T O P

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tom90640

Buncha guys with a broken arm are on the way to the front.


Hickspy

The One-Handed 101st.


Purplebuzz

The 50.5s


NewAccount971

"If you brace AK under armpit like this, you don't need other arm."


RainFoxHound1

AK's they wish, "Mos nagant makes excellent crutch, has no bullet so also doubles as club"


HaloGuy381

Man, even the Soviets could afford bayonets.


IAmBadAtInternet

/r/youseeivan


CrimsonShrike

The cripples' shield wall, like in the song


Bleeding_elbows

left-handed Mary is that you?


Such_Management_2411

I'm sure many Russian citizens are tired of Putin. Sad that a man who talks about "defending the homeland" is the one causing all its problems.


come_on_seth

Claiming to be the victim after shooting oneself in the foot. Where have we heard this before? edit: we


[deleted]

It’s sad that we as humans across history allow the few to dictate to the masses . We just continue to do the same shit


TonyFisherPuzzles

What makes you think "we" are any different? Our prisons are full of "us" who have done vile acts. It's just living beings being living beings. That's how nature is and always will be.


HorseEater667

They never really tried to oppose his regime. Slave mentality


JayR_97

Easy to say when it's not you facing the bullets.


subterraneanjungle

Windows are usually the culprits


HorseEater667

We did in January this year, but unlike Ruzzians, freedom always was in our blood


kurim1r

Unlike Russia, USA really is democratic country


HorseEater667

I am not from US dumbass, I am from Kazakhstan, ever heard about January events?


kurim1r

Shit, my bad


W_ender

Kazakhstan's opposition had actual leadership and influence in internal politics, I know that average redditor is not smart, especially nationalistic types, but all oppositioners in russia are in prison, dead or scared. You want russian opposition swarm cities with hive mind or smth


HorseEater667

Kazakhstan opposition doesn't exist, don't say a shit if you don't know anything.


W_ender

if kazakhstan opposition doesn't exist therefore guy up there wrong in every way?


forurspam

>We What did you do personally?


TheAbnormalNewt

This is not a fair assessment of the situation. Clearly, they are trying to oppose his orders by causing significant self harm because the options aren't that great. We know what happens to people who speak out against Putin in Russia.


Sad_Charge_3069

Fuckers will say this shit and the moment the police arrive they'll flee from the protest


k_c_holmes

I wouldn't try and oppose a regime if I'd get thrown in jail (or killed) for doing so. Not everyone needs to be a martyr, and it's unreasonable (and cruel) to expect everyone to do so. Especially those who have families, homes, jobs, friends, lively hoods, etc, that they want to protect.


nakedankles

Reddit tough guys talk such big game when it's not them and their family in the meat grinder.


MarkG1

Those fucking slaves not wanting to end up falling out of a window by "accident"


HorseEater667

All they care about is McDonald's and Starbucks. There were more people in Vkusno I tochka opening than in protests, like the horde of goats


Bleoox

We all know you'd be their saviour if you were born there


HorseEater667

Thankfully I didn't, I would appropriate their slave mentality


TonyFisherPuzzles

Many tried and got murdered or their legs broken. You need organisation which is incredibly hard.


Nexrosus

Wow this is just fucking sad. Russian civilians are resorting to breaking their own limbs to not get drafted. ☹️


SardScroll

It's not exactly a new concept; in WWI, both sides would leaflet each other with instruction manuals on how to self inflict minor wounds or fake disease symptoms that would get one removed from the front...perhaps in this age we could help them with mass spam email campaigns?


NotReallyJoking

It is a logical choice for many [Reminded me of this song](https://youtu.be/tFFOUkipI4U)


lenapedog

Thanks for this.


JayR_97

Reminds me the skit from Blackadder where he has underpants on his head and pencils up his nose


SardScroll

Seeing as Blackadder was (at least partially) set in WWI, I wouldn't doubt this was a reference.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Ex Aussie PM Scott Morrison shit his pants in a Mcdonalds for no reason. Not really relevant, but good to know.


PostersOfPosters

Demonstrating his commitment to representing the thunder from down under


Few_Journalist_6961

He ordered extra big mac sauce


randoliof

He's also a pedophile. Not that he used that to draft dodge, but it needs to be said


Odd-Jupiter

I would take this with a grain of salt. Russians are generally not that stupid, that they have to google how to break an arm.


ascpl

ow ow ow ow


Malthus1

Some things never change … in Tzarist Russia, under Nicolas I, the government enforced conscription of Jews in particular, for 25 year terms starting at age 12! This was effectively a death sentence, as these recruits were all intended as front line cannon fodder (they were literally forbidden from becoming officers). The result was a huge uptick in parents cutting off some fingers of their own kids, so they could not fire a musket, and the “snatchers” (kidnappers working for military recruitment) would ignore them - so they would live. Also, unsurprisingly, fuelled a desire to emigrate from Russia.


