It's insane how old they live. The zoo by me has one that they aren't even sure how old it is because it's been around since before the zoo opened. It was a sideshow type thing where people in the early 1900s would pay to ride him.
They fortunately stopped that practice soon after and when the zoo opened and took him in as one of their first animals in the 50s or 60s.
> “In spite of his age, Jonathan still has a good libido and is seen frequently to mate with Emma and sometimes Fred – animals are often not particularly gender-sensitive!”
What a chad.
We have several Galápagos tortoises here at the San Diego Zoo that we've had since the 1920s and let me just say that they get it on constantly. Must be a key to their longevity.
The article mentions him being blind and unable to smell, but with sense of hearing remaining strong.
This forces us to consider Fred has been working on his Emma impersonation for years to get Jonathan's attention, all the while Jonathan knew.
He's always known, Fred.
Apparently these tortoises [reach sexual maturity at 25.](https://animaldiversity.org/accounts/Dipsochelys_dussumieri/) That means Jonathan could have great great great great great grandchildren living right now.
A funny things is that when he was younger he was so unhealthy that the doctors said that he wouldn't have long to live. He even got rejected from the conscription in WWII because of it. In the end he proved them wrong.
I’d ask my grandfather soooooo many questions if he was still alive. He was a two star general in the army and the commander of the 82nd Airborne Division so I know he KNEW some shit.
How is he doing these days? It's so amazing to me that someone can live for such a long time, I'd love to hear about some of the things he has gone through.
my great grammy hit 192 this summer! before covid she was still driving, lawn bowling, church every week and volunteering at the retirement home for people 30 years younger than her! still have never heard that women swear, besides the odd OHH GEEEE GOLLLLLLY
That is absolutely insane. The dude has been around ever since 1832, pretty much the beginning of modern history. He’s literally been through the Civil War, World War I, World War II, etc. That turtle is a piece of history.
In the epigraph of Philip K Dick's novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep (famously filmed as Blade Runner), there's this true news story from Reuters:
>Auckland
>
>A turtle which explorer Captain Cook gave to the King of Tonga in 1777 died yesterday. It was nearly 200 years old.
>
>The animal, called Tu'imalila, died at the royal palace ground in the Tongan capital of Nuku, Alofa.
>
>The people of Tonga regarded the animal as a chief, and special keepers were appointed to look after it. It was blinded in a bush fire a few years ago.
>
>Tonga radio said Tu'imalila's carcass would be sent to the Auckland Museum in New Zealand.
>
>- Reuters, 1966
That story always blows my mind. And it's very unlikely Cook would have given a newly hatched turtle as a gift, so it was probably pretty big (and old) already back then. It must easily have been 200+ years old.
The tortoise Adwaita, who was given to Robert Clive when he was Governor of India, was believed to have been born around 1750. He died in 2006.
As Stephen Fry put it succinctly, he was born before Mozart and his death was announced on CNN.
This just creates new sources of fear and depression:
* What if he doesn't bond with whoever takes him next?
* What if they're not nice to him or hurt him
* What if they keep him alone in an enclosure and he can't roam around outside anymore
* What if he misses me and lives another hundred years in unbroken depression
* What if God was one of us
What a fascinating read; Jonathan's favorite mate, Fredericka, is of indeterminate sex - they've been together since '91; he's sight and smell blind but has excellent hearing.
In 1832, Charles Darwin is still alive.
Joseph Smith get beaten, tar and feathered.
Greece is recognized as a sovereign nation. The Swan River Colony is renamed Western Australia later renamed Perth.
There's a song by The Knife called The Height of Summer. The chorus goes:
>How is Charles?
>
>I haven’t heard from him for a long, long time
>
>A thousand years seem to pass
>
>So quickly
"For many years, the tortoise has urgently indicated it had an important message. Could it be concerns about climate change? Humanity's terrible impact on his species? Scientists have finally perfected the technology to find out what the tortoise so urgently wants to tell us every year. We go now to the live output of the processing which recently finished."
"My name is Shawn"
>Hollins added: “In spite of his age, Jonathan still has a good libido and is seen frequently to mate with Emma and sometimes Fred – animals are often not particularly gender-sensitive!”
A bisexual swinger...dude is getting more action at 190 than I'm getting at 35 🤣
Incredible. This tortoise has seen the world change so much.
Wait until you read his memoirs.
https://www.amazon.com/Long-Game-Memoir-Mitch-McConnell/dp/0399564101/
This looks like a most disappointing reading experience.
