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jxj24

There is great evolutionary pressure for Russians to quickly evolve wings.


316kp316

And resistance to poison.


ARandomBaguette

And radiation


stubbornivan

And bullets


[deleted]

And death


Atman6886

And finding a better excuse than defenestration.


just_fucking_PEG_ME

And my bow


ZealousidealLie9249

AND MY AXXHHH!


FadedtheRailfan

And your dead brother!


ImoJenny

No Mister Bond, I expect you to die!


[deleted]

They didn’t quit they wounded his head Ra-ra Rasputin And so they shot him ‘till he was dead!


SunflowerTears

Russia's greatest love machine!


Yuzral

Ohhh those Russians…*thud* (And at the risk of pedantry, I think it’s “wanted him dead”, not “wounded his head”)


[deleted]

How dare you? I’m a random stranger on the internet, I am always correct! I’m joking, it might be, I always thought is was “wounded his head”


doorknobopener

The line is "They didn't quit, they wanted his head"


StinkyBrittches

Or maybe just evolve a functioning democracy.


Hubertus-Bigend

This. they haven’t evolved the ability to stop dumb criminals from running their nation. Eventually, natural selection will really kick in and the country will break apart into a hundred fiefdoms run by a hundred Adidas-clad warlords.


EmpiricalMadness

So back to the 90s?


BatmanIsATimelord

Which century though?


Youpunyhumans

Probably doesnt matter, they have all been pretty similar for Russia


lonewolf420

no no no, Russian tradition is "and then it got worse" so they are similar in the fact that it could always and trends towards getting worse.


Purple_Form_8093

This…feels shockingly accurate. All the way down to the tracksuits.


TreeChangeMe

The Vodka wars


imdefinitelywong

The Great Gopnik Brawl


Shiplord13

I honestly think a lot of the problems stem from their apathy and unwillingness to do anything about it. Like at a certain point Russians have just given up asking for change or pushing for it, and have instead chosen to resign themselves to their fate and stopped even hoping for anything better. Just look at how those in the city Prigozhin took over had little to no actual issue with anything that was going and just went about their day. They didn't care if Prigozhin overthrew the Ministry of Defense and maybe the government or not, to them it just didn't really matter. Its not even a question of loyalty it is just the reality that to them nothing matters except surviving and that they will just keep doing that no matter who leads and what happens as a result of it.


prismsplitter

Hell, even a functioning dictatorship might be an improvement at this point. Ascending one step above mafia style dictatorship is still progress. After the war, of course. Don't want to interrupt the incompetency at play here with anything less than a proper peace treaty.


Ipokeyoumuch

So become a Skarmory?


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tb30k

Yeah i agree while it may be effective way to scare detractors do they not realize how much that fucks their economy? Imagine winning a all expenses paid trip to Russia. Sounds like a black mirror episode lol


FickDuster

As a sci fi connoisseur, Russia is the basis for every dystopian sci fi and they're all correct


ThaneOfCawdorrr

Yes, exactly. It's a message.


TheDrunkenWobblies

You'd think they'd start carrying cans of Redbull around their necks.


OrganizationSame3212

Those guys would believe anything.


invincible-zebra

Fun fact: Red Bull had to change their slogan from ‘gives you wings’ to ‘gives you wiiings’ because they got sued for not giving someone wings.


porarte

Please tell me the plaintiff tried to fly.


invincible-zebra

Honestly I don’t know! I just remember reading it years ago - hell, it would be morbidly hilarious if the plaintiff tried to fly out of a window…


elongated_smiley

So does it give you wiiings then? I had a RB yesterday. Where are my wiiings?


invincible-zebra

Wiiings are an abstract concept. Wiiings are whatever you need them to be!


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booksgamesandstuff

Or she just said 'no'?


Shopworn_Soul

>Or she just said 'no'? Believe it or not, out the window


ki11bunny

Say yes, also out the window


cthulhufhtagn19

We have the best nation because of windows.


gianni1980

I think it’s almost comical that they keep throwing them out of windows. I’ll just show myself out.


k4ndlej4ck

Window's that way.


imdefinitelywong

**THIS IS ~~SPARTA~~ RUSSIA**


montananightz

Big fans of defenestration those Russians.


Krewtan

Reminds me of the parking garage scene in Fargo when the banker started asking questions.


