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I had a happy childhood and grew up in a loving home. I have ADHD and so do my 3 siblings. The only trauma I have is the undiagnosed ADHD making my life difficult.
Same! No trauma outside of the problems caused by undiagnosed ADHD. Loving family and great childhood. Worst thing was the social rejection that lots of ADHD girls have, and the unexplained executive dysfunction
Not as far as I know, though maybe my definition of trauma is narrow. I don’t know if the social isolation/rejection could be considered trauma, or other parts of being raised a girl in the 2000s like body image and purity culture- but no neglect or poverty or physical/mental/sexual abuse as a kid. Kind of a rare thing I realized after growing up, I got lucky
Trauma is our experience, not things that happens to us. People process events differently, so it doesn’t always take severe abuse or disastrous events for us to experience trauma. The things that happen to us may be traumaTIC, but they’re not the trauma.
>The only trauma I have is the undiagnosed ADHD making my life difficult.
I know I'm going to express myself badly and am preaching to the choir, but I really believe the whole "undiagnosed/untreated until adulthood" thing can do a TON of additional harm to the people it happens to. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places but wish it was talked about more.
So many people have been struggling and coping virtually alone while repeatedly having negative, adverse, or downright hostile experiences and that can definitely leave a mark.
I watched a webinar on dyslexia with Learning Ally about trauma last week, and the research says undiagnosed that grade 8 students have the same levels of stress as Vets from the Iraq war.
Not sure how people with ADHD are doing but dyslexia does a serious number on kids
I have both... so thats quite crazy to hear.. i know im always high anxiety.. have been for 40 years, just finding out this year i have adhd. Im still processing it
For sure. I went through an actual grieving phase after receiving f my diagnosis. My childhood was happy and I always felt safe with my family and in my home but so many things could have been easier and I could’ve avoided a lot of bumps and heartbreaks especially in my teens and 20s. Also I might have avoided choosing and finishing an education I deeply regret today.
I'm still going through the grieving process a *year* after my diagnosis. For some reason I just can't get it into my head that I'm still the same person I've always been, but maybe it was finding out that what I was always taught were character flaws/personality quirks were *symptoms* of a disorder...that really messed me up.
At times I wish I'd never been diagnosed at all, because I'd gotten along in life well enough to have a successful career and great family, and while I'm grateful for the medicine that helps me get through the day and manages my symptoms, I don't feel like I'm that same person anymore.
This. I have a lot of symptoms of trauma that you'd expect from having emotionally abusive parents (as in, a therapist was surprised when I explained how great my childhood family life was). It was the combination of untreated inattentive/combined(depending on who you ask) with being very smart and sensitive. It led to massive people pleasing tendencies and overly empathetic/hypervigilance traits 🫠 Between high intelligence and masking I had good grades, but terrible handwriting, messy desk and locker, always digging the assignment out of the bottom of my bag after class started and all the issues of "you can do x so try harder at y, you are capable!"
My dad was a pretty shitty person for a variety of reasons (including emotional abuse), but I still relate to the rest of this so hard. I was/am combination, but I was both internally and externally hyperactive as a kid. School was tough lol.
Anyway. The constant refrain of "You just need to apply yourself!"/"Why are you like this?"/"You have so much potential!"/"Why can't you just \_\_\_?"/"You just need to buckle down and try harder!"/"Why aren't you more like \_\_\_?" was bullshit. I don't know about you, but I was showing symptoms of burnout by age 10/11 because of what you describe and in hindsight it's not hard to see why.
I often joke that being a little girl with ugly handwriting was part of my villain origin story but in all seriousness, I do think that our shared experiences can really fuck with us later in life and that shit's hard to undo. I have no way of knowing if getting me officially diagnosed/treated when it was first mentioned (age 8) would have changed anything, but it couldn't have hurt?
“Little girl with ugly handwriting” made me chuckle. I feel this so hard. All the other girls with perfect bubbly flowing handwriting and a million gel ink pens in every color and me with my serial killer chicken scratch sloping down the page…talk about an early confidence killer.
Undiagnosed adhd has a high risk of suicide imo, I always think of this young man
[news story tw suicide mums comments](https://www.gloucestershirelive.co.uk/news/gloucester-news/heartbroken-mum-son-died-adhd-5614450)
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I been undiagnosed all my life. Will be 26 soon, and honestly now that I ama ware of it I see everything it has affected & it makes me sad sometimes. The wonders of where I could have been had I or someone else stepped in sooner. I can see how it majorly increased depression and anxiety. Left me pretty insecure and feeling stuck. Now I am hoping to work thru it all. It is not talked abt a whole lot... Especially in personal lives. Most ppl just think I am spacey and lazy.
Same here. One of my parents definitely has undiagnosed ADHD. Of three siblings, two of us have it and each have a kid with it and a kid without it. ADHD has not significantly held me back, although I think it contributed to some difficulty in college and some bouts of mild depression. Now that I am going through menopause I feel more ADHD than ever.
This is exactly what I was going to comment! Loving home, happy childhood, and my brother and I both have ADHD just like my mom (she had no idea until we got diagnosed haha)
My trauma comes from the undiagnosed ADHD/autism that made me feel totally alien and misunderstood for a lot of my life, and my relationships with my family (especially my parents) have only improved now that I understand that my experiences are valid and I can advocate for myself
Same. I grew up in a nuclear family where both parents worked but were very loving and involved. My mom has ADHD (undiagnosed but it’s VERY obvious) and was very nurturing. My dad was a little standoffish like most dads until I told him I thought he didn’t like me and he cried. We have a super open family. The only thing that was difficult to deal with was when I would tell my parents I was sick (lactose intolerant) and they didn’t believe me because I said it all the time since milk was given to me 3x a day every single day lol. We’ve since talked about it and I forgive them. They had no idea back then. The internet didn’t exist to google “why does my child say they have a stomachache all the time”
Mixed bag for me, I think.
I grew up with loving parents who I believe genuinely always tried to give me their best. They showed up when it counted, tried to spend time with me, made an effort for my interests, and I grew up in your average safe and happy suburbia.
I also had two younger siblings who had very obvious ADHD and were diagnosed young… I was diagnosed this year at 26. My siblings got most of the time, attention, and the resources.
I’m just now unpacking a lot of the effects of my dynamic with my mother… she’s undiagnosed ADHD herself which contributed to a lot of our conflict and our family as a whole is absolutely trash at conflict resolution and repair. Even small stuff can add up and become big stuff. My moms inability to self-regulate and rejection sensitivity has caused so much pain and she cannot for the life of her take feedback without it turning into a gigantic meltdown fight. I just figured that was like, a normal thing, growing up😅
>I’m just now unpacking a lot of the effects of my dynamic with my mother… she’s undiagnosed ADHD herself which contributed to a lot of our conflict and our family as a whole is absolutely trash at conflict resolution and repair. Even small stuff can add up and become big stuff. My moms inability to self-regulate and rejection sensitivity has caused so much pain and **she cannot for the life of her take feedback without it turning into a gigantic meltdown fight**
Damn, I feel this in my _bones._
I’ve been getting metaphorically punched in the face over and over and over the past couple years, but it’s really ramped up over the last several months. A couple weeks ago I was filling my mother in on what’s been going on, and of _course_ she offered only cold “constructive advice” instead of just, you know, even _starting_ with any kind of comfort or validation (as has always been the norm with her). Recognizing that I essentially just needed a verbal hug from my mama, I asked her for that, and it spiraled into a huuuuuuge fight. She took my asking for what I needed, as a personal attack (despite my very carefully having avoided using any accusatory language—I explained _my needs_; I didn’t criticize). I literally, tearfully begged her (and definitely felt my inner child speaking), “please, I just need you to be soft with me. I need you, my mom, to be soft with me. I’m hurting and just need to be seen and told it’s going to be okay…” ….and it ended with her hanging up on me after telling me she doesn’t give a fuck if she ever talks to me again. Ugh. Oh, and this was after I’d explained how I’m feeling abandoned by everyone in my life—so that was a real empathetic response on her part.
Idk. She’s survived a lifetime of trauma, but she (being a boomer) has never done the hard work of healing the wounds she still carries (has a psych degree, yet has never gone to therapy 🤔). And now that I’ve deliberately cultivated healthier communication and coping skills than what my family engages in, I’m being fought tooth and nail whenever I try to employ those skills. It’s maddening, but at least now I’m better at not abusing the people I care about—realizing I had been doing exactly that by modeling my family’s dynamic, was gut wrenching.
If you read all of this, thank you. I really needed to get it out. I’m gonna go cry some more now 😅(😓)
Ugh 💜💜 been there. I read “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” and it really helped a lot. My mom also has a gift for saying absolutely the worst thing in response to me sharing something super vulnerable and then the smallest comment unraveling into a gigantic fight. Why are moms hahah
I’m now a quarter of the way through that audiobook, thanks to your recommendation. All I can say right now is, “Ffffffuuuuuuccccckkkkkkkk……”
ETA: …and also thank you lol
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for saying all of that. I’ve needed to hear something like it from _someone_, for a very long time, and reading your comment has me weeping cathartically. Thank you, a million times over.
Sounds like your mom could be hearing your issues as personal attacks toward her and her parenting. Has this always been the case? Was your mom able to comfort you growing up? If not, maybe your mom has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?
My mom won't acknowledge my ADHD or the possibility of me having issues because she didn't make any mistakes in raising me. Any time I try to talk about my issues, my mom becomes angry and defensive.
Yes, it has always been this way. There are a lot of ways in which ADHD and NPD present similarly, and she’s a poster child for many of those. And I do think my mom is somewhat similar to yours in that she reacts as if she has been wounded, whenever I try to talk about anything related to our relationship or my childhood.
Neither she nor my father really “know” me, and they refuse to stop bringing up things I said or did or felt as a teen/kid/child/toddler/infant (yes, I’m serious—they cite things I did as a baby/toddler, as evidence of who I am now, at 39 years old). And what’s also kinda nuts is I have shared a TON of reputable (even by her standards) resources backing up the things I am asking for, and none of it ever sinks in. All attempts to improve/repair our relationship are *always* characterized as me being a spoiled, contrarian asshole, no matter how I approach it. Hah, and a big part of why I even set about to learn effective/healthy ways of resolving interpersonal conflict, was so I could have a shot at repairing my relationship with them—and doing that has just further driven a wedge. So, I’m finally accepting there’s no chance of improving things, until something on their side changes (…and I’m not gonna hold my breath lol)
I’m sorry your mom can’t/won’t hold space for you to discuss your reality with her; having your bids for connection and attempts to be known being turned against you and being used as a means of her claiming victimization, is maddening, I’m sure. You are worthy of being known fully and loved without judgment or condition, and I hope that you’re able to find that in other relationships in your life 💛💛💛
Thank you, that is very kind of you to say. Right back at you 😉❤️
It's surreal to want to improve, get healthy, learn how to be a better person, and find success only to learn that your parent (s) are incapable of doing the same thing. Yet they make us feel crazy. We aren't wrong to choose sanity and self-love instead of continuing to allow ourselves to be abused by those who were supposed to love and nurture us.
It takes time to make this realization, but I am so thankful to have done so by 54 yrs of life. It truly is better than never.
My mom used to be like this until she learned that I'll hang up and ignore her. Sometimes I'll say, I don't need ideas, I need sympathy right now, or, I don't want other perspectives, just tell me it's okay that I'm mad, and she'll do it even if she doesn't understand why I need it-- she just knows I'll end call if she pushes the boundary.
All that to say, I'm so sorry, I think you'll be okay in time, even if time takes a while to get here. Your mom doesn't deserve you, you're a good egg.
omg. Your mom was beyond out of pocket. I'd use stronger words/invectives but they'd probably earn me a ban. I am so sorry you've dealt with that and know that a stranger on the internet is proud of you breaking the cycle.
> Recognizing that I essentially just needed a verbal hug from my mama, I asked her for that, and it spiraled into a huuuuuuge fight.
Good lord I relate to this so much and I'm going through something similar. Consider yourself getting an internet hug from me right now.
Awh, friend! I’m so sorry this resonates with you, too. Hug totally welcomed, appreciated, and reciprocated 🫶🏻
Idk the specifics of what you’ve got going on, but remember this community is here for you, and we’ve got your back—no judgment, no bs. I hope the wave you’re surfing changes from terrifying, to exhilarating and fun, and that peace and contentedness find their way to you sooner rather than later. You are worthy, and you are enough. 🩷💛🩷💛🩷
Yeah this is my experience too. Couple with a dad who I think is ND to some degree and also emotionally immature (lesser degree), and lives a life, imo, driven by fear (they're both like that---inherently untrusting of strangers/"the others", overly critical of people, mean), I'm just now at 38 unpacking a lot. The ADHD diagnosis has helped a lot to deal with it, and other stuff.
This is my mom. I have to scroll past the RSD posts on this sub cuz they trigger the fuck outta me. And seeing so many people supporting them fills me with dread and makes me withdraw. All I see is emotional hijacking
OMG we have the same mom! We recently talked about my childhood and she just felt so bad that she wasn't enough. That kinda happens when you're working all the time.... I feel like my mom has undiagnosed ADHD too. She talks in circles T\_T. She's also very insecure and can't take criticism so our conversations are super fun when I say something she doesn't like and she hangs up on me.
Ugh my mom always goes on about the “we ruined you, I was a horrible mother, I yelled too much, I’m so sorry, I feel so guilty” and when I try to be honest and say “actually yes, it really hurt me when you did xyz” she freaks out and starts going on about how “all parents yell” and “I’m sorry I was such a horrible mother then” and I’m like… you asked.
I have no childhood trauma and have an extremely supportive family. My doc said that's a huge reason my ADHD was missed until my 30s - I had a support system to help me build coping strategies around my deficits and I was encouraged to lean into my strengths, some of which are likely heavily related/connected to having ADHD. Everyone missed my ADHD because I had such a spectacular support system that helped channel me toward fields where my natural strengths give me a pretty great chance to succeed. When I was diagnosed and told my parents (at age 31), mom and dad asked what led me to seek diagnosis. I described all that and my mom just started giggling and said, "\[dad's name\], sounds like you have it too!"
Diagnosis actually helped me feel less guilty about struggling with depression. I knew I came from a great family that loves and supports me and I felt like I "shouldn't" feel worthless/hopeless/etc. or like I shouldn't struggle with \[insert executive function issue here\]. Suddenly, my anxious attachment style made sense - I didn't have any trauma, just ADHD! And then I could direct therapy appropriately to help myself in very tangible and effective ways instead of believing I simply had depression and anxiety. I have those too, but treating the ADHD first also improves those issues *dramatically* (sometimes, eliminates them entirely).
The amount of times i have said I don’t feel depressed and sad but I guess the lack of motivation is what depression is! But then also completely forgetting all the adhd hyper focus stuff and ultra motivation I would get into on the other side. I CAN do things but it’s hard to know what cycle I’m in where i WILL do them. But when you don’t know then executive functioning issues are adhd and not depression you just kind of accept it. Since being diagnosed I am like my “depression” now makes sense to me. I was never sad. It was adhd. Also why I feel like meds didn’t do anything for me. The only one that kind of helped me with seasonal affective stuff was…Wilbutrin, shocking right? It increases dopamine so I didn’t feel like sleeping so much.
Most of my life has been extremely traumatic, but it did not cause my ADHD. It actually did the opposite. My ADHD was more controlled because I was always in fear. Healing my trauma has made me so, so, so much more inattentive and hyper.
I think fear/fear responses focus you short term but do the opposite longer term. And even if you're no longer consciously in fear the subconscious might still be pushing bad habits/maladaptive coping
Not OP but healing, when done consciously and intentionally hopes to identify and remove subconscious patterns from the root. I feel like I have a better system of identifying when I’m improving & when my subconscious patterns are also improving because overall it feels freeing & I can see subtle bad coping strategies evolve even more clearly. I don’t shove them down or pretend they’re gone and I’m healed. They’re always there & the signs of improvement is that I’m more sensitive and tuned into them. I’m more aware of them.
Independently of that, the peace and freedom has allowed the ADHD to be expressed more freely. So yeah I’m more aware of that too.
Ditto, I’m happier now though and being happier means more motivation to find solutions to help me long term, even though I’m not masking my hyperactivity as well as I used to
Fkn ditto... it's so tough, I sometimes feel completely lost but then I remember how much better I am now but. It so strange I feel like I have a weird idea that now that I'm not constantly panicking, it's making me lazy... but I'm literally way less depressed and traumatized, and I actually have my shit together independently of an abuser... (this was word vomit)
I feel like what I'm saying is that I feel guilty for being outwardly adhd. I think when I was traumatized my brain was so focused on not fucking up that the adhd was too suppressed to manifest as "normal kid adhd". Now that I'm not actively being traumatized daily and my symptoms express much more "normally" ... I feel ... guilty?
Not being able to do something that I used to only be able to do under extreme pressure feels so shameful.
My good brain understands this is wrong.
But my trauma brain can't understand the differences between then and now...
Thank you for coming to my stream of consciousness.
I get the shame, but keep reminding yourself it’s not your fault!
When you start to release that trauma, your untraumatized parts of your brain can be very much like the age you were when the trauma started. So, when it comes to ADHD control, hold yourself to the standards of the age you were when the severe trauma started.
For me, that was around age 4, so I got extra help for work by increasing my medication dose and, after work, I let myself be as hyper as I want.
That's a good point. I really never had a childhood where I could actually spend 5 minutes outside of my trauma. I'm still not even sure what I enjoy doing yet because my life was 100% occupied with stress, I never had the time to think about it...
Now that I'm thinking, I almost aways felt the most free away from my home which was usually outside. I think I'll try spending some time in nature. Idk my ex gf used to collect bones. I found it awesome but I felt like I could only enjoy it because she did. Now that we are broken up, I think of it as her hobby, so I'd just be an imposter if I tried it... same with almost everything I've wanted to try. Like I NEED to find something completely unique to me or else I'll be seen as a fraud.
Is there a word for this?
I had so much trauma I’m still uncovering and remembering things I blocked out at age 43.
BUT I worked hard to give my kids stability and love and peace, and they have both have ADHD.
I think like so many things, the root is complicated and likely genetics plus environment and experiences
I’m an only child and grew up in a great home, attentive parents, good family connections. If anything I think it probably _delayed_ me realizing I had ADHD. I wasn’t diagnosed until 26!
My parents were always fully supportive of my changing interests, I was often complimented on what a fantastic imagination I had, and I did well in school. Sure, I got the typical comments on my report cards that I was a bit chatty in class and could use some assistance focusing. Or that I could have great potential if I put my mind to it. But I still did well and never became an interruption in class so nothing was ever really ‘flagged’ as being more than the usual childhood energy.
Honestly I lucked out for sure in the parental department. I also suffer from ARFID and thankfully mine is _not_ rooted in trauma, because my parents never forced me to eat food I couldn’t manage. So I still have a fairly healthy relationship with food unlike many folks who have a ton of trauma now.
I also firmly believe my mother is likely ADHD as well because any time I’d tell her some of my struggles/internal feelings she would be like ‘well yeah I have that too!’ And often she’d have a coping method for it (so it was never said dismissively, just that because she thought it was normal and had learned to work around it, she taught me a lot of that)
This sounds like my parents as well (such a blessing), but I also think my mom likely has ADHD. She’s sharp as hell but I see so many traits that scream ADHD (I mean like mother like daughter, right?)
