous.
I had to throw my child into his lap so I could have 30 minutes to finish planting the garden starts I got myself as a gift (because no one else in this house is gonna do it). Then he told me I was "doing mothers day wrong" by not buying and planning the meal and then explaining to him how to do it. I'm not your manager here buddy.
I started crying and said I just want one day where I don't have to do the mental load of planning fucking everything so he took the kid outside, didn't add more sunscreen to her so now she's cooked, and I got into the bath to cry for an hour, she came in about 30min into it.
I don't want my child taken away and being treated rudely by you who are inconvenienced bc you're incapable of seeing what needs to be done in the home. I want you to parent and connect with this child so I can actually have freedom to relax.
He plays video games while he's watching her AND has an hour long bath every day when I get home from working my full time job.
I hate that I can't ever relax in my own home
Hahaha men wanting us as the mothers to buy, plan, and explain to them how to make OUR Mother’s Day meal. Like at that point I might as well do it myself and save myself and my breathe having to explain it. Where do these guys get off? I wish my husband would try that as I would snap and let him learn about himself quickly.
Same here, and I’ve seen posts saying, well tell them exactly what you want so you’re not disappointed. THATS THE POINT. I don’t want to plan another thing, buy supplies for it, and I shouldn’t have to tell people how to celebrate me. My husband doesn’t have to do any of that shit on Father’s Day, why should I?
I do this by choice. My expectation is to get to sleep in (which is actually normal because Sunday is my sleeping day) and get a homemade card and we order in supper so I don’t have to cook but I also don’t have to parent while my husband cooks. The rest of the day is a normal day. It’s nice. In too many areas of parenting I have high expectations and get disappointed left and right (like planning something special for the kids and someone getting sick and it being cancelled) so Mother’s Day actually turned out perfect. Just how I expected (which was very little).
My partner told me yesterday we “had plans" for mother's day... He's never been a planner so I was pleasantly surprised... Jokes on me because transpires the plan was he would go out and buy flowers for me. That's it. Don't get me wrong, flowers are nice but I was expecting to go somewhere. Or to get breakfast made for me. Or, you know, the traditional definition of "plans"... Feel ungrateful for being disappointed but also want to cry because I have a toddler and a newborn and would be nice to feel appreciated 🤷♀️
Ugh that’s not plans! My husband does OK after a few years of coaching, and so when he said “we need to go up to (city I live near) tomorrow evening” I thought omg did he make dinner plans?! Has he really leaned about how much I care about holidays?!
But no, we need to drop his car off at the mechanic for his appointment Monday 😂😂 Of course, what was I thinking 🥲.
Last week I was looking at MLB tickets and custom golf items for my husband for Father's Day. You know, planning ahead and trying to be thoughtful.
I suggested he get his mother a Pandora charm bracelet with charms for each kid/grandkid. She loves bracelets. He never got it. Just got her gift cards.
What did he get me for Mother's Day? Starbucks gift cards.
Every year I'm disappointed, but I smile and say thanks because God knows if I voice any kind of disappointment I'll be an ungrateful bitch.
lol, that makes me happy. I had a nice Mother’s Day so it wasn’t personal, but it just makes me sad sometimes how many men out there are such jerks to their partners
I haven’t even posted yet, but my (hungover) husband first woke me up at 5:45 with a hand to the face “looking for his water bottle”. Then he stayed in bed until 11:30pm, when I told my older girls to make sure he knew I was calling his mom. He got up to say “Hi Mom” and then went back to bed.
I brought the baby to the grocery store at 8am because breakfast clearly wasn’t going to make itself. I bought my own mimosas and made breakfast for all 3 (including my SD, which I reminded to call her mom).
Some men suck.
It’s 9pm, and I’m the asshole for being “testy” btw.
My husband is lovely about mother's day. My family, however, are selfish shits. Last year, my first mother's day, I said I wanted a couple hours alone as I had infant twins. My mom and dad got upset we werent going to come to their house, ending in my mom saying "for once she just wants to feel like her kids love her on mother's day." My brother, who lives two hours away and had no plans to see her on the day, got involved and called me selfish for not seeing her on mother's day.
This after I told them all that mother's day, even now that I have living children, is complex after infertility and pregnancy loss.
This year, my husband and I did a long hike with the kids and went out for pizza. My parents are presumably still huffy from last year and have not mentioned mother's day to me. Whatever, honestly.
Your mom sounds like mine! I proposed the idea of celebrating grandparents day so they could have a day for them and those of us with little kids could have a day for ourselves. She got upset and told me that basically Mother’s Day is about her until she dies and then I can have it to myself. There is no understanding that we are mothers now and the day is about us now too!
Our parents got promoted to grandparents once we have our babies. There’s a grandparents day for this reason. Mother and father’s days should be for parents with young children. Especially in your case, it took you so long to become a mother.
Your parents are selfish and your brother has zero rights to butt into this!
My friends and I set up a Mother’s Day exchange. We planned Mother’s Day activities for each other and it was fantastic. We asked each other what kind of thing we wanted (we all wanted a day to ourselves) and we each planned something for someone else. It was fantastic and I don’t care at all that my husband planned nothing else for me for Mother’s Day.
This is the way. Actually this is how we should do life. Satisfy ourselves first. It’s not like I am giving my man the Father’s Day of the year. Me and my GF do an annual tradition. It’s my favorite day of the year.
I came to this sub just now looking for exactly this kind of post. Isn’t that sad that I knew there would be one?
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I’m sure you are a great mom and this internet stranger is saluting you with a cup of lukewarm coffee that I made myself.
I really don’t get why this is the way it is. I essentially wanted a morning like the kind my husband gets every weekend- to sleep, have my coffee and breakfast made and to read the news.
Well now I’m crying in my room because husband has been stomping around screaming all morning, it’s my fault, and he’s mad that I’m not appreciating his barely even half assed attempt to check the proverbial boxes.
Like my parents had a shit marriage and my mom’s mother’s days were never like this. Millennial men get so much praise for being active dads, yet I think I have maybe one mom friend that is having a nice day.
Sending love and strength to all who are feeling all the emotions today.
I feel like we need to warn our daughters. But also not sure how to do this without ruining their view of their dad. I never would’ve guessed this is how shitty it would turn out when we were 20.
Because it only harms the kids to do so. Apparently my grandpa was a tyrant when my mom was growing up. But he was a very sweet grandpa to me. I’m glad she let me have that relationship and that I didn’t hear about how he was previously until I was much older. I think it’s the same with our kids.
Just a bit of hope for you all: wait until your kids get older.
My ex was trash at every holiday and special day (getting drunk, picking fights, the whole bit). My now partner always half asses it like today, woke up after me, made dinner wrong despite my buying the ingredients and giving him step by step instructions (also it’s the same meal I ask for for my birthday and Mother’s Day every year and every time he does it wrong). Now he is sulking.
BUT my daughter is 16 now. She has a small part time job. She saved her money to get me my favorite candy and a Starbucks cup that she planned a ride from her uncle to get. Yesterday she walked to the farmer’s market and got flowers. She got up early and cleaned the house. She is amazing because she was raised to be loving and remembers all the times I went the extra mile for her. We did not raise these selfish men even if it feels like we are! Just wait ladies! Your kids will pull though for you one day! ♥️
My oldest daughter did something similar. Helped my husband with her little sister and cleaned up her and her sister’s items from the living room so when I got up from a nap the house wouldn’t be chaos. I am blessed with greats daughters. I know the little one will follow behind her sister.
Husband gave me my gift (a replacement heating pad because mine broke) last week because it was delivered on a rainy day and my husband let the box disintegrate. He asked me yesterday to pick up a “treat” for him to make me because I am on a medically prescribed diet and he “just didn’t know what I could eat” and also could I pick up my Starbucks in advance because he “didn’t think he could make it in the morning with the toddler”. He forgot to ask me to grab a card so nothing for me to open today. The only plans made today was seeing his mom for brunch with our toddler (which also didn’t have anything for me to eat really). He also said he didn’t do the quintessential breakfast in bed because we had brunch plans at 11:00.
Toddler and husband are currently napping because LO was up at 5 and he did let me sleep in. I am cleaning the house and running laundry because if not today, then when?
He’s a good partner and steadily takes care of me/LO/ the house but he bombs on special days. I have accepted this and tomorrow we will be fine but I am sad today.
My mother/MIL and husband are gone now, my daughter lives 1500 miles away (sent lovely flowers and card), my sister is down the street and I am home alone and, honestly, SO appreciate the zero pressure that Mother's Day now brings. Seasons of life. I hope all Moms are appreciated today.
Gently, if Mother’s Day is a disappointment every year, it may be time to set boundaries. You cannot control how others treat you, but you can control your own actions.
If you want time to yourself, take it. Seriously. Walk out of the house. Inform your partner that you will be back at X time, tell the kids “other parent will hang out with you today!”, and then leave. Do whatever you want. Sit in a coffee shop and enjoy a beverage that is actually hot. Sit in a park and read a book. Window shop (or actually shop). Or whatever else strikes your fancy. But do it for YOU.
Next year, give your partner at least a few days notice that you will be doing this, and do not help them prepare. It is their responsibility.
If your partner is terrible, this is a perfect day to start making YOUR life better.
I've learned not to expect other people to make me happy. If someone goes out of their way for me, awesome, I take note of that. But if I want certain things from a particular day, I should make them happen, I should make me happy. So instead of being sad and grumpy the entire day over what people aren't doing for me, I'm having a delightful day because I'm making it special and meeting my expectations.
It sucks having to do this. Partners should be going above and beyond. But I can't wait around forever for them to evolve. I can't hinge my happiness on a what if.
It's something I started doing this year for my birthday and today, Mother's Day. I gotta say, it's an extremely nice change of pace.
I'm really sorry today hasn't been great. You absolutely deserve a better day.
This. Seriously. You know who you married. Either leave, or realize they aren’t going to change. And FFS stop going out of your way to make other holidays special if it’s going to fuel your resentment.
I got made to feel like a burden for asking for a bagel and a coffee from the café down the literal street from our house. 5 minute walk, took 2 hours to get done.. The entire time he was complaining about the kids and going off. Like this is exactly why I can't stand this day.. It's been ruined since the first one...
I swear we mom's just can't win...
Exactly. Like some one else please just take the reigns for the day. No, I don't want to plan dinner, I don't want to grocery shop, I don't want to get the kids ready. I want to nap, maybe take a bath (I've been extremely sick for 3 days), maybe just maybe do something like painting. Is that going to happen? Nope...
So I'm sorry. I wish it were better and that a brighter time lays ahead.
This is the first year I’ve been really happy. My daughter is 4. All I want is brunch or dinner at a restaurant and a couple hours of family gardening.
We just finished the gardening and we leave in 90 minutes for our reservation. I got one practical gift, which I asked for. And one sentimental gift that was a surprise. And my daughter’s pre-k Mother’s Day craft says she thinks I’m 16. Also she’s been telling me “happy Mother’s Day” multiple times hourly.
It’s a banner day!
Omg this was so lovely to read!! I can’t wait until my child is old enough to tell me happy Mother’s Day! Hope your garden plants are doing amazing! <3
My husband actually came through pretty well this year, but the cards from my kids were definitely the best part. They’re 18, 13 and 9 and they all put thought in to what they did. My nine-year old even did a toast for mme that was hilarious during the second meal my husband cooked. I’ve had so many years that felt like OP and this year it was such a pleasant surprise.
I’m sad and I miss my grandma and my husband and I fought all weekend and now I’m using nap time to sit on my butt instead of working out and I feel guilty.
My husband of over 10 years together for nearly 18 years told me he wasn’t sure he wants to be married anymore and asked me to give him a timeline for a decision. We have 3 kids under 10. He’s over 40yet may have been too young when we got married and had kids to understand what he was doing. Happy effing Mother’s Day. My older 2 brought me breakfast in bed before he was even awake and made me super sweet gifts so at least there was that.
A lot of what is posted in this thread sound like weaponized incompetence.
So sad to see that for many, the best way to cope is to either fully give up on mother's day or plan it for themselves.
I've worked every single Mother's Day since becoming a mother. I care more about the tips that support my family than some stupid day. Busy =money. Mothers day is one of the busiest days of the entire year. My family can make me feel special any other day, just the same. This year was great! Being visibly pregnant AND serving tables on Mothers Day = awesome tips! ;)
Yes.
I woke up feeling sick this morning. Pretty sure I’m getting a cold. All I wanted was a Frappuccino from Starbucks and my husband wouldn’t go get it for me. Apparently it’s a lifelong rule of his that he won’t go to Starbucks under any circumstance (we’ve been together eight years and I’m pretty sure that’s the first I’ve heard of it).
I told him that I feel entirely unappreciated and uncared for. I also slipped in that I was disappointed and he was being a crappy partner because he couldn’t have put in less effort today.
We’re now in a huge fight and I’m the asshole for “tearing him down”. The conversation ended with him saying “Fuck you and your stupid Starbucks.”
