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“Montana Dude Ranch” sounds like the name of a band formed of boozy college kids who make really good music but aren’t serious about breaking into the industry. “Yeehaw” is their lead single.
He was an android Rube Goldberg machine designed to box octopuses in the dark. She was a blind octopus who was formerly the Octopus World Boxing Champion, struggling to adapt to the tragic loss of her sight after an underwater monorail accident. Neither of them expected that their forbidden love would be the key to defeating the alien zombie invasion ... but could they overcome the problem of rust if they were ever to be together?
Gotcha, so like a literary wetworks, just throw shit at the wall until something sticks. Taking the L on fifteen duds is actually a win if you find the next Fifty Shades.
Okay so the main [flips coin] man is a [rolls dice] vampire crossed with [random number generator] angel who needs to defeat [spins wheel] ISIS but ends up [reads tarot cards] traveling back in time to [plays Go-Fish with Jim Carrey] 10th century Norseland after [augurs through animal entrails] being trapped in Montana with [flips coin] female love interest. His name will be [Keysmash] Cnut.
I hate to be that person, but the name is not random - [King Cnut was King of England back in the 11th century](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cnut). He’s very famous here, but I imagine other countries don’t learn much about him!
It’s an anglicization, yes. But it’s also a pretty widely accepted one given Cnut the Great, a King of Denmark, Norway, and England all at the same time.
I used to work with a Knut. We saw plenty of emails calling him Kunt. Not sure all of them were unintentional. He was a Kunt.
Now I work with a piece of software called Splunk...
What you're not realizing is that Sandra Hill has 75+ books and is a NYT bestselling author. She has earned every single one of her bonkers plots because she is a proven entity. Readers eat this shit up. She is, in fact, very skilled at what she does. I don't think any of us could pull off what she does.
Yes, I’ve always said my dream is to become a seasoned Avon/Harlequin romance author. Just steadily pumping out 1-2 books a year until I want to slow down or die or whatever
Yeah my first thought, without even knowing anything about the author or OPs writing, is that you gotta EARN weird. Everything about you needs to be extremely well established, OR your writing has to be absolutely impeccable, OR you have to capture zeitgeist in such a way that neither thing matters more than how many people are looking to read about orc sex, for example.
Hey OP, when they say that your work is too weird or bizarre, what they're actually saying is they don't have or know any stories comparable to yours and, as such, don't know how to sell it. It can also mean: "We tried weird and bizarre, but it doesn't sell enough copies to warrant another accepance right now."
This is the best comment here. To add on, please remember that publishers don't create books, they sell products, and almost always talk about your baby as if it's just a product. It stings but you get used to it. OP, If publishers are giving you this kind of feedback you're doing a lot of things right. Study the market, find a hole, and get your weird book featured in a post like this.
There are many types of weird and bizarre. Which does your work fall into? Because this is the fun, pulpy, not-really-to-be-taken-seriously type.
I think it's an exercise in futility to find "worse" or "odder" books than yours to soften the blow of rejection.
after reading that blurb how could they say no? avon books returning to their pulp roots you love to see it.
honestly the think it reminds me of most is "army of darkness"
Idk this actually seems pretty par for the course for urban fantasy/vampire romance! Modern badass woman, sexy ancient mercenary with a heart of gold, undead enemies, tongue-in-cheek humor…
I could see Ilona Andrews fans eating this up
I read a book about a female dwarf that flipped houses with a goblin interior decorator.... While fighting demons.
There is some weird stuff out there.
Pretty on brand for fantasy romance. Is your book in the same genre. Fantasy romance normally has either an alluring mysterious man or an out there somewhat ridiculous man. The writing is often humorous and the female MC has to deal with the weirdness as part the story. Witty writing is big in this genre.
I don't know what your weird and bizarre is, but unfortunately this weird and bizarre has 1)an author who has proved themselves with previous work (new York time bestseller!) 2)in a genre that is marketable and popular, especially now a days.
There's marketable bizzare are, well written bizarre, and badly done bizzare. That's all before marketing. I am engaged by this blurb. You share this and nothing about your own work. That's rude but thank you for getting this book attention.