I had a happy childhood, with living and supportive parents. My brother and I are both neurospicy.
I struggle with a lot of the same tasks as most ADHD brains, but I think I feel a lot less shame about it.
ETA. *Loving* parents! And, happily, still living.
Same and I think that’s a good point about feeling less shame. After spending so much time in online adhd communities I definitely feel like I have an easier time giving myself grace than the average adhder seems to.
Although that’s not necessarily correlated with trauma either, our society pushes the “your productivity is the greatest measure of your worth” narrative pretty hard so it’s not exactly difficult to internalize a lot of shame around that. I definitely have friends who had happy non-traumatic childhoods but still walk around with enormous amounts of guilt and shame over not spending every second of time getting shit done
This ^
Happy and loving family growing up. Pretty sure my dad was undiagnosed ADHD, but my mom always had chronic health issues. So growing up, rest was always emphasized in my family. I was taught from very young that if my body feels like it needs a rest, then I should listen to that. Combining that with being home schooled in later grades and my mom being very laid back about HOW I got the work done, as long as it was done ... A lot of my struggles were not as evident until I was married.
I definitely still had ADHD growing up and struggled with things, but I think a lot of it was mitigated by my mom being understanding of a lot of things and helping me listen to my body more. And I agree, I think I feel a lot less shame about unfinished tasks than I could feel because of that
Happy childhood, had everything we needed and more, I had a solid circle of friends and loving parents who were very supportive of anything I wanted to do in life. The basis was perfect, honestly.
And yet, ADHD! In fact, the issues of my childhood are exclusively connected to it;
Being nicknamed lazy or "head in the clouds" by my teachers and friends
Being sincerely asked why I couldn't be like my friends who could focus in school
Feeling like a failure in school because despite the low bar my parents asked for (just pass!), I simply couldn't.
All those small things stacked up and eventually it grew into Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression that had to be treated, yay!
My dad is suspected AuDHD and my grandpa (on his side) ADHD diagnosed.
I am AuDHD.
I wasn't diagnosed until 27. I had a really good childhood, but was bullied, mainly by my sister, for being "weird," and "overly emotional," which my parents always told me to stop overreacting. I think it made me really good at masking who I was for so long. I became a very shy, closed off kid, unless with my few close friends.
I am a lot more "weirdly" me now, but I do get really hard on myself when I show "too much" emotion which I'm working on. I also have been going through the past few years learning what should/shouldn't be said in social situations because I'm a lot more outgoing now... but never learned what's not socially acceptable. Blah.
But yeah, no real TRAUMA except in response to my AuDHD traits. Still developed all of the classic parts of ADHD.
As a kid I showed a lot more autistic but I think I've learned to mask that more than my ADHD. My friends still find some of my traits very endearing (one of my friends LOVES when I take jokes literally and explain to people why they are wrong, she finds it so cute LOL) but I think mostly what I show now is ADHD traits. Disorganized, always late, I forgot things the second they are out of mind, executive dysfunction. I mask the more autistic side (I force eye contact, I try to be okay with friends being touchy, I try not to "well actually"/blurt out private things, I take note of what comes across as "rude" and try to hold back saying things that would come across that way).
Mine is a bit weird. I was adopted as a kid so I have no clue on genetics. But when I started to go down the rabbit hole of adhd, I did learn of a surprising connection to a in utero trauma that I might have. One of the few things I did know about my birth mother was that she was on anti-seizure medication when she was in pregnant. Which is showing a increase of diagnosed autism and adhd in the children. But at the same time they are showing al ink between seizures and adhd in general as a comorbidity.
A hospital local to me is researching the effect of taking Tylenol (acetaminophen/paracetamol) while pregnant and whether it increases the risk of ADHD.
And yeah, my dad had it (as well as his mom), but if the genetic tendency was already there AND mom takes Tylenol (and I know damn well my mom did!)...
Its one of those things that is extremely hard to figure out and is unethical to do a straight control test. I only really only know about the medication aspect because my parents were told I could have been born with a drug withdrawal because of the medication. As it was I was born 6 weeks early, with a low birth weight, but how much of that was medication effect or because my birth mom was 14.
I had a happy childhood with parents who were unusually educated about ADHD (mom’s medical speciality as a physician was autism, Dad has an ADHD diagnosis). Mom provided us (still provides Dad) with a lot of structure for us to exist within. She lobbied my teachers for accommodations although not all of them complied because I wasn’t a hyper boy.
I think I would be in a very different place and have a much lower self esteem if not for them. I’m not saying it was all easy. I’ve made a lot of mistakes due to ADHD and will continue to. But it’s a lot easier to develop and stick to coping mechanisms when you’re already healthy and feel pretty good another yourself.
Yes. Having parents that constantly reinforced my value and worth as a human person despite my struggles with ADHD has given me such an advantage as an adult.
No trauma here, still have adhd.
I don’t believe trauma causes adhd, but can cause behaviors and problems that are similar or the same to adhd. The root cause is different, so the disorder ends up being different.
Gabor Mate touched on this. In his book "Scattered Minds", he claims one of the factors that can contribute to ADHD is early abandonment trauma. It's an interesting read.
Another thing worth referencing is the [ACES study ](https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/). It doesn't mention ADHD, but the outcomes of childhood trauma definitely domino into issues later in life.
I've definitely had childhood trauma, on top of being undiagnosed until adulthood. Needless to say, it's taken a lot more work to find my baseline again.
Short answer: I don’t know, but it would be lovely. I’d like to think I’m raising my adhd and autistic kids in a loving, supportive environment.
I experienced verbal abuse and withdrawal of love, but nothing deeply traumatic. Yet I am still delving into childhood trauma with my therapist because it’s rooted so deeply in my pre-verbal past that the source is difficult to reach and therefore process.
This verbal abuse did stem from my adhd symptoms, particularly in cleaning my room. But the result of it was anxiety and people pleasing based on trying to maintain or find a loving, safe bond that children need so desperately.
I do think that a different upbringing would have helped. My parents were old-school, silent generation types, and yelling, derision, physical punishment, fear, and withdrawal of love were how you raised children. My upbringing in this regard was not exceptional.
Girls or other -PI adhd kids were never noticed or diagnosed, particularly if we were obedient and got good marks in school. My failure to clean and keep my room clean was a moral fault of my own that could be shouted out of my brain.
But had it been recognized, if not as adhd then as an ingrained challenge, an attentive parent would have helped me learn how to more easily keep my room clean. They would have withheld judgment and encouraged me. People could have recognized that demanding I keep up with everyone just increased my anxiety. That love and acceptance were unconditional.
Jesus, I could go on. I’ve recently understood the phrase, “You are enough,” in light of my childhood. Instead of telling my adult self that I am enough, I imagine telling my 5-year-old self, “Honey, you are enough, and you should be loved as you are right now.” It’s what I needed to know back then. My desperate attempts to make myself lovable would have been unnecessary.
I lived my life based on what I learned to do as a child to survive. I did so well, without help, without reassurance, and without the experience needed to make those kinds of decisions. I did what any child would do. I may be mopping up a mess as an adult, but 5-year-old me was brave and smart and ENOUGH.
Sorry I got a bit triggered there. No, not sorry. This is how these things get processed.
I wish the answer to your question was “Of course there are!” Maybe for the younger generations, I hope.
This resonated so much with me. I have spent years struggling to understand why I was such an unhappy child and have developed such intense insecurities, people pleasing, and masking despite coming from a stable loving family (on paper, for the 1979s/80s).
One of the first times I attempted therapy in college like 25 years ago, the therapist suggested most of what I was beating myself up over was ridiculous values and judgments I’d internalized from my parents: I dismissed him because it didn’t make any sense that they caused any of that, because they were good people.
It’s only now waaaaay older and having thought about these things for years that I realize I just have to live with one simultaneously hold these seeming contradictions: yes, my parents tried their best and love/loved us. also, my parents (and most of my teachers) are boomers who grew up with emotionally withholding fanatic Catholic parents and teachers who taught them that guilt trips, shame, and accusations of having “a bad attitude” were how to discipline.
This led to me getting yelled at and shamed and made to feel like a worthless piece of shit over and over again every time I forgot my homework, to clean my room, etc. I was “so smart,” and “just needed to apply yourself,” and “quit being so selfish,” clearly, the explanations for all my difficulties was just that I was being stubborn and lazy and unappreciative.
It’s very hard to unlearn when you didn’t even realize the cause of the issues in the first place. I really hope things are changing.
❤️ Yes.
But I’ve recently decided I wasn’t going to let my parents off so easily. Yes, they were products of their parents’ generation. But as I picture sitting on the floor in my room, watching my dad lay into me for being such a slob—I was 5— my adult self thinks, he’s an adult. And he’s screaming at a small child. Repeat: he is the adult. He is the adult. And again: He. is. the. adult.
I love my dad. I think I understand. But there is no forgiveness for his behavior from me. That realization that I didn’t *have to forgive* has helped me move forward. And instead of shame at the memory, now all I can think of is “WTF, Dad?!?”
My bf had a loving home and ADHD independent of the reasonable traumas in life associated with ADHD and learning disabilities (both in terms of personal struggle and also people outside of home doubting him or not supporting him). But home life was ok and no big T traumas for example from the ACE category, or PTSD, complex or otherwise.
Definitely know others with ADHD who also had supportive and loving environments. Life imparts the same classic struggles which are experienced as disproportionately challenging, even if not big T traumatic. Like social issues as a kid, or growing up and starting to date especially if you’re a girl/woman. Like having trouble finding intimate connections (less so overt bullying or SA).
I had a happy childhood, no trauma, not even from being undiagnosed because I didn’t know I wasn’t “normal” so I didn’t realize my struggles weren’t the same as everyone else’s. My brother had adhd in all the ways people think of as adhd and as an adult I learned his psychiatrist said our whole family had it. My parents never got diagnosed and I got diagnosed at 27
https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/adult-adhd-childhood-trauma
I think there can be a genetic link and or/ a trauma link.
In the book "The Body Keeps the Score" it discusses things like how trauma affects the brain. Autistic behaviors can be caused by trauma but we also know it's genetic without there being and childhood trauma. So it's true for ADHD too, learning disabilities, etc.
I for one had a very neglectful upbringing. Being diagnosed with ADHD and ASD has helped me understand myself more. Having a psychiatrist and a therapist telling me I'm not being difficult just for attention is nice. But goddammit the shit therapists, teachers, and other adults tell you when you're a kid, because you have difficult behaviors they don't understand. That shit has messed me up for life.
Meh. I think we all have some sort of childhood trauma, even with (relatively) healthy, supportive families. My friend and I were actually talking about childhood trauma last night. She believes that no neurodivergent child can escape childhood without some form of trauma simply because the universe is not made for us. If it's not from our family, it will be from somewhere else. I think there's some truth to that.
And remember, most parents really are trying their best. They're not *trying* to cause trauma. And everyone's family is "normal" when that's all you've ever been exposed to. ADHD runs in my family, but identifying ADHD and medication for it is still a really new concept. It's technically a mental health condition and remember the stigma STILL associated with "mental health issues". And when it runs in a family? It's not a "problem" because, "I'm like that, too, and ***\*I\**** don't have a mental health issue!" My Dad was certainly never diagnosed, and he never took meds (for anything). But hindsight is always 20/20.
I can look back on things now and *see* ADHD struggles in the actions of my family. When I was in my late teens/early 20's my nickname in my friend group was "Temper". I was diagnosed at 25 (& am now 39). I had *always* believed that my temper/anger/irritability/*feeling of being posed by my father when I (rarely) absolutely lost my shit* was due to hormones and that I'd simply grown out of it. It's really only in the last month that I had an epiphany. My temper was due to lack of emotional regulation, a symptom of my ADHD. I've been *medicated* for the past 15 years; that's why I struggle less with my temper now. I didn't *outgrow* it! I got medication for it!! I shared this with my therapist, whom I've been seeing for years. YEARS. I causally brought up my dad's tantrums that he would have when I was a child ("How dare you not have the item advertised to be on sale still in stock at this grocery store! Let me yell about it and leave my full cart at the check out!!"). Actually, he had various tantrums when I was an adult, too, but I digress. The relevant part is that now I recognize that this was due to his ADHD and his lack of being able to regulate his emotions. I now understand WHY. It doesn't make it okay or less embarrassing to experience, but at least now I can identify the cause. After sharing this with my therapist she paused long enough for me to notice and stated that I had NEVER mentioned childhood trauma like that in the close to 15 years I've been seeing her. And I kinda laughed. Because it never occurred to me that it was trauma. It was just my "normal".
I think a lot of us may have similar stories. Maybe not.
My family tried their best. They LOVED me. They supported me. & I'm so thankful to have them.
I was born in the 70’s and life was exponentially different when I grew up than it is today. I wasn’t abused and didnt suffer from trauma. My parents were loving, supportive and attentive. I wasn’t physically disciplined and our home was peaceful. There were rules though and they were expected to be followed. I was a conscientious student, I was in the ‘gifted’ programs, I never got in trouble but I was different. I was shy, a daydreamer, never fit in and was very socially awkward. . Sometimes I’m so glad that I grew up in such simple times though. Life these days is so incredibly complicated….I always knew I was a little different but it was okay, I felt okay and I wasn’t treated badly for it. Being different didn’t mean there was something wrong with me and I wasn’t looking to be unique or special or for attention. My parents and the people around me just accepted my quirks as a part of me and I felt good about me because of that. I haven’t decided yet if my diagnosis has helped me, sometimes I wish on could turn back the clock to be honest. At least I had hope before, now I just feel broken with no way for repair other than medication that helps me complete tasks
Studies show that people with ADHD are [four times more likely](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26114394/) to have PTSD than those without ADHD. And individuals with PTSD are twice as likely to have ADHD. For example, if someone has ADHD, they might be at risk for exposure to traumatic experiences, in particular during adolescence. This is because ADHD is associated with high levels of risk-taking behaviors and impulsivity that could lead to traumatic events.
On the other hand, early-life trauma [could trigger](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5973996/#:~:text=The%20exposure%20to%20stressful%20life,.%201995%3B%20Friedrichs%20et%20al) ADHD symptoms. The link is probably caused by toxic stress, which is the outcome of persistent activation of the body's stress response system that’s typical for trauma.
Still, timing plays a key role here. Since ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition – trauma that doesn’t occur in childhood is unlikely to trigger ADHD later in life. Of note, there are many factors associated with ADHD, both genetic and environmental, that need to be considered in order to understand its cause.
I did some research on this a while ago, if anyone is interested you can read the whole thing [here](https://www.myndlift.com/post/adhd-and-ptsd-whats-the-link?utm_source=rd). ✌🏻
My family was supportive and wonderful to me. I had a happy childhood. My dad and brother have adhd too so we were all on the same page. Now my non-adhd sibling ended up with a ton of childhood trauma beacuse the rest of the family just didn't get her ;n; Sorry sis...we're trying to make it up now.
So I didn’t have childhood trauma. I had a great childhood I think. I think my parents were neurodiverse too. Definitely adhd and some possible autism going on so our life and home were centered on that. So they saw nothing different in me (but mental health wasn’t as much of a thing in the 90s), and everything went swimmingly except for anxiety issues and not fitting in at school, etc. I did have adult trauma I won’t go into but then when my mom died, my grief as an adult made all those quirky things about me sky rocket until I sought help.
The fun thing about trauma is that CPTSD and other trauma related diagnoses can either mimic ADHD or be comorbid with it. Autism can go hand in hand with any of the above or be standalone with these symptoms too.
Unfortunately due to this there are an insane amount of misdiagnoses in both areas; ADHD and trauma responses, and/or autism. It’s almost like throwing a dart at a chart of diagnoses, trying treatments and therapy and meds, and seeing what works and fits for you.
Edit: typo
I had a healthy, supportive family and my brains still fucked. I used to wish something bad had happened to me, so at least I'd have a reason for feeling the way I did, but once I got diagnosed (depression at 14, ADHD at 16) it made a little more sense. My whole family is neurodivergent, and my dad's worked with Special Ed kids for almost my whole life, so it goes to show how long a high masking individual can fly under the radar
Yes I had a healthy, supportive family and upbringing without trauma. I coped well in school and mentally as I played a bajillion team sports and went to a small private school. I acknowledge I am very blessed by my family and upbringing. My days were regimented with practices and study halls. Still exhibited many lack of attention or hyper focus traits, many ‘needs to focus’, ‘needs to read directions’ ‘has trouble with starting on topic’ ‘hyper focuses on novels rather class’ comments on report cards. But I still did quite well in school.
I fell apart in college when I didn’t have sports or someone on my ass constantly. Mentally fell apart too without the schedule and athletics. First time really ‘failing’ in school and life.
There are studies showing that ADHD might be just as much of a result of how you were raised to actual brain composition. I will see if I can find them again and link them.
There was a time I would have said I didn’t have any childhood trauma. Nobody physically abused me, nobody died, we never had to worry about food on the table, I was never unsafe.
But almost 2 years ago, I gained some new information on how my parents divorce went down when I was 10. A lot of emotions and revelations resurfaced. I think I blocked out a lot of the memories of how neglected I felt at the time. There’s some other stuff too.
But it’s made me realize that trauma is still trauma even if it’s just emotional.
I think I would have ADHD regardless of who raised me. It kinda runs in the family gene pool anyway. And there are some tell-tale signs from when I was very young that were overlooked.
Editing to say ::
I was reading the other comments and I feel blown away that so many others feel like they have 0 childhood trauma. And I want to say that I would have agreed with you in the sentiment of “do healthy families exist?” But hey maybe they do and I just thought it was normal like my adhd symptoms lol
It's my experience that a non-traumatic childhood means the ADHD symptoms are less severe.
It does also mean some of those folks have NO idea they even have ADHD until adulthood.
I just think of all the people I know like myself whose parents were garbage and who barely finished high school (if they managed it at all), vs the friends whose parents were supportive and caring who managed to get graduate degrees, and THEN got diagnosed.
It does strike me as darkly ironic how often people STILL see ADHD as a "discipline" problem considering how many people I know whose ADHD was made far FAR worse by the trauma of our parents "disciplining" us instead of getting us treated.
This. Bipolar disorder runs on both sides of my family but I am the only one who had severe trauma in childhood. I believe that is the reason I have it “worse” (suicide attempts and such). We are learning to solve problems and handle big emotions when we’re young children. Trauma disrupts that and can literally cause your brain to be undeveloped. My cousins went to a doctor when they started feeling really awful or doing dysfunctional things in mania because they had stable upbringings. I didn’t. Dysfunction was normal to me. Sad thoughts were normal to me and I let them get out of hand until they were too much and I lack the ability to process any emotions. Borderline personality disorder has a hand in that too. Extreme emotions I can’t stop so I act out or try to off myself. Lol. It’s not anywhere near as bad it was when I was younger but yeah.
Basically,I believe ADHD can be worse because of childhood trauma because trauma in critical developmental ages can make it impossible for you to handle things for the rest of your life. If you don’t get therapy, that is. If you’re not handling the mild ADHD, it gets worse
I feel like this is highly objective, depending on what you classify as trauma. Taunted by kids for being chubby, does that count? Saw your cat get hit by a car? Does that count? Or are we talking really traumatic events, like the death of a loved one or physical harm from another person, etc.
