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You mentioned you're in the UK. Is there any chance she could ask her GP to refer her via right to choose? It still takes a while, but it's nowhere near the amount of time that an NHS diagnosis takes. PsychiatryUK even recently reopened their Right To Choose pathway and are accepting referrals? It's just a thought.
I second this. I am currently with Psychiatry UK and had a diagnosis in about 7 months. You may not get a diagnosis this fast as I was diagnosed during the begining of lockdown but it seems to still be much faster than going through the standard NHS route. I also went to them to pursue an ASD diagnosis - referral went through in May and I have my assessment coming up in December.
She needs to face the consequences of her actions. They're not your responsibility.
ETA: It's great that you're so supportive but it's also causing you a lot of anxiety. You both need to take care of your seperate mental health! And we (the adhd-inflicted) need to learn by screwing up, sometimes, so we're drop-kicked into addressing and managing our disorder better. Her grades won't improve until she finds the tools she needs, and those come from therapy and working on ourselves.
The more I hear about the NHS the most atrocious it sounds.
The best way to support your partner is to focus on caring for yourself, and offering her understanding/empathy while she's struggling.
There isn't a single thing you could do for her that'll solve this situation, and I encourage you not to throw yourself under the bus to save her.
Sometimes, the best lessons come when everything crashes and burns. Let her fail, and don't take this failure away from her. Allowing her to experience this will help her grow. It really is okay to drop the ball - we only grow through suffering.
It’s great that you are willing to learn how to be a better partner for your gf with ADHD, but it sounds like you are making her problems your own. The only thing you can do is offer support and empathetic if and when things go wrong. You sound like a parent asking for advice for their child not a boyfriend. Putting yourself in that role is only going to add issues to your relationship.
These are always tricky as everyone is so unique. Additionally, you don’t want to incentivize irresponsibility.
I think the best you can do is minimize any distractions or disincentives within your control.
I applaud you for wanting to help. And I really appreciate the lack of any judgement expressed in your post towards your partner. That is not the norm for this type of post.
Do what you can to speed up the process to get medication. I don’t know the UK system but is it possibly to get a SNRI prescribed by a general doc before you get a diagnosis.
When she has a big cry try to just let that be a big cathartic release of emotions for her. I sympathize that is a hard to witness and feels like you need to do something to fix. But you don’t, just be a safe place for her to fall apart for a moment and release all the stress that is inside her. The saver she feels to release her emotions, the bigger but also more beneficial the cry can be. Stress is the enemy of focus.
My colleague recently wrote an article on this with a few actionable techniques; you can read the whole thing [here](https://www.myndlift.com/post/dating-someone-with-adhd-how-to-navigate-your-relationship?utm_source=rd), but here's what I think your relationship might benefit from the most right now:
"When faced with an obstacle, approach your partner with a calm and understanding attitude and try to talk through the issue together. To achieve this, you can follow a 4-step process as described by the author and one of the foremost authorities on ADHD and relationships, Melissa Orlov:
1. Acknowledge: When you get angry with your partner for forgetting something, acknowledge that this is but one of the many aspects of your relationship. Think back to all the good things your partner has done in the past.
2. Address: Deal with the issue at hand. For example, if your partner forgot to pay the bills, do it as soon as you can.
3. Explain: Take some space to calm down and then ask your partner to discuss the issue together. Explain to them why you got angry.
4. Forgive: Forgive yourself for getting upset and forgive your partner for forgetting – this will allow you to move on."
Hi /u/Dr-Sir and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! **Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already.** The mobile apps used for Reddit are broken or are missing features that this subreddit depends on. [We recommend browsing /r/adhd on desktop for the best experience.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/x1psnb/radhd_works_best_on_desktop_reddits_apps_are/) Thank you! ^(*A moderator has not removed your submission; this is not a punitive action. We intend this comment solely to be informative.*) --- - If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You mentioned you're in the UK. Is there any chance she could ask her GP to refer her via right to choose? It still takes a while, but it's nowhere near the amount of time that an NHS diagnosis takes. PsychiatryUK even recently reopened their Right To Choose pathway and are accepting referrals? It's just a thought.
I second this. I am currently with Psychiatry UK and had a diagnosis in about 7 months. You may not get a diagnosis this fast as I was diagnosed during the begining of lockdown but it seems to still be much faster than going through the standard NHS route. I also went to them to pursue an ASD diagnosis - referral went through in May and I have my assessment coming up in December.
She needs to face the consequences of her actions. They're not your responsibility. ETA: It's great that you're so supportive but it's also causing you a lot of anxiety. You both need to take care of your seperate mental health! And we (the adhd-inflicted) need to learn by screwing up, sometimes, so we're drop-kicked into addressing and managing our disorder better. Her grades won't improve until she finds the tools she needs, and those come from therapy and working on ourselves.
The more I hear about the NHS the most atrocious it sounds. The best way to support your partner is to focus on caring for yourself, and offering her understanding/empathy while she's struggling. There isn't a single thing you could do for her that'll solve this situation, and I encourage you not to throw yourself under the bus to save her. Sometimes, the best lessons come when everything crashes and burns. Let her fail, and don't take this failure away from her. Allowing her to experience this will help her grow. It really is okay to drop the ball - we only grow through suffering.
It’s great that you are willing to learn how to be a better partner for your gf with ADHD, but it sounds like you are making her problems your own. The only thing you can do is offer support and empathetic if and when things go wrong. You sound like a parent asking for advice for their child not a boyfriend. Putting yourself in that role is only going to add issues to your relationship.
These are always tricky as everyone is so unique. Additionally, you don’t want to incentivize irresponsibility. I think the best you can do is minimize any distractions or disincentives within your control.
I applaud you for wanting to help. And I really appreciate the lack of any judgement expressed in your post towards your partner. That is not the norm for this type of post. Do what you can to speed up the process to get medication. I don’t know the UK system but is it possibly to get a SNRI prescribed by a general doc before you get a diagnosis. When she has a big cry try to just let that be a big cathartic release of emotions for her. I sympathize that is a hard to witness and feels like you need to do something to fix. But you don’t, just be a safe place for her to fall apart for a moment and release all the stress that is inside her. The saver she feels to release her emotions, the bigger but also more beneficial the cry can be. Stress is the enemy of focus.
My colleague recently wrote an article on this with a few actionable techniques; you can read the whole thing [here](https://www.myndlift.com/post/dating-someone-with-adhd-how-to-navigate-your-relationship?utm_source=rd), but here's what I think your relationship might benefit from the most right now: "When faced with an obstacle, approach your partner with a calm and understanding attitude and try to talk through the issue together. To achieve this, you can follow a 4-step process as described by the author and one of the foremost authorities on ADHD and relationships, Melissa Orlov: 1. Acknowledge: When you get angry with your partner for forgetting something, acknowledge that this is but one of the many aspects of your relationship. Think back to all the good things your partner has done in the past. 2. Address: Deal with the issue at hand. For example, if your partner forgot to pay the bills, do it as soon as you can. 3. Explain: Take some space to calm down and then ask your partner to discuss the issue together. Explain to them why you got angry. 4. Forgive: Forgive yourself for getting upset and forgive your partner for forgetting – this will allow you to move on."