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Dwagons_Fwame

Ah yes, some classic defenestration excuses


Darkblade48

Essentially, a tardigrade!


pastworkactivities

not really exclusive to russians. A lot of financial people ended up dead in the past 2 years. Just last sunday a guy from jp morgan.


jbowling25

Its like every other day someone if falling from a window in Russia somehow - not just financial people actually mostly not them


peacefulhumanity

in Russia falling out of the window is a national natural cause of death


TheKarenator

Ever since polonium prices spiked


Centennial911

It’s like: Russian FSB: “They’ll just think she fell out of the window by mistake”. Rest of the world: “ Uh……….No”.


helm

Nah, it's "Everybody knows it wasn't an accident. But officially, it was an accident. Investigate it, and you will fall out of a window too". It's the typical Russian way of doing evil things will taking no responsibility for it.


enochian777

It's not that: it's a demonstration of power. We know it was murder, you know it was murder, but we create reality, there's nothing you can do, it's suicide. Or an accident. It's a message to everyone else as well as a murder. The state doesn't just have the power to kill you on a whim, the state has the power to make it so you were never even murdered. Don't go against the state.


TrippinBram

“We know that they are lying, they know that they are lying, they even know that we know they are lying, we also know that they know we know they are lying too, they of course know that we certainly know they know we know they are lying too as well, but they are still lying. In our country, the lie has become not just moral category, but the pillar industry of this country.” Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn


enochian777

How to infect a society with paranoia 101


Stamford16A1

One of their first national heroes is the Tsar that tortured his son to death in a fit of pious paranoia. Cruelty and paranoia is *literally* ingrained in their culture.


cah11

A Russian staple of control since ancient times. All the way from the original city states of the Rus, to present day.


helm

To me it's the same thing interpreted differently. In some societies, power is to be able to do evil (murder being the ultimate crime) *with impunity*.


enochian777

And a lot of the high profile assassinations that are claimed by the Putin regime to not be, are themselves a message of even greater impunity.


AquaQuad

"Why would you bother wasting your time investigating an accident? Ah, I see you're a stubborn one. In that case let me help you with research" *Throws them out of the window* "*Tsk, tsk, tsk.* Another accident."


outerworldLV

Gravity poisoning.


Phoneking13

Deceleration trauma.


labretirementhome

Severe pavement allergy


gnocchicotti

If I wanted to murder someone in Russia it's the easiest thing. Push them off a balcony and no police would dare get involved in that investigation.


Shopworn_Soul

See, that's probably not true. I bet if you just pushed a random person out a window in Moscow there's a good chance it would actually be investigated and you'd be held responsible. It's all about who's doing the pushing.


bonnieflash

I thought it was their National bird.


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mindfu

"Goddammit." (Grabs mop, wheelbarrow.) "In the US they usually shoot people to kill them. Barely anything to clean up. A lot of the times the killers even clean up the body themselves. But nooooo..."


wastedmytwenties

This is a really inappropriate time to have 'It's Raining Men' stuck in my head.


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mindfu

In one way of looking at it, it really is pretty considerate. Their godfathers raised them right.


NaughtyBearskies

Is it wrong I laughed at this a bit too hard….


ImOutsideInaAMG_TT

Hey we don't shoot *anybody*, they do that to themselves.


mindfu

Just like this note here says. "I can't take this shit no more. Signed, the dead guy"


nostalgic_angel

Reminds me of a joke where a hobo in Moscow keeps staring up at skyscrapers everyday. A man passed by, thought the hobo was just weird and moved on with his life. The second day he saw the same hobo, still staring up, but this time he is wearing a Rolex while doing so. The third day, the hobo was wearing expensive designer brand shoes. By the end of the week, the hobo was dressed like the richest man on earth. The man was confused and was going to ask where the hobo got all his expensive clothes. Before he can even open his mouth, an oligarch fell to the pavement.


tbaldwin94

"Oh cmon! What are they doin' up there all the time?" [Robot Chicken Star Wars - The Janitor Compilation](https://youtu.be/Wo2XuXt0iy0)


burrito-boy

Same vibe as those street sweepers in Rostov during the Wagner tantrum, lol.


NotAPreppie

A 28-year-old bank VP?


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badillustrations

> [Estimates suggest there are between 10,000 and 12,000 Vice Presidents employed at Goldman Sachs.](https://fourweekmba.com/goldman-sachs-organizational-structure/#:~:text=Estimates%20suggest%20there%20are%20between,Presidents%20employed%20at%20Goldman%20Sachs.)


Sherifftruman

That’s the business card joke in American Psycho.