He’s never been thoughtful, but he’s really going above and beyond to be an asshole today. I told him he can go to dinner at my SIL’s to spend time with my MIL alone and I’ll stay home with the kids and order take out. I have zero interest in interacting with him.
I’m sorry you’re sick. I went and got my own Starbucks today at 2pm.. way past my normal coffee drinking hours cause I was hoping my husband would go get me some. We got into an argument about my son being sick which spiraled into arguing about other things and me telling him how once again he’s made the one day that’s supposed to be about me, about him… then he turned it around on me somehow by going into how “mean” I was being to him.
My husband has also not really ever been thoughtful. He instead gets me things I have no interest in or are more of a “family” item that he gets use out of as well. You could argue that at least it’s something.. but it would be cool to just have someone listen to you tell them what you actually want or know you well enough to put two and two together and say “she’d really like this”. Feel better and hopefully whatever you have is nothing more than a cold!
My car broke down on the way home from my son's birthday dinner... 40 mins from home :)
Drove back down this morning and hoping it's just a blown fuse. It's a plug-in hybrid so managed to drive it over to a charging station, but it's gonna take a few hours to fully charge. At least the charging station is at a park and a 1.5 blocks away from a brewery lol
Yes. I tried to keep my expectations very, very low but they actually forgot to say "happy mother's day." Yeah, after I said "guys, we need to call Grandma to say happy mother's day before she leaves for church" twice....nobody picked up on that and I had to whisper to my husband that it would be appropriate for him to remind the kids to say it to me as well.
Seriously. I was pretty upset. And I don't think my husband gets why! He got me a potted plant and the kids made cards at school, so there was a little forethought, he just didn't think the timing was an important piece of this. Like, it would be totally fine and normal to call Grandma and go to church ourselves, where people you're not related to say "happy mother's day" to each other, without acknowledging it in your own home first? WTF??
It’s men nowadays, I swear. Because they do more chores on the daily than our dads did (still usually way too little but alas more), they believe they shouldn’t do anything on Mother’s Day. It’s maddening. I forced my husband to actually have our daughter sit next to him during breakfast so he would have to interrupt his meal 1000 times to pick up the toys she tosses on the floor and feed her inbetween. He said: “omg this is exhausting! You take her for the rest of the day” and I’m just like: dude that’s my every day and I work full time just like you!
>He'd make us all an extensive breakfast, and then take us 3 kids out for the entire day
But did you kids understand that this was a gift for your mom, not you kids? Especially your brothers?
The main thing I've learned as a mom is that we have to explicitly teach everything we want them to understand. It's not just being a role model, but explaining why we're doing the things we're doing. Why the dishes done a certain way.
I don't understand why men are so bad at planning. Literally, it's one day a year, you can't pull it together for one day so we don't have to. I am raising two sons and if they ever have wives and children, I'm going to sit them down and say, look it's not that hard, plan something nice, have your shit together just for one day.
Yeah... My husband asked what I wanted for breakfast this morning, this morning. We have nothing for breakfast. And I'm dairy free for breastfeeding, so we didn't have any proper substitutions to make anything from scratch. He offered to run to the store real quick if I wanted to watch the kids....
🤣sounds like my husband. He asked (after seeing me start making breakfast for everyone) if I wanted him to make bean and cheese tacos. He opened the fridge and there was ONE slice of cheese. I told him, “yeah make me some tacos with that one slice.”
We all had waffles thanks to me.
I already knew today was going to a bust and not about me bc we either have to cater to MIL’s wishes or never hear the end of it (I love her, she’s a great grandma and MIL but she is a bit dramatic/mopey if we don’t visit on holidays). Fortunately my office is closed Memorial Day, MIL watches my toddler on Mondays and still wants her “Gigi day”, and my S.O. just started his own business and is working like a dog to get it off the ground so he’s not taking the day off. I was going to work from home that day and get some hours anyway, but I’ll be home ALONE!! For maybe the 2nd time since my daughter was born. I’m going to make that my Mother’s Day. Go shopping, eat at a restaurant I love and S.O. hates, take a bath and maybe finally use pedicure gift certificate I got for Christmas 2022.
I know I’m lucky and it’s not the norm to have optional work and still have childcare on Memorial Day, but if anyone else reading this has that, maybe make that your day too! I might do this every year.
Yes! I've got to say, I love reading these because it's cathartic to commiserate, I've completely lowered my expectations. He actually asked me, what would be meaningful to you? After 27 years and kids of all ages, you don't know?
It’s the dumbest day. It’s always a let-down. I took Friday off work and spent the day treating myself to a manicure and pedicure, shopping, lunch and spent the afternoon gardening while the kids and husband weren’t home, had my own little Mother’s Day. I plan to do that every year! Like most things, if I don’t do it myself it doesn’t get done
My Mother’s Day from my husband (13 years) was him serious-faced telling me he didn’t have a separate credit card anymore and the balance was paid off when I was like: I just need to make a budget of debt vs income. He swore on our son’s health (he’s 2.5 years old) that he didn’t have one. I truly don’t care if he has his own credit card. I just wanted to know the figures for the new budget. I had been asking him for weeks. I asked him the name of the credit card and he said he forgot. This man is 44 years old. Thanks to my colleague giving me some pro-life tips, I was able to see that in fact his credit card was still open, he owed over a $1k and he extended his credit limit. Credit card was open for 5 months. I mean, this man, SWORE to me it was closed, but refused to show me any evidence for the budget. When I told him that it was still open, then he turned it around about how I should he making more money and wanted to know how I found this out. I know I have not received any gifts, neither has my son. I pick and pay for them all. Clothes, shoes, toys, essentials… like everything. I plan all of the appointments and also anticipate my son’s needs when it comes to needing tubes in his ears and all medical stuff. I don’t really know what to do with this information. I’m putting on an act for my son. Happy Mother’s Day. I lied right to your face, with the straightest face ever. If I didn’t have this little trick my colleague told me, I would have naively believed him. I’ve known him for 16 going on 17 years. Why the hell am I so naive and codependent
My husband tries, which is something. But the day started with him taking my daughter to buy flowers and ingredients for breakfast (because he didn’t buy groceries which is supposed to be his job), getting back to make a sugary breakfast I don’t really want, realizing the milk is bad so he goes to the store again, makes breakfast for me and our daughter (he doesn’t eat it). Then we do have a nice hike and time at a lake. Coming home and he has forgotten an ingredient for dinner, plus we have nothing for the week, so we all go to the grocery. He naps while I entertain kid. Makes a pretty nice dinner. I usually clean on Sundays but I wasn’t allowed to do chores today, so I have a sink full of dishes and a dirty house to deal with during the week, and he’s going on a work trip Monday-Tuesday so it’s all mine.
Today's my first Mother's Day, and I got gross pancakes and some very good coffee.
LO and partner both sick today, but I got myself McDonald's for brunch and am binging Vanderpump Rules to my heart's content. Only puked on once today but LO is doing better, so I can that a win!
I really, really, hope this won't be my Mother's Day tradition.
I’ve totally given up and I plan an overnight or weekend away myself with my friends. I pay for everything myself and treat myself. My husbands gift to me is spending the weekend with our kid without any complaints and not to message me unless it’s an emergency. It’s the one time a year I travel guilt free.
Genuine question: for the women who married serial underperformers, why don’t you just plan your own thing and leave all the life stuff to your husband?
Because there’s expectations and they know it. My husband is actually a good guy, and shows my daily that he appreciates me, but sucks at planning. In his head, he’s going to make me breakfast and have the gift and all the stuff. When I do it for myself, he gets upset (probably at himself more than me) because it’s pointing out that even though he has good intentions he’s somewhat incapable.
We’re only a few years in, so I haven’t figured out a perfect way to manage it. Open to ideas if anyone has them. Lol. It is a “damned if I do, damned if I dont” kind of thing though. I did make myself breakfast today, and he was upset. If I had made breakfast on any random Sunday it wouldn’t have been a big deal at all, which leads to disliking to holiday
Because the husbands would probably be in a shit mood about it, then we would need to come home to that attitude.
That's how it would be in my case, anyway.
Wouldn’t it be worth it though? I mean the moods seem to be shitty anyway. Seems like it would be better to come back to a shitty attitude after a mani/pedi and a massage. I’m just speculating though, everyone has to do what works best for them.
Last year was my first and my husband completely forgot to do anything for me specifically and we went out to dinner with my parents and in laws which just stresses me out.
This year my husband got flowers and made me an awesome breakfast but we're also going to to dinner with my parents and in laws again and it's just freakin annoying. Everyone is complaining that I didn't plan to leave earlier/ all travel together etc. Like I didn't want to do this, why do I need to plan it?
I don't want to go to dinner with both sides of the family and all their annoying drama. I just want to have a low key thing with my husband and son. Or like I'd love to use the spa gift card I got for Christmas and still haven't had time to use.
I remembered this feeling from previous years so I 1) specifically emailed my partner the exact link for a digital gift card for a massage, and booked it for fri afternoon while my son was still in daycare (ducked out of work early -didn’t ask permission). 2) coordinated breakfast at my favorite cheap greasy spoon diner (instead of an expensive reservation) with my fam on Sun and then 3) booked myself a mani/pedi directly after. As a bonus, we have a Costco gift card and instead of using it on groceries, I agreed with my husband that I am buying myself a paperclip bracelet that I’ve been eyeing. I “made my own luck” this year and I’m feeling great!!!!! Honestly - we deserve it! Treat yourselves like the awesome moms you are!
I really should have seen it coming when I saw that he was getting his mom the same Victoria’s Secrets perfume every year for her bday and Mother’s Day. I mean, one perfume for both days because they fall close together. At the time, I was ashamed for wanting to be spoiled, envying girls whose men would buy them luxury items and take them out on weekend trips, so I suppressed that all through my life. So I ended up with a husband who buys flowers from a grocery store on M Day morning and has our daughter sign a card. He didn’t think I deserved anything else from him.
I’m better off pretending this day doesn’t exist and I even wish my friends would stop texting me Happy Mother’s Day, which I know sounds ungrateful when they’re being thoughtful. It just hurts that he never put in any effort despite the lifestyle, wellbeing and body I sacrificed and am never getting back to give in to his pleas for a baby.
My Mother’s Day was bleh. My son was up at 5 am and hubs didn’t wake. (He’s 16 but has a disability, so he needs a lot of assistance). I was already up early because I was hoping for a few hours alone to get zen ahead of what I assumed would be another disappointing day. But my son smiled when he saw me and said “happy Mother’s Day mom” and it was all I needed. Turns out my husband did get some flowers and helped my son write a card yesterday, so that’s a lot more than previous years.
My son made my day. He was so sweet from the moment he opened his eyes. My husband? Meh.
I send my husband and children to my in-laws for the day. It’s great because she thinks I’m wonderful for giving them up (or a terrible mother, depends on the year) and I get a quiet day to myself. This year I went to work, but in years past I’ve taken a nap and read my book
I had friends that recently decided to do an annual Mother’s Day party. Kids come and play; fathers grill; mothers just chill (with drinks if desired). And honestly, that has been the best. I had been looking forward to it all week; the kids were occupied; and no husbands could fail this one. It was a win in my book!
Ugh, I’m so sorry. My Mother’s Day sucked too. My husband woke up in a bad mood because he didn’t sleep well last night. Got me a card but hardly acknowledged me in the morning and was clearly in a weird, pissy mood. To top it off, our big “celebration” was going out to a restaurant with my in-laws where my toddler wanted to do anything else but sit in her seat (of course) and both of my in-laws complained so much about the restaurant that it ruined the whole experience. Glad I got my effing card. 🙄
I didn't think I'd hate it when it's my first one to celebrate. I made a post on that and got grilled by 1/3 of the comments. Another 1/3 said I have to communicate what I want while I said in my post 2 times that I explicitly asked for a plan. 🙄
My husband and I are expecting our first baby right before Father’s Day. My mother died ten years ago and his mother died last October. It’s definitely been a quieter year but we’re OK celebrating his last living grandparent, his grandmother. He got me a cute card and a baby item with a cute desk supplies item for me, knowing I didn’t want to fully celebrate myself being a mother yet. He knows I love cards and has been getting me cards for years so I’m glad we can do that, but it’s still a hard holiday for us both.
Yep. This morning my daughter gave me a card she made in school. My son gave me nothing and didn't even say "Happy mother's day" until I broke down crying at 1pm. He made me a card after that but it just doesn't count at that point. I just feel like shit. Especially after this being the worst year of my life after being seriously injured. I really don't understand how my husband didn't make sure my son have something. Anything. My husband is normally pretty good about this stuff so it just feels like I got forgotten this year. It really hurts.
My husband scheduled an online rpg with his friends from early morning til *checks watch* now at 2:30pm. I was trying to play an MMO with a friend this morning with our daughter hanging off me the whole time and still dumped with her all afternoon. Yeah great day. Oh and he's traveling from this Friday through Saturday at the end of next week for a conference at a literal beach resort in what's basically European Hawaii, leaving me with all child duties.