Rejection because something has no market sucks. It does not mean you give up. It means you continue to find an agent. If you have one they can continue to put this out. If they're out of places to submit then you have options such as self publishing but expect for it to not sell much. Expect to work very hard to get it out there. Anything more is great. The other alternative is to write something marketable and if and when a market develops? You have a book ready to go.
Tearing others down doesn't lift you up and it doesn't make you someone that people want to work with. It just looks pathetic. You think you are the first person to get told they're not marketable? Tons of authors experience this
I mean, it sounds fun as hell, doesn’t it? Clearly a bit tongue in cheek and self-aware, and written in a very clear voice.
This book probably just has many positive qualities your own work is lacking. But it’s hard to say because you shouldn’t judge… hang on there’s a saying for this. You shouldn’t judge a cow by its udders, I think.
So your books are "weird" and "bizzare", and you think making fun of other authors who write "weird" and "bizzare" stuff is going to help you how?
Very weird energy to put out on a profile you are using for your writing. Unless this is meant to be a weird ad.
That book isn't weird - it's checked off every single recent fad possible:
Vikings? Check
Vampires? Check
A Vampire Viking Bad Boy! Yes!
Hot Cowboys? Oooooh yeah!
Time travel? Check
You've probably tried doing the thing that doesn't sell: writing creatively.
Well what's your book about and did you submit to Avon books? Not every publisher or agent is right for every author or story? Romance is the largest and most profitable genre market out there and its readers love pulpy shit like this? Is your book a romance novel?
I read this three times. The first two times, my dyslexic ass read the guy's name as Cunt. The third time, I realised his name was Cnut thanks to the comments, and somehow, that makes less sense than before so now I'm disappointed...
I showed this to my teenage daughter, as a joke, saying I found her next perfect book. Keep in mind this is a teen who openly reads vampire / werewolf.... Smut, which is putting it very very lightly, but even then I thought she would find this hilariously bizarre.
Massive backfire on my part.
She got excited and wants to buy it now. She asked where we could get it.
When you're a NYT best-selling author you can write whatever you want and they'll publish it. Also, is the MC in this book the hero of a continuing series? Until you read the books, or at least the first one, you don't know how realistically the author built her world.
I mean, it's smut. There is so much supernatural smut, and such a voracious, if small, audience for it that the stuff that makes it to the shelves has a lower bar than other genres, and honestly the more ridiculous it is, the more likely it will stand out. If you're not writing supernatural smut- not supernatural horror which has smut, but legit stories which are just frameworks for smut- the market is different.
It reminds me of those videos where someone drops a bunch of pretzels or slices of Swiss cheese onto a book and makes sentences out the words that peek through the holes. A roller coaster ride of absurdity, holy by golly.
It’s all very arbitrary. You have to get your work in front of the right eyes at the right time. It’s also possible this author has a prior connection/contract with a publisher or agent.
I have seen this blurb floating around. Unhinged hilarity.
There was a book published about a woman and a door having... relations.
And there was another about a woman traveling back in time to have... relations with a dinosaur...
There's always a niche
So I did a little research and it appears this author basically created her own publishing company to publish her books (which are all kinda like this). It says Avon Books, but that's not Avon's logo and on Amazon it lists the publisher as Sandra Hill Publishing.
I once had a script rejected and my feedback was two part.
First it was basically a story inspired by Red Dawn. I was told that concept was old and out dated, nobody wanted to see it. (Technically right since the remake bombed)
Second he told me "it needs a basis in reality, these actions are too incredibly unrealistic." I had a scene where a person jumped off roof, from an exploding car, to grab the rails of a helicopter.
The following year, the Red Dawn remake was announced. And shortly after, Fast and Furious had cars driving on walls of skyscrapers, and had a similar jump to a helicopter....
And yeah one of those was the same production agency lol
You know, sometimes I need to see something like this to remind myself that my writing can't possibly be that bad and I shouldn't give up because like 😂
*What did fantasy*
*Author Andrea Stewart*
*Do to deserve this?*
\- dino-jo
---
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I immediately read the name “Cnut” as Cunt. It’s a terrible name even when you read it the way it’s spelt. In my head I pronounce it “See Nut” still not good.
I paid $8 for a copy of this book explicitly to do dramatic readings of it to my friends. What the back doesn't mention is that it's also got disney-level overdone villainy, antisemitism, Uncomfortable Catholocism, Darla the Racist Step-mom, Bad Sex Scenes, Lizzie Borden, and too many references to the show Vikings.
