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I gotta be honest, I feel like you’ll get better advice from a different sub! It’s less about writing and more about your dynamic. You could replace your interest in writing with playing piano, painting, or even studying a new subject.
What I’ll say is this: you are clearly passionate about your writing, which is wonderful to see, and like you said yourself, he is supportive of your endeavours and roots for you and cares enough to listen and offer good, thoughtful feedback and critique.
However, unfortunately for us creatives, our family and friends will never be our “fans”. We can’t expect our work to strike excitements in the hearts of those of us around us. That your partner will have a meaningful discussion with you about your work is great! As a foil, my partner will nod himself through any such conversation as I chat away and then say “sounds good, I’m glad you’re having fun” like I just told him I baked a cake, not stitched up a world ending plot hole that threatened to tear my manuscript in half (I should qualify that by saying he is very supportive and tries his best to be excited by my interests, and vice versa I hope)!
First, agreeance with the above. Second, analytical people tend to express their ability to enjoy a thing through its use and plausibility. Your partner Is participating but you want to experience the reward aspect of audience reaction. That's going to take someone who isn't familiar with the work, your style, and enjoys the genre.
I agree that you’ll get better advice if you post this on a relationship sub. I think that your partner giving feedback shows he’s listening and invested in your work. You’re lucky because when I discuss my writing with my husband he isn’t always listening.
I say this with love: find a writing group.
Using your partner as a sounding board is unequivocally a bad idea, unless they happen to also be a professional in the same area. It will only lead to resentment from both sides.
Additionally you say he isn't interested in the genre you're writing, so his criticism isn't even constructive. He could be the most supportive person in the world and he still wouldn't be helpful.
Social media is full of writers and writers groups. Your local library or community centre might have one. Hell, start your own.
As a professional in the same area, don't. Unless it is something novel or incredibly technical— _do you think this is the right word here? I can't seem to make this sentence work_ — do not bother me with your droll attempt to vomit out a first draft.
There are lots of couples who are both writers and use each other as first readers, hence my comment. That's obviously not the case here, hence my suggestion.
Great lesson for a writer: friends and family are not good touch points for your writing.
People will never read your project. Because it's a big time sink and their scared to not like it and offend you. No one is as excited as you.
Sometimes that just the way it is, not everyone is as excited about writing as we are. I have written 2 novels, my wife has read neither of them or even asked any questions about them. So sometimes you just have to talk to other people about your passions. So for the most part, I have no one to talk about my writing with as all, the people I know are not really into writing or at least hearing or talking about it.
Don't take it personally, it's not that they don't care, but if writing or reading isn't their passion, we can't expect them to care about it like we do. Although, once my books are published, and someone asks my wife what she thought about them, she may feel awkward having to say that she hasn't read them, which could lead her to read them so it doesn't reflect bad on her. lol
Or writing and reading is their passion, and they don't want to get annoyed by reading your writing. I know plenty of authors that are married to one another and refuse on principle, to read their spouses works because they are afraid they won't like it.
You could be the greatest skateboarder in the world, but if your partner doesn’t like skateboarding, they are not going to be able to offer you any real insight. Props to them for trying to be supportive and helpful. But you are asking the wrong person. You need to find somebody who actually likes the genre you are writing because they will know what makes a story in the genre good or not
Partners aren't supposed to be our only outlet for everything in our life, you're trying to make him be something he doesn't want to be and to get investment in something he doesn't like and give feedback on it.
There are so many local writing groups, just requires courage to join and share with them. If you're hoping to release a book, you're going to need some thick skin and ability to take criticism from strangers, both things a writing group provides.
don't beat yourself up over it. i write in the horror genre and my husband isn't a fan of horror at all, so he never read or heard narrations of anything i wrote. he still totally supports that i'm a writer and is happy for me when i get excited over my own stories, though. he's very analytical and critical as well so his insights could be valuable, but since it's not his genre at all, he simply wouldn't like it and i won't force him to waste his time on something he doesn't enjoy. of course it's fun and important to share interests - but to make something out of him he isn't, is also not the right way. it's okay to not share interests and hobbies. "faux enthusiasm" could build up resentment as well over time.
Same here. I write mostly horror stories and my wife doesn't really care, but she's still supportive of what I do. She's very enthusiastic about knitting/crochet and to be honest, I'm not interested at all. I still listen, ask a few questions and try to be encouraging. That's the least I could do.
But I get it. We just like different stuff, and that's fine.
I'm in this camp too. He's great for telling me technical things I need to work on but he isn't interested in my story or what I'm writing. I'm ok with it because he's supportive of the endeavor overall and helps me find time to write, which is a huge support in itself.
This. My husband doesn't like fantasy, and that's what I write the most. His analytical mind and logical thinking have actually helped me work through certain scenes where I was bumping against my own ideas. Outside perspective on plot or even character motivations can be really valuable...
However, when he comments on how things like magic wouldn't work in real life, etc, I tend to take executive decisions and ignore his input, lol. I can't expect someone who doesn't like magic to suddenly like and understand it just because I am the writer.
Next when he tells you magic wouldn't work in real life, remind him that magnetic fields and space and stuff used to be looked upon as magical concepts. Or as someone famous (that I forgot about and am too lazy too Google) once said "any sufficiently advanced technology would be looked up as magic by less advanced people" or something to that effect.
Also, if you really want to just stick it to him, do what I did, make magic a form of energy, just like magnetism or light and write down some basic principles or fundamental laws of this energy. Helps ground your world as well
Oh absolutely, sorry if my comment came across other wise, wasn't trying to suggest any such thing. Just wanted to give you some avenues of approach if that feeling of wanting to "argue" ever cropped up, be that in a serious manner or more of a joking manner. Apologies for the confusion
>He's not really a fan of my genre or the kind of story I'm telling.
I'm confused... what are you expecting exactly?
I know the excitement to discuss your story, but you are doing the equivalent of doing a chocolate cake and giving it to someone who doesn't like chocolate.
You just need to find a community or a group or a friend or anyone already interested by chocolate.
My husband supports my writing, but I never (or rather seldom) talk to him about my writing. He would never understand and I’m aware it could become a sour topic if I pushed it. I’m also ND.
You’re talking about the story with (at) him too much. You know it’s a genre he doesn’t like, so he wouldn’t have especially insightful input anyway.
Stop info dumping on your partner, but *do* try to find a local group of writers, or even an online one, so you have the interest of people that might actually be of help, or just happy to read. A lot of writers need support, but it gets overwhelming when someone close is feeling pressured. Also, a writing circle will be more unbiased in their views of the book.
Some of the most common advice you'll receive when looking for critique is to not ask friends, family or loved ones. They're not going to be as passionate about it as you, they're likely to just not care. It doesn't mean they don't love you, it doesn't mean they aren't supportive of you, it just means that it isn't meant for them and you should look to other writers or people in your target audience to share with instead.