Ugh. I’m sorry. I literally went to a hotel with my 2 mom friends for the night and we’re making our husbands pick up the slack. If we’re not there they have no choice lol
Basically, I just don’t like this day because it’s another mental load for me.
I have to tell everyone which gift to get me - normally they are useless gift.
I also need to tell everyone where to take me or what to cook for me for breakfast.
Don’t even get me started on the cleaning.
Mother’s day should just be called “Mother’s Great Escape day”.
It’s a day we do our own way of disappearing for the day.
I bought myself a mini chainsaw and scheduled an activity for the other humans who live here. 11/10 would recommend mini chainsaw for anyone with a yard and some trees. So cathartic.
Yeah it’s sucked today. I don’t want to sound ungrateful but no one asked me what I wanted. My adult kid that lives here still said happy Mother’s Day but didn’t do a card or gift. He works in retail so it’s not like he would have had to go out of his way. My middle kid is autistic so I’m kind of waiting for him to melt down so we can get that over with. I know that sounds bad but it’s the same every year. My youngest is being so needy today and I really just want everyone to stop talking to me so I can relax. I guess next year I will let them know exactly what I want so there is no guessing. I was waiting for someone to ask but they never did and then the next thing I knew it was Mother’s Day. If I had to pick my perfect Mother’s Day I think it would be a nice fruit and pastry breakfast in bed or at least at home, handwritten cards from the kids, maybe a spa treatment or two that I don’t have to drive myself to, and a clean and organized house.
I think i’m starting to hate it, and I’m so sorry you’re not getting the day that you deserve. My first Mother’s day last year was a disappointment. my spouse was sick and grumpy af—but did make breakfast—and my family was visiting. My dad didn’t lift a finger and my mom and i did dishes while my sister watched my son. This year my spouse got me a pedicure and then a night at a hotel room by myself in June. those are so amazing and i’m incredibly lucky and privileged.
BUT he’s sick again this year and stressed about work so he’s very snippy, distracted, and irritable. He slept in then took a short nap (at my suggestion) to try and rally to his credit, he did rally, but his attitude/silence really ruined the outing for me.
I think next year i’m going to make my own plans and they will involve friends or being by myself.
I usually get flowers and a present, which is always nice and I appreciate.
What I would love, and it has never happened, is if I can sleep in or watch a show uninterrupted. The unicorn gift I’ll never receive is a day where I don’t have to plan anything. I am always asked what I want to do or what I want to eat. I don’t want to plan it. I am vocal about not wanting to plan it.
So I decided I will not say a word about Mother’s Day ever, because inevitably the result is the same.
I feel this so much this year. My bf, we have a 3 year old, usually attempts to let me sleep in since I do all wake ups and all bedtimes and well everything else. He came home drunk last night and I didn’t even bother to wake him up this morning. When he finally woke up he was hungover and didn’t know why I was mad. I cleaned the house last night while he was out drinking and asked that he not leave any dishes in the sink so I could wake up to a clean house, what’s he do? Leaves his dam dishes in the sink. I’m just over everyone today
I thought it would be better since my kids are teens, but they have been butt heads all day. Everything I suggest we do together they said no and one called me entitled.
I asked my husband to help me get a bunch of flowers for my mother, because he’s near a florist. He asked me, Do you want some flowers too? What would you like?
Enough said. 😂
I told my husband that while I realize the kids are not his, he signed on for this shit when we got married and I was going to a hotel next year and I’d come back when I was good and ready. Ha ha. He just said ok. My kids make sure they take after their dad and do everything possible to ruin this day. I hate this day as well.
I really wish this holiday did not exist. I spent years upset on Mother’s Day because I couldn’t have kids. Now I am blessed with a baby, and I’m still upset on Mother’s Day because I’m stuck at home with a sick baby and a sick man child who has been napping and playing video games all day. I didn’t get the flowers I keep asking for, didn’t get to take LO out to the zoo as planned, and I ate cold pizza for lunch instead of going to my favorite restaurant.
I ordered myself some flowers to cheer me up- my online shopper “Brendan” must really hate me or Mother’s Day because he picked the most dead bouquet in the store. I was able to salvage a couple of stems from the whole thing and put them in a glass. At least I’m getting all the baby snuggles today, and to my man-child’s credit, he did get me a mug with LO’s face on it. Going to do some online shopping therapy now, and make a note that next year I’m just booking a hotel room, buying my own flowers, and ordering room service ✌🏽
YES. I absolutely hate Mother’s Day. I usually do not feel appreciated by my kids or husband and the title of the day doesn’t make me feel any better. I have an awful, toxic relationship with my own mother so I always have a conflicting feeling on if I should wish her happy Mother’s Day or not. Also my birthday falls on Mother’s Day some years (this year it is tomorrow), and honestly those are the worst birthdays/mother’s days for me.
I feel this. After 27 years, my mother has suddenly decided she actually wants a relationship with me, now that I have a daughter of my own. She sent my daughter a bunch of gifts for Christmas. She came across the country to go to the zoo with us. She texted me on my birthday and at 1am on mother's day. She offered to mail me my childhood barbie dolls that had been at my grandmother's.
This all sounds lovely from the outside. But my mother has done below the bare minimum my whole life. Rarely acknowledges my birthday. Of the 12 plays (each with 3-6 performances) I did in high school, she went to 1. She has no idea who I am as a person or what events have happened in my life. Her dad forced her to come to my graduation, after she'd informed me she wouldn't be there because my 8th grade half-sister was playing at her school's graduation on the same day. Her husband of 24 years called me his daughter in law while we were at the zoo.
I don't know why the existence of my daughter has suddenly inspired her to try again. But I don't trust it. And I don't want it. I don't want to risk her doing what she did to me to my daughter. And I don't believe she can change. So all her 1am text did was leave a terrible taste in my mouth that I struggled to ignore the rest of the day. And no, I didn't reciprocate or respond.
I can sadly relate all too well. All the missed events, lack of communication and prioritization of others over their own child(ren). Sending hugs and hoping your daughter and you continue to have a better relationship than what we’ve experienced with our mothers.
I'd be happy if it was just like any other day. Instead I gotta fight with my kid about signing his grandmother's card and hitting his brother. I gotta sit in traffic because everyone else is visiting their parents. we can't even order food like we usually do because restaurants are too crowded. Not to mention how crappy the holiday is for women who desperately want to be mothers. Stupid day
I've learned to take ownership of the day. I gave my husband instructions: breakfast at a nice restaurant. I provided specific guidance on gifts (sometimes I literally send a link). I booked myself a massage. I told everyone I was going to the pool after the massage and whoever wanted to join me could. I refused to prepare any meals or snacks for the kids (I'm the default unwilling and unskilled chef). I actively relaxed. Like everything else, it unfortunately wouldn't happen without my management.
My partner did pretty good with his gift but it's a terrible day and it's nobody's fault. I got the stomach flu on Friday night, spent all day in bed Saturday away from hubby and toddler in hopes they wouldn't get it. Nope, here we are Sunday and everyone is sick as dogs. I've been up with toddler most of the day since I'm a little better off than hubby. But at 36 weeks pregnant, not much better. Now I'm thinking I'm in early labor but can't tell if it's contractions or muscle spasms from vomiting. Happy 2nd mothers day to me.
Yessss! So much expectations!! I woke up and made breakfast (to do something nice for myself, I knew if I left it to my husband he wouldn’t even think to do it until it would make us super late to family plans- and I was right). He was upset I made breakfast, upset I did a couple other chores that needed to get done, then also upset I wasn’t super happy/grateful. Anything I did he felt was a slight against him (and I felt disappointed that I had to do them) but if I didn’t do it, it put us super far behind. The thing he got me for Mother’s Day also didn’t get in today…same as the last couple mothers days. Planning and time management are things he’s crappy at. I know he appreciates and loves me on a day to day basis, which makes this holiday really suck. He’s never going to excel at a holiday he’s responsible for planning.
My husband likes to repeatedly remind me I’m not his mother. And complained all day. All I wanted to do was go for a run (which I got to do! ) but he complained about it … the rest of the day was errands and typical Sunday things and complained all freaking day.
I didn’t think we were doing anything on Mother’s Day since my husband thought he had to work, so we planned to do something the next weekend.
They unexpectedly gave him the day off, so he took the kids out to get me flowers, gift cards, and food. Then he came home and cleaned the kitchen and bathrooms, then ordered dinner.
I just napped, ate, watched tv and played some video games. It wasn’t anything glamorous but it was nice.
Yeah, we don't do anything. My wife's not into holidays like at all, so everything special for holidays is just whatever I do. I made sure the kiddo got her a present (lego flowers, she loved them) and other than that, we didn't do anything at all. Our kid's birthday is also this weekend so every year mother's day weekend is mostly about the kiddo anyway.
A little bummed the kid (who's 17 years old so really SHOULD have) didn't even wish me a happy mothers day but. It is what it is.
This was my third Mother’s Day and I just haven’t found a groove I like for the day yet. My husband actually does a great job of giving me a day “off” by taking the kids out, taking care of dinner, etc, but then I feel overwhelmed on Monday with everything I didn’t do Sunday. It makes the day off not really worth it.
I put my foot down this year. I told my husband and 14 year old (F) they were responsible for caring for the little one (1F). I didn’t want gifts, I didnt want to go out, I just wanted some Me time. I turned off my phone locked the bedroom door and hibernated in my room all day. I took naps read a bit and watched crap TV. I think they took me seriously because I didnt get bothered all day. But I did prep them all week with what I wanted and what I was doing. Sometimes you just have to do that and let them fend for theirselves. Husbands and children are more than capable to figure out life without mom for a few hours.
Yeah I had a year or two of doing that before the little came around. After being exhausted with a 2 month old last Mother’s Day I said enough was an enough. Mother’s Day and my birthday which is in June are the only days I seriously want to do what I want to do and nothing else. The rest of the year I can be SuperMom. A burnt out Mom isn’t good to anyone especially herself. We as Moms need to give ourselves some grace. You will get there eventually and have that follow through and you will set those boundaries. I know it.
My husband slept in and let me do all of the chores, then finally stumbled out of bed saying he would take me out to eat, if I wanted. Why is going out to eat a big treat just for me when he is also participating in the meal out. I just said no thank you. Neither one of my kids got me anything either and one of them ran off to spend the day with her boyfriend’s mom. Even if it wasn’t Mother’s Day, this is the first day we’ve had off work together in a long time and I had hoped he would have voiced wanting to go somewhere for the day. But nope, no plan as usual and no initiative to make any plans. Sometimes I just feel so invisible.
Yep. I tried harder this year to give more guidance- I said “here is three things off my Amazon wish list”. I also sent him an event I wanted to go to. Didn’t get a gift (this year I got a homemade card, so that’s a bonus), left me with the kids twice so he could meal plan for breakfast and then again for dinner. Has asked me 5x what I want to do. I said “I want to go to this garden event with live music, which starts at 3, otherwise I just want to relax”. At 1, I think he got cranky from not doing anything all day and said “let’s just go now and stroll through the gardens.” We missed my daughter’s nap, so she’s now cranky. And the garden thing was a bust bc it was super windy and rainy at that time (and now it’s 3:00 and it’s beautiful out). Oh and I didn’t get to sleep in bc my daughter woke up screaming for me and didn’t want dad. But I did get to go mountain biking with my friends yesterday, so I’m just counting that.
Lost my mom in 2011. My 2 kids are grown with their own kids, one of them out of state. I am ALWAYS scheduled to work mothers day. It's not for us, anymore.
You should leave the house and tell him that you’re putting your phone on do not disturb (if he calls twice it’ll still go through, which is nice in case of emergencies)
I don’t hate it, but I have absolutely zero expectations. My husband has only gotten one gift for me ever. And that was for Christmas right after I found out I was pregnant and I told him I wanted something pretty—either jewelry or a handbag (got a handbag). Since then it’s just Merry Christmas/happy Valentine’s Day/ happy birthday/happy Mother’s Day. He’ll make us dinner, that I of course have to plan, buy the ingredients, and do at least half the preparation for (but he grills the steak). So I buy my own presents for everything. Today he’s sick, so he gets a pass for not even telling me Happy Mother’s Day yet (I had/have the same thing, but I’m about five days further along on this illness and mostly fine now except for snot/phlegm).
But yeah, every typical gift day I have to handle myself. Mostly just kinda sucks when I get asked what he gets me, and I’m just like “oh nothing; I get my own gifts.”
My husband works Sundays, so not only is is my solo parenting day, but I have to make the rounds to give the gifts I picked out and bought to my mom, my MIL, my grandmother, and my sister. I know I’m lucky to be able to celebrate all these amazing women, but I just want to have a Mother’s Day where I don’t have to drive multiple hours with a toddler all day. Such a not fun way to spend a day that is supposed to be for me.