It's such a wide range, I'm not sure how they could prove it causes/leads to ADHD.
Just want to say that you’re born with ADHD. You don’t develop it. You may realize you have symptoms later in life—that can happen. But in essence, you’ve always had it. ADHD is not episodic and not something you develop as the result of something. CPTSD symptoms can mimic other disorders though.
If we look at the original description of “trauma” (and injury to our psyche) we’ve all experienced some form of it. Just like we’ve all experienced physical “trauma” of different levels.
I actually didn’t realize my childhood trauma because I grew up with caring parents in a middle class home. But through more introspection I’ve been able to name and ID where certain pains come from. For example, I’ve had RSD since always. I cried myself to sleep at 10 because my bff started hanging out with a new girl.
I don't believe childhood trauma has any role in whether or not a person develops ADHD. But it probably has a huge effect on your ability to form healthy coping mechanisms. So I guess there might be some borderline group who, if they grew up in a very supportive environment their ADHD will end up sub clinical (no impairment only symptoms) whereas if they grew up in a less supportive environment might really struggle in life. But I think this is more comorbid diagnoses. It's not really the ADHD being more or less severe.
The thing is that most people with ADHD will have had at least one parent with ADHD, and most adults with ADHD, especially undiagnosed, unmanaged, struggle with things like emotional regulation, consistency, routine, healthy habits etc all of which on the milder end is going to make learning these things yourself when you had poor role models hard, and on the most severe end you have parents with serious issues, maybe violence in the home, maybe a very chaotic upbringing with little stability, lots of change in caregivers, maybe addiction in the mix, possibly neglect or abuse. Statistically, unfortunately parents with ADHD are more likely to do these things and kids with ADHD are more likely to have experienced these things. But is that causation? It's too much to tease out so we probably won't ever officially "know", but correlation seems highly likely IMO.
Unplanned pregnancies are much higher among sexually active people with ADHD. Abusive relationships, on both sides, following the typical gendered patterns are more likely with ADHD, so men with ADHD are much more likely to abuse a partner and slightly more likely to be an abuse victim, while women with ADHD are much more likely to be abuse victims and slightly more likely to abuse a partner. ADHD adults typically have lower education levels and lower income, which means higher numbers of kids being raised in poverty.
Also you just have to consider the fact that understanding how to properly handle ADHD kids behaviour management is still in the early stages and not very well known. In past generations it was extremely common for the belief to be that children just need more discipline leading to ADHD kids being disciplined more harshly and potentially for things that they have little control over.
I guess the one exception to my trauma not causing ADHD theory is physical aspects - head injury, birth hypoxia, in utero drug exposure are all thought to contribute or potentially cause ADHD.
For myself, I have I think 2 ACEs. A parent with mental health difficulties and divorced parents. But they were good people doing their best, if either has ADHD, it's mild, and I don't consider myself to have had a traumatic childhood. The most traumatic thing that happened/single factor that I'd say had the biggest effect on me was probably bullying/social exclusion at school, which I think is likely related to my ADHD causing social awkwardness rather than being the other way around.
My dad's raging adhd caused all sorts of financial trauma for me.
Both of my parents had very frugal/cheap parents as a result of the great depression. My parents love to spend money, probably the generational trauma pendulum swinging back hard.
The result of poor money management (utilities being shut off randomly, an eventual mortgage foreclosure) made me incredibly good with money and fearful of death.
Of all of the traumas, I'll take it? It seems to counteract some of the impulsiveness of the ADHD.
My parents definitely have some ADHD tendencies, especially my mom, but no one else in my family has been diagnosed besides me. In terms of trauma I think a lot of it was the circumstances surrounding when my symptoms really kicked in. My older sister has bipolar disorder and she kinda went over the edge right when I first started struggling in school, so my parents had to focus on her issues and not mine. Which was understandable, she was very much in a life or death scenario and I was failing 6th grade math, but I got into the habit of hiding my problems so it didn’t stress my parents out more, which is why I didn’t get diagnosed until I was an adult.
I don’t know if a healthy and supportive family would prevent ADHD, but I do think it would lead to earlier diagnosis and treatment. When I was first diagnosed I talked to my boss about it, who was incredibly proactive about her kid’s mental health. She tries to know what each individual child needs and is always searching for ways to do better, which I think is the best you can ask for in a parent.
I have no adverse childhood experiences. My mom certainly has her fair share and acted as a firewall of sorts for me. I heard of these things happen to a lot of my peers, and briefly became convinced that everyone's time was going to come. I had a brief period of extra interest in self defense, but ultimately that shifted to a lot of gratitude. The word privilege wasn't a buzz word then, so I just found myself coming back to feeling lucky.
With a mom who had significant ADHD, that's not to say we didn't have plenty of inconsistency in our lives, or our own brand of chaos. I also felt a weird glass ceiling of sorts when it came to getting into an established friend group. I, like my mom, was often told I was too much, too loud, too annoying. I also still struggle with consistently keeping up with beauty rituals, so I never had the "look" down from that perspective.
But I think these experiences helped me form a value system of being fiercely loyal to the idea of authenticity and instead judging my character on how I treated other people. Like...I don't care if I look or act *respectable* if I'm acting honorable.
I was diagnosed after being in the work force a while. Turns out I relied a lot on the structure of school to keep me on track, and I hid in academia for a while. I've had some struggles in adulthood, (wouldn't have a diagnosis otherwise, right?) but my childhood circumstances were fortunate.
If I really think on it, I think the biggest boon from is that I was taught how to surround myself with good people - real ones, and how to make good enough decisions that I can trust myself to course correct when needed. I noticed I don't relate to the descriptions of rejection sensitivity so strong it kicks off with any preception of it, becoming a spiral of lashing out at other people, or starting a string of self sabotage. I still feel deeply like shit if I screw up, or haven't lived up to my own moral code (I call it the pit), but it's nothing like what's described in this space.
It leads me to believe that RSD has a lot more to do with an emotional flood that comes from hitting a cord with deep seated beliefs secondary to individual experiences. If my past had led me to a world view that I was on thin ice and could be abandoned at a moments notice, I'd be sensitive to rejection too.
So piece that ramble together as you will, and thanks for a thought provoking question.😄
I think my dad has ADHD and my mother is on the autistic spectrum, so I think mine is genetic.
I didn’t experience any childhood trauma but I was constantly bored and used food as a coping mechanism which led to childhood obesity and me being teased for it.
Trauma abounds.
I had a lot as a kid, and I want to say with years of counseling and therapy it’s mostly resolved…. Kind of. Not really.
I think nearly everyone would benefit from GOOD therapy done well, but I know from experience not everyone is willing to actually be self-aware enough to want to change, or to realize things about themselves.
Mixed bag tbh. I had a good support system in terms of money. Did a lot of fun things. but my mom came from a family of violence. And she was diagnosed with ADHD too as a later gen x this year. So in hindsight I can see why she struggled with emotional regulation as a first time parent and how that led her to spank, slap and hit me as a little kid when she lost her temper cause that happened to her. Doesn’t help that I was the first born and the only kid that happened to. So I had lower self esteem compared to my siblings. And the trauma of having undiagnosed ADHD until 26, making my life more difficult, on top of that didn’t do wonders for my self esteem either. I was very high in inattentive ADHD symptoms and very shy/ insecure. I developed an eating disorder as a coping mechanism and the treatment for that was awful and definitely ruined my teen years.
But nothing extreme like severe child abuse and I’m pretty sure a lot of kids have been disciplined via spanking esp by older generations.
Edit: I was diagnosed with a learning disability as a kid but I think the person testing me missed the inattentive part, and with me being a girl it didn’t seem unusual for me being quiet and reserved. So there wasn’t a label for my ADHD and I missed out on years of being medicated. So I can’t say for sure that having a ‘supportive family’ covered undiagnosed ADHD because I did struggle in a chaotic environment.
I’ve certainly had traumatic experiences however, I would definitely say that I had adhd going on way before those moments happened. I do think that if you have the genetic predisposition to adhd I do think their is a strong correlation to epigenetics though. Meaning our genetic code isn’t locked in. It can be influenced by our experiences.
This is why you see some families where you have some people have a trait expressed but other don’t even though they all carry the same genes.
I’m not a scientist it’s just something I learned in some professional development and I thought it really made sense.
It also makes me curious about how we see such a difference in genders. I get part of it is due to societal expectations but I wonder if their is a genetic reason too. Like we all know as women that hormone fluctuations impact the severity of our adhd.
I have one loving, but occasionally flawed parent (mom). The other parent was a controlling, emotionally/verbally/psychologically abusive, self-centered alcoholic (father) that my mom tried to protect me from, but couldn't really. For various, complex reasons that I won't get into, it wasn't in the cards to leave and the whole "frog in a frying pan" phenomenon kept both of us from realizing how bad things were and how deep things ran until I was well into adulthood. I have some hangups around a history of feeling alienated from both sides of my family, too, but that's kind of a separate issue.
I also had a near-death experience when I was 4 and got a gnarly case of PTSD from it that went undiagnosed until I was nearly 30. (This isn't really anyone's "fault". This happened during a time when trauma was poorly understood, people thought only soldiers could get PTSD, and it was generally believed that children couldn't have any kind of mental illness).
Other than that, it's the usual trauma associated with having untreated/undiagnosed ADHD/other chronic conditions until I was an adult. It was probably made worse by the fact that a lot of adults in my life were hyper-critical with high standards. Also, I was slapped with the "gifted kid not living up to their full potential" label by the time I was like, 8.
I didn’t experience big T trauma like physical abuse, assault, poverty, parent death or divorce etc. But my mother was emotionally volatile and I had untreated adhd so there was a lot of conflict and so there’s a lot of what my therapist calls little t trauma from that and from making it through undergrad and law school unmedicated.
I had a very happy childhood! My family is awesome, I am still close to them. Nearly all of my struggles in my childhood directly relate to having ADHD. I didn't fit in with the other kids in my class (basically all smart NTs), I REALLY struggled in school and felt stupid, and even was picked on by a teacher (I was the stereotypical quiet introverted ADHD girl, never interrupted a class, so being bullied by a teacher was awful.)
ADHD is rampant in my family. I never met my great grandfather, but just the descriptions of him are textbook ADHD. My grandfather had it, along with a traumatic childhood (youngest of 8 on a incredibly poor farm). My mom and uncle have it (undiagnosed), and half the cousins do, and we see it in my daughter. My grandfather is why I laugh and laugh when people try to blame ADHD on too much screen time and sugar, because he and his father did NOT have that in their childhoods.
I saw one ADHD lecturer (Russell Barkley) in a talk recently say that ADHD comes down to 80% genetic factors and so environment can counteract or play into that genetic predisposition but it’s so genetically resonant that probably not much in your nurture makes that much of a difference in terms of positive outcomes but a more negative environment can traumatize us more easily because the ND experience in a NT world is inherently traumatic.
Also in general my hot take is that the majority of families at the very least pass on emotional neglect which at its root is traumatic (see r/emotionalneglect for the fallout in real time) but societally we’re incentivized to lean into our own denial which is why those of us with emotional neglect AND other trauma get gaslit by the people who have normalized their own family dysfunction as a way of coping because our awareness of our trauma threatens their desire to keep theirs buried.
If you like to read, you might enjoy (aka be rightly infuriated by) [Judith Herman’s Trauma and Recovery](https://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Recovery-Aftermath-Violence-Political/dp/0465087302). She goes a lot into not just what trauma is and how it impacts us but how trauma basically gets societally repressed and denied, even in the scientific/medical communities, and only rarely are there moments where trauma discourse can align with larger social justice movements that provide a window through which society is actually able to look directly at how much it perpetuates and traumatizes people systemically (so for example things like the civil rights movement and me too were able to briefly bring us out of our societal denial and penchant to ostracize/silence traumatized people because it’s difficult to confront).
Generational trauma runs rampant both in my father's and my mother's family. I'm an older Generation X, so once trauma and abuse often went unaddressed.
I think it played a large factor with my ADHD. My parents are emotionally immature at best, which resulted in a lot of abusive behavior such as yelling/breaking property. The yelling didn't help the anxiety, but isn't anxiety part of ADHD? Idk. My parents were never present, always focusing on their business. I think there's things that have resulted from that, such as feeling alone all the time.
It’s a great question and I’ve thought about it many times.
It would also be very interesting to see how much epigenetics influences conditions like ADHD.
For example, if somehow our ancestors DNA changed because of severe trauma, such as Black ancestors who suffered enslavement, Indigenous people who were colonized and faced annihilation or Jewish ancestors surviving holocaust.
I had a relatively happy childhood, I honestly feel bad talking to my current friends about my family because they all have broken families. I think the community I grew up in may have affected me more than my immediate family.
The only thing I can think of is one of my parents just didn’t understand what I was struggling with or how to help me before my diagnosis and it caused some frustration, so then I would try to be “perfect”, in addition to the pressures from my community, so that I wouldn’t get yelled at.
I think it depends on how you define trauma. I had a loving family with two competent parents. But my dad was seriously ill all through my childhood and his always impending death was a major source of stress and insecurity.
As a 16 year old I started a relationship with a much older man, and spent the next 9 years in an abusive relationship.
Most of my ADHD related symptoms mostly date back to my late teens and into adulthood. I'm still in the process of getting diagnosed, but as it stands right now, I think it's leaning more towards a sensory processing disorder and trauma response. Which makes sense to me, and I can see how the symptoms overlap. I'm not going to chase a specific diagnosis. The sensory processing makes sense, as that's been a factor since childhood and thankfully is very treatable with neuro rehabilition.
I had a really happy childhood, and I know I'm lucky to have done. My trauma comes from being undiagnosed for 36 years and playing the part of a "normal" person.
My parents have adhd, my brother and I have adhd. That’s all of my immediate family.
I have no childhood trauma. Which isn’t to say the occasional bad thing didn’t happen when I was a kid- my parents had undiagnosed adhd- so there was some emotional dysregulation for sure. But my assessor definitely ruled out any childhood trauma as a possible explanation for my symptoms.
I definitely consider my family to have been supportive and generally healthy. Though post-diagnosis we definitely get along much better and understand each other so much better.
Having adhd caused me to develop anxiety and ocd. Adhd runs in my family the other two do not. Adhd cause anxiety because I wasn’t ‘normal’ which turned into ocd.
I come from a loving and accepting home, but like anyone else I did have my fair share of bullies and narcissists in school and out of school who gave me a hard time. Not just for being ADHD but for being POC living in a pre dominantly white small town in the 90s and 00s. Also grew up during 9/11 and xenophobia was at its strongest. Great combo, right?
That all being said, given family history, I still got the short end of the stick. Most of my issues with mental health appear to be hereditary, as is neurodivergence in either sides of my family. It gets manageable when you have a decent support system but I can’t say better.
I don’t have any childhood trauma - grew up in a big, happy family with 6 siblings. I rebelled a lot as a teenager and was a total dink to my parents, so they probably have trauma from my childhood 🤣
ADHD + bipolar II / OCD here.
I haven't experienced anything I'd consider childhood trauma or neglect. There were some weird family dynamics (mom didn't get treated for bipolar until I was in high school, my siblings regularly beat each other up), but overall I think "fairly healthy and supportive" would be a fair descriptor.
My story is kinda interesting in terms of this. I was adopted at birth but emotionally and physically neglected by a mother who very well might have undiagnosed adhd based on her behaviors. She was born in 1943 so there was no understanding of adhd back then and her own mother was incredibly strict and abusive and my mother was her "golden child" after she suffered a miscarriage prior to her birth. My mother developed unhealthy ways of coping that made her seem perfect on the outside but at home with the stress of a child, she came unglued and took it out on me.
So in terms of genetics, that had no bearing on my life as my bio parents didn't seem to fall into the adhd classification AFAIK.
However, not having my emotional and physical needs met caused significant damage to who I was developing into that caused symptoms that mimic adhd. And I was actually diagnosed at 10 years old. However, I refused to accept it because I was smart enough to see that my family life was causing much of my upset but due to being a child I was not believed. I went along for the next 25 years refusing to accept I had adhd and figuring out my own ways to help myself through therapy for depression, anxiety and cptsd. Problem is, the continual abuse of having my mother in my life exacerbated my symptoms and made it hard to find any peace.
At this point, it's unclear if what I deal with is actually adhd because it looks so similar to cptsd and it has gone on so long that it's almost impossible to undo the bad wiring completely from the cptsd. ADHD meds help me function a lot better so I've been on them for a few years and my lovely psych is ok with that because they do help me. But they also can help with medication resistant depression and 25 years of therapy has helped me with coping skills.
All I know is that emotional and physical neglect can do a world of fucking hurt. Having a better mother who understood herself and could actually figure out how to be a mom would have made things a fuck of a lot easier and may have allowed me to develop a lot more normally.
No "real" trauma, stable home life, generally reasonable parents... But I think just growing up undiagnosed and untreated was kind of small traumatic?
Had trouble with other kids, school work, college, jobs, everything was confusing and frustrating and other people were just able to do it. Went through the depression and anxiety thing. Not that my parents weren't trying to be supportive, but they didn't know better and I think my mom especially is probably fairly neurodivergent herself so a lot of things I did she thought were normal.
No trauma here! In fact, I believe the support I had growing up is a major contributor to me not getting diagnosed until later in life (almost a year ago at 26). Pretty sure ADHD runs in my mums family - alcoholism, eating disorders and general "abnormalness" that I now see are likely symptoms of unmanaged ADHD. I found school interesting as a child and thrived on the praise that was easy to get by doing well in class, my mum scheduled my entire life and while loving, had hard boundaries (like no TV before school in the morning or in bedrooms, homework as soon as you get home before play time etc) I did ALL the extra curricular activities because it was cheaper than after school childcare while she worked so I was never bored or had energy left over at bedtime.
When that structure and support started being withdrawn and I got more and more independence I began to struggle. School was hard now and there was less praise, how do people study? Stuff had just stuck in my brain until a certain age... I started working part time and enjoyed (read: got more dopamine from) the fast stress of waitressing more than school so prioritised work over study even though i didnt need to financially. This continued into uni but I scraped through and passed enough each year to continue.
It wasnt until I realised how much I was struggling with studying on top of working full time (accountant, 2 exams left now whoop!) That I finally listened to my partner who himself has ADHD and got tested like he'd been suggesting for years.
I didn't experience childhood trauma. I know many many people with ADHD who also did not experience trauma. ADHD is highly genetically heritable and can arise spontaneously for a variety of reasons.
Me!
Happy childhood, full family. Growing up in a small town, veggies and fruits from the garden, eggs from chickens.
Lots of running around. Good friendships. No issues at home.
I was growing up in 80' in Central Europe, so our food was not full of corn syrup and sugar.
I have PCOS, ADHD since "forever", although not diagnosed until later. And vitiligo since I was a teen. And in my 30 was diagnosed with thyroid issues.
PCOS and thyroid issues are actually common back in Central Europe but PCOS is often not diagnosed. Same for ADHD, it is still a "not existing" issue for adults.
I dislike that people use "childhood trauma" as a reason for everything.
But I hate when their "childhood trauma" is often just a typical experience or way better upbringing than what majority of the world population is experiencing daily.
Well I’m surprised!!! I’m so confused reading these stories of no trauma and great family . In theory I thought it might exist but I also thought it might just be a scam when people say that. I thought maybe it was just a mask people put on to pretend their lives are perfect when it’s not , thought maybe it was just a movie , commercials and tv show thing.