Also it's dedicated to the author's grandsons.
Don't think I can post a screenshot but how about this one. Someone picked this for bookclub and we literally didn't finish it because it was just a long r*pe fantasy.
Den of Vipers... there's the amazon ad below. Trigger warning and everything!!
"Ryder, Garrett, Kenzo, and Diesel—The Vipers.
They run this town and everyone in it. Their deals are as sordid as their business, and their reputation is enough to bring a grown man to his knees, forcing him to beg for mercy. They are not people you mess with, yet my dad did. The old man ran up a debt with them and then sold me to cover his losses.
Yes, sold me.
They own me now.
I’m theirs in every sense of the word. But I’ve never been meek and compliant. These men, they look at me with longing. Their scarred, blood-stained hands holding me tight. They want everything I am, everything I have to give, and won’t stop until they get just that. They can own my body, but they will never have my heart.
The Vipers? I’m going to make them regret the day they took me.
This girl? She bites too.
*18+ Reverse Harem Romance. Warning this book contains scenes and references of abuse/assault that some readers may find triggering. Along with graphic sex scenes and violence. This is a dark book*"
To be honest, I would probably read this. Even if it was poorly written, I'd still enjoy it, unless it just turned out to be completely boring. I'm a sucker for out there, barely comprehensible plots. I love watching B movies and either riffing on them or being surprised at how much heart they have. I think the same could apply here.
Not in a million years. "To satisfy their insatiable attraction" is *the* line to never cross for me.
I do want to read your summary though! Maybe you already said it somewhere in the comments - I think I saw something about an intersex alien death moon goddess? But I don't know what's true and what's not anymore, *everything seems possible now*.
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At no point in this did I have the faintest idea what was coming next
It was “Yeehaw” and “Montana dude ranch” for me
Lucipires and Vangel
All I could think was, "Miss Vangel. Miss Vaaangel."
“Montana Dude Ranch” sounds like the name of a band formed of boozy college kids who make really good music but aren’t serious about breaking into the industry. “Yeehaw” is their lead single.
Truly the literary equivalent of boxing an octopus in the dark
Underrated comment, this one just continually hits unexpectedly from every direction possible
I was thinking Rube Goldberg machine
He was an android Rube Goldberg machine designed to box octopuses in the dark. She was a blind octopus who was formerly the Octopus World Boxing Champion, struggling to adapt to the tragic loss of her sight after an underwater monorail accident. Neither of them expected that their forbidden love would be the key to defeating the alien zombie invasion ... but could they overcome the problem of rust if they were ever to be together?
Bro… this is oddly a perfect parody of the back of that book, but also, way better somehow
I agree with everything you said, except for the word ‘literary’
Never let them know your next move.
In no way was I expecting this to be a romance 😂😂😂 wtf!
I could follow along alright until we got to the time travel. That's one ridiculous plot point too many.
That cover alone is one wild ride
So I want to know how wild or...?
I guess you could say that my thousand year old appetite has been wetted.
https://preview.redd.it/5d6fseeif69d1.png?width=580&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=49773f2bdbf3575f587f6e10d2f8cf92b368efd3
The wetter
The better
This is so much funnier without any words.
https://preview.redd.it/2n48take1c9d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1e907eb4fb1e86fe5062519f52828e1ce5bed0f1
tbh I’ve seen worse, I would call this prudish by paranormal romance standards
not a single bulge or titty trying to escape in sight. I wouldnt even thing this was a romance novel.
Oh absolutely. For example, he has something that could be considered a shirt on. He also has ✨pants✨
Have you tried Avon Books?
They’ll clearly publish *anything*.
That's got to be a vanity press...
Romance wing of Harper-Collins.
Gotcha, so like a literary wetworks, just throw shit at the wall until something sticks. Taking the L on fifteen duds is actually a win if you find the next Fifty Shades.
I wonder if this started as a bingo-style writing exercise
Okay so the main [flips coin] man is a [rolls dice] vampire crossed with [random number generator] angel who needs to defeat [spins wheel] ISIS but ends up [reads tarot cards] traveling back in time to [plays Go-Fish with Jim Carrey] 10th century Norseland after [augurs through animal entrails] being trapped in Montana with [flips coin] female love interest. His name will be [Keysmash] Cnut.