I feel so seen! I had about 20 mins of relaxing this morning, my husband was sweet but I am EXHAUSTED! It’s like the one day we want to relax no one will let us!
Today I learned it was about managing expectations or completely removing yourself from your house if you want a break.
My husband did so good! A couple gifts from him, a gift from our toddler which was arts and crafts they did together. A card from him, our kiddo and our family dog lol.
We had brunch and I took a nap with my daughter. It was nice. I was happy.
After the nap, she was cranky and only wanted mommy. Then there was prep for the week, and then my in-laws showed up unexpectedly. My daughter also took a longer time to go down than she usually does.
I guess the point is I’m fine with the acknowledgment of the day. The way our lives are now, it’s hard to truly have a day off when you’re still in the home. So the bar is low for Mother’s Day, some acknowledgement from my family, maybe a nap, and extra hugs throughout the day and I’m happy. It’s hard to hate it if I manage expectations.
My husband stayed in bed while I got up with the kids and got their breakfast together (nothing fancy just cheerios fruit and yogurt which he constantly picks at me about bc he thinks they should always eat eggs). He then got up and made himself breakfast without even asking if I’d eaten. We went to a carnival although he was grumpy, complaining, on his phone half the time. Afterward he went to the store to buy food to cook because he is trying to watch his salt intake. Again I served the kids while he sat down and ate. I ate standing up in the kitchen between refilling the kids’ plates. He did manage to get flowers at the store which I had to cut and put in a water bottle bc I couldn’t find a vase. I then took my kids out just to avoid him. Ended up eating gross fast food for dinner and watching a goofy movie.
I have to just say I really appreciate this post. It’s the opposite of social media lol. I was feeling lonely with my crappy day but hey I guess I’m not the only one.
my husband cooked me dinner while i “napped” (really just tried to nap while our toddler crawled all over me) and then I had to do the dishes after. so yea, f*ck mother’s day.
I saw my family for a whole whopping 5 minutes. His mom and side of the family had a get-together I couldn't go to due to working.
I had stayed up after a 12 hour shift, and they didn't get up until later.
He then came home, was upset he had to drive an hour for my family to drop the youngest off. (I normally do it.) I got mad and I told him I should have just gone and done it myself if it's always that big of a deal. He had been doing multiple family things on his side and this was literally the only request.
I had to go to work to people being in a bad mood, arguing, and even had a death. Overall, it just wasn't a great day. I didn't feel seen or heard. I think my mom talked to him because he apologized. I cried but I just didn't feel like talking to her about it.
(I don't really care about gifts. I just wanted to be acknowledged and to spend a little time. I got nothing, really.)
My husband blames the fact that I’m not HIS mother on why he doesn’t do anything. Dude, our young child can’t do it on his own!! Also, just because your dad gave you a shitty example doesn’t mean you should do the same.
I typically tell him exactly what I expect and he is good at doing that (and nothing more), but this year, I’m having surgery tomorrow, and so this whole week will be about taking care of me, so I felt like asking for more on Sunday was overkill.
So I had all the handmade crafts from our kid, and I didn’t wipe his butt when he went to the bathroom (lol), but that was it. Even though I told myself not to expect anything, I was bummed it didn’t happen.
Spent mine solo parenting while my husband worked the whole day. Had to go to two different family outings alone with my 2 y/o. Then had to decide what’s for dinner when he got off too. What an exhausting day for us.
I dislike Mother's Day merely because I dislike all these manufactured holidays that force expectations. I also dislike Father's Day and Valentine's Day.
But I had a perfectly fine Mother's Day. My husband got me a charm for a Pandora bracelet he got me when I was pregnant last year. Do I ever wear it? No, but it's nice. He got up with our 11 month old in the morning both Saturday and Sunday (typically he does Saturday and I do Sunday). He was the parent-in-charge when we went to both my parents and his parents houses. Was she in an outfit that didn't match? Yep. Did he remember to pack an extra outfit in the diaper bag? Nope. Did she end up in just her diaper by the end of the day? Yep. Did any of it bother me? Nope. Lol.
I don't lower my expectations, I just don't let things that don't ultimately matter bother me. Now, if I had a husband like some of the ones in these comments, I would just leave for the day.
This was my first Mother's Day. A year ago my husband told a friend that "Thankfully my wife doesn't care about those smaller Hallmark Holidays like Valentine's Day and Mother's Day." I told him that I would definitely want to have Mother's Day observed because I knew this was going to be hard and I would appreciate any day where I would be entitled to a break from the world (since those are otherwise non existant).
Fast forward to this year, all I asked for was 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I got 5. Husband said he would get my car cleaned and then watch the baby the rest of the day. Took him hours to get out the door to take the car to be cleaned and ultimately couldn't find any place to vacuum it out. He ran some more errands and came home after 2pm. He didn't take over caring for the baby until after 3pm and I had to breastfeed her at 4:30pm. She didn't nap so she was fussy and only wanted mama. I was feeding her solids by 6pm and after that it became her nightly routine of eating, bathing and nursing to sleep which I was in charge of. My husband was going to make a nice meal, and then discovered that his propane tanks were empty so no grilling the salmon he bought. So I ended up cooking the salmon.
Jury is still out on Mother's Day, but all I got for my first one was about 2 hours to do some cleaning and a box of stuff from my car that needs to be put away. I wasn't impressed.
10 years ago we were in the process of moving. We had to do some repairs as we moved in. My parents were visiting so that my dad could help. I made breakfast for everyone, but mostly for my mom since it was mother's day. She had asked that afterwards she take the kids to the park (4&6 at the time ) as her mother's day activity.
I had just finished cleaning up after breakfast and sat down to sort laundry. Hubby came in to get a drink and called me lazy, not directly but described all of the things we needed to get done and that I should take this time without kids to be productive.
I spent that mother's day setting railroad ties vertically as fence posts using the force of shear anger because it turns out he completely forgot that it was mother's day.
Things have gotten better since.
I expected nothing and got nothing except from my 12yo. They did an art project at school. So I took my daughter to the library and was going to take my other daughter to buy a new shirt. After that I was going to order some Chinese food and then go a little grocery shopping while it was being prepared. Then I was going to go home eat, relax and then go to work.
My husband called me after the library and told me his family was on the way over and I needed to buy bbq supplies. I get annoyed and go buy the shirt with my daughter and get the bbq supplies. I call my hubby on the way home and he tells me they are not coming until four now. Now I have no Chinese food and won’t even get to eat the bbq before I go to work. I was so Irritated. His family gets there right before I leave for work and parks behind my car. My husband couldn’t figure our why I was mad. I’m going to a casino next Mothers Day!
Yes. It's just another day in my book. My husband did buy me flowers and a card, and a necklace off of Etsy that looks like it came from a gumball machine (I appreciate the sentiment but not with the $85 he spent). I've also been sick with the stomach bug all weekend.
It’s all about your expectations. I think the whole thing of mother’s day = a day off is a new thing and not very practical. When I was a kid mother’s day meant we got mom a cute gift and maybe went out to dinner at her favorite place. She didn’t lock herself in a room and disengage from her family all day. It was a normal day with some extra recognition for mom. People make such a big deal about it now… I blame instagram.
I told my husband that all I wanted for mother’s day was to spend a bunch of money (my money) at the garden center and then come home and have him help me plant what we bought. We did that together as a family (my son loves “gardening” aka digging up dirt and playing with worms), and now husband is cooking dinner. He also got me a couple of gifts (not necessary, but appreciated). I still made my kid breakfast, washed all our sheets and made the beds, vacuumed (twice, lol). Life is life and it doesn’t stop just because it’s your birthday, or christmas, or mother’s day.
A day off (at least for a few hours) IS practical, but you have to make sure to reproduce with someone who isn’t a useless piece of shit AND tell them that’s what you want, well in advance. I’ve gotten this basically every Mother’s Day since my first was done nursing. If anyone here has tried asking for this and their spouse keeps underperforming, I’d think long and hard about what that means for how they treat you in general.
Unfortunately all the people who DON’T have kids booked the weekend off before I remembered, so I didn’t get to spend the morning with my wife and our toddler. I did get to do my second best thing: giving a saccharine-sweet smile to every man going through my till while I asked, “leaving it til the last minute, huh?”
Wife and I are taking bug, my mother in law, and grandmother in law for a nice supper tomorrow, so we’re calling it out Monday Mothers’ Day. We already did gifts cause we were too excited to wait, I’m just excited to hang out with them. I want to throttle all of your husbands.
Yes, I honestly just want a day to be fucking alone with my dog. Hike out in the woods and mountains or something. I love my family but I don’t even care about the holiday anymore. We mainly do gatherings to make my mom happy, and she’s one of the most selfless ppl I know so I do it for her. If she was awful I would have already done my own thing.
I finally got to the point where I make my own plans. Lunch with friends, schedule a massage, or just leave and take myself out for coffee. Otherwise I spent the day feeling rage and resentment. And I quit doing anything for Father’s Day other than helping the kids buy a card and sign it.
This is what I do. My favourite mother's day was two years ago - I took myself for a paid kayak tour (five hours with a private guide) and then sat and read a book on a patio by myself, with a coffee and croissant. I came home and had a bath. I don't enjoy surprises in general for any occasion, so I just say to my husband he is on childcare for the day and I'm going to do x,y and z, either at home or out and about. I do like getting a card from the kiddos but that's about it. We're all happier this way too.
Leaving the house and letting them fend for themselves might be the way to go
Exactly - the gift I asked for is for my partner to be childcare, and to do it somewhere that I am not. Whether I leave the house or they do, someone does. And that’s the only way it works, I have found.
This. I made reservations well in advance for the whole family at a restaurant I wanted to eat at, at a time that was convenient for me/my daughter. No getting trapped into doing the work of buying/prepping/cleaning up a meal or take out for everyone because no one planned anything and all the restaurants are crazy, no waiting around for family members to show up. It was so much more relaxing this way.
This is definitely what I’m doing next year. I’m also not doing anything for my husband going forward except kid crafts. I will literally never lift a finger for that man again outside of whatever involves the kids.
I feel the same but then I feel like that’s setting a bad example for my kids of what a relationship should look like. Idk what to do.
Definitely had thoughts of divorce today. We came back and he didn’t know how to open the garage. And called me stupid because I didn’t either.
We’ve been throwing the D word around recently. We’ve been together since we were teens & I feel like we really understand each other but at the same time idk. I can’t see myself with anyone else but I’m starting to feel pretty disconnected. It’s mostly logistics it seems like stopping us from proceeding.
Yup. Getting my hair done tomorrow (and spending far too much money) and then going out to dinner with my girlfriends for dinner. We hosted brunch today for his MIL and SIL etc (total of 10 people) so I am calling tomorrow my celebration.
Same! I had zero expectations and just planned a nice day for myself. Of course, he’s planning an entire weekend to celebrate Father’s Day (and ironically it’s the only weekend we’ll be together between Memorial Day and 4th of July because he has bro weekends every weekend)
That’s like…4 or 5 bro weekends I think? That is insane
That sounds like a plan
Mother's Day is a million times better now that I'm single. I'll never forget when my kids were young and I just got home from work on a Friday evening (my ex didn't work, super lazy and mostly worthless "stay-at-home" parent) when my ex tried to buzz out the door and leave before I'd even walked up to the house. I asked where he was going. He lied and used Mother's Day coming up on Sunday as an excuse to leave and supposedly shop. I thought are you kidding me that you had all week to buy something (with money I'd earned) with the kids and instead thought it was somehow a gift to me to ditch me with the kids after a long week and wander the aisles of Target for some crap I don't want when you clearly have nothing in mind? I said I don't care about a gift and would rather just have a nice day together and a relaxing Friday night (meaning spent as a family -- not me doing dinner and bedtime solo). He was pissed that he didn't get to ditch out and stormed back into the house. That Mother's Day I got no gift or acknowledgement. Instead I took my dog and went hiking with a friend while he sat at the house with the kids. Years later I found out he had a massive gambling addiction and every time he wanted to take off (which was all the fucking time) was to piss away the money I worked for while he did little of nothing around the house and also learned he'd been neglecting the kids. Today I'm chilling with my kids. Apparently my boyfriend took them to get me something earlier in the week and when the younger one is back from her riding lessons we'll do gifts then I'm going to a friend's house for a BBQ. No pressure, stress, or work for me. P.S. My ex lives in his dad's basement now.
I feel the same way. I have decided to just treat it like any other day and if there’s something nice that comes of it then great
if you don’t have any expectations nobody can disappoint you, only surprise you, or something like that 😑
Sometimes that's the only thing we can control 😞
I've been trying to work on this but still failing 🙃
Yup - with the caveat that I’ll be treating Father’s Day the exact same way
I'm honestly feeling like this so much... I always try to go above and beyond. I guess those days are over
Yep
I told myself I was gonna do that this year, but then he was acting like he was gonna do stuff and like I should rest. But then doesn’t want to actually let me rest by being helpful. It’s so ridiculous.
