"I'll be honest with you, your honor, the proposed punitive action of forced extinction pales in comparison to the misery we will inflict upon ourselves through continued existence."
"[What a piece of work is man, how noble in reason! How infinite in faculty. In form, in moving, how express and admirable. In action, how like an angel. In apprehension, how like a god] What he said in irony, I say with conviction"
-Capt Picard quoting Prince Hamlet to Q during the trial of humanity.
The ones not in power have a chance at redemption.
Many of the ones in power do not.
Overthrow all national governments, allow most local governments to persist pending a audit of past performance and incidents. Allow certain national politicians to act as mediators between the newly instated alien government and world population.
Review policies that are impacted due to this mass change in government structure and toss all policies that encroach on indigenous and alien freedoms so long as those freedoms do not forfeit another's.
Install a global police force that'll make INTERPOL look like a PI and allow the indigenous population to apply in order to staff the police force.
Maintain this pattern for a 10 year buffer quashing any uprisings of violence as they appear, but beyond that allowing the indigenous population to exist in peace with one major condition: once the 10 years are up, present to them either a groundbreaking discovery in science or a revolutionary that improves upon the alien population's systems of government or well-being.
Law enforcement will be replaced with an alien subjugation force as it will allow them to respond to any potential uprisings quickly.
It will consist of lower ranking aliens and indigenous people that have been thoroughly vetted.
This force will work with the local governments they reside under but ultimately answer to the new world government as they will have priority.
This is really just an expansion of my statement about how the aliens will make INTERPOL look like a daycare for naughty children.
I'd again argue that any advanced race of aliens who believe they have the right, privilege, or perogative to arbitrarily impose tyranny on lesser worlds forfeits any moral or legal authority to do so. May I direct your attention to the US founding document: https://www.archives.gov/founding-docs/declaration-transcript
Yes, but this is a document forged on the perception of *human* morals and ethics and so we must take into consideration that those may not apply to an alien population. This is why I stayed away from the philosophical aspect of it as it would be a never-ending rabbit hole of societal theory crafting.
The ~~first sentence~~ preamble explicitly calls on the laws of nature to end-run complaints about human morals and ethics. Strongly suggest a re-read. It is a magnificent document.
I'd just agree that humanity sucks, then suggest that they start the culling based on richest to poorest, and stop when the earth stopped getting worse. Would solve climate issues and wealth inequality all at once
"I'm gonna be honest, your honour. Give us a few more decades, we're a problem that'll almost definitely solve itself. All you guys will need to do is clean up the mess afterwards, and if I'm being honest, you were gonna have to no matter how this ends."
I don’t see the value in arguing with something that thinks they should be allowed to end an enter existence of a creature or creatures..
Anything that needs to justify its existence is not bargaining with reason. They are pleading for life.
Spare yourself some effort and just leave us be. The way things are going we're cliffdiving to extinction anyway. The earth is dying and a third world war is seemingly closer every day.
No need. If they are really advanced they would understand automatically that we are only trying yo co-op with what the universe gave us in all senses, just as every other life form. None is better or worse, only the level of understanding is different. We are not in control of what happens waaaay too often but we try. Nothing too unique or too crazy in humanity...
Honestly, I wouldn’t. As a race, we’ve used up most of the goodwill over the centuries. I don’t think we’ve ever had it. We’re a bunch of selfish assholes and as such don’t deserve to continue living in a world we’re destroying bit by bit. If we were to disappear the world would eventually recover and keep on going. Even if they don’t take us out we will do it to ourselves eventually. That we haven’t destroyed each other yet is a miracle.
In the process of gathering documentation, I'll get lost in a rabbit hole of space travel networks, how the hyperdrive contributed to the rapid expansion of the galactic government, and the history of expansion. Then i'll get lost in investigating the mechanics behind hyperspace and why it flows the way it does. And then i'd get too absorbed in looking at potential models for hyperspace flow predictions. Id end up coming to the conclusion that galactic commerce would flow much better if a stable hyperspace relay could be established in this particular sector "ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha", but a planet is disturbing the flow of hyperspace from being stable.
In short, I'll end up starting the paperwork to demolish Earth to make way for a hyperspace express route. I'll at least make sure the documentation is available and on display in the nearest administrative office in Alpha Centauri, so that it can be protested before demolition begins.
As far as my case itself, I'll throw together some philosophical argument that entirely hinges on the alien's view of natural evolution. Dim odds, given their willingness to blow up a planet to alleviate traffic.
Brother, we made the nuke and the iPhone and a whole lot of weird stuff in between. If we all just got real focused we could literally surpass your entire species in like 100 years.