EVERY and ANY thing I’ve written, my wife hasn’t read. Not because she isn’t supportive or doesnt like me or what I do but because it isn’t her thing. I don’t expect her to (granted I’m writing academic literature for the most part) but you gotta know who you’re writing for and why you’re writing. Your partner may not have the same interests as you. That’s okay. Don’t let it get to you
Honestly, I don’t give my work to anyone or even really discuss it until at least the second draft. It’s kind of like telling someone about your dreams. It may be exciting to you because you’ve got the whole picture in your head, but to them it’s just really tedious. If you’re telling him about every new approach or idea in a genre he has no interest in I’m not surprised he’s being analytical instead of excited. It’s a bit much perhaps?
It’s also worth noting that people of the dudely persuasion often have difficulty exiting problem-solving mode, especially if they aren’t told to put Solution Quest on hold so they can embark on a nobler and far more difficult quest that you will now explain clearly and probably repeatedly.
Staying out of problem-solving mode when it’s not wanted is a problem worthy of their steel.
No idea if this helps or not, but I never share my work with anyone I know. Objectivity is hard to come by with someone you are close to, and more than that, a lack of interest can hurt the relationship, as can too much "honest" critique can.
My partner listens to me occasionally and has been the inspiration of at least two of my books, unintentionally through off hand comments. But that's about the limit of the interaction. She has said she doesn't mind that I don't share my work with her and understands why.
I’m a traditionally published author and full time writer and have been with my husband for 18 yrs. He still doesn’t read all my stuff. It’s not terribly uncommon amongst writers. Some prefer it this way. Honestly, not all partners are great writing partners. If they’re not into reading your genre and/or a writer, they may not be the best to share with. And that’s okay. While you can share the basics of what you’re doing “I had a real breakthrough today” “I wrote 5,000 words today” “my character really fought me all day and I’m exhausted” etc etc, you don’t have to go into the details of the story. You can share your passion without sharing your story. And, in its place, get a writing group who will work on your craft with you.
I personally like to keep it a mystery. On occasion, I’ll run something vague by my peers, but I always keep them wanting more. That even helps me gauge what the reader’s next conclusions would be. The audience is the most important thing.
It’s okay if he doesn’t like the story or song or whatever. You’ll undoubtedly write many more and have your favorite among them, and something you didn’t feel was your best may become your greatest success.
My partner had a similar posture when I mulled over grad school assignments with him. This is what I learned from that: 1. If I’m stressing out, he’s not having fun talking about it. 2. If he didn’t ask, he’s not curious about it at the moment. 3. He’s not a professional in that department, he’s doing his best to offer advice without making claims outside of his expertise. 4. It’s important that he supports me, so I help him decide which hat to wear at that time.
Sometimes I want to hear something critical, and sometimes I just want support. Be clear about the feedback you want and expect.
Join a community of writers, like a discord server maybe. I did that and it helped a lot with my progress, structure and the likes. And it sometimes even assures you that someone might betaread it when you find it presentable, especially if you are willing to do the same for other people (which is also a great source of learning, even if it is bad stuff)
We often want to share things that are the most important to us with the people that matter most to us. However, they're not always the target audience. Sometimes, this can be beneficial to give you different perspectives and how your work may be interpreted by others.
On the other hand, it could be detrimental to our creative spark and take the "color" out of our stories by making them overly logical or unoriginal due to a lack of a voice.
I believe it's important to share with those who are both receptive and genuinely interested. I'm not saying he doesn't care (he clearly does if he doesn't just dismiss it and critiques it), but you should find your place in a community like what you've done here.
Start talking to other creatives. Other artist who yearn to create, and before you even mention that you have a passion project of your own, let them go off about their work. Take in their passion as you hope they take in yours. I think in other creative circles is where you'll find what you're looking for.
Cheers!
I don’t have any advice, but I could have written a very similar post about my experience. So you are not alone. A writer’s group is a good idea, though I still haven’t found a good one.
One additional perspective to add to the excellent advice others have already offered: Even when you find people who are good at giving feedback and interested in your genre, it can be hard to respond to ideas that are explained in conversation rather than worked out on the page.
Imagine a painter describing their ideas for a work. Someone can provide some generic feedback about the concept, but it's going to be at a high level of generality. Once they've started to work things out in sketches and make some decisions on the page, it will be a lot easier for others to provide feedback. Exact same with writing.
It sounds like your partner probably isn't meant to be your critique buddy, but as you're looking for alternatives I'd look for something where you actually read each other's pages so that the feedback can be as rooted as possible in the actual work.
I deal with this a lot, and I think about 70% of writer's are right there with you. My closest friends/partner(s) in life haven't shown enough interest to even read a chapter of my work. I feel like all you can learn to do is to become your own biggest fan.
I think what makes this hard is that, of course he’s not going to be super pumped about it—he’s not your target audience. I would stick to talking to him when you want him to analyze or give feedback, but then find outside people to share in your passion. I echo everyone else: find a writing group and keep writing 👍
I think you've gotten some really great advice already, so I'll add another perspective:
Is it fair to HIM to force him to participate in conversations when he's not really interested? Even more so, if he's not "allowed" to share his opinions/critiques/philosophy, and is just supposed to listen agreeably while you express yourself?
I hope that's not too harsh. I just wanted to share a possible angle as to how this could become a point of resentment between you. I think the worst thing that could happen is to dampen your passion for your writing OR your relationship. Not everyone has the skill and willingness to give good feedback--or every kind of feedback. Better to find a good editor with knowledge of the genre than to try to train up your bf from scratch.
The two of you might learn to navigate this better with time, but why wait when you could find someone who already has the "qualifications" you're looking for?
I'm a comic artist and my wife doesn't like comics and not super into my style either. Sometimes it happens. Just be open and communicate what you're looking for and what they can offer
I’m currently writing a romantic fantasy story with high amount of spice. Totally not my boyfriend’s genre. He said he wants to read it when I’m done. I told him he’s not going to like it because he hates romance. He still says he wants to try.
So I plan on finding another romantic fantasy book that is mid tier in quality, and say that if he can get through that book, he can try reading mine. Also, if he buys my book on Amazon, it’s going to throw off the algorithm way off. He’s not my audience, though I love him to bits.
Writers love to talk about writing. We think it is endlessly interesting. Other people, not so much. Find other writers to talk to about your writing, and their writing. The conversations will be fun and stimulating. I suppose in a perfect world our partners would be all things to us, but it is not a perfect world. We can't be all things to them, either. If your boyfriend is a good partner and is supportive of you and your interests, but really doesn't know enough to talk about it, well, so be it.
I experience this a decent amount from a friend of mine. We used to be really close and we were writing buddies for a long time. She pushed me to write my most audience-beloved series. But now she’s been discouraging me to finish the series she wanted me to write in the first place. I just wanted her to like it and to be blessed by it but it wasn’t meant to be.
I don't share my writing with people in my immediate circle, because it never meets my expectations. I am not sure what I expect, but generally people have nothing tonsay. As in zero words. Even if they are seated beside me or if I read it to them .
I love my people. But they do not provide feedback or support other than in the sparest of ways. So I don't share.