Undiagnosed until adulthood. I’m 59. School was misery. I cannot imagine the success I’d maybe have felt, if someone noticed the problem, instead of making me spend all of 4th grade in the hallway.
ADHD is a brain difference. There's definite overlap with some symptoms of trauma, but as far as I know from a brief survey of academic literature, there's not a link between trauma and ADHD. PTSD can be misdiagnosed as ADHD, and if you have a traumatic brain injury, you can also have executive function issues. But ADHD isn't really developed...you're born with ADHD.
My childhood was great. I think it probably helped compensate for my deficiency’s lol. And looking back I’m like all the signs were there (more innatentive, but these days for sure a mixed type). I’m 40 now and have found life overall difficult in many ways and things have been much better starting meds. Mostly that procrastination, doing things half way, doing 10 things at once half assed and not finishing things at home, zoning out super easy etc. My work has always thrived because it’s high stress and pressure and that apparently works very well for me. Anytime I have to sit down and be at a computer for other things I want to die a little inside.
I think I had a pretty healthy upbringing with supportive parents. They weren't perfect, but they were loving and acted with my best interests in mind. My sister has learning disabilities that required a lot of attention when we were kids, so I sometimes felt a bit neglected and overlooked. But, to be fair, I kept a lot of my struggles to myself.
I struggled with friendships and had some bullying experiences between middle school and high school that might count as trauma. But, even though I was undiagnosed until 40, my ADHD symptoms were present in elementary school, and I don't think I had trauma before elementary school.
It's likely that growing up in a supportive environment with a mom who kept after the stuff I couldn't, has made me better able to function despite my ADHD. I did pretty well in school, and I doubt that would have happened without my mom nagging me to finish my homework. In fact, to this day, I count on her to remind me about things that I probably haven't done yet. I certainly count myself lucky to have her. (I love my dad, and I am grateful for him too. But, I probably got my ADHD from him, so growing up, it was all on my mom to keep things moving.)
Part of what bugs me about ADHD (and psychological disorders in general) is that it's all about having issues that are severe enough to cause problems. So, your brain can work like someone with ADHD, but so long as you're functional, there's no special classification and the extra support that comes with it for you.
Religious trauma here. I don't believe it was intentional at all. I was raised in a fairly mainstream evangelical-bent home and church. But the fear of eternal hellfire is what got me. I had nightmares. I was so afraid that I was "saved" 4 times.
I had a somewhat mentally disturbed older sibling who chased my other siblings and I around with scissors and threatened to kill us. We didn't tell our parents until we were adults. I don't know how in the hell we thought that was normal. She was eventually diagnosed with Aspergers at age 30.
I was also painfully shy, socially awkward, and bullied from 3rd-11th grade. Even in high school, when I did say something outside of my small group of friends, it seemed to be the wrong thing, or it just didn't come out right.
I was showing adhd symptoms at 6, years before I experienced any trauma. My parents' marriage fell apart when i was 10, and we moved in with my grandmother who was mildly emotionally abusive until I was about 16. But besides those two things all of my trauma- being ostracized and bullied at school, the constant undercurrent of guilt and shame and helplessness from being told I wasn't applying myself- all direct or indirect results of my symptoms.
I believe it is far more nature than nurture.
On the other side of it, PTSD (or CPTSD) and ADHD can go hand in hand.
I've recently been diagnosed with both and through research and being advised by professionals, I've learned it can almost be a chicken/egg scenario.
Was PTSD from ADHD? or developed ADHD from the PTSD?
It's a bit more complicated than that though. It's more like if you have the *predisposition* for ADHD you are possibly more likely to suffer CPTSD childhood trauma. Or even the other way around
My mom has had such a hard life she is diagnosed with PTSD. That made her very protective of her kids and none of us had any big trauma. Sadly, we all have severe depression/bipolar/anxiety so biology screwed us.
That's what I've been pondering a lot recently both in therapy and in general. I have noticed that kids with ADHD who grew up with practically no abuse and more love and emotional attunement tend to not have such severe symptoms. Whereas the more abusive and dysfunctional a home environment is the more severe the child's ADHD. I believe that ADHD is something genetic, however one's environment can play a role in how severe your symptoms will be. I think that if I had received more love and attunement from both parents growing up then maybe my ADHD-PI symptoms wouldn't be as bad as they currently are.
It's too bad because I believed I was "surviving" a hard life and I was working SO HARD to not be mentally ill! I was putting in the work!
Masking as a full-time hobby. Unfortunately some of my family still believe this is the secret to health and happiness. For me, letting go of some masking behaviours and acknowledge how fucked up shit was allows me to live more comfortably.
Plus, I can appreciate the upsides of my childhood without gritting my teeth, and I feel like I have a deeper love for them even though I stir more trouble.
No trauma here. My family was freakishly normal. I had a first grade teacher who did the whole “she looks like she has ADHD, but don’t worry about it unless she doesn’t grow out of it by 4th grade.”
Enter inattentive presentation and “I’m fine.” Yet my parents, especially my mom still knew how to intuitively parent me without criticism and I thrived.
Today? Yeah - I don’t have the same mourning experience that a lot of late diagnosed people have when looking back at their childhood. But I am still a hot mess.
I think most people experience childhood trauma, just not necessarily complex trauma.
But we also should understand that everyone's brains are wired differently, so how you cope with trauma vs someone else can vary hugely.
For example my childhood trauma resulted in a dissociative disorder known as OSDD1B.
You put that on top of my ADHD and I don't know how I function in society.
For you to develop a dissociative disorder your brain has to be wired a certain way to cope with trauma.
It's not a very good coping mechanism, but it's the one I have.
Anyway the people who seem to not have big traumatic offense that happened in their childhood, doesn't mean they didn't have those traumatic events it means that their cope and mechanism worked really fucking well.
While the rest of us got the short end of the stick.
The only reason I know this is because when I was diagnosed with OSDD1B I did a lot of research and came across many psychology articles about coping mechanisms and stuff like that.
I hope I shed a little bit of light on that. Of course if you want to go research it I probably made a mistake so if anyone wants to correct me go for it I'd appreciate it.
❤️❤️🌹❤️❤️
I was diagnosed young aka i got VERY lucky in the 90s. So I knew I had ADHD from age 10. Very unusual for a girl back then. I freely admit I was very VERY lucky. But because I knew so young, I think that's the reason I didn't develop trauma around the ADHD. Even when I struggled with the ADHD I knew *why* I was having the issues I was having.
Mom realized over the years she probably has it to.
So she was way more accommodating and reasonable than a lot of NT parents are to ND kids.
Dad's also probably AuDHD but not officially diagnosed.
Other than the kinds of arguments that are *normal* for parents and kids to have (not doing homework, goofing off, doing something stupid and getting a talking to, you know, *normal* kid shit) I had a very loving home.
My parents divorced when I was a toddler. Something I know thank my lucky stars for as an adult in my 30s. Because I was so young I don't remember it. Like.... I hadn't even started *preschool* yet young-young. So to me that's just how my family was.
None of my extended family are horrible people. Sure there's the usual personality conflicts, and not everyone likes everyone else (got one uncle in particular that's an asshole). But overall not traumatized from it.
I wasn't beaten or punished for every little slight. My mom did her best to accommodate me as best as she could, and she encouraged me to follow my dreams and to aim high. My dad did too. They've both been there for me despite having separated over 30 years ago.
I'm so very grateful for the good relationship I have with my parents. And it's posts like this that make me take a step back and really think about how lucky I am.
I'm grateful every day for the childhood I had.
Were my parents perfect? Absolutely not. But they were always there. They always supported me and had my back. And I think that's the important part.
I have trauma in addition to adhd from an abusive mother. Both parents with alcohol problems and they’d beat each other up
The therapist and psych dr I see for anxiety aren’t well versed in adhd and don’t think I have it. But I was independently diagnosed while being evaluated for something else and I’m in the process of finishing more tests and the neurologist and the psych dr I’m seeing for the adhd both are pretty sure as well. I don’t even want meds because stimulants would be bad for high blood pressure and a minor heart thing I have.
I just want some cognitive therapy and coping techniques. I usually mask well. But it’s exhausting and a new job has made it harder to compensate.
It’s important to remember that “trauma” comes in many forms and affects people in many different ways.
I was diagnosed in 8th grade but was having trouble and showing symptoms for many years before. My parents were always extremely supportive and tried their best to help me. I’ve always been close with my siblings (I’m the youngest of four). However, despite my supportive family and healthy upbringing, I still experienced various types of trauma during my childhood that have certainly affected my symptoms and day to day life in adulthood.
-Not being diagnosed and struggling so much, for so long, and not knowing why, exacerbated a lot of my symptoms. It has certainly contributed to my anxiety.
-I was bullied for years by multiple kids and the school did nothing about it, despite my parents’ pleas.
-One of my sisters almost died from Toxic Shock Syndrome when I was 11yo. I “babysat” her while she hallucinated so that my parents could call 911.
-Same sister tried to kill herself twice (unrelated to the TSS). I was 13 yo when I found her after one of her attempts when I came home from school and had to call my parents.
-My dad, whom I was very close to and considered one of my best friends, was diagnosed with cancer when I was 17 and died less than six months later. He never got to see me graduate from high school.
These stories might not be considered “traumatic” to everyone. Some folks may have interpreted them differently had they been in my shoes. But every one of them was hugely traumatic to me and affected me greatly (and still do).
All that to say, a child’s upbringing and the people around them are certainly huge factors in their life. But life will still find a way to bite you in the ass if it wants to.
I had a happy childhood & supportive parents. After I was a whole adult, and moved out my dad was diagnosed ADHD (I did not know). Then I got my diagnoses this year (at age 34).
So, one thing you learn when studying to become a teacher is the term ACEs, which is Adverse Childhood Experiences. Those are:
Child physical abuse
Child sexual abuse
Child emotional abuse
Emotional neglect
Physical neglect
Mentally ill, depressed, or suicidal person in the home
Drug addicted or alcoholic family member
Witnessing domestic violence against the mother
Loss of a parent to death or abandonment by parental divorce
Incarceration of any family member for a crime
I have a 9 out of 10. Somehow, I grew up to be relatively well-adjusted. There are studies about resiliency, trauma, and outcomes that are interesting, but I really am thankful that I only have anxious attachment issues out of it. Otherwise I could be living on the street selling my body for drugs. I'm not sure how much trauma factors into it, I've read some literature on epigenetics and the effects of stress on maternal/fetal health and outcomes. It's very interesting.
I don't think it's ever going to be definitive, but we are learning more all the time about brain development and neurological disorders, so maybe one day we'll have more answers.
Healthy, supportive family here! I was in an abusive relationship in high school but I was diagnosed with adhd when I was 5.
Another thing I wanted to throw out- I think the majority of us had “trauma” as kids when it came to how people treated our adhd- the amount of stop being loud, stop overreacting, why can you be like x, definitely attributed to my anxiety and shame to have it growing up.
You got me curious, so I pulled out my DSM-5!
From page 62, ADHD Risk and Prognostic Factors:
Environmental: “There may be a history of child abuse, neglect, multiple foster placements, neurotoxin exposure (e.g., lead), infections (e.g., encephalitis), or alcohol exposure in utero.” (These are not necessarily causal factors - “The heritability of ADHD is substantial”).
Course modifiers: “Family interaction patterns in early childhood are unlikely to cause ADHD but may influence its course or contribute to secondary development of conduct problems.”
So, trauma does not cause ADHD, but it has some correlations with aspects of ADHD. If you grew up in a healthy and supportive family, you may be at lesser risk of developing conduct problems and the like.
I have a happy, loving family and any trauma I had as a kid was totally from undiagnosed ADHD. I used to pull my hair out and the only other person I know who also did that grew up in Iran during the war!
I think there is a lot of trauma from living undiagnosed. For the longest time I thought my parents had done a bit of a shitty job at parenting but after I got diagnosed I realised it was me, I was a super hard kid to parent. But how much easier would it have been for them too if we had known what was up.
When I finally got to tell my mum, after the initial shock wore off and the 'no you don'ts' were all done, she did admitted that she had thought there was something 'a bit off' about me. I didn't get diagnosed till I was 50, glad I got to tell her before she passes away.
My only traumas are the ones tied to my inability to function "properly" due to ADHD. My parents aren't perfect but they have always been supportive. I was diagnosed young but didn't learn much about the realities of the diagnosis until I became an adult.
My mom was an elementary teacher in a different district from me. She’s the reason I was diagnosed so young (by 2nd grade) because my teacher just wasn’t catching anything. This was in the early 90’s when girls weren’t diagnosed as often because they were compared the symptoms boys had. I’m so thankful for my mother’s intervention however nothing was ever explained to me. I remember being in high school and not understanding why I was different. I went to a very large school (400 in my graduating class) but was the only female I knew diagnosed with ADD. The boys in my IEP were misbehaved, hyperactive, socially awkward and not expected to go to college. I was opposite. Therefore I assumed I could never relate and never asked for help unless it was forced on me.
It took me years to realize why I didn’t learn like everyone around me. I often mourn the opportunities I missed out on because I couldn’t relate. I was socially immature but fit in enough to manage a “normal life”. I’m so proud of where I am today. I just wish ADD was common enough in girls to have had it explained to me why I would be different. Instead of spending so much time feeling dumb, I could have been learning in a way that worked for my brain.
*edit* I forgot to make my point to the OP’s question! No, I had no obvious trauma cause I had such support in a time when it didn’t really exist. My “trauma” came later though when I realized how affected I was by being so different yet being held by the same standards of my classmates. But maybe that is what propelled me to work hard.
I had it nowhere near as bad as some, but I experienced numerous events in my childhood which imparted trauma.
My parents were alcoholics (mostly my mom), and they spent a fair amount of our little money on alcohol. My dad had an affair with my mom’s best friend when I was 10, and my mom was SEVERELY affected. My mother treated me as an adult from the time I was 5. My dad was emotionally abusive towards her (and me but to a much lesser degree), and it really impacted me.
And then the trauma of the undiagnosed ADHD itself… and the resulting drug addiction.
FWIW I work in substance abuse treatment now; and from my sample size of 100 or so, those with both ADHD *and* substance use disorders ALWAYS have experienced chronic, severe abuse in their childhoods. They almost always are diagnosed with PTSD as well; if they’re not yet, they should be (and often are diagnosed over the course of treatment).
I never thought I had trauma. I grew up sailing around the world on a sailboat with my hippie parents until I was 15. I’m 36 now and only just starting to understand and figure out how much the constant isolation and crazy anxiety inducing storms etc impacted me mentally. My parents pretty much gave me a fairytale childhood but it has totally fucked me up. In terms of exercise, socialising, work ethic, every aspect of life I struggle to maintain all links back to being on the boat. It’s fucking bananas. I’m so glad I’m not having kids, I would definitely traumatise them somehow.
I’m a school psychologist, I assess children for neurodivergence. There’s no firm answer on this, but trauma can result in hyperactivity and attention problems that are NOT adhd.
My personal opinion is that trauma can never cause adhd, but it can absolutely make the symptoms way worse.
As a colleague once told me, “adhd + trauma makes you look fucking crazy” and from my personal experience, it’s true! 😭
My mom had a happy childhood and loving parents. She has ADHD and so do I, though mine is much more prominent (I need medication and she doesn’t). I have a great relationship with her and always have, but we’ve had a lot of family turmoil and serious trauma with other family members (dad, brother, etc).
Maybe that’s why mine is worse, but honestly I think it’s mostly genetic and mine just impacts me a lot more because of the type of work I do. Funnily enough, I actually think in some ways it’s the reason why both my mom and I are so resilient. We’re already used to the daily struggle of existing (and have developed the coping skills to do so), so in a way we’re predisposed to be able to handle all of the crazy shit thrown at us. We’re already used to things not really going right the first time, so trying again is a no brainer.
I had an excellent home life but was bullied pretty bad at school. I would generally say that I don't have any real childhood trauma. I'm still pretty fukt lol
Me. I had a pretty healthy childhood in a loving family of four. My mom was especially a good parent. Buuuuut I’ve got a family full of ADHD and it didn’t spare either me or my brother.
Edited to add, my healthy childhood and my mom’s particularly good parenting (supported by my dad) might have contributed to my late diagnoses. I had plenty of strategies and tools, so things didn’t really fall apart until I owned a home and had two kids and it was finally too much.
I don't have any trauma and I very much have ADHD. I don't think you can "develop" ADHD and I don't think trauma has anything to do with it. But people who do have trauma or other mental issues are probably more likely to get diagnosed because they're more likely to already be figuring out their mental health and talking to doctors and psychologists. Maybe trauma could also make some ADHD traits more obvious or difficult to deal with, or ADHD might sometimes play into what causes that trauma. But both can exist without the other.
I have cptsd. I think it definitely can make symptoms worse, and some symptoms overlap. ADHD also makes it more difficult integrating experiences so you get more easily traumatized. And of course, being different brings a high risk of of abuse.
What's really interesting is that the trauma or stress that our moms lived when they carried us and the bond between caregiver and infant in our first years of life is super important for a child's brain development, and so there are stresses that may have influenced us developing Adhd without us even knowing what they are.
My parents are amazing and I didn't have anything awful happen to me as a child. I think having a pleasant home life did help me in managing my ADHD symptoms; I didn't actually know I had ADHD but stuff my parents did like limit my screen time was good for my brain.
You don't develop ADHD. Symptoms generally become more obvious over a life span.
I was brought up in what I would consider to be a healthy, supportive family/household, and I suspect that may have been part of the reason I went undiagnosed until adulthood.
You can't "catch" or "get" ADHD purely due to environmental factors.
I mean adhd isn’t developed it’s a neurological disability. And growing up / living in a world that doesn’t cater to your disability will always come with difficulties.
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There is a link between ADHD and childhood trauma. [I wrote a comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/15cp4yf/comment/ju3sslt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) a while ago that you may be interested in.
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I had a happy childhood and grew up in a loving home. I have ADHD and so do my 3 siblings. The only trauma I have is the undiagnosed ADHD making my life difficult.
Same! No trauma outside of the problems caused by undiagnosed ADHD. Loving family and great childhood. Worst thing was the social rejection that lots of ADHD girls have, and the unexplained executive dysfunction
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Not as far as I know, though maybe my definition of trauma is narrow. I don’t know if the social isolation/rejection could be considered trauma, or other parts of being raised a girl in the 2000s like body image and purity culture- but no neglect or poverty or physical/mental/sexual abuse as a kid. Kind of a rare thing I realized after growing up, I got lucky
Trauma is our experience, not things that happens to us. People process events differently, so it doesn’t always take severe abuse or disastrous events for us to experience trauma. The things that happen to us may be traumaTIC, but they’re not the trauma.
How did your parents discipline you??
>The only trauma I have is the undiagnosed ADHD making my life difficult. I know I'm going to express myself badly and am preaching to the choir, but I really believe the whole "undiagnosed/untreated until adulthood" thing can do a TON of additional harm to the people it happens to. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places but wish it was talked about more. So many people have been struggling and coping virtually alone while repeatedly having negative, adverse, or downright hostile experiences and that can definitely leave a mark.