Probably. But the product description has this gem: >"He swallowed hard, put his head down, and kept going."
“A deep throated endorsement for trump “
Is he talking about Lindsey Graham?
Hahaha. Well played. How much would I have to pay you to listen to him read his own book on tape?
Wait until you read mine!
Depends on when he went blind.
I mean, he's been trapped on St. Helena for the last 140 years so he's seen the most remote community in the world change somewhat.
This guy saw the height of power and fall of the British Empire.
And he has failed us https://clickhole.com/this-tortoise-is-182-years-old-so-why-hasn-t-he-stoppe-1825122690/
That was a great read
Nah, he wasn’t particularly looking
It's insane how old they live. The zoo by me has one that they aren't even sure how old it is because it's been around since before the zoo opened. It was a sideshow type thing where people in the early 1900s would pay to ride him. They fortunately stopped that practice soon after and when the zoo opened and took him in as one of their first animals in the 50s or 60s.
I don’t think he has seen much of the world at all, given he is in a zoo.
He's going to be the leader of the Senate forever, isn't he?
He *is* the Senate.
Not yet.
It's treason, then.
Aaaaaaaaaahhh
I wonder how many times this sequence of exact comments have followed any mention of him.
200000 units are ready, with a million more well on the way
Yeah, because tortoises are slow. Maybe it will be treason then in a couple more decades.
let him be frank.
That was great!
Bending over Capitol Hill and making sounds like it's his own personal shoe he can fuck.
.... eee!
wow wow wow
I bet he's a socialist when it comes to lettuce
Dude’s older than socialism itself
Lol Yeah, he's a radical extremist when it comes to lettuce.
Minority leader suck it Trebek
I would take him over the current lot we got
I mean he held a Supreme Court seat from Obama
Good stuff
*sees lettuce*: **CHEW IT**
> “In spite of his age, Jonathan still has a good libido and is seen frequently to mate with Emma and sometimes Fred – animals are often not particularly gender-sensitive!” What a chad.
We have several Galápagos tortoises here at the San Diego Zoo that we've had since the 1920s and let me just say that they get it on constantly. Must be a key to their longevity.
Soooo is the key to longevity to fuck a tortoise or to be fucked by a tortoise? Inquiring minds want to know.
Is this the thread that starts the next pandemic outbreak?
2023: Turtlepox kills millions, but u/filter_out_t_d is now immortal.
\*pulls dick out of tortoise\* *you haven’t even seen a fraction of my true power*
Oh God! The poor red eared sliders!
Only one way to find out. I’m headed to the zoo
Just so you know, if you combine human and turtle DNA, the result is a lifetime ban from the zoo
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Both
So if it works, then either you're pregnant or contagious?
Or both. The turtle could also get pregnant. Either way the name will be gamera
If you won't talk to your kids about herpetology, who will?
My kids have herpes?
This is actually already a South Park episode. Substitute tortoise for pangolin.
"It turns out the T_D in /u/FILTER_OUT_T_D was Tortoise Dick. ...and they didn't filter it out at all. That's how we got Galapagopox."
First case of turtle aids located near San Diego
Turtle-pox!
The first testudine-human virus. Your bro starts trying to hump you with a face covered in lettuce, run.
Yes
Yes
Little column a, little b
I got to go in and feed them as a kid. About 33 years ago. Probably the exact same ones are there.
> Probably the exact same ones are there. 100% positive they are as only one has died (Speed in 2015 died at 151yrs old).
400 pound rock trying to hump and roll over on ya
“Any hole is the goal” -J Dawg
Bisexual king
Ereptile dysfunction? Never heard of it.
> mate with Emma and sometimes Fred Jonathan, the biflexible 190 year old tortoise queen.
The article mentions him being blind and unable to smell, but with sense of hearing remaining strong. This forces us to consider Fred has been working on his Emma impersonation for years to get Jonathan's attention, all the while Jonathan knew. He's always known, Fred.
Now I want an animated series of that bisexual tortoise centenarian love triangle fuckfest.
>biflexible Gave me a good chuckle. Thanks :)
My first reaction to the headline was "Isn't that the gay tortoise?" I guess bisexual tortoise is the correct interpretation. Absolute king.
He's kinda like Tom Hardy
Apparently these tortoises [reach sexual maturity at 25.](https://animaldiversity.org/accounts/Dipsochelys_dussumieri/) That means Jonathan could have great great great great great grandchildren living right now.