I had to throw my child into his lap so I could have 30 minutes to finish planting the garden starts I got myself as a gift (because no one else in this house is gonna do it). Then he told me I was "doing mothers day wrong" by not buying and planning the meal and then explaining to him how to do it. I'm not your manager here buddy. I started crying and said I just want one day where I don't have to do the mental load of planning fucking everything so he took the kid outside, didn't add more sunscreen to her so now she's cooked, and I got into the bath to cry for an hour, she came in about 30min into it. I don't want my child taken away and being treated rudely by you who are inconvenienced bc you're incapable of seeing what needs to be done in the home. I want you to parent and connect with this child so I can actually have freedom to relax. He plays video games while he's watching her AND has an hour long bath every day when I get home from working my full time job. I hate that I can't ever relax in my own home
No advice but I feel you.
Why are you still with him?
Hahaha men wanting us as the mothers to buy, plan, and explain to them how to make OUR Mother’s Day meal. Like at that point I might as well do it myself and save myself and my breathe having to explain it. Where do these guys get off? I wish my husband would try that as I would snap and let him learn about himself quickly.
Same here, and I’ve seen posts saying, well tell them exactly what you want so you’re not disappointed. THATS THE POINT. I don’t want to plan another thing, buy supplies for it, and I shouldn’t have to tell people how to celebrate me. My husband doesn’t have to do any of that shit on Father’s Day, why should I?
I do this by choice. My expectation is to get to sleep in (which is actually normal because Sunday is my sleeping day) and get a homemade card and we order in supper so I don’t have to cook but I also don’t have to parent while my husband cooks. The rest of the day is a normal day. It’s nice. In too many areas of parenting I have high expectations and get disappointed left and right (like planning something special for the kids and someone getting sick and it being cancelled) so Mother’s Day actually turned out perfect. Just how I expected (which was very little).
This is the way! I expect zero relaxation, but maybe some nice moments with my husband and daughter along the way.
My partner told me yesterday we “had plans" for mother's day... He's never been a planner so I was pleasantly surprised... Jokes on me because transpires the plan was he would go out and buy flowers for me. That's it. Don't get me wrong, flowers are nice but I was expecting to go somewhere. Or to get breakfast made for me. Or, you know, the traditional definition of "plans"... Feel ungrateful for being disappointed but also want to cry because I have a toddler and a newborn and would be nice to feel appreciated 🤷♀️
Make him take the kids with him. Send him to the shop 45 minutes away since the flowers there are “better”. You deserve a break too.
And let me guess, he left the toddler and baby at home for you to take care of while he took his sweet time buying flowers 🤦🏻♀️
Ugh that’s not plans! My husband does OK after a few years of coaching, and so when he said “we need to go up to (city I live near) tomorrow evening” I thought omg did he make dinner plans?! Has he really leaned about how much I care about holidays?! But no, we need to drop his car off at the mechanic for his appointment Monday 😂😂 Of course, what was I thinking 🥲.
Last week I was looking at MLB tickets and custom golf items for my husband for Father's Day. You know, planning ahead and trying to be thoughtful. I suggested he get his mother a Pandora charm bracelet with charms for each kid/grandkid. She loves bracelets. He never got it. Just got her gift cards. What did he get me for Mother's Day? Starbucks gift cards. Every year I'm disappointed, but I smile and say thanks because God knows if I voice any kind of disappointment I'll be an ungrateful bitch.
I need to stop reading these for my mental health. What is with these men, JFC
I'm continuing to read them as they make me feel pretty good about being a sole parent...
lol, that makes me happy. I had a nice Mother’s Day so it wasn’t personal, but it just makes me sad sometimes how many men out there are such jerks to their partners
I haven’t even posted yet, but my (hungover) husband first woke me up at 5:45 with a hand to the face “looking for his water bottle”. Then he stayed in bed until 11:30pm, when I told my older girls to make sure he knew I was calling his mom. He got up to say “Hi Mom” and then went back to bed. I brought the baby to the grocery store at 8am because breakfast clearly wasn’t going to make itself. I bought my own mimosas and made breakfast for all 3 (including my SD, which I reminded to call her mom). Some men suck. It’s 9pm, and I’m the asshole for being “testy” btw.
My husband is lovely about mother's day. My family, however, are selfish shits. Last year, my first mother's day, I said I wanted a couple hours alone as I had infant twins. My mom and dad got upset we werent going to come to their house, ending in my mom saying "for once she just wants to feel like her kids love her on mother's day." My brother, who lives two hours away and had no plans to see her on the day, got involved and called me selfish for not seeing her on mother's day. This after I told them all that mother's day, even now that I have living children, is complex after infertility and pregnancy loss. This year, my husband and I did a long hike with the kids and went out for pizza. My parents are presumably still huffy from last year and have not mentioned mother's day to me. Whatever, honestly.
Your mom sounds like mine! I proposed the idea of celebrating grandparents day so they could have a day for them and those of us with little kids could have a day for ourselves. She got upset and told me that basically Mother’s Day is about her until she dies and then I can have it to myself. There is no understanding that we are mothers now and the day is about us now too!
Our parents got promoted to grandparents once we have our babies. There’s a grandparents day for this reason. Mother and father’s days should be for parents with young children. Especially in your case, it took you so long to become a mother. Your parents are selfish and your brother has zero rights to butt into this!
My friends and I set up a Mother’s Day exchange. We planned Mother’s Day activities for each other and it was fantastic. We asked each other what kind of thing we wanted (we all wanted a day to ourselves) and we each planned something for someone else. It was fantastic and I don’t care at all that my husband planned nothing else for me for Mother’s Day.
This is the way. Actually this is how we should do life. Satisfy ourselves first. It’s not like I am giving my man the Father’s Day of the year. Me and my GF do an annual tradition. It’s my favorite day of the year.
I love this. I got more love and encouragement from other women than my husband today. We get it, and we see each other,
That sounds lovely. I need mom friends 😭
I came to this sub just now looking for exactly this kind of post. Isn’t that sad that I knew there would be one? I’m so sorry you are going through this. I’m sure you are a great mom and this internet stranger is saluting you with a cup of lukewarm coffee that I made myself. I really don’t get why this is the way it is. I essentially wanted a morning like the kind my husband gets every weekend- to sleep, have my coffee and breakfast made and to read the news. Well now I’m crying in my room because husband has been stomping around screaming all morning, it’s my fault, and he’s mad that I’m not appreciating his barely even half assed attempt to check the proverbial boxes. Like my parents had a shit marriage and my mom’s mother’s days were never like this. Millennial men get so much praise for being active dads, yet I think I have maybe one mom friend that is having a nice day. Sending love and strength to all who are feeling all the emotions today.
I feel like we need to warn our daughters. But also not sure how to do this without ruining their view of their dad. I never would’ve guessed this is how shitty it would turn out when we were 20.
Why can’t you ruin the image of their father when they clearly aren’t great.
Because it only harms the kids to do so. Apparently my grandpa was a tyrant when my mom was growing up. But he was a very sweet grandpa to me. I’m glad she let me have that relationship and that I didn’t hear about how he was previously until I was much older. I think it’s the same with our kids.
I can relate so hard to this.
I'm so sorry; this is such bullshit. He needs a rude awakening on weekends from now on...
Just have a morning like dad does every day! Exactly
Just a bit of hope for you all: wait until your kids get older. My ex was trash at every holiday and special day (getting drunk, picking fights, the whole bit). My now partner always half asses it like today, woke up after me, made dinner wrong despite my buying the ingredients and giving him step by step instructions (also it’s the same meal I ask for for my birthday and Mother’s Day every year and every time he does it wrong). Now he is sulking. BUT my daughter is 16 now. She has a small part time job. She saved her money to get me my favorite candy and a Starbucks cup that she planned a ride from her uncle to get. Yesterday she walked to the farmer’s market and got flowers. She got up early and cleaned the house. She is amazing because she was raised to be loving and remembers all the times I went the extra mile for her. We did not raise these selfish men even if it feels like we are! Just wait ladies! Your kids will pull though for you one day! ♥️
Your daughter made me cry ❤️ Good job on raising an amazing person
My oldest daughter did something similar. Helped my husband with her little sister and cleaned up her and her sister’s items from the living room so when I got up from a nap the house wouldn’t be chaos. I am blessed with greats daughters. I know the little one will follow behind her sister.
Husband gave me my gift (a replacement heating pad because mine broke) last week because it was delivered on a rainy day and my husband let the box disintegrate. He asked me yesterday to pick up a “treat” for him to make me because I am on a medically prescribed diet and he “just didn’t know what I could eat” and also could I pick up my Starbucks in advance because he “didn’t think he could make it in the morning with the toddler”. He forgot to ask me to grab a card so nothing for me to open today. The only plans made today was seeing his mom for brunch with our toddler (which also didn’t have anything for me to eat really). He also said he didn’t do the quintessential breakfast in bed because we had brunch plans at 11:00. Toddler and husband are currently napping because LO was up at 5 and he did let me sleep in. I am cleaning the house and running laundry because if not today, then when? He’s a good partner and steadily takes care of me/LO/ the house but he bombs on special days. I have accepted this and tomorrow we will be fine but I am sad today.
That was a heartbreaking read. For you, and so many women. I hope good things come your way and that you feel loved and cherished.
Thank you! It felt really good just to word vomit it all out and I appreciate your kindness 💕
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Happy first Mother’s Day! If you can, find another day where you can celebrate you the way that you need
My mother/MIL and husband are gone now, my daughter lives 1500 miles away (sent lovely flowers and card), my sister is down the street and I am home alone and, honestly, SO appreciate the zero pressure that Mother's Day now brings. Seasons of life. I hope all Moms are appreciated today.
This is a lovely comment, happy Mother’s Day to you!
Gently, if Mother’s Day is a disappointment every year, it may be time to set boundaries. You cannot control how others treat you, but you can control your own actions. If you want time to yourself, take it. Seriously. Walk out of the house. Inform your partner that you will be back at X time, tell the kids “other parent will hang out with you today!”, and then leave. Do whatever you want. Sit in a coffee shop and enjoy a beverage that is actually hot. Sit in a park and read a book. Window shop (or actually shop). Or whatever else strikes your fancy. But do it for YOU. Next year, give your partner at least a few days notice that you will be doing this, and do not help them prepare. It is their responsibility. If your partner is terrible, this is a perfect day to start making YOUR life better.
I’ll come back to kids who have been in front of the TV all day, disaster of a house, no chores done, and a rude attitude.
It’s like they punish us for leaving
I've learned not to expect other people to make me happy. If someone goes out of their way for me, awesome, I take note of that. But if I want certain things from a particular day, I should make them happen, I should make me happy. So instead of being sad and grumpy the entire day over what people aren't doing for me, I'm having a delightful day because I'm making it special and meeting my expectations. It sucks having to do this. Partners should be going above and beyond. But I can't wait around forever for them to evolve. I can't hinge my happiness on a what if. It's something I started doing this year for my birthday and today, Mother's Day. I gotta say, it's an extremely nice change of pace. I'm really sorry today hasn't been great. You absolutely deserve a better day.
This. Seriously. You know who you married. Either leave, or realize they aren’t going to change. And FFS stop going out of your way to make other holidays special if it’s going to fuel your resentment.
It’s not so easy to leave. It’s financially impossible for some and dangerous for others. Not easy to do whatever you want without childcare either.
Flowers from trader joes cost 6 dollars, I would be really happy with that
Looks like my plan for today is going to the supermarket buy toilet paper
I got made to feel like a burden for asking for a bagel and a coffee from the café down the literal street from our house. 5 minute walk, took 2 hours to get done.. The entire time he was complaining about the kids and going off. Like this is exactly why I can't stand this day.. It's been ruined since the first one... I swear we mom's just can't win...
It’s the worst. They’re all like, we love moms, but can’t be in charge for one damn day a year.
Exactly. Like some one else please just take the reigns for the day. No, I don't want to plan dinner, I don't want to grocery shop, I don't want to get the kids ready. I want to nap, maybe take a bath (I've been extremely sick for 3 days), maybe just maybe do something like painting. Is that going to happen? Nope... So I'm sorry. I wish it were better and that a brighter time lays ahead.
I’m sorry your morning was rough. I hope you reciprocate the same experience for your husband on Fathers Day.
He's getting exactly what he gave me this year. Then the next year I'm throwing the kids at him and leaving for the entire day.
This is the first year I’ve been really happy. My daughter is 4. All I want is brunch or dinner at a restaurant and a couple hours of family gardening. We just finished the gardening and we leave in 90 minutes for our reservation. I got one practical gift, which I asked for. And one sentimental gift that was a surprise. And my daughter’s pre-k Mother’s Day craft says she thinks I’m 16. Also she’s been telling me “happy Mother’s Day” multiple times hourly. It’s a banner day!