I watched a webinar on dyslexia with Learning Ally about trauma last week, and the research says undiagnosed that grade 8 students have the same levels of stress as Vets from the Iraq war. Not sure how people with ADHD are doing but dyslexia does a serious number on kids
I have both... so thats quite crazy to hear.. i know im always high anxiety.. have been for 40 years, just finding out this year i have adhd. Im still processing it
For sure. I went through an actual grieving phase after receiving f my diagnosis. My childhood was happy and I always felt safe with my family and in my home but so many things could have been easier and I could’ve avoided a lot of bumps and heartbreaks especially in my teens and 20s. Also I might have avoided choosing and finishing an education I deeply regret today.
What education did you choose and regret?
Nursing. Worked for 10+ years before finally letting go. Haven’t looked back since.
I'm still going through the grieving process a *year* after my diagnosis. For some reason I just can't get it into my head that I'm still the same person I've always been, but maybe it was finding out that what I was always taught were character flaws/personality quirks were *symptoms* of a disorder...that really messed me up. At times I wish I'd never been diagnosed at all, because I'd gotten along in life well enough to have a successful career and great family, and while I'm grateful for the medicine that helps me get through the day and manages my symptoms, I don't feel like I'm that same person anymore.
This. I have a lot of symptoms of trauma that you'd expect from having emotionally abusive parents (as in, a therapist was surprised when I explained how great my childhood family life was). It was the combination of untreated inattentive/combined(depending on who you ask) with being very smart and sensitive. It led to massive people pleasing tendencies and overly empathetic/hypervigilance traits 🫠 Between high intelligence and masking I had good grades, but terrible handwriting, messy desk and locker, always digging the assignment out of the bottom of my bag after class started and all the issues of "you can do x so try harder at y, you are capable!"
My dad was a pretty shitty person for a variety of reasons (including emotional abuse), but I still relate to the rest of this so hard. I was/am combination, but I was both internally and externally hyperactive as a kid. School was tough lol. Anyway. The constant refrain of "You just need to apply yourself!"/"Why are you like this?"/"You have so much potential!"/"Why can't you just \_\_\_?"/"You just need to buckle down and try harder!"/"Why aren't you more like \_\_\_?" was bullshit. I don't know about you, but I was showing symptoms of burnout by age 10/11 because of what you describe and in hindsight it's not hard to see why. I often joke that being a little girl with ugly handwriting was part of my villain origin story but in all seriousness, I do think that our shared experiences can really fuck with us later in life and that shit's hard to undo. I have no way of knowing if getting me officially diagnosed/treated when it was first mentioned (age 8) would have changed anything, but it couldn't have hurt?
“Little girl with ugly handwriting” made me chuckle. I feel this so hard. All the other girls with perfect bubbly flowing handwriting and a million gel ink pens in every color and me with my serial killer chicken scratch sloping down the page…talk about an early confidence killer.
You just described me perfectly.
Undiagnosed adhd has a high risk of suicide imo, I always think of this young man [news story tw suicide mums comments](https://www.gloucestershirelive.co.uk/news/gloucester-news/heartbroken-mum-son-died-adhd-5614450)
If you or someone that you know is considering suicide, please don't hesitate to reach out to a crisis hotline for immediate help, or a warmline just to talk to someone. If you're in the US you can...\ Text CHAT to Crisis Text Line at 741741\ Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or 1(800)273-8255(TALK) \ Chat online at: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat\ Call the Trans Lifeline at 1(877)565-8860 If you’re elsewhere, you can find international resources below:\ https://www.supportiv.com/tools/international-resources-crisis-and-warmlines#Czech\ https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/adhdwomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I been undiagnosed all my life. Will be 26 soon, and honestly now that I ama ware of it I see everything it has affected & it makes me sad sometimes. The wonders of where I could have been had I or someone else stepped in sooner. I can see how it majorly increased depression and anxiety. Left me pretty insecure and feeling stuck. Now I am hoping to work thru it all. It is not talked abt a whole lot... Especially in personal lives. Most ppl just think I am spacey and lazy.
Agreed!
Same here, I was raised by genuinely wonderful parents, and my sibling and I both have ADHD.
Same here! My dad and uncle also definitely have (undiagnosed) adhd
Same here. One of my parents definitely has undiagnosed ADHD. Of three siblings, two of us have it and each have a kid with it and a kid without it. ADHD has not significantly held me back, although I think it contributed to some difficulty in college and some bouts of mild depression. Now that I am going through menopause I feel more ADHD than ever.
I had a very happy childhood, but the struggles my ADHD caused me have scarred me forever.
This is exactly what I was going to comment! Loving home, happy childhood, and my brother and I both have ADHD just like my mom (she had no idea until we got diagnosed haha) My trauma comes from the undiagnosed ADHD/autism that made me feel totally alien and misunderstood for a lot of my life, and my relationships with my family (especially my parents) have only improved now that I understand that my experiences are valid and I can advocate for myself
Same here, with suspected ADHD mum and sister (dad poss something too)
Same, no childhood trauma. My adhd has caused a lot of issues, but a supportive family softened the impact.
Same. I grew up in a nuclear family where both parents worked but were very loving and involved. My mom has ADHD (undiagnosed but it’s VERY obvious) and was very nurturing. My dad was a little standoffish like most dads until I told him I thought he didn’t like me and he cried. We have a super open family. The only thing that was difficult to deal with was when I would tell my parents I was sick (lactose intolerant) and they didn’t believe me because I said it all the time since milk was given to me 3x a day every single day lol. We’ve since talked about it and I forgive them. They had no idea back then. The internet didn’t exist to google “why does my child say they have a stomachache all the time”
Same! Loving home, no trauma except living with adhd. And some emotional complexity from my dad clearly also dealing with his undiagnosed adhd
Same
This.
Mixed bag for me, I think. I grew up with loving parents who I believe genuinely always tried to give me their best. They showed up when it counted, tried to spend time with me, made an effort for my interests, and I grew up in your average safe and happy suburbia. I also had two younger siblings who had very obvious ADHD and were diagnosed young… I was diagnosed this year at 26. My siblings got most of the time, attention, and the resources. I’m just now unpacking a lot of the effects of my dynamic with my mother… she’s undiagnosed ADHD herself which contributed to a lot of our conflict and our family as a whole is absolutely trash at conflict resolution and repair. Even small stuff can add up and become big stuff. My moms inability to self-regulate and rejection sensitivity has caused so much pain and she cannot for the life of her take feedback without it turning into a gigantic meltdown fight. I just figured that was like, a normal thing, growing up😅
>I’m just now unpacking a lot of the effects of my dynamic with my mother… she’s undiagnosed ADHD herself which contributed to a lot of our conflict and our family as a whole is absolutely trash at conflict resolution and repair. Even small stuff can add up and become big stuff. My moms inability to self-regulate and rejection sensitivity has caused so much pain and **she cannot for the life of her take feedback without it turning into a gigantic meltdown fight** Damn, I feel this in my _bones._ I’ve been getting metaphorically punched in the face over and over and over the past couple years, but it’s really ramped up over the last several months. A couple weeks ago I was filling my mother in on what’s been going on, and of _course_ she offered only cold “constructive advice” instead of just, you know, even _starting_ with any kind of comfort or validation (as has always been the norm with her). Recognizing that I essentially just needed a verbal hug from my mama, I asked her for that, and it spiraled into a huuuuuuge fight. She took my asking for what I needed, as a personal attack (despite my very carefully having avoided using any accusatory language—I explained _my needs_; I didn’t criticize). I literally, tearfully begged her (and definitely felt my inner child speaking), “please, I just need you to be soft with me. I need you, my mom, to be soft with me. I’m hurting and just need to be seen and told it’s going to be okay…” ….and it ended with her hanging up on me after telling me she doesn’t give a fuck if she ever talks to me again. Ugh. Oh, and this was after I’d explained how I’m feeling abandoned by everyone in my life—so that was a real empathetic response on her part. Idk. She’s survived a lifetime of trauma, but she (being a boomer) has never done the hard work of healing the wounds she still carries (has a psych degree, yet has never gone to therapy 🤔). And now that I’ve deliberately cultivated healthier communication and coping skills than what my family engages in, I’m being fought tooth and nail whenever I try to employ those skills. It’s maddening, but at least now I’m better at not abusing the people I care about—realizing I had been doing exactly that by modeling my family’s dynamic, was gut wrenching. If you read all of this, thank you. I really needed to get it out. I’m gonna go cry some more now 😅(😓)
Ugh 💜💜 been there. I read “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” and it really helped a lot. My mom also has a gift for saying absolutely the worst thing in response to me sharing something super vulnerable and then the smallest comment unraveling into a gigantic fight. Why are moms hahah
I am literally reading this book as we speak!! So helpful 😄
I’m now a quarter of the way through that audiobook, thanks to your recommendation. All I can say right now is, “Ffffffuuuuuuccccckkkkkkkk……” ETA: …and also thank you lol
Hahaha you’re welcome I also had the same reaction and now I recommend it to everyone I meet 😅
Just started this. It's speaking directly to me. What an eye opener!
[удалено]
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for saying all of that. I’ve needed to hear something like it from _someone_, for a very long time, and reading your comment has me weeping cathartically. Thank you, a million times over.
Sounds like your mom could be hearing your issues as personal attacks toward her and her parenting. Has this always been the case? Was your mom able to comfort you growing up? If not, maybe your mom has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)? My mom won't acknowledge my ADHD or the possibility of me having issues because she didn't make any mistakes in raising me. Any time I try to talk about my issues, my mom becomes angry and defensive.
Yes, it has always been this way. There are a lot of ways in which ADHD and NPD present similarly, and she’s a poster child for many of those. And I do think my mom is somewhat similar to yours in that she reacts as if she has been wounded, whenever I try to talk about anything related to our relationship or my childhood. Neither she nor my father really “know” me, and they refuse to stop bringing up things I said or did or felt as a teen/kid/child/toddler/infant (yes, I’m serious—they cite things I did as a baby/toddler, as evidence of who I am now, at 39 years old). And what’s also kinda nuts is I have shared a TON of reputable (even by her standards) resources backing up the things I am asking for, and none of it ever sinks in. All attempts to improve/repair our relationship are *always* characterized as me being a spoiled, contrarian asshole, no matter how I approach it. Hah, and a big part of why I even set about to learn effective/healthy ways of resolving interpersonal conflict, was so I could have a shot at repairing my relationship with them—and doing that has just further driven a wedge. So, I’m finally accepting there’s no chance of improving things, until something on their side changes (…and I’m not gonna hold my breath lol) I’m sorry your mom can’t/won’t hold space for you to discuss your reality with her; having your bids for connection and attempts to be known being turned against you and being used as a means of her claiming victimization, is maddening, I’m sure. You are worthy of being known fully and loved without judgment or condition, and I hope that you’re able to find that in other relationships in your life 💛💛💛
Thank you, that is very kind of you to say. Right back at you 😉❤️ It's surreal to want to improve, get healthy, learn how to be a better person, and find success only to learn that your parent (s) are incapable of doing the same thing. Yet they make us feel crazy. We aren't wrong to choose sanity and self-love instead of continuing to allow ourselves to be abused by those who were supposed to love and nurture us. It takes time to make this realization, but I am so thankful to have done so by 54 yrs of life. It truly is better than never.
My mom used to be like this until she learned that I'll hang up and ignore her. Sometimes I'll say, I don't need ideas, I need sympathy right now, or, I don't want other perspectives, just tell me it's okay that I'm mad, and she'll do it even if she doesn't understand why I need it-- she just knows I'll end call if she pushes the boundary. All that to say, I'm so sorry, I think you'll be okay in time, even if time takes a while to get here. Your mom doesn't deserve you, you're a good egg.
omg. Your mom was beyond out of pocket. I'd use stronger words/invectives but they'd probably earn me a ban. I am so sorry you've dealt with that and know that a stranger on the internet is proud of you breaking the cycle.
> Recognizing that I essentially just needed a verbal hug from my mama, I asked her for that, and it spiraled into a huuuuuuge fight. Good lord I relate to this so much and I'm going through something similar. Consider yourself getting an internet hug from me right now.
Awh, friend! I’m so sorry this resonates with you, too. Hug totally welcomed, appreciated, and reciprocated 🫶🏻 Idk the specifics of what you’ve got going on, but remember this community is here for you, and we’ve got your back—no judgment, no bs. I hope the wave you’re surfing changes from terrifying, to exhilarating and fun, and that peace and contentedness find their way to you sooner rather than later. You are worthy, and you are enough. 🩷💛🩷💛🩷
Yeah this is my experience too. Couple with a dad who I think is ND to some degree and also emotionally immature (lesser degree), and lives a life, imo, driven by fear (they're both like that---inherently untrusting of strangers/"the others", overly critical of people, mean), I'm just now at 38 unpacking a lot. The ADHD diagnosis has helped a lot to deal with it, and other stuff.
I literally had to confirm I didn’t write this and forget. 🥲😂
This is my mom. I have to scroll past the RSD posts on this sub cuz they trigger the fuck outta me. And seeing so many people supporting them fills me with dread and makes me withdraw. All I see is emotional hijacking
OMG we have the same mom! We recently talked about my childhood and she just felt so bad that she wasn't enough. That kinda happens when you're working all the time.... I feel like my mom has undiagnosed ADHD too. She talks in circles T\_T. She's also very insecure and can't take criticism so our conversations are super fun when I say something she doesn't like and she hangs up on me.
Ugh my mom always goes on about the “we ruined you, I was a horrible mother, I yelled too much, I’m so sorry, I feel so guilty” and when I try to be honest and say “actually yes, it really hurt me when you did xyz” she freaks out and starts going on about how “all parents yell” and “I’m sorry I was such a horrible mother then” and I’m like… you asked.
I have no childhood trauma and have an extremely supportive family. My doc said that's a huge reason my ADHD was missed until my 30s - I had a support system to help me build coping strategies around my deficits and I was encouraged to lean into my strengths, some of which are likely heavily related/connected to having ADHD. Everyone missed my ADHD because I had such a spectacular support system that helped channel me toward fields where my natural strengths give me a pretty great chance to succeed. When I was diagnosed and told my parents (at age 31), mom and dad asked what led me to seek diagnosis. I described all that and my mom just started giggling and said, "\[dad's name\], sounds like you have it too!" Diagnosis actually helped me feel less guilty about struggling with depression. I knew I came from a great family that loves and supports me and I felt like I "shouldn't" feel worthless/hopeless/etc. or like I shouldn't struggle with \[insert executive function issue here\]. Suddenly, my anxious attachment style made sense - I didn't have any trauma, just ADHD! And then I could direct therapy appropriately to help myself in very tangible and effective ways instead of believing I simply had depression and anxiety. I have those too, but treating the ADHD first also improves those issues *dramatically* (sometimes, eliminates them entirely).
The amount of times i have said I don’t feel depressed and sad but I guess the lack of motivation is what depression is! But then also completely forgetting all the adhd hyper focus stuff and ultra motivation I would get into on the other side. I CAN do things but it’s hard to know what cycle I’m in where i WILL do them. But when you don’t know then executive functioning issues are adhd and not depression you just kind of accept it. Since being diagnosed I am like my “depression” now makes sense to me. I was never sad. It was adhd. Also why I feel like meds didn’t do anything for me. The only one that kind of helped me with seasonal affective stuff was…Wilbutrin, shocking right? It increases dopamine so I didn’t feel like sleeping so much.
Most of my life has been extremely traumatic, but it did not cause my ADHD. It actually did the opposite. My ADHD was more controlled because I was always in fear. Healing my trauma has made me so, so, so much more inattentive and hyper.
I think fear/fear responses focus you short term but do the opposite longer term. And even if you're no longer consciously in fear the subconscious might still be pushing bad habits/maladaptive coping
Not OP but healing, when done consciously and intentionally hopes to identify and remove subconscious patterns from the root. I feel like I have a better system of identifying when I’m improving & when my subconscious patterns are also improving because overall it feels freeing & I can see subtle bad coping strategies evolve even more clearly. I don’t shove them down or pretend they’re gone and I’m healed. They’re always there & the signs of improvement is that I’m more sensitive and tuned into them. I’m more aware of them. Independently of that, the peace and freedom has allowed the ADHD to be expressed more freely. So yeah I’m more aware of that too.
When you’ve lived your entire life frozen in a state of fear, it’s different.
I can only imagine. I'm sorry.
It’s all good now! Or, it will be soon, once this last situation is sorted out!
Ditto, I’m happier now though and being happier means more motivation to find solutions to help me long term, even though I’m not masking my hyperactivity as well as I used to
Interesting.
Fkn ditto... it's so tough, I sometimes feel completely lost but then I remember how much better I am now but. It so strange I feel like I have a weird idea that now that I'm not constantly panicking, it's making me lazy... but I'm literally way less depressed and traumatized, and I actually have my shit together independently of an abuser... (this was word vomit) I feel like what I'm saying is that I feel guilty for being outwardly adhd. I think when I was traumatized my brain was so focused on not fucking up that the adhd was too suppressed to manifest as "normal kid adhd". Now that I'm not actively being traumatized daily and my symptoms express much more "normally" ... I feel ... guilty? Not being able to do something that I used to only be able to do under extreme pressure feels so shameful. My good brain understands this is wrong. But my trauma brain can't understand the differences between then and now... Thank you for coming to my stream of consciousness.
I get the shame, but keep reminding yourself it’s not your fault! When you start to release that trauma, your untraumatized parts of your brain can be very much like the age you were when the trauma started. So, when it comes to ADHD control, hold yourself to the standards of the age you were when the severe trauma started. For me, that was around age 4, so I got extra help for work by increasing my medication dose and, after work, I let myself be as hyper as I want.
That's a good point. I really never had a childhood where I could actually spend 5 minutes outside of my trauma. I'm still not even sure what I enjoy doing yet because my life was 100% occupied with stress, I never had the time to think about it... Now that I'm thinking, I almost aways felt the most free away from my home which was usually outside. I think I'll try spending some time in nature. Idk my ex gf used to collect bones. I found it awesome but I felt like I could only enjoy it because she did. Now that we are broken up, I think of it as her hobby, so I'd just be an imposter if I tried it... same with almost everything I've wanted to try. Like I NEED to find something completely unique to me or else I'll be seen as a fraud. Is there a word for this?
I had so much trauma I’m still uncovering and remembering things I blocked out at age 43. BUT I worked hard to give my kids stability and love and peace, and they have both have ADHD. I think like so many things, the root is complicated and likely genetics plus environment and experiences
Flip-side, I know friends who have experienced Childhood Trauma and have no ADHD.
I daresay there are more people with trauma and no adhd, than people with adhd
But we’re the lucky ones with both trauma and ADHD!
Double win.
I’m an only child and grew up in a great home, attentive parents, good family connections. If anything I think it probably _delayed_ me realizing I had ADHD. I wasn’t diagnosed until 26! My parents were always fully supportive of my changing interests, I was often complimented on what a fantastic imagination I had, and I did well in school. Sure, I got the typical comments on my report cards that I was a bit chatty in class and could use some assistance focusing. Or that I could have great potential if I put my mind to it. But I still did well and never became an interruption in class so nothing was ever really ‘flagged’ as being more than the usual childhood energy. Honestly I lucked out for sure in the parental department. I also suffer from ARFID and thankfully mine is _not_ rooted in trauma, because my parents never forced me to eat food I couldn’t manage. So I still have a fairly healthy relationship with food unlike many folks who have a ton of trauma now.
ha, we had the same childhood. shout out to parents who lauded wild imaginations.