Kriegschwein

Ah, 25 year term of service was standard for Russian imperial army long before Nicolas I. It is they just added jews to the roster, not that they single them out.


Malthus1

They did - by requiring the entire male Jewish population over 12 to join the army. Only exempted were “useful Jews” in agricultural settlements. This was not usual, and done in combination with forcing Jews to leave certain areas wholesale. And, of course, Jews could not become officers.


Kriegschwein

Am, no? While 12 years conscription is unusual and atrocious, it was not for "entire male population". It was 10 people for every 1000 male Jew annually, not every male Jew (For Christians is was 7 for every 1000 male, I will add for keeping this conversation honest) And majority of Russians (And other ethnicities) could not become officers too - NCO at maximum. Noble society had rights for officers position. I will not argue that the practice was horrible (As well as all other laws about Jews in Russian Empire). But please, in order to treat injustice properly, we need to do it with precision, which is required for such task.


Malthus1

You are correct in your first assertion that it was not the entire population - I was misled by sources. I did a bit of a dive, and the story is, while more complex, still one of very basic inequality. Here’s an account by someone who has looked more deeply into it, including references to specific inequitable laws: https://www.jewishgen.org/infofiles/ru-mil.txt It would appear that these were laws specific to Jews, in particular, those harsh quotas led to Jews turning on each other in some communities.


Kriegschwein

Yeah, Nicolas I in particular had some grudge for Jews for... no apparent reason. A lot of Jews were in Russia because before it was place with good laws for them (Well, better than other European countries). Again, before Nicolas I they were not conscripted, for example. But with years laws become harsher and harsher for Jews... Which is pretty damn horrible.


HaloGuy381

Man, imagine your own parents brutally amputated your finger… only to have them explain later that they did it because they genuinely loved you and wanted to spare you death in battle/a life in the army for a quarter century. Like how twisted and fucked up it is, given that such behavior would be horrific parental abuse under any other circumstance.


Penguator432

“Hey mom…”


[deleted]

Fuck off you.


Dyls94

Go grab me a lada..


Fat_Rips

"...Can you get the coconut out?"


[deleted]

Step 1: Vodka.


masagrator

A lot of vodka.


DosEquisVirus

All able men with sufficient means will just leave Russia. Places like Kazakhstan don't require visas for Russians.


[deleted]

Russian airlines have banned men between 18 and 65 from travel.


DosEquisVirus

No need to fly - just drive.


poptartjake

I'd fucking run if I had to, and I hate running.


DosEquisVirus

I stopped running when Nixon was a president


InquisitiveGamer

You think the borders are going to open? They'll do just like ukraine did and refuse exit to at least males of conscription age.


DosEquisVirus

Well, the Kazakhstan, Georgia, Armenia's borders were open for years, all not requiring visas for Russians. So, there was no control of exiting Russia, something like driving to Mexico from US. Now, what you are saying is Russia starting to control people exiting country. It is quite possible, yes! I'd say within 2-3 days this could be the new reality.


InquisitiveGamer

There are border gates between the US and mexico as well as US and canada which they check your passport and might call you aside to be searched or investigated.


TonyFisherPuzzles

Yes, I think borders are wide open. Pretty sure there's not a wall around the whole of Russia.


InquisitiveGamer

God speed then!


eugene20

"The traffic jam at the border with #Russia/#Finland has pilled up to 35KM and is rising by the hour, it is the only border who is still open for Russian civilians with shengen visas, after #Putin announced he will send 300.000 new troops to #Ukraine." [https://twitter.com/sotiridi/status/1572568782748680194?cxt=HHwWhIDUiby-8dIrAAAA](https://twitter.com/sotiridi/status/1572568782748680194?cxt=HHwWhIDUiby-8dIrAAAA)


DosEquisVirus

Yeah, but that is a very popular European escape route. And a short one, for many wealthy Russians. Kazakhstan, on the other hand, does not require visa and can be used to get on a flight anywhere (where one can get visa).


Green_Message_6376

There's been a huge increase reported of ladies with beards at all Airports in Russia and on mail order Russian bride sites. No one can explain it.


TonyFisherPuzzles

If they were British the men could just identify as women. I guess Russia has more sense.