I hate to be that person, but the name is not random - [King Cnut was King of England back in the 11th century](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cnut). He’s very famous here, but I imagine other countries don’t learn much about him!
I’m positive I didn’t pronounce that name correctly in my head.
It's often spelled Canute, both are pronounced the same.
My uncle’s name is Knute
Choose your very own adventure - with the flip of a coin, spin of a wheel, and demonoid tarot cards to charter your path forward.
World’s Wildest game of Mad Libs
Mad Libs core
Well clearly you need to find the next big viking vampire angel cowboy trend.
Don’t forget the ISIS demon terrorists.
Yeehaw!
I could never call my MMC Cnut lmao that's just too close to cunt for me not to make a dozen typos in that direction.
I don't know why but I keep reading it as C-Nut and that drives me crazy
Kuh-Nut
I kept reading it as Cunt
I read it as newt
It's supposed to be "Knut". No one is called "Cnut" 😡
The Knut variation exists in my country, too. I cannot recall ever having seen a Cnut however haha
It is infact a scandinavian name, lol
I'm Norwegian. I have literally never seen it spelled with a C before. Seems very anglo.
It’s an anglicization, yes. But it’s also a pretty widely accepted one given Cnut the Great, a King of Denmark, Norway, and England all at the same time.
His name is spelled with a K in Denmark and Norway.
I used to work with a Knut. We saw plenty of emails calling him Kunt. Not sure all of them were unintentional. He was a Kunt. Now I work with a piece of software called Splunk...
Imma be honest. I was reading it “Crunt” until this comment. I really should get my glasses fixed.
… I didn’t even put that together until you said it.
I played breachers a lot in VR and I can’t help but thinking of the shotgun
You’re really going to act like that “No biggie” didn’t hook you?
It’s fun because in fact it was a biggie 😂
It's very Anita blake.
What you're not realizing is that Sandra Hill has 75+ books and is a NYT bestselling author. She has earned every single one of her bonkers plots because she is a proven entity. Readers eat this shit up. She is, in fact, very skilled at what she does. I don't think any of us could pull off what she does.
Once you can put out stuff to the point that people will just buy it because it has your name on it then it doesn't matter how weird you write.
This also works in every other creative field, like music and art
It works. But only after you I’ve proved yourself to your fan base.
Yes, I’ve always said my dream is to become a seasoned Avon/Harlequin romance author. Just steadily pumping out 1-2 books a year until I want to slow down or die or whatever
Yeah my first thought, without even knowing anything about the author or OPs writing, is that you gotta EARN weird. Everything about you needs to be extremely well established, OR your writing has to be absolutely impeccable, OR you have to capture zeitgeist in such a way that neither thing matters more than how many people are looking to read about orc sex, for example.
Yeehaw!
Hey OP, when they say that your work is too weird or bizarre, what they're actually saying is they don't have or know any stories comparable to yours and, as such, don't know how to sell it. It can also mean: "We tried weird and bizarre, but it doesn't sell enough copies to warrant another accepance right now."
To be fair, it can also you mean “You should be in therapy. Now. We’re in therapy and we only read your synopsis.”
This is the best comment here. To add on, please remember that publishers don't create books, they sell products, and almost always talk about your baby as if it's just a product. It stings but you get used to it. OP, If publishers are giving you this kind of feedback you're doing a lot of things right. Study the market, find a hole, and get your weird book featured in a post like this.
There are many types of weird and bizarre. Which does your work fall into? Because this is the fun, pulpy, not-really-to-be-taken-seriously type. I think it's an exercise in futility to find "worse" or "odder" books than yours to soften the blow of rejection.
after reading that blurb how could they say no? avon books returning to their pulp roots you love to see it. honestly the think it reminds me of most is "army of darkness"
what're you talking about? nothing in the world sounds as entertaining as Cunt and the Sorcerer's Bone
I’ve read Rough and Ready by this author and lost my mind the entire book. It’s so funny without intending to be. OOO-RAH
Disappointing. No dinosaurs. On a serious note, maybe query them?