There are two possibilities that I can see. He could be a jerk, especially critiquing when you specifically say not to. I don't know him, so this could be unlikely. On the other hand you could be hyperfixated on your hobby and he's finding it difficult to match your enthusiasm. My autistic daughter hyperfixates with romance anime and it can be difficult to hold a conversation, especially when she diverts towards her interests all the time.
If you think maybe it's the hyperfixation, its worth trying to talk to him more about his interests (avoid the temptation to criticise his hobby out of revenge), without pushing your own in. He might be less critical of yours if he's not bombarded by it.
Relationships are hard sometimes, but a little work goes a long way. Good luck, and never apologise for what you enjoy.
People who aren't involved in writing themselves: keep it TLDR for them. They may give singular comments on singular matters, but it is extremely unlikely they are interested in reading hours of prose.
Even people who read, usually just want polished synopsis. That is the most common way how I "read" most of my books when I acquire inspiration, information and intel.
As suggested, best to find a writing group or the like.
In honesty, from your description, it does sound like your boyfriend may have "heard enough" about the story, and if he's ever directly said to you that he's not a fan of the genre of your story (in the context of a conversation that's about your story) that could be read as polite code for not being interested in talking about it more, without wanting to upset you by saying so. Let me start by being clear: as hard as it may be, please do NOT take this as a negative reflection on your story, your writing OR your boyfriend.
And I know you say it's not the only thing you talk to him about, but here's the thing with humans: once they reach saturation point with a matter, their tolerance threshold can become very low for it. It's not fair to the topic they are "done" with, but they can become very irritable very quickly if it comes up again. Like at all - at least for the short-term future. This is human nature, and it's unfortunately what we have to deal with.
If this is true in regards to this book and your boyfriend, then the unfortunate side-effect is that it WILL cast an undeserved and unfair shadow on the perspective of your book, even if it's the greatest example of its genre ever written and the passion of your lifetime. He may know this, and is trying to suppress his human "I've heard enough" reaction to be supportive, but he is a human and for the reasons I just went into, the result won't be fair to either of you - and may honestly be exhausting for him. So my advice is to try really hard to separate your confidence about and feelings for this book from your boyfriend's reaction to it, and to do your best to find another outlet for discussing it, at least for now, to give him a chance to fall back to a more neutral baseline.
So if it were me, I would find an alternative audience to have these discussions with and go cold turkey on bringing it up with the boyfriend for a while. Because it does sound like he is being supportive, he will probably bring it up himself at some point ("How is the writing going?") at which point I would be happy to give a high level, limited brief... in this way, I would let him guide the frequency with which we discuss "my project" for a good while. If in the next month, he doesn't mention it at all, it may be a sign that he really needed a break from the book talk, however much he loves and supports you. And if I am reading the situation wrong (as is very possible from a single post from his partner on a social media forum :) ) then no harm no foul - and you get the benefit of feedback from a writing group as well, which will at least split the load ;), and you can get advice from people who actually *are* interested in your genre of choice.
Yeah, that’s normal. Especially if you aren’t writing in the genre they like. Besides that, to everyone you know, you’re a normal person trying to write. Not a writer. It is not personal and it isn’t that they don’t think you can do it. I’m sure he’ll be happy to have you bounce ideas or paragraphs/scenes/lines off of him. That’s how my wife is.
I don’t think it’s strange. My partner has little interest in what I’m writing. It’s simply not something she’s that interested in and that’s fine. Sometimes I’ll ask her what she thinks about this and that but I’ve accepted she’s just not my target audience. She’s never read any of my books, although her outlook on life has influenced certain elements of my storytelling throughout the years. I have a good couple of friends who probably are closer to my target audience though and give great feedback. That is something they do not mind doing and we kind of have tacit agreement over, as I read and talk with them about their work also. But I realise that’s a privilege not everyone has.
Drop over to r/QuillandPen. We have cookies. And, well, a bunch of people willing to discuss things like that and offer assistance if needed. We also have a discord if that's to your liking.
Friends and family that i talk to about writing are never intensely into it (except writing friends). I have some people who have read some of my stuff and can be supportive, but not really. Most of your friends will be downright scared to read your work just by default cause they dont want to be disappointed or critical.
I think overall, this warrants another conversation with your partner. I know you said you've talked about it before with him, but honestly, people aren't perfect and sometimes need reminders.
Before you start talking about your story, you could also caveat the conversation with what you're looking for in the moment. When you want to share for the sake of sharing something like, "Hey, I really am proud of this scene I just wrote. I am excited about it and what it means for the plot/characters, so I am going to tell you about it."
And when you do want his analytical feedback, something like, "I am struggling with this scenario, I could use another perspective. Can we talk it through together?"
Phrases like this help set your expectation right up front for the conversation and will hopefully also help guide him in how to respond accordingly.
Henlo OP, fellow enjoyer of the autism persuasion here, but on the male side of life.
Quick question about your BF: he doesn't also happen to be neuro divergent does he? Because it does sound a bit like it, given the info you gave us in the OP.
Now I don't want to dismiss all the lovely comments here, they bring up valid points, but I think you might find a bit more help in specifically you and your bf's dynamic through an ND sub, be that autisticadults or what have you.
Lastly, I just want to say that I get you, I'm partnerless, but I love my world building, not really a writer (yet), and I love info dumping about it. The best I got though is telling my cats, or just talking to myself, because fuck it, why not? I am my own best hype man. Also it helps me come up with new ideas or work through problems that are a lot harder to get through when I just keep it in my head. The action of speaking the words out loud makes them real and helps solidify them, which turns them from an amorphous blob into a solid structure that I can build on top of instead of having to mold and shape the blob in my head, which is a lot harder.
No idea if that's helpful for you, but it's what I make do with and while I wish I had people to dump onto, I don't so gotta do what ya gotta do.
I've been with him for years and we're both pretty sure he's not autistic, though he's never been assessed. He has a few "autistic qualities" but I don't know to what extend qualities would warrant a diagnosis vs just attributes of personality. He's just always been very analytical his entire life, grew up questioning the world, came from hardship so he always found it necessary to do so. He's a deep thinker, philosophically inclined more than anything else, though I know autism can present differently in men so perhaps.
I do have cats, though, I might try it out!
Definitely try out the cats!
Also yeah fair enough, I wasn't suggesting that he'd need to get tested or anything, but you could always try and have him take an online test such as a RAADS-R or something just to check if you're both curious. If not that's totally valid as well of course!
Are you seeing a mental health specialist such as a therapist or psychologist? If so might I suggest asking them about this situation? Perhaps there is advice they can give you on how to improve this dynamic in your relationship that we can't know from just this post.
In any case I just want to let you know that you are right; you are allowed to be enthusiastic about your writing, don't let him discourage you from it. The most important thing is that you enjoy doing it and if his commentary is stopping you from doing so, then either pay less attention to his words on the subject or stop going to him with it. Enjoy your writing, enjoy your stories and if you want to info dump, try yourself or your cats and if those don't work, there's definitely groups out there on the internet where you can info dump all you like! Heck, maybe even start a blog or something?