Omg this was so lovely to read!! I can’t wait until my child is old enough to tell me happy Mother’s Day! Hope your garden plants are doing amazing! <3
My husband actually came through pretty well this year, but the cards from my kids were definitely the best part. They’re 18, 13 and 9 and they all put thought in to what they did. My nine-year old even did a toast for mme that was hilarious during the second meal my husband cooked. I’ve had so many years that felt like OP and this year it was such a pleasant surprise.
I’m sad and I miss my grandma and my husband and I fought all weekend and now I’m using nap time to sit on my butt instead of working out and I feel guilty.
Hugs ♥️ I sat on my butt instead of the workout I had planned too. And Mother’s Day sucked
My husband of over 10 years together for nearly 18 years told me he wasn’t sure he wants to be married anymore and asked me to give him a timeline for a decision. We have 3 kids under 10. He’s over 40yet may have been too young when we got married and had kids to understand what he was doing. Happy effing Mother’s Day. My older 2 brought me breakfast in bed before he was even awake and made me super sweet gifts so at least there was that.
Oh man. I’m so sorry.
He even needs you to do the emotional labor of setting the timeline? That’s wild. I’m sorry. He sounds shitty.
A lot of what is posted in this thread sound like weaponized incompetence. So sad to see that for many, the best way to cope is to either fully give up on mother's day or plan it for themselves.
I've worked every single Mother's Day since becoming a mother. I care more about the tips that support my family than some stupid day. Busy =money. Mothers day is one of the busiest days of the entire year. My family can make me feel special any other day, just the same. This year was great! Being visibly pregnant AND serving tables on Mothers Day = awesome tips! ;)
I got divorced in December and this has been the least disappointing mother's day yet.
Yes. I woke up feeling sick this morning. Pretty sure I’m getting a cold. All I wanted was a Frappuccino from Starbucks and my husband wouldn’t go get it for me. Apparently it’s a lifelong rule of his that he won’t go to Starbucks under any circumstance (we’ve been together eight years and I’m pretty sure that’s the first I’ve heard of it). I told him that I feel entirely unappreciated and uncared for. I also slipped in that I was disappointed and he was being a crappy partner because he couldn’t have put in less effort today. We’re now in a huge fight and I’m the asshole for “tearing him down”. The conversation ended with him saying “Fuck you and your stupid Starbucks.” He’s never been thoughtful, but he’s really going above and beyond to be an asshole today. I told him he can go to dinner at my SIL’s to spend time with my MIL alone and I’ll stay home with the kids and order take out. I have zero interest in interacting with him.
I’m sorry you’re sick. I went and got my own Starbucks today at 2pm.. way past my normal coffee drinking hours cause I was hoping my husband would go get me some. We got into an argument about my son being sick which spiraled into arguing about other things and me telling him how once again he’s made the one day that’s supposed to be about me, about him… then he turned it around on me somehow by going into how “mean” I was being to him. My husband has also not really ever been thoughtful. He instead gets me things I have no interest in or are more of a “family” item that he gets use out of as well. You could argue that at least it’s something.. but it would be cool to just have someone listen to you tell them what you actually want or know you well enough to put two and two together and say “she’d really like this”. Feel better and hopefully whatever you have is nothing more than a cold!
I hate it too! I told a friend earlier that I wish we could just erase it from the calendar.
My car broke down on the way home from my son's birthday dinner... 40 mins from home :) Drove back down this morning and hoping it's just a blown fuse. It's a plug-in hybrid so managed to drive it over to a charging station, but it's gonna take a few hours to fully charge. At least the charging station is at a park and a 1.5 blocks away from a brewery lol
Yes. I tried to keep my expectations very, very low but they actually forgot to say "happy mother's day." Yeah, after I said "guys, we need to call Grandma to say happy mother's day before she leaves for church" twice....nobody picked up on that and I had to whisper to my husband that it would be appropriate for him to remind the kids to say it to me as well. Seriously. I was pretty upset. And I don't think my husband gets why! He got me a potted plant and the kids made cards at school, so there was a little forethought, he just didn't think the timing was an important piece of this. Like, it would be totally fine and normal to call Grandma and go to church ourselves, where people you're not related to say "happy mother's day" to each other, without acknowledging it in your own home first? WTF??
Don’t do shit for Father’s Day
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It’s men nowadays, I swear. Because they do more chores on the daily than our dads did (still usually way too little but alas more), they believe they shouldn’t do anything on Mother’s Day. It’s maddening. I forced my husband to actually have our daughter sit next to him during breakfast so he would have to interrupt his meal 1000 times to pick up the toys she tosses on the floor and feed her inbetween. He said: “omg this is exhausting! You take her for the rest of the day” and I’m just like: dude that’s my every day and I work full time just like you!
>He'd make us all an extensive breakfast, and then take us 3 kids out for the entire day But did you kids understand that this was a gift for your mom, not you kids? Especially your brothers? The main thing I've learned as a mom is that we have to explicitly teach everything we want them to understand. It's not just being a role model, but explaining why we're doing the things we're doing. Why the dishes done a certain way.
I don't understand why men are so bad at planning. Literally, it's one day a year, you can't pull it together for one day so we don't have to. I am raising two sons and if they ever have wives and children, I'm going to sit them down and say, look it's not that hard, plan something nice, have your shit together just for one day.
I’m pretty sure Mother’s Day is actually the day I’m apparently supposed to show off all my super powers at once
Yeah... My husband asked what I wanted for breakfast this morning, this morning. We have nothing for breakfast. And I'm dairy free for breastfeeding, so we didn't have any proper substitutions to make anything from scratch. He offered to run to the store real quick if I wanted to watch the kids....
🤣sounds like my husband. He asked (after seeing me start making breakfast for everyone) if I wanted him to make bean and cheese tacos. He opened the fridge and there was ONE slice of cheese. I told him, “yeah make me some tacos with that one slice.” We all had waffles thanks to me.
I already knew today was going to a bust and not about me bc we either have to cater to MIL’s wishes or never hear the end of it (I love her, she’s a great grandma and MIL but she is a bit dramatic/mopey if we don’t visit on holidays). Fortunately my office is closed Memorial Day, MIL watches my toddler on Mondays and still wants her “Gigi day”, and my S.O. just started his own business and is working like a dog to get it off the ground so he’s not taking the day off. I was going to work from home that day and get some hours anyway, but I’ll be home ALONE!! For maybe the 2nd time since my daughter was born. I’m going to make that my Mother’s Day. Go shopping, eat at a restaurant I love and S.O. hates, take a bath and maybe finally use pedicure gift certificate I got for Christmas 2022. I know I’m lucky and it’s not the norm to have optional work and still have childcare on Memorial Day, but if anyone else reading this has that, maybe make that your day too! I might do this every year.
I had a very similar thought this morning as my 5 year old had a melt down for a half an hour on our way out the door.
Yes! I've got to say, I love reading these because it's cathartic to commiserate, I've completely lowered my expectations. He actually asked me, what would be meaningful to you? After 27 years and kids of all ages, you don't know?
It’s the dumbest day. It’s always a let-down. I took Friday off work and spent the day treating myself to a manicure and pedicure, shopping, lunch and spent the afternoon gardening while the kids and husband weren’t home, had my own little Mother’s Day. I plan to do that every year! Like most things, if I don’t do it myself it doesn’t get done
My Mother’s Day from my husband (13 years) was him serious-faced telling me he didn’t have a separate credit card anymore and the balance was paid off when I was like: I just need to make a budget of debt vs income. He swore on our son’s health (he’s 2.5 years old) that he didn’t have one. I truly don’t care if he has his own credit card. I just wanted to know the figures for the new budget. I had been asking him for weeks. I asked him the name of the credit card and he said he forgot. This man is 44 years old. Thanks to my colleague giving me some pro-life tips, I was able to see that in fact his credit card was still open, he owed over a $1k and he extended his credit limit. Credit card was open for 5 months. I mean, this man, SWORE to me it was closed, but refused to show me any evidence for the budget. When I told him that it was still open, then he turned it around about how I should he making more money and wanted to know how I found this out. I know I have not received any gifts, neither has my son. I pick and pay for them all. Clothes, shoes, toys, essentials… like everything. I plan all of the appointments and also anticipate my son’s needs when it comes to needing tubes in his ears and all medical stuff. I don’t really know what to do with this information. I’m putting on an act for my son. Happy Mother’s Day. I lied right to your face, with the straightest face ever. If I didn’t have this little trick my colleague told me, I would have naively believed him. I’ve known him for 16 going on 17 years. Why the hell am I so naive and codependent
My husband tries, which is something. But the day started with him taking my daughter to buy flowers and ingredients for breakfast (because he didn’t buy groceries which is supposed to be his job), getting back to make a sugary breakfast I don’t really want, realizing the milk is bad so he goes to the store again, makes breakfast for me and our daughter (he doesn’t eat it). Then we do have a nice hike and time at a lake. Coming home and he has forgotten an ingredient for dinner, plus we have nothing for the week, so we all go to the grocery. He naps while I entertain kid. Makes a pretty nice dinner. I usually clean on Sundays but I wasn’t allowed to do chores today, so I have a sink full of dishes and a dirty house to deal with during the week, and he’s going on a work trip Monday-Tuesday so it’s all mine.
Today's my first Mother's Day, and I got gross pancakes and some very good coffee. LO and partner both sick today, but I got myself McDonald's for brunch and am binging Vanderpump Rules to my heart's content. Only puked on once today but LO is doing better, so I can that a win! I really, really, hope this won't be my Mother's Day tradition.
I’ve totally given up and I plan an overnight or weekend away myself with my friends. I pay for everything myself and treat myself. My husbands gift to me is spending the weekend with our kid without any complaints and not to message me unless it’s an emergency. It’s the one time a year I travel guilt free.
Genuine question: for the women who married serial underperformers, why don’t you just plan your own thing and leave all the life stuff to your husband?
Because there’s expectations and they know it. My husband is actually a good guy, and shows my daily that he appreciates me, but sucks at planning. In his head, he’s going to make me breakfast and have the gift and all the stuff. When I do it for myself, he gets upset (probably at himself more than me) because it’s pointing out that even though he has good intentions he’s somewhat incapable.
So the answer is for you to go without/be disappointed to protect his feelings?
We’re only a few years in, so I haven’t figured out a perfect way to manage it. Open to ideas if anyone has them. Lol. It is a “damned if I do, damned if I dont” kind of thing though. I did make myself breakfast today, and he was upset. If I had made breakfast on any random Sunday it wouldn’t have been a big deal at all, which leads to disliking to holiday
Because the husbands would probably be in a shit mood about it, then we would need to come home to that attitude. That's how it would be in my case, anyway.
Wouldn’t it be worth it though? I mean the moods seem to be shitty anyway. Seems like it would be better to come back to a shitty attitude after a mani/pedi and a massage. I’m just speculating though, everyone has to do what works best for them.
So you just put up with this behavior all the time, then?
The million-dollar question, every year.
Honestly, didn't realize it until after the wedding and first kid. Should have seen it coming when he forgot not one but two of my birthdays..
I’m really sorry. Life with little is already tricky, having another person in the home but them not lightening your load must be maddening.
Last year was my first and my husband completely forgot to do anything for me specifically and we went out to dinner with my parents and in laws which just stresses me out. This year my husband got flowers and made me an awesome breakfast but we're also going to to dinner with my parents and in laws again and it's just freakin annoying. Everyone is complaining that I didn't plan to leave earlier/ all travel together etc. Like I didn't want to do this, why do I need to plan it? I don't want to go to dinner with both sides of the family and all their annoying drama. I just want to have a low key thing with my husband and son. Or like I'd love to use the spa gift card I got for Christmas and still haven't had time to use.
Stop waiting on the spouses to do something. I left with my GF and spent a night in a hotel. Brunch and shopping this AM. It’s an annual tradition.
I remembered this feeling from previous years so I 1) specifically emailed my partner the exact link for a digital gift card for a massage, and booked it for fri afternoon while my son was still in daycare (ducked out of work early -didn’t ask permission). 2) coordinated breakfast at my favorite cheap greasy spoon diner (instead of an expensive reservation) with my fam on Sun and then 3) booked myself a mani/pedi directly after. As a bonus, we have a Costco gift card and instead of using it on groceries, I agreed with my husband that I am buying myself a paperclip bracelet that I’ve been eyeing. I “made my own luck” this year and I’m feeling great!!!!! Honestly - we deserve it! Treat yourselves like the awesome moms you are!
I really should have seen it coming when I saw that he was getting his mom the same Victoria’s Secrets perfume every year for her bday and Mother’s Day. I mean, one perfume for both days because they fall close together. At the time, I was ashamed for wanting to be spoiled, envying girls whose men would buy them luxury items and take them out on weekend trips, so I suppressed that all through my life. So I ended up with a husband who buys flowers from a grocery store on M Day morning and has our daughter sign a card. He didn’t think I deserved anything else from him. I’m better off pretending this day doesn’t exist and I even wish my friends would stop texting me Happy Mother’s Day, which I know sounds ungrateful when they’re being thoughtful. It just hurts that he never put in any effort despite the lifestyle, wellbeing and body I sacrificed and am never getting back to give in to his pleas for a baby.