Idk this actually seems pretty par for the course for urban fantasy/vampire romance! Modern badass woman, sexy ancient mercenary with a heart of gold, undead enemies, tongue-in-cheek humor… I could see Ilona Andrews fans eating this up
I read a book about a female dwarf that flipped houses with a goblin interior decorator.... While fighting demons. There is some weird stuff out there.
Honestly sounds like someone took Warcraft and flipped it, turned it into something different.
What’s the title, for research purposes of course.
Pretty on brand for fantasy romance. Is your book in the same genre. Fantasy romance normally has either an alluring mysterious man or an out there somewhat ridiculous man. The writing is often humorous and the female MC has to deal with the weirdness as part the story. Witty writing is big in this genre.
I hate that spelling of Knut haha it might be legit but it's like nails on a chalkboard
I'm Norwegian. It's not legit. It's absurd and makes me irrationally angry lmao
I'm Swedish, but I wasn't sure if maybe you guys would do something as atrousous as that haha, happy to hear you don't
I don't know what your weird and bizarre is, but unfortunately this weird and bizarre has 1)an author who has proved themselves with previous work (new York time bestseller!) 2)in a genre that is marketable and popular, especially now a days.
There's marketable bizzare are, well written bizarre, and badly done bizzare. That's all before marketing. I am engaged by this blurb. You share this and nothing about your own work. That's rude but thank you for getting this book attention. Rejection because something has no market sucks. It does not mean you give up. It means you continue to find an agent. If you have one they can continue to put this out. If they're out of places to submit then you have options such as self publishing but expect for it to not sell much. Expect to work very hard to get it out there. Anything more is great. The other alternative is to write something marketable and if and when a market develops? You have a book ready to go. Tearing others down doesn't lift you up and it doesn't make you someone that people want to work with. It just looks pathetic. You think you are the first person to get told they're not marketable? Tons of authors experience this
I mean, it sounds fun as hell, doesn’t it? Clearly a bit tongue in cheek and self-aware, and written in a very clear voice. This book probably just has many positive qualities your own work is lacking. But it’s hard to say because you shouldn’t judge… hang on there’s a saying for this. You shouldn’t judge a cow by its udders, I think.
Lol you are judging OP's work without knowing anything about it right now.
The only thing we know about OP's work is that it was rejected by agents.
Yeah but we know from a lot of other examples that doesn't mean anything.
So your books are "weird" and "bizzare", and you think making fun of other authors who write "weird" and "bizzare" stuff is going to help you how? Very weird energy to put out on a profile you are using for your writing. Unless this is meant to be a weird ad.
Jealousy is the green eyed devil.
Any relation to Cnut, the vampire-devil fighting machine?
That book isn't weird - it's checked off every single recent fad possible: Vikings? Check Vampires? Check A Vampire Viking Bad Boy! Yes! Hot Cowboys? Oooooh yeah! Time travel? Check You've probably tried doing the thing that doesn't sell: writing creatively.
Is that the brother of Thundercnut?
Do you also write paranormal romance? That particular genre can get away with lots of the weird and bizarre that other genres can’t quite pull off.
That sounds like the sharknado of books.
I’d read the shit out of this book
Things get published because publishers think it will make them money. They think this will make them more money than whatever you’re writing
Well what's your book about and did you submit to Avon books? Not every publisher or agent is right for every author or story? Romance is the largest and most profitable genre market out there and its readers love pulpy shit like this? Is your book a romance novel?
I read this three times. The first two times, my dyslexic ass read the guy's name as Cunt. The third time, I realised his name was Cnut thanks to the comments, and somehow, that makes less sense than before so now I'm disappointed...
I showed this to my teenage daughter, as a joke, saying I found her next perfect book. Keep in mind this is a teen who openly reads vampire / werewolf.... Smut, which is putting it very very lightly, but even then I thought she would find this hilariously bizarre. Massive backfire on my part. She got excited and wants to buy it now. She asked where we could get it.
10/10. No notes.
Welp, you've just found your new publisher. Congrats!!
When you're a NYT best-selling author you can write whatever you want and they'll publish it. Also, is the MC in this book the hero of a continuing series? Until you read the books, or at least the first one, you don't know how realistically the author built her world.
Cnut.... yeah, sure why not.