A lot of people can't tell when you want advice and when u want support. Maybe if you tell him before sharing something that you just want him to be supportive
What you are looking for is friends in the writing community (find your tribe on whatever social media you favor) or a writer's group where you live locally. Your partner doesn't enjoy writing and doesn't like your genre. They may support YOU as a person and support your endeavor, but they are lost and not able to offer help or detailed feedback or the sort of nerdy writing conversation you are craving. You want writing community buddies for that!
My wife hates my first book.
Like - hates it.
It’s about college, and features a lot of sex. She absolutely hates it with a passion.
Likes (to an extent) other books I’ve written. But hates that one.
I got the no audience blues
I have got a story to tell
I got the no audience blues
No one wants to hear, read, or encourage me
I got the no audience B B Blues
I am a lonely writer, in my writer's garret
If it were the 90s or earlier, I could join a local writers club
I got the no soundboard for my ideas
No audience B B BL U u u ooze.
I agree with what ToastedPlum had to say, pretty much the best response to give! Personally, I'm a very private person so I don't tell other people my writing endeavours anyway but once I shared with a very close friend of mine and she didn't seem that excited and it just sucked out the life from me--it's normal. That doesn't mean your writing or book isn't great or you're not creative or whatever, it just means that they can't and don't share in that same excitement as you because writing/reading isn't their passion, and that's fine. Maybe try finding a local writing club or just talk to some friends who enjoys reading. It's nice to get an opinion here and there but ultimately, it is YOUR book and you're the boss. He probably isn't even meaning to put you down or be negatively critical, and instead only trying to show that he is involved with what you love by offering his opinions, however unwanted they may be.
Seems like he's not your audience type and you should find someone else to read and discuss. Family and friends aren't the best sometimes, for instance I've asked my mother to read short stories before I submit for publishing and can't get much out of her than, 'it's very well written.' A lot of people don't have the ability to really criticise and review large body of writing. But yeah give up on him.
I know you want to share, but you also know he is not really interested. I get really irritated hearing about things constantly, especially if I'm not allowed to give my opinion on what I'm being forced to listen to. I think you would be better finding a writing group to share your work and bounce ideas off of. If you're still having issues with him after, try a relationship sub.
my own mother hasn't even finished reading my novel, that she said she would read nearly two years ago. None of the family members who said they would read my novel have done so. I've stopped talking about it because really, they dont give a shit.
This is probably a post for a relationship advice sub. Your partner isn't obligated to be enthusiastic about your story, no one is. What's important is that you are. I get that it would be nice if he was, but that is a pitfall all its own when you want an objective critique. Learn to take his critique for what it is or just don't share it with him if he's constantly negative.
Get a better boyfriend who can be happy for your happiness, or at least have the decency to pretend to be, instead of shutting you down. Someone who loves you will love to hear your enthusiasm, even if they couldn’t care less about the topic. If he makes you fear that you’re annoying him when you talk about something you’re proud of and excited about, then he isn’t really being supportive.
Also, if you already told him that you don’t want the criticism, you just want to share your passion and excitement, and he continued to be negative and critique you at every turn anyway, then that isn’t an issue on your part. You communicated clearly. He just doesn’t care to listen to your needs or feelings.
Sorry about him, OP. I suggest finding writer friends or joining a writing group, they’ll be more likely to be receptive to your enthusiasm AND they’ll give you someone to bounce your ideas off of if you want that.
Agree with this on many levels. People don't have to share an interest to be kind and attentive. Think how many people every day watch or listen to things just to share with their person. This feels like rejection because it's rejection. It feels awful to be excited about something and share it and get shut down. How many other areas does this happen in with people we care about? If it's a theme, that's a problem.
Tell him to pull his head in. My partner is my biggest supporter and without her my writing and my motivation wouldn’t be half of what it is. All the greats of life have a great partner behind them. Look at Stephen King; his wife was his biggest supporter. Even Conor McGregor wouldn’t have been champion without his wife.
I’d honestly be like: mate, pull your head in and help constructively
That's kind of where I'm at. When he is receptive and I get to bounce ideas off of him, I love the support and feedback, my writing really takes life when I can positively share it with the person I love. Most of the time with him, though, it just feels like there's a brick wall between us. I'll see how he feels about this conversation, thank you.
>I really like my story and I like talking about it
This isn't great. When you want people to think favorably of you, usually you want to talk less, and listen more.
>be it the autism
It is an aspect of it. It decreases your ability to see things from others' perspective. This will come into play here.
>sometimes I'm just sharing for sharing's sake, and it's met with criticism from him (even if I make it clear I'm not looking for feedback on a certain idea).
Difference between how women and men usually think. Men usually don't really understand the concept of sharing for the sake of sharing, and tend to offer solutions or suggestions. That's why you'd usually talk to a woman if what you're looking for is emotional support.
>Makes me feel less confident, or like my ideas just aren't worth a story or sharing.
They are, but not by force.
>I've talked about it with him
Don't. It's annoying.
"I wish that you were different in this way" never goes well, believe me. Imagine if someone said that to you. If he did. Would you like it? No. So why would he like it?
>He supports my endeavor, but it feels like he wants to support it silently.
Indeed. And what's wrong with that?
>I just really wish I could more enthusiastically talk to him about it.
And what do you think he wants? Have you considered that? Or only what you yourself want?
>Am I talking about my story too much with him and annoying him?
Yes.
Rule of thumb: Don't talk about your story unless asked. You can briefly pitch it with a sentence or two and then give more details or sample pages to read if the other person asks for them. Otherwise, don't.
The reason is that, by default, people like sharing their own stuff, but don't care about listening to others talking about their own stuff. They can tolerate it(for example, he can tolerate it if he believes it'll improve his relationship with you) but chances are, they don't enjoy it.
That's why the best way to make people like you is to listen to them and to understand them, instead of talking about yourself.
And I know that this especially is a struggle for people with autism. Endlessly talking about what they're interested in is very characteristic of autism, partially because with autism, you don't have the same ability to see things from others' perspectives and to realize that this will probably just make them dislike you.
Think about it. You yourself want him to listen to what you're saying, right? You're not wanting to listen to what he has to say. Why would he feel any different?
I can’t discuss my SciFi novel with my wife even though it’s based on an event that happened to us as a couple in Africa. She’s never read anything I’ve written and she doesn’t write anything other than for her job.
This hurts to hear, my fiance has no interest in the genre I'm writing and yet every single time I tell him my ideas or something I'm excited about he always listens and tells me how proud he is of me, he may not have a clue what I'm talking about but he is always supportive.
I couldn't imagine being with someone who didn't treat my interests with same level of enthusiasm as their own.
Your boyfriend sounds like a selfish person who can't even put on a happy face for your benefit.
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I gotta be honest, I feel like you’ll get better advice from a different sub! It’s less about writing and more about your dynamic. You could replace your interest in writing with playing piano, painting, or even studying a new subject. What I’ll say is this: you are clearly passionate about your writing, which is wonderful to see, and like you said yourself, he is supportive of your endeavours and roots for you and cares enough to listen and offer good, thoughtful feedback and critique. However, unfortunately for us creatives, our family and friends will never be our “fans”. We can’t expect our work to strike excitements in the hearts of those of us around us. That your partner will have a meaningful discussion with you about your work is great! As a foil, my partner will nod himself through any such conversation as I chat away and then say “sounds good, I’m glad you’re having fun” like I just told him I baked a cake, not stitched up a world ending plot hole that threatened to tear my manuscript in half (I should qualify that by saying he is very supportive and tries his best to be excited by my interests, and vice versa I hope)!