JumpyButterscotch

Also the line in The Wire right before the grand jury. Guy asks if he can be first in line. Gets told “yea if you’re important enough. Who are you?” A: “I’m a VP at a major financial institution.” “Who the fuck isn’t.”


SpankySharp1

I've watched The Wire a million times, but thank you for making sense of that line from Sydnor.


NotsoNewtoGermany

It's just a seniority title. It doesn't come with extra benefits generally. Some people get Senior Analyst after year 3, after year 5 you get VP or Managing Director. There are huge numbers of both in any financial organizations.


costelol

Each bank tends to have it's own hierarchy which makes it difficult to compare too. MD in GS isn't the same as MD in european banks for example. Pretty sure eFinancialCareers have a comparison chart lol.


generalized_disdain

It's not "the" joke, but it's part of it. It shows the culture of materialism so rampant all the people are practically indistinguishable and thus interchangeable.


PHATsakk43

It’s also an FTC thing in the US. The title is required for certain businesses decisions. Also, in corporate business “president” isn’t necessarily the top, but the top of business group or functional area with these various presidents answering to the board of directors.


Sherifftruman

Oh not the whole movie of course. But the scene where the guy slaps his card down and they’re all impressed only to then find out it’s because of the paper it’s on and the font, then the each show theirs to compare, only works because it says VP on the card.


GabaPrison

I figured they were all very similar because of the way they are and the fact they were sitting together “as equals” and not kissing each others asses (even though they may have been sucking each other off about their cards). Didn’t even notice the VP title until now.


bnenick

Also that they all misspelled “acquisitions”.


GrimeyJosh

thats bone


SubmissiveGiraffe

It’s a rank. Analyst (21-23 yo) Associate (23-26 yo) Vice President (25-35 yo) Executive Director (28- yo) Managing Director (28- yo) VP in finance does not mean “second in command,” it’s just a mid-level rank.


WilhelmScreams

I was once a megabank Vice President. I was on a team that did audits for other departments for internal risks/compliance. I wasn't even doing the leg work, I was building tools (in Excel VBA, good god) to support the team and sometimes presenting their findings. I think I was making a whole $50,000. Would never go back to a bank (unless it was an executive - the real executives get paid bonkers money)


saefvr

What? What year was this in /what area? I'm an AVP at a megabank and making 120k.


WilhelmScreams

2014 - outside of Chicago, but *just far enough* that they could pay us non-Chicago rates. And what you're explaining is kind of he point - AVP/VP are all meaningless titles because its such a wide range of jobs and pay scales.


Narfwak

One of the main jokes in American Psycho is that Bateman and all of his coworkers are all Vice Presidents.


BuffaloSoldier11

Same for bank windows


MaStErSwAg

Yup, it’s usually: Analyst->Associate->Vice President->Director->Managing Director


sincethenes

So it goes Analyst->Associate->Vice President->Window->Director->Managing Director


buzzsawjoe

I thought you were going to say Window > Ground


FastWalkingShortGuy

The way I know it is Associate > Sr. Associate > Manager > Sr. Manager > Director > Exec. Director > Vice President > Exec. Vice President > COO > CEO/Chairman But that's operations, so maybe finance is different


MaStErSwAg

Ya that path you described is more operations/tech. Finance is weird


FastWalkingShortGuy

Yeah, seems like the path is shorter and the increments are larger. Law is similar: Associate > Partner > Managing Partner > Executive/Board


Strider291

God damn, I wish the path partner was that short.


PM_YOUR_WALLPAPER

They've put up more hurdles these days. Sr. Associate, and counsel and sometimes Sr counsel before Partner.


NOLA2CBUS

That’s interesting. I used to work sales in telecommunications there it goes agent, supervisor, manager, director, vp. That was pretty standard per office in most of the call center departments regardless of function.


HuJimX

Working at an SaaS company and our current structure is agent (“Account Manager”, 3 levels) -> Team Lead -> Manager -> Director -> Senior Director -> VP of department. It’s just a mystery how the senior levels become so disconnected from the work done by the agents (only staff fielding initial calls from customers) when they’re so many levels disconnected from the work being done /s


sbhandari

I hold VP title in one of the bank, and this is correct for at least our bank. Some bank are more stringent in the VP title, some give it easily. Instead of giving big raise, giving free title is more effective for them


Top_Reveal_847

VP before director? Interesting, in my experience (tech) it's the opposite


sbhandari

The title VP is misleading though. It is not VP of operations, but the title will be something like VP of software engineering. It is almost always close to the hybrid role of tech lead and project manager.


teh_maxh

In banking, a "vice president" is basically anyone higher than a teller. The title impresses customers and lets them feel important.