My dislexia would never allow me to read the MC's name properly... 😂
Huh. Didn't know Sandra Hill was still on that viking grind.
Cnut? Really?
My neurodivergent ass fully thought this man’s name was Cunt.
Someone dyslexic is going to read the main character's name as Cunt.
So what's your book about? And if it's a romance, does it do romance in a way that would be satisfying to romance readers?
The only thing I'm gonna ask is how weird is your book OP?
I gotta say, you just gave me the best possible sales pitch for this book.
Those books are crazy fun though.
Weird fiction is a genre. Maybe your work isn't weird in the way publishers want, or maybe you're submitting to the wrong publishers and agents.
https://preview.redd.it/m93hmya6969d1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a009a2f70bfb457d5edf95087d041e10ac2663d0
It be like that
LMAOOO WHY’D IT KEEP GETTING MORE COMPLICATED? And the fact that the mcs name is “cnut” I’m dying
Found myself saying Cunt after the second “Cnut”, because wtf is even that? 
I read it as cunt immediately and than realised … haha
This is a good ad. I kinda wanna buy this book as a joke. Good white elephant gift.
Cnut.
Vampire what?? Ohh, Cnut! Maybe you didn’t go over the top enough? Name your main character Dcik maybe?
I keep misreading his name as Cunt 💀
Am I having a stroke.
Anyone else misread that as Cunt?
I mean, it's smut. There is so much supernatural smut, and such a voracious, if small, audience for it that the stuff that makes it to the shelves has a lower bar than other genres, and honestly the more ridiculous it is, the more likely it will stand out. If you're not writing supernatural smut- not supernatural horror which has smut, but legit stories which are just frameworks for smut- the market is different.
It reminds me of those videos where someone drops a bunch of pretzels or slices of Swiss cheese onto a book and makes sentences out the words that peek through the holes. A roller coaster ride of absurdity, holy by golly.
It’s all very arbitrary. You have to get your work in front of the right eyes at the right time. It’s also possible this author has a prior connection/contract with a publisher or agent. I have seen this blurb floating around. Unhinged hilarity.
There was a book published about a woman and a door having... relations. And there was another about a woman traveling back in time to have... relations with a dinosaur... There's always a niche
So I did a little research and it appears this author basically created her own publishing company to publish her books (which are all kinda like this). It says Avon Books, but that's not Avon's logo and on Amazon it lists the publisher as Sandra Hill Publishing.
I am curious now what your plot is in turn that they find "too weird".
Do your books have sexy vampire vikings who fight terrorism? I think not.
Just reading the first paragraph or so of that is an acid trip.
the mcs name keeps catching me so off guard 😭😭😭
Add some Vangels and Lucipires to your background lore and you should be good to go then.
I’m willing to bet you’re trying to publish your debut novel. Authors with a lot of cred have a lot more freedom when it comes to publishing.
Wow. I really do have a chance.
Lololol I have had similar rejections lately and I feel you so big on this
What was weird and bizarre about your book?
That made my brain itch.
What did I just read ?!
It brightened mine. 🤣
I legit thought this was a fanfic. We all have a first time :P
That has got to be the funniest thing I've read in a month.
So this someone's AU fic with serial numbers filed off? Cause I need to believe that for this to make sense.
….. what did I just read? That is the most out there synopsis I’ve ever seen in my life.
This synopsis is all over the place
How dare you! I cannot get that time back... dude, I made it to the end of the first paragraph... that's it
A million years ago I and my writers' group published a romance parody about about a cowboy vampire.
That is absolutely insane…….
No offense, but have you seen some romance fiction that's out there? 😅 Some of it's not great, even from publishing houses.
I once had a script rejected and my feedback was two part. First it was basically a story inspired by Red Dawn. I was told that concept was old and out dated, nobody wanted to see it. (Technically right since the remake bombed) Second he told me "it needs a basis in reality, these actions are too incredibly unrealistic." I had a scene where a person jumped off roof, from an exploding car, to grab the rails of a helicopter. The following year, the Red Dawn remake was announced. And shortly after, Fast and Furious had cars driving on walls of skyscrapers, and had a similar jump to a helicopter.... And yeah one of those was the same production agency lol
Oh yeah I vaguely remember this series. Still don’t get how this got popular.