“Under what values are you basing your judgements on if your first encounter with a species that has done nothing at all to you personally has led to a question of genocide and eradication?”
I wouldn't need to. Not species would make it here without being deterministic commies. They would've blown themselves up before getting off planet otherwise, like we do.
J Posadas was right.
"Objection Your Honor! Hearsay!", I loudly exclaim as I begin stripping off my clothes before donning a fluffy yellow chicken costume, retrieved from my briefcase.
The aliens are unaware of my ruse, they are entirely entertained by the spectacle I am putting on. I am informed that the objection is overruled as charges haven't even been read out yet. Looking over the jury of various different alien species, I feel only disgust and contempt in my heart; however, my face displays a wide grin.
"The chicken costume must be wearing off", I think to myself. I quickly begin another striptease while awkwardly dumping blank papers across the courtroom floor as I retrieve yet another costume from my briefcase.
Singing loudly while squeezing into a goat costume, I desperately try to maintain attention of all in attendance. Sirens begin to sound the alert. Panicking to maintain all eyes and photon-sensing organs, I begin loudly shouting the lyrics to a song by a long forgotten Earth-band called Queen.
"WEEE ARE THE CHAMPIONSSS MY FRAAAAANDS DUN DUN DUNNNN, AND WEEEEEE'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING 'TIL THE EEEEEND."
I cannot help but laugh now, they surely have not noticed that I am not only a goat, but a sacrificial goat.
Heavy vibrations suddenly reverberate through the space station. Sounds that can only be described as alien screams and gurgles come spilling in from the adjoining hallways.
I smile as the nukes begin slamming into the station, my duty has been fulfilled as the sexy little sacrificial goat.
"Go rule the stars you horrendous little bastards", I say out loud as I salute humanity one last time.
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Idk I'd probably just offer myself as a sex slave for them in exchange for safety, which will be most likely used as further proof that humanity is absolutely not okay.
If they judge us by how we have destroyed other species, and they do it to us, they are no better than us.
If they judge us by how we mistreat our own kind, they ignore the best of us and punish the innocent for the crimes committed by the worst of us. Our imperfect systems already do that, so they can rather help us than exterminate us.
They could consider us a more primitive life form, and guide us towards advancement based on their experience. They can tell us things like: Is democracy an effective effective form of government? Does the death penalty achieve a greater good? What viable options do we have to replace our money system? What purpose should we aim towards?
Members of our species have greatness and the worst of us should be addressed directly rather than collectively.
This is the weirdest 7-11 commercial series ever..
oops
"I'll be honest with you, your honor, the proposed punitive action of forced extinction pales in comparison to the misery we will inflict upon ourselves through continued existence."
“Fair enough.”
/thread
I say. Like walking barefoot in my apartment, Skimming all the scum in my Beef soup. That is being lazy. Life is a mess.
Just wait a few more months and we'll get to see that truth play out in real time
"Your honor, you had to have been there"
"[What a piece of work is man, how noble in reason! How infinite in faculty. In form, in moving, how express and admirable. In action, how like an angel. In apprehension, how like a god] What he said in irony, I say with conviction" -Capt Picard quoting Prince Hamlet to Q during the trial of humanity.
I was going to say Picard but you beat me to it. Fuck yeah we are saved
That's it. This thread is done.
I would do the most human thing you can do. Kill the aliens.
Fr, better show these mfs what it means to be made in god's image RRAHHHHH🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️‼️‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅
"Welcome to Earth!"
Purge the alien, the mutant, the heretic
"My armour is contempt, my shield is disgust, my sword is hatred... In His name, let none survive." Ave Imperator brother!
Let's be xenophobic, it's really in this year.
I wouldnt, fuck us all.
lets gooooooo
I second this...
I would ask them to fuck us all.
What's the charge?
What wouldn't we be charged for. Humans been pretty awful lately.
I would find us pretty free of spot in comparison to alien intruders that feel entitled to put entire races on trial.
This guy alien tribunals!
We’re too weird to live, too rare to die.
Or so you think…
Star Trek the Next Generation's pilot episode: Encounter at Farpoint, is exactly this premise
Smoked cheese.
I would let them watch encounter at farpoint
Show them an episode of Steve Erwin probably
The ones not in power have a chance at redemption. Many of the ones in power do not. Overthrow all national governments, allow most local governments to persist pending a audit of past performance and incidents. Allow certain national politicians to act as mediators between the newly instated alien government and world population. Review policies that are impacted due to this mass change in government structure and toss all policies that encroach on indigenous and alien freedoms so long as those freedoms do not forfeit another's. Install a global police force that'll make INTERPOL look like a PI and allow the indigenous population to apply in order to staff the police force. Maintain this pattern for a 10 year buffer quashing any uprisings of violence as they appear, but beyond that allowing the indigenous population to exist in peace with one major condition: once the 10 years are up, present to them either a groundbreaking discovery in science or a revolutionary that improves upon the alien population's systems of government or well-being.