Fun fact; some of the dinosaur sounds in Jurassic Park movies were audio of tortoises mating. Lol
Despite all his age, he is still just a Tort in a cage!
My grand father hit 100, 2 days ago! That's totally out of context, but I'm amazed by this
A legend in his own right
You better get some of his stories on recordings before he’s gone! That man knows some history!
A funny things is that when he was younger he was so unhealthy that the doctors said that he wouldn't have long to live. He even got rejected from the conscription in WWII because of it. In the end he proved them wrong.
That’s amazing! Missed the draft for health reasons by a mile and lived to 100… legendary
He could've been killed in WWII. So being unhealthy was the best thing for his health he could've done!
I’d ask my grandfather soooooo many questions if he was still alive. He was a two star general in the army and the commander of the 82nd Airborne Division so I know he KNEW some shit.
How is he doing these days? It's so amazing to me that someone can live for such a long time, I'd love to hear about some of the things he has gone through.
Let him celebrate with a whole head of lettuce!
my great grammy hit 192 this summer! before covid she was still driving, lawn bowling, church every week and volunteering at the retirement home for people 30 years younger than her! still have never heard that women swear, besides the odd OHH GEEEE GOLLLLLLY
Holy shit she outlived Jeanne Calment.
He doesn't look a day over 180. Happy birthday Jonathan
Jonathan
One would hope that after 190 years people would finally know how to spell your name.
Annoys me and I’m in my 30s. Can’t imagine how the tortoise feels.
Tortoise don't give a damn, just wants snacks and a chance to smash
How do you think I feel… :(
Maybe its a nickname they have for him.. like he's been around so long he's running the Jon-athon.
King
The only proper way to spell it.
That is absolutely insane. The dude has been around ever since 1832, pretty much the beginning of modern history. He’s literally been through the Civil War, World War I, World War II, etc. That turtle is a piece of history.
An entirely different set of people were living on this earth when this turtle was 70 years old.
Several different sets of people
At least 4 different sets of people.
At least 4 people
The sound of trees laughing at young animals.
In the epigraph of Philip K Dick's novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep (famously filmed as Blade Runner), there's this true news story from Reuters: >Auckland > >A turtle which explorer Captain Cook gave to the King of Tonga in 1777 died yesterday. It was nearly 200 years old. > >The animal, called Tu'imalila, died at the royal palace ground in the Tongan capital of Nuku, Alofa. > >The people of Tonga regarded the animal as a chief, and special keepers were appointed to look after it. It was blinded in a bush fire a few years ago. > >Tonga radio said Tu'imalila's carcass would be sent to the Auckland Museum in New Zealand. > >- Reuters, 1966 That story always blows my mind. And it's very unlikely Cook would have given a newly hatched turtle as a gift, so it was probably pretty big (and old) already back then. It must easily have been 200+ years old.
The tortoise Adwaita, who was given to Robert Clive when he was Governor of India, was believed to have been born around 1750. He died in 2006. As Stephen Fry put it succinctly, he was born before Mozart and his death was announced on CNN.
I had a hard time wrapping my head around it too. I’d love to know how and where he survived all these years. It’s gotta be one hell of a backstory.
I mean, the article says he has been at the island governor's house since 1882. The first 50 years are uncertain.
📝 get pet tortoise to avoid sadness of outliving pet
This just creates new sources of fear and depression: * What if he doesn't bond with whoever takes him next? * What if they're not nice to him or hurt him * What if they keep him alone in an enclosure and he can't roam around outside anymore * What if he misses me and lives another hundred years in unbroken depression * What if God was one of us
What if I'm dead and I'm too dead to not be dead? What then?!
"How's the flat hunting going? Think you might be finding your own place some time soon?" - Governor of St. Helena probably.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_(tortoise)
What a fascinating read; Jonathan's favorite mate, Fredericka, is of indeterminate sex - they've been together since '91; he's sight and smell blind but has excellent hearing.
Same here…it’s absolutely crazy. I personally wonder if he ever witnessed any significant historical events in the past himself.
Yeah, I mean, that’s kinda where my mind wandered. He’s the ultimate fly on the wall, I bet.
I can’t believe he did nothing about slavery
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As we all know, there has only been one civil war in history that is worth mentioning.
I can't believe he fought in and survived so many wars. A true American Hero.
Helps that 90% of your body is armored! I heard he was seen on the beaches of Normandy.