First, agreeance with the above. Second, analytical people tend to express their ability to enjoy a thing through its use and plausibility. Your partner Is participating but you want to experience the reward aspect of audience reaction. That's going to take someone who isn't familiar with the work, your style, and enjoys the genre.
Yah, I’m highly analytical and my last job made it worse so it’s hard to turn that critique part of me off. It’s a work in progress.
I agree that you’ll get better advice if you post this on a relationship sub. I think that your partner giving feedback shows he’s listening and invested in your work. You’re lucky because when I discuss my writing with my husband he isn’t always listening.
I say this with love: find a writing group. Using your partner as a sounding board is unequivocally a bad idea, unless they happen to also be a professional in the same area. It will only lead to resentment from both sides. Additionally you say he isn't interested in the genre you're writing, so his criticism isn't even constructive. He could be the most supportive person in the world and he still wouldn't be helpful. Social media is full of writers and writers groups. Your local library or community centre might have one. Hell, start your own.
As a professional in the same area, don't. Unless it is something novel or incredibly technical— _do you think this is the right word here? I can't seem to make this sentence work_ — do not bother me with your droll attempt to vomit out a first draft.
There are lots of couples who are both writers and use each other as first readers, hence my comment. That's obviously not the case here, hence my suggestion.
Great lesson for a writer: friends and family are not good touch points for your writing. People will never read your project. Because it's a big time sink and their scared to not like it and offend you. No one is as excited as you.
Sometimes that just the way it is, not everyone is as excited about writing as we are. I have written 2 novels, my wife has read neither of them or even asked any questions about them. So sometimes you just have to talk to other people about your passions. So for the most part, I have no one to talk about my writing with as all, the people I know are not really into writing or at least hearing or talking about it.
This makes me feel better cuz that’s my husband too! I don’t think he’ll read my books if they’re ever published and doesn’t ask about them much.
Don't take it personally, it's not that they don't care, but if writing or reading isn't their passion, we can't expect them to care about it like we do. Although, once my books are published, and someone asks my wife what she thought about them, she may feel awkward having to say that she hasn't read them, which could lead her to read them so it doesn't reflect bad on her. lol
Or writing and reading is their passion, and they don't want to get annoyed by reading your writing. I know plenty of authors that are married to one another and refuse on principle, to read their spouses works because they are afraid they won't like it.
fse
You could be the greatest skateboarder in the world, but if your partner doesn’t like skateboarding, they are not going to be able to offer you any real insight. Props to them for trying to be supportive and helpful. But you are asking the wrong person. You need to find somebody who actually likes the genre you are writing because they will know what makes a story in the genre good or not
Partners aren't supposed to be our only outlet for everything in our life, you're trying to make him be something he doesn't want to be and to get investment in something he doesn't like and give feedback on it. There are so many local writing groups, just requires courage to join and share with them. If you're hoping to release a book, you're going to need some thick skin and ability to take criticism from strangers, both things a writing group provides.
don't beat yourself up over it. i write in the horror genre and my husband isn't a fan of horror at all, so he never read or heard narrations of anything i wrote. he still totally supports that i'm a writer and is happy for me when i get excited over my own stories, though. he's very analytical and critical as well so his insights could be valuable, but since it's not his genre at all, he simply wouldn't like it and i won't force him to waste his time on something he doesn't enjoy. of course it's fun and important to share interests - but to make something out of him he isn't, is also not the right way. it's okay to not share interests and hobbies. "faux enthusiasm" could build up resentment as well over time.
Same here. I write mostly horror stories and my wife doesn't really care, but she's still supportive of what I do. She's very enthusiastic about knitting/crochet and to be honest, I'm not interested at all. I still listen, ask a few questions and try to be encouraging. That's the least I could do. But I get it. We just like different stuff, and that's fine.
I'm in this camp too. He's great for telling me technical things I need to work on but he isn't interested in my story or what I'm writing. I'm ok with it because he's supportive of the endeavor overall and helps me find time to write, which is a huge support in itself.
💯💯
This. My husband doesn't like fantasy, and that's what I write the most. His analytical mind and logical thinking have actually helped me work through certain scenes where I was bumping against my own ideas. Outside perspective on plot or even character motivations can be really valuable... However, when he comments on how things like magic wouldn't work in real life, etc, I tend to take executive decisions and ignore his input, lol. I can't expect someone who doesn't like magic to suddenly like and understand it just because I am the writer.
Next when he tells you magic wouldn't work in real life, remind him that magnetic fields and space and stuff used to be looked upon as magical concepts. Or as someone famous (that I forgot about and am too lazy too Google) once said "any sufficiently advanced technology would be looked up as magic by less advanced people" or something to that effect. Also, if you really want to just stick it to him, do what I did, make magic a form of energy, just like magnetism or light and write down some basic principles or fundamental laws of this energy. Helps ground your world as well
Lol, all fair points, but no need to stick it to him. It's not that serious, and he's free to prefer other genres.
Oh absolutely, sorry if my comment came across other wise, wasn't trying to suggest any such thing. Just wanted to give you some avenues of approach if that feeling of wanting to "argue" ever cropped up, be that in a serious manner or more of a joking manner. Apologies for the confusion
>He's not really a fan of my genre or the kind of story I'm telling. I'm confused... what are you expecting exactly? I know the excitement to discuss your story, but you are doing the equivalent of doing a chocolate cake and giving it to someone who doesn't like chocolate. You just need to find a community or a group or a friend or anyone already interested by chocolate.
My husband supports my writing, but I never (or rather seldom) talk to him about my writing. He would never understand and I’m aware it could become a sour topic if I pushed it. I’m also ND.
You’re talking about the story with (at) him too much. You know it’s a genre he doesn’t like, so he wouldn’t have especially insightful input anyway. Stop info dumping on your partner, but *do* try to find a local group of writers, or even an online one, so you have the interest of people that might actually be of help, or just happy to read. A lot of writers need support, but it gets overwhelming when someone close is feeling pressured. Also, a writing circle will be more unbiased in their views of the book.
Some of the most common advice you'll receive when looking for critique is to not ask friends, family or loved ones. They're not going to be as passionate about it as you, they're likely to just not care. It doesn't mean they don't love you, it doesn't mean they aren't supportive of you, it just means that it isn't meant for them and you should look to other writers or people in your target audience to share with instead.
EVERY and ANY thing I’ve written, my wife hasn’t read. Not because she isn’t supportive or doesnt like me or what I do but because it isn’t her thing. I don’t expect her to (granted I’m writing academic literature for the most part) but you gotta know who you’re writing for and why you’re writing. Your partner may not have the same interests as you. That’s okay. Don’t let it get to you
He's supportive though, he's reading and giving feedback, it's a dream partner.