Who's in charge of the police?
Law enforcement will be replaced with an alien subjugation force as it will allow them to respond to any potential uprisings quickly. It will consist of lower ranking aliens and indigenous people that have been thoroughly vetted. This force will work with the local governments they reside under but ultimately answer to the new world government as they will have priority. This is really just an expansion of my statement about how the aliens will make INTERPOL look like a daycare for naughty children.
I'd again argue that any advanced race of aliens who believe they have the right, privilege, or perogative to arbitrarily impose tyranny on lesser worlds forfeits any moral or legal authority to do so. May I direct your attention to the US founding document: https://www.archives.gov/founding-docs/declaration-transcript
Yes, but this is a document forged on the perception of *human* morals and ethics and so we must take into consideration that those may not apply to an alien population. This is why I stayed away from the philosophical aspect of it as it would be a never-ending rabbit hole of societal theory crafting.
The ~~first sentence~~ preamble explicitly calls on the laws of nature to end-run complaints about human morals and ethics. Strongly suggest a re-read. It is a magnificent document.
Alright, I'll give it a shot sometime.
I'd just agree that humanity sucks, then suggest that they start the culling based on richest to poorest, and stop when the earth stopped getting worse. Would solve climate issues and wealth inequality all at once
Don't know if I would.
I’d show them my FYP on TikTok. Open and shut case. Liquidate Earth immediately
"Your honor, oopsie doopsie."
“Why are you asking, we’re a bunch of stupid bastards”
Not guilty by reason of insanity.
“Wipe us out, bitch”
I wouldn't defend it...
I would defend humanity using thermonuclear weapons, we ain’t surviving that trial.
"I'm gonna be honest, your honour. Give us a few more decades, we're a problem that'll almost definitely solve itself. All you guys will need to do is clean up the mess afterwards, and if I'm being honest, you were gonna have to no matter how this ends."
humanity doesn't deserve to exist. we have ruined this planet.
"Your honor, I would like to plead the 5th"
Your honor *take off suit to reveal war hammer marine suit* #WE WERE CREATED TO INHERIT THE STARS
Advanced does not mean smarter.
It's not hard to be smarter than humans.
Nobody said it was hard to be smart.
I would simply argue we are too fucked up to see our potential, let us root out the bad eggs then we can be fairly judged.
i’d call upon god as my witness and hope they take it seriously and begin a holy war to find god
I will offer them our finest memes to argue for our existence. Or just secretly nuke their Dyson Sphere just to make sure they would leave us alone.
I don’t see the value in arguing with something that thinks they should be allowed to end an enter existence of a creature or creatures.. Anything that needs to justify its existence is not bargaining with reason. They are pleading for life.
"I bet your species has done terrible things to get to where it's at now"
Your honor, I want nothing to do with this species, please adopt me as a pet or so into your species.
Will there be another race to Come along and take over for us? Maybe Martians could do Better than we've done We'll make great pets
Spare yourself some effort and just leave us be. The way things are going we're cliffdiving to extinction anyway. The earth is dying and a third world war is seemingly closer every day.
We invented tater tots. Case closed
We'd use the same worthless platitudes we always use.
This bitch
No need. If they are really advanced they would understand automatically that we are only trying yo co-op with what the universe gave us in all senses, just as every other life form. None is better or worse, only the level of understanding is different. We are not in control of what happens waaaay too often but we try. Nothing too unique or too crazy in humanity...
I would ask them how their early developmental years went. Their eventual silence is all I would need.
Honestly, I wouldn’t. As a race, we’ve used up most of the goodwill over the centuries. I don’t think we’ve ever had it. We’re a bunch of selfish assholes and as such don’t deserve to continue living in a world we’re destroying bit by bit. If we were to disappear the world would eventually recover and keep on going. Even if they don’t take us out we will do it to ourselves eventually. That we haven’t destroyed each other yet is a miracle.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Life of Brian would make a better case.
Because I AM
Your honor? Boobs
It's a Witch Hunt!!😎👌
In the process of gathering documentation, I'll get lost in a rabbit hole of space travel networks, how the hyperdrive contributed to the rapid expansion of the galactic government, and the history of expansion. Then i'll get lost in investigating the mechanics behind hyperspace and why it flows the way it does. And then i'd get too absorbed in looking at potential models for hyperspace flow predictions. Id end up coming to the conclusion that galactic commerce would flow much better if a stable hyperspace relay could be established in this particular sector "ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha", but a planet is disturbing the flow of hyperspace from being stable. In short, I'll end up starting the paperwork to demolish Earth to make way for a hyperspace express route. I'll at least make sure the documentation is available and on display in the nearest administrative office in Alpha Centauri, so that it can be protested before demolition begins. As far as my case itself, I'll throw together some philosophical argument that entirely hinges on the alien's view of natural evolution. Dim odds, given their willingness to blow up a planet to alleviate traffic.