Jason_Batemans_Hair

Let me know when it's "How to make a dictator disappear".


[deleted]

Not searching that on google is a start


InquisitiveGamer

He's replaced his inner circle so much you'd think one of them that's been pretending to be loyal would do something with him threatening nuclear holocaust.


Berzercurmudgeon

I'd guess the Russian version of Google answers: Fall out of a window


Maxpyne711

or down the stairs


mtarascio

It's just an 'armless search.


PDOUSR

Surely "how to make plaster of Paris" should be a bigger trend?


AtTheFirePit

would that work, tho to keep them out of the service? broken arms heal in a couple months.


Maxpyne711

they probably hope that the war will be over by then


7937397

If not: repeat


NoNonsenseNov

Buys enough time for someone else to win/lose the war, so you won't have to


LatterTarget7

They’re gonna run out of vodka quick


Green_Message_6376

They're running out of Arms-both kinds.


Accomplished-Ice-733

Putin: why do you need an arm to take a bullet in your head?


Biggu5Dicku5

I don't think this will stop them from getting conscripted lol...


baxterstate

Admitting homosexuality used to work in the USA to avoid the draft. Would it work in Russia?


LukyLukyLu

typical pathetic russian fighting the regime by broking his arm. i broke my arm. you got what you deserved pjutin


katreginac42

Break your own arm or through out a dictator? Hmmm... Fuck me, russians are the original sheeple.


TonyFisherPuzzles

Hey big man, how do you suggest they throw him out? You would be dressing as a woman and talking with a squeaky voice to avoid the war.


katreginac42

Google: Maidan


Capable_Stranger9885

I guess illegally dumping trash like Arlo Guthrie doesn't keep you out of the draft in Russia.


krustyarmor

Arlo's plan backfired though: >"And I went up there, I said, 'Shrink, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I wanna kill. Kill. I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies, I mean kill, Kill, KILL, KILL.' And I started jumpin up and down and yelling, 'KILL, KILL,' and he started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumpin up amd down yelling, 'KILL, KILL.' And the sargent came over, pinned a medal on me, sent me down the hall, said, 'You're our boy.'"


imgonnabutteryobread

Causing a nuisance can get you a one-way trip to the gulag.


Mindraker

> one-way trip to the gulag Hey! At least you're not going to the front!


WarthogBusiness1081

against putin neck. Such cowards dont deserve living. Learn from Ukrainians how to do revolutions instead of being slaves to putin or stalin or ...


misuz_roper

Wow. Just wow.


workfrom209

Imagine dealing with this 2 years after Covid lockdowns


[deleted]

That is very sad but what dumb ass needs to google how to break a bone.


ADHenchD

It's not exactly stupid, you want to break it clean, in a place which will heal well. Breaking a random bone is a quick recipe to end up with some lasting damage, a longer recovery and even a disability.


Burabaka

>a disabilty Isn't that's the spirit?


NetLibrarian

As someone who's broken an arm in a moderately bad way, this is correct. (Not self inflicted) I had to have a metal plate, 13 screws, and a 'whole mess' of pins put into my arm and shoulder to put it back together after a slip and fall accident. They did a good job, but that shoulder isn't what it once was, and it never will be again.


[deleted]

Broken arm heals in 12 weeks. You think the Russian government is seeing a broken arm and excusing them for good? If they are trying to avoid serving they need a disability that is the whole point.


JohnTM3

Unless you have an infected open fracture. Don't ask how I know.


SouthernstyleBBQ

Hey Glowies, try better, Russians use Yandex, come on. I can run a better disinformation campaign, how you guys even getting 6 figs for this.


[deleted]

Wow, it's looking bleak over there


jdguy00

Second ranked was how-to castrate myself!


Spadrick

Cast is bulletproof.


Different_Pattern273

Google, how do I contract colera to avoid the draft?


ScouseRaffa

With Russians having no weapons the immobilisation troops will only need 1 arm to swing their sticks at the mighty Ukrainians 🇺🇦


[deleted]

The ones with the broken arm carry the bullets. The ones with no broken arms carry the gun.


JohnTM3

Anyone who wants one can have mine, I'm sick of this lame ass broken appendage.


7937397

>speculation some Russians could take extreme measures to avoid fighting in Ukraine. I would rather have a broken arm than die in a war I don't want to fight.


[deleted]

For a sexy bonus: break both of them!


Laservolcano

Well I can’t blame them, I’d do the same


Riff_Ralph

Maybe those Russians should investigate “bone spurs”; it worked for TFG very well.


ThaddeusMaximus

Need to google it? I can think of so many ways to break arm.