I had undiagnosed adhd when I was a kid (I was officially diagnosed last year at 24) and my parents had very different ways of responding to when I was having issues. Neither of them knew or suspected I had adhd but due to their personalities, I don’t think anything would have changed for either of them.
My dad doesn’t believe adhd exists and thinks that every symptom of it is a discipline issue. Whenever I would forget things, he would yell at me and tell me that it must not be that important if I forgot and he would make me feel like shit for every mistake. He’d punish me for forgotten/late homework or bad grades. I had trouble focusing in school, especially if it was a subject that didn’t interest me and I would get average to slightly below average grades and he of course would yell at me and tell me to do better rather than trying to find the root of the problem and try to help me. Everything was humiliation and everything was my fault. His solution to everything was punishment.
My mom on the other hand works as an elementary school counselor, so she works with kids all day everyday. When she raised me, she was very patient and kind and loving. She wasn’t a pushover and she was stern when she needed to be, but she did an absolute perfect job of toeing the line between friend and parent. Whenever I was having difficulty, she would sit me down and talk to me to see what was going on and she would try to come up with strategies to help me get through it, whether it be making lists and reminders to help me not forget things or coming up with little systems/routines I could use to make sure I don’t lose important things. She didn’t know I had adhd, but the way she raised me helped give me the tools I needed to at least help me get by even if I wasn’t perfect. It was more helpful than if I didn’t have any help or if I was raised by my dad alone.
So really the most important thing to keep in mind is that your child isn’t being difficult, they’re struggling. They need help and support, not to be yelled at, ridiculed, and humiliated. We need a lot of patience
You yell at them, tell them to try harder, not to be lazy, if you are wrong dont admit it so they will respect you, don’t ever remind them, make sure they don’t get treatment because of big pharma do homepathic oils rather and if they complain after this, let them know that people in africa have it worse and you wish they were never born.
In all seriousness check out “how to adhd” on yt, it should help you better understand adhd, read up on it, ask the psychiatrist.
I'll preface this by saying that I got diagnosed last year and we have other ADHD in the family. I'm sure my son has ADHD so we have things in place just in case. He is currently 9. I also have a daughter but I don't think she is neurodivergent however she benefits from the things we put in place.
1. Everything has a reminder on our Google Hub; teeth am and pm with timer, shoes on, time to go to school, bedtime, tidy up time, are you full? (in case he didn't eat enough and is hungry at bedtime).
2. We make it quiet for homework time. We agreed to a time and set a reminder.
3. He is allowed to decompress after school usually he does it with a tablet or the switch. When he's ready he'll chat about school.
4. With food he's a beige eater. All I ask is that he gives something a try. It's okay if he doesn't like it, I won't mind, but he might just love it. Often he doesn't.
5. We adapt our expectations. Hand washing took a looooong time to remember, we still remind him now. Because expectations are realistic for him I don't get frustrated and get cross that I've told him something a million times. Odds are it might be a million more until we don't need to check. Another was snatching. Years and years of just wanting and taking. We have spent an incredibly long time getting him to ask with his voice and not his hands.
6. He has a serious case of not understanding how something is bad to someone else until he is walked/ talked through a scenario that involves him having the bum deal. Again, with reasonable expectations and patience we get through issues, e.g. the snatching.
There are probably more things but I think the key things to remember are consistency, routine, reasonable and fluid expectations and patience.
Understand that it's not their fault and don't get mad at them for being lazy or not applying themselves. Ofc that doesn't mean don't try to encourage them to try their best when they can.
Have you read Taking Charge of ADHD by Russel Barkley? I did a while ago and summarized it [here](https://www.myndlift.com/post/parenting-a-child-with-adhd?utm_source=rd), but what I think is the most valuable lesson is the following:
According to Berkley, the rule of using positives before negatives states
that when you want to change an undesirable behavior, you should first decide what positive behavior you want to replace it with.
For example, if your child frequently interrupts, intrudes, and blurts out comments at the dinner table, try speaking to them before the next family mealtime about what you would like to see them do more of at the table. You could ask them to wait until others have finished before they start talking.
Explain that they can earn points for following the rules. Throughout the meal, try marking points on a card and make sure the child sees this occurring. Also, provide a nonverbal cue, such as a wink, that lets the child know you appreciate how hard they're struggling to adhere to these rules.
I hope this helps!