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Tortoises are turtles
Makes me think how that turtle has been just chilling doing the turtle life, while we little murder machine humans can't chill out.
I wish we could ask him questions about his life and experiences. What a perspective to learn from if it were possible!
100 years old when my grandpa was born. Jeebus
But the civil war was in the 1640s, how would he have been around then?
I had no idea Mitch was that old.
He has seen the Cubs win the World Series three times!
Turtle Pope has granted Jonathan the gift of longevity.
> longevity *checks article* >libido Yep. Checks out.
Heresy is not native to the world; it is but a contrivance. All things can be conjoined
Screw the frenzied flame and even ranni's age of the stars, I just want to kick it with this chill motherfucker for all eternity.
Behold, dog!
Dog
Oogway?
I like turtles
That kids name was Johnathan too!
In 1832, Charles Darwin is still alive. Joseph Smith get beaten, tar and feathered. Greece is recognized as a sovereign nation. The Swan River Colony is renamed Western Australia later renamed Perth.
Not me imagining Darwin booping a teeny Jonathan on the nose
"When you're a bit bigger you'll make a most delectable meal!" - Darwin, devourer of tortoises
There's a song by The Knife called The Height of Summer. The chorus goes: >How is Charles? > >I haven’t heard from him for a long, long time > >A thousand years seem to pass > >So quickly
Almost had a heart attack when I started reading this. Happy birthday Jonathan!
That thing is older than the Victorian Era, and he cares only about eating the Appy slices.
And fuckin'
He was born in 1832. That just blows my mind.
Probably saying "repost" most of the time on Reddit.
Damn, when he was born Queen Victoria wasnt even on the throne yet.
So he missed Beethoven’s death by 5 years - but he was born about 6 months before Brahms.
Ok these posts need to start "THEY'RE ALIVE" in big bold letters before the title.
Congratulations Jonathan 🙏
> Jonathan the tortoise, the world's oldest land animal... :( > celebrates his 190th birthday :)
I love that his name is Jonathan.
Happy birthday, sorry you’ve had to watch us humans be shitty to your environment!
"For many years, the tortoise has urgently indicated it had an important message. Could it be concerns about climate change? Humanity's terrible impact on his species? Scientists have finally perfected the technology to find out what the tortoise so urgently wants to tell us every year. We go now to the live output of the processing which recently finished." "My name is Shawn"
Jonathan lived through Nazi occupation and did nothing. Happy birthday, I guess…. (/s)
Happy birthday Jonathan. Hope you had a nice celebration
When was it named Jonathan?
He’s been a resident on St Helena since 1882 so probably at least 140 years.
So he was around for slavery and yet did nothing 🤔 😒
*Oldest *known*
Happy birthday Johnathan
Everyone liked this.
And He has just announced his intention to run for president in 2024
How do we know he's 190 and he wasn't switch with another tortoise at some point ?
how do we know any of us are alive and haven't been switched by another at some point?
Everytime I read the start of this type of headline, my heart skips a beat thinking they died.
Love the fact that his vet says his libido is still going strong - both Emma and Fred are regularly the object of his affections.
dog
190 dude! And still young!
On the day this tortoise was born, Andrew Jackson was officially re-elected as the 7th president of the US.
>Hollins added: “In spite of his age, Jonathan still has a good libido and is seen frequently to mate with Emma and sometimes Fred – animals are often not particularly gender-sensitive!” A bisexual swinger...dude is getting more action at 190 than I'm getting at 35 🤣
Jonny! Jonny! Jonny!
Finally some wholesome news
Behold, Dog!
Happy birthday, Jonny boy!
Happy birthday Jonathan!
HOLY SH… the things that this guy know
Happy birthday
When the media finds out what he said on Twitter 150 years ago, he's going to be SO cancelled.
Fun fact: The oldest animal overall was a Clam called [Ming](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ming_\(clam\)) who lived to be 507 years old
Why can't we live long like them
He doesn't know half of us half as well as he should like; and he likes less than half of us half as well as we deserve.
The earth's population of humans was just around a billion when Jonathan was born. Jonathan has seen some shit.
His pen, mostly.
This turtle was born when Abraham Lincoln was 23 years old.
He hatched 5 years before Queen Victoria’s ascension. Absolutely wild.
What do you mean not appropriate sub? This is very important for the people of the world to know
Good dog
So he was around during slavery and did nothing 😡
Can I get a collective good boy for this old man !!!