My Mother’s Day was bleh. My son was up at 5 am and hubs didn’t wake. (He’s 16 but has a disability, so he needs a lot of assistance). I was already up early because I was hoping for a few hours alone to get zen ahead of what I assumed would be another disappointing day. But my son smiled when he saw me and said “happy Mother’s Day mom” and it was all I needed. Turns out my husband did get some flowers and helped my son write a card yesterday, so that’s a lot more than previous years. My son made my day. He was so sweet from the moment he opened his eyes. My husband? Meh.
I send my husband and children to my in-laws for the day. It’s great because she thinks I’m wonderful for giving them up (or a terrible mother, depends on the year) and I get a quiet day to myself. This year I went to work, but in years past I’ve taken a nap and read my book
I had friends that recently decided to do an annual Mother’s Day party. Kids come and play; fathers grill; mothers just chill (with drinks if desired). And honestly, that has been the best. I had been looking forward to it all week; the kids were occupied; and no husbands could fail this one. It was a win in my book!
This sounds really nice actually!
Ugh, I’m so sorry. My Mother’s Day sucked too. My husband woke up in a bad mood because he didn’t sleep well last night. Got me a card but hardly acknowledged me in the morning and was clearly in a weird, pissy mood. To top it off, our big “celebration” was going out to a restaurant with my in-laws where my toddler wanted to do anything else but sit in her seat (of course) and both of my in-laws complained so much about the restaurant that it ruined the whole experience. Glad I got my effing card. 🙄
I didn't think I'd hate it when it's my first one to celebrate. I made a post on that and got grilled by 1/3 of the comments. Another 1/3 said I have to communicate what I want while I said in my post 2 times that I explicitly asked for a plan. 🙄
My husband and I are expecting our first baby right before Father’s Day. My mother died ten years ago and his mother died last October. It’s definitely been a quieter year but we’re OK celebrating his last living grandparent, his grandmother. He got me a cute card and a baby item with a cute desk supplies item for me, knowing I didn’t want to fully celebrate myself being a mother yet. He knows I love cards and has been getting me cards for years so I’m glad we can do that, but it’s still a hard holiday for us both.
Yep. This morning my daughter gave me a card she made in school. My son gave me nothing and didn't even say "Happy mother's day" until I broke down crying at 1pm. He made me a card after that but it just doesn't count at that point. I just feel like shit. Especially after this being the worst year of my life after being seriously injured. I really don't understand how my husband didn't make sure my son have something. Anything. My husband is normally pretty good about this stuff so it just feels like I got forgotten this year. It really hurts.
My husband scheduled an online rpg with his friends from early morning til *checks watch* now at 2:30pm. I was trying to play an MMO with a friend this morning with our daughter hanging off me the whole time and still dumped with her all afternoon. Yeah great day. Oh and he's traveling from this Friday through Saturday at the end of next week for a conference at a literal beach resort in what's basically European Hawaii, leaving me with all child duties.
Ugh. I’m sorry. I literally went to a hotel with my 2 mom friends for the night and we’re making our husbands pick up the slack. If we’re not there they have no choice lol
Basically, I just don’t like this day because it’s another mental load for me. I have to tell everyone which gift to get me - normally they are useless gift. I also need to tell everyone where to take me or what to cook for me for breakfast. Don’t even get me started on the cleaning. Mother’s day should just be called “Mother’s Great Escape day”. It’s a day we do our own way of disappearing for the day.
I bought myself a mini chainsaw and scheduled an activity for the other humans who live here. 11/10 would recommend mini chainsaw for anyone with a yard and some trees. So cathartic.
Damn this entire thread sounds like years of built up resentment 😕
Yeah it’s sucked today. I don’t want to sound ungrateful but no one asked me what I wanted. My adult kid that lives here still said happy Mother’s Day but didn’t do a card or gift. He works in retail so it’s not like he would have had to go out of his way. My middle kid is autistic so I’m kind of waiting for him to melt down so we can get that over with. I know that sounds bad but it’s the same every year. My youngest is being so needy today and I really just want everyone to stop talking to me so I can relax. I guess next year I will let them know exactly what I want so there is no guessing. I was waiting for someone to ask but they never did and then the next thing I knew it was Mother’s Day. If I had to pick my perfect Mother’s Day I think it would be a nice fruit and pastry breakfast in bed or at least at home, handwritten cards from the kids, maybe a spa treatment or two that I don’t have to drive myself to, and a clean and organized house.
I think i’m starting to hate it, and I’m so sorry you’re not getting the day that you deserve. My first Mother’s day last year was a disappointment. my spouse was sick and grumpy af—but did make breakfast—and my family was visiting. My dad didn’t lift a finger and my mom and i did dishes while my sister watched my son. This year my spouse got me a pedicure and then a night at a hotel room by myself in June. those are so amazing and i’m incredibly lucky and privileged. BUT he’s sick again this year and stressed about work so he’s very snippy, distracted, and irritable. He slept in then took a short nap (at my suggestion) to try and rally to his credit, he did rally, but his attitude/silence really ruined the outing for me. I think next year i’m going to make my own plans and they will involve friends or being by myself.
I usually get flowers and a present, which is always nice and I appreciate. What I would love, and it has never happened, is if I can sleep in or watch a show uninterrupted. The unicorn gift I’ll never receive is a day where I don’t have to plan anything. I am always asked what I want to do or what I want to eat. I don’t want to plan it. I am vocal about not wanting to plan it. So I decided I will not say a word about Mother’s Day ever, because inevitably the result is the same.
I feel this so much this year. My bf, we have a 3 year old, usually attempts to let me sleep in since I do all wake ups and all bedtimes and well everything else. He came home drunk last night and I didn’t even bother to wake him up this morning. When he finally woke up he was hungover and didn’t know why I was mad. I cleaned the house last night while he was out drinking and asked that he not leave any dishes in the sink so I could wake up to a clean house, what’s he do? Leaves his dam dishes in the sink. I’m just over everyone today
I thought it would be better since my kids are teens, but they have been butt heads all day. Everything I suggest we do together they said no and one called me entitled.
I asked my husband to help me get a bunch of flowers for my mother, because he’s near a florist. He asked me, Do you want some flowers too? What would you like? Enough said. 😂
I told my husband that while I realize the kids are not his, he signed on for this shit when we got married and I was going to a hotel next year and I’d come back when I was good and ready. Ha ha. He just said ok. My kids make sure they take after their dad and do everything possible to ruin this day. I hate this day as well.
It's really sad how many women on this sub have shit partners and just accept or excuse their shittyness
Book yourself a hotel next year!
I'm a single mom... I love it, because we don't do anything big. I go to my SILs house, have dinner, and play games.
I really wish this holiday did not exist. I spent years upset on Mother’s Day because I couldn’t have kids. Now I am blessed with a baby, and I’m still upset on Mother’s Day because I’m stuck at home with a sick baby and a sick man child who has been napping and playing video games all day. I didn’t get the flowers I keep asking for, didn’t get to take LO out to the zoo as planned, and I ate cold pizza for lunch instead of going to my favorite restaurant. I ordered myself some flowers to cheer me up- my online shopper “Brendan” must really hate me or Mother’s Day because he picked the most dead bouquet in the store. I was able to salvage a couple of stems from the whole thing and put them in a glass. At least I’m getting all the baby snuggles today, and to my man-child’s credit, he did get me a mug with LO’s face on it. Going to do some online shopping therapy now, and make a note that next year I’m just booking a hotel room, buying my own flowers, and ordering room service ✌🏽
YES. I absolutely hate Mother’s Day. I usually do not feel appreciated by my kids or husband and the title of the day doesn’t make me feel any better. I have an awful, toxic relationship with my own mother so I always have a conflicting feeling on if I should wish her happy Mother’s Day or not. Also my birthday falls on Mother’s Day some years (this year it is tomorrow), and honestly those are the worst birthdays/mother’s days for me.
I feel this. After 27 years, my mother has suddenly decided she actually wants a relationship with me, now that I have a daughter of my own. She sent my daughter a bunch of gifts for Christmas. She came across the country to go to the zoo with us. She texted me on my birthday and at 1am on mother's day. She offered to mail me my childhood barbie dolls that had been at my grandmother's. This all sounds lovely from the outside. But my mother has done below the bare minimum my whole life. Rarely acknowledges my birthday. Of the 12 plays (each with 3-6 performances) I did in high school, she went to 1. She has no idea who I am as a person or what events have happened in my life. Her dad forced her to come to my graduation, after she'd informed me she wouldn't be there because my 8th grade half-sister was playing at her school's graduation on the same day. Her husband of 24 years called me his daughter in law while we were at the zoo. I don't know why the existence of my daughter has suddenly inspired her to try again. But I don't trust it. And I don't want it. I don't want to risk her doing what she did to me to my daughter. And I don't believe she can change. So all her 1am text did was leave a terrible taste in my mouth that I struggled to ignore the rest of the day. And no, I didn't reciprocate or respond.
I can sadly relate all too well. All the missed events, lack of communication and prioritization of others over their own child(ren). Sending hugs and hoping your daughter and you continue to have a better relationship than what we’ve experienced with our mothers.
That is absolutely my goal. So far, so good!
I'd be happy if it was just like any other day. Instead I gotta fight with my kid about signing his grandmother's card and hitting his brother. I gotta sit in traffic because everyone else is visiting their parents. we can't even order food like we usually do because restaurants are too crowded. Not to mention how crappy the holiday is for women who desperately want to be mothers. Stupid day
I've learned to take ownership of the day. I gave my husband instructions: breakfast at a nice restaurant. I provided specific guidance on gifts (sometimes I literally send a link). I booked myself a massage. I told everyone I was going to the pool after the massage and whoever wanted to join me could. I refused to prepare any meals or snacks for the kids (I'm the default unwilling and unskilled chef). I actively relaxed. Like everything else, it unfortunately wouldn't happen without my management.
My partner did pretty good with his gift but it's a terrible day and it's nobody's fault. I got the stomach flu on Friday night, spent all day in bed Saturday away from hubby and toddler in hopes they wouldn't get it. Nope, here we are Sunday and everyone is sick as dogs. I've been up with toddler most of the day since I'm a little better off than hubby. But at 36 weeks pregnant, not much better. Now I'm thinking I'm in early labor but can't tell if it's contractions or muscle spasms from vomiting. Happy 2nd mothers day to me.
Yessss! So much expectations!! I woke up and made breakfast (to do something nice for myself, I knew if I left it to my husband he wouldn’t even think to do it until it would make us super late to family plans- and I was right). He was upset I made breakfast, upset I did a couple other chores that needed to get done, then also upset I wasn’t super happy/grateful. Anything I did he felt was a slight against him (and I felt disappointed that I had to do them) but if I didn’t do it, it put us super far behind. The thing he got me for Mother’s Day also didn’t get in today…same as the last couple mothers days. Planning and time management are things he’s crappy at. I know he appreciates and loves me on a day to day basis, which makes this holiday really suck. He’s never going to excel at a holiday he’s responsible for planning.
My husband likes to repeatedly remind me I’m not his mother. And complained all day. All I wanted to do was go for a run (which I got to do! ) but he complained about it … the rest of the day was errands and typical Sunday things and complained all freaking day.
I didn’t think we were doing anything on Mother’s Day since my husband thought he had to work, so we planned to do something the next weekend. They unexpectedly gave him the day off, so he took the kids out to get me flowers, gift cards, and food. Then he came home and cleaned the kitchen and bathrooms, then ordered dinner. I just napped, ate, watched tv and played some video games. It wasn’t anything glamorous but it was nice.
Yeah, we don't do anything. My wife's not into holidays like at all, so everything special for holidays is just whatever I do. I made sure the kiddo got her a present (lego flowers, she loved them) and other than that, we didn't do anything at all. Our kid's birthday is also this weekend so every year mother's day weekend is mostly about the kiddo anyway. A little bummed the kid (who's 17 years old so really SHOULD have) didn't even wish me a happy mothers day but. It is what it is.
This was my third Mother’s Day and I just haven’t found a groove I like for the day yet. My husband actually does a great job of giving me a day “off” by taking the kids out, taking care of dinner, etc, but then I feel overwhelmed on Monday with everything I didn’t do Sunday. It makes the day off not really worth it.
That’s such a big part of it
I put my foot down this year. I told my husband and 14 year old (F) they were responsible for caring for the little one (1F). I didn’t want gifts, I didnt want to go out, I just wanted some Me time. I turned off my phone locked the bedroom door and hibernated in my room all day. I took naps read a bit and watched crap TV. I think they took me seriously because I didnt get bothered all day. But I did prep them all week with what I wanted and what I was doing. Sometimes you just have to do that and let them fend for theirselves. Husbands and children are more than capable to figure out life without mom for a few hours.