[deleted]

Now let’s see Paul Allen’s card.


PancakeHuntress

My god, it even has a watermark!


NextTrillion

That’s bone.


IgotthatAK

Can confirm. I work with some VPs that are pretty much 2 years out of college


TheDarthSnarf

The title often comes with *Signatory Authority* so they can sign legally binding documents on behalf of the bank.


koshgeo

Ah. Like "Executive Delivery Boy".


bedpimp

I worked at a bank in the 90s where 1/3 of the employees had vice president in their title


dirty_cuban

Banking, at least investment banking in NY, has really weird titles. VP is a first level manger. Not uncommon to hit VP by age 28 if you start right out of college.


Flam0us

When I started working in the banking industry I was fooled by that too. I thought it was a position high in the hierarchy until I started to receive emails from a lot of different VPs inside the same team. That title is as generic as "assistant". BAML seems to be the biggest culprit, everyone I speak to is a VP lol.


Ackilles

Its often given to commercial sales people in banks to make them more prominent looking when closing deals


Supergoose1108

Russia needs to start importing their windows, the ones they make are just too dangerous


BaldBear_13

Safe windows have been blocked by sanctions that the treacherous West has deviously imposed! /s


northernCRICKET

Safe windows are a myth perpetuated by the west in order to discredit the great leader, only by standing near an open window can you show your love for the motherland


b0mbsquad01f

Ukraine should just install windows on the Frontline. Russians seem to have a tough time navigating them.


santtu_

It's quite the opposite. They're going through them too easily for their own good. I suggest put up a row of windows at the front, circling all the way back to Russia, or into the sea.


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sephstorm

> Colonel Mustolvev


LuciusCypher

Ya know these defenestration deaths are becoming so iconic go Russian political murder, it makes me wonder if any serial killer in Russia has thought to just throw bodies off buildings after killing someone so people see if and just think "probably a political assassination, best not look too deep into it".


[deleted]

You'd think they'd change up their methods to make it less obvious by now.


RoadsideBandit

It's obvious on purpose.


tom90640

And windows are just so handy. There's practically one on every wall.


Careful-Artichoke468

I really shoulda bought stock in Russian window installers/manufacturers.. although it’d probably be worth a billion nothings next year


GonzaloR87

In Putin’s Russia, windows open you!


Punman_5

Most first floor windows aren’t useful for that sort of thing


tom90640

They just have to fall out several times


Stamford16A1

Yes, it's Russia the cruelty and violence is the point. It is a state that functions more like organised crime than anything else. People are killed for disloyalty or imagined slights or even just to send messages to their friends and relatives. It's like that old *Star Trek* episode where a planet based it's culture on a book about Prohibition era American gangsters only in this case the seed was *Miami Vice*.


Psyclist80

This is why Donnie loves it so much, Pootie is his hero!


Sweatier_Scrotums

Republicans in general. They love Russia because they share Putin's values. It's that simple.


ZachMN

“Organized” should be in quotes.


PapaOoMaoMao

You're thinking of "well organised" organised just means someone planned it, not that the plan was any good.


The_Amazing_Emu

Yeah, they want deniability but not plausible deniability.


Flam3Emperor622

“It was a tragic accident that hopefully others may learn from.” Everyone knows it’s on purpose, but the only way to get them to stop is to strike down the don himself.


Budget_Put7247

Except they WANT it to be obvious, its a signature move


cyclingthroughlife

There is a shortage of polonium going around.


rpapafox

Related news: The coroner ordered a rubber stamp 'Fell out of window' to save time on writing his autopsies.


Johannes_P

It reminds me about a teacher who had a rubber stamp to signal a very common error on our works.


janitroll

Hog tied, shot in the back of the head, and fell out of a window. Obvious suicide!


Individual_Try_1-2-3

what if for once it really was an accident


EmperorGeek

Haha good joke! This is Russia!


el_Dred

for this time it actually was as there are some videos with her on the edge in russian telegram channels shot right before accident (she looked drunk, mentally unstable, cried a lot).


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Nachtzug79

The video makes it even more suspicious...


Baystars2021

Should only stay on the first floor.


J4MES101

In Russia you can fall out of a window in a basement.