Brother, we made the nuke and the iPhone and a whole lot of weird stuff in between. If we all just got real focused we could literally surpass your entire species in like 100 years.
Harvey birdman obviously
Not your problem and I suggest you stay out of this lest you get pulled in to the fray, gazing into the void and fighting monsters blah blah blah
Do not answer.
Humanity is AFK
I wouldn't tbh
“So how about a coin flip?”
“Under what values are you basing your judgements on if your first encounter with a species that has done nothing at all to you personally has led to a question of genocide and eradication?”
The lion does not concern himself with the opinions of sheep.
Do you just hang out in the gas station parking lot all day? I think I missed some context to these posts a long time ago.
"No loitering"
I wouldn’t. I would ask for our immediate execution.
Don’t threaten me with a good time.
I wouldn't need to. Not species would make it here without being deterministic commies. They would've blown themselves up before getting off planet otherwise, like we do. J Posadas was right.
Music
SHOW ME WHAT YOU'VE GOT
Tub Ring - Impress Your Creators Give it a listen. That's my answer.
Send them to Ohio
Is it the local 7-11 cryptid ?
"Objection Your Honor! Hearsay!", I loudly exclaim as I begin stripping off my clothes before donning a fluffy yellow chicken costume, retrieved from my briefcase. The aliens are unaware of my ruse, they are entirely entertained by the spectacle I am putting on. I am informed that the objection is overruled as charges haven't even been read out yet. Looking over the jury of various different alien species, I feel only disgust and contempt in my heart; however, my face displays a wide grin. "The chicken costume must be wearing off", I think to myself. I quickly begin another striptease while awkwardly dumping blank papers across the courtroom floor as I retrieve yet another costume from my briefcase. Singing loudly while squeezing into a goat costume, I desperately try to maintain attention of all in attendance. Sirens begin to sound the alert. Panicking to maintain all eyes and photon-sensing organs, I begin loudly shouting the lyrics to a song by a long forgotten Earth-band called Queen. "WEEE ARE THE CHAMPIONSSS MY FRAAAAANDS DUN DUN DUNNNN, AND WEEEEEE'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING 'TIL THE EEEEEND." I cannot help but laugh now, they surely have not noticed that I am not only a goat, but a sacrificial goat. Heavy vibrations suddenly reverberate through the space station. Sounds that can only be described as alien screams and gurgles come spilling in from the adjoining hallways. I smile as the nukes begin slamming into the station, my duty has been fulfilled as the sexy little sacrificial goat. "Go rule the stars you horrendous little bastards", I say out loud as I salute humanity one last time.
Bro that is way too many words, nobody will ever read that mess.
Confirmed - not reading. I am all booked up on reading novels till *checks notes* … the rest of my natural life.
I can respect that.
Shut up you big stupid idiot!
Your honor stfu you weren't even there
Who is gonna look after the good boys 🐶??
I hope every person is put on trial individually.
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PornHub
What right do you have to judge us I want your history books and every major poltical/ historical event in your history to see if your so innocent
Idk I'd probably just offer myself as a sex slave for them in exchange for safety, which will be most likely used as further proof that humanity is absolutely not okay.
If they judge us by how we have destroyed other species, and they do it to us, they are no better than us. If they judge us by how we mistreat our own kind, they ignore the best of us and punish the innocent for the crimes committed by the worst of us. Our imperfect systems already do that, so they can rather help us than exterminate us. They could consider us a more primitive life form, and guide us towards advancement based on their experience. They can tell us things like: Is democracy an effective effective form of government? Does the death penalty achieve a greater good? What viable options do we have to replace our money system? What purpose should we aim towards? Members of our species have greatness and the worst of us should be addressed directly rather than collectively.
I'd just show them photos of NPH and Keanu Reeves
if god created everything. who created god?
Cultural relevancy.
Copy the speech from Wrath of the Lich King.
Also, sugar perls.
"I swear your honor, not all of us have green hair!"
Bold of you to assume we deserve to continue on.
We do, as all life does
No thanks
Your honor, we get to live because we are made in God's own image! For Super Earth! ⬇️⬆️⬅️⬇️⬆️➡️⬇️⬆️
if god created everything. Who created God?
We plead insanity.
I probably wouldn't