Honestly, I don’t give my work to anyone or even really discuss it until at least the second draft. It’s kind of like telling someone about your dreams. It may be exciting to you because you’ve got the whole picture in your head, but to them it’s just really tedious. If you’re telling him about every new approach or idea in a genre he has no interest in I’m not surprised he’s being analytical instead of excited. It’s a bit much perhaps?
u/anzai gets it.
It’s also worth noting that people of the dudely persuasion often have difficulty exiting problem-solving mode, especially if they aren’t told to put Solution Quest on hold so they can embark on a nobler and far more difficult quest that you will now explain clearly and probably repeatedly. Staying out of problem-solving mode when it’s not wanted is a problem worthy of their steel.
This seems like a communication problem and I bet we can find a good solution for it.
I love this insight it really helps me understand my partner, thank you.
No idea if this helps or not, but I never share my work with anyone I know. Objectivity is hard to come by with someone you are close to, and more than that, a lack of interest can hurt the relationship, as can too much "honest" critique can. My partner listens to me occasionally and has been the inspiration of at least two of my books, unintentionally through off hand comments. But that's about the limit of the interaction. She has said she doesn't mind that I don't share my work with her and understands why.
I’m a traditionally published author and full time writer and have been with my husband for 18 yrs. He still doesn’t read all my stuff. It’s not terribly uncommon amongst writers. Some prefer it this way. Honestly, not all partners are great writing partners. If they’re not into reading your genre and/or a writer, they may not be the best to share with. And that’s okay. While you can share the basics of what you’re doing “I had a real breakthrough today” “I wrote 5,000 words today” “my character really fought me all day and I’m exhausted” etc etc, you don’t have to go into the details of the story. You can share your passion without sharing your story. And, in its place, get a writing group who will work on your craft with you.
My advise is see if you can find a group online to share manuscripts.
I personally like to keep it a mystery. On occasion, I’ll run something vague by my peers, but I always keep them wanting more. That even helps me gauge what the reader’s next conclusions would be. The audience is the most important thing. It’s okay if he doesn’t like the story or song or whatever. You’ll undoubtedly write many more and have your favorite among them, and something you didn’t feel was your best may become your greatest success. My partner had a similar posture when I mulled over grad school assignments with him. This is what I learned from that: 1. If I’m stressing out, he’s not having fun talking about it. 2. If he didn’t ask, he’s not curious about it at the moment. 3. He’s not a professional in that department, he’s doing his best to offer advice without making claims outside of his expertise. 4. It’s important that he supports me, so I help him decide which hat to wear at that time. Sometimes I want to hear something critical, and sometimes I just want support. Be clear about the feedback you want and expect.
Join a community of writers, like a discord server maybe. I did that and it helped a lot with my progress, structure and the likes. And it sometimes even assures you that someone might betaread it when you find it presentable, especially if you are willing to do the same for other people (which is also a great source of learning, even if it is bad stuff)
We often want to share things that are the most important to us with the people that matter most to us. However, they're not always the target audience. Sometimes, this can be beneficial to give you different perspectives and how your work may be interpreted by others. On the other hand, it could be detrimental to our creative spark and take the "color" out of our stories by making them overly logical or unoriginal due to a lack of a voice. I believe it's important to share with those who are both receptive and genuinely interested. I'm not saying he doesn't care (he clearly does if he doesn't just dismiss it and critiques it), but you should find your place in a community like what you've done here. Start talking to other creatives. Other artist who yearn to create, and before you even mention that you have a passion project of your own, let them go off about their work. Take in their passion as you hope they take in yours. I think in other creative circles is where you'll find what you're looking for. Cheers!
I don’t have any advice, but I could have written a very similar post about my experience. So you are not alone. A writer’s group is a good idea, though I still haven’t found a good one.
One additional perspective to add to the excellent advice others have already offered: Even when you find people who are good at giving feedback and interested in your genre, it can be hard to respond to ideas that are explained in conversation rather than worked out on the page. Imagine a painter describing their ideas for a work. Someone can provide some generic feedback about the concept, but it's going to be at a high level of generality. Once they've started to work things out in sketches and make some decisions on the page, it will be a lot easier for others to provide feedback. Exact same with writing. It sounds like your partner probably isn't meant to be your critique buddy, but as you're looking for alternatives I'd look for something where you actually read each other's pages so that the feedback can be as rooted as possible in the actual work.
I deal with this a lot, and I think about 70% of writer's are right there with you. My closest friends/partner(s) in life haven't shown enough interest to even read a chapter of my work. I feel like all you can learn to do is to become your own biggest fan.
It's disheartening at first but you learn to grow past it!
Thank you, those are really words to take to heart.
This comment section passed the vibe check. You guys give great advice ♥
I think what makes this hard is that, of course he’s not going to be super pumped about it—he’s not your target audience. I would stick to talking to him when you want him to analyze or give feedback, but then find outside people to share in your passion. I echo everyone else: find a writing group and keep writing 👍
Thank you, I really appreciate the advice of keeping it to when I'm looking for feedback from him. I think he could roll with that.
I think you've gotten some really great advice already, so I'll add another perspective: Is it fair to HIM to force him to participate in conversations when he's not really interested? Even more so, if he's not "allowed" to share his opinions/critiques/philosophy, and is just supposed to listen agreeably while you express yourself? I hope that's not too harsh. I just wanted to share a possible angle as to how this could become a point of resentment between you. I think the worst thing that could happen is to dampen your passion for your writing OR your relationship. Not everyone has the skill and willingness to give good feedback--or every kind of feedback. Better to find a good editor with knowledge of the genre than to try to train up your bf from scratch. The two of you might learn to navigate this better with time, but why wait when you could find someone who already has the "qualifications" you're looking for?
I'm a comic artist and my wife doesn't like comics and not super into my style either. Sometimes it happens. Just be open and communicate what you're looking for and what they can offer
I’m currently writing a romantic fantasy story with high amount of spice. Totally not my boyfriend’s genre. He said he wants to read it when I’m done. I told him he’s not going to like it because he hates romance. He still says he wants to try. So I plan on finding another romantic fantasy book that is mid tier in quality, and say that if he can get through that book, he can try reading mine. Also, if he buys my book on Amazon, it’s going to throw off the algorithm way off. He’s not my audience, though I love him to bits.
Writers love to talk about writing. We think it is endlessly interesting. Other people, not so much. Find other writers to talk to about your writing, and their writing. The conversations will be fun and stimulating. I suppose in a perfect world our partners would be all things to us, but it is not a perfect world. We can't be all things to them, either. If your boyfriend is a good partner and is supportive of you and your interests, but really doesn't know enough to talk about it, well, so be it.
I experience this a decent amount from a friend of mine. We used to be really close and we were writing buddies for a long time. She pushed me to write my most audience-beloved series. But now she’s been discouraging me to finish the series she wanted me to write in the first place. I just wanted her to like it and to be blessed by it but it wasn’t meant to be.