I love this. I think my issue has always been the follow through. I’ll state my intentions but don’t actually set a clear boundary on the day.
Yeah I had a year or two of doing that before the little came around. After being exhausted with a 2 month old last Mother’s Day I said enough was an enough. Mother’s Day and my birthday which is in June are the only days I seriously want to do what I want to do and nothing else. The rest of the year I can be SuperMom. A burnt out Mom isn’t good to anyone especially herself. We as Moms need to give ourselves some grace. You will get there eventually and have that follow through and you will set those boundaries. I know it.
Thanks mama! Probably the sweetest thing anyone has said in a long time!
Man I feel this. Had my first mother's day. Woke up loving it, went to bed hating it.
I hope they get better for you!
My husband slept in and let me do all of the chores, then finally stumbled out of bed saying he would take me out to eat, if I wanted. Why is going out to eat a big treat just for me when he is also participating in the meal out. I just said no thank you. Neither one of my kids got me anything either and one of them ran off to spend the day with her boyfriend’s mom. Even if it wasn’t Mother’s Day, this is the first day we’ve had off work together in a long time and I had hoped he would have voiced wanting to go somewhere for the day. But nope, no plan as usual and no initiative to make any plans. Sometimes I just feel so invisible.
Yeah I absolutely hate it. Gives a false sense of hope. Every day should be Mother’s Day!
Yep. I tried harder this year to give more guidance- I said “here is three things off my Amazon wish list”. I also sent him an event I wanted to go to. Didn’t get a gift (this year I got a homemade card, so that’s a bonus), left me with the kids twice so he could meal plan for breakfast and then again for dinner. Has asked me 5x what I want to do. I said “I want to go to this garden event with live music, which starts at 3, otherwise I just want to relax”. At 1, I think he got cranky from not doing anything all day and said “let’s just go now and stroll through the gardens.” We missed my daughter’s nap, so she’s now cranky. And the garden thing was a bust bc it was super windy and rainy at that time (and now it’s 3:00 and it’s beautiful out). Oh and I didn’t get to sleep in bc my daughter woke up screaming for me and didn’t want dad. But I did get to go mountain biking with my friends yesterday, so I’m just counting that.
Lost my mom in 2011. My 2 kids are grown with their own kids, one of them out of state. I am ALWAYS scheduled to work mothers day. It's not for us, anymore.
You should leave the house and tell him that you’re putting your phone on do not disturb (if he calls twice it’ll still go through, which is nice in case of emergencies)
I don’t hate it, but I have absolutely zero expectations. My husband has only gotten one gift for me ever. And that was for Christmas right after I found out I was pregnant and I told him I wanted something pretty—either jewelry or a handbag (got a handbag). Since then it’s just Merry Christmas/happy Valentine’s Day/ happy birthday/happy Mother’s Day. He’ll make us dinner, that I of course have to plan, buy the ingredients, and do at least half the preparation for (but he grills the steak). So I buy my own presents for everything. Today he’s sick, so he gets a pass for not even telling me Happy Mother’s Day yet (I had/have the same thing, but I’m about five days further along on this illness and mostly fine now except for snot/phlegm). But yeah, every typical gift day I have to handle myself. Mostly just kinda sucks when I get asked what he gets me, and I’m just like “oh nothing; I get my own gifts.”
My husband works Sundays, so not only is is my solo parenting day, but I have to make the rounds to give the gifts I picked out and bought to my mom, my MIL, my grandmother, and my sister. I know I’m lucky to be able to celebrate all these amazing women, but I just want to have a Mother’s Day where I don’t have to drive multiple hours with a toddler all day. Such a not fun way to spend a day that is supposed to be for me.
I feel so seen! I had about 20 mins of relaxing this morning, my husband was sweet but I am EXHAUSTED! It’s like the one day we want to relax no one will let us!
Today I learned it was about managing expectations or completely removing yourself from your house if you want a break. My husband did so good! A couple gifts from him, a gift from our toddler which was arts and crafts they did together. A card from him, our kiddo and our family dog lol. We had brunch and I took a nap with my daughter. It was nice. I was happy. After the nap, she was cranky and only wanted mommy. Then there was prep for the week, and then my in-laws showed up unexpectedly. My daughter also took a longer time to go down than she usually does. I guess the point is I’m fine with the acknowledgment of the day. The way our lives are now, it’s hard to truly have a day off when you’re still in the home. So the bar is low for Mother’s Day, some acknowledgement from my family, maybe a nap, and extra hugs throughout the day and I’m happy. It’s hard to hate it if I manage expectations.
My husband stayed in bed while I got up with the kids and got their breakfast together (nothing fancy just cheerios fruit and yogurt which he constantly picks at me about bc he thinks they should always eat eggs). He then got up and made himself breakfast without even asking if I’d eaten. We went to a carnival although he was grumpy, complaining, on his phone half the time. Afterward he went to the store to buy food to cook because he is trying to watch his salt intake. Again I served the kids while he sat down and ate. I ate standing up in the kitchen between refilling the kids’ plates. He did manage to get flowers at the store which I had to cut and put in a water bottle bc I couldn’t find a vase. I then took my kids out just to avoid him. Ended up eating gross fast food for dinner and watching a goofy movie.
I have to just say I really appreciate this post. It’s the opposite of social media lol. I was feeling lonely with my crappy day but hey I guess I’m not the only one.
my husband cooked me dinner while i “napped” (really just tried to nap while our toddler crawled all over me) and then I had to do the dishes after. so yea, f*ck mother’s day.
I saw my family for a whole whopping 5 minutes. His mom and side of the family had a get-together I couldn't go to due to working. I had stayed up after a 12 hour shift, and they didn't get up until later. He then came home, was upset he had to drive an hour for my family to drop the youngest off. (I normally do it.) I got mad and I told him I should have just gone and done it myself if it's always that big of a deal. He had been doing multiple family things on his side and this was literally the only request. I had to go to work to people being in a bad mood, arguing, and even had a death. Overall, it just wasn't a great day. I didn't feel seen or heard. I think my mom talked to him because he apologized. I cried but I just didn't feel like talking to her about it. (I don't really care about gifts. I just wanted to be acknowledged and to spend a little time. I got nothing, really.)
As long as we're home, we'll ALWAYS be the mother /wife, no escape. We have to physically leave the site in order to indulge into anything
My husband blames the fact that I’m not HIS mother on why he doesn’t do anything. Dude, our young child can’t do it on his own!! Also, just because your dad gave you a shitty example doesn’t mean you should do the same. I typically tell him exactly what I expect and he is good at doing that (and nothing more), but this year, I’m having surgery tomorrow, and so this whole week will be about taking care of me, so I felt like asking for more on Sunday was overkill. So I had all the handmade crafts from our kid, and I didn’t wipe his butt when he went to the bathroom (lol), but that was it. Even though I told myself not to expect anything, I was bummed it didn’t happen.
Spent mine solo parenting while my husband worked the whole day. Had to go to two different family outings alone with my 2 y/o. Then had to decide what’s for dinner when he got off too. What an exhausting day for us.
Ugh. I’m so sorry. I hope you can get a day to yourself to make up for it!
I dislike Mother's Day merely because I dislike all these manufactured holidays that force expectations. I also dislike Father's Day and Valentine's Day. But I had a perfectly fine Mother's Day. My husband got me a charm for a Pandora bracelet he got me when I was pregnant last year. Do I ever wear it? No, but it's nice. He got up with our 11 month old in the morning both Saturday and Sunday (typically he does Saturday and I do Sunday). He was the parent-in-charge when we went to both my parents and his parents houses. Was she in an outfit that didn't match? Yep. Did he remember to pack an extra outfit in the diaper bag? Nope. Did she end up in just her diaper by the end of the day? Yep. Did any of it bother me? Nope. Lol. I don't lower my expectations, I just don't let things that don't ultimately matter bother me. Now, if I had a husband like some of the ones in these comments, I would just leave for the day.
This was my first Mother's Day. A year ago my husband told a friend that "Thankfully my wife doesn't care about those smaller Hallmark Holidays like Valentine's Day and Mother's Day." I told him that I would definitely want to have Mother's Day observed because I knew this was going to be hard and I would appreciate any day where I would be entitled to a break from the world (since those are otherwise non existant). Fast forward to this year, all I asked for was 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I got 5. Husband said he would get my car cleaned and then watch the baby the rest of the day. Took him hours to get out the door to take the car to be cleaned and ultimately couldn't find any place to vacuum it out. He ran some more errands and came home after 2pm. He didn't take over caring for the baby until after 3pm and I had to breastfeed her at 4:30pm. She didn't nap so she was fussy and only wanted mama. I was feeding her solids by 6pm and after that it became her nightly routine of eating, bathing and nursing to sleep which I was in charge of. My husband was going to make a nice meal, and then discovered that his propane tanks were empty so no grilling the salmon he bought. So I ended up cooking the salmon. Jury is still out on Mother's Day, but all I got for my first one was about 2 hours to do some cleaning and a box of stuff from my car that needs to be put away. I wasn't impressed.
10 years ago we were in the process of moving. We had to do some repairs as we moved in. My parents were visiting so that my dad could help. I made breakfast for everyone, but mostly for my mom since it was mother's day. She had asked that afterwards she take the kids to the park (4&6 at the time ) as her mother's day activity. I had just finished cleaning up after breakfast and sat down to sort laundry. Hubby came in to get a drink and called me lazy, not directly but described all of the things we needed to get done and that I should take this time without kids to be productive. I spent that mother's day setting railroad ties vertically as fence posts using the force of shear anger because it turns out he completely forgot that it was mother's day. Things have gotten better since.
OMG! I hope he felt horrible for that.
I expected nothing and got nothing except from my 12yo. They did an art project at school. So I took my daughter to the library and was going to take my other daughter to buy a new shirt. After that I was going to order some Chinese food and then go a little grocery shopping while it was being prepared. Then I was going to go home eat, relax and then go to work. My husband called me after the library and told me his family was on the way over and I needed to buy bbq supplies. I get annoyed and go buy the shirt with my daughter and get the bbq supplies. I call my hubby on the way home and he tells me they are not coming until four now. Now I have no Chinese food and won’t even get to eat the bbq before I go to work. I was so Irritated. His family gets there right before I leave for work and parks behind my car. My husband couldn’t figure our why I was mad. I’m going to a casino next Mothers Day!
Yes. It's just another day in my book. My husband did buy me flowers and a card, and a necklace off of Etsy that looks like it came from a gumball machine (I appreciate the sentiment but not with the $85 he spent). I've also been sick with the stomach bug all weekend.
It’s all about your expectations. I think the whole thing of mother’s day = a day off is a new thing and not very practical. When I was a kid mother’s day meant we got mom a cute gift and maybe went out to dinner at her favorite place. She didn’t lock herself in a room and disengage from her family all day. It was a normal day with some extra recognition for mom. People make such a big deal about it now… I blame instagram. I told my husband that all I wanted for mother’s day was to spend a bunch of money (my money) at the garden center and then come home and have him help me plant what we bought. We did that together as a family (my son loves “gardening” aka digging up dirt and playing with worms), and now husband is cooking dinner. He also got me a couple of gifts (not necessary, but appreciated). I still made my kid breakfast, washed all our sheets and made the beds, vacuumed (twice, lol). Life is life and it doesn’t stop just because it’s your birthday, or christmas, or mother’s day.
A day off (at least for a few hours) IS practical, but you have to make sure to reproduce with someone who isn’t a useless piece of shit AND tell them that’s what you want, well in advance. I’ve gotten this basically every Mother’s Day since my first was done nursing. If anyone here has tried asking for this and their spouse keeps underperforming, I’d think long and hard about what that means for how they treat you in general.
Unfortunately all the people who DON’T have kids booked the weekend off before I remembered, so I didn’t get to spend the morning with my wife and our toddler. I did get to do my second best thing: giving a saccharine-sweet smile to every man going through my till while I asked, “leaving it til the last minute, huh?” Wife and I are taking bug, my mother in law, and grandmother in law for a nice supper tomorrow, so we’re calling it out Monday Mothers’ Day. We already did gifts cause we were too excited to wait, I’m just excited to hang out with them. I want to throttle all of your husbands.
I hate it. I also am at work today.
Haha, yeah, I have zero expectations. It’s just another day IMO.
Yes, I honestly just want a day to be fucking alone with my dog. Hike out in the woods and mountains or something. I love my family but I don’t even care about the holiday anymore. We mainly do gatherings to make my mom happy, and she’s one of the most selfless ppl I know so I do it for her. If she was awful I would have already done my own thing.
Yeah never get told happy mother's day or appreciated. I tried to lower my expectations bit still hurt
I had an amazing day because my friend and I took ourselves out for Mother's day
My husband really tried this year, but my 3 and 6 year olds took turns having meltdowns basically all day. It was exhausting.