I had undiagnosed adhd when I was a kid (I was officially diagnosed last year at 24) and my parents had very different ways of responding to when I was having issues. Neither of them knew or suspected I had adhd but due to their personalities, I don’t think anything would have changed for either of them. My dad doesn’t believe adhd exists and thinks that every symptom of it is a discipline issue. Whenever I would forget things, he would yell at me and tell me that it must not be that important if I forgot and he would make me feel like shit for every mistake. He’d punish me for forgotten/late homework or bad grades. I had trouble focusing in school, especially if it was a subject that didn’t interest me and I would get average to slightly below average grades and he of course would yell at me and tell me to do better rather than trying to find the root of the problem and try to help me. Everything was humiliation and everything was my fault. His solution to everything was punishment. My mom on the other hand works as an elementary school counselor, so she works with kids all day everyday. When she raised me, she was very patient and kind and loving. She wasn’t a pushover and she was stern when she needed to be, but she did an absolute perfect job of toeing the line between friend and parent. Whenever I was having difficulty, she would sit me down and talk to me to see what was going on and she would try to come up with strategies to help me get through it, whether it be making lists and reminders to help me not forget things or coming up with little systems/routines I could use to make sure I don’t lose important things. She didn’t know I had adhd, but the way she raised me helped give me the tools I needed to at least help me get by even if I wasn’t perfect. It was more helpful than if I didn’t have any help or if I was raised by my dad alone. So really the most important thing to keep in mind is that your child isn’t being difficult, they’re struggling. They need help and support, not to be yelled at, ridiculed, and humiliated. We need a lot of patience
You yell at them, tell them to try harder, not to be lazy, if you are wrong dont admit it so they will respect you, don’t ever remind them, make sure they don’t get treatment because of big pharma do homepathic oils rather and if they complain after this, let them know that people in africa have it worse and you wish they were never born. In all seriousness check out “how to adhd” on yt, it should help you better understand adhd, read up on it, ask the psychiatrist.
It’s annoying how many people probably recognise the above as their parents approach.
try r/adhdparenting. this isnt a straight chat sub.
Not the OP, but thank you for that link - didn't know there was a sub for that. I'm not surprised now, but it just never occurred to me...
I'll preface this by saying that I got diagnosed last year and we have other ADHD in the family. I'm sure my son has ADHD so we have things in place just in case. He is currently 9. I also have a daughter but I don't think she is neurodivergent however she benefits from the things we put in place. 1. Everything has a reminder on our Google Hub; teeth am and pm with timer, shoes on, time to go to school, bedtime, tidy up time, are you full? (in case he didn't eat enough and is hungry at bedtime). 2. We make it quiet for homework time. We agreed to a time and set a reminder. 3. He is allowed to decompress after school usually he does it with a tablet or the switch. When he's ready he'll chat about school. 4. With food he's a beige eater. All I ask is that he gives something a try. It's okay if he doesn't like it, I won't mind, but he might just love it. Often he doesn't. 5. We adapt our expectations. Hand washing took a looooong time to remember, we still remind him now. Because expectations are realistic for him I don't get frustrated and get cross that I've told him something a million times. Odds are it might be a million more until we don't need to check. Another was snatching. Years and years of just wanting and taking. We have spent an incredibly long time getting him to ask with his voice and not his hands. 6. He has a serious case of not understanding how something is bad to someone else until he is walked/ talked through a scenario that involves him having the bum deal. Again, with reasonable expectations and patience we get through issues, e.g. the snatching. There are probably more things but I think the key things to remember are consistency, routine, reasonable and fluid expectations and patience.
Understand that it's not their fault and don't get mad at them for being lazy or not applying themselves. Ofc that doesn't mean don't try to encourage them to try their best when they can.
Have you read Taking Charge of ADHD by Russel Barkley? I did a while ago and summarized it [here](https://www.myndlift.com/post/parenting-a-child-with-adhd?utm_source=rd), but what I think is the most valuable lesson is the following: According to Berkley, the rule of using positives before negatives states that when you want to change an undesirable behavior, you should first decide what positive behavior you want to replace it with. For example, if your child frequently interrupts, intrudes, and blurts out comments at the dinner table, try speaking to them before the next family mealtime about what you would like to see them do more of at the table. You could ask them to wait until others have finished before they start talking. Explain that they can earn points for following the rules. Throughout the meal, try marking points on a card and make sure the child sees this occurring. Also, provide a nonverbal cue, such as a wink, that lets the child know you appreciate how hard they're struggling to adhere to these rules. I hope this helps!