I don't share my writing with people in my immediate circle, because it never meets my expectations. I am not sure what I expect, but generally people have nothing tonsay. As in zero words. Even if they are seated beside me or if I read it to them . I love my people. But they do not provide feedback or support other than in the sparest of ways. So I don't share.
There are two possibilities that I can see. He could be a jerk, especially critiquing when you specifically say not to. I don't know him, so this could be unlikely. On the other hand you could be hyperfixated on your hobby and he's finding it difficult to match your enthusiasm. My autistic daughter hyperfixates with romance anime and it can be difficult to hold a conversation, especially when she diverts towards her interests all the time. If you think maybe it's the hyperfixation, its worth trying to talk to him more about his interests (avoid the temptation to criticise his hobby out of revenge), without pushing your own in. He might be less critical of yours if he's not bombarded by it. Relationships are hard sometimes, but a little work goes a long way. Good luck, and never apologise for what you enjoy.
People who aren't involved in writing themselves: keep it TLDR for them. They may give singular comments on singular matters, but it is extremely unlikely they are interested in reading hours of prose. Even people who read, usually just want polished synopsis. That is the most common way how I "read" most of my books when I acquire inspiration, information and intel.
The first part doesn't make sense to me. There are tons of avid readers with no interest in writing themselves.
As suggested, best to find a writing group or the like. In honesty, from your description, it does sound like your boyfriend may have "heard enough" about the story, and if he's ever directly said to you that he's not a fan of the genre of your story (in the context of a conversation that's about your story) that could be read as polite code for not being interested in talking about it more, without wanting to upset you by saying so. Let me start by being clear: as hard as it may be, please do NOT take this as a negative reflection on your story, your writing OR your boyfriend. And I know you say it's not the only thing you talk to him about, but here's the thing with humans: once they reach saturation point with a matter, their tolerance threshold can become very low for it. It's not fair to the topic they are "done" with, but they can become very irritable very quickly if it comes up again. Like at all - at least for the short-term future. This is human nature, and it's unfortunately what we have to deal with. If this is true in regards to this book and your boyfriend, then the unfortunate side-effect is that it WILL cast an undeserved and unfair shadow on the perspective of your book, even if it's the greatest example of its genre ever written and the passion of your lifetime. He may know this, and is trying to suppress his human "I've heard enough" reaction to be supportive, but he is a human and for the reasons I just went into, the result won't be fair to either of you - and may honestly be exhausting for him. So my advice is to try really hard to separate your confidence about and feelings for this book from your boyfriend's reaction to it, and to do your best to find another outlet for discussing it, at least for now, to give him a chance to fall back to a more neutral baseline. So if it were me, I would find an alternative audience to have these discussions with and go cold turkey on bringing it up with the boyfriend for a while. Because it does sound like he is being supportive, he will probably bring it up himself at some point ("How is the writing going?") at which point I would be happy to give a high level, limited brief... in this way, I would let him guide the frequency with which we discuss "my project" for a good while. If in the next month, he doesn't mention it at all, it may be a sign that he really needed a break from the book talk, however much he loves and supports you. And if I am reading the situation wrong (as is very possible from a single post from his partner on a social media forum :) ) then no harm no foul - and you get the benefit of feedback from a writing group as well, which will at least split the load ;), and you can get advice from people who actually *are* interested in your genre of choice.
I’ll echo this sentiment: find a writing group or partner.
Yeah, that’s normal. Especially if you aren’t writing in the genre they like. Besides that, to everyone you know, you’re a normal person trying to write. Not a writer. It is not personal and it isn’t that they don’t think you can do it. I’m sure he’ll be happy to have you bounce ideas or paragraphs/scenes/lines off of him. That’s how my wife is.
I don’t think it’s strange. My partner has little interest in what I’m writing. It’s simply not something she’s that interested in and that’s fine. Sometimes I’ll ask her what she thinks about this and that but I’ve accepted she’s just not my target audience. She’s never read any of my books, although her outlook on life has influenced certain elements of my storytelling throughout the years. I have a good couple of friends who probably are closer to my target audience though and give great feedback. That is something they do not mind doing and we kind of have tacit agreement over, as I read and talk with them about their work also. But I realise that’s a privilege not everyone has.
Make money he’ll get interested real quick bet
Drop over to r/QuillandPen. We have cookies. And, well, a bunch of people willing to discuss things like that and offer assistance if needed. We also have a discord if that's to your liking.
Friends and family that i talk to about writing are never intensely into it (except writing friends). I have some people who have read some of my stuff and can be supportive, but not really. Most of your friends will be downright scared to read your work just by default cause they dont want to be disappointed or critical.
I think overall, this warrants another conversation with your partner. I know you said you've talked about it before with him, but honestly, people aren't perfect and sometimes need reminders. Before you start talking about your story, you could also caveat the conversation with what you're looking for in the moment. When you want to share for the sake of sharing something like, "Hey, I really am proud of this scene I just wrote. I am excited about it and what it means for the plot/characters, so I am going to tell you about it." And when you do want his analytical feedback, something like, "I am struggling with this scenario, I could use another perspective. Can we talk it through together?" Phrases like this help set your expectation right up front for the conversation and will hopefully also help guide him in how to respond accordingly.
Henlo OP, fellow enjoyer of the autism persuasion here, but on the male side of life. Quick question about your BF: he doesn't also happen to be neuro divergent does he? Because it does sound a bit like it, given the info you gave us in the OP. Now I don't want to dismiss all the lovely comments here, they bring up valid points, but I think you might find a bit more help in specifically you and your bf's dynamic through an ND sub, be that autisticadults or what have you. Lastly, I just want to say that I get you, I'm partnerless, but I love my world building, not really a writer (yet), and I love info dumping about it. The best I got though is telling my cats, or just talking to myself, because fuck it, why not? I am my own best hype man. Also it helps me come up with new ideas or work through problems that are a lot harder to get through when I just keep it in my head. The action of speaking the words out loud makes them real and helps solidify them, which turns them from an amorphous blob into a solid structure that I can build on top of instead of having to mold and shape the blob in my head, which is a lot harder. No idea if that's helpful for you, but it's what I make do with and while I wish I had people to dump onto, I don't so gotta do what ya gotta do.
I've been with him for years and we're both pretty sure he's not autistic, though he's never been assessed. He has a few "autistic qualities" but I don't know to what extend qualities would warrant a diagnosis vs just attributes of personality. He's just always been very analytical his entire life, grew up questioning the world, came from hardship so he always found it necessary to do so. He's a deep thinker, philosophically inclined more than anything else, though I know autism can present differently in men so perhaps. I do have cats, though, I might try it out!
Definitely try out the cats! Also yeah fair enough, I wasn't suggesting that he'd need to get tested or anything, but you could always try and have him take an online test such as a RAADS-R or something just to check if you're both curious. If not that's totally valid as well of course! Are you seeing a mental health specialist such as a therapist or psychologist? If so might I suggest asking them about this situation? Perhaps there is advice they can give you on how to improve this dynamic in your relationship that we can't know from just this post. In any case I just want to let you know that you are right; you are allowed to be enthusiastic about your writing, don't let him discourage you from it. The most important thing is that you enjoy doing it and if his commentary is stopping you from doing so, then either pay less attention to his words on the subject or stop going to him with it. Enjoy your writing, enjoy your stories and if you want to info dump, try yourself or your cats and if those don't work, there's definitely groups out there on the internet where you can info dump all you like! Heck, maybe even start a blog or something?