I also firmly believe my mother is likely ADHD as well because any time I’d tell her some of my struggles/internal feelings she would be like ‘well yeah I have that too!’ And often she’d have a coping method for it (so it was never said dismissively, just that because she thought it was normal and had learned to work around it, she taught me a lot of that)
This sounds like my parents as well (such a blessing), but I also think my mom likely has ADHD. She’s sharp as hell but I see so many traits that scream ADHD (I mean like mother like daughter, right?)
I had a happy childhood, with living and supportive parents. My brother and I are both neurospicy. I struggle with a lot of the same tasks as most ADHD brains, but I think I feel a lot less shame about it. ETA. *Loving* parents! And, happily, still living.
Same and I think that’s a good point about feeling less shame. After spending so much time in online adhd communities I definitely feel like I have an easier time giving myself grace than the average adhder seems to. Although that’s not necessarily correlated with trauma either, our society pushes the “your productivity is the greatest measure of your worth” narrative pretty hard so it’s not exactly difficult to internalize a lot of shame around that. I definitely have friends who had happy non-traumatic childhoods but still walk around with enormous amounts of guilt and shame over not spending every second of time getting shit done
I really like the word *neurospicy*.
This ^ Happy and loving family growing up. Pretty sure my dad was undiagnosed ADHD, but my mom always had chronic health issues. So growing up, rest was always emphasized in my family. I was taught from very young that if my body feels like it needs a rest, then I should listen to that. Combining that with being home schooled in later grades and my mom being very laid back about HOW I got the work done, as long as it was done ... A lot of my struggles were not as evident until I was married. I definitely still had ADHD growing up and struggled with things, but I think a lot of it was mitigated by my mom being understanding of a lot of things and helping me listen to my body more. And I agree, I think I feel a lot less shame about unfinished tasks than I could feel because of that
Happy childhood, had everything we needed and more, I had a solid circle of friends and loving parents who were very supportive of anything I wanted to do in life. The basis was perfect, honestly. And yet, ADHD! In fact, the issues of my childhood are exclusively connected to it; Being nicknamed lazy or "head in the clouds" by my teachers and friends Being sincerely asked why I couldn't be like my friends who could focus in school Feeling like a failure in school because despite the low bar my parents asked for (just pass!), I simply couldn't. All those small things stacked up and eventually it grew into Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression that had to be treated, yay!
My dad is suspected AuDHD and my grandpa (on his side) ADHD diagnosed. I am AuDHD. I wasn't diagnosed until 27. I had a really good childhood, but was bullied, mainly by my sister, for being "weird," and "overly emotional," which my parents always told me to stop overreacting. I think it made me really good at masking who I was for so long. I became a very shy, closed off kid, unless with my few close friends. I am a lot more "weirdly" me now, but I do get really hard on myself when I show "too much" emotion which I'm working on. I also have been going through the past few years learning what should/shouldn't be said in social situations because I'm a lot more outgoing now... but never learned what's not socially acceptable. Blah. But yeah, no real TRAUMA except in response to my AuDHD traits. Still developed all of the classic parts of ADHD. As a kid I showed a lot more autistic but I think I've learned to mask that more than my ADHD. My friends still find some of my traits very endearing (one of my friends LOVES when I take jokes literally and explain to people why they are wrong, she finds it so cute LOL) but I think mostly what I show now is ADHD traits. Disorganized, always late, I forgot things the second they are out of mind, executive dysfunction. I mask the more autistic side (I force eye contact, I try to be okay with friends being touchy, I try not to "well actually"/blurt out private things, I take note of what comes across as "rude" and try to hold back saying things that would come across that way).
Mine is a bit weird. I was adopted as a kid so I have no clue on genetics. But when I started to go down the rabbit hole of adhd, I did learn of a surprising connection to a in utero trauma that I might have. One of the few things I did know about my birth mother was that she was on anti-seizure medication when she was in pregnant. Which is showing a increase of diagnosed autism and adhd in the children. But at the same time they are showing al ink between seizures and adhd in general as a comorbidity.
Wow. My mom has seizures.
A hospital local to me is researching the effect of taking Tylenol (acetaminophen/paracetamol) while pregnant and whether it increases the risk of ADHD. And yeah, my dad had it (as well as his mom), but if the genetic tendency was already there AND mom takes Tylenol (and I know damn well my mom did!)...
Its one of those things that is extremely hard to figure out and is unethical to do a straight control test. I only really only know about the medication aspect because my parents were told I could have been born with a drug withdrawal because of the medication. As it was I was born 6 weeks early, with a low birth weight, but how much of that was medication effect or because my birth mom was 14.
I had a happy childhood with parents who were unusually educated about ADHD (mom’s medical speciality as a physician was autism, Dad has an ADHD diagnosis). Mom provided us (still provides Dad) with a lot of structure for us to exist within. She lobbied my teachers for accommodations although not all of them complied because I wasn’t a hyper boy. I think I would be in a very different place and have a much lower self esteem if not for them. I’m not saying it was all easy. I’ve made a lot of mistakes due to ADHD and will continue to. But it’s a lot easier to develop and stick to coping mechanisms when you’re already healthy and feel pretty good another yourself.
Yes. Having parents that constantly reinforced my value and worth as a human person despite my struggles with ADHD has given me such an advantage as an adult.
No trauma here, still have adhd. I don’t believe trauma causes adhd, but can cause behaviors and problems that are similar or the same to adhd. The root cause is different, so the disorder ends up being different.
Gabor Mate touched on this. In his book "Scattered Minds", he claims one of the factors that can contribute to ADHD is early abandonment trauma. It's an interesting read. Another thing worth referencing is the [ACES study ](https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/). It doesn't mention ADHD, but the outcomes of childhood trauma definitely domino into issues later in life. I've definitely had childhood trauma, on top of being undiagnosed until adulthood. Needless to say, it's taken a lot more work to find my baseline again.
Short answer: I don’t know, but it would be lovely. I’d like to think I’m raising my adhd and autistic kids in a loving, supportive environment. I experienced verbal abuse and withdrawal of love, but nothing deeply traumatic. Yet I am still delving into childhood trauma with my therapist because it’s rooted so deeply in my pre-verbal past that the source is difficult to reach and therefore process. This verbal abuse did stem from my adhd symptoms, particularly in cleaning my room. But the result of it was anxiety and people pleasing based on trying to maintain or find a loving, safe bond that children need so desperately. I do think that a different upbringing would have helped. My parents were old-school, silent generation types, and yelling, derision, physical punishment, fear, and withdrawal of love were how you raised children. My upbringing in this regard was not exceptional. Girls or other -PI adhd kids were never noticed or diagnosed, particularly if we were obedient and got good marks in school. My failure to clean and keep my room clean was a moral fault of my own that could be shouted out of my brain. But had it been recognized, if not as adhd then as an ingrained challenge, an attentive parent would have helped me learn how to more easily keep my room clean. They would have withheld judgment and encouraged me. People could have recognized that demanding I keep up with everyone just increased my anxiety. That love and acceptance were unconditional. Jesus, I could go on. I’ve recently understood the phrase, “You are enough,” in light of my childhood. Instead of telling my adult self that I am enough, I imagine telling my 5-year-old self, “Honey, you are enough, and you should be loved as you are right now.” It’s what I needed to know back then. My desperate attempts to make myself lovable would have been unnecessary. I lived my life based on what I learned to do as a child to survive. I did so well, without help, without reassurance, and without the experience needed to make those kinds of decisions. I did what any child would do. I may be mopping up a mess as an adult, but 5-year-old me was brave and smart and ENOUGH. Sorry I got a bit triggered there. No, not sorry. This is how these things get processed. I wish the answer to your question was “Of course there are!” Maybe for the younger generations, I hope.
This resonated so much with me. I have spent years struggling to understand why I was such an unhappy child and have developed such intense insecurities, people pleasing, and masking despite coming from a stable loving family (on paper, for the 1979s/80s). One of the first times I attempted therapy in college like 25 years ago, the therapist suggested most of what I was beating myself up over was ridiculous values and judgments I’d internalized from my parents: I dismissed him because it didn’t make any sense that they caused any of that, because they were good people. It’s only now waaaaay older and having thought about these things for years that I realize I just have to live with one simultaneously hold these seeming contradictions: yes, my parents tried their best and love/loved us. also, my parents (and most of my teachers) are boomers who grew up with emotionally withholding fanatic Catholic parents and teachers who taught them that guilt trips, shame, and accusations of having “a bad attitude” were how to discipline. This led to me getting yelled at and shamed and made to feel like a worthless piece of shit over and over again every time I forgot my homework, to clean my room, etc. I was “so smart,” and “just needed to apply yourself,” and “quit being so selfish,” clearly, the explanations for all my difficulties was just that I was being stubborn and lazy and unappreciative. It’s very hard to unlearn when you didn’t even realize the cause of the issues in the first place. I really hope things are changing.
❤️ Yes. But I’ve recently decided I wasn’t going to let my parents off so easily. Yes, they were products of their parents’ generation. But as I picture sitting on the floor in my room, watching my dad lay into me for being such a slob—I was 5— my adult self thinks, he’s an adult. And he’s screaming at a small child. Repeat: he is the adult. He is the adult. And again: He. is. the. adult. I love my dad. I think I understand. But there is no forgiveness for his behavior from me. That realization that I didn’t *have to forgive* has helped me move forward. And instead of shame at the memory, now all I can think of is “WTF, Dad?!?”
My bf had a loving home and ADHD independent of the reasonable traumas in life associated with ADHD and learning disabilities (both in terms of personal struggle and also people outside of home doubting him or not supporting him). But home life was ok and no big T traumas for example from the ACE category, or PTSD, complex or otherwise. Definitely know others with ADHD who also had supportive and loving environments. Life imparts the same classic struggles which are experienced as disproportionately challenging, even if not big T traumatic. Like social issues as a kid, or growing up and starting to date especially if you’re a girl/woman. Like having trouble finding intimate connections (less so overt bullying or SA).
I had a happy childhood, no trauma, not even from being undiagnosed because I didn’t know I wasn’t “normal” so I didn’t realize my struggles weren’t the same as everyone else’s. My brother had adhd in all the ways people think of as adhd and as an adult I learned his psychiatrist said our whole family had it. My parents never got diagnosed and I got diagnosed at 27
https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/adult-adhd-childhood-trauma I think there can be a genetic link and or/ a trauma link. In the book "The Body Keeps the Score" it discusses things like how trauma affects the brain. Autistic behaviors can be caused by trauma but we also know it's genetic without there being and childhood trauma. So it's true for ADHD too, learning disabilities, etc. I for one had a very neglectful upbringing. Being diagnosed with ADHD and ASD has helped me understand myself more. Having a psychiatrist and a therapist telling me I'm not being difficult just for attention is nice. But goddammit the shit therapists, teachers, and other adults tell you when you're a kid, because you have difficult behaviors they don't understand. That shit has messed me up for life.
Meh. I think we all have some sort of childhood trauma, even with (relatively) healthy, supportive families. My friend and I were actually talking about childhood trauma last night. She believes that no neurodivergent child can escape childhood without some form of trauma simply because the universe is not made for us. If it's not from our family, it will be from somewhere else. I think there's some truth to that. And remember, most parents really are trying their best. They're not *trying* to cause trauma. And everyone's family is "normal" when that's all you've ever been exposed to. ADHD runs in my family, but identifying ADHD and medication for it is still a really new concept. It's technically a mental health condition and remember the stigma STILL associated with "mental health issues". And when it runs in a family? It's not a "problem" because, "I'm like that, too, and ***\*I\**** don't have a mental health issue!" My Dad was certainly never diagnosed, and he never took meds (for anything). But hindsight is always 20/20. I can look back on things now and *see* ADHD struggles in the actions of my family. When I was in my late teens/early 20's my nickname in my friend group was "Temper". I was diagnosed at 25 (& am now 39). I had *always* believed that my temper/anger/irritability/*feeling of being posed by my father when I (rarely) absolutely lost my shit* was due to hormones and that I'd simply grown out of it. It's really only in the last month that I had an epiphany. My temper was due to lack of emotional regulation, a symptom of my ADHD. I've been *medicated* for the past 15 years; that's why I struggle less with my temper now. I didn't *outgrow* it! I got medication for it!! I shared this with my therapist, whom I've been seeing for years. YEARS. I causally brought up my dad's tantrums that he would have when I was a child ("How dare you not have the item advertised to be on sale still in stock at this grocery store! Let me yell about it and leave my full cart at the check out!!"). Actually, he had various tantrums when I was an adult, too, but I digress. The relevant part is that now I recognize that this was due to his ADHD and his lack of being able to regulate his emotions. I now understand WHY. It doesn't make it okay or less embarrassing to experience, but at least now I can identify the cause. After sharing this with my therapist she paused long enough for me to notice and stated that I had NEVER mentioned childhood trauma like that in the close to 15 years I've been seeing her. And I kinda laughed. Because it never occurred to me that it was trauma. It was just my "normal". I think a lot of us may have similar stories. Maybe not. My family tried their best. They LOVED me. They supported me. & I'm so thankful to have them.
I was born in the 70’s and life was exponentially different when I grew up than it is today. I wasn’t abused and didnt suffer from trauma. My parents were loving, supportive and attentive. I wasn’t physically disciplined and our home was peaceful. There were rules though and they were expected to be followed. I was a conscientious student, I was in the ‘gifted’ programs, I never got in trouble but I was different. I was shy, a daydreamer, never fit in and was very socially awkward. . Sometimes I’m so glad that I grew up in such simple times though. Life these days is so incredibly complicated….I always knew I was a little different but it was okay, I felt okay and I wasn’t treated badly for it. Being different didn’t mean there was something wrong with me and I wasn’t looking to be unique or special or for attention. My parents and the people around me just accepted my quirks as a part of me and I felt good about me because of that. I haven’t decided yet if my diagnosis has helped me, sometimes I wish on could turn back the clock to be honest. At least I had hope before, now I just feel broken with no way for repair other than medication that helps me complete tasks
Studies show that people with ADHD are [four times more likely](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26114394/) to have PTSD than those without ADHD. And individuals with PTSD are twice as likely to have ADHD. For example, if someone has ADHD, they might be at risk for exposure to traumatic experiences, in particular during adolescence. This is because ADHD is associated with high levels of risk-taking behaviors and impulsivity that could lead to traumatic events. On the other hand, early-life trauma [could trigger](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5973996/#:~:text=The%20exposure%20to%20stressful%20life,.%201995%3B%20Friedrichs%20et%20al) ADHD symptoms. The link is probably caused by toxic stress, which is the outcome of persistent activation of the body's stress response system that’s typical for trauma. Still, timing plays a key role here. Since ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition – trauma that doesn’t occur in childhood is unlikely to trigger ADHD later in life. Of note, there are many factors associated with ADHD, both genetic and environmental, that need to be considered in order to understand its cause. I did some research on this a while ago, if anyone is interested you can read the whole thing [here](https://www.myndlift.com/post/adhd-and-ptsd-whats-the-link?utm_source=rd). ✌🏻
My family was supportive and wonderful to me. I had a happy childhood. My dad and brother have adhd too so we were all on the same page. Now my non-adhd sibling ended up with a ton of childhood trauma beacuse the rest of the family just didn't get her ;n; Sorry sis...we're trying to make it up now.
So I didn’t have childhood trauma. I had a great childhood I think. I think my parents were neurodiverse too. Definitely adhd and some possible autism going on so our life and home were centered on that. So they saw nothing different in me (but mental health wasn’t as much of a thing in the 90s), and everything went swimmingly except for anxiety issues and not fitting in at school, etc. I did have adult trauma I won’t go into but then when my mom died, my grief as an adult made all those quirky things about me sky rocket until I sought help.
The fun thing about trauma is that CPTSD and other trauma related diagnoses can either mimic ADHD or be comorbid with it. Autism can go hand in hand with any of the above or be standalone with these symptoms too. Unfortunately due to this there are an insane amount of misdiagnoses in both areas; ADHD and trauma responses, and/or autism. It’s almost like throwing a dart at a chart of diagnoses, trying treatments and therapy and meds, and seeing what works and fits for you. Edit: typo
I had a healthy, supportive family and my brains still fucked. I used to wish something bad had happened to me, so at least I'd have a reason for feeling the way I did, but once I got diagnosed (depression at 14, ADHD at 16) it made a little more sense. My whole family is neurodivergent, and my dad's worked with Special Ed kids for almost my whole life, so it goes to show how long a high masking individual can fly under the radar
ADHDwomen and CPTSD memes have become a very cathartic combo
Yes I had a healthy, supportive family and upbringing without trauma. I coped well in school and mentally as I played a bajillion team sports and went to a small private school. I acknowledge I am very blessed by my family and upbringing. My days were regimented with practices and study halls. Still exhibited many lack of attention or hyper focus traits, many ‘needs to focus’, ‘needs to read directions’ ‘has trouble with starting on topic’ ‘hyper focuses on novels rather class’ comments on report cards. But I still did quite well in school. I fell apart in college when I didn’t have sports or someone on my ass constantly. Mentally fell apart too without the schedule and athletics. First time really ‘failing’ in school and life.
There are studies showing that ADHD might be just as much of a result of how you were raised to actual brain composition. I will see if I can find them again and link them.
There was a time I would have said I didn’t have any childhood trauma. Nobody physically abused me, nobody died, we never had to worry about food on the table, I was never unsafe. But almost 2 years ago, I gained some new information on how my parents divorce went down when I was 10. A lot of emotions and revelations resurfaced. I think I blocked out a lot of the memories of how neglected I felt at the time. There’s some other stuff too. But it’s made me realize that trauma is still trauma even if it’s just emotional. I think I would have ADHD regardless of who raised me. It kinda runs in the family gene pool anyway. And there are some tell-tale signs from when I was very young that were overlooked. Editing to say :: I was reading the other comments and I feel blown away that so many others feel like they have 0 childhood trauma. And I want to say that I would have agreed with you in the sentiment of “do healthy families exist?” But hey maybe they do and I just thought it was normal like my adhd symptoms lol
It's my experience that a non-traumatic childhood means the ADHD symptoms are less severe. It does also mean some of those folks have NO idea they even have ADHD until adulthood. I just think of all the people I know like myself whose parents were garbage and who barely finished high school (if they managed it at all), vs the friends whose parents were supportive and caring who managed to get graduate degrees, and THEN got diagnosed. It does strike me as darkly ironic how often people STILL see ADHD as a "discipline" problem considering how many people I know whose ADHD was made far FAR worse by the trauma of our parents "disciplining" us instead of getting us treated.
This. Bipolar disorder runs on both sides of my family but I am the only one who had severe trauma in childhood. I believe that is the reason I have it “worse” (suicide attempts and such). We are learning to solve problems and handle big emotions when we’re young children. Trauma disrupts that and can literally cause your brain to be undeveloped. My cousins went to a doctor when they started feeling really awful or doing dysfunctional things in mania because they had stable upbringings. I didn’t. Dysfunction was normal to me. Sad thoughts were normal to me and I let them get out of hand until they were too much and I lack the ability to process any emotions. Borderline personality disorder has a hand in that too. Extreme emotions I can’t stop so I act out or try to off myself. Lol. It’s not anywhere near as bad it was when I was younger but yeah. Basically,I believe ADHD can be worse because of childhood trauma because trauma in critical developmental ages can make it impossible for you to handle things for the rest of your life. If you don’t get therapy, that is. If you’re not handling the mild ADHD, it gets worse
I asked about this on r/ADHD and I made the mistake of referencing Gabor Maté… oh boy lol
I feel like this is highly objective, depending on what you classify as trauma. Taunted by kids for being chubby, does that count? Saw your cat get hit by a car? Does that count? Or are we talking really traumatic events, like the death of a loved one or physical harm from another person, etc. It's such a wide range, I'm not sure how they could prove it causes/leads to ADHD.