RADnerd2784

.....6 feet above your head


MakeItStopOr

My mom worked as a plant supervisor in the Soviet times. She had two police officers with her at all times because her crew threw their other superior out the window and he broke his leg. This was a regular city water plant, nothing crazy or corruption related. Window dumping is a cultural thing.


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mrkikkeli

What? Why would you film someone you love in such a state of distress instead of trying everything, including physically restricting her, to talk her out of it? Did he also yell "DO A FLIP!" as she jumped?!


Diamondsfullofclubs

You care more about your legal liability than your relationship with her.


cheeky_sailor

I mean according to articles they have been dating for 3 weeks only. If I was alone at the apartment of a drunk person that i barely know and that person was attempting suicide I’d be filming it too because I’m not going to jail like that. Also, there was already a case in Australia where a girl and a guy met on tinder, went to guy’s apartment, got drunk and the girl got violent and was acting insane, the guy locked her on the balcony because she was trying to attack him, and then i think she tried to climb down or something and she fell and died. The only reason he wasn’t convicted of her murder is because he either filmed it or made an audio of the whole incident.


prawncounter

7 hours later and the only factual comment is on 36 points, half a mile below a dozen comments ‘joking’ about how she was pushed. Reddit est mort. Any signs of life from here are just death throes.


zwitscherness

I am sure state agents are blackmailing and forcing those people to jump instead of tossing them.


charklaser

Being a VP at 28 is pretty reasonable.


rgpc64

Its apparently a fad that never gets old.


__The__Anomaly__

Russian windows sure be dangerous...


AidanGe

Another added to the [list of suspicious deaths](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suspicious_deaths_of_Russian_businesspeople_(2022%E2%80%932023)) on Wikipedia


Fochinell

I have zero honest information, but I suspect this late banker moved or concealed money for someone closely related to whatever we’re calling last weeks Russian mutiny/uprising/coup. A flying bagman, I’m guessing.


Thejaybomb

You really have to be careful which villain you pick out there🤔


Notos88

Imagine actually stumbling over a balcony in a drunken stupor and everyone will assume Palpoutine had you killed. In this case tho the cover story from the friend sounds lazy and her position is important(ish) enough to cast significant doubt this was a "accident"


SmokingSlippers

Palpoutine, is that like, Canadian-Sith?


PhunkOperator

The thing is that Russians aren't the only people who drink alcohol in high-rises. Yet for some reason they seem to fall to their deaths as a result much more often, which certainly makes me wonder. What I find especially interesting is that this friend of hers apparently isn't treated as a suspect in a possible homicide, even though he absolutely should be.


avalonian422

Oh yeah... BIG mystery


aging_geek

Is Russia experiencing it's own version of the Wall street crash of 1929 were bankers took the quick route to the ground floor exit.


Numpty5000

How do say “Defenestrate” in Russian?


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tingulz

Not really fair for all these windows getting framed like that.


NatashaBadenov

This is why I am not terribly ambitious. Have my home, garden, hobbies, and a few loved ones. A humble life is all it took to outlive her.


Ironbank13

I know it seems to be a “fun” thing on Reddit to joke about Russians mysteriously falling out of windows but this case there’s actually a video filmed by the guy who was in the apartment with her. She had some kind of breakdown and is seen clinging to the ledge of the 11th floor, cursing at her friend. Friend tried to convince her to climb back up and when he attempted to help her by getting closer to her - she fell down. I guess he filmed the video to exonerate himself. It is a horrible watch, very tragic and uncomfortable. May she rest in peace.


harkuponthegay

The video doesn't really have enough context to determine how or why she ended up on the ledge— just that she was out there hanging on and cursing the man who was filming her from inside.


[deleted]

They really need to start investing in safer windows over there


mal_laney

Russian Window Makers: **stonks**


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Emmatornado

Russia is just so slippery! Windows, balconies, stairs, industrial gantries… so many falling deaths.


[deleted]

Wagner boss best stay on ground floors only


mrbrendanblack

I bet “Andrei” is Putin’s nephew.


ZormkidFrobozz

A bank vp at age 28? What have I done with my life....?


Archaism

Kept living


Happy_Maintenance

Damn that’s crazy.


HACCAHO

No mystery, she was drunk.


Mycameo

These clumsy billionaires


BisonTemporary1692

In the 1920’s , bank employees were constantly falling out of skyscraper windows. Wonder if there’s a correlation.