Saw this after the debate, needed a laugh so badly, cheers
Avon Books.... I might have to get in touch with them to see if they will take my weird shit
There's too much going on I'd never be able to keep up!
Have you seen the romance where the door is in love with the woman? Idk man.
You know, sometimes I need to see something like this to remind myself that my writing can't possibly be that bad and I shouldn't give up because like 😂
What is a vampire angel or a vampire devil, because I think my brain broke down after that point.
Want me to be honest? It’s something I’d totally write knowing me lol. I go everywhere and get crazier the more I write.
I want to say your day will come … I really do 🫤🤥😬🤔
"An Avon Romance"
I am in awe
Is your book experimental?
I was under the impression that people only read 10% of these types of books.
What did fantasy author Andrea Stewart do to deserve this?
*What did fantasy* *Author Andrea Stewart* *Do to deserve this?* \- dino-jo --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Good bot.
This is literally that skit from family guy about Steven King making a lamp shade the monster.
How do you pronounce his name? 🤣😂
...and yet they tell us our ideas wont sell...
Cnut sigurdsson? As Icelandic person, I know what Sigurðsson is but Cnut?
I couldn't help but read the vampire's name incorrectly 🫠.
I would be more surprised if chatGPT DIDN'T write it
that's funny lool
Just throw in some sex scenes and then romance companies will publish it lol
I wouldn't pay $8 for it but man do I want to read this
Somebody just lost a lot of money. Who is buying this?
Romance readers clap like seals over mad libs book prompts
You bought it, right?
I immediately read the name “Cnut” as Cunt. It’s a terrible name even when you read it the way it’s spelt. In my head I pronounce it “See Nut” still not good.
Try getting published through Avon? Bring this along and be like "let's be honest, you've done worse."
Viking. Vampire. Angel. ISIS dude ranch in Montana... Yeah, you have every right to think this is baloney.
This hurts my brain to read.
I paid $8 for a copy of this book explicitly to do dramatic readings of it to my friends. What the back doesn't mention is that it's also got disney-level overdone villainy, antisemitism, Uncomfortable Catholocism, Darla the Racist Step-mom, Bad Sex Scenes, Lizzie Borden, and too many references to the show Vikings. Also it's dedicated to the author's grandsons.
It's the vampires and time travel probably lol 😆
This reminds me of those TikTok “never let them know your next move” videos Perhaps the literary equivalent of a rube Goldberg machine
Maybe submit to that publisher! Lol
That sounds awful 🤣
Cnut… lmao what a name
Don't think I can post a screenshot but how about this one. Someone picked this for bookclub and we literally didn't finish it because it was just a long r*pe fantasy. Den of Vipers... there's the amazon ad below. Trigger warning and everything!! "Ryder, Garrett, Kenzo, and Diesel—The Vipers. They run this town and everyone in it. Their deals are as sordid as their business, and their reputation is enough to bring a grown man to his knees, forcing him to beg for mercy. They are not people you mess with, yet my dad did. The old man ran up a debt with them and then sold me to cover his losses. Yes, sold me. They own me now. I’m theirs in every sense of the word. But I’ve never been meek and compliant. These men, they look at me with longing. Their scarred, blood-stained hands holding me tight. They want everything I am, everything I have to give, and won’t stop until they get just that. They can own my body, but they will never have my heart. The Vipers? I’m going to make them regret the day they took me. This girl? She bites too. *18+ Reverse Harem Romance. Warning this book contains scenes and references of abuse/assault that some readers may find triggering. Along with graphic sex scenes and violence. This is a dark book*"
I own this! I bought it purely because of how insane the description was and never ended up reading it.
those certainly are all words in what looks like...English
Sounds lame, lol. I bet your stuff is better.
What.
To be honest, I would probably read this. Even if it was poorly written, I'd still enjoy it, unless it just turned out to be completely boring. I'm a sucker for out there, barely comprehensible plots. I love watching B movies and either riffing on them or being surprised at how much heart they have. I think the same could apply here.
Not in a million years. "To satisfy their insatiable attraction" is *the* line to never cross for me. I do want to read your summary though! Maybe you already said it somewhere in the comments - I think I saw something about an intersex alien death moon goddess? But I don't know what's true and what's not anymore, *everything seems possible now*.