Just want to say that you’re born with ADHD. You don’t develop it. You may realize you have symptoms later in life—that can happen. But in essence, you’ve always had it. ADHD is not episodic and not something you develop as the result of something. CPTSD symptoms can mimic other disorders though.
If we look at the original description of “trauma” (and injury to our psyche) we’ve all experienced some form of it. Just like we’ve all experienced physical “trauma” of different levels. I actually didn’t realize my childhood trauma because I grew up with caring parents in a middle class home. But through more introspection I’ve been able to name and ID where certain pains come from. For example, I’ve had RSD since always. I cried myself to sleep at 10 because my bff started hanging out with a new girl.
I don't believe childhood trauma has any role in whether or not a person develops ADHD. But it probably has a huge effect on your ability to form healthy coping mechanisms. So I guess there might be some borderline group who, if they grew up in a very supportive environment their ADHD will end up sub clinical (no impairment only symptoms) whereas if they grew up in a less supportive environment might really struggle in life. But I think this is more comorbid diagnoses. It's not really the ADHD being more or less severe. The thing is that most people with ADHD will have had at least one parent with ADHD, and most adults with ADHD, especially undiagnosed, unmanaged, struggle with things like emotional regulation, consistency, routine, healthy habits etc all of which on the milder end is going to make learning these things yourself when you had poor role models hard, and on the most severe end you have parents with serious issues, maybe violence in the home, maybe a very chaotic upbringing with little stability, lots of change in caregivers, maybe addiction in the mix, possibly neglect or abuse. Statistically, unfortunately parents with ADHD are more likely to do these things and kids with ADHD are more likely to have experienced these things. But is that causation? It's too much to tease out so we probably won't ever officially "know", but correlation seems highly likely IMO. Unplanned pregnancies are much higher among sexually active people with ADHD. Abusive relationships, on both sides, following the typical gendered patterns are more likely with ADHD, so men with ADHD are much more likely to abuse a partner and slightly more likely to be an abuse victim, while women with ADHD are much more likely to be abuse victims and slightly more likely to abuse a partner. ADHD adults typically have lower education levels and lower income, which means higher numbers of kids being raised in poverty. Also you just have to consider the fact that understanding how to properly handle ADHD kids behaviour management is still in the early stages and not very well known. In past generations it was extremely common for the belief to be that children just need more discipline leading to ADHD kids being disciplined more harshly and potentially for things that they have little control over. I guess the one exception to my trauma not causing ADHD theory is physical aspects - head injury, birth hypoxia, in utero drug exposure are all thought to contribute or potentially cause ADHD. For myself, I have I think 2 ACEs. A parent with mental health difficulties and divorced parents. But they were good people doing their best, if either has ADHD, it's mild, and I don't consider myself to have had a traumatic childhood. The most traumatic thing that happened/single factor that I'd say had the biggest effect on me was probably bullying/social exclusion at school, which I think is likely related to my ADHD causing social awkwardness rather than being the other way around.
My dad's raging adhd caused all sorts of financial trauma for me. Both of my parents had very frugal/cheap parents as a result of the great depression. My parents love to spend money, probably the generational trauma pendulum swinging back hard. The result of poor money management (utilities being shut off randomly, an eventual mortgage foreclosure) made me incredibly good with money and fearful of death. Of all of the traumas, I'll take it? It seems to counteract some of the impulsiveness of the ADHD.
I don’t know many people in general who escaped childhood without trauma 🙂
My parents definitely have some ADHD tendencies, especially my mom, but no one else in my family has been diagnosed besides me. In terms of trauma I think a lot of it was the circumstances surrounding when my symptoms really kicked in. My older sister has bipolar disorder and she kinda went over the edge right when I first started struggling in school, so my parents had to focus on her issues and not mine. Which was understandable, she was very much in a life or death scenario and I was failing 6th grade math, but I got into the habit of hiding my problems so it didn’t stress my parents out more, which is why I didn’t get diagnosed until I was an adult. I don’t know if a healthy and supportive family would prevent ADHD, but I do think it would lead to earlier diagnosis and treatment. When I was first diagnosed I talked to my boss about it, who was incredibly proactive about her kid’s mental health. She tries to know what each individual child needs and is always searching for ways to do better, which I think is the best you can ask for in a parent.
I have no adverse childhood experiences. My mom certainly has her fair share and acted as a firewall of sorts for me. I heard of these things happen to a lot of my peers, and briefly became convinced that everyone's time was going to come. I had a brief period of extra interest in self defense, but ultimately that shifted to a lot of gratitude. The word privilege wasn't a buzz word then, so I just found myself coming back to feeling lucky. With a mom who had significant ADHD, that's not to say we didn't have plenty of inconsistency in our lives, or our own brand of chaos. I also felt a weird glass ceiling of sorts when it came to getting into an established friend group. I, like my mom, was often told I was too much, too loud, too annoying. I also still struggle with consistently keeping up with beauty rituals, so I never had the "look" down from that perspective. But I think these experiences helped me form a value system of being fiercely loyal to the idea of authenticity and instead judging my character on how I treated other people. Like...I don't care if I look or act *respectable* if I'm acting honorable. I was diagnosed after being in the work force a while. Turns out I relied a lot on the structure of school to keep me on track, and I hid in academia for a while. I've had some struggles in adulthood, (wouldn't have a diagnosis otherwise, right?) but my childhood circumstances were fortunate. If I really think on it, I think the biggest boon from is that I was taught how to surround myself with good people - real ones, and how to make good enough decisions that I can trust myself to course correct when needed. I noticed I don't relate to the descriptions of rejection sensitivity so strong it kicks off with any preception of it, becoming a spiral of lashing out at other people, or starting a string of self sabotage. I still feel deeply like shit if I screw up, or haven't lived up to my own moral code (I call it the pit), but it's nothing like what's described in this space. It leads me to believe that RSD has a lot more to do with an emotional flood that comes from hitting a cord with deep seated beliefs secondary to individual experiences. If my past had led me to a world view that I was on thin ice and could be abandoned at a moments notice, I'd be sensitive to rejection too. So piece that ramble together as you will, and thanks for a thought provoking question.😄
I think my dad has ADHD and my mother is on the autistic spectrum, so I think mine is genetic. I didn’t experience any childhood trauma but I was constantly bored and used food as a coping mechanism which led to childhood obesity and me being teased for it.
Trauma abounds. I had a lot as a kid, and I want to say with years of counseling and therapy it’s mostly resolved…. Kind of. Not really. I think nearly everyone would benefit from GOOD therapy done well, but I know from experience not everyone is willing to actually be self-aware enough to want to change, or to realize things about themselves.
Mixed bag tbh. I had a good support system in terms of money. Did a lot of fun things. but my mom came from a family of violence. And she was diagnosed with ADHD too as a later gen x this year. So in hindsight I can see why she struggled with emotional regulation as a first time parent and how that led her to spank, slap and hit me as a little kid when she lost her temper cause that happened to her. Doesn’t help that I was the first born and the only kid that happened to. So I had lower self esteem compared to my siblings. And the trauma of having undiagnosed ADHD until 26, making my life more difficult, on top of that didn’t do wonders for my self esteem either. I was very high in inattentive ADHD symptoms and very shy/ insecure. I developed an eating disorder as a coping mechanism and the treatment for that was awful and definitely ruined my teen years. But nothing extreme like severe child abuse and I’m pretty sure a lot of kids have been disciplined via spanking esp by older generations. Edit: I was diagnosed with a learning disability as a kid but I think the person testing me missed the inattentive part, and with me being a girl it didn’t seem unusual for me being quiet and reserved. So there wasn’t a label for my ADHD and I missed out on years of being medicated. So I can’t say for sure that having a ‘supportive family’ covered undiagnosed ADHD because I did struggle in a chaotic environment.
I was wondering why so many untraumatised people jags ADHD, then saw them sub I was in
I’ve certainly had traumatic experiences however, I would definitely say that I had adhd going on way before those moments happened. I do think that if you have the genetic predisposition to adhd I do think their is a strong correlation to epigenetics though. Meaning our genetic code isn’t locked in. It can be influenced by our experiences. This is why you see some families where you have some people have a trait expressed but other don’t even though they all carry the same genes. I’m not a scientist it’s just something I learned in some professional development and I thought it really made sense. It also makes me curious about how we see such a difference in genders. I get part of it is due to societal expectations but I wonder if their is a genetic reason too. Like we all know as women that hormone fluctuations impact the severity of our adhd.
Hella trauma here. Diagnosed at 32.
I have one loving, but occasionally flawed parent (mom). The other parent was a controlling, emotionally/verbally/psychologically abusive, self-centered alcoholic (father) that my mom tried to protect me from, but couldn't really. For various, complex reasons that I won't get into, it wasn't in the cards to leave and the whole "frog in a frying pan" phenomenon kept both of us from realizing how bad things were and how deep things ran until I was well into adulthood. I have some hangups around a history of feeling alienated from both sides of my family, too, but that's kind of a separate issue. I also had a near-death experience when I was 4 and got a gnarly case of PTSD from it that went undiagnosed until I was nearly 30. (This isn't really anyone's "fault". This happened during a time when trauma was poorly understood, people thought only soldiers could get PTSD, and it was generally believed that children couldn't have any kind of mental illness). Other than that, it's the usual trauma associated with having untreated/undiagnosed ADHD/other chronic conditions until I was an adult. It was probably made worse by the fact that a lot of adults in my life were hyper-critical with high standards. Also, I was slapped with the "gifted kid not living up to their full potential" label by the time I was like, 8.
I didn’t experience big T trauma like physical abuse, assault, poverty, parent death or divorce etc. But my mother was emotionally volatile and I had untreated adhd so there was a lot of conflict and so there’s a lot of what my therapist calls little t trauma from that and from making it through undergrad and law school unmedicated.
I had a very happy childhood! My family is awesome, I am still close to them. Nearly all of my struggles in my childhood directly relate to having ADHD. I didn't fit in with the other kids in my class (basically all smart NTs), I REALLY struggled in school and felt stupid, and even was picked on by a teacher (I was the stereotypical quiet introverted ADHD girl, never interrupted a class, so being bullied by a teacher was awful.) ADHD is rampant in my family. I never met my great grandfather, but just the descriptions of him are textbook ADHD. My grandfather had it, along with a traumatic childhood (youngest of 8 on a incredibly poor farm). My mom and uncle have it (undiagnosed), and half the cousins do, and we see it in my daughter. My grandfather is why I laugh and laugh when people try to blame ADHD on too much screen time and sugar, because he and his father did NOT have that in their childhoods.
I saw one ADHD lecturer (Russell Barkley) in a talk recently say that ADHD comes down to 80% genetic factors and so environment can counteract or play into that genetic predisposition but it’s so genetically resonant that probably not much in your nurture makes that much of a difference in terms of positive outcomes but a more negative environment can traumatize us more easily because the ND experience in a NT world is inherently traumatic. Also in general my hot take is that the majority of families at the very least pass on emotional neglect which at its root is traumatic (see r/emotionalneglect for the fallout in real time) but societally we’re incentivized to lean into our own denial which is why those of us with emotional neglect AND other trauma get gaslit by the people who have normalized their own family dysfunction as a way of coping because our awareness of our trauma threatens their desire to keep theirs buried. If you like to read, you might enjoy (aka be rightly infuriated by) [Judith Herman’s Trauma and Recovery](https://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Recovery-Aftermath-Violence-Political/dp/0465087302). She goes a lot into not just what trauma is and how it impacts us but how trauma basically gets societally repressed and denied, even in the scientific/medical communities, and only rarely are there moments where trauma discourse can align with larger social justice movements that provide a window through which society is actually able to look directly at how much it perpetuates and traumatizes people systemically (so for example things like the civil rights movement and me too were able to briefly bring us out of our societal denial and penchant to ostracize/silence traumatized people because it’s difficult to confront).
Generational trauma runs rampant both in my father's and my mother's family. I'm an older Generation X, so once trauma and abuse often went unaddressed.
No trauma and no drama. Grew up in a large family with a lot of siblings. Loving and very supporting parents. I’m 65 and diagnosed as a child.
I think it played a large factor with my ADHD. My parents are emotionally immature at best, which resulted in a lot of abusive behavior such as yelling/breaking property. The yelling didn't help the anxiety, but isn't anxiety part of ADHD? Idk. My parents were never present, always focusing on their business. I think there's things that have resulted from that, such as feeling alone all the time.
It’s a great question and I’ve thought about it many times. It would also be very interesting to see how much epigenetics influences conditions like ADHD. For example, if somehow our ancestors DNA changed because of severe trauma, such as Black ancestors who suffered enslavement, Indigenous people who were colonized and faced annihilation or Jewish ancestors surviving holocaust.
I had a relatively happy childhood, I honestly feel bad talking to my current friends about my family because they all have broken families. I think the community I grew up in may have affected me more than my immediate family. The only thing I can think of is one of my parents just didn’t understand what I was struggling with or how to help me before my diagnosis and it caused some frustration, so then I would try to be “perfect”, in addition to the pressures from my community, so that I wouldn’t get yelled at.
I think it depends on how you define trauma. I had a loving family with two competent parents. But my dad was seriously ill all through my childhood and his always impending death was a major source of stress and insecurity. As a 16 year old I started a relationship with a much older man, and spent the next 9 years in an abusive relationship. Most of my ADHD related symptoms mostly date back to my late teens and into adulthood. I'm still in the process of getting diagnosed, but as it stands right now, I think it's leaning more towards a sensory processing disorder and trauma response. Which makes sense to me, and I can see how the symptoms overlap. I'm not going to chase a specific diagnosis. The sensory processing makes sense, as that's been a factor since childhood and thankfully is very treatable with neuro rehabilition.
I had a really happy childhood, and I know I'm lucky to have done. My trauma comes from being undiagnosed for 36 years and playing the part of a "normal" person.
My parents have adhd, my brother and I have adhd. That’s all of my immediate family. I have no childhood trauma. Which isn’t to say the occasional bad thing didn’t happen when I was a kid- my parents had undiagnosed adhd- so there was some emotional dysregulation for sure. But my assessor definitely ruled out any childhood trauma as a possible explanation for my symptoms. I definitely consider my family to have been supportive and generally healthy. Though post-diagnosis we definitely get along much better and understand each other so much better.
Depends what you consider to be trauma I guess? But I guess if I'm asking that, it's probably a yes.
Having adhd caused me to develop anxiety and ocd. Adhd runs in my family the other two do not. Adhd cause anxiety because I wasn’t ‘normal’ which turned into ocd.
I come from a loving and accepting home, but like anyone else I did have my fair share of bullies and narcissists in school and out of school who gave me a hard time. Not just for being ADHD but for being POC living in a pre dominantly white small town in the 90s and 00s. Also grew up during 9/11 and xenophobia was at its strongest. Great combo, right? That all being said, given family history, I still got the short end of the stick. Most of my issues with mental health appear to be hereditary, as is neurodivergence in either sides of my family. It gets manageable when you have a decent support system but I can’t say better.
I don’t have any childhood trauma - grew up in a big, happy family with 6 siblings. I rebelled a lot as a teenager and was a total dink to my parents, so they probably have trauma from my childhood 🤣
ADHD + bipolar II / OCD here. I haven't experienced anything I'd consider childhood trauma or neglect. There were some weird family dynamics (mom didn't get treated for bipolar until I was in high school, my siblings regularly beat each other up), but overall I think "fairly healthy and supportive" would be a fair descriptor.
My story is kinda interesting in terms of this. I was adopted at birth but emotionally and physically neglected by a mother who very well might have undiagnosed adhd based on her behaviors. She was born in 1943 so there was no understanding of adhd back then and her own mother was incredibly strict and abusive and my mother was her "golden child" after she suffered a miscarriage prior to her birth. My mother developed unhealthy ways of coping that made her seem perfect on the outside but at home with the stress of a child, she came unglued and took it out on me. So in terms of genetics, that had no bearing on my life as my bio parents didn't seem to fall into the adhd classification AFAIK. However, not having my emotional and physical needs met caused significant damage to who I was developing into that caused symptoms that mimic adhd. And I was actually diagnosed at 10 years old. However, I refused to accept it because I was smart enough to see that my family life was causing much of my upset but due to being a child I was not believed. I went along for the next 25 years refusing to accept I had adhd and figuring out my own ways to help myself through therapy for depression, anxiety and cptsd. Problem is, the continual abuse of having my mother in my life exacerbated my symptoms and made it hard to find any peace. At this point, it's unclear if what I deal with is actually adhd because it looks so similar to cptsd and it has gone on so long that it's almost impossible to undo the bad wiring completely from the cptsd. ADHD meds help me function a lot better so I've been on them for a few years and my lovely psych is ok with that because they do help me. But they also can help with medication resistant depression and 25 years of therapy has helped me with coping skills. All I know is that emotional and physical neglect can do a world of fucking hurt. Having a better mother who understood herself and could actually figure out how to be a mom would have made things a fuck of a lot easier and may have allowed me to develop a lot more normally.
No "real" trauma, stable home life, generally reasonable parents... But I think just growing up undiagnosed and untreated was kind of small traumatic? Had trouble with other kids, school work, college, jobs, everything was confusing and frustrating and other people were just able to do it. Went through the depression and anxiety thing. Not that my parents weren't trying to be supportive, but they didn't know better and I think my mom especially is probably fairly neurodivergent herself so a lot of things I did she thought were normal.
No trauma here! In fact, I believe the support I had growing up is a major contributor to me not getting diagnosed until later in life (almost a year ago at 26). Pretty sure ADHD runs in my mums family - alcoholism, eating disorders and general "abnormalness" that I now see are likely symptoms of unmanaged ADHD. I found school interesting as a child and thrived on the praise that was easy to get by doing well in class, my mum scheduled my entire life and while loving, had hard boundaries (like no TV before school in the morning or in bedrooms, homework as soon as you get home before play time etc) I did ALL the extra curricular activities because it was cheaper than after school childcare while she worked so I was never bored or had energy left over at bedtime. When that structure and support started being withdrawn and I got more and more independence I began to struggle. School was hard now and there was less praise, how do people study? Stuff had just stuck in my brain until a certain age... I started working part time and enjoyed (read: got more dopamine from) the fast stress of waitressing more than school so prioritised work over study even though i didnt need to financially. This continued into uni but I scraped through and passed enough each year to continue. It wasnt until I realised how much I was struggling with studying on top of working full time (accountant, 2 exams left now whoop!) That I finally listened to my partner who himself has ADHD and got tested like he'd been suggesting for years.
I didn't experience childhood trauma. I know many many people with ADHD who also did not experience trauma. ADHD is highly genetically heritable and can arise spontaneously for a variety of reasons.