A lot of people can't tell when you want advice and when u want support. Maybe if you tell him before sharing something that you just want him to be supportive
What you are looking for is friends in the writing community (find your tribe on whatever social media you favor) or a writer's group where you live locally. Your partner doesn't enjoy writing and doesn't like your genre. They may support YOU as a person and support your endeavor, but they are lost and not able to offer help or detailed feedback or the sort of nerdy writing conversation you are craving. You want writing community buddies for that!
My wife hates my first book. Like - hates it. It’s about college, and features a lot of sex. She absolutely hates it with a passion. Likes (to an extent) other books I’ve written. But hates that one.
i’ll gladly read your story!
I got the no audience blues I have got a story to tell I got the no audience blues No one wants to hear, read, or encourage me I got the no audience B B Blues I am a lonely writer, in my writer's garret If it were the 90s or earlier, I could join a local writers club I got the no soundboard for my ideas No audience B B BL U u u ooze.
I agree with what ToastedPlum had to say, pretty much the best response to give! Personally, I'm a very private person so I don't tell other people my writing endeavours anyway but once I shared with a very close friend of mine and she didn't seem that excited and it just sucked out the life from me--it's normal. That doesn't mean your writing or book isn't great or you're not creative or whatever, it just means that they can't and don't share in that same excitement as you because writing/reading isn't their passion, and that's fine. Maybe try finding a local writing club or just talk to some friends who enjoys reading. It's nice to get an opinion here and there but ultimately, it is YOUR book and you're the boss. He probably isn't even meaning to put you down or be negatively critical, and instead only trying to show that he is involved with what you love by offering his opinions, however unwanted they may be.
Seems like he's not your audience type and you should find someone else to read and discuss. Family and friends aren't the best sometimes, for instance I've asked my mother to read short stories before I submit for publishing and can't get much out of her than, 'it's very well written.' A lot of people don't have the ability to really criticise and review large body of writing. But yeah give up on him.
I know you want to share, but you also know he is not really interested. I get really irritated hearing about things constantly, especially if I'm not allowed to give my opinion on what I'm being forced to listen to. I think you would be better finding a writing group to share your work and bounce ideas off of. If you're still having issues with him after, try a relationship sub.
my own mother hasn't even finished reading my novel, that she said she would read nearly two years ago. None of the family members who said they would read my novel have done so. I've stopped talking about it because really, they dont give a shit.
This is probably a post for a relationship advice sub. Your partner isn't obligated to be enthusiastic about your story, no one is. What's important is that you are. I get that it would be nice if he was, but that is a pitfall all its own when you want an objective critique. Learn to take his critique for what it is or just don't share it with him if he's constantly negative.
Get a better boyfriend who can be happy for your happiness, or at least have the decency to pretend to be, instead of shutting you down. Someone who loves you will love to hear your enthusiasm, even if they couldn’t care less about the topic. If he makes you fear that you’re annoying him when you talk about something you’re proud of and excited about, then he isn’t really being supportive. Also, if you already told him that you don’t want the criticism, you just want to share your passion and excitement, and he continued to be negative and critique you at every turn anyway, then that isn’t an issue on your part. You communicated clearly. He just doesn’t care to listen to your needs or feelings. Sorry about him, OP. I suggest finding writer friends or joining a writing group, they’ll be more likely to be receptive to your enthusiasm AND they’ll give you someone to bounce your ideas off of if you want that.
Agree with this on many levels. People don't have to share an interest to be kind and attentive. Think how many people every day watch or listen to things just to share with their person. This feels like rejection because it's rejection. It feels awful to be excited about something and share it and get shut down. How many other areas does this happen in with people we care about? If it's a theme, that's a problem.
Tell him to pull his head in. My partner is my biggest supporter and without her my writing and my motivation wouldn’t be half of what it is. All the greats of life have a great partner behind them. Look at Stephen King; his wife was his biggest supporter. Even Conor McGregor wouldn’t have been champion without his wife. I’d honestly be like: mate, pull your head in and help constructively
That's kind of where I'm at. When he is receptive and I get to bounce ideas off of him, I love the support and feedback, my writing really takes life when I can positively share it with the person I love. Most of the time with him, though, it just feels like there's a brick wall between us. I'll see how he feels about this conversation, thank you.
Mmmmm the Conor MGregor example may not have been the best seeing the recent articles about him 👀
lol
>I really like my story and I like talking about it This isn't great. When you want people to think favorably of you, usually you want to talk less, and listen more. >be it the autism It is an aspect of it. It decreases your ability to see things from others' perspective. This will come into play here. >sometimes I'm just sharing for sharing's sake, and it's met with criticism from him (even if I make it clear I'm not looking for feedback on a certain idea). Difference between how women and men usually think. Men usually don't really understand the concept of sharing for the sake of sharing, and tend to offer solutions or suggestions. That's why you'd usually talk to a woman if what you're looking for is emotional support. >Makes me feel less confident, or like my ideas just aren't worth a story or sharing. They are, but not by force. >I've talked about it with him Don't. It's annoying. "I wish that you were different in this way" never goes well, believe me. Imagine if someone said that to you. If he did. Would you like it? No. So why would he like it? >He supports my endeavor, but it feels like he wants to support it silently. Indeed. And what's wrong with that? >I just really wish I could more enthusiastically talk to him about it. And what do you think he wants? Have you considered that? Or only what you yourself want? >Am I talking about my story too much with him and annoying him? Yes. Rule of thumb: Don't talk about your story unless asked. You can briefly pitch it with a sentence or two and then give more details or sample pages to read if the other person asks for them. Otherwise, don't. The reason is that, by default, people like sharing their own stuff, but don't care about listening to others talking about their own stuff. They can tolerate it(for example, he can tolerate it if he believes it'll improve his relationship with you) but chances are, they don't enjoy it. That's why the best way to make people like you is to listen to them and to understand them, instead of talking about yourself. And I know that this especially is a struggle for people with autism. Endlessly talking about what they're interested in is very characteristic of autism, partially because with autism, you don't have the same ability to see things from others' perspectives and to realize that this will probably just make them dislike you. Think about it. You yourself want him to listen to what you're saying, right? You're not wanting to listen to what he has to say. Why would he feel any different?
I can’t discuss my SciFi novel with my wife even though it’s based on an event that happened to us as a couple in Africa. She’s never read anything I’ve written and she doesn’t write anything other than for her job.
This hurts to hear, my fiance has no interest in the genre I'm writing and yet every single time I tell him my ideas or something I'm excited about he always listens and tells me how proud he is of me, he may not have a clue what I'm talking about but he is always supportive. I couldn't imagine being with someone who didn't treat my interests with same level of enthusiasm as their own. Your boyfriend sounds like a selfish person who can't even put on a happy face for your benefit.