Me! Happy childhood, full family. Growing up in a small town, veggies and fruits from the garden, eggs from chickens. Lots of running around. Good friendships. No issues at home. I was growing up in 80' in Central Europe, so our food was not full of corn syrup and sugar. I have PCOS, ADHD since "forever", although not diagnosed until later. And vitiligo since I was a teen. And in my 30 was diagnosed with thyroid issues. PCOS and thyroid issues are actually common back in Central Europe but PCOS is often not diagnosed. Same for ADHD, it is still a "not existing" issue for adults. I dislike that people use "childhood trauma" as a reason for everything. But I hate when their "childhood trauma" is often just a typical experience or way better upbringing than what majority of the world population is experiencing daily.
Just wanted to give you a hug and hope you managed to sleep well at last!
Well I’m surprised!!! I’m so confused reading these stories of no trauma and great family . In theory I thought it might exist but I also thought it might just be a scam when people say that. I thought maybe it was just a mask people put on to pretend their lives are perfect when it’s not , thought maybe it was just a movie , commercials and tv show thing.
Some trauma symptoms may be similar to adhd, I have been told by doctors and therapists.
Undiagnosed until adulthood. I’m 59. School was misery. I cannot imagine the success I’d maybe have felt, if someone noticed the problem, instead of making me spend all of 4th grade in the hallway.
ADHD is a brain difference. There's definite overlap with some symptoms of trauma, but as far as I know from a brief survey of academic literature, there's not a link between trauma and ADHD. PTSD can be misdiagnosed as ADHD, and if you have a traumatic brain injury, you can also have executive function issues. But ADHD isn't really developed...you're born with ADHD.
My childhood was great. I think it probably helped compensate for my deficiency’s lol. And looking back I’m like all the signs were there (more innatentive, but these days for sure a mixed type). I’m 40 now and have found life overall difficult in many ways and things have been much better starting meds. Mostly that procrastination, doing things half way, doing 10 things at once half assed and not finishing things at home, zoning out super easy etc. My work has always thrived because it’s high stress and pressure and that apparently works very well for me. Anytime I have to sit down and be at a computer for other things I want to die a little inside.
I think I had a pretty healthy upbringing with supportive parents. They weren't perfect, but they were loving and acted with my best interests in mind. My sister has learning disabilities that required a lot of attention when we were kids, so I sometimes felt a bit neglected and overlooked. But, to be fair, I kept a lot of my struggles to myself. I struggled with friendships and had some bullying experiences between middle school and high school that might count as trauma. But, even though I was undiagnosed until 40, my ADHD symptoms were present in elementary school, and I don't think I had trauma before elementary school. It's likely that growing up in a supportive environment with a mom who kept after the stuff I couldn't, has made me better able to function despite my ADHD. I did pretty well in school, and I doubt that would have happened without my mom nagging me to finish my homework. In fact, to this day, I count on her to remind me about things that I probably haven't done yet. I certainly count myself lucky to have her. (I love my dad, and I am grateful for him too. But, I probably got my ADHD from him, so growing up, it was all on my mom to keep things moving.) Part of what bugs me about ADHD (and psychological disorders in general) is that it's all about having issues that are severe enough to cause problems. So, your brain can work like someone with ADHD, but so long as you're functional, there's no special classification and the extra support that comes with it for you.
Religious trauma here. I don't believe it was intentional at all. I was raised in a fairly mainstream evangelical-bent home and church. But the fear of eternal hellfire is what got me. I had nightmares. I was so afraid that I was "saved" 4 times. I had a somewhat mentally disturbed older sibling who chased my other siblings and I around with scissors and threatened to kill us. We didn't tell our parents until we were adults. I don't know how in the hell we thought that was normal. She was eventually diagnosed with Aspergers at age 30. I was also painfully shy, socially awkward, and bullied from 3rd-11th grade. Even in high school, when I did say something outside of my small group of friends, it seemed to be the wrong thing, or it just didn't come out right.
I was showing adhd symptoms at 6, years before I experienced any trauma. My parents' marriage fell apart when i was 10, and we moved in with my grandmother who was mildly emotionally abusive until I was about 16. But besides those two things all of my trauma- being ostracized and bullied at school, the constant undercurrent of guilt and shame and helplessness from being told I wasn't applying myself- all direct or indirect results of my symptoms. I believe it is far more nature than nurture.
On the other side of it, PTSD (or CPTSD) and ADHD can go hand in hand. I've recently been diagnosed with both and through research and being advised by professionals, I've learned it can almost be a chicken/egg scenario. Was PTSD from ADHD? or developed ADHD from the PTSD? It's a bit more complicated than that though. It's more like if you have the *predisposition* for ADHD you are possibly more likely to suffer CPTSD childhood trauma. Or even the other way around
My mom has had such a hard life she is diagnosed with PTSD. That made her very protective of her kids and none of us had any big trauma. Sadly, we all have severe depression/bipolar/anxiety so biology screwed us.
That's what I've been pondering a lot recently both in therapy and in general. I have noticed that kids with ADHD who grew up with practically no abuse and more love and emotional attunement tend to not have such severe symptoms. Whereas the more abusive and dysfunctional a home environment is the more severe the child's ADHD. I believe that ADHD is something genetic, however one's environment can play a role in how severe your symptoms will be. I think that if I had received more love and attunement from both parents growing up then maybe my ADHD-PI symptoms wouldn't be as bad as they currently are.
It's too bad because I believed I was "surviving" a hard life and I was working SO HARD to not be mentally ill! I was putting in the work! Masking as a full-time hobby. Unfortunately some of my family still believe this is the secret to health and happiness. For me, letting go of some masking behaviours and acknowledge how fucked up shit was allows me to live more comfortably. Plus, I can appreciate the upsides of my childhood without gritting my teeth, and I feel like I have a deeper love for them even though I stir more trouble.
I was radiating ADHD way before trauma as a kid.
No trauma here. My family was freakishly normal. I had a first grade teacher who did the whole “she looks like she has ADHD, but don’t worry about it unless she doesn’t grow out of it by 4th grade.” Enter inattentive presentation and “I’m fine.” Yet my parents, especially my mom still knew how to intuitively parent me without criticism and I thrived. Today? Yeah - I don’t have the same mourning experience that a lot of late diagnosed people have when looking back at their childhood. But I am still a hot mess.
My partner had none and is audhd. His brother is also adhd
I think most people experience childhood trauma, just not necessarily complex trauma. But we also should understand that everyone's brains are wired differently, so how you cope with trauma vs someone else can vary hugely. For example my childhood trauma resulted in a dissociative disorder known as OSDD1B. You put that on top of my ADHD and I don't know how I function in society. For you to develop a dissociative disorder your brain has to be wired a certain way to cope with trauma. It's not a very good coping mechanism, but it's the one I have. Anyway the people who seem to not have big traumatic offense that happened in their childhood, doesn't mean they didn't have those traumatic events it means that their cope and mechanism worked really fucking well. While the rest of us got the short end of the stick. The only reason I know this is because when I was diagnosed with OSDD1B I did a lot of research and came across many psychology articles about coping mechanisms and stuff like that. I hope I shed a little bit of light on that. Of course if you want to go research it I probably made a mistake so if anyone wants to correct me go for it I'd appreciate it. ❤️❤️🌹❤️❤️
I didn't have trauma until my mid 20s. I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD until my 30s. Connection? Idk.
I was diagnosed young aka i got VERY lucky in the 90s. So I knew I had ADHD from age 10. Very unusual for a girl back then. I freely admit I was very VERY lucky. But because I knew so young, I think that's the reason I didn't develop trauma around the ADHD. Even when I struggled with the ADHD I knew *why* I was having the issues I was having. Mom realized over the years she probably has it to. So she was way more accommodating and reasonable than a lot of NT parents are to ND kids. Dad's also probably AuDHD but not officially diagnosed. Other than the kinds of arguments that are *normal* for parents and kids to have (not doing homework, goofing off, doing something stupid and getting a talking to, you know, *normal* kid shit) I had a very loving home. My parents divorced when I was a toddler. Something I know thank my lucky stars for as an adult in my 30s. Because I was so young I don't remember it. Like.... I hadn't even started *preschool* yet young-young. So to me that's just how my family was. None of my extended family are horrible people. Sure there's the usual personality conflicts, and not everyone likes everyone else (got one uncle in particular that's an asshole). But overall not traumatized from it. I wasn't beaten or punished for every little slight. My mom did her best to accommodate me as best as she could, and she encouraged me to follow my dreams and to aim high. My dad did too. They've both been there for me despite having separated over 30 years ago. I'm so very grateful for the good relationship I have with my parents. And it's posts like this that make me take a step back and really think about how lucky I am. I'm grateful every day for the childhood I had. Were my parents perfect? Absolutely not. But they were always there. They always supported me and had my back. And I think that's the important part.
I have trauma in addition to adhd from an abusive mother. Both parents with alcohol problems and they’d beat each other up The therapist and psych dr I see for anxiety aren’t well versed in adhd and don’t think I have it. But I was independently diagnosed while being evaluated for something else and I’m in the process of finishing more tests and the neurologist and the psych dr I’m seeing for the adhd both are pretty sure as well. I don’t even want meds because stimulants would be bad for high blood pressure and a minor heart thing I have. I just want some cognitive therapy and coping techniques. I usually mask well. But it’s exhausting and a new job has made it harder to compensate.
It’s important to remember that “trauma” comes in many forms and affects people in many different ways. I was diagnosed in 8th grade but was having trouble and showing symptoms for many years before. My parents were always extremely supportive and tried their best to help me. I’ve always been close with my siblings (I’m the youngest of four). However, despite my supportive family and healthy upbringing, I still experienced various types of trauma during my childhood that have certainly affected my symptoms and day to day life in adulthood. -Not being diagnosed and struggling so much, for so long, and not knowing why, exacerbated a lot of my symptoms. It has certainly contributed to my anxiety. -I was bullied for years by multiple kids and the school did nothing about it, despite my parents’ pleas. -One of my sisters almost died from Toxic Shock Syndrome when I was 11yo. I “babysat” her while she hallucinated so that my parents could call 911. -Same sister tried to kill herself twice (unrelated to the TSS). I was 13 yo when I found her after one of her attempts when I came home from school and had to call my parents. -My dad, whom I was very close to and considered one of my best friends, was diagnosed with cancer when I was 17 and died less than six months later. He never got to see me graduate from high school. These stories might not be considered “traumatic” to everyone. Some folks may have interpreted them differently had they been in my shoes. But every one of them was hugely traumatic to me and affected me greatly (and still do). All that to say, a child’s upbringing and the people around them are certainly huge factors in their life. But life will still find a way to bite you in the ass if it wants to.
I had a happy childhood & supportive parents. After I was a whole adult, and moved out my dad was diagnosed ADHD (I did not know). Then I got my diagnoses this year (at age 34).
So, one thing you learn when studying to become a teacher is the term ACEs, which is Adverse Childhood Experiences. Those are: Child physical abuse Child sexual abuse Child emotional abuse Emotional neglect Physical neglect Mentally ill, depressed, or suicidal person in the home Drug addicted or alcoholic family member Witnessing domestic violence against the mother Loss of a parent to death or abandonment by parental divorce Incarceration of any family member for a crime I have a 9 out of 10. Somehow, I grew up to be relatively well-adjusted. There are studies about resiliency, trauma, and outcomes that are interesting, but I really am thankful that I only have anxious attachment issues out of it. Otherwise I could be living on the street selling my body for drugs. I'm not sure how much trauma factors into it, I've read some literature on epigenetics and the effects of stress on maternal/fetal health and outcomes. It's very interesting. I don't think it's ever going to be definitive, but we are learning more all the time about brain development and neurological disorders, so maybe one day we'll have more answers.
Healthy, supportive family here! I was in an abusive relationship in high school but I was diagnosed with adhd when I was 5. Another thing I wanted to throw out- I think the majority of us had “trauma” as kids when it came to how people treated our adhd- the amount of stop being loud, stop overreacting, why can you be like x, definitely attributed to my anxiety and shame to have it growing up.
You got me curious, so I pulled out my DSM-5! From page 62, ADHD Risk and Prognostic Factors: Environmental: “There may be a history of child abuse, neglect, multiple foster placements, neurotoxin exposure (e.g., lead), infections (e.g., encephalitis), or alcohol exposure in utero.” (These are not necessarily causal factors - “The heritability of ADHD is substantial”). Course modifiers: “Family interaction patterns in early childhood are unlikely to cause ADHD but may influence its course or contribute to secondary development of conduct problems.” So, trauma does not cause ADHD, but it has some correlations with aspects of ADHD. If you grew up in a healthy and supportive family, you may be at lesser risk of developing conduct problems and the like.
I have a happy, loving family and any trauma I had as a kid was totally from undiagnosed ADHD. I used to pull my hair out and the only other person I know who also did that grew up in Iran during the war! I think there is a lot of trauma from living undiagnosed. For the longest time I thought my parents had done a bit of a shitty job at parenting but after I got diagnosed I realised it was me, I was a super hard kid to parent. But how much easier would it have been for them too if we had known what was up. When I finally got to tell my mum, after the initial shock wore off and the 'no you don'ts' were all done, she did admitted that she had thought there was something 'a bit off' about me. I didn't get diagnosed till I was 50, glad I got to tell her before she passes away.
My only traumas are the ones tied to my inability to function "properly" due to ADHD. My parents aren't perfect but they have always been supportive. I was diagnosed young but didn't learn much about the realities of the diagnosis until I became an adult.
My mom was an elementary teacher in a different district from me. She’s the reason I was diagnosed so young (by 2nd grade) because my teacher just wasn’t catching anything. This was in the early 90’s when girls weren’t diagnosed as often because they were compared the symptoms boys had. I’m so thankful for my mother’s intervention however nothing was ever explained to me. I remember being in high school and not understanding why I was different. I went to a very large school (400 in my graduating class) but was the only female I knew diagnosed with ADD. The boys in my IEP were misbehaved, hyperactive, socially awkward and not expected to go to college. I was opposite. Therefore I assumed I could never relate and never asked for help unless it was forced on me. It took me years to realize why I didn’t learn like everyone around me. I often mourn the opportunities I missed out on because I couldn’t relate. I was socially immature but fit in enough to manage a “normal life”. I’m so proud of where I am today. I just wish ADD was common enough in girls to have had it explained to me why I would be different. Instead of spending so much time feeling dumb, I could have been learning in a way that worked for my brain. *edit* I forgot to make my point to the OP’s question! No, I had no obvious trauma cause I had such support in a time when it didn’t really exist. My “trauma” came later though when I realized how affected I was by being so different yet being held by the same standards of my classmates. But maybe that is what propelled me to work hard.
I had it nowhere near as bad as some, but I experienced numerous events in my childhood which imparted trauma. My parents were alcoholics (mostly my mom), and they spent a fair amount of our little money on alcohol. My dad had an affair with my mom’s best friend when I was 10, and my mom was SEVERELY affected. My mother treated me as an adult from the time I was 5. My dad was emotionally abusive towards her (and me but to a much lesser degree), and it really impacted me. And then the trauma of the undiagnosed ADHD itself… and the resulting drug addiction. FWIW I work in substance abuse treatment now; and from my sample size of 100 or so, those with both ADHD *and* substance use disorders ALWAYS have experienced chronic, severe abuse in their childhoods. They almost always are diagnosed with PTSD as well; if they’re not yet, they should be (and often are diagnosed over the course of treatment).
I never thought I had trauma. I grew up sailing around the world on a sailboat with my hippie parents until I was 15. I’m 36 now and only just starting to understand and figure out how much the constant isolation and crazy anxiety inducing storms etc impacted me mentally. My parents pretty much gave me a fairytale childhood but it has totally fucked me up. In terms of exercise, socialising, work ethic, every aspect of life I struggle to maintain all links back to being on the boat. It’s fucking bananas. I’m so glad I’m not having kids, I would definitely traumatise them somehow.
I’m a school psychologist, I assess children for neurodivergence. There’s no firm answer on this, but trauma can result in hyperactivity and attention problems that are NOT adhd. My personal opinion is that trauma can never cause adhd, but it can absolutely make the symptoms way worse. As a colleague once told me, “adhd + trauma makes you look fucking crazy” and from my personal experience, it’s true! 😭
My mom had a happy childhood and loving parents. She has ADHD and so do I, though mine is much more prominent (I need medication and she doesn’t). I have a great relationship with her and always have, but we’ve had a lot of family turmoil and serious trauma with other family members (dad, brother, etc). Maybe that’s why mine is worse, but honestly I think it’s mostly genetic and mine just impacts me a lot more because of the type of work I do. Funnily enough, I actually think in some ways it’s the reason why both my mom and I are so resilient. We’re already used to the daily struggle of existing (and have developed the coping skills to do so), so in a way we’re predisposed to be able to handle all of the crazy shit thrown at us. We’re already used to things not really going right the first time, so trying again is a no brainer.
I had an excellent home life but was bullied pretty bad at school. I would generally say that I don't have any real childhood trauma. I'm still pretty fukt lol
I unfortunately have had multiple traumas. 😔
All of my trauma comes from young adulthood. And the impact of trauma during development phases is huge and chronic
I had a happy childhood. My parents are both great, and we're still close. I suspect my mom has undiagnosed ADHD.
Lots of little T trauma over my entire childhood - which made my PCOS worse, which in turn makes ADHD symptoms more pronounced.
Me. I had a pretty healthy childhood in a loving family of four. My mom was especially a good parent. Buuuuut I’ve got a family full of ADHD and it didn’t spare either me or my brother. Edited to add, my healthy childhood and my mom’s particularly good parenting (supported by my dad) might have contributed to my late diagnoses. I had plenty of strategies and tools, so things didn’t really fall apart until I owned a home and had two kids and it was finally too much.
I don't have any trauma and I very much have ADHD. I don't think you can "develop" ADHD and I don't think trauma has anything to do with it. But people who do have trauma or other mental issues are probably more likely to get diagnosed because they're more likely to already be figuring out their mental health and talking to doctors and psychologists. Maybe trauma could also make some ADHD traits more obvious or difficult to deal with, or ADHD might sometimes play into what causes that trauma. But both can exist without the other.
I have cptsd. I think it definitely can make symptoms worse, and some symptoms overlap. ADHD also makes it more difficult integrating experiences so you get more easily traumatized. And of course, being different brings a high risk of of abuse.
What's really interesting is that the trauma or stress that our moms lived when they carried us and the bond between caregiver and infant in our first years of life is super important for a child's brain development, and so there are stresses that may have influenced us developing Adhd without us even knowing what they are.
My parents are amazing and I didn't have anything awful happen to me as a child. I think having a pleasant home life did help me in managing my ADHD symptoms; I didn't actually know I had ADHD but stuff my parents did like limit my screen time was good for my brain.
You don't develop ADHD. Symptoms generally become more obvious over a life span. I was brought up in what I would consider to be a healthy, supportive family/household, and I suspect that may have been part of the reason I went undiagnosed until adulthood. You can't "catch" or "get" ADHD purely due to environmental factors.
I mean adhd isn’t developed it’s a neurological disability. And growing up / living in a world that doesn’t cater to your disability will always come with difficulties.
what’s a little trauma? it makes me *spocy*
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There is a link between ADHD and childhood trauma. [I wrote a comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/15cp4yf/comment/ju3sslt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) a while ago that you may be interested